Limerick-Off Award (279)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A traveling salesman named Bo
Cruised the bar for an hour or so.
With prospects so light,
His companion that night
Has an air valve and never says “No.”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Bullying-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I know a young man named Jabez
Who’s a bully and liar. He says
All non-white people suck.
He is such a huge schmuck
That I fear that one day he’ll be Prez.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Tim James, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“KNOW/NO” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BULLY LIMERICKS)

Sharon Neeman:

“Bear and nurse; wash and clean; cook and sew;
Never let your intelligence show” —
If, like me, you would hate
This dystopian fate,
Don’t be bullied! Stand up and say “No!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“KNOW/NO” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

Times are tough for us butchers, you know;
I beef because trade is so slow.
But the man who sells beans
Still has plenty of greens,
And the baker is rolling in dough.

Sharon Neeman:

Oh, the terrible things that he’s said!
They could cost him his job — or his head!
But the Times seems to know
How to end this sad show:
“Stop tweeting and go back to bed.”

Sue Dulley:

Strong booze is bacteria’s foe;
Raw hamburger’s bad, we all know,
So cook it right through
On a grill or in stew
And consume with a pint of Merlot.

Tim James:

The creek in our woods couldn’t flow;
It backed up, causing all kinds of woe.
Why must beavers all strain
To cause this kind of pain?
The answer: I’m dammed if I know.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BULLY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

The food-canning factory’s chief
Was a bully beyond all belief.
When he fell in the chopper,
They thought it quite proper
To sell him as “canned bully beef.”

Dave Johnson says:

Earl figured he’d rough up a guy
Who seemed rather quiet and shy.
But testing an ace
From the martial-arts place
Left him blinking with one working eye.

Sue Dulley:

We’ve a ski run that’s called Woolly Bully.
I haven’t explored it quite fully;
I’m afraid if I fall
Off the edge, then to haul
Me back up would take rope and a pulley.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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One Response to “Limerick-Off Award (279)”

  1. Dave Johnson says:

    Thanks Mad and congratulations everyone – great stuff!!

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