Posts Tagged ‘Physical Appearance’

“No Bra Day” Ode

Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

“No Bra Day” Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Today is “No Bra Day.” Oh my!
But just ONE braless day? Won’t comply
With the custom of binding
Our breasts. I’m not minding
Those rules. I declare, “Let them fly!”

UPDATE: In addition to being celebrated on July 9th, No Bra Day is also celebrated on October 13.

(For more bra humor, here’s my Wonderbra Song Parody.)

Bald Limerick

Friday, September 13th, 2013

Happy “Bald Is Beautiful Day.” (September 13)

Bald Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A hot woman was very enthralled
With a man who was totally bald.
It wasn’t his smarts
Or his charm or his parts,
But the central AC he’d installed.

Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.

Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.

Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?

Vacuous Limerick

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

Vacuous Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A vacuous gal who was vain
Had little upstairs, in the main.
But her body earned stares;
Men admired her wares,
Overlooking her thought-impaired brain.

(You can find more vain limericks here and body-related verse here.)

Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)

Friday, January 11th, 2013

Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.

I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:

Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!

Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.

We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.

Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!

With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.

This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?

Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.

(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)

Nobby Limerick

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:

Nobby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A chic woman arrived in the lobby
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.
But its nobby couture
Held for her no allure:
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.

UPDATE: October 22 is National Knee Day.

Well-Endowed Limerick

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Well-Endowed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man got a look at the titty
Of the well-endowed, lovely Miss Kitty
And imagined his life
With that gal as his wife
In his harem at Casa de Mitty.

(With apologies to James Thurber)

Preening Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, September 2nd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who tended to preen…*

or

A woman who tended to preen…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Preening Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who tended to preen
Looked great (so he thought) wearing green.
But the shady, base boor
Had no hint of allure,
Cuz clothing can’t camouflage mean.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Explanation (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, August 12th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was asked to explain…*

or

A fellow was asked to explain…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was asked to explain
Why she liked taking walks in the rain.
“I’ve been told I look better
As I became wetter.”
‘Twas a snow job — she soaked up in vain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Slippery Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who just let it slip…

or

A woman who just let it slip…

Here’s mine:

Slippery Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who just let it slip
That his wife got a tuck and a nip
Threw their marriage off course
And was sued for divorce.
Maybe next time he’ll zip up his lip.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To The Derrière

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Limerick Ode To The Derrière
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whatever you call a behind,
Be it fanny or tush, I don’t mind.
Ass will do just as well.
Rump and buttocks are swell,
Just so long as they work as designed.

Limerick Poseur

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

Limerick Poseur
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guy who was quite over-sexed
Stood posing, his muscles all flexed.
With eyes that undressed him
She stared, then assessed him:
“You’ve got to be kidding! Who’s next?”

Face Time (Haiku)

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Flutist misses cue.
Conductor settles the score.
Time to face music.

*****

Botoxified face,
once intelligent with age,
now frozen wasteland.

*****

(Face prompt from Theme Thursday)

Vain Limerick

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was terribly vain…

Here’s mine:

Vain Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was terribly vain
Was obsessed with his looks on the wane.
He considered a nip
And a tuck, but did zip.
Said “I haven’t got time for the pain.”

(My apologies to Carly Simon.)

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Naked Pleasures

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

If you’re reading this, you probably enjoy limerick challenges. So I wanted to make sure you knew about Patrick McGuire’s weekly Unfinished Limerick Contests.

Essentially, Patrick provides part of a limerick — anywhere from two to four lines — and asks you to finish it. And he even declares an actual winner.

They’re lots of fun, and I’m pleased to report that I just won his 24th contest. In that poetry challenge, Patrick provided the first two lines and I added the last three. Here’s the resulting limerick:

I am not really much of a prude
And on other folks’ joys don’t intrude.
No, I’d never play god,
But this one thing seems odd:
Why do folks with bad bods sunbathe nude?

UPDATE: I’m guessing these people have an extra good time on National Nude Day, celebrated each year on July 14th.

Hairy Limerick

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was youngish, yet gray…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Hairy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was youngish, yet gray,
Considered a dye job one day,
But was coloring wary.
(It struck her as hairy.)
She refused, to her mother’s dismay.

Her mom said, “It’s time for some dye,
Else you’ll look even older than I.
And I can not afford
An old daughter — good lord —
If I want to attract a new guy.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!