Well-Endowed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a look at the titty
Of the well-endowed, lovely Miss Kitty
And imagined his life
With that gal as his wife
In his harem at Casa de Mitty.
(With apologies to James Thurber)
Archive for October, 2012
Halloween Haiku (2012)
Wednesday, October 31st, 2012Though schools remain closed,
trick-or-treat stash is untouched:
Halloween Sandy.
*****
Hurricane Sandy
sure outpaces Halloween
in sheer spookiness.
Nutty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 28th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was rather a nut…*
or
A gal who was rather a nut…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Nutty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was rather a nut
Held a broad definition of smut:
With standards unbending,
He’d freak when attending
A film, often shouting out “Cut!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (85)
Sunday, October 28th, 2012It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes.
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats,
And the parts in between simply froze.
Congratulations to Colleen Murphy, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The nudists would frequently pose
In group shots without any clothes.
But the photos they’d crop,
Leave the waist to the top
To hide any parts that arose.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Craig Dykstra, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Reinhard, Jazzbumpa, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Craig Dykstra:
So this model is striking a pose.
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Scott Crowder:
A fellow would frequently pose,
For wifey, without any clothes.
And to make him look hung,
As when he was young,
She’d zoom in as far as it goes.
Phyllis Reinhard:
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question — what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
JazzBumpa:
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A Limerick For National Chocolate Day
Saturday, October 27th, 2012Tomorrow, October 28th, is National Chocolate Day. (Okay, every day is chocolate day in my house. But still…)
A Limerick for National Chocolate Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, no! Did I make a mistake
While baking that chocolate cake?
An ingredient doubled?
Or tripled? I’m troubled!
I should have bought something from Drake.*
* Drake’s a baking company, now a subsidary of Hostess.
UPDATE: If you need a further excuse, I’ve just learned that December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day.
Limerick Passion
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012Poetry Jaam prompts us to write about love or passion. I almost took a pass on this prompt, because I don’t like writing (or reading) mushy stuff. (Hubby Mark is our household’s designated mush-meister.) But instead of skipping it altogether, I came up with this:
Limerick Passion
By Madeleine Begun Kane
About lim’ricks, I truly have passion,
And I guess that is love, in a fashion.
Cuz to me, rhyme’s like breathing—
Without it, I’m seething.
Have compassion — don’t ask me to ration.
Cat Limericks by Denise Dresner
Wednesday, October 24th, 2012Congratulations to Denise Dresner on the publication of her limerick book, Cat Limericks. Here are some sample limericks from her book:
A fabulous feline called Cleo
Loved Carnival time down in Rio.
She’d join the parade
Dressed in full masquerade
And dance through the streets with great brio!
*****
There once was a cat from Menorca
Whose favorite poet was Lorca;
She’d lie on the beach
Her books within reach
And amaze the occasional gawker!
*****
Limerick Pose (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 21st, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman would frequently pose…*
or
A fellow would frequently pose…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pose
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A critic would frequently pose
A challenge to musical shows:
With his venom so vast,
Closing night would come fast.
His view: Not just anything goes.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (84)
Sunday, October 21st, 2012It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was very refined
Served Chianti to guests as they dined.
“If our friendship gets strained,”
Mr. Lector explained,
“You may give me a piece of your mind.”
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The duchess was not so refined
As to say that she’d terribly mind
If her manservant came
In the front door—no shame—
While the duke himself entered behind.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Bob Dvorak, Craig Dykstra, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, and Patience (of Patience and the Prodigal.) Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A guy who was not too refined
Took a friend out to hunt and unwind.
He took aim at a deer,
Capped his friend in the rear.
(He shot the wrong version of hind.)
Bob Dvorak:
A gal who was very refined
Took her pal up the hill, where she pined,
“I’ve no notions of guilt;
Do with me what thou wilt.
From this angle I’m highly inclined.”
Craig Dykstra:
A teacher was not too refined
And had quite a lascivious mind.
He used to be trusted
But finally got busted
For feeling a little behind.
Chris Doyle:
A woman who’s very refined
Is inclined to be less so when wined.
With sufficient Chablis,
She might even agree
To a Gypsy Rose Lee bump and grind.
Colleen Murphy:
A woman, both rich and refined,
Toward those with less fortune was blind.
But Karma made sure
In time she’d grow poor,
So others could pay her no mind.
Patience: (of Patience and the Prodigal)
A gal who was very refined
Refused to break wind when she dined.
The gas overloaded,
And then she exploded.
Her manners were all they could find!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Time Flies (Limerick)
Saturday, October 20th, 2012Dverse Poets asks us to write a poem about the passage of time. Here’s mine.
Time Flies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.
Mucked Up Music (Limerick)
Monday, October 15th, 2012I swear that this limerick is based on an actual news item: Artist makes music with bird droppings in Liverpool.
Mucked Up Music (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Just what is a person to do
When creative ideas are few?
If your muse flew the coop,
Here’s an int’resting scoop:
Compose music by using bird poo.
Refined Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 14th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was very refined…*
or
A man who was very refined…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Refined Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was very refined
Found herself in a terrible bind.
She’d been tied up in knots
By two trumpeting Scots.
Her muted response: “Do you mind?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (83)
Sunday, October 14th, 2012It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal was involved in a feud
With a horsey guy, one who had wooed
Her to be his new bride.
She had snorted, replied
“I would rather be bridled and shoed!”
Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
An actress was ready to feud.
Her play had been badly reviewed.
So she added a song.
It was detailed and long,
Giving names of the critics she’d screwed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jamie Hutchinson, Don Fitzpatrick, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jamie Hutchinson:
Two neighbors fell into a feud
When up came a bubblin’ crude
On the property line.
“It’s all mine!”—”No, it’s mine!”
Ask Iraq and Kuwait what ensued.
Don Fitzpatrick:
A man was involved in a feud
With his neighbours who said he was lewd
For displaying they say
A hard-on each day,
Whilst parading around in the nude.
Johanna Richmond:
Mitt Romney’s concerned that our feud
With Russia’s been far too subdued.
(When lost in the thicket,
Nostalgia’s the ticket.)
The cold war is history, dude!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Yet Another Excuse To Eat Chocolate (Limerick)
Thursday, October 11th, 2012Just what we all need — yet another reason to eat chocolate!
Eat chocolate, win a Nobel Prize?
It may sound far-fetched, but a new study suggests it might not be bad advice.
The results show countries that eat the most chocolate also have the highest number of Nobel laureates per capita.
Yet Another Excuse To Eat Chocolate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you want yet another excuse
To engage in some chocolate abuse,
It seems eating those sweets
Will create smart elites
And can Nobel Prize winners produce.
UPDATE: If you need a further excuse, I’ve just learned that December 16th is Chocolate Covered Anything Day.
Limerick Feud (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, October 6th, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was involved in a feud…*
or
A gal was involved in a feud…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Feud
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A shrink was involved in a feud
With his neighbors, and ended up sued.
On his problem he dwelled,
As lawyers withheld
Any aid, saying “Not in the mood!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (82)
Saturday, October 6th, 2012It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Carolyn Henly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A waitress trés prone to dismay
Had a beautiful tray to display.
But she tripped on a peel,
Went head over heel,
And ended up wholly distrait.
Congratulations to Jesse Levy who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow expressed his dismay
At having to work every day.
His doctor said stress
Would harm him much less
If he sat back and lit up a jay.
Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Daniel Ari, RJ Clarken, Johanna Richmond, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Marty McCullen, John Sardo, and Bruce Niedt. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Daniel Ari:
A fellow displayed his dismay:
“I came all this way to the Bay.
But I can’t understand
The lay of the land
That they said was the land of the lay.”
RJ Clarken:
A clergyman showed his dismay
At his obvious naiveté
Since a ‘lady’ he met
Conned him. Now deep in debt,
He’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.
Johanna Richmond:
Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
“I don’t want to be snipped!”
“That’s OK,” hubby quipped.
“When I need you I’ll take the back way.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman displayed her dismay.
Her hotel john had just a bidet!
Trepidatious at first,
Though she thought she might burst,
She tried it and stayed there all day!
Marty McCullen:
A fellow displayed his dismay
At why all his hair had turned gray.
He wasn’t that old,
Or so he was told,
But hair seems to have the last say.
John Sardo:
A fellow betrayed his dismay
At his wife who would quickly display
Her elegant charms
In friends’ eager arms:
He said, “Honey, at least make them pay.”
Bruce Niedt:
Young Hester displayed her dismay
That her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
“They think that I’m sultry.
Inured in adult’ry –
It’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’.”
And congratulations to Johanna Richmond and Craig Dykstra who jointly win this special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow displays his dismay
With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
A woman, however,
Is likely to sever
Your schnitzel and let you decay.
Craig Dykstra:
As a guy, I express my dismay
At the lim’rick I read here today.
Though YOU think it’s clever
That schnitzel you sever
Is an image that won’t go away!
Johanna Richmond:
I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
It was meant in a figur’tive way:
If it festers, why dance?
Just go straight for the lance —
There’s no need for a verbal ballet.But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
Please forget what I said;
Insert this jab instead:
“A swift kick to your cocky caboose.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Dining Out (Limerick)
Saturday, October 6th, 2012Claudia over at DVerse prompts us to write food-related poetry.
Dining Out (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are rest’rants that set a good mood
And are great at adjusting your tude.
They’ll charm and beguile
With a great sense of style.
Now if only they served decent food.
Happy World Animal Day (3 Endangered Animal Limericks)
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012In Honor Of World Animal Day, celebrated annually on October 4th, here are three endangered species limericks: Limerick Odes to the Tasmanian Forester Roo, the Hippopotamus, and the African Wild Ass. (I previously posted my Rhino limerick, which is included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World.)
Limerick Ode To The Tasmanian Forester Roo
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Tasmanian Forester Roo
Is endangered. So here’s what to do:
Sign petitions. Give cash.
Host a fund-raising bash,
Else its time on this earth will be through.
Limerick Ode To The Hippopotamus
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When I look at a hippo I wonder:
What’s the size of its herbivore plunder?
At three point five tons,
It clearly outguns
Any crops as it tears them asunder.
Limerick Ode To The African Wild Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The African Wild Ass, alas,
Is at risk. It may soon come to pass
That the last one dies out.
It’s endangered, no doubt.
This horse-cousin may vanish en masse.
UPDATE: February 15 is Hippo Day and Endangered Species Day falls on the third Friday of May.
