Quotable Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow would frequently quote…*


A woman would frequently quote…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Quotable Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow would frequently quote
Homer’s Odyssey, lines learned by rote.
His aim was to show
He’s a man in the know.
But alas, he seemed just off the boat.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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76 Responses to “Quotable Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Craig says:

    I’ll start by setting the bar nice and low:

    “ ‘Twas a TNT dildo,” they quote
    “She was using to practice ‘deep throat’
    They found her vagina
    In South Carolina
    And her tits just outside Terre Haute.”

  2. Steve Whitred says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Phillip Marlowe and PIs of note
    But we all lost a dare
    When he started to wear
    A gun a hat and a trench coat

  3. kaykuala says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    That he had but missed the boat
    He always held back
    Courage he lacked
    But he was happy over it to gloat


  4. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Sweet prose as he slipped off her coat,
    And blouse and then skirt,
    This relentless wry flirt,
    While promoting his raging wild oat.

  5. Hoot Gibson says:


  6. Chris Papa says:

    A fellow would frequently quote,
    The whole Kama Sutra by rote,
    And would put it in play,
    With the gals who would say,
    He’d skills of a real billy goat.

  7. John Sardo says:

    A woman would frequently quote
    From a book D. H. Lawrence wrote
    Her language was salty
    But not at all faulty
    To her, guys had time to devote.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    From the Bard and openly gloat
    I know more than you
    But no need to stew
    For my troubles I get just a sore throat.

  9. Craig says:

    Downtown there’s a guy who would quote
    From the bible – he’d preach and emote.
    He’d still be there today
    But they took him away
    Since he had on no pants ‘neath his coat.

  10. scott says:

    A fellow would frequently quote,
    A line he remembered by rote,
    To the girls he would quip,
    “I’ll go down with the ship,
    or at least with the man in the boat.”

  11. Kathleen Cole says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Philosophy he’d learned by rote
    Though ever sage
    He got to old age
    And scrambled his daily bon mot

  12. Daniel Ari says:

    A farmer would frequently quote
    Romantic Age poets of note.
    He’d whisper sweet verses
    In ears large as purses
    Whenever seducing his shoat.

  13. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    That movie about a sinking boat
    After each cry
    I hoped he’d really die
    Then I chopped of his head at the throat

  14. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman would frequently quote
    her lawyer, a gal of some note.
    “Remember now, Fred
    This is what Allred said.”
    As in court they both went for his throat.

  15. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    a bird with a shiny black coat
    After tapping the door
    he would say, “Nevermore”
    Twas the best poem Poe ever wrote.

  16. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Casanova who once did note,
    “It’s such a big hassle
    to get near her ‘castle’
    ’cause its scent is quite like the moat.”

  17. JulesPaige says:

    A King he would frequently quote
    there’s no need at all for a vote
    I’ll have any cake
    The one that you’ll bake
    Or your tail’ll end up in the moat

  18. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    a joke he claims that he wrote.
    When “with child” he spies
    a girl, he decries,
    “I see you’re on The Love Bloat!”

  19. Mark Kane says:

    A priest who would frequently quote
    From the bible of gays who were smote
    For daring to marry!
    Then tarried with Larry,
    At home in his frilly pink coat.

  20. Johanna Richmond says:

    A republican struggled to quote
    “The lord,” in defense of his vote:
    “I heard, ‘Thou shan’t vote black!’
    While I lay in the sack.
    Must be God, cuz it wasn’t my goat.”

  21. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently quote,
    “Hey Honey, where’s the remote?”
    Well, she lost her mind
    snuck up from behind
    and inserted it up to his throat.

  22. Steve Whitred says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    From the bible though not as it’s wrote
    He’d tamper with verses
    His flock to coerce is
    There any chance he will be smote?

  23. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old geezer would frequently quote
    “For old age there is no antidote,
    When you’ve lost all your hair
    You’ll know you are there
    When repeating the same anecdote.”

  24. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Certain poets of classical note.
    Until Coleridge’s bird
    Came to roost; in a word,
    He dispatched it. Now where’s his damn boat?

  25. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman would frequently quote
    Lines, quite glibly, of dubious note.
    One fine day, at the range,
    She smelled smoke. “Now that’s strange.”
    She yelled “FI-YER!” And that’s all she wrote.

  26. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A philosopher would frequently quote
    This wise old adage he wrote
    “Speak of all others,
    as you would of your Mothers
    for the good in us all is remote.”

  27. Green Speck says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    His adventures in the big yellow boat.
    And then came the truth
    The story of his youth;
    Being sea sick he never set afloat.

  28. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old Painter would frequently quote
    His thoughts – then add a footnote
    “If you’ve got a smart lip
    on your shoulder a chip,
    there’s bound to be wood in your topcoat.”

  29. Tim James says:

    On the TV the pollsters all quote
    Statistics regarding the vote.
    It’s not that I’d rather
    Give heed to their blather;
    It’s just I can’t find the remote.

  30. Claudia says:

    a fellow would frequently quote
    it’s time that you go now and vote
    for the right guy of course
    otherwise it gets worse
    and we need for the next years a warm coat

  31. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    on the stump (but he’d hit the wrong note).
    His name was Mitt
    and so full of shit.
    It’s tomorrow so please go and vote!

    (written on Monday, Nov 5, 2012)

  32. Johanna Richmond says:

    Review of Last Tango in Paris

    Rebranding a catholic school quote
    Paul butters up women of note,
    Watch his taut catechisms
    Fill voids, explore schisms
    If reared-by-nuns fun floats your boat.

  33. Craig says:

    Two head-giving sisters would, quote:
    “Do every last crewman,” then vote
    On which was the best
    But the ship got distressed,
    It’s presumed they went down with the boat.

  34. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old seaman would frequently quote
    From his stories of life whilst afloat
    When he filled his arse
    With sharp broken glass
    Circumcising the crew of the boat.

  35. Carolyn Henly says:

    A young actress aspired to quote
    Ms. Macbeth whom Will Shakespeare once wrote.
    She learned it by heart
    But lost out on the part:
    She commanded the damn’d spot “Oat oat!”

  36. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A gay Captain would frequently quote
    The 10 new commands he’d wrote
    Concerning the crew
    And who’d be up who
    When the barrel was used on his boat

  37. Craig says:

    It’s a [quote] “free election” [unquote]
    Although many a check has been wrote.
    But campaigning is through
    Now it’s all up to you,
    So you damn better get out and vote!

  38. Johanna Richmond says:

    Tweaked version of previous

    Review of Last Tango in Paris

    Rebranding a catholic school quote
    While butt’ring up women of note,
    Paul’s taut catechisms
    Fill voids, explore schisms
    If reared-by-nun fun floats your boat.

  39. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    From this old Aussie a quote
    Re the Romney Limerick I wrote
    If I was a Yank
    I’d ignore the rich Wank
    And be giving Obama my vote.

  40. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A wise man would frequently quote
    These words from an old anecdote
    “If your using your charm,
    and the waters are calm,
    be careful you do’nt rock the boat.”

  41. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A critic imputed a quote
    To a bestselling author of note,
    Who dissented, “You rat,
    “I ain’t NEVER said that—
    The whole blasted thang was ghostwrote!”

  42. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Wrote the great Edward Lear,” said Miss Quote,
    “ ‘A pussycat married a boat
    To a beautiful pea
    By the light of the sea
    While an owl read a runcible note.’ ”

  43. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    Boring poetry that he had wrote
    His wife wouldn’t stay
    And his dog ran away
    Now he only quotes poets of note

  44. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young copper would frequently quote
    Of his fight against crime, and he’d gloat
    About his cunning stunts
    And of stunning the cunts
    Whom he’d chased with his night stick and smote

  45. A possum would frequently quote
    His favorite articulate stoat.
    But the dramatist mink
    And the pundit skink
    Favored maxims of the white mountain goat.

  46. Verdon.

    A great chef who would frequently quote
    What Carême and Escoffier wrote,
    Last year joined his forebears
    In that ‘Kitchen’ upstairs
    Where the Cuisine could not be more ‘Haute’!

  47. Johanna Richmond says:

    It’s hard not to sound off and quote
    All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
    Or to shout,”You unsightly
    Extremist nuts, bite me!”
    But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.

  48. Carolyn Henly says:

    Mittens would desperately quote
    Whatever might get him a vote.
    He was sure he would win
    But took one on the chin;
    Excuse me I must go and gloat.

  49. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Bully Beef Wisdom 5.11.12

    my mother would frequently quote:
    A bully is like a coyote
    Ignore them my dear
    They have only fear
    Take that away and they moult

    My sister would frequently quote:
    Sticks and stones won’t fill your moat
    To bully’s don’t cower
    It removes all their power
    It yanks out the stop from their boat.

  50. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old hooker would frequently quote
    Of the days she practised deep throat
    When faced with a prong
    About 12 inches long
    Which the Sea Captain called his compote

  51. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    To Mad Kane and the Crew, Fitz’s quote
    Congrats to all those who did vote
    For Obama to stay
    And it made my whole day
    Seeing Romney (The Mouth) miss the boat.

  52. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    An atheist needed a quote
    For her lovemaking joy to connote
    “Oh God” didn’t work
    ‘Twas a term she did shirk
    but ‘Oh Science’ felt far too remote

  53. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    From cards that he kept in his coat
    Appearing smart until summer
    When all the warm weather
    Made him sweat and smudge all his notes

  54. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Butcher was doing a quote
    On new sausage he hoped to promote
    Consisting of fig,
    The arsole of pig,
    And the balls of an old billy goat

  55. Craig says:

    René’s gone ‘upstairs’ (as I quote
    What David McCormick done wrote
    In his limerick verse)
    But it coulda been worse:
    He could be ‘downstairs’ where it’s ‘haute’

  56. Granny Smith says:

    As his creditors clamored, he spoke
    (For a fee) as “art critic” to folk
    Who had thought it a fact
    That he’d go for abstract
    But he countered, “I go for Baroque.”

  57. Joseph Harris says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    “Democracy needs you to vote.”
    This soldier I fear
    Paid a price dear.
    North Korea does not this promote.

  58. Tim James says:

    A woman would frequently quote
    Famed actors from movies of note.
    She’d gurgle and splutter;
    No words would she utter.
    (That’s Lovelace’s part from “Deep Throat.”)

  59. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Old Fred sought advice, – and I quote,
    From his doctor, and these words he wrote:
    “Got a stiff neck agin’
    so what should I do,when
    Viagra gets stuck in my throat.?”

  60. patience and the prodigal says:

    from Patience;

    A fellow would frequently quote
    these lines from his favourite poet,
    “we’re all in the gutter
    Some stammer, some stutter”
    Still, more of us Democrats vote.

    and the Prodigal:

    Awoman would frequently quote
    Her fondness for feeling kid goat,
    “The hair is so silky,
    The udder so milky,
    And the horn is ready to float”.

  61. Veralynne says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    His dad’s story about their old goat
    Whose habit it was
    To go looking for fuzz
    Wherever he could and then gloat.

    The kid was really amazin’
    Whenever he knocked off from his grazin’.
    Slipping into the house,
    Oddly, quiet as a mouse,
    Pokin’ mama when elsewhere she was gazin’!

    She’d scream like an engine gunnin’
    And Pop would come on a-runnin’
    With a gun and a rope
    (Pop was no dope)
    He had to show Ma he had cunnin’.

    In the hullabaloo the goat disappears
    And Ma is excited to tears.
    Pop comforts with kisses
    Taking care of his Mrs.
    That goat’s triggered foreplay for years!

  62. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Chiropractor would frequently quote
    Of the days he treated the Pope
    When he found whilst adjusting
    Something disgusting
    In the Gluteus maximus-cote.

  63. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    An actress who loved to emote:
    “It’s quite apropos
    That my necklines are low;
    My cuisine I prefer to be haute.”

  64. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    From the guy on the five-dollar note,
    Whose bold proclamation
    Was, none in the nation
    Should count for 3/5 of a vote.

  65. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    From columns that Paul Krugman wrote,
    To remind all his friends
    When the government spends,
    Of the growth that it tends to promote.

  66. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently quote
    A French politician of note
    Who was oft heard to say:
    “Notre système de santé
    Est meilleure, s’il vous plaît, que la vôtre.”

  67. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Our Grandfather said,- and I quote,
    “To lose weight I’ll go row a boat
    six miles a day”
    If he did we can’t say
    Ne’er again did we see the old goat.

  68. A Winspeare says:

    A count would frequently quote
    While doing the rounds of his moat
    Some lines from the bard
    As the countess made hard
    His appendage, the old billy goat!

  69. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “I’m on deadline, just gimme a quote,”
    Wasn’t said to a person of note
    By a writer of news,
    But instead to the muse
    By a poet who couldn’t emote.

  70. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    A politician would frequently quote
    Boring rhetoric and anecdotes
    Still, throngs came to hear
    Opponents waited to smear
    Words out of context and misquotes

  71. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    Where do you want us to post the limericks on your facebook page?

    Note from Mad Kane: Facebook users can post their limericks here.

  72. Kirk Miller says:

    A woman would frequently quote
    Her bushwalking husband, who’d note:
    “I am mountain goat-like
    When I go on a hike.”
    But to her, he was just an old goat.

    Kirk Miller

  73. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    An old man would frequently quote
    Shakespeare’s sonnets and love notes
    A sugar daddy he wanted to be
    None of the girls would agree
    They thought him a dirty old goat.

  74. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    An old man would frequently quote
    Love sonnets and love notes
    A sugar daddy he wanted to be
    None of the girls would agree
    They thought him a dirty old goat.

  75. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 87.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Treat.