Archive for the ‘Poetry & Prompts’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line

Saturday, March 18th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POWER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POWER-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2017 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When I tried to return a gas grill,
I felt burned when the owner said “Chill!”
So I countered with heat:
“It won’t light! You’re a cheat!
“Take it back, or you’ll soon need a will.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (273)

Saturday, March 18th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick, which is both a “Bust” limerick and a Confusion-themed limerick. Brian calls it Donald’s Dilemma:

“It’s confusing when driven by lust,
And choosing just leaves me non-plussed.
Is it tits I should hold,
Or go straight for the gold?
My dilemma – Grab pussy, or bust.”

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Confusion-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

March 11th, when going to bed,
Do I set the clock back, or ahead?
It’s confusing as hell —
But I’ve solved it quite well:
Throw the clock out the window instead!

Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for her limerick saga, which received the most Facebook “likes.” (Suzanne swears it’s a true story.)

When my sister (the eldest) was born,
From the birth my poor mother was worn.
Doctor spanked the babe’s bum,
Checked her health, and then some—
Got returned to her mum the same morn.

When she lifted the blanket to feed her,
The feelings of shock did stampede her;
A boy was inside!
My poor mum almost died,
As the nurses had tried to mislead her.

The confusion and screams that would follow
Were much more than the woman could swallow.
The real babe they did bring
To which Momma did cling,
Their apologies ringing quite hollow.

Well, my mum and the nurses conversed,
Then in laughter together immersed;
Any punishment draped
On the nurses escaped
’Cause that day – it was April the first!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, Ken Gosse, Suzanne Heymann, Brian Allgar, Mike Moulton, Sue Dulley, Kathleen Bartoletti, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BUST-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CONFUSION-Themed LIMERICKS)

Fred Bortz:

Two teens, so confused by their lust,
Feel desire where once was disgust.
Their organs a-tingle,
They meld and they mingle.
(It started when she grew a bust.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BUST/BUSSED/ROBUST” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

The stripper believed it unjust
That her gin joint was raided. It must
Have been something to see:
She’s a 42-D,
And the cops thought it quite a good bust.

David Reddekopp:

His regime fills us all with disgust,
And when we resist, as we must,
Then Trump’s all a-twitter;
He’s boorish and bitter.
That blowhard’s about to combust.

Sharon Neeman:

Oh I’m terribly piqued and upset!
We were shopping, and I asked Jeannette,
“Does this flatter my bust?”
She replied with disgust,
“Well… flatter, it just couldn’t get.”

Ken Gosse:

Such a robust bust had to be bussed.
Long before she arrived it was thrust
Like the bow of a ship
On a very long trip;
With Leviathan ribs it was trussed.

Suzanne Heymann:

At a pool, where the D-cups are brimmin’,
The men cannot focus on swimmin’.
As they ogle each bust,
Something grows and they lust
Behind speedos, disgusting the women.

Brian Allgar:

The hooker was very robust,
And would bonk them with thrust after thrust.
Then, with knot-maker’s science,
She’d tie up her clients
And rob them. Her street-name? “Miss Trussed.”

Mike Moulton:

Said Pence, “The assertion’s a bust
That a wall on the border’s a must.
Any wall that we phase-in
Will keep all the gays in,
Which is something we haven’t discussed.”

Sue Dulley:

In my mother’s youth, life was unjust.
Three measurements, hips, waist and bust
Were called Vital Statistics;
These characteristics
Could generate lust or disgust.

Kathleen Bartoletti:

“He cried, “I must fondle your bust!”
She replied, “if you must, then you must.”
As he reached out, expectant,
She sprayed disinfectant.
He fled, both in pain and disgust.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CONFUSION-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

His fans have a weird sense of mirth;
They cheer as he slashes their worth.
Confusing? Try this:
If ign’rance is bliss,
They’re the happiest people on earth.

Tim James, for his “Wire Tapp Crapp”

There was never much doubt. Now we’re sure
Kellyanne and Sean’s motives are pure.
Their prime occupation:
Complete obfuscation.
It’s years since I’ve seen such manure.

Dave Johnson:

Having met in a line at the store,
They went up to her place for some more.
The night was sublime
Till that moment in time
When he asked, “Have I been here before?”

Diane Groothuis:

An Irishman people called Mick
Was really incredibly thick,
And confused most of all
By three spades ’gainst a wall,
When they told him to go take his pick.

Byron Ives:

If you vow you won’t cuss, did you swear?
Two Bartletts, are they not a pair?
If your pants become torn
Is it ’cause they’re well worn?
If the bus costs you more is it fare?

Is an athlete from France called a jacques?
Is a fly without wings called a walk?
If, with no arms, you’re born,
Would you still enjoy porn?
Is a tube filled with gooey stuff, caulk?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BUST, BUSSED, or ROBUST at the end of any one line

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BUST, BUSSED, or ROBUST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONFUSION, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONFUSION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 19, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 18, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

An upper crust fellow went bust,
And cussed as he tried to adjust
To his new lack of money;
He’d trusted his “honey,”
But was screwed and undone by his lust.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (272)

Sunday, March 5th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

When the cruise liner started to list
The cook had a mishap. The gist:
He fell right on a knife.
It was quite late in life
For a man to be suddenly brissed.

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special LAZINESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Fred Bortz:

“My vehicle license expired,”
Said the biker. “It’s just not desired.
I could have renewed it.
By choice, I eschewed it.
Too lazy? No, simply two-tired.”

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Now, what should I do with my time?
To waste it would be such a crime.
Though Everest tempts me,
My nature exempts me –
I just can’t be bothered to climb.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LIST/ENLIST” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

When I think of the dates I have missed,
All those things left undone, I insist
I must write them all down,
But I stop with a frown
When I reach “Number 1: make a list.”

Fred Bortz:

The Italian man reads from a list
Of women he’s pleased to have kissed:
“I married a few
And divorced all but two.
My brain’s in a fog (big-a mist).”

Dave Johnson:

Some management suck-ups insist
On a method to move up the list.
They’re climbing the charts
By clinging to parts
Of executive asses they kissed.

David Reddekopp:

A man who had once made a list
Of all of the girls he has kissed
Had now, as his aim
To ignite an old flame;
He was going to try for a tryst.

His advances were quickly dismissed;
When he asked them, they only got pissed.
And now he is lonely;
It’s him and him only
And all he has left is his wrist.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LAZINESS LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

No computer for Conrad; instead,
He did staggering sums in his head!
All were shocked at the ease —
Till one teacher snapped “He’s
Just too lazy to get out of bed.”

Will T. Laughlin:

Procrastinate? Me? Heavens, no —
Although I’m infernally slow,
The word for my wait
Should be “Am-crastinate”
(I’m too lazy to ever go Pro).

Fred Bortz:

I’m sure that this lim’s gonna win,
As certain as I’ve ever been.
Could it lose? I’d say never;
It’s ever so clever.
Except I’m too lazy to fin.

Sharon Neeman:

To my clock as I set it to “Snooze”
(Never quite for as long as I’d choose):
“I’m not lazy, you pest;
I am effing depressed;
So would you be, if you read the news!”

Brian Allgar:

They told me “You should write a sonnet;
Proper poets have all undergone it.”
Fourteen lines? Are you crazy?
No way, I’m too lazy.
Now, limericks – five lines, I’m on it.

Dave Johnson:

In my cubicle, everything’s fine;
The chair is all set to recline.
This morning’s been tough
And I’ve just had enough;
It’s already a quarter to nine.

Will T. Laughlin:

Sure, I’m fond of that yellowing Note
Our political ancestors wrote;
And good schools. And clean air.
And a system that’s fair.
But I just can’t be bothered to vote.

What’s that? Did you call me a jerk,
And say that my duty I shirk?
That I loaf? I malinger?
I’d give you the finger,
If lifting it wasn’t such work.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIST or ENLIST at the end of any one line

Sunday, February 19th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LIST or ENLIST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LAZINESS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LAZINESS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 5, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 4, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

While at work, I created a list
Of reasons I’m listless and pissed.
When it grew rather long,
I blissed out on a bong,
Until caught doing wrong and dismissed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (271)

Sunday, February 19th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Will T. Laughlin:

There’s a fellow I met in the street
Whose phrasebook’s a tad incomplete.
When he comes up to greet you
And say, “Pleased to meet you…”
It comes out: “I pleasure your meat!”

I tried to correct the man — twice —
But he just wouldn’t heed my advice.
“PLEASED. TO. MEET. YOU.” I said;
He just nodded his head,
And continued: “Your meat, it is nice!”

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Battle of the Sexes-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

They met at the Amazon store;
Excited, she opted for more.
But later that night
As she reached for the light,
Alexa yelled “Show him the door!”

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

His guests felt the welcoming heat
Of the barbecue. “What will we eat?
“Kebabs!” Vlad would jest
While impaling each guest,
For they were supplying the meat.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Reddekopp, Richard Campbell, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Michael Moulton, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Suzanne Heymann, and Sharon Neeman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: MEAT/MEET/METE RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BATTLE of the SEXES LIMERICKS)

David Reddekopp:

A father was trying to cheat,
So his wife had some justice to mete.
The next day, the news read,
“Deadbeat Dad is Beat Dead.”
For her crime, an electrified seat.

Richard Campbell:

On 2/10, if we happen to meet,
And I find you both sexy and sweet,
I’ll not call right away,
So I don’t have to pay
For a big-ticket Valentine’s treat.

Dave Johnson:

A butcher named Bud thinks he’s neat;
That women just fall at his feet.
But he found out from Jill
That without his blue pill,
There’s no market for Bud’s boneless meat.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MEAT/MEET/METE RHYME DIVISION)

Fred Bortz:

At a long-distance runners retreat,
They discussed how to win every meet.
Finish first (Boy, oh Boy!)–
That’s victorious joy.
If you’re last, there’s the pain of de-feet.

Mike Moulton:

Did Trump and his match finally meet
When a judge without missing a beat,
Said, “Your ban is now void.
If that leaves you annoyed,
Then knock yourself out with a tweet.”

Brian Allgar, in which Titus Andronicus invites the Empress Tamora to dinner:

“Can’t resist, though my diet forbids,”
Said Tamora, “those puff-pastry lids,
And your pies are so sweet,
With such fresh, tender meat . . .”
He explained they contained her own kids.

Marty Gerendasy:

A lass with a smile oh so sweet
Sold her “wares” to each guy that she’d meet.
But her efforts soon failed
And she found herself jailed.
Never mess with a cop on the beat!

Suzanne Heymann:

The grocery chain called to greet
The new meat vendor, just down the street.
Now the payment’s complete
Per the butcher’s receipt,
So he’ll mete out the meat when they meet.

Fred Bortz:

The President said in a tweet
“When Vladimir comes for a meet,
Flynn and I will be gushin’.
We love all things Russian
Like borscht, whether cabbage or beet.”

That story’s, of course, incomplete.
Flynn’s now gone from his comfortable seat,
And Spicer, that worm,
Has to spin it and squirm
While the press holds his feet to the heat.

I wish I could say this is sweet,
But revenge is not always a treat.
There’s no joy, I confess,
When our country’s a mess.
We’re living the pain of defeat.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BATTLE of the SEXES LIMERICK DIVISION)

Richard Campbell:

On Twitter, he’d woo and he’d ply ’er
With promises — things he would buy ’er.
But now that they’ve met,
She’s beset with regret.
It’s quite clear he’s a lecherous liar!

Dave Johnson:

While texting an amorous friend,
She shouldn’t have quickly hit “send.”
Because autofill wrote
That he looked like a goat
Which, alas, may have started the end.

Sharon Neeman:

She may well have invented the spark
That woke the world out of the dark,
But although she’s gone far,
Men still look at her car
And assume she can’t parallel park.

Dave Johnson:

A couple quite often would fight
In the morning, or later at night.
With no cuddles or pecks,
The one mention of sex:
“Screw you” as she turned out the light.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Meet or Meat or Mete at the end of any one line

Saturday, February 4th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Meet or Meat or Mete at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the Battle of the Sexes, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Battle of the Sexes-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 19, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 18, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

After coming in first at the meet,
The winner announced, “I am beat!”
This bewildered the crowd
Which, till then, had been wowed:
What victor proclaims his defeat?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (270)

Saturday, February 4th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

His horn-rims, bow tie and slicked hair
Are so retro that people just stare.
He’s been growing rotund-er,
Which leads me to wonder
How someone so round can be square.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special DISHONESTY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Dear Kelly Ann Conway: I swear
On my best day, I never would dare
To tap-dance like you,
Claiming something is true.
Admiringly yours,
— Fred Astaire.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, J Cosmo Newbery, Brian Allgar, Wendy Playter, Will T. Laughlin, Tim James,
Richard Campbell, Sharon Neeman, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (STARE/STAIR RHYME DIVISION)

Dave Johnson

She stood by the uppermost stair;
Then rode down the banister bare.
Her lover’s surmise
From the look in her eyes:
“She’s warming my dinner with care.”

J Cosmo Newbery:

When Godiva paraded, all bare,
The townsfolk agreed not to stare.
But temptation was steep,
And young Tom took a peep,
Then swore he’d just looked at her hair.

Brian Allgar:

When your gaze is a menacing stare,
And your small, piggy eyes seem to glare,
And your mouth is agape –
No, you’re not a Great Ape,
Just the POTUS they’re calling “Mein Herr”.

Wendy Playter:

A classic rock fan named Janelle
Went down to her basement, but fell.
Her Led Zeppelin flair
Was smashed on the stair,
And now it’s a stairway to hell.

Will T. Laughlin:

World leaders continue to stare
At the man with the ludicrous hair:
They find it bewild’rin’
That refugee children
Give Trump such a pants-wetting scare.

Tim James:

When he and his bride tied the knot
Their relations were frequent and hot.
They made love on the stair.
Standing up. In a chair.
The result: a bad back is his lot.

Richard Campbell:

The mountain path rose like a stair,
But it led to a grizzly bear’s lair.
What I did not foresee
Was that good-tasting me
Would become that damn bear’s dinner fare.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DISHONESTY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

Alternative facts are so crass!
Their users lack wit, sense and class —
But oh, how they’ll grieve
When the web that they weave
Trips them up and they fall on their (_|_)!

Tim James:

I suspect that Trump lies when he speaks
About Vlad and the lev’rage he seeks.
“Money, hookers and pee?
He’s got nothing on me!”
Pity Trump; he’s been damaged by leaks.

Kirk Miller:

Politicians have tried to disguise
Their false statements, a ploy I despise.
They’re not alternate facts
Or fake news. Each distracts
From the truth. They are just simply lies!

Will T. Laughlin: (Be sure to click on his line 5 link for the translation and Russian pronunciation.)

“Mr. Trump? We have all heard you bellow
That you don’t enjoy showers of yellow.
But the truth must be told:
Are you Russian-controlled?”
Said Trump: “это не твое дело!”

Sharon Neeman:

Trumpty Dumpty, he ran on a wall;
He said Mexico’d pay, I recall —
But that orange-haired liar
Set OUR pants on fire
By making us pay for it all.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STARE or STAIR at the end of any one line

Sunday, January 22nd, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STARE or STAIR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DISHONESTY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DISHONESTY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 5, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 4, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow will frequently stare
At people as if they are bare.
When informed this is lewd
And unbearably crude,
He’ll retort rather rudely: “Don’t care!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (269)

Sunday, January 22nd, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to JESSE LEVY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A broom and his buddy, a mop
Decided that all crime should stop.
The broom did quite well;
Swept out felons pell mell.
But the mop was a flop as a cop.

Congratulations to RICHARD CAMPBELL, who wins the Special BLUES-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

My whole life, fate has thrown me the screws.
All that helps now is drugs, broads, and booze.
Don’t get up before noon;
Drift saloon to saloon.
I sure got me them old 12-bar blues.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Reddekopp, Suzanne Heymann, Craig Dykstra, Konrad Schwoerke, Dave Johnson, Sue Dulley, Tim James, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“COP” RHYME DIVISION)

David Reddekopp:

There once was a frisky old fop.
For a whore he decided to shop.
So this horny old heel
First tried copping a feel,
’Til he found he was feeling a cop.

Suzanne Heymann:

She thought a low neck line was hotter
If, when speeding, police finally caught her.
Sure enough, soon a cop
Made her zooming car stop,
But what made this a flop – she’s his daughter!

Craig Dykstra:

Wrote a verse that I think coulda won it,
But immediately after I’d run it,
Mad the “Limerick Cop”
Said my rhyme was a flop
Just ’cause someone had already done it!

Konrad Schwoerke:

While selling my lucrative crop,
A policeman enjoined me to stop.
“Sure, I know it’s legit,
But you soon won’t have shit,
And I must be off duty to cop.”

Dave Johnson:

If I were a history cop,
I’d hold up my hand and yell “Stop!”
We’re about to embark
On a horrible lark,
With a carnival huckster on top.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BLUES LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sue Dulley:

A limerick’s not like the Blues.
No, a limerick’s not… I can’t use
The same words for line two
As line one. If I do,
It’s a ruse Mad won’t choose to excuse.

Suzanne Heymann:

If music’s a hobby you choose,
Stay on key and please lay off the booze!
But if you keep on flinging
Bad notes, I’ll be bringing
You pain till you’re singing the blues.

Tim James:

If you suffer sometimes from the blues
Don’t try drugs, promiscuity, booze.
Take a tip from my wife:
For those low points in life,
Nothing helps like a new pair of shoes.

Brian Allgar:

The Republicans used to be blue
And the Democrats red. So what’s new?
With the Democrats dead
And Republicans red,
We are all feeling blue through and through.

Tim James, for his Acrostic Limerick:

On Election Day, many were blue.
But take comfort, for this is what’s true:
Although Donald’s an ass,
Mr. O’s act is class
And he’s shown what a good man can do.

Konrad Schwoerke:

The work is depressing at zoos,
So I often go home with the blues.
And it’s getting more bleak,
For example, last week,
We received really terrible gnus.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: COP at the end of any one line

Sunday, January 8th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using COP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the blues, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best blues-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 22, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 21, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

“I’m compelled to write lim’ricks. Can’t stop!
“I keep popping out rhymes till I drop.
“When I drive they continue
“To spew from each sinew…”
“What a screwball excuse!” said the cop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Resolution Suggestion (Limerick)

Sunday, January 1st, 2017

If your past resolutions seem old
And you’d like one that’s novel and bold,
You could vow to spend time
With more wordplay and rhyme…
And to enter the contests I hold.

My Limerick-Off challenges are always the top post on this page.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGN at the end of any one line

Saturday, December 24th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SIGN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RESOLUTIONS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RESOLUTIONS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 8, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 7, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When a gal asked a guy, “What’s your sign?”
He responded, “You’re way out of line!
“Don’t be nosy,” he cried.
“You just blew it,” she sighed.
No one scores with that Scorpio whine.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line

Saturday, December 10th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PARTIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PARTY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 25, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 24, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here are my two sample limericks:

I never get shots for the flu.
It’s just something I don’t like to do;
I’m convinced they won’t work,
And I’ll feel like a jerk
When succumbing to germs from the queue.

and

I’m hoping you won’t misconstrue
This as telling you what you should do:
Our abode smells of smoke,
Which isn’t a joke.
Did you choke off our fireplace flue?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (266)

Saturday, December 10th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

I know you’ve been naughty, not nice,
By indulging your energy vice.
My traditional role
Is to leave you some coal,
But you’d burn it and there goes the ice.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SHOPPING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

On Black Friday they heeded the call
To Go Buy! They jammed in, wall-to-wall.
Trampling, mayhem and fights
Are the ample delights
Of tradition: The Great Shopping Maul.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Robert Schechter, Brian Allgar, Suzanne Heymann, Jeanine Silverio, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, Wendy Playter, Linda Ann Nickerson, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“ICE” RHYME DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
But they carry a very high price.
Funding’s frozen and they
Say expect a delay,
So the architect’s put it on ice.

Robert Schechter:

An Eskimo asked, “What advice
Would you give me to help me entice
A woman in Gnome
To come into my home?”
I said, “You must first break the ice.”

Brian Allgar:

If your wife asks for helpful advice
About jeans she’s just purchased, think twice.
“Do they make me look fat?”
“Only slightly.” Then, splat!
Now I’m soothing my eye with some ice.

Suzanne Heymann:

I once had a head full of lice,
And a friend said, “Just freeze ’em with ice.
Simply stick your whole head
On the Knik River bed.”
Now I’m buried and dead. (Great advice!)

Jeanine Jamero Silverio:

For you couples all looking to spice
Up your love life, well here’s some advice:
Think your wife’s down to earth
And cares not for net worth?
She’ll get hot for two carats of ice.

Konrad Schwoerke:

My mail-order bride wasn’t nice.
Said my legerdemain was a vice,
And magicians are lame,
So I’m hardly to blame
For turning the bitch into ICE.

Tim James:

A plumber tried breaking the ice
With the lady next door. She was nice,
And she made her needs plain.
So he snaked out her drain.
She was thoroughly satisfied. Twice.

Wendy Playter:

A mob boss named Sugary Ned
Liked baked goods and one day he said,
“It would be very nice
If this cake got some ice!”
(And later the cake turned up dead.)

Robert Schechter:

When you die, if you pay a high price
They avow they will put you on ice
And thaw you someday
The moment that they
Are able, so you can live twice.

But don’t bother, my friend. I will bet you
There’s little this process will net you,
For even if they
Could cure you someday
It’s more likely by far they’d forget you.

Linda Ann Nickerson:

My neighbor’s demeanor’s like ice.
He gives answers unkind, imprecise.
He’ll stop, stand, and stare
With nary a care,
And he won’t take his own bad advice.

When pigs fly, he’ll pick up his trash,
And he may even burn up his stash.
The scents from his deck
Bounce like a bad check,
So daily our teeth we do gnash.

And still, as he passes, I wave,
But hope he’ll go back in his cave.
He won’t be ignored,
For he’s head of the Board,
So all of us have to behave.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOPPING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

The shop-lifting queen often gloats
Of the number of items she totes.
“I’m thin before thieving,
But fat when I’m leaving –-
Five sweaters, four skirts, and three coats.”

Dave Johnson:

They ordered a fancy new phone
Delivered by Amazon drone.
The service was fast,
But left them aghast;
Their chimney’s a dropping-off zone.

Suzanne Heymann:

Have you ever seen some woman shopping,
While her man tags along with store-hopping?
He’s there holding her bags,
While she tries on new rags.
On and on he just lags without stopping!

How about, at the end of the day,
She should let him just have his own way;
He will tell her, “I dare
You to put on and wear
Just your birthday suit there on display!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ICE at the end of any one line

Sunday, November 27th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using ICE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHOPPING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHOPPING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 11, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 10, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I’m a klutz who used FIGURE skates twice.
Would I try again? Never! No dice!
I kept fretting I’d fall,
Hit the wall, and then sprawl,
As I skated on very thin ice.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (265)

Sunday, November 27th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

My smartphone, though lightweight and small,
Has thousands of ‘apps’; got them all —
Facebook, Twitter, TV …
But it’s too smart for me,
For I’ve never worked out how to call.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special ANXIETY-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick:

Anxiety hangs like a pall
Round the world, as it grips one and all.
Other nations ask why
We would vote for that guy.
(I hear Canada’s building a wall.)

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special THANKSGIVING-Themed Limerick Award for this clever limerick:

We’ve elected a hideous elf,
Who’s pushing us off of the shelf.
It’s suddenly clear
For Thanksgiving next year,
This turkey will pardon himself.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Diane Groothuis, Sue Dulley, Brian Allgar, Wendy Playter, Tim James, Suzanne Heymann, Jeanine Silverio, Dave Johnson, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “CALL” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ANXIETY LIMERICKS)

Marty Gerendasy:

High anxiety’s what I would call
The bad feeling I’m getting this fall.
’Cause the stakes are so high,
It’s for sure do or die;
We could find ourselves climbing the wall.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CALL” A-RHYME DIVISION)

Diane Groothuis:

Cinderella received a nice call
Inviting her out to a Ball,
But found it alarming
On seeing Prince Charming
In pants with no ball-room at all.

Sue Dulley:

Black bears sometimes pay me a call
In spring and in summer and fall.
So I wonder if they
Might be willing to pay
If this winter I build a great wall.

Brian Allgar:

The young hooker who answered his call
Said “Well, Donald, I’m willin’ to ball,
But you claim that your peter
Is more than a metre,
So why can’t I find it at all?”

Wendy Playter:

A muscular lass from St. Paul
Enlisted to answer the call.
She said, “Though this rifle
Is no little trifle,
My guns are the biggest of all!”

Tim James:

When she cries, men fall into her thrall;
It’s a powerful, strange siren call.
So why’s her heart breaking?
It isn’t. She’s faking.
It’s all just a masquerade bawl.

HONORABLE MENTION (“CALL” B-RHYME DIVISION)

Suzanne Heymann:

Mother Nature, who knocks at my door
Knows the strength of my bladder is poor;
If I don’t rise at all
To go answer her call,
She will soil my pants to the core!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ANXIETY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James: (Be sure to read Tim’s asterisked comment right below his limerick.)

His anxiety led him astray,
And he bungled his very first lay.*
He pumped hard and too fast,
So he just couldn’t last
While conducting the choir that way.

* Tim James explains: “A lay is a ballad or narrative poem set to music. What did you think I meant?”

Jeanine Silverio:

I’m so shy and with women I worry,
I can’t speak and my sight becomes blurry.
But I met a coquette.
(She is just like a pet!)
We can bark, howl and mate. (She’s a Furry!)

HONORABLE MENTIONS (THANKSGIVING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

This Thanksgiving, we might sit and chat;
Or maybe we’ll go to the mat.
It’s something we dread;
If old Uncle Fred
Shows up with that God-awful hat.

Jeanine Jamero Silverio

On Thanksgiving, I vow to be grateful,
For my husband, our boys and this plateful.
I pray that they thrive,
Love and hope kept alive,
In a world that’s becoming more hateful.

Konrad Schwoerke:

At Thanksgiving, I’m cranberry boss.
I abominate canned berry dross.
Why is mine so damned dandy?
Fresh berries and brandy
Give new meaning to hitting the sauce.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CALL. UPDATED WITH NEW DEADLINE AND TWO NEW LIMERICK OPTIONS.

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

IMPORTANT UPDATE: THE NEW DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 26. WINNERS LIST WILL BE POSTED ON NOVEMBER 27. YOU MAY ALSO WRITE THANKSGIVING-THEMED LIMERICKS AND/OR LIMERICKS WITH “CALL” AS THE B-RHYME, INSTEAD OF THE A-RHYME.

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CALL at the end of ANY LINE. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANXIETY or THANKSGIVING using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present extra awards for the best ANXIETY and THANKSGIVING-related limericks.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 27, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 26, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman was having a ball
As she answered the Democrats’ call;
She was cleaning the clock
Of a fellow who’d mock
And impugn for no reason at all.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (264)

Saturday, October 29th, 2016

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

He poured her a very nice Cab,
But she didn’t drink any, or gab.
And the sex later flopped:
When he poked her, she popped.
It’s no fun when the gal is pre-fab.

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special FRUIT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“Would you care for an apple?” she cooed.
He didn’t. But not to be rude,
He took a small bite.
God forgave him? Not quite.
Our merciful Lord came unglued.

God raged, and his anger was vicious.
He said what they did was pernicious!
But Adam told Eve,
“Well, I guess we must leave,
But boy was that apple delicious!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Brian Allgar, Steve Earp, Sue Dulley, Robert Schechter, Kirk Miller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CAB” RHYME DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

Said the doctor to Barney McNabb,
“Your results have come back from the lab.
Your ataxia’s worse.”
Barney turned to the nurse:
“Did the doctor just call me a cab?”

Brian Allgar:

“I can’t go to the ball, I’m so drab!”
“Don’t worry, dear – Abracadab!”
With a soft, swishing sound
Cinderella was gowned,
And the pumpkin transformed to a cab.

Steve Earp:

Said a girl Trump attempted to grab,
“Get your hands off and call me a cab.”
On encircling her waist
With bravado misplaced,
He was floored by her brutal left jab.

Sue Dulley:

On too many a cold marble slab
In a med school anatomy lab
With a tag on its toes
Lies another of those
Who refused to go home in a cab.

Robert Schechter:

My mother says, “Don’t pick a scab.”
“If you’re drunk, do not drive. Call a cab.”
And she tells Donald Trump,
“When you see a nice rump,
Remember: just look, do not grab!”

Will T. Laughlin:

“I’m drunk,” muttered Rita to Mab,
“You should probably get me a cab.”
Mab, pouring more wine,
Said, “A Cab would be fine,
But this Chardonnay, honey, is fab!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FRUIT LIMERICK DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

I’ll make money. How hard could it be
To grow fruit upon many a tree?
So an orchard I bought,
But the profits were naught.
’Twas a fruitless endeavor for me.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

My body is shaped like a pear.
At other girls’ chests guys would stare.
But I watched their boobs drop,
While mine stayed on top.
Sometimes life does end up being fair.

Tim James:

Out in public the guy was a brute,
And his legions of fans followed suit.
Grabbing privates? That’s lewd.
Though I hate to waste food,
One response crossed my mind: throwing fruit.

Suzanne Heymann:

Cherimoya and Damson and Jambul
And the Salak may seem like a gamble.
There’s the Longan, the Nance–
Go ahead, take a chance.
But you’re wondering, why do I ramble?

The Satsuma will cleanse, not pollute,
And the Yuzu, which smells nice to boot.
All these, plus Rambutan
Don’t have any gluten,
For each of these words is a fruit!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CAB at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Sunday, October 16th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CAB at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRUIT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRUIT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Oct 30, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 29, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A garrulous gadfly would gab,
Driving ev’ryone nuts as he’d blab.
People longed to be spared
The critiques that he aired,
En route to their flights in his cab.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!