Archive for June, 2017

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TRAIN at the end of any one line

Saturday, June 24th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TRAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GARDENING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GARDEN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 9, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 8, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A man was attempting to train
His young pooch to pee fast in the rain.
The obstreperous pet
Just adored getting wet,
So it lingered – dry clothes down the drain.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (280)

Saturday, June 24th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Every Brave and his tribe had to waive
All the rights to the land that they’d crave.
So I hope that you see
It’s the land of the free,
But no longer the home of the Brave.

Congratulations to MARTY GERENDASY, who wins the Special Graduation-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Best of luck to the new group of grads!
What a fine bunch of lassies and lads.
May they all have success
As they clean up the mess
That was left by their moms and their dads!

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

They thought he was safe in his grave,
The liar, the traitor, the knave.
But they heard a faint moan,
And the soil was upthrown
As a tiny hand started to wave.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, Fred Bortz, Dave Johnson, Suzanne Heymann, Hildy Zampella, Byron Miller, and David Reddekopp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WAVE/WAIVE” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

He’d come on to her hard at the rave
When she’d flashed him a wink and a wave.
But he started to freak
When they danced cheek to cheek
‘Cause the “gal” was in need of a shave.

Marty Gerendasy:

With a wink and a smile and a wave
She could make any guy misbehave.
And she’d always defend
Her attempts to befriend.
“I’m just giving the boys what they crave.”

Fred Bortz:

“Does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er our country, the Home of the Brave?
Is our nation still free?”
Wonders Francis Scott Key,
As our forefathers roll in the grave.

Dave Johnson:

Now Trump is refusing to save
Our earth from the sun’s early grave.
So dumb, he can’t see
Mar-a-Lago will be
A House with a permanent wave.

Suzanne Heymann:

His long beard had the kinkiest wave,
And his wife asked, “Dear, why don’t you shave?
At least use some shampoo
To remove all the goo
No more nooky if you don’t behave!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRADUATION LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

Congrats to the grads! It’s your day!
Let all that you’ve learned light your way!
Now the world looks to you!
To your own self be true,
On this National Day of Cliché.

Hildy Zampella:

Oh good heavens we just got one more!
Graduation announcements galore!
At last count, twenty three.
Will I ever be free
From this card-buying, check-writing chore?

Byron Miller:

If Trump ever speaks to the nation,
To state how he loves education,
The vacuous coot
Will expect a salute
For his primary school graduation.

Dave Johnson:

The valedictorian’s talk,
That proud “Pomp and Circumstance” walk;
Hooray for the grads!
While mothers and dads
Think “How do we get out of hock?”

Fred Bortz:

He may have been last in his class,
The one who just managed to pass,
But be careful. Don’t mock
When you visit that doc
With the proctoscope shoved up your ass.

David Reddekopp:

We’re all graduates. Everyone passes!
Though we sleepwalked through all of our classes,
As the final bell rings
We’ve not learned any things.
Now we’re out in the world – on our asses!

Dave Johnson:

Today should be happy, not sad;
You gained a lot more than you had.
Hard lessons were learned
For the title you’ve earned:
A Trump University grad!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WAVE or WAIVE at the end of any one line

Saturday, June 10th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WAVE or WAIVE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRADUATION, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GRADUATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 25, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 24, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

While I’m up on the stage, please don’t wave,
It’s embarrassing. Kindly behave.
I’m not four, five, or six.
No recordings! No pics…
Or say “Bye” to free tix that you crave.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (279)

Saturday, June 10th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A traveling salesman named Bo
Cruised the bar for an hour or so.
With prospects so light,
His companion that night
Has an air valve and never says “No.”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Bullying-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I know a young man named Jabez
Who’s a bully and liar. He says
All non-white people suck.
He is such a huge schmuck
That I fear that one day he’ll be Prez.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Tim James, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“KNOW/NO” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BULLY LIMERICKS)

Sharon Neeman:

“Bear and nurse; wash and clean; cook and sew;
Never let your intelligence show” —
If, like me, you would hate
This dystopian fate,
Don’t be bullied! Stand up and say “No!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“KNOW/NO” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

Times are tough for us butchers, you know;
I beef because trade is so slow.
But the man who sells beans
Still has plenty of greens,
And the baker is rolling in dough.

Sharon Neeman:

Oh, the terrible things that he’s said!
They could cost him his job — or his head!
But the Times seems to know
How to end this sad show:
“Stop tweeting and go back to bed.”

Sue Dulley:

Strong booze is bacteria’s foe;
Raw hamburger’s bad, we all know,
So cook it right through
On a grill or in stew
And consume with a pint of Merlot.

Tim James:

The creek in our woods couldn’t flow;
It backed up, causing all kinds of woe.
Why must beavers all strain
To cause this kind of pain?
The answer: I’m dammed if I know.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BULLY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

The food-canning factory’s chief
Was a bully beyond all belief.
When he fell in the chopper,
They thought it quite proper
To sell him as “canned bully beef.”

Dave Johnson says:

Earl figured he’d rough up a guy
Who seemed rather quiet and shy.
But testing an ace
From the martial-arts place
Left him blinking with one working eye.

Sue Dulley:

We’ve a ski run that’s called Woolly Bully.
I haven’t explored it quite fully;
I’m afraid if I fall
Off the edge, then to haul
Me back up would take rope and a pulley.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!