Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 19, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHORTAGES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHORTAGE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 20, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 19, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE-rhyme limerick, which happens to be an ACROSTIC Limerick:

Sometimes gals have a “je ne sais quoi.”
Their “look” is the flip-side of blah.
You’ll be tempted to stare.
Leering’s bad, though. Beware!
Eschew cheering. “Hurrah?” How bourgeois!

And here’s my SHORTAGE-themed limerick:

I went shopping for something to eat.
With chicken and fish they’re replete.
They have plenty of peas,
And all manner of cheese,
But they really should beef up their meat.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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220 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WEAR or WHERE or WARE or BEWARE or AWARE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 19, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Hill: “Women Live Longer” (shortage)

    It’s okay living here, I suppose,
    With its cons, although very few pros.
    There is only one man,
    We gals run to see Stan,
    With the oxygen tubes in his nose.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sorry
    I guess it would be funnier with a change of one word, L5
    “up” instead of “in”

    It’s okay living here, I suppose,
    With its cons, although very few pros.
    There is only one man,
    We gals rush to see Stan,
    With the oxygen tubes up his nose.

  3. Steve Frakt says:

    Oh where are those wonderful elves
    To help us when we can’t help ourselves?
    Wish they’d go to the store
    And wait ‘til there’s more
    Toilet paper, on now empty shelves

  4. Terry Marter says:

    The Birds!
    Beware of the colours you wear
    Some birds attack hues that are fair.
    Watch those devious Larks
    They will ambush your ‘darks’.
    As for Magpies, well They just don’t care!

  5. Terry Marter says:

    Beware of the colours you wear
    Flying insects could trigger despair
    Dung beetles in flight
    Go for six shades of shite
    And you wouldn’t want those in your hair!

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    He bragged, “You will note when I’m bare,
    My member’s enormous and rare.”
    I searched high and low,
    With continual woe.
    And finally had to ask, “Where?”

  7. Paul Haebig says:

    At the market there’s nothing of use!
    They’re fresh out of pasta and juice.
    I really was keen
    to make some tagine
    but to serve it they’ve only one cous!

  8. Sondra Landin says:

    On the subway, it’s Watch Out, Beware!
    At the airport, it’s Welcome, Take Care!
    On the street, speeding bikes,
    Falling metal, small tykes;
    Am I safe, sitting home in my chair?

  9. Sondra Landin says:

    I look up from my bed and can’t bear
    One more day without something to wear;
    Granny nighties and socks,
    and no pretty new frocks,
    Are driving me quite to despair!

  10. Wildman says:

    The Olymricks of Feb ’22
    Features rhyming events by the slew
    There’s no bored’ main events,
    Competition”s intense
    Go-for-gold in the word pairs race too!

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    White House Barber School: 2016 Instructions

    Comb to side, all the wafer-thin hair.
    Now replace from the back for “mane flair”
    Then add orange dye.
    When dry, pile real high.
    Study hard; that’s the coif Tweet will wear.

  12. Wildman says:

    A distinguished, pomp dinner affair
    Spares no detail, is posh, debonnaire…
    Heck with what we’ll be eating
    Centerpiece fresh, plus seating
    Checks the who, what, when, how, and ware

  13. Paul Haebig says:

    “I’m trying to plan our vacation;
    help me choose an elite destination.
    We must go someplace where
    they have savoir faire.
    To do so is our obligation!”

  14. Wildman says:

    We were stoked for the thrill we were seeking
    But I sensed her anxiety peaking
    “We can’t go, what’ll I wear?”
    I said, “Why should you care?
    What the heck, when we’re both going STREAKING?!?”

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    (This one is from many years ago, when the same rhyme-word was set)

    Ftatateeta said “Highness, beware –
    How the Roman doth ogle and stare!
    Caesar’s bald as a coot –”
    Cleopatra said, “Shoot!
    Caesar’s balled as a stallion down there!”

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    With the shortage of loo-rolls complete,
    Many folks can no longer excrete.
    But, thankfully, I
    Have a massive supply –
    With a picture of Trump on each sheet.

  17. Terry Marter says:

    My morning suit’s ok to wear
    At an afternoon wedding (seems fair).
    And my dinner suit’s fine
    When with posh friends I dine,
    But my Birthday suit? Always that stare!

  18. Tim James says:

    Try our new paper casual wear!
    It’s quite cheap and has no need for care.
    When your clothing you doff,
    You can just rip it off.
    The name of the line: Wear and Tear.

  19. Sondra Landin says:

    The child was not likely aware
    That her playing could banish all care,
    But her chords and pure trills
    Sent all manner of thrills
    To the dolls near the piano right there!

  20. Sondra Landin says:

    Our friendship’s beginning to wear;
    What more do we have we can share?
    The men in our lives
    Now have other wives,
    So what’s left we can bare – or declare?

  21. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a doctor, “If patients are bare,
    Baggy pants are the best thing to wear.
    A member that’s turgid
    Is in folds of serge hid;
    Which avoids that embarrassing glare.”

  22. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Flo goes on about “nothing to wear,”
    And on having no cash and less hair.
    Scarcely taking a breath,
    She can beat dearth to death.
    ‘Least, for her, there’s no shortage of air.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mary’s mindless, with nary a care.
    So bewildered, there’s none to compare.
    Her clothes: always wet.
    Doesn’t make her upset.
    She says, “They are all wash and wear”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry day I dress up in old rags.
    My life story is so full of snags.
    Though I’ve nice clothes to wear,
    I’m fraught with despair.
    I don’t know how to pull off those tags.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Being Creative

    When the shortage was at its full peak,
    I created an awesome technique.
    With a real short supply,
    Of toilet roll, I
    Stamped on each square the day of the week.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Shortage Of Men

    Thought Chicago was not real abound
    With men, till I finally found
    Right next to the bar,
    (Gotta know where they are)
    A whole bunch of them flat on the ground.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Using An Actual Sentence (L3)

    Mary’s mindless, with nary a care.
    So bewildered, there’s none to compare.
    Though her clothes are all wet,
    Mary’s never upset.
    Cuz she says, “They are all wash and wear.”

  28. Terry Marter says:

    The government said to the Mint
    “We’re broke; need more cash: Go to Print.”
    The Mint said “Fair enough, –
    but we can’t print your stuff:
    There’s a shortage of ink, and we’re Skint.”

  29. David W. Hodges says:

    A flighty young gal named Adair
    had no sense of fashion or flair,
    To a play on Broadway
    she wore lingerie.
    She never knew what to wear where.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    From a couple years ago…

    The t p shelves – empty again!
    I asked the store manager when
    They’ll get re-supply.
    She said “end of July;
    You’ll just have to hold it ’til then.”

  31. Dave Johnson says:

    The phrase “I have nothing to wear”
    Is solved with a chance to go bare.
    And that was the case
    With a lady named Grace
    Exposing her shortage with flair.

  32. Terry Marter says:

    The list is too easy to do:
    Pros and cons re the mind of guess who.
    There’s verbal excretion
    And mental depletion
    (No pros) just to name but a few.

  33. Rudy Landesman says:

    You’re lying awake in your bed,
    And that libido shortage you dread.
    You’re concerned that your organ
    Is less than a gorgon.
    Try writing a lim’rick instead.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Shortage: Where Are The Perfect Men?

    I’ve yet to find one man for me.
    Because it’s imperative he
    Has a house and a job,
    And must not be a slob.
    For those assets, I’d have to find 3.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love mys’tries, a book’s always there
    On the shelf near my real comfy chair.
    By design, they’re misleading.
    I just can’t stop reading
    Till I know the how, why, when and where.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Have a knife day”, said he with deep care.
    He looked very sharp, had such flair.
    Then he purred, “See you spoon”
    And that just made me swoon.
    (Never met such divine silverware)

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Chihuahua, 2 pounds, not much hair,
    Met a savage and fierce Grizzly Bear.
    He said, “Looks may deceive,
    But you better believe
    In this case, I better beware.

  38. Bob Turvey says:

    When I bought a car from Bill Ware,
    My son said, “Oh please dad, take care.
    I don’t like the guy
    He looks very sly
    And the sign on his door says B. Ware.”

  39. The KKK guy went on a tear
    when seeing what was left to wear.
    His white robe had the plight
    of mixing with brights,
    and now it’s rainbow parade fare.

  40. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When the mountain folk first grew aware,
    That their “Bigfoot” had grown too much hair,
    A young barber, quite brave,
    Offered Yeti a shave,
    But was certain he heard him say, “Ne’er!”

  41. Terry Marter says:

    (Double)
    Just short of a syllable?

    Just discovered that “Just”’s a good sort
    of word, if your line’s just too short.
    You can add “Just” just there
    or just here (just beware), –
    If “Just”’s Not justified, “just” abort.

    ****
    From Mad Kane:
    You’re right. “Just” (along with quite and sure) might well be the three most over-used limerick fillers.

  42. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mysophobics remain on alert
    for all filth, both alive and inert,
    Even scouring with care,
    Their most fine earthenware,
    In an effort to scrub out the dirt.

  43. Wildman says:

    “I’m all ears”, said the young, boisterous hare
    He’d ignored farmers sign of “BEWARE!”
    In the snare, his friends knew
    He was in quite a stew
    Or WOULD BE, for his act on a dare

  44. Wildman says:

    Twas a shortage of shorts, so beware!
    Basketball, long ago, just compare…
    See Kareem, Larry Bird
    Vs today, so absurd
    They were more like today’s underware!

  45. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Correction for previous (10:03 a.m.) verse.

    When the mountain folk first grew aware,
    That their “Bigfoot” had grown too much hair,
    A young barber, quite brave,
    Offered Yeti a shave,
    But backed off when he heard him yell, “Ne’er!”

  46. Bob Turvey says:

    The UK’s not got much heating gas;
    Like all shortages, though, it will pass.
    When folk die of cold
    THEIR gas can be sold –
    A solution admittedly crass.

  47. Rudy Landesman says:

    We’re off to the races once more,
    And Lisi is first out the door.
    But is she aware
    That Wildman’s still there,
    And he’s hungry to even the score?

  48. Wildman says:

    My wife, how she left me defeated
    She got me on a prank (so conceited…)
    So to get the last laugh
    Thought it smart (but a gaffe…)
    Kind of back-fired to leave her short-sheeted…

  49. Wildman says:

    (oh sheet, had to enhance this one…)

    My wife, how she left me defeated
    She got me on a prank (so conceited…)
    So to get the last laugh
    Thought it smart (but a gaffe…)
    Was short-sighted to leave her short-sheeted…

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    shortage and wear: What Women Really Mean

    My outlook is lacking in mirth.
    My goodness! I see such a dearth
    Of things I can wear.
    I’m full of despair.
    I want all the clothes on the Earth.

  51. Jackie Chou says:

    I have no fault of which I’m aware
    Says the narcissist, of whom we must beware
    She’ll squash you to feed her own ego
    Faster than I can say “I told you so.”
    You’re no more than dandruff in her hair.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Hill” shortage of men

    The ladies who live here are “chilly”
    For warmth, they must all count on Billy.
    Though Billy’s just fair,
    They are in such despair,
    That they overlook Billy’s wee willy.

  53. Tim James says:

    Since I don’t want to use “just” as padding (see Terry’s limerick above), I just re-wrote my last limerick as follows:

    Try our new paper casual wear!
    It’s quite cheap and has no need for care.
    When your clothing you doff,
    You can rip it right off.
    The name of the line: Wear and Tear.

    ****
    From Mad Kane:
    Terry’s right. “Just” (along with quite and sure) might well be the three most over-used limerick fillers.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Rudy, “It’s Post Time”

    Yes, Rudy, I’m fully aware
    That Wildman is once again there.
    And although he’s a stallion
    From the Lim’rik Battalion,
    He can’t beat this very cute mare.

  55. Wildman says:

    Yes, this bronco’s both wild and rare
    And I sense ‘looking back’ in the air…
    But like Shoemaker Willie
    Won’t get beat by a filly
    I’m now ‘horse’ from the shouting, BEWARE!

  56. Wildman says:

    There’s a shortage of patience right now
    From LA, then head East, to Moscow
    For a cure more than ample
    Use the bovine example
    Count to ten, but then DON’T have a cow!

  57. Wildman says:

    Yvette’s curves left the guys’ mouths agape
    And they drooled to consume her on tape
    She was beyond compare
    (Yet you’re still unaware…)
    Oh, the draw was her real ‘nice pear’… shape!

  58. Wildman says:

    There’s no glut, meat and fish, as we’ve known
    But some honeymooners do condone
    They’re all sate, doing fine
    With a full glass of wine
    And their sandwich of ‘lettuce alone’…

  59. Wildman says:

    And sticking with the Honeymoon theme…

    Honeymooners are known to thrill seek
    And some never see sun (tongue in cheek…)
    Though it matters not where
    A conclusion that’s fair
    Is that seven days makes a ‘hole week’!

  60. Wildman says:

    This version’s a ‘hole’ lot better…

    Honeymooners are known to thrill seek
    And some never see sun (tongue in cheek…)
    Though it matters not where
    A conclusion that’s fair:
    Seven days of it makes a ‘hole week’!

  61. Wildman says:

    The TRUTH shortage – soon we won’t know it….
    And the mass media doesn’t show it
    With their world-wide dominions
    Peddling truth as opinions
    Time to ‘take us to church’, or we’ll blow it…

    (Think, or better yet, pray on that for a bit…)

  62. Wildman says:

    There’s NO SHORTAGE of whines and complaints
    Or the phrases we aptly call “aints”
    Ain’t my job, ain’t your turn
    Ain’t enough, you ain’t learn
    Holds his breath, till it stops? Then he feints…

  63. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a sex-mad young fellow called Benny,
    “There’s no shortage of girls – there are many.
    They have beautiful thighs
    And “come-hither” eyes –
    But the fact is – I AIN’T GETTING ANY !”

    [“Water water every where, nor any drop to drink …”]

  64. Terry Marter says:

    “Tell me all: Who, what, why, when and where”
    Said the “journalist” blocking my stair.
    “Get lost; shut the gate,
    Or you’ll join your pap’ mate
    On the pile in that skip over there!”

  65. Wildman says:

    I was robbed by a chick in a sweater
    She’d a gambling need and a debtor
    Took my coins, didn’t care
    And here’s the part where
    I declared it my ‘change for the bettor’

  66. Jackie Chou says:

    In Barbieland there was a shortage of men
    Five lovely ladies to one Ken
    All of whom he would bonk
    Until he became a Buddhist monk
    Turning his life from sin to Zen

  67. Wildman says:

    We’ll, she owed him ‘back pay’ and was short
    So the savvy gal winked, “Let’s covort…”
    Voila, problem solved
    And with no cash involved
    And he gave HER his ‘raise’, the good sport…

  68. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Finding excellent child care is rare.
    She is out there, but I don’t know where —
    Someone cute (and yet staid),
    I’d refer to as maid,
    Who my husband could call an au pair.

  69. P Diane Schneider says:

    The challenge

    At high altitude there is less air
    So you go up there if you dare
    But if your head spins
    Where nobody wins
    I warned you that you should beware

  70. P Diane Schneider says:

    At the cabaret

    I can’t say that I really care
    What Carolyn decides to wear
    Cause it won’t be long
    Though totally wrong
    She’ll soon be out here dancing bare!

  71. P Diane Schneider says:

    PSSST!

    I saw that guy over there stare
    When they served you that huge eclaire
    If you’d care to slice
    You might add some spice
    (I just thought you should be aware)

  72. Wildman says:

    A small fact of which I am aware
    Did you know bees have, on their eyes, hair?!
    Mis-bee-hiving or sly
    Kids get mom’s hairy eye
    Think it simply won’t work, au contraire!

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    A shortage of beef is projected.
    It seems that the cows are infected.
    But why should we care?
    Since we’re keenly aware
    That the burger joints aren’t affected.

  74. Wildman says:

    A subtle, sweet improvement…

    A small fact of which I am aware
    Did you know bees have, on their eyes, hair?!?
    Mis-bee-hiving or sly
    Kids get mom’s hairy eye
    Gets the honey-dos done with that glare!

  75. Kirk Miller says:

    To avoid winter cold and its strife,
    I moved south to a warm, sunny life.
    But I still must beware
    Of the chill in the air
    From the cold, icy stare of my wife.

  76. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Revenge of the overused Fillers

    A shortage of brooms, so I trust,
    Is the cause of your house full of dust.
    I am sure that I’m right.
    Don’t agree and say: “Quite”!
    My complaint is entirely just.

  77. Kirk Miller says:

    No proctologist shortage is found.
    The profession is really quite sound.
    Doctors enter the field,
    One that’s always appealed,
    Because openings always abound.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    When young, I was “vainly” aware
    Bout the style of my long flowing hair.
    But now I am old,
    And the truth must be told.
    I throw on a hat. I don’t care.

  79. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi, stop horsing around.
    That Wildman is fast gaining ground.
    There’s no time to spare
    To show you’re aware
    That fillies can also be crowned.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Yes Rudy, I know that I must
    Keep writing, but now I’m nonplussed.
    I’m pulling my hair
    And sadly aware
    That I’m stuck in the mud without “just”

  81. Tim James says:

    There’s a shortage that threatens the gains
    That we’ve made against SARS viral strains.
    With the number of hacks
    Spewing stuff anti-vax,
    What we lack most acutely is brains.

  82. Dane Paulsen says:

    Seeing how some people wear
    Their masks, I must say beware.
    It hangs below nose,
    Under chin some chose.
    How condoms fail, I now am aware.

  83. Dane Paulsen says:

    Adam and Eve have admissions
    Due to many ambitions.
    I think it is fair,
    The first I’m aware,
    To ignore apple terms and conditions.

  84. Wildman says:

    Lisi’s cute Quarter Horse (has one leg?!?)
    Ponies up, starts to limp and to beg…
    With your shortage of speed
    Please give way to my steed
    Give your purse to my Thoroughbread Greg

  85. Wildman says:

    (Or should it be ‘pogos up’ vs. ‘ponies up’…?!?)

  86. Clay Wild says:

    I’m on Mad’s sore black list, I’m aware
    Hoping for fair two-way fence repair…
    Had to change my pen-name
    For some limited fame
    Do I now feel deterred? Au Contraire!

    *********
    From Mad Kane:

    Similar screen name.
    Same email address.
    Same IP Address.
    Yeah, that was REALLY gonna fool me.

    And by the way, complaining about being on an alleged “sore black list” is unlikely to win you any friends or influence people.

  87. When panic hits, folks rush to buy
    Rolls of Charmin, which makes the supply
    Plummet fast, and provokes
    Way, way too many folks
    To disperse random Eskimo pie.

  88. I think I should make you aware
    That your shade’s up, and thus that your bare
    Naked ass can be seen
    From the street – and the scene
    Is inciting this pervert to stare.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Continuing This Recent Horse Racing Theme: Triple Crown, 2016

    Dear Mad’leine, I’ve noticed you’ve fussed
    ‘Bout “fillers” you’ve lately discussed.
    But I feel it’s fair
    And I hope you’re aware
    That Justify justifies “just”

  90. Wildman says:

    When ideas do dry up and are lacking
    Time to throw in the towel and start packing?
    Then you have to think twice
    Against your own advice
    Your perceived meltdown could be just slacking…

  91. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Long ago, folks were given a scare
    About March: “Fear the Ide looming there!”
    Though I’d laugh at this thing,
    It still happens each spring;
    Think of April 15th — and beware!

  92. Dane Paulsen says:

    Dear algebra, will you please try.
    Don’t ask us to quantify.
    Find your X? Be aware.
    Won’t come back. I sware.
    And please don’t you try to ask Y.

  93. Dane Paulsen says:

    A shortage of gifts a misgiving.
    At Christmas it won’t be forgiving.
    No need to concede,
    Just reduce the need.
    Bring up politics at thanksgiving.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    Help! My Arm Is Magnetic! (says Miss Moron)

    The vaccine we received has been hacked.
    And those who succumbed will be tracked.
    People, please read my lips.
    There’s a shortage of chips.
    Make tracks, cuz you’re ‘gonna be whacked.

  95. Dave Johnson says:

    As recent events would define,
    Here’s something that’s way in decline:
    In matters with Trump,
    There’s a serious slump;
    Republicans blessed with a spine.

  96. Dane Paulsen says:

    Yesterday my wife ran away.
    With my best friend Bear; cliche?
    “I wasn’t aware”
    “Your best friend was Bear”.
    He wasn’t, till yesterday.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Limerick From Today, at 1:20: My Magnetic Arm

    The vaccine some received has been hacked.
    And those who succumbed will be tracked.
    People, please read my lips.
    There’s a shortage of chips.
    You must flee, or you’re ‘gonna be whacked.

  98. Andrey Scheglov says:

    At my age, inspiration is rare
    And short-lasting, of which I’m aware.
    And my English is fair;
    Yet there’s no despair:
    I still did! Truly yours, Russian Bear.

  99. Rudy Landesman says:

    With an attitude: “Devil may care”,
    The lady is flaunting her ware.
    She has a high price,
    But if you are nice,
    She may have a moment to spare.

  100. Daisy ward says:

    Beware if PC Siri comes to life
    She’ll carve your life up with a knife
    She’ll twist you around
    Make you look like a clown
    When asking a question, think twice

  101. Daisy ward says:

    There once was a shortage on coins
    In a coinless town call, DE Moines
    Paper money was all
    It was stack six feet tall
    Seeing it, made others shook in their loins

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    Abandoning usage of “just”
    Admittedly has me nonplussed.
    This notion to drop
    Filler words as a prop;
    I’ll start using “like” if I must.

  103. Dave Johnson says:

    With rainfall, we’re coming up short;
    Snow also, I have to report.
    But, changing her tune,
    Mother Nature may soon
    Foreclose on our Winter resort.

  104. Wildman says:

    For our safety, to make you aware
    Roadside semis will put out a flare
    What if humans used these
    To control our dis-ease
    Every flare-up notes need for repair

  105. Wildman says:

    When shortcake comes up short you should try
    The dessert sweet key lime-erick pie
    Filler words, additives
    And some ripe adjectives
    You’ll agree it’s so rich, for, to die

  106. Wildman says:

    For the bald electrician, despair…
    Rogaine treatments don’t work, he’s aware
    Electrons did connive
    Sparked the wire, made it live
    Caused a short and a shock of red hair!

  107. Clay Wild says:

    A dessert with ingredients pure
    Is a treat called the Turkish Asure
    There’s no fillers inside
    Critics love to deride
    JUST the best, QUITE unique, yes for SURE!

  108. Clay Wild says:

    There’s no shortage of food on a cruise
    You get all that you want and free booze
    You can lounge on the deck
    Play the slots, what the heck
    If you bet you’ll lose weight, then you’ll lose

  109. Clay Wild says:

    There’s no shortage of high notes from Reggie
    He used to sing bass, but got edgy
    You’d be right to assert
    Just how DID he convert?
    He perfected the self-imposed wedgie!

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    It feels like we’re going to hell.
    So don’t make your powder room smell.
    Though you may be replete
    With the toilet roll sheet.
    Steer clear of your town’s Taco Bell.

  111. Clay Wild says:

    More notable version…

    There’s no shortage of high notes from Reggie
    Was a bass, wanted something more edgy
    You’d be right to assert
    Just how DID he convert?
    He perfected the self-imposed wedgie!

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    A shortage of tea? That ain’t nice!
    So one bag will just have to suffice.
    For more than one cup,
    Heed my words; Listen up:
    Dunk twice, if addicted, dunk thrice.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Above Limerick

    A shortage of tea? That ain’t nice!
    One bag may just have to suffice.
    For more than one cup,
    Here’s help; listen up:
    Dunk twice, if addicted, dunk thrice.

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    This flight service charter is where
    You get to make love in the air.
    Their plane is sublime
    For an amorous time;
    Above all, it’s hard not to bare.

    The Love Cloud is at your command.
    With fantasy journeys they’ve planned,
    Just you and your lover
    Are left to discover
    How happy you’ll be when they land.

  115. Rudy Landesman says:

    There’s a problem we have here on Earth.
    Of filler words there is dearth.
    I complain, since I must.
    I adore the word “just”.
    It has depth, broadly used it has girth.

  116. Dane Paulsen says:

    Sitting on commode with ass bare,
    And toilet paper roll right there.
    It pulls from top down,
    Gets rid of the brown.
    If it pulls from the bottom beware.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Used to store dinner scraps with great care.
    Making sure that the frig wasn’t bare.
    Now I’ve dumped all the crusts
    And replaced them with justs.
    Sealed real tight in my pink Tupperware.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hi Cutie, I’m wondering where
    Your clothes are; you seem to be bare.”
    Well, “Mama, ” I said,
    They’re under the bed.”
    Then Mama asked, “Who is that there?”

  119. The pawslut had more socks than he could wear
    His fetish wouldn’t permit him to share
    Ladies socks were small
    Compression socks were tall
    He masturbated with each matching pair

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s my duty to make you aware
    That the ownership’s changed, so please bare
    With me, too, as you did
    With old Elsie and Sid.
    Signed, Rodolpho, their naturist heir.

  121. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I had DNA tested for kicks,
    So my “roots” I might firmly affix.
    To a lab I sent hair
    From a sweater I wear.
    The results that came back? “Poodle mix.”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Hill Apartment Complex

    As a senior, I’m often aware
    That I can’t find the key, but don’t care!
    Not to worry, I go
    To get one from Flo.
    Who tells me she can’t find my spare.

  123. Dane Paulsen says:

    No shortage of snow.

    The last snowplow broke – had a fit
    So, the driver about to quit.
    Then told his boss,
    “All is not lost”.
    “Take this job and shovel it”.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    shortage and wear

    My problem is “not enough clothes.”
    Though my wardrobe is full, goodness knows!
    Yet I’m still in despair.
    I have nothing to wear
    That perfectly matches my toes.

  125. Dane Paulsen says:

    Fan shortage.

    The stadium not empty long,
    But the air was very wrong.
    It had been cooler,
    A real fooler,
    Because all the fans were gone.

  126. Dane Paulsen says:

    The numbers 1 & 2 worst shortages.

    Local pranksters pull a con.
    At police station, stole their john.
    It was noted,
    Police were quoted.
    “We really have nothing to go on”.

  127. Rudy Landesman says:

    A missing question mark above.

    I ordered pâte de foie gras
    Chopped liver with je ne sais quoi.
    I hope you’re aware
    That I’m très débonnaire.
    You think I’m a Francophile? Moi?

  128. Mark Totterdell says:

    A fur coat is a thing to forswear,
    It’s a garment you never should wear,
    So get out of that habit
    Unless you’re a rabbit,
    Fox, beaver, wolf, squirrel or bear.

  129. Steve Benko says:

    For double duty:

    In the shops if there’s nothing to wear,
    That’s ok; from now on, let’s go bare!
    For supply chain disruption
    The cure’s liposuction,
    And then I’ll be ready. Beware!

  130. The dealership odor profuse.
    Sourcing it clear to deduce.
    This smell I can bet,
    Is salespeople’s sweat.
    No car on the lot to produce.

  131. Wildman says:

    The gross shortage of waitstaff for Sue
    Left ‘self-service’ the best she could do
    Short two short-order cooks
    Hard to balance the books
    Her best tip: “Don’t stand up in canoe”

  132. Dane Paulsen says:

    I take pills with each meal. It’s all right.
    No shortage of pills is in sight.
    Stay healthy I try,
    Don’t think it’s a lie.
    Will pills cure my ills – they just might

  133. Dane Paulsen says:

    Long ago there’s a time I will note.
    Got up to change channels – don’t gloat.
    So please be aware.
    Still get off my chair.
    But now it’s to find the remote.

  134. Wildman says:

    Oh, the legend of 3 Finger Jack…
    How he lived through 2 stabs in the back
    The ripe legend, it lingers
    Despite two missing fingers
    Plugged the wounds up himself with thumb tacks!

  135. Dane Paulsen says:

    Secluded with wife – we thought wise.
    I try to not antagonize.
    Don’t care what I wear,
    Feel glued to my chair.
    Just waiting for covid’s demise.

  136. Wildman says:

    MORE (true) legend of 3 Finger Jack…
    Short those fingers from brutal attack
    He said, “Heck, I’m just fine,
    (after swigging some wine)
    There’s no need to put those fingers back!”

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    “So, the sign read, ‘INTRUDERS! BEWARE!’
    But of whom, or of what? No one there.
    Being bold, we ignored.
    Went ahead and explored,
    And, soon after, encountered the bear.”

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mother actually did own a women’s wear shop in New Jersey.
    The rest is just a joke.

    Mama owned a nice store in “The Square”
    The dresses were none to compare.
    When you walked in her store,
    She’d lock ev’ry door
    Until you bought something to wear.

  139. Tim James says:

    A woman was searching the earth
    For a man. What she found was a dearth
    Of one paramount trait
    She thought well worth the wait.
    See, it isn’t the length…it’s the girth.

  140. Wildman says:

    One Olympian niche and refuge
    Is the Skeleton (head risk is HUGE…)
    I’ve now made you aware
    (emphasis on the ‘scare’)
    Find a much safer bet; you might Luge…

  141. Another one of those cautionary tales.

    Fred was my husband, I’m Claire.
    He died from my bosomy pair.
    His nose had been pressed,
    With “my girls” when I dressed.
    No air could escape, please beware.

  142. Tony Holmes says:

    “Things are serious now. Be aware –
    And belay that facetiousness, there!
    Quarter rations apply –
    And you jokers, comply!
    None but the grave will deserve the fare.”

  143. Mark Totterdell says:

    My balance, as soon as I saw it,
    Was so huge that I couldn’t ignore it,
    Such a pleasing amount
    In my current account!
    Then I noticed the ‘minus’ before it.

  144. Steve Benko says:

    Said Melania, “Here’s what I’ll wear;
    A jacket that says, ‘I don’t care’.
    With a husband this shady,
    It sucks as First Lady;
    Bob Mueller, come on, grow a pair.”

  145. Steve Benko says:

    How come there’s a shortage of chips,
    But not food that goes straight to my hips?
    Though I can’t find a car,
    The real problem by far
    Is the tucks that I’ll need, and some nips.

  146. Wildman says:

    Dialogue, intercourse, and liaison
    Can succumb to the female persuasion
    Conversation is moot
    Body language more mute
    And men rise to each torrid occasion

  147. Wildman says:

    With my best effort did I reflect
    Not one clever pun did I neglect
    If this round I don’t win
    I’ll be filled with chagrin
    But devoid of all judge’s respect

  148. Terry Marter says:

    Showed my Valentine how much I care, –
    Filled a heart-shape balloon with my air.
    It zoomed off with a fart, –
    Didn’t capture her heart
    Now they’ve Both disappeared, – who knows where!?

  149. Terry Marter says:

    On Valentine’s Day, – not a care!
    Love’s journey will end who-knows-where.
    How the years quickly pass
    But we still raise a glass
    Then we both fall asleep in our chair.

  150. Tony Holmes says:

    “Interlopers and scroungers – beware!
    It is not in my nature to share.
    I am hoarding my stuff
    Till I’ve more than enough.
    If that means you go short, I don’t care.”

  151. In hot-tub at end of our date.
    There’s potential for lifetime as mate.
    He took off swim trunk,
    Got a look at his junk.
    “Is that shortage or shrinkage?” I state.

  152. Dane Paulsen says:

    To my sweetheart please be aware.
    Of how much I really do care.
    Because my wife
    Is the love of my life.
    “You’re a lady without compare”.

  153. Dane Paulsen says:

    Pacemaker, pacemaker, please keep pace.
    Don’t let my heart fail this race.
    I know you’re aware
    My defib is there.
    Will restart the beat – just in case.

  154. Tony Holmes says:

    “As you may very well be aware,
    Management has changed hands, so, please bare
    With us while we adjust.
    We are naturists – just –
    So, please don’t take offence if we stare.”

  155. Tony Holmes says:

    “When my doctor approached with, ‘Beware!
    What you’ve got is both nasty and rare.’
    I took hold of his hand,
    Which was not what he’d planned,
    And said, ‘Doctor, I’d like you to share.’”

  156. Dane Paulsen says:

    Shortage of land.

    On lifeboats (escaped being drown).
    Asked the captain for closest land around.
    “It’s only two miles,
    But lose your smiles.
    That direction from here is straight down”.

  157. Dane Paulsen says:

    My hair’s not just turning quite gray.
    Some of it’s now gone away.

    My hair’s not just turning quite gray.
    Some of it’s now gone away.
    So, I can dig,
    A dollar wig.
    It is a small price toupee.

  158. When witches and ghosts fill the air
    A word to the wise – beware
    Please stay out of sight
    When spooks fill the night
    Don’t fall to an evil one’s stare.

  159. Steve Dufour says:

    Adam and Eve had nought to wear,
    But didn’t know so didn’t care.
    So long ago,
    So far to go,
    And always we hope to come back there.

  160. Wildman says:

    I’ve a new punster hero, Dane P
    With no shortfall on PUN (as you’ll see…)
    We’re two-thirds what he do
    We all stink (yeah, PU…)
    The new dawg on the block, Great Dane be

  161. Wildman says:

    What we lack is discernment to judge
    Bless the unbiased soul who WILL budge
    What the lofty judge meant
    When she rendered judgment…
    We’re all human, just need a firm nudge

  162. Vaughn Fritts says:

    Her beau was a pretty good sport
    But his member came up somewhat short.
    Cuz he couldn’t send her
    She used an extender
    And straddled atop it athwart.

  163. Davud W. Hodges says:

    The language we speak is replete
    with verbiage both bitter and sweet.
    No shortage you’ll find
    for words that are rhymed,
    so this limerick can now end complete.

  164. Doug Harris says:

    Of limerick writers beware –
    They’ll scratch and they’ll bite and they’ll swear.
    When a contest is scalable
    And glory available
    They’ll crush you and really not care!

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    I needed a simple repair.
    Mr. Fix said, “I’ll shortly be there.”
    This guy was so hot.
    Truly hit the right spot.
    I’m so glad I had nothing to wear

  166. Dane Paulsen says:

    Women spend much time, while drinking.
    Wondering what men are thinking.
    They should be aware,
    That thinking is rare.
    The time men spend thinking, is shrinking.

  167. Dane Paulsen says:

    Life is a toilet roll, large when new.
    Each rotation’s length shorter (same as years do).
    So, you must be aware,
    Your demise will be there.
    When the cardboard tube is in view.

  168. Wildman says:

    Fleeting mem’ry is something I dread
    All day long, can’t recall what I said
    But my recall is clear
    When my girlfriend is near
    I re-member her, often, in bed…

  169. Ken Gosse says:

    Inspired by Mad’s “je ne sais quoi …”
    Peek-a-Boob! ~
    I saw there was something bare there,
    and though knowing that I shouldn’t stare,
    it wouldn’t didn’t seem fair
    to pretend not to care
    about clothing she chose not to wear.

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    Inscribed on the Smith’s welcome mat:
    “Our puppy is truly a brat.
    So guests, please beware
    And enter with care.
    While you’re at it, watch out for the cat.”

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Mother’s Aforementioned Dress Shop

    If there’s one thing my mom didn’t lack
    Was politeness, she sure had the knack.
    For the chubbies to wear,
    She said, with much care:
    “The color for lardbags is black.”

  172. Lisi Nortman says:

    My girl says I’m “one thoughtful dude”
    Yet, sometimes she claims I am rude.
    Though it feels great to share.
    She’s still not aware:
    There’s no “we” when it comes to my food.

  173. Wildman says:

    So a fork is a kind of a ware
    While a spoon’s not that often aware
    It’s for soup or dessert
    And knives cut but don’t hurt
    But a place we can eat is, uh, where?

  174. Wildman says:

    Of the Emp’s brand new clothes you’re aware
    Here’s a little known fact, if you care
    After red-faced walk jeers
    He served 20 more years
    Went to prove he was no worse for wear…

  175. Wildman says:

    It’s right under that thing over there…
    Define ‘thing’, it’s a mess, that’s not fair…
    A covert, subtle ploy…
    With your mind does it toy…
    Aren’t you dying to scream UNDER-WEAR?!?

  176. Mark Totterdell says:

    A face mask will make people stare
    If you wear one, while otherwise bare,
    In a way that’s quite wrong,
    As a loincloth or thong,
    So beware where you wear what you wear!

  177. Wildman says:

    The king’s son was so spoiled, didn’t care…
    ‘Round the castle, dad’s crown did he wear
    With his ev’ry demand
    Things got quite out of hand
    The queen’s forecast was ‘reign in the heir’…

  178. Tim James says:

    Twisting a nursery rhyme into a limerick:

    I’m a simple young fellow named Simon.
    I said to a wandering pie man:
    “On your way to the fair?
    Let me sample your ware.”
    He said: “Pay, or bug off with your rhymin’.”

  179. Steve Benko says:

    “Of cash once again there’s a shortage,”
    Said Weisselberg. “Where should I forage?”
    “This problem’s not real;
    Read ‘The Art of the Deal,’ ”
    Answered Donald. “Just don’t pay the mortgage.”

  180. Dane Paulsen says:

    A shortage of puns?

    Punny lims they may not be your taste.
    But punny is funny, when paced.
    Wolf puns are various,
    Some are howl-arious.
    Avoiding all puns, a fun waist.

  181. Wildman says:

    Jack-the-Knife, pretty sharp, has a flair
    Cutting edge, never dull, flustered ne’er
    Critics harsh, pretty crass
    Mocked his green blade of grass
    Told a joke, sliced the tension mid-air!

  182. Wildman says:

    Better a-ware-ness version…

    Jack-the-Knife, pretty sharp, has a flair
    Cutting edge, never dull, earthen-ware?
    Critics harsh, pretty crass
    Mocked his green blade of grass
    Told a joke, sliced the tension mid-air!

  183. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When the Queen called the Munchkins to court,
    She had promising news to report:
    “The world’s scarcity plight
    Has attained a new height —
    And now ev’ryone’s going to be short!”

  184. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Quote From Mad’s Facebook Page: “I’m looking for wine that pairs well
    with pretending to like football.”
    A Quote from Mark’s Facebook Page: “Madeleine knows next to NOTHING about sports. ” (I’m not making this up, folks)

    Our Mad’leine knows all about “torts”
    And ev’ry thing dealing with “courts”
    Yet are you aware
    That she pulls out her hair
    And gets tipsy when Mark mentions sports?

    (case closed)

  185. Lisi Nortman says:

    One Darn Word ! To be more specific “watches” (L5)

    Our Mad’leine knows all about “torts.”
    And ev’rything dealing with “courts”
    But are you aware
    That she pulls out her hair,
    And gets tipsy when Mark watches sports?

  186. Dane Paulsen says:

    Took my car to the dealer, a moaner.
    They said there will be no loaner.
    Waited hours, beware.
    Because they don’t care.
    A loner just has no car donner.

  187. Dane Paulsen says:

    A shortage of HUGS.

    We meet people, see half their mugs.
    We ask how they are; we get shrugs.
    Close interaction,
    Was an attraction.
    I truly miss all those hugs.

  188. Dane Paulsen says:

    Retired, meant more golf I engage.
    Experience lowers scores said a sage.
    But I’m stiff with wear.
    Highter scores, I think fair.
    Some things won’t improve with age.

  189. Dane Paulsen says:

    With TV remote in my hand.
    I control what goes on in that land.
    Many channels, I’m aware.
    Lots more than I care.
    Yet not much is there I can stand.

  190. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Not Into Twins”

    Didn’t want a she linked with a he.
    My wife, of course didn’t agree.
    She wasn’t aware
    That my sign at The Fair
    Said, “Buy One And Get One For Free.”

  191. Rudy Landesman says:

    I think that you’ve made a faux pas.
    People stare and you wonder pour quoi.
    If really you care
    Change that dress you now wear,
    And problem is solved, un deux trois.

  192. Wildman says:

    There’s a shortage of breath in the pool
    We hear wheezing and gasps as the rule
    Oh, the coughs and a yelp
    Some think snorkels will help
    As the fish learn in schools, we’re the fool

  193. Rudy Landesman says:

    Mademoiselle, I regret telling you,
    I must call off tonight’s rendezvous.
    I’m sorry to say
    When it comes to français,
    I’m deficient in my parley-voo.

  194. Steve Benko says:

    Divorce means a shortage of sex,
    So at times you bed down with your ex.
    That’s a feeling of splendor,
    Until you remember
    The reason you split: she henpecks.

  195. Wildman says:

    There’s a blight. In our lim’rick submittal
    And it’s feared it will end in committal
    There’s a shortage, a drought
    Lest we figure it out
    We’ll have only dry grounds for aquittal

  196. Wildman says:

    Now we’re TOAST, there’s a shortage of bread…
    Yet I can’t get it straight in my head
    With the loafers on strike
    Want a bread-raise pay hike
    So they ARE back to loafing instead

  197. Wildman says:

    There’s a slow down of clocks being made
    And the timing is bad, I’m afraid…
    We’re not short on supply
    Though you’re right to ask why
    The ‘late’ Swiss guy was mad – never paid…

  198. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ay, por qué? Mais, pourquoi? Ach, warum?
    I question the world. Still, I’m dumb.
    Though my knowledge is scant,
    I’m still given to rant
    And beating my own broken drum.

  199. Wildman says:

    ‘POLLEN shortage’ has just made the news
    All the plants are now closed where it spews
    Like the Venus fly trap
    Rose buds closed with a snap!
    The result, honey-don’ts vs. dos…

  200. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “There, there” — an expression of care —
    Murmured lovingly into my hair,
    Is a guaranteed sop
    To provoke me to stop
    the tears. I can’t help but ask, “Where?”

  201. Wildman says:

    Sun-screen shortage has now been conveyed
    All the fact’ries are closed where it’s made
    We’re all burnt and unsure
    ‘Cept one entrepreneur
    Who claims HE has it made in the shade!

  202. Terry Marter says:

    Tooting, is a South London District.
    Rooting (US): Cheering.
    Rooting (Aus): Having sex.
    Route (UK & Aus): Pronounced Root.
    Pissed (US): Angry.
    Pissed (Aus): Drunk.

    Rhetoric: Who ARE these people? What’s going on? (Your choice).

    Keep your truck quiet if routing through Tooting.
    Tooting air-horns will disrupt our rooting.
    This warning is fair:
    Heads up (down?) Beware, –
    We’ll be pissed; you could trigger a shooting.

  203. Lisi Nortman says:

    I know all about your affair.
    I assume, Mary, you’re not aware
    Of that nice cozy bed
    On top of your head.
    With a Maryland crab sleeping there.

  204. Wildman says:

    He was perfect, not skinny or fat
    Their first date, took her back to his flat
    He was quick, took no time
    In a flash, so sublime
    His lone short-coming: simply just that…

  205. Wildman says:

    There’s a shortage of ‘pars’ on the course
    But it kind of makes sense, in due course
    There will be no dispute
    Students and point is mute
    Oh, the course, to learn French, oui of course!

  206. Wildman says:

    We know thoughtfulness is on the wane
    And we think of this time and again
    We should all think of others
    In the words of our mothers
    “I think YOU’RE GROUNDED, need I explain?!”

  207. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  208. After one year, there’s no shutters.
    “No wood for plantations,” she mutters.
    With excuses she’s through,
    Sends a letter to sue.
    “They’ve turned a blinds eye,” now she sputters.

  209. Mark Totterdell says:

    I’m the world’s richest billionaire,
    So I choose what I do, when and where.
    If the things that I do
    Are repugnant to you,
    I just do them regardless, so there!

  210. Lisi Nortman says:

    I met him at Dump City Dive.
    He dances the bop and the jive.
    But he’s sadly aware
    That he can’t do the swear
    Cuz this cat never learned how to drive.

  211. Wildman says:

    Bob retired from his job at the airline
    Balding fast, but he’d spout his “Don’t care!” line
    Met a new girlfriend Jane
    And with help from Rogaine
    He’s quite proud of his re-seeding hair line!

  212. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s not that I try to sound tough,
    But sometimes the “journey” is rough.
    In a sec, I’m aware
    I just have to swear
    When “my goodness” is hardly enough.

  213. Wildman says:

    Dr. Charles had a big PhD
    But he’d Mastered Kung Fu at age 3
    He quit work, thirty-six
    Jujitsu, just for kicks
    More content, to a lesser degree…

  214. Wildman says:

    It was clear, Ken had skimmed off the top…
    From what he called the shareholder’s crop
    But as his wife attested
    He wasn’t arrested
    Just his crew cut – hair growth doesn’t stop

  215. Terry Marter says:

    I studied a Pygmy cohort
    That swaps partners and loves to cavort.
    I asked a male Pygmy
    “Why switch to polyg’my?”
    “My wives and I think life’s too short!”

  216. Terry Marter says:

    Shorts shortage

    A nude masochist’s three pairs of undies
    Get washed only Wensd’ys and Sund’ys.
    When he’s hangin’ his ‘smalls’
    He Keeps pegs on his balls;
    Sits in ice-water Thursd’ys and Mond’ys.

  217. Wildman says:

    4th & Short, with just one yard to go…
    Knew the game – cut it short, rake in dough
    Quite a drive, had to pass
    Then he ran out of gas
    Got to 3rd Street, but then couldn’t mow…

  218. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 489. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off DRONES.

  219. David Friedman says:

    Having sex in her pool, Mrs. Jones
    Was filmed by a couple of drones.
    The clip, it went viral
    As there’s no denial
    It’s quite a nice pool that she owns.

  220. David Friedman says:

    Disregard that. ^ Accidentally clicked the wrong link.