Limerick Treat (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow would frequently treat…*
or
A woman would frequently treat…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Treat
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow would frequently treat
His friends to tall tales from a tweet.
He assumed Twitter’s feed
Was a factual read,
But its myth-spreading speed can’t be beat.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Behavior Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Rumors Humor, Social Media Poetry, Tall Tales, Tweets Limerick, Twitter Verse, Writing Prompts
Yours is so good I feel intimidated, Madeleine. But maybe, just maybe…
A woman would frequently treat
A sailor to sex in the street.
So popular the sport,
When the fleet was in port,
She found she was worked off her feet.
A postscript for the Naval astronomers:
Her body, a heavenly delight,
In a dress, too short and too tight.
She was called a White Dwarf
By the crew on the wharf:
Very hot but not very bright.
A fellow would frequently treat,
Each woman as just a big teat,
But the sucker would fail,
To get any tail,
His lack of respect too complete.
A woman would frequently treat
Horny guys she would meet on the street
With amorous care,
As others would stare.
Perhaps she could be more discreet?
A fellow would frequently treat
The gals who’d wait for the fleet.
He stood at the dock
Next rhyme gets a block
And performed a formidable feat.
A woman would frequently treat
A guy who came off the fleet.
She shrieked with great glee
“My God can it be”.
Ripped the sheet in her heat she would tweet.
A woman would frequently treat
Her boyfriend with utter deceit
Though she pledged her devotion
She’d take all her lotion
And proceed with another to cheat.
A fellow would frequently treat,
His pair of aching feet.
With something strange,
From out on the range.
He’d pee in the shower for heat.
a fellow would frequently treat
himself to a cake, really sweet
and enjoyed it so much
never ate in a rush
but the fork and spoon found their own beat
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to a couple’s retreat,
To just get away,
For some child free play,
And rekindle their amorous heat.
from Patience;
A fellow would frequently treat
Two bunions that grew on his feet,
Big toes got big notions
Rejected all potions,
thats why warts had a victory complete.
and the Prodigal:
A woman would frequently treat
Every beggar she met on the street,
She said “beggars cant be choosers,
That’s why you are losers,
Your shortcomings make me complete”
A fellow would frequently treat
Dates to backrubs, with dreams, oh, so sweet!
But massaging the thighs
Was too close to the prize;
At the last, he’d go down to defeat.
So this guy who would frequently treat
Himself to an onanist feat
Can’t go back any more
To that grocery store
‘Til he learns how to be more discreet.
A lady would frequently treat
Her man to a rub of the feet.
But returning the favor,
he didn’t quite savor,
To change his mind would be quite a feat.
In her book, “All In”, Paula would treat
Her subject as brave, smart and SWEET!
“But clay feet,” said Petraeus,
“Can sometimes betray us.”
Not battle, but bed, brought defeat.
Thought I’d give myself some kind of treat
A week off here from trynna compete
A break from the rhyming
And metrical timing –
Oh shit … now my limerick’s complete!
It’s time for a rock and roll treat
With headphones, I play Little Feat
Wait For Columbus
Don’t bogart, you frumpus
I’m Willin’ to stay in this seat
The aftermath is quite a treat
watching as Fox pounds its meat
I don’t want to gloat
But look at the vote
“Scoreboard!” baby, you’re beat
Big Dog had to earn ev’ry treat
While Pup got treats ‘cuz he was sweet.
Jealousy is a bear when
Owners are aware, then
Delete snacks Big Dog loved to eat.
Little Bo Peep didn’t think it a treat
She awoke to hear nary a bleat!
But she’d learned long ago
To let them all go–
They’d find their way home just to eat.
A fellow would frequently treat
His girlfriend to a meet-and-greet.
He liked showing her off,
He said, but she’d scoff,
“You like my decidedly deep pleat.”
Yes, she loved going au naturelle
Low necklines, no stockings, aw hell…
It was nothing at all
And he had a ball
Watching friends’ eyes (and pants) swell.
Little Bo Peep got a treat
Her usual fare tastes like sheet
When Emeril said “Bam!”
She ate leg of lamb
No one complained, not a bleat.
A woman would frequently treat
His lap as her comfortable seat,
Until his reaction
To her grinding action,
Made coupling their fate “Ahhh Complete!”
The Swamp Thing enjoyed him a treat
as Swamp Gal gave head in the peat
He came with a roar
and blasted his spore
and shellacked that beast, head to feet
A woman would frequently treat
Human “friends” as friends to delete.
Frequent trips to the vet’s
Showed her preference for pets
And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.
A lady decided to treat
herself to a glass of scotch neat
not much of a vice
she just hated ice
her tap water tasted like feet
A fellow would frequently treat
His clients to something to eat,
But ran into trouble
By writing off double
The bottom line on the receipt.
A fellow would frequently treat
The fungus infecting his feet
By sprinkling talcum,
Which may have been how come
He never got prickly heat.
This contest is really a treat.
The rhymer,s their posts are replete.
As a matter of fact,
folks use lots of tact –
no one has used the word “teat”!!
A woman would frequently treat
An unsightly tertiary teat
With deftly done binding
(If one needs reminding,
A perfectly proper deceit).
A fellow would frequently treat
The burgers he wanted to eat
With hydro-peroxide,
Complaining that ox hide
Had microbes that got in the meat.
The response was rather a treat
since Dave was not indiscrete
The error was mine
My scan missed a line
I should have said “baseball cleat”
A fellow would frequently treat
Ardent feelings to pleasures discrete
Asking his paramour
To do things I deplore
Pulling toes and then rubbing his feet
A fellow would frequently treat
All the girl friends on whom he was sweet
To popcorn and twizzlers
At drive-in show sizzlers
Then move them into the back seat
Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
A settler who died in the heat.
The one who would win
Got the head to the shin
While the loser accepted de feet.
The parents would ‘casionally treat
their children to drinks that are sweet
But now they’re in jail
And need to raise bail
For the 16 oz crime they must beat
I don’t think I’d feel this appalled
Were food additives being recalled
There are 2000 plus
And they’re ‘embalming’ us
So large drink crimes? I’m just not enthralled
Said the man while preparing a treat
For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
“To make things enticing
Let’s first spread the icing
Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”
A married man would sometimes treat
himself to a bite of fresh meat
Always careful to hide
What he did from his bride
She was vegan- so he was being sweet!
A lady would frequently treat
Some sailors on leave from the fleet.
She would dance with a fan
When the music began.
The whole thing was a bit indiscreet.
A Ballet dancer would frequently treat
His partner to his body heat
And later in bed
She’d be giving him head
To the tune of The Nutcracker Suite.
A fellow would frequently treat
Each liaison just like a track meet
He would pass the baton
With his running shoes on
And then finish wham bam and Tout suite
A lady in the bar would frequently treat
This suave guy with her sensuous dance beat.
When the music stopped,
Together they hopped
Away to his suite across the wide street.
A Vegan would frequently treat
Herself to green silver beet
And a plate of baked beans
Then unzip her friends jeans
For the only meat she would eat.
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to ice cream for the heat;
The more-er the hotter
The fatter he gotter –
Mid-summer, he can’t see his feet.
A geek who would frequently treat
With lack of respect quite complete
His friends of the girl-type
Till on him they’d whirl: type
His keys for ‘Control, Alt, Delete’.
A sea-horse who’d frequently treat
His filly, gets worked off his feet!
He’s stuck with the foals,
While SHE rocks ‘n rolls
With some stud in some knight club off Crete. :(
… BUT …
A lion who wishes to treat
Himself and his -esses to meat,
Just lies and relaxes
While THEY hunt in packs! Is
That not, guys, just neater than neat?! :)
A woman would frequently treat
E D in her men with red meat;
Then she’d strip to the waist …
Sorry folks, for good taste,
This limerick must stay incomplete.
A lady had hoped for a treat
The numbers just couldn’t be beat
Expecting big thrills
She popped a few pills
And went down to greet the fleet!
A fellow would frequently treat
Vegetarians to soups without meat.
“I find inspiration
In foods of each nation.
There are places where borsch can’t be beet!”
Grandma had prepeared a treat
Her holidayfeasts can’t be beat
Her mood hit the skids
when she saw the grandkids
at the table were all sending tweet (s)
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a pleasure discreet.
When he’d need a release,
He’d get physical peace
By fervently beating his meat.
A fellow would frequently treat
His wife to an ironing feat.
He would start at the dawn;
All day long he’d “press” on.
He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.
They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
As he started to chew
The snap-crackle-pop goo,
The abstract became the concrete.
A Cannibal would frequently treat
His wife with good things to eat
There were times he would give her
Fricaseed liver
Or rack of Missionary’s feet.
A fellow would frequently treat
Good food like a foreign conceit.
I don’t know why he’d risk it:
He mixed borscht with a brisket.
You could say he’s beeting his meat.
A leopard would frequently treat
Herself to spa treatment complete
With cream and with lotion.
She sighed with emotion,
“So many black spots to delete!”
When a mob boss decided to treat
The theme of “the man in the street,”
The turn of his thought,
You may reckon, was not
In the abstract, but in the concrete.
A Masseusse would frequently treat
Her clients and start at their feet
Working up to the crutch
With a light feather touch
Then grab the erection and eat.
Short-term memory loss is no treat.
Things I’ve started, I’m doomed to repeat.
It sure ain’t much fun.
Now my lim’rick is done.
.
Short-term memory loss is no treat …
Stream of consciousness treat
chickens are crossing the street
beige can be blah
Fred said “Fwoozhwah!”
I wanted to be an athlete.
morning at home,
not knowing how to write a poem,
so I begin to read,
and check those live feed,
then I see limerick prompt here to roam.
A fellow would frequently treat
His fingers as drum sticks to beat
The latest musical trend
Causing gals to twist n’ bend
His eyes poppin’ at each wigglin’ ‘seat’
A woman would frequently treat
On ice cream, chocolates – rowed neat
She’d not eat healthily
Nor eat candies stealthily
And now can’t get out of her seat
or
A Woman would frequently treat
On ice cream, and chocolates – rowed neat
She wanted it all
Money, men dark and tall
Lost it all to her spreading seat
When a john dared to ask for a treat
That not he, but his hooker, would eat,
She obliged without quibble,
Then took a small nibble
And spat, “Sir, don’t forget your receipt.”
The swamp skeeters went for their treat
Campers, as large as six feet
The leader said “Hell!
I know that smell! –
repellants with $#!tloads of DEET!”
My friend was just ten and the treat
of discovering Playboys was sweet
We were playing Hide and Seek
when he found and did peek
Not at me, but at naked Miss Treat
A butcher, when asked for a treat,
Suggested his meat would be meet.
The cook botched the burgers–
The guests all gave her grrrrs;
Now they beef ‘bout the beef when they meet.
The Bishop decided to treat
Himself to a head job , discreet
Then said later, “Fellation
surely beats masturbation”.
So returned to repeat and repeat.
A Contortionist felt like a treat
So went down upon his own meat
Now he claims it is cleaner
To use your own wiener
And besides you can see what you eat.
In winter we all get a treat
with the snow and the frost and the sleet
When the neighbor’s old truck
is once again stuck
he’s learned just to admit defeat!
A man asked a butcher to treat
A case of untenderized meat.
The butcher thought, “This is
A job for the Mrs.”
But kept quiet and started to beat.
A minister would frequently treat
His affairs with private discreet
When a congregant found out
There was a big knockout
Now, forced to preach in the streets.
A woman would frequently treat
A spa day for her tootsies and feet
Her size twelve not itty-bitty
Still, she thought them pretty
But wished they were more petite
Republicans just ain’t no treat
November has been one big defeat
Those poor messed up souls
got thumped at the polls
then Bond bested “Lincoln”, how sweet!
A fellow would frequently treat
Himself to a meal of fine meat.
One time on a dare
He took his lamb rare,
But gagged when it started to bleat!
A man who would frequently treat
Others kindly admitted defeat
When he helped out a tramp
But that scruffy old scamp
Knocked him out and stole the shoes off his feet
Republicans wanted to treat
The incumbent as already beat.
Though many a pundit
Was totally stunned, it
Was Mitt who went down in defeat.
Bernanke would frequently treat
His friends from among the elite
To more rounds of easing,
Which must’ve been pleasing
To bond salesman down on the street.
A podiatrist wanted to treat
his patient to acts indiscreet.
But she took no chances
and spurned his advances,
so the doctor went down in de-feet.
A lady would frequently treat
her friends to a glimpse of her feet.
Golden rings on her toes,
tied with bright fancy bows
but, the stench caused a hasty retreat.
I found reading your entries a treat
And picking the winners a feat.
But judge them I must,
Or I’m bound to be trussed
Up for failing to pick the elite.
So the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week (88).
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lining Up For Limericks.