Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KNOW or NO at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using KNOW or NO at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BULLIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BULLYING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 11, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 10, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

There are folks who just go with the flow,
While others perversely say “No,”
Without thinking things through.
A third option to rue:
Eeny meeny and miny and moe.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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97 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KNOW or NO at the end of any one line”

  1. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Bear and nurse; wash and clean; cook and sew;
    Never let your intelligence show” —
    If, like me, you would hate
    This dystopian fate,
    Don’t be bullied! Stand up and say “No!”

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    The guy wanted to give it a go,
    Wouldn’t listen when she told him no.
    Really wanted to play
    So he soon had his way.
    Now she’s sporting that telltale glow.

  3. Sharon Neeman says:

    It’s my birthday! Tra-la and heigh-ho!
    Down the path of indulgence I go!
    So you think that more cake
    Is a fateful mistake?
    Pass the ice cream! I don’t want to know!

  4. Marty Gerendasy says:

    As the B.S. continues to flow,
    The Trump scandals continue to grow.
    They just won’t go away.
    Something new every day.
    Will it ever end? Damned if I know!

  5. Sharon Neeman says:

    Melania’s Revenge: An Earnestly Desired Fantasy

    Said Melania to Donald, “You hound!
    So you thought you could boss me around?
    Well, each dog has its day;
    Bullies’ feet are of clay;
    I went looking — and see what I found:

    You’re a traitor! Oh, how did you dare?
    Now get out! Pack your things! The door’s there!”
    “But… but… where will I go?”
    She replied, “I don’t know —
    And frankly, my dear, I don’t care.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:


    Most bullies are cowards, you know,
    And ‘The Grabber’ is just such a schmoe.
    When he’s grabbed by the balls,
    How he blubbers and squalls!
    “Oh, that hurts! It’s not fair! Lemme go!”

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    To Trump and his crew, I say, “NO!”
    What’s right and just, I won’t forego.
    I despise all you do,
    Love the country, you screw.
    I resist, organize, and shout, “WHOA!”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    (Bertie Wooster confides)

    When Fate strikes a terrible blow,
    I call Jeeves – he’s my man, don’t you know –
    And the problem retreats.
    All that fish that he eats
    Gives his brain a remarkable glow.

  9. Jesse Levy says:

    A man that I swear I don’t know
    Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
    They sent in James Bond
    And a beautiful blonde
    I said, “No, I don’t know Doctor No.”

  10. Jesse Levy says:

    This last one is an update. I realized this would scan better. But I can’t delete the older version here.


    From MBK: I deleted your earlier version. Thanks.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The food-canning factory’s chief
    Was a bully beyond all belief.
    When he fell in the chopper,
    They thought it quite proper
    To sell him as “canned bully beef”.

  12. Jesse Levy says:

    In Japan it’s pronounced E-zhe-may.
    But you know what I’m trying to say.
    Your bully in school
    Is really not cool
    And he might be the President some day!

  13. Jesse Levy says:

    Amended version.

    A man in a false volcano
    Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
    They sent in James Bond
    And a beautiful blonde
    Who were able to beat Doctor No.

  14. Jesse Levy says:

    Final version. I’m starting over after this.

    A man with a fake hand and toe
    Caused a lot of real trouble and so,
    They sent in James Bond
    And a beautiful blonde
    Who were able to beat Doctor No.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    Wish the PM had loudly yelled, “NO!”
    Stood his ground and just hollered, “Hey, WHOA!”
    When Trump shoved him aside,
    That we cannot abide,
    Great respect we demand and we show.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    AND final edit:

    All we women just want you to know,
    Saying, “NO!” means desist, stop, and “WHOA!”
    It’s not all about you,
    And what you want to do.
    You’re a bully, and we’re not your ho!

  17. Ryan Tilley says:

    What is the Sound of One Hand Slapping?

    His depression had started to grow
    As her answer was Hell to the No!
    The Commander-In-Chief
    Had desired to debrief,
    But the FLOTUS’ face wasn’t aglow!

  18. The Pirate ship rocked to and fro
    And the Pirates all sang”yo ho ho”
    As the Captain poured rum,
    He said, “tho you’re all scum,
    I love you ” I want you to know”.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    (an old one …)

    Said the co-ed, “It’s true that I’m slow
    To learn skills that I really should know.
    But with good education,
    My Prof for Fellation
    Is getting me there, blow by blow.”

  20. Patrice Stewart says:

    In the Cards?

    As a harassing, bullying lout,
    It’s long past time we called him out.
    Trump: this(!) spade is a spade
    And as Prez, overpaid
    For his cardinal grin, there’s no doubt.

  21. Patrice Stewart says:

    Not That We Know Of

    It seems there’s a dubious rumor
    Trump’s capable of frat-boy humor.
    Creds puffed, touted, rules flouted;
    But at least no Boy Scout-ed.
    I sure wish, as Prez, he could do more

    Yet I don’t think his reach is that high.
    Some foresaw he’d be Eye for an Eye;
    His thought process is coarse,
    He keeps “friends” through fear/force –
    Will we miss him? Umm…just say Buh-Bye.

  22. Patrice Stewart says:

    I’ve Got the Notion That the Nation Won’t Approve

    Newsflash: Trump has received papal nod!
    Thus the US, en masse, should applaud
    As if he were God (no),
    And therefore unflawed (no).
    That’s heresy! Plus, rather odd.

  23. Patrice Stewart says:

    Bully For You

    He wants everybody to know
    That in Rome, the Pope went with the flow:
    He admired female clothing!
    (Despite secret loathing?
    And wished Trump et famille would soon go.)

    But T-man got the big papal nod,
    Now he wants all of us to applaud
    His ascension: he’s God?
    That’s odd. If so, a shod-
    Dy one! I’m not awed, ‘cause he’s (so) flawed.

  24. Patrice Stewart says:

    Delusions of Candor, aka Lost in the Matrix

    Just like you, I’m a humble man, Pope:
    People can, in us both, put their hope!
    Got my spot, Montenegro?
    Move aside: Let the world know
    I’m The One! (Cue: impeachment, or rope.)

  25. Patrice Stewart says:

    Dumb Bull: Door! (Apologies to J. K. Rowling: no scowling or howling :) )

    Go, Trump, Go! What the he**: No, please, no!
    (One-syll. words give me the urge to go
    To the can, in steady diet.
    Whee, two syllables, just try it!)
    It’s clear the Orange One will never know

    What it’s like to be hungry or cold
    Though he mouths the word poverty. Bold
    Move! How I want to cringe,
    Knowing on him may hinge
    Sheer survival. Lord, let me grow old

    In a land with a much better president
    Where I can be proud as a resident –
    And hard issues are tackled,
    The truth isn’t shackled…
    Though we’ve now set a grave sitting precedent.

  26. Patrice Stewart says:

    Junie Moon for President (Vote for My Cat)

    Oh, what a feline! I know
    Her brain’s bigger than Trump’s (hers might grow).
    Meow, (cat) food for all!
    Declared in her White Hall,
    Her choices far more apropos.

    She’d calmly move into the White House,
    Bat questions around like her plush mouse
    Then make a decision
    Not met with derision;
    Opponents, cold water would douse.

    As her aide, I’d be most understanding,
    Tossing balls, fabric mice on the landing.
    We cast out Autocratic,
    Now in charge, DemoCatic :)
    What we need: tough love, kind but demanding.

    Since a cat’d run this country much better,
    We assume he’s submitting his letter:
    Resign, Trump! Don’t whine,
    Junie Moon will be fine
    With VP Hillary: don’t forget her!

  27. I knew a man named “Stubby Joe”
    When asked for a date I always said “No”
    One day he was found
    Lying in the ground
    With a nasty inflexible cemented toe

  28. Lisi Nortman Ardissone says:

    Making dresses is what I know
    Mama taught me long ago
    In her eyes
    The clothes were a “prize”
    But others said, “They were just sew sew”

  29. When I first met Joe, he told me “No
    I will not remove my new chapeau”
    He had no hair
    I didn’t care
    He’s now my true love and bald-headed beau

  30. Ryan Tilley says:

    What is the Sound of One Hand Slapping?

    His depression had started to grow
    As the FLOTUS’ face wasn’t aglow.
    The Commander-In-Chief
    Had desired to debrief,
    But her answer was Hell to the No!

  31. Patrice Stewart says:

    Passed It On in Los Angeles

    A bully girl ruled at my grade school:
    Big, not too bright, loud, yet no fool.
    You could try to ignore her
    But most days she’d roar, her
    Feared minions near: they weren’t as cool

    As they thought, but no one could deny
    Irene B. had an e’er-questing eye
    For those who’d escape her,
    Or worse yet, dare caper
    On her stage! You’d stutter and lie

    If confronted. We had a great teacher
    In sixth grade, but he couldn’t reach her.
    When Irene raised that fist,
    Bellowed, yep, she was pissed!
    You’ll be missed, but could hope for a preacher.

    By junior high, her reign had ended,
    Too large a turf to be defended.
    High school: now I’m taller,
    Once saw her (looked smaller) –
    Old memories seemed to be mended.

    Years pass; one day I board a city bus.
    I’s insipid stooge Laura had seemed a wuss;
    Staring eyes and fixed smile
    Speared me all down that aisle
    (Entire ride, all the while…)
    Sometimes, we can’t spot evil in front of us.

  32. Mary mcgarvey says:

    Now some are really in the know.
    They line up their ducks in a row.
    They aim and then fire
    Off news on the wire.
    That’s how fake news hides the down low.

  33. Mary mcgarvey says:

    When she’s feeling very down low
    She says, “I hate being a ho!”
    When johns treat her right
    And she’s busy all night,
    She’ll admit it’s all about cash flow.

  34. Mary mcgarvey says:

    We kids watched movies in the back row.
    We went there for more than the show.
    We’d writhe and wiggle
    And smooch and giggle
    And hope no adult was there who would know.

  35. Patrice Stewart says:

    Health Over Wealth

    It’d be nice to be rolling in dough
    But would my behavior turn low?
    Start huge rows with close friends
    With no need for amends:
    Just buy new ones!…I truly don’t know.

    I like to think I’m a good person,
    Albeit friends live with my versin’.
    But through others’ eyes
    One can get a surprise,
    Which explains all our (infrequent) cursin’.

  36. Patrice Stewart says:

    Olympus: Trouble’s Brewing

    “Oh, Jupey, let’s put on a show!”
    She simpered. {Please, don’t Juno, no…}
    “That haughty thing, Venus,
    Will envy your penis:
    That’s if you can get it to grow.”

    He rolled his eyes. How’d he get stuck
    With such a wife? Of all the luck :(
    But in the fridge, Mars
    Bars lined up in jars
    Offered solace (each cost just a buck).

    Then came a knock at the front door:
    {I don’t think I can take any more.}
    Jupe: “Who’s out there skulkin’?”
    It’s me, your son, Vulcan.
    “Come in, dear, we both can ignore

    Your father. Lately, he’s so boring;
    Spreading gloom, that is, when he’s not roaring.”
    Flash: party, week later:
    All witnessed the pater
    Eye Venus then drop his head, snoring.

    Vulc took the stage, banged heavy metal;
    Mars clanged his spears, in finest fettle.
    Their mom grinned, clapped, fish-eyed
    Lovely V to her side.
    Jupe resettled, sighed, blew off a petal.

  37. Patrice Stewart says:

    Bully For Him: A Stretch :)

    Escapee! All night, he’d been cooped.
    Bud had a nice run and then pooped;
    Caught a sudden, good whiff –
    Felt himself growing stiff.
    Then the bitch ran away :( His tail drooped.

  38. Sharon Neeman says:

    We’ve all seen the new word in his flow —
    But pronounce it? Now, how would that go?
    “Kov-FEE-fee”? Too long!
    And “kov-FEEF” just sounds wrong…
    Inquiring minds want to know!

  39. Sharon Neeman says:


    It’s not that I mean to be rough —
    But you just haven’t walked me enough;
    So (step 1) I will crouch
    Near your head on the couch,
    Poke my nose in your ear, and go “WUFF!”

    Didn’t work? Fine! (Step 2) I will go
    Stand in front of the screen door, just so;
    Then I’ll burst through the screen
    Like a well-oiled machine —
    Coming with? I don’t think you’ll say “No!”

  40. Ted Hayes says:

    Oh, when will the other shoe drop?
    And all of this nonsense just stop?
    Oh, yes, when will we know
    Trump’s dog and pony show
    Has all been just a big crop?

  41. Ted Hayes says:

    Potus puts on a great show.
    Got all of his ducks in a row.
    When troubles arise,
    “It’s those other guys!
    Or could be Hillary, you know.”

  42. Tim James says:

    The creek in our woods couldn’t flow;
    It backed up, causing all kinds of woe.
    Why must beavers all strain
    To cause this kind of pain?
    The answer: I’m dammed if I know.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is something we all should know
    I thought I had an honest beau
    But he stole a “mil”;
    Had an exhilarating thrill
    Then they made him CEO

  44. Patrice Stewart says:

    Tormenting Their Keeper

    I tell my cats no – do they listen?
    The counter continues to glisten:
    Small drops. Should I worry?
    Wiped up in a hurry,
    Yet all litter pans have been pissed in.

    Hey mom, we have to go somewhere!
    We bypass your chair, and your hair
    In the midst of the night.
    We could give you a fright,
    But we don’t!…umm, check your underwear.

  45. Patrice Stewart says:

    Babysitter’s Joy, aka Zoo Boy

    He really could use a bath (No!)
    While the number of toys out would grow…
    Time for bed soon, young man!
    Waaah!! and downstairs he ran;
    My enthusiasm’s starting to show.

    His parents, out at the theatre,
    Thought dinner (late) after’d be great – er,
    Have you no heart, or pity?
    You’re free in the city,
    While I wrestle your small Al(ligator).

    [He’ll become a superb legislator.]

  46. Val Fish says:

    There is something you need to know
    I’ve found myself another beau
    The wedding is off
    I’m marrying a toff
    Better bred, with a lot more dough

  47. Dave Johnson says:

    Here’s something the world needs to know:
    Trump’s bluster is nothing but show.
    Each one of his bleats
    Comes from watching repeats
    Of Larry and Curly and Moe.

  48. Dave Johnson says:

    A traveling salesman named Bo
    Cruised the bar for an hour or so.
    With prospects so light,
    His companion that night
    Has an air valve and never says “No”.

  49. Tim James says:

    I know a young man named Jabez
    Who’s a bully and liar. He says
    All non-white people suck.
    He is such a huge schmuck
    That I fear that one day he’ll be Prez.

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    Earl figured he’d rough up a guy
    Who seemed rather quiet and shy.
    But testing an ace
    From the martial-arts place
    Left him blinking with one working eye.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:


    There is something wrongful that people should know
    I thought I had an honest beau
    But he stole a “mil”
    And felt a thrill
    Now he’s been promoted to CEO!!

  52. Neil Hood says:

    When golfing I dress like a pro
    I tee off and watch the ball go
    Too often it seems
    Others hear my screams
    Either ” fore” or “oh my God,no!”

  53. Patrice Stewart says:

    High-Wire Act? Piece of Cake

    Keeping up daily’s often exhausting.
    Tech’s our new god, but what is that costing?
    “They” all say what you know,
    Life’s uncertain – so go
    Take a break for some cake, extra frosting :)

  54. Neil Hood says:

    Reality is not always keen
    To be kind to the things that I dream
    Carnal knowledge I know
    With a “Yes”or a “No”
    Decide if it is creme de la creme

  55. Patrice Stewart says:


    Someday (don’t hold your breath) Prince will come
    Back! Confusing: these phrases sound dumb.
    Pie in eye ~ how’s that go?
    Poke in sky ~ pigs, nice! (no.)
    Westward Yo Ho, a bottle of rum.

    [Just rethought this: can you pass me some?]

  56. Neil Hood says:

    Asked my Doc “Why does my hair grow
    In places I’d rather not show?
    Out of my nose and ears
    ‘Stead of head these late years?”
    Said the Doctor “effed if I know”

  57. Patrice Stewart says:

    Outer-Space Case

    Tech’s our master, and each new disaster
    Tests our spirits; life moves ever faster.
    If we faced what we know,
    Into Space we might go
    Where Creation and Science merge, vaster :)

  58. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’ve been watching folks come out in force
    And repeat till they’re red-eyed and hoarse:
    “I had no way to know
    Just how low he could go!” —
    Epidemic of voter’s remorse.

  59. Patrice Stewart says:


    She eyed closet: old clothes I should purge.
    He eyed bosom: I’m right on the verge
    Of grabbing your you-know…
    Me too, baby, let’s go!
    Pair coupled, indulged urge to merge.

  60. Patrice Stewart says:

    Wall Street Can Be Sweet: Bull(y) Market

    We should merge while the market is surging…
    She eyed him up: I don’t need urging
    To take both your offers,
    Enriching our coffers
    And verging on purging by merging.

  61. Patrice Stewart says:

    8 Isn’t Late, So 9 Should Be Fine

    ‘Twas your habit to procrastinate.
    Why be early when you can be late?
    So you lost your job (No!)
    To an early-bird Joe.
    Ex-co-workers called it TardyGate.

  62. Mary mcgarvey says:

    The children cry, “Let it snow!
    No school, the whole day to blow!”
    So we slide down the hills.
    We’ve all made out our wills.
    Here in Frisco with snow–what dya know?

  63. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    I’m emphatic’ly telling him no
    That Cheetohead moron can blow
    Me from here to Covfefe
    The most hated jefe
    Has definitely got to go.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve just celebrated my big 8-0 !
    And there are many things I just don’t know
    Is it May or is it December?
    I really can’t seem to remember
    But I’m aware of what happened 5 minutes ago

  65. Patrice Stewart says:

    Mating? See, Son…

    He took one look – leered, Baby, let’s go
    Someplace you can show me what you know!
    She glanced up: Though you’re breathin’,
    You come off as a heathen
    Whose pick-up line’s hit a new low.

  66. Patrice Stewart says:

    Are DeFeet Sweet?

    They met by her car on the shoulder
    Of a road not too far outside Boulder.
    She was young, cute, but best,
    Her bare feet passed the test :)
    He smiled, “Service is free if you’re older

    Than you look: do you have far to go?”
    “Not tonight. I wear 8s; bet you know
    Of a good place to eat
    And a quiet retreat
    Where a girl can get more than a tow.”

    They both smiled, minds in perfect accord
    ‘Cause with fetishes, one’s rarely bored.
    Hours later, fed, sated
    (‘Nilla sex: overrated)
    Toetruck driver and Fair softly snored.

  67. Kirk Miller says:

    Genealogists happen to be
    Looking into a family tree.
    Gynecologists, though,
    As I think you should know,
    Look at family bush, don’t you see.

  68. Kirk Miller says:

    A masseuse (who hates women) named Joe
    Works real hard on massages, and so
    It should be no surprise
    When I say that this guy’s
    The misogynist person I know.

  69. Kirk Miller says:

    Accidentally I overheard
    ‘Bout some epithets I had incurred
    By some folks who I know.
    And I guess it is so
    Because Kirk is a four letter word.

  70. Kirk Miller says:

    Some sightseeing sites tour guides show
    In Paris, while out on the go:
    Eiffel Tower, a must,
    And the Louvre are just
    A Pair o’ sights Paris-ites know.

  71. Kirk Miller says:

    The question: “Where’s love in the arts?”
    The answer this lim’rick imparts.
    It is heart, don’t you know,
    As your feelings should show.
    It’s the middle five letters of “the arts.”

  72. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a Kansan, a gambler, a pro.
    To Las Vegas he’ll frequently go.
    He consistently wins,
    So he constantly grins.
    He’s the Wizard of Odds, don’t you know.

  73. Kirk Miller says:

    In the news, there were observations
    About bullies. The revelations
    Were not as predicted,
    Left experts conflicted
    Because thugs beat their expectations.

  74. Sharon Neeman says:

    Oh, the terrible things that he’s said!
    They could cost him his job — or his head!
    But the Times seems to know
    How to end this sad show:
    “Stop tweeting and go back to bed.”

    Stop Tweeting

  75. Patrice Stewart says:

    Multiple Me’s, Please

    If I’d known what I knew and still know,
    I just might have chosen to go
    Overseas, dance, take chances
    On careers and romances.
    But I have a great life, although

    At times I long for something foreign;
    To live to the hilt, nothing borin’!
    Then I think of my chair,
    Cats and books waiting there,
    All the memories I have been storin’.

    R. Frost REphrased: one’s life is a highway —
    Exit taken leaves unexplored byway
    And so many of those!
    Went where, did what I chose…
    Gratitude! that this life’s been lived MY way.

  76. Patrice Stewart says:

    Book My Flight, aka Will It Dawn On You?

    Stegosaurus flees T. Rex, stomp! prowling;
    Courtroom battle, judge, jury all scowling.
    I sit rapt in my chair
    Worlds away, ’cause I’m there:
    Zero temps, snow, far-off creatures howling.

    I’m so thankful that I love to read;
    Between pages is just what I need.
    This time, where shall I go?
    With an author I know?
    Hope’s eternal: be good, book, I plead!

    The vast lands of ImagiNation
    Require little substantiation.
    By page two, I’m engrossed
    (Feed cats; don’t burn the toast).
    Precious book, a most noble creation.

    There’s an alien out on the lawn!
    If you don’t look now, it will be gone.
    A new autobiography,
    Coffee-table photography…
    Six a.m. again?! Stifle a yawn :)

    (The husband stares: Haven’t you gone
    To bed yet? Snap: Look up, it’s Ron!
    I blink, feeling most put upon…
    That night, read and repeat: oops, it’s dawn.)

  77. David Reddekopp says:

    We, as bakers of bread, have agreed
    That the following phrase is our creed:
    It’s in needing to know
    What to do with our dough
    We would not without knowing to knead.

  78. Brian Allgar says:

    Times are tough for us butchers, you know;
    I beef because trade is so slow.
    But the man who sells beans
    Still has plenty of greens,
    And the baker is rolling in dough.

  79. Brian Allgar says:

    (another old one …)

    Said Dorothy Parker, “Ho, ho!
    It doesn’t surprise me to know
    That the girls at the Prom,
    With their usual aplomb,
    Have been laid end-to-end in a row.

  80. Dave Johnson says:

    Performing with symphony strings
    In discomfort an itch often brings,
    He scratched with his bow
    Thinking no one would know;
    But zippers are weird-sounding things.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Something every girl should know
    On a date be sexy and give him a “show”
    If you’re smart
    You’ll hold in your fart
    When you get home, just unwind and BLOW

  82. Chris Gross says:

    When old Noah brought creatures, in pairs,
    On the Ark; sent the rabbits upstairs.
    So that he’d always know
    That it’s still status quo;
    But I guess that’s just like splitting hares [sic]

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ll tell you why I now say “no”
    To my “ex” boyfriend Steven Joe
    He would pant and pant
    But then say “I can’t”
    He just didn’t have any get up and go

  84. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’ll tell you why I now say, “no”
    To my “ex” boyfriend Steven Joe
    He would pant and pant
    But then say, “I can’t”
    He just didn’t have get up and go

  85. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’ve just celebrated my BIG 9-0!!
    And there are certain things I just don’t know
    Is it May or is it December?
    I really can’t remember
    But I do know what happened 30 YEARS AGO!!

  86. Sue Dulley says:

    Raw hamburger’s scary, we know,
    But booze is bacteria’s foe
    So cook it right through
    On a grill or in stew
    And consume with a pint of merlot.

  87. Sue Dulley says:

    When mixing your flour into dough,
    That batter is poison, you know.
    I don’t lick the bowl, I
    Won’t risk that E. coli –
    Raw flour’s where those deadly germs grow.

  88. Sue Dulley says:

    Not about bullyING exactly, but…

    We’ve a ski run that’s called Woolly Bully;
    I haven’t explored it quite fully;
    I’m afraid if I fall
    Off the edge, then to haul
    Me back up would take rope and a pulley.

  89. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There are bullies in every school
    And each victim is played like a fool
    Beat the bullies’ big asses
    Till they release gases
    Before starting classes – new rule!

  90. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’re a mean thug, you know fully
    You deserve to be hung by a pulley
    Until you get edgy
    From getting a wedgie
    Then sit like a veggie, you bully!

  91. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Don’t propose where big crowds like to go
    Turn it into a big, bragging show
    You’re not using your head
    And you’ll wish you were dead
    If she shuns being wed, and says, “No!”

  92. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In the mountains, they drove through the snow
    Then got stuck even though they went slow
    As they strive to survive
    Even this four-wheel drive
    Won’t get them out alive, don’t you know?!

    “I’ve a plan!” he told her with a glow
    “Let’s make love till the embers burn slow!”
    So, in animal fashion
    They let loose their passion
    Till snow melted, splashing below.

    They made it back to the chateau
    Celebrated by drinking Bordeaux
    Then, when taking a shower,
    Rekindled the power
    What they did an hour ago!

  93. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Birth control’s underrated quite low
    So you want the curse (monthly) to flow
    How bad can your day be
    When asked, “Is a baby
    Soon coming?” “Nah, maybe, don’t know!”

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Two in One

    All bullies have secrets, you know
    Which they do their damn best not to show
    Insecurity reigns
    From their deep-seated pains
    Lacking love, lacking brains, lacking dough.

  95. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Two in One (again)

    There’s a bully, all orange aglow
    He just thinks he’s the star of the show
    He will soon lose his fame
    If he keeps up that game
    And I won’t say his name, ’cause you know!

  96. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Two in One (yet again, geez!)

    When a husband’s abusive, you’ll know
    He’s a schmuck, a schlemiel, and a schmoe
    With some help, you’ll achieve
    A great plan up your sleeve
    When he’s out, pack and leave, girl, just go!

  97. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 279.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Bully-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wave.