Nutty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was rather a nut…*


A gal who was rather a nut…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Nutty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was rather a nut
Held a broad definition of smut:
With standards unbending,
He’d freak when attending
A film, often shouting out “Cut!”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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75 Responses to “Nutty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Would eat like a monstrous glut
    She removed all her rings
    Now’s the fat lady who sings
    At La Scalla and shows off her strut.

  2. John Sardo says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Lost his head when he missed a short putt
    He grabbed a nine iron
    And I swear I’m not lyin’
    He whacked the fat lady square in the butt.

  3. Mark Kane says:

    Steve Martin was rather a nut.
    In my mind I can still see him strut.
    As he danced by the Nile,
    The gals loved his style.
    We lined up to see him, King Tut.

  4. kaykuala says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Styled himself rich and smart
    Could see through him
    His silly antics wore thin
    Valiantly pretended he was no dud


  5. Hansi says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Often found himself in a rut
    As much as he tried
    His actions belied
    And came around and kicked him in the ass

  6. Veralynne says:

    A guy who was known as a nut
    Was always on a high-fat food glut.
    As wide as he was tall,
    No indentation at all;
    But in his Sumo-ish way, did he strut!

  7. Veralynne says:

    A gal many thought was a nut
    Spent every day in her small hut.
    She rarely went anywhere,
    Not even out for fresh air.
    To expressed concerns she’d simply, “Tut-tut.”

  8. Mark Kane says:

    As she danced she did feel, “What a Nut”?
    But with grinding it did start to jut,
    Growing hard from attention.
    Did I happen to mention?
    She’s a talented lapdancing slut.

  9. Veralynne says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Wanted only to marry a slut.
    “Of all the women I know
    They’re the ones who make me grow.
    Why would I want a wife in a rut?”

  10. JulesPaige says:

    A man who had only one nut
    Was by no means set in a rut
    He had several wives
    Tons a kids buzzed his ‘hives’
    Runnin’ after ‘em kept firm his butt!

  11. Claudia says:

    a man who was rather a nut
    couldn’t sit still on his butt
    he was roaming around
    until he found
    a space ship that brought him to sat..(urn) ha

  12. Craig says:

    My girlfriend is kind of a nut
    And when drinking, becomes quite the slut.
    She will do me outdoors,
    Or do four-on-the-floors,
    I can do almost anything butt.

  13. Pat Hatt says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Tried to sniff his own butt
    He found it trendy
    But wasn’t very bendy
    So he settled for the mutt

  14. scott says:

    A gal who was rather a nut,
    could pull me right out of that rut,
    I fall in sometimes,
    yes, Madeleine’s rhymes,
    sure give me a kick in the butt.

  15. scott says:

    A guy who was rather a nut,
    referred to the girl as a slut.
    A like thinking man,
    said rape is God’s plan.
    Next Tuesday we all can rebut.

  16. Kathleen Cole says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Met a guy known as a mutt
    The First Kiss?
    Absolute bliss!
    Wishful ho meets inner slut!

  17. A gal who was rather a nut
    Was obsessed by the size of her butt
    She said, “You’ll go blind
    “If you touch my behind!
    “Have you got a death wish, or what?”

  18. Green Speck says:

    A man who was rather a nut,
    Cried aloud with a minor cut,
    The Doctor came,
    Found the injury lame.
    Disgusted, he roared, “Keep your mouth shut.”

  19. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    All you riddlers, now here’s a tough nut:
    The average is one of them, but
    The average is two
    And none of them, too.
    If you crack it, well, I don’t know what.

  20. Bob Dvorak says:

    A gal, who was rather a nut
    For Tarzan, liked his fondness for butt.
    Until she said, “Maybe
    We might have a baby?”
    “Ummm, Jane, you’re an ignorant slut!”

  21. Craig says:

    Mad Kane is a bit of a nut:
    She has said when her power gets cut
    (‘Cause the storm is too vi’lent)
    ‘Twill make her fall silent –
    I expect she’ll be anything but!

  22. Bruce Niedt says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    applied for a spokesman job, but
    with a monocle, spats,
    and the best of top hats,
    Mr. Peanut would sure make the cut.

  23. Bruce Niedt says:

    A golfer who’s rather a nut
    Thinks he CAN make the PGA cut.
    He believes he’s Jack Nicklaus,
    but that’s just ridic’lous,
    ‘cos all he can play is “putt-putt”!

  24. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A surgeon considered a nut
    Took a scalpel and started to cut.
    The patient, a bass:
    “Get me out of this place!
    Does the doc prefer tenors, or what?”

  25. A fellow with only one nut
    Made movies (plain wrapped and uncut).
    The reason he succeeded
    While spherically impeded
    Was he had the most beautiful butt.

  26. brian miller says:

    a man who was rather a nut
    one day, took one in the gut
    some say, he deserved
    what he got served
    plenty wished they had kicked his butt

  27. Tim James says:

    A fellow was really a nut:
    His English rules brooked no rebut.
    “Prepositions can’t end
    Any sentence, my friend!”
    It’s my view that up he should shut.

  28. Mike Dailey says:

    A fellow was really a nut
    Each time that he heard the word “what”
    With his hands in the air
    He’d loudly declare
    With a shrug of his shoulders “what – what”

  29. Carolyn Henly says:

    In homage to Tim James:

    A golfer was truly a nut:
    His shot from the green wildly cut.
    Up a tree went the putter;
    These words he did mutter:
    “Up with that thing I surely can’t putt!”

  30. colonialist says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Was caught pecan at Hazel’s butt;
    “Cashew doing that more,
    Chest you know wall the score –
    Dis-almond, your pea-pea we’ll cut!”

  31. Trapped again! What a wicked website you weave, Mad Kane! I had planned to avoid losing anymore brain cells trying to write a limerick. But once I got the image of paisley berries* (which has absolutely nothing to do with your limerick challenge), I couldn’t help myself.

    A gal who rather a nut
    Was caught in a terrible rut
    She saw elves and fairies
    Consume paisley berries
    But only when her eyes were shut.

    * This sort of follows from Father Tim who makes the sun rise each day in “Waiting for the Electrician or Someone Like Him.” Everyone gathers to see what color it will be. Father Tim says, “Paisley… Again!”

  32. A man who was rather a nut,
    Was worried so much ’bout his gut,
    He learned to do zumba,
    Met a gal and did rumba,
    Then, his wife kicked his butt with the slut

  33. Chris Papa says:

    A guy who was rather a nut,
    In ladies’ attire would strut,
    It would his wife irk,
    She deflowered the jerk,
    Oft said to be unkindest cut.

  34. P. says:

    A guy who was rather a nut
    had a slyly bi-curious mutt
    he’d sniff at a cunt
    then move from the front
    and nozzle the nearest man’s butt.

    MadKane, if this is a winner, don’t publish my webpage.

  35. Daniel Ari says:

    A guy who was rather a nut
    let his jeans ride far under his butt.
    He would answer each glance
    at his red underpants
    with “What are you lookin’ at? What?”

  36. Daniel Ari says:

    A bloke who was rather a nutter
    purchased twelve whopping jars of nut butter.
    He answer odd stares
    with superior airs
    saying, “Get your mind out of my gutter.”

  37. Daniel Ari says:

    A guy who was rather a nutter
    couldn’t speak without many a splutter.
    Insulted or goaded,
    he always exploded:
    “D- d- d- did I st- stutter?

  38. Ira Bloom says:

    A man who was rather a nut,
    Tried to marry a dead halibut.
    When asked “Is she koi?”
    He replied “Oy-oy-oy!
    And a bit hard of herring. So what?

  39. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    would always have a big glut
    of pretty young girls
    in pigtails and curls
    I guess you could say he’s a slut.

  40. Mark Megson says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Used to bounce everywhere on his butt
    (An inflated derrière
    Filled with helium not air)
    And flew when gas escaped from his gut

  41. Jesse Levy says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    liked a jaw that would stick out or jut
    She saw lots of men, oh,
    then married Jay Leno
    and now at night they abut.

  42. patience and the prodigal says:


    A gal who was rather a nut
    kept an acorn concealed up her butt,
    Red squirrll did explore
    to augment his own store,
    From now on she’ll keep her butt shut.


    A guy who was rather a nut
    Got a dose from a slut in a hut,
    John Thomas and Willie
    Flared up like a chilli,
    His once open prospects; now shut!

  43. patience and the prodigal says:

    A Santa who was rather a nut
    Consumed oodles of ashes and soot,
    His beard was jet black
    And so was his sack,
    Imagine the state of his gut!

    (Almost seasonal afterthought, Maddie.) cheers.

  44. patience and the prodigal says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Gave Mad Maddie a false uppercut,
    The story gets sadder,
    She found out who was madder,
    Now she’s wearing a sling round her butt!

  45. Johanna Richmond says:

    A gal who was rather a nut,
    Gave her meter permission to strut,
    But lost count of the times
    She admonished her rhymes
    To stop begging to couple with slut.

  46. Jesse Levy says:

    I’m changing the last line of my last one. It helps the meter.

    A gal who was rather a nut
    liked a jaw that would stick out or jut
    She saw lots of men, oh,
    then married Jay Leno
    and now every night they abut.

  47. Granny Smith says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Stole clothes in which she liked to strut.
    To cops she’s now sobbing,
    “I knew I was robbing
    But stores that I like were all shut!”

  48. brian miller says:

    a man who was rather a nut
    grew and enormous gut
    dunlapped his belt
    o’er his lap it spilt
    into a frontsided butt

  49. Soraya says:

    A man who was rather a nut,
    Thought all rape victims are sluts;
    And their babies, God’s will –
    He didn’t like ‘the pill’,
    Till his daughter came home in a rut.

  50. Mark Kane says:

    Al Gore, who’s that climate change nut,
    Says snow caps are melting. Say What?
    But with each storm more dire,
    And waves cresting higher,
    Still Romney attempts to rebut.

  51. hedgewitch says:

    Always fun to stop here on the journey, Mad. Thanks for the comic relief.

  52. Aya Wilson says:

    A man who loves nuts
    keeping thinking of electricity in whyatts,
    he bumps into a wall
    and still carries a smile at all,
    then, he begins to crack some roasted peanuts.

  53. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    Tried to,open a door that was shut.
    He bashed and he butted
    Until he was gutted
    And his fists were all battered and cut.

  54. Granny Smith says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Had poodles whose hair she would cut.
    “When the vodkas fly by
    And I’ve hangovers, I
    Eat ‘hair of the dog’ to rebut.”

  55. Johanna Richmond says:

    Chaucer’s Absolon, lusty ol’ nut…
    Could the poor man have worse luck or what?
    On a dark moonless night
    (Well, moonless not quite!)
    He became the first joke of a butt.

  56. Charley Simmons says:


  57. Charley Simmons says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    lived by the sea in a hut.
    He ate seaweed and fish
    stirred with clams in a dish
    and he smelled like a wet stinky mutt.

  58. A man who is rather a nut
    Thinks he’s a gray squirrel – but
    While he lives in a tree
    It’s easy to see
    His hairy but tailless butt.

  59. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old poof who was rather a nut
    And lived in a mud and straw hut
    Wore a flower on each ear
    Tattooed in red on his butt.

  60. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Whilst complaining–a Scrotum’s left nut
    Sick of hanging beneath a fat gut
    Said, “What’s also a bind,
    is that stink from behind
    which comes from that great smelly butt”.

  61. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A gal who was rather a nut
    Wrote Limericks choc full of smut
    Not one bit ashamed
    So you could’nt be blamed
    For thinking she maybe a slut.

  62. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A guy who was rather a nut
    Said one day to a slut
    We can both watch the “Telly”
    If you lay on your belly
    And let me get into your butt.

  63. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old harlot rather a nut
    Was really a kinky old slut
    Her favourite meal break
    Was a fat trouser snake
    Which she called her “Penis-Englut”

  64. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A man who is rather a nut
    Went and swallowed a pint of rotgut
    This stomach intrusion
    Created a fusion
    Causing flames to exit his butt.

  65. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A hooker who’s rather a nut
    Was giving some head like a slut
    “Tastes like rice”, she did cry
    Then came the reply
    “Well it’s been up a Chinaman’s butt”.

  66. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A nympho who’s rather a nut
    Has an itch in the slit next her butt
    Each day a new mount
    Until now we’ve lost count
    Of the guys who’ve been riding the slut.

  67. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An Aussie whose rather a nut
    Found a red ring on his gut
    Scared of disease he prayed on his knees
    But God said, “That’s lipstick you mutt”.

  68. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A well endowed lad a real nut
    Grew on his prick a walnut
    The fruit it did bear
    Got lost in the hair
    That surrounded his balls and his butt.

  69. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    One day feeling glum an old nut
    Used advice that he got from a slut
    Who had said, “Now don’t linger,
    insert your long finger,
    all the way into your butt”.

  70. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    When young Fitz really was nuts
    And obsessed with what hung from his guts
    But now sad to say
    Old age had it’s way
    And all that he’s got is numb nuts

  71. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was rather a nut
    From a televised campaign ad glut,
    When a cyclone was able
    To cut off his cable,
    Recovered his senses, somewhat.

  72. Dr. Goose says:

    A man was a little bit nutty
    For a woman a little bit slutty,
    And it always would vex him
    That, ‘fore she would sex him,
    She wanted to phone up a buddy.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    A man was a bit of a nutter
    For the flavor of genuine butter.
    Though the board disallows
    That the condo keeps cows,
    His devotion to dairy is udder.

  74. Dr. Goose says:

    A man was a little bit nutso
    From looking at Internet smut so.
    “For Christmas,” said he,
    “I’d like surfing hands-free.”
    “A ha,” said his mother, “I thut so.”

  75. madkane says:

    Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winners and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 86.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Quotable Limerick.