Limerick Treat (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow would frequently treat…*

or

A woman would frequently treat…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Treat
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow would frequently treat
His friends to tall tales from a tweet.
He assumed Twitter’s feed
Was a factual read,
But its myth-spreading speed can’t be beat.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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81 Responses to “Limerick Treat (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Yours is so good I feel intimidated, Madeleine. But maybe, just maybe…

  2. A woman would frequently treat
    A sailor to sex in the street.
    So popular the sport,
    When the fleet was in port,
    She found she was worked off her feet.

  3. A postscript for the Naval astronomers:

    Her body, a heavenly delight,
    In a dress, too short and too tight.
    She was called a White Dwarf
    By the crew on the wharf:
    Very hot but not very bright.

  4. Chris Papa says:

    A fellow would frequently treat,
    Each woman as just a big teat,
    But the sucker would fail,
    To get any tail,
    His lack of respect too complete.

  5. Mark Kane says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    Horny guys she would meet on the street
    With amorous care,
    As others would stare.
    Perhaps she could be more discreet?

  6. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    The gals who’d wait for the fleet.
    He stood at the dock
    Next rhyme gets a block
    And performed a formidable feat.

  7. John Sardo says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    A guy who came off the fleet.
    She shrieked with great glee
    “My God can it be”.
    Ripped the sheet in her heat she would tweet.

  8. Al Hood says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    Her boyfriend with utter deceit
    Though she pledged her devotion
    She’d take all her lotion
    And proceed with another to cheat.

  9. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow would frequently treat,
    His pair of aching feet.
    With something strange,
    From out on the range.
    He’d pee in the shower for heat.

  10. Claudia says:

    a fellow would frequently treat
    himself to a cake, really sweet
    and enjoyed it so much
    never ate in a rush
    but the fork and spoon found their own beat

  11. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    His wife to a couple’s retreat,
    To just get away,
    For some child free play,
    And rekindle their amorous heat.

  12. patience and the prodigal says:

    from Patience;

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Two bunions that grew on his feet,
    Big toes got big notions
    Rejected all potions,
    thats why warts had a victory complete.

    and the Prodigal:
    A woman would frequently treat
    Every beggar she met on the street,
    She said “beggars cant be choosers,
    That’s why you are losers,
    Your shortcomings make me complete”

  13. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Dates to backrubs, with dreams, oh, so sweet!
    But massaging the thighs
    Was too close to the prize;
    At the last, he’d go down to defeat.

  14. Craig says:

    So this guy who would frequently treat
    Himself to an onanist feat
    Can’t go back any more
    To that grocery store
    ‘Til he learns how to be more discreet.

  15. Rachael says:

    A lady would frequently treat
    Her man to a rub of the feet.
    But returning the favor,
    he didn’t quite savor,
    To change his mind would be quite a feat.

  16. Kathy El-Assal says:

    In her book, “All In”, Paula would treat
    Her subject as brave, smart and SWEET!
    “But clay feet,” said Petraeus,
    “Can sometimes betray us.”
    Not battle, but bed, brought defeat.

  17. Craig says:

    Thought I’d give myself some kind of treat
    A week off here from trynna compete
    A break from the rhyming
    And metrical timing –
    Oh shit … now my limerick’s complete!

  18. Rich D says:

    It’s time for a rock and roll treat
    With headphones, I play Little Feat
    Wait For Columbus
    Don’t bogart, you frumpus
    I’m Willin’ to stay in this seat

  19. Rich D says:

    The aftermath is quite a treat
    watching as Fox pounds its meat
    I don’t want to gloat
    But look at the vote
    “Scoreboard!” baby, you’re beat

  20. Veralynne says:

    Big Dog had to earn ev’ry treat
    While Pup got treats ‘cuz he was sweet.
    Jealousy is a bear when
    Owners are aware, then
    Delete snacks Big Dog loved to eat.

  21. Veralynne says:

    Little Bo Peep didn’t think it a treat
    She awoke to hear nary a bleat!
    But she’d learned long ago
    To let them all go–
    They’d find their way home just to eat.

  22. Veralynne says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    His girlfriend to a meet-and-greet.
    He liked showing her off,
    He said, but she’d scoff,
    “You like my decidedly deep pleat.”

    Yes, she loved going au naturelle
    Low necklines, no stockings, aw hell…
    It was nothing at all
    And he had a ball
    Watching friends’ eyes (and pants) swell.

  23. Rich D says:

    Little Bo Peep got a treat
    Her usual fare tastes like sheet
    When Emeril said “Bam!”
    She ate leg of lamb
    No one complained, not a bleat.

  24. Mark Kane says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    His lap as her comfortable seat,
    Until his reaction
    To her grinding action,
    Made coupling their fate “Ahhh Complete!”

  25. Rich D says:

    The Swamp Thing enjoyed him a treat
    as Swamp Gal gave head in the peat
    He came with a roar
    and blasted his spore
    and shellacked that beast, head to feet

  26. Granny Smith says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    Human “friends” as friends to delete.
    Frequent trips to the vet’s
    Showed her preference for pets
    And she learned how to meow, bark, and tweet.

  27. Rich D says:

    A lady decided to treat
    herself to a glass of scotch neat
    not much of a vice
    she just hated ice
    her tap water tasted like feet

  28. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    His clients to something to eat,
    But ran into trouble
    By writing off double
    The bottom line on the receipt.

  29. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    The fungus infecting his feet
    By sprinkling talcum,
    Which may have been how come
    He never got prickly heat.

  30. Rich D says:

    This contest is really a treat.
    The rhymer,s their posts are replete.
    As a matter of fact,
    folks use lots of tact –
    no one has used the word “teat”!!

  31. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    An unsightly tertiary teat
    With deftly done binding
    (If one needs reminding,
    A perfectly proper deceit).

  32. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    The burgers he wanted to eat
    With hydro-peroxide,
    Complaining that ox hide
    Had microbes that got in the meat.

  33. Rich D says:

    The response was rather a treat
    since Dave was not indiscrete
    The error was mine
    My scan missed a line
    I should have said “baseball cleat”

  34. A fellow would frequently treat
    Ardent feelings to pleasures discrete
    Asking his paramour
    To do things I deplore
    Pulling toes and then rubbing his feet

  35. A fellow would frequently treat
    All the girl friends on whom he was sweet
    To popcorn and twizzlers
    At drive-in show sizzlers
    Then move them into the back seat

  36. Craig says:

    Two cannibals fought o’er a treat:
    A settler who died in the heat.
    The one who would win
    Got the head to the shin
    While the loser accepted de feet.

  37. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    The parents would ‘casionally treat
    their children to drinks that are sweet
    But now they’re in jail
    And need to raise bail
    For the 16 oz crime they must beat

    I don’t think I’d feel this appalled
    Were food additives being recalled
    There are 2000 plus
    And they’re ‘embalming’ us
    So large drink crimes? I’m just not enthralled

  38. Johanna Richmond says:

    Said the man while preparing a treat
    For his wife who enjoyed a good sweet:
    “To make things enticing
    Let’s first spread the icing
    Then you lick the beater; I’ll beat.”

  39. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A married man would sometimes treat
    himself to a bite of fresh meat
    Always careful to hide
    What he did from his bride
    She was vegan- so he was being sweet!

  40. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A lady would frequently treat
    Some sailors on leave from the fleet.
    She would dance with a fan
    When the music began.
    The whole thing was a bit indiscreet.

  41. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Ballet dancer would frequently treat
    His partner to his body heat
    And later in bed
    She’d be giving him head
    To the tune of The Nutcracker Suite.

  42. A fellow would frequently treat
    Each liaison just like a track meet
    He would pass the baton
    With his running shoes on
    And then finish wham bam and Tout suite

  43. Green Speck says:

    A lady in the bar would frequently treat
    This suave guy with her sensuous dance beat.
    When the music stopped,
    Together they hopped
    Away to his suite across the wide street.

  44. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Vegan would frequently treat
    Herself to green silver beet
    And a plate of baked beans
    Then unzip her friends jeans
    For the only meat she would eat.

  45. colonialist says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Himself to ice cream for the heat;
    The more-er the hotter
    The fatter he gotter -
    Mid-summer, he can’t see his feet.

    A geek who would frequently treat
    With lack of respect quite complete
    His friends of the girl-type
    Till on him they’d whirl: type
    His keys for ‘Control, Alt, Delete’.

  46. A sea-horse who’d frequently treat
    His filly, gets worked off his feet!
    He’s stuck with the foals,
    While SHE rocks ‘n rolls
    With some stud in some knight club off Crete. :(

    … BUT …

    A lion who wishes to treat
    Himself and his -esses to meat,
    Just lies and relaxes
    While THEY hunt in packs! Is
    That not, guys, just neater than neat?! :)

  47. A woman would frequently treat
    E D in her men with red meat;
    Then she’d strip to the waist …
    Sorry folks, for good taste,
    This limerick must stay incomplete.

  48. Rich D says:

    A lady had hoped for a treat
    The numbers just couldn’t be beat
    Expecting big thrills
    She popped a few pills
    And went down to greet the fleet!

  49. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Vegetarians to soups without meat.
    “I find inspiration
    In foods of each nation.
    There are places where borsch can’t be beet!”

  50. Rich D says:

    Grandma had prepeared a treat
    Her holidayfeasts can’t be beat
    Her mood hit the skids
    when she saw the grandkids
    at the table were all sending tweet (s)

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Himself to a pleasure discreet.
    When he’d need a release,
    He’d get physical peace
    By fervently beating his meat.

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    His wife to an ironing feat.
    He would start at the dawn;
    All day long he’d “press” on.
    He’d work ’til the job was com-pleat.

  53. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    They’d warned him: One Rice Krispie treat
    And you’re hopelessly stuck on the sweet.
    As he started to chew
    The snap-crackle-pop goo,
    The abstract became the concrete.

  54. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Cannibal would frequently treat
    His wife with good things to eat
    There were times he would give her
    Fricaseed liver
    Or rack of Missionary’s feet.

  55. Tim James says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Good food like a foreign conceit.
    I don’t know why he’d risk it:
    He mixed borscht with a brisket.
    You could say he’s beeting his meat.

  56. Granny Smith says:

    A leopard would frequently treat
    Herself to spa treatment complete
    With cream and with lotion.
    She sighed with emotion,
    “So many black spots to delete!”

  57. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    When a mob boss decided to treat
    The theme of “the man in the street,”
    The turn of his thought,
    You may reckon, was not
    In the abstract, but in the concrete.

  58. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Masseusse would frequently treat
    Her clients and start at their feet
    Working up to the crutch
    With a light feather touch
    Then grab the erection and eat.

  59. Craig says:

    Short-term memory loss is no treat.
    Things I’ve started, I’m doomed to repeat.
    It sure ain’t much fun.
    Now my lim’rick is done.
    .
    Short-term memory loss is no treat …

  60. Rich D says:

    Stream of consciousness treat
    chickens are crossing the street
    beige can be blah
    Fred said “Fwoozhwah!”
    I wanted to be an athlete.

  61. Stpephany ChuBB Hudson says:

    morning at home,
    not knowing how to write a poem,
    so I begin to read,
    and check those live feed,
    then I see limerick prompt here to roam.

  62. JulesPaige says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    His fingers as drum sticks to beat
    The latest musical trend
    Causing gals to twist n’ bend
    His eyes poppin’ at each wigglin’ ‘seat’

  63. JulesPaige says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    On ice cream, chocolates – rowed neat
    She’d not eat healthily
    Nor eat candies stealthily
    And now can’t get out of her seat

    or

    A Woman would frequently treat
    On ice cream, and chocolates – rowed neat
    She wanted it all
    Money, men dark and tall
    Lost it all to her spreading seat

  64. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    When a john dared to ask for a treat
    That not he, but his hooker, would eat,
    She obliged without quibble,
    Then took a small nibble
    And spat, “Sir, don’t forget your receipt.”

  65. Rich D says:

    The swamp skeeters went for their treat
    Campers, as large as six feet
    The leader said “Hell!
    I know that smell! -
    repellants with $#!tloads of DEET!”

  66. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    My friend was just ten and the treat
    of discovering Playboys was sweet
    We were playing Hide and Seek
    when he found and did peek
    Not at me, but at naked Miss Treat

  67. Carolyn Henly says:

    A butcher, when asked for a treat,
    Suggested his meat would be meet.
    The cook botched the burgers–
    The guests all gave her grrrrs;
    Now they beef ‘bout the beef when they meet.

  68. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    The Bishop decided to treat
    Himself to a head job , discreet
    Then said later, “Fellation
    surely beats masturbation”.
    So returned to repeat and repeat.

  69. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Contortionist felt like a treat
    So went down upon his own meat
    Now he claims it is cleaner
    To use your own wiener
    And besides you can see what you eat.

  70. Rich D says:

    In winter we all get a treat
    with the snow and the frost and the sleet
    When the neighbor’s old truck
    is once again stuck
    he’s learned just to admit defeat!

  71. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A man asked a butcher to treat
    A case of untenderized meat.
    The butcher thought, “This is
    A job for the Mrs.”
    But kept quiet and started to beat.

  72. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    A minister would frequently treat
    His affairs with private discreet
    When a congregant found out
    There was a big knockout
    Now, forced to preach in the streets.

  73. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    A woman would frequently treat
    A spa day for her tootsies and feet
    Her size twelve not itty-bitty
    Still, she thought them pretty
    But wished they were more petite

  74. Rich D says:

    Republicans just ain’t no treat
    November has been one big defeat
    Those poor messed up souls
    got thumped at the polls
    then Bond bested “Lincoln”, how sweet!

  75. oudiva says:

    A fellow would frequently treat
    Himself to a meal of fine meat.
    One time on a dare
    He took his lamb rare,
    But gagged when it started to bleat!

  76. Mark Megson says:

    A man who would frequently treat
    Others kindly admitted defeat
    When he helped out a tramp
    But that scruffy old scamp
    Knocked him out and stole the shoes off his feet

  77. Dr. Goose says:

    Republicans wanted to treat
    The incumbent as already beat.
    Though many a pundit
    Was totally stunned, it
    Was Mitt who went down in defeat.

  78. Dr. Goose says:

    Bernanke would frequently treat
    His friends from among the elite
    To more rounds of easing,
    Which must’ve been pleasing
    To bond salesman down on the street.

  79. Bruce Niedt says:

    A podiatrist wanted to treat
    his patient to acts indiscreet.
    But she took no chances
    and spurned his advances,
    so the doctor went down in de-feet.

  80. Charley Simmons says:

    A lady would frequently treat
    her friends to a glimpse of her feet.
    Golden rings on her toes,
    tied with bright fancy bows
    but, the stench caused a hasty retreat.

  81. madkane says:

    I found reading your entries a treat
    And picking the winners a feat.
    But judge them I must,
    Or I’m bound to be trussed
    Up for failing to pick the elite.

    So the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week (88).

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lining Up For Limericks.