Archive for May, 2017

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RIDE/DERIDE at the end of any one line

Saturday, May 13th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RIDE/DERIDE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SNOBBISHNESS using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SNOBBISHNESS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 28, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 27, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A man who has gripes with his bride
Decided to let them all ride;
She has talents in bed
And is rich (so she said.)
But he soon will see red, cuz she lied.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (277)

Saturday, May 13th, 2017

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A sly shopkeep, a baker by trade,
Had a helper, a doughy young maid.
On his bread-making bench,
He defloured the wench,
“I was kneading,” he said, “to get laid.”

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special Intelligence-Themed Limerick Award for this clever, multi-versed limerick:

As Presidents go, I’m so smart.
My brain power sets me apart.
It’s true that my thinkin’s
More bigly than Lincoln’s.
I belong at the top of the chart.

Fake media call me bombastic.
They’re wrong, folks. You know I’m fantastic.
So let’s have some fun.
I’ll call up Kim Jung Un.
I’ll threaten to do something drastic.

I’m the best when it comes to deflection
Away from that Russian connection.
Though it’s not really bad
To be palling with Vlad,
I’ll give them that old misdirection.

My intelligence keeps me ahead.
Keep ’em guessing. Make sure they’re misled.
Every day, a new story.
That’s Trump’s shining glory.
Now who can I quote that is dead?

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Fred Bortz, Konrad Schwoerke, Sue Dulley, and Jesse Levy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “MADE/MAID” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO INTELLIGENCE LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

The Intelligence chiefs were dismayed;
The Commander was planning a raid.
“Where’s Korea?” he mumbled,
Then cursed as he fumbled –
“My little red button’s mislaid!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MADE/MAID” RHYME DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

“It’s May Day! I’m off now,” cried Jade,
“To dance and disport in the glade.”
Said her mom, to her sorrow,
“No, May Day’s tomorrow;
It’s April” — and Jade was dis-Mayed.

Tim James

The bordello he chose was top-grade,
The amenities worth all he paid.
There was wi-fi for free,
Comfy bed, big TV,
And free cookies and cake, all ho-made.

Fred Bortz:

She was known for a role that she played,
A whip-cracking, dominant maid
Whose hard leather crop
Was not merely a prop
When the time came for her to be paid.

Konrad Schwoerke:

I expected a pro, not a maid.
“Lemme in if you wanna get laid.
This hotel is so snobby
Must sneak through the lobby—
That and you are just tricks of the trade.”

Sue Dulley:

A tragic mistake some have made
Is to enter a parking parkade
With no money or card
Which makes exiting hard –
You’re locked in by the guard ’til you’ve paid.

Brian Allgar, for his limerick entitled “An Immaculate Explanation”

Though pregnant, she tried to persuade
Her old husband she’d never been laid.
Many people believed
That a virgin conceived,
And thus a religion was made.

Sharon Neeman:

“Stay the night,” said the rake to the maid,
And, against her best judgment, she stayed.
“I won’t touch you,” he said —
But she woke in his bed,
Not only dis-maid, but betrayed.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (INTELLIGENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

There once was a fellow named Art
Whose IQ score was way off the chart.
After months watching Fox
Spew its stuff on the box
He’s a house plant — but not quite as smart.

Jesse Levy:

Does intelligence live in D.C.?
Well, no, not according to me.
The Prez is a putz,
And it’s driving me nuts
That he gets all his “facts” from TV!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!