Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 1, 2024)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:
The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.
And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:
You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.
You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Advice Humor, Advice Limerick, Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Deceit Humor, Deceit Limerick, Emotions, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Music Humor, Music Limerick, Oboe Humor, Oboe Limerick, Oboe Reeds, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
The alibi
I know you see my pants are ripped
OK I admit that I slipped
It hit me so hard
I let down my guard
Yes, this is the glass that I sipped.
Mary’s Television Interview: “Tell Us About The 1950’s”
“Well, I never gave teachers “the lip”
In the 50’s that sure wasn’t hip.
I wore starched collared shirts
With full circle skirts
Under each one, a crinoline slip.”
Thomas’s Television Interview: “Tell Us About The 1950’s”
Well, I never gave teachers the lip.
In the 50’s that sure wasn’t hip.
My nickname was Tom.
I slept with my mom.
Who, each night wore a Freudian slip.
A large sign on a pub in South Wales,
Shows a submarine with purple sails.
The pub’s called The Ship
But the sign says The Slip
‘cause the painter had had a few ales
‘Tis true that there’s many a slip
‘Twixt the full-flowing cup and the lip.
But you can still drink
If you just pause to think
When handed the cup – get a grip.
I play a dark gypsy guitar.
I’m romantic and cool and bizarre.
Yet I play a few chords
and instead of rewards
I get booted right out of the bar.
Deceit; on whose part?
“I’m with child,” cried a girl from Schenectady.
“Is the father pleased?” “Well, I expect he’ll be,”
Said her husband. “Of course
This means a divorce –
It’s a year since my secret vasectomy”.
On a banana peeling he slipped
That caused him to have a large dipped
On the side of his leg
So, he had to beg
But it seemed like a movie scripted
There once was a mountaineer named Philip,
Whose love for adventure didn’t skip;
Up mountains he tripped,
But never once slipped;
For he was so light as a microchip .
The Office Party (Deceit)
The fries which were served had no crunch,
Which confirmed my continual hunch:
Although often said,
We all are misled.
In a pig’s eye, there ain’t no free lunch.
OMG, look what happened! He slipped!
Now he’s dug his own grave, his own crypt
That gravedigger’s demise
Will shock even the wise
But oh, what a fitting postscript!
*******
Oh, gee, my tush hurts! It’s a pip!
And worst of all is the pants rip!
There was no fruity peel
Lying under my heel
How was I to imagine I’d slip?
I feel like a silly old klutz.
My clumsiness just drives me nuts.
When I took a slip,
And fractured my hip,
On bones that were left by my mutts.
Said Trump, ”I know how to defeat
Joe Biden. I just have to cheat.
Fake electors I’ll send.
That I won, I’ll pretend.
Deceit will be sweet. Can’t compete.
Don’t scold me that I am obese.
When tense, I eat food, my release.
A bottle of dark ale,
And order of roast quail,
Will help make my waistline increase.
When to public speech you’ve been assigned,
Some say Brandy could just ease your mind.
It’s an I’ll-advised tip
Apt to beget a slip,
The most dreaded Freudian kind!
Deceit
If you don’t know which POTUS to choose
And unsure bout’ political views,
Do not be naive
And never believe
The principle known as “Fake News”
When to public speech you’ve been assigned,
Some say Brandy nips might ease your mind.
It’s an I’ll-advised tip
Apt to trigger a slip,
Of the most dreaded Freudian kind!
Slight modification of limerick #3, line 4
Thomas’s Interview: Tell Us About The 1950’s (Thomas is now 85)
“I never gave teachers the lip.
In the 50’s that sure wasn’t hip.
My nickname was Tom.
I killed dad. Slept with mom,
Who each night wore a Freudian slip.”
A young lady on the ice slipped
Her dress and her panties were ripped
Then showing she had class,
Wrapped the dress ’round her ass
Then pranced home, the problem was nipped.
This version corrects the incorrect auto-correct:
When to public speech you’ve been assigned,
Some say Brandy nips might ease your mind.
It’s an ill-advised tip
Apt to trigger a slip,
Of the most dreaded Freudian kind!
A courtesan touting in Buckie,
was real unexpectedly mucky!
From under her clobber
she’d pull out a knobber,
and call every customer “Duckie!”
“Bass Guitar Solo”
It was dark when I went for a walk.
All at once, I heard somebody stalk!
He played bass guitar.
Phew! He didn’t get far.
Because of the unified squawk.
When the front of my V-dub got clipped
The driver just said his foot slipped
But I knew it was fake
Cos sucking on “steak”
was his girlfriend then partially stripped.
Standing to solo the oboest made a slip
Her oboe bounced off the head of floutest Phlip
Then she leaped to her feet
Without missing a beat
Playing beautifully, ‘tho she had a fat lip.
An outlaw with vigor and pip
thought he gave America slip,
but charges amassing
made him think of haul-assing
but Russia had that bud pre-nipped!
Last winter I went on a trip
To Long Island. I fell, broke my hip.
One wrong step on the ice
Sent me down in a trice.
And the place where this happened? Islip.
Random word entry
Scary First Impression
Last evening just before dark,
I went swimming at Oceanside Park,
When a bottle-nosed dolphin
With a not very small fin
Swam by looking too much like a shark!
At least two of these words:
Bottle, Dark, Guitar, Release, Scold
A Girl’s Dream
A girl bought a brand new guitar
To sing songs she composed in a bar.
With a record released,
And her fan base increased,
She knew that her dreams would go far.
End one line with Slip or Slipped
Fruit Unbound
While rolling along at a clip
My grocery cart started to slip.
The fruit stand it jostled
Soon ended up toppled.
It’s lucky my goods didn’t flip.
Deceit theme
Granny Scam (3-Verse Limerick)
Hank’s family was frankly aghast
To hear what went down in the past.
Their life was a sham,
No more than a scam
To steal gamblers’ wagers, and fast.
It seems that their sweet little granny
Had placed a big bet in Miami.
Her ties to the mob
Made her ripe for the job
Of pulling a heist most uncanny.
She built others’ faith in a horse
That no one in truth could endorse.
After gaming the spread
Her horse won instead,
Living on in the annals of sports.
Scary First Impression
Last evening just before dark,
I went swimming at Oceanside Park,
When a bottle-nosed dolphin
With a pretty damn tall fin
Swam by looking too much like a shark!
My brain said; “Doug, keep it tight-lipped”
But there, once again, out it slipped –
Those words of advice!
Can my mobile device
Get an app that my mouth will encrypt?
This rhyme is designed to mislead,
Quite fraudulent as theme agreed.
Its total pretence
Makes no metrical sense;
You’re deceived, this isn’t a limerick.
The GUITAR player, grizzled and old,
Took a BOTTLE-neck, purists to SCOLD.
As he ravaged the strings,
His RELEASE gave him wings;
Now he lives where it’s DARK, as foretold.
Young Clark acted the mild-mannered guy,
But when feeling suppressed by the lie,
He would sneak off and slip,
Into phone booths and strip,
Down to long johns, then go for a fly.
There was an old farmer named Keys
Always scratching and quite ill at ease
Until one day, a slip,
Dunked him in the sheep dip –
Now he no longer suffers from fleas.
Plumbing 101
Cried a slip of a girl in a slip,
“My darling! You must get a grip!
I quite simply eschew
Having wild sex with you
Since your hose has a bothersome drip.”
So her young man then got a firm grip
And shouted, “I will stop this drip!
I will twist this faucet
And to stop I’ll force it.”
Then the slip of a girl dropped her slip.
I said I loved his hips
When we kissed on the lips
Turning our little discourse
Into a full intercourse
All because of a Freudian slip
Deceit – A Happy Ending
A country boy fresh from the sticks
Was preyed upon by street-wise slicks;
Though conned out of some bucks
He enjoyed the last yuks
When he sold the film rights to Netflix.
I tried to trick our dog to eat
A licorice jelly bean wrapped in meat
Spitting out the candy
While devouring the baloney
His eyes said, who you trying to cheat?
Asked to” loosen” and “just let it rip,”
Trish agreed; then, when making a quip
‘Bout her mom, she said “trauma”
When she meant to say “mama”–
An obvious Freudian slip.
I simply no longer am buying
The bull you are dishing. You’re lying!
Your conduct’s disgraceful.
You claim to be faithful
I know that’s a lie; I’ve been spying.
When Bob’s stressed, he heads straight for the bottle
For release; otherwise, he might throttle
His wife. (She is old,
And a cold, nagging scold.
Booze prevents Bob’s resort to the glottal.)
“Your nipple was nipped while you kipped”
He explained as she woke, “my hand slipped.”
She noticed the fool
Had exposed his long tool,
So she grabbed it and quickly re-zipped!
Eine Kleine Quartet in the park,
Playing Mozart one night after dark,
Heard a hound, just released,
Bound away un-policed,
Then a faint distant scream, with some Bach.
From her mind it regrettably slipped
That her birth control shouldn’t be skipped.
It caused her a fright,
But it turned out all right.
Next week, though, her man’s getting snipped.
Barbra figured her date was a drip,
When he awkwardly asked her to strip.
He explained with a flair,
“I adore underwear!”
She decided to give him the slip.
Revise- In a slip, I left off last quotation mark.
Said Trump, ”I know how to defeat
Joe Biden. I just have to cheat.
Fake electors I’ll send.
I won, I’ll pretend.
Deceit will be sweet. Can’t compete.”
My Music Teacher’s Rant:
“I must scold you; you’ll never get far!
You sure won’t be a musical star!
Play in the right key!
Charlie, please heed my plea:
Don’t play tenor sax on your guitar.”
Next Version: The Continuing Rant Of The Music Teacher
“I must scold you; you’ll never get far!
You sure won’t be a musical star!
All your notes are too low.
What cha tryin’ to do?
Play tenor sax on your guitar?”
Oops! Rhyming Error. Correction
My Music Teacher’s Rant:
“I must scold you; you’ll never get far!
You sure won’t be a musical star!
All your notes are too low.
And by now you should know:
Don’t play tenor sax on your guitar!”
Deceit
After sex, we both smoke and relax.
Then I go to the kitchen for snacks.
And because I’m a klutz,
I dropped all of the nuts.
And found 25 strange empty packs.
Slip or Slipped at the end of one line
I’ll need from the doctor a slip
for I slipped and I fractured my hip
My plans for my travel
began to unravel
because of this unscheduled trip
Limerick related to Deceit
The plane was full, nary a seat
was available, it was replete
but I made like I was
the pilot’s first cuz.
and got my seat with this deceit.
Use at least two of these five random words:
Bottle, Dark, Guitar, Release, Scold
I was scolded for bringing a bottle
but the party was going full-throttle
The guitar played a riff
that was dark but terriff
and I yelled “Release the axolotl!”
Sobbed my wife: “I don’t know what to say.
You’ve deceived me; you’ve led me astray.
Our whole life has been lies
If you really like guys.”
“You misheard, dear. I said I’ve turned gray.“
Don’t bottle up all of your zest.
It’s crucial your passion’s expressed.
You don’t need to FRET.
And you’ll never regret
Your guitar is sure on of the best.
Better
“Explore New Sounds”
Don’t bottle up all of your zest.
It’s crucial your passion’s expressed.
There’s no need to FRET.
And you’ll never forget.
Your guitar is sure one of the best.
“Unmelodious Serenade”
He waited till dark to start crooning.
(A very sweet way of communing)
His guitar was off-key.
And I’m guessing that he
Never heard of the concept, called “tuning”
The Music Teacher’s Harangue: “That Nasty Buzz”
“Stop releasing; you need much more vigor!
Your problem could not be much bigger!
When guitars start to “buzz”
Apply pressure, becuz
The string will soon holler out, “Rigor!”
A sleight of hand acrobat quipped
‘Bout her raw naked act, as she slipped
‘Tween her lips just two coins,
Then produced twixt her groins
golden showers of coins when she flipped.
One shrewd bottled-up Genie would barter:
“Extra wishes I’ll grant, for a starter.
Plus, I’ll throw in world peace,
If you’ll give me release.
Now start rubbing a little bit harder!”
Mary Noclue Tells Her Mom:
“Oh Mama, you’re sure gonna’ flip!
I’m so blissful, I can’t get a grip!
Today, Mr. Ross
(My real hunky boss)
Gave me such an attractive pink slip.”
One morning while taking a dip
’twas raining so I had a slip
And just like a fool
fell into the pool
I’m lucky I’ve no broken hip.
My girlfriend was wearing a slip
So I quietly asked her to strip
and then we thought “screw it”
“why don’t we just do it”
but then she said “please double dip”
On the way out of the bar I slipped
I fell hard and my pants were ripped
The waiter looked sneaky
His water jug leaky
Perhaps I should have tipped
A Little-Known Fact About Abraham Lincoln (Deceit)
For a brief moment, Abe was our foe.
Then he made a “quick U turn”, although
He mused, “If you fool
ALL the people, (yet cruel)
Gee, how in the hell would they know?”
With his con to rob Peter complete,
His plan to pay Paul seemed so neat.
He did not realise
Paul’s a cop in disguise
Who brought to their meet, Pete’s receipt!
Are you one of the many folk who
Think God looks down upon you?
Is it conceit
Or self-deceit?
Also add wishful thinking there too.
It seems that Congressman Drew
With his constituents always will screw.
Obviously, what we have here
Is deceit quite severe,
A liar and a cheat through and through.
Notwithstanding my previous deceit,
I’ve changed, and now I entreat
All you Nevada Hispanics
Undertake the mechanics
Of ensuring Joe Biden’s defeat.
Gravely close to a Walking Dead crypt,
One game stuntman (flamboyantly) slipped.
The Director said, “Damn,
I see we’ve got a ham.
Let’s write deli meat into the script.”
A Bus Driver’s Lament
There are 99 bottles of beer
On the wall. Now there’s one less, I hear.
On it goes without cease.
Will there be no release?
School bus duty gets worse every year.
An Orthodox mohel named Skip
was called in for a specialty snip.
For at eight days past birth,
sometimes length, sometimes girth
are so modest, a mohel can’t slip.
Deceit
In law school, I learned to be wise,
Yet this judgment was quite a surprise:
“Make use of pretense
Cuz the greatest defense
Is always a big pack of lies.”
I had a weird dream as i kipped,
In which Don had some flab to be flipped.
When he said “nip and tuck it”
The surgeon thought “Fuck it,
I’ll save the world; claim the knife slipped”
He strums his guitar for a lark
Most evenings there in the park.
His audience stays
Even after he plays
To roll in the grass after dark.
Found Pup’s leash that lights up in the dark;
Packed the collar that stifles a bark;
Water bottles; a treat….
Does he care that I’m beat?
No. To him it’s a walk in the park.
Reliable Insurance Company “Slip and Fall”
“Sorry Charlie, we can’t help at all.
But thanks anyway for your call.
You mentioned you slipped,
And you sure must have flipped.
But regretfully, you didn’t fall.”
Correction of Above Limerick: Reliable Insurance Company: “Slip and Fall”
“Sorry Charlie, we can’t help at all.
But thanks anyway for your call.
I’m sorry you slipped,
And you sure must have flipped.
YET regretfully, you didn’t fall.”
Count Drac, all fired up and well hung,
Pashed poor Mina whose praises he’d sung.
When she felt his grip slip
She bit into his lip.
He regretted his slip of the tongue.
A fellow would frequently cheat
On his wife. His defeat was complete
When she figured it out
And confronted the lout.
His reward: a hard kick in de seat.
The End Of My Love Affair (Deceit)
If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a saint.
And Mary Jane sure made me faint.
We would wait until dark
Then sit in the park.
Till the back of my pants said, “Wet Paint.”
It’s always been one of my fears
When a barber pulls out cutting shears.
I get scared he will slip
With those clippers that snip,
And I’ve grown rather fond of my ears.