Archive for April, 2011

It’s Royally Over!

Friday, April 29th, 2011

I’ve gotten several emails and Facebook messages asking me why I haven’t written a limerick or haiku about the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Here’s your answer:

It’s Royally Over!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve no int’rest in all the ado
Over wedding fetes royal. So sue!
I don’t care if some Brit
Who’s a prince will commit
To a commoner. Boring! So shoo!

A Couple On The Move

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

Whether it’s an Irish pub, a packed rock & roll bar, or a ballroom dance floor filled with Big Band Era seniors, hubby Mark and I will probably dance. Not well, mind you, but with great energy and enthusiasm.

We often attract attention and even compliments, accompanied undoubtedly by such thought balloons as “How do people that old dance so fast?” Or “I’m pretty sure my grandma can’t do that.” Or “What the hell is that woman doing on the men’s side of my synagogue?”

In case you’re wondering, yes we know we’re probably making a spectacle of ourselves. But we’re having fun and we simply don’t care.

Tomorrow, April 29th, is International Dance Day. So Happy International Dance Day, everyone! Here’s my latest limerick:

A Couple On The Move
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When my husband and I try to dance,
Some enjoy us and some look askance.
We’re inept, but enthused,
And don’t have to be boozed
To have rumba-like fun — that’s our stance.

You might also enjoy my We Don’t Think We Can Dance, But We Do It Anyway.

Macaronic Limerick

Monday, April 25th, 2011

First off, this limerick (despite its name) has nothing to do with macaroni. I’m not suffering from Passover pasta-withdrawal. Nor do my dreams (or nightmares) ever feature anything of a noodle nature.

So why the title? I just learned, from the delightfully informative Miss Rumphius, about the rare and usually comic form called macaronic verse. What the heck is macaronic verse? We’re told that it’s a usually absurd and nonsensical “poem in a mixture of two languages, one of them preferably Latin,” and that “the poet usually subjects one language to the grammatical laws of another to make people laugh.”

So naturally I had to try it, mixing legal terms (mostly Latin) in with standard limerick English:

Macaronic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The corpus is AWOL. Oh my!
I attest that I left it hereby.
What a bona fide mess.
My mentis has stress.
It’s de facto I mortemed that fly.

(Linked at We Write Poems pairings prompt.)

Argumentative Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, April 24th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus three Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who loved a good fight…

or

A fellow who loved a good fight…

Here’s mine:

Argumentative Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who loved a good fight
Would argue from morning till night.
She did it for sport
And she did it in court
Where her favorite word was “indict.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (6)

Sunday, April 24th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and three Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND who wins Limerick of the Week for this very amusing verse:

A gal with a very long name
Had one quirk when she stoked a man’s flame:
Full names she desired
So lovers required
Phonetical flair when they came.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Elaine Spall, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

VerseBender:

A guy with a very long name
Made quite a remarkable claim:
I’ve a tattoo concealed
That is only revealed
When ladies consent to inflame.

Elaine Spall:

A guy with a very long name
As a Doc, earned a quick rise to fame.
So sad, the essentials
Of all his credentials
Could not be contained in a frame.

Scott Crowder:

A guy with a very long name,
was playing a dangerous game,
with the West and Mossad,
Ahmed-din-a-zhod,
may soon set the Mid-East aflame.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Digital Impasse

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

Digital Impasse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My brain is packed with secret codes
To access all my stuff,
Like bank accounts and sundry cards.
Recalling them is rough.

I pay my bills online and need
A PIN for each of those.
My website has a password too,
Protecting verse and prose.

These letters, numbers, symbols mix
In ways to stave off theft.
We’re warned to make them quite complex,
Defeating hackers deft.

We’re also cautioned, “Vary them.
Don’t make your codes the same.
A thief gets hold of only one —
You’re screwed and you’re to blame.”

So ciphers clutter up my mind.
I dare not write them down.
With paper bearing secrets dear,
A thief could go to town.

I’m forced to hide them in my brain —
A codified morass,
Despite my fear that one day soon
They’ll flee my mind en masse.

(Prompted by secrets at Poets United.)

Half-Baked Housewife

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Squeezing three specific words into a limerick can be a daunting challenge. But Three Word Wednesday wants poems using cleanse, knead, and melt. Its wish is my command:

Half-Baked Housewife
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m lousy at baking and kneading
And the same goes for cooking and feeding.
I melt when I cleanse
And it gives me the bends.
Am I awful at housework? Conceding.

Creative Keys

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

Creative Keys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When you’re whipping your verse into shape
And are caught in a verse-challenged scrape,
The delete key is handy.
Assisted by brandy,
And last, but not least, try escape.

(Prompted to escape)

Nameless Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal with a very long name…

or

A guy with a very long name…

Here’s mine:

Nameless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal with a very long name
Desired celebrity fame.
Oh to have a huge halo
Like Oprah and J.Lo —
And be crowned a one-moniker dame.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (5)

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions (four single verse limericks and one multiverse limerick.)

Congratulations to David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet,
When asked what she wanted to eat,
Attracted a crowd
While enthusing aloud
How she savored the taste of jerked meat.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) VerseBender, Tilly Bud, Stan Ski, Victoria Ceretto-Slotto, and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

VerseBender:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Was really quite full of deceit
For under her sweater
Was nature made better
(If you like the feel of concrete)

Tilly Bud:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Had a terrible hunger for meat.
She ate first her brother,
Dad, sister and mother,
Then polished off folk in her street.

Stan Ski:

A girl who seemed guileless and sweet
Wrote a note on a boat in the Fleet
‘Dear Captain…’ she penned
‘Our romance must end
First we meet, then you cheat… you’re dead meat…!’

Victoria Ceretto-Slotto:

A girl who seemed guileless and sweet
on an evening of simmering heat
declared “Life is a bore;
“there’s just got to be more.”
Now you’ll find her out working the street.

Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
For her fiancé judge, planned a treat:
Into chambers she barged
Purring, “Guilty, as charged!”
Doffed her raincoat, ensemble complete.

He inquired, “You a perp or a vic?”
Grinned and stretched: “Well, we’d better be quick!”
Silken strides, no words uttered:
Quite impressed, the judge muttered,
“Something tells me those charges won’t stick.”

Then doors opened to Counsel (Opposing):
“Whoops, Judge, I had thought you were dozing!”
The couple froze, glaring;
He leered, “Thanks for sharing
Your pairing: A coup for my closing!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. There were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best six was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Limerick Ode To Voicemail

Friday, April 15th, 2011

Limerick Ode To Voicemail
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear voicemail, I love and adore you.
And I’m puzzled by those who deplore you.
Oh, the charm of your voices
And all of those choices.
Wait, I’m lying — I really abhor you.

(Related Humor: The Outgoing Message I’d Love To (But Probably Shouldn’t) Leave On My Answering Machine (Limerick))

Tax Time, Already?

Thursday, April 14th, 2011

Tax Time, Already? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s tax time again — I’ve been lax.
Am I stalling? Oh yes, to the max.
Cuz I’d rather write verse
Than struggle and curse
Over taxing mathematical facts.

(You can find lots more of my money and tax humor columns and verse here.)

Attention Must Be Paid

Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Here’s my limerick and haiku prompted by this attention prompt and this challenge to write about writing:

Attention Must Be Paid
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I find paying attention’s a pain.
A-D-D makes it rather a drain.
I’m drifting right now.
Lost in thought? Yes, and how!
Which is why this short story’s inane.

*****

Must pay attention
to pretentious professor.
Can’t? Then pretend to.

*****

Befuddled Limerick

Monday, April 11th, 2011

A fellow was feeling befuddled
Cuz he yearned for one thing — to be cuddled.
But he only got quickies
Or sometimes mere hickeys.
It appears that his message was muddled.

(Prompted by Befuddled)

Guileless Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus five Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet…

or

A guy who seemed guileless and sweet…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verser will be fine, of course.)

Guileless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
And consistently easy to beat,
Was exploited each day
Both at work and at play.
But she did have one weapon — the tweet.

That gal, it turns out, was quite bitter
And exacted revenge using Twitter.
Her micro remarks
Caused embarrassing sparks.
What a fabulous gossip emitter!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (4)

Sunday, April 10th, 2011

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. Choosing the winners was a big challenge because we had a record number of really good submissions. So I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and five Honorable Mentions (four for single verse limericks and one for multiverse limericks.)

Congratulations to Elaine Spall who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever, amusing verse:

A woman was fit to be tied.
Could not lose the weight though she tried.
Then she said “Better buy it,
This new “Alarm” diet,
A fridge that said “ACCESS DENIED.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Scott Crowder, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Catherine Palmer and Patrice Stewart a/k/a Patrice of the ManyCats for their delightful limericks:

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A fellow was fit to be tied:
“How the food makers subtly misguide!
While the price has held steady
Per box of spaghetti,
There’s not as much noodle inside.”

Scott Crowder:

A fellow was fit to be tied,
At his failure to be certified.
The doc looked at his brain,
Told the judge he was sane,
And the fellow was fit to be tried.

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A fellow was fit to be tied
On hearing these words from his bride:
“If you’re planning to hang
With your old drunken gang
I’ve a rope I’ll be glad to provide.”

Catherine Palmer:

A man who was fit to be tied
Was mad at his beautiful bride.
She took out a saddle.
Then threatened a paddle
if he didn’t agree to a ride!

Patrice of the ManyCats:

A fellow was fit to be tied
Viewing pics that displayed his backside:
He was naked (big deal)
But bemoaned each huge meal,
For he clearly was less tall than wide.

But determined to locate a mate,
He conversed with a promising date
‘Til she saw his webpage,
Guessed his height, weight, and age
And refused further contact ~ cruel Fate.

Then inclined to decline dates and mope,
He was tempted to give up all hope.
Would all women pass? Yet
Fresh thoughts of his asset
Provided a way he could cope.

He posted, “Pull Over – Wide Load!
Sweet, snuggly, with gorgeous abode.
I’ll rock you each night,
It’ll be outta sight!
I’m a doctor.” (His stethoscope showed.)

He sat back as responses flowed in,
Then he read hers: aah, Angel of Sin.
She was smart, lovely, built.
His libido went Tilt!
Now they bare it all nightly, and grin.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. As I said, there were so many good ones, narrowing them down to the best limericks was quite a challenge.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

Nigh Not Nearly My Forte

Saturday, April 9th, 2011

Today I have a bit of fun with two pairs of synonyms:

The words nigh and near
synonyms, and yet just one
sizzles and sings.

Near merely describes,
while the soaring nigh evokes —
close but no cigar.

But don’t pity near
it verbs — something nigh can’t do.
This verse now burned out.

*****

Metier, I hear,
is a forte synonym.
What a grand duo —
one traded for the other —
pianometier music.

*****

(Pompted by nigh from Haiku Heights and Weekend Theme’s metier.)

Itching For Another Acrostic Limerick

Friday, April 8th, 2011

After my first fun foray into acrostic limericks, I just had to try another:

Itching For Another Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bemoaning his itchy, red bites,
Undone by his sleep-deprived nights,
Gerard said, “No more!
Going out to the store.
You mosquitoes have earned your last rites.”

(More bug related poems here.)

Update: A case of insect revenge? Right after posting this, I noticed that my left foot was itchy and discovered my first mosquito bite of the season.

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Wedded To Acrostics (Acrostic Limerick)

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

I’ve never written an Acrostic poem before, let alone an Acrostic Limerick. But writing this was fun, in a mind-puzzle kind of way.

Now if I understand the basic acrostic rules, the first letter of each line must spell out whatever your poem is about. Acrostic Only has a lot more info and a generous assortment of acrostic prompts.

Wedded To Acrostics (Acrostic Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Enlarging our guest list again?
Let me see it,” said bride-to-be Gwen.
“Oh no! What a slew!
Pa, this simply won’t do!
Eloping tomorrow, at ten.”

*****

Author’s Note: I updated this post to change line five’s first word from “Eloping” to “Escaping.” Any thoughts on which one is better? I can’t decide. Thanks!

Update: Thanks to feedback here and on Facebook, I changed it back to “Eloping” and also got rid of the bold first letters. Thanks everyone!

Update 2: I’ve changed the title, so as to not give the game away.

Face Time (Haiku)

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.

*****

Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.

*****

(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)