Archive for the ‘Poetry Contest’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RACE or ERASE at the end of any one line

Saturday, March 9th, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RACE or ERASE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONDUCTORS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONDUCTOR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 24, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 23, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Though his conduct has been a disgrace,
He’s reformed and he hopes to erase
His transgressions from searches,
Cuz Google besmirches;
He’s harmed by each truth-telling trace.

And here’s my conductor limerick:

When audience members still cheer
A conductor whose meter’s unclear
And whose gestures and cues
Mislead and confuse,
Count on this: He looks cute from the rear.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (317)

Saturday, March 9th, 2019

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

He gave scullers a recommendation
That they ought to use synchronization
To improve their boat’s speed,
Because what rowers need
Is a great deal of co-oar-dination.

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the Special POULTRY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

My chicken was glum in her coop;
She was coughing and had a bad croup.
So we called Doc Elixir,
Who told us to fix’er
By giving her hot people soup.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Charles Simmons, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Lisi Nortman, Tim James, Victor Hood, John Shardlow, Thomas Vincent, Brian Allgar, Kat Irving, Michael Moulton, Jean McEwen, and David Friedman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED” RHYME DIVISION)

Charles Simmons:

A knight galloped up on his steed
To rescue a maiden in need.
But his horse hit a rut,
He lit on his butt,
And the fair damsel laughed till she peed.

Dave Johnson:

A baker’s assistant must heed
Instructions to get up to speed.
Now here’s my advice:
Be direct and concise;
Then give them the dough that they knead.

Fred Bortz:

My Prof warned, “There’s one thing you need
In order to be PhDed:
Your thesis committee
Must grill without pity.
It’s time that you be third-degreed.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

In “Defense Class” the ladies agreed
To follow the famed Kick-Box Creed:
“Keep real careful watch,
Go right for the crotch,
And make sure he is properly kneed.”

Tim James:

A guy with a strong carnal need
Told the girls who showed up for the deed:
“What I want, I don’t know.
Let’s just go with the flow.”
Since the gals were Trump hookers, they peed.

Victor Hood:

She said to me, “I’m in great need
Of a very large dose of some speed.
Though my body is yours,
To get into my drawers
The deal is the speed for the deed.

John Shardlow:

The Lord said to Onan, “Indeed,
I’ll slay you for spilling your seed.”
He replied “There’s no waste;
It’s wallpaper paste.
It happens when I feel the knead.”

Thomas Vincent:

An indigent baker named Reid,
Made loaves with some illegal weed.
Soon the profits did grow;
He was rolling in dough.
Not bad for a baker in knead.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (POULTRY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

Doctor Spooner had verbal bad luck,
For his tongue all too often got stuck,
And he gave them a shock
At the rest’rant “Thai Wok” –
He’d intended to order Fried Duck.

Kat Irving:

The handsome young rooster was loosed
On the young of the brood. He seduced
A hen called Matilda.
The shock nearly killed her!
His chickens will come home to roost.

Mike Moulton:

A handsome young chicken named Fred
Tried to charm all the hens in the shed;
He said “I’m a great cock.”
But the hens in the flock
Saw that he was a capon and fled.

Tim James:

The detective, his face in a scowl,
At the murder scene let out a growl:
“These dead turkeys and chickens ―
The sight of them sickens!
Indeed, this is murder most fowl!”

Brian Allgar:

I enjoy a nice partridge or pheasant;
Though small, they are tasty and pleasant.
But when I am starving,
I’d rather be carving
A swan, which I’m eating at present.

Jean McEwen:

As a vegan, I follow a creed:
I shall never eat poultry; indeed,
Even eggs are taboo,
So I’ve really no clue
Why those fowl all cry foul when I feed.

Tim James:

My poultry plant foreman averred
That I’m worthless. He spat out each word:
“If that hen you just plucked
Isn’t spotless, you’re f*#%ed!
Give it here!” So I flipped him the bird.

David Friedman:

The chicken was mad and it showed:
“I’m old and forgetful,” it crowed.
“Forgotten have I
The whole reason why
I crossed this proverbial road.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED at the end of any one line

Saturday, February 23rd, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POULTRY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POULTRY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I’m in pain, so I need you to knead
All my muscles. Then get me some weed.
I was kneed in the back
By some guy at the track,
And it feels like I fell off a steed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line

Saturday, February 9th, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ARGUMENTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ARGUMENT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 24, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 23, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I just had a nightmare — so real,
That it felt like the dreadful ordeal
Had been suffered while waking;
A hand I’d been shaking
Turned into a slippery eel.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (315)

Saturday, February 9th, 2019

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

I’m a pessimist. Let me explain,
So I don’t have to say it again:
In the tunnel, my friend
Is a light at the end –
Which belongs to an oncoming train.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special LIGHTING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

All was darkness. Then “Let there be light!”
Earth was formed, and the darkness took flight.
If in light we’re created
As Scripture has stated,
Then why isn’t Man very bright?

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN ARDISSONE, who wins the Special ACROSTIC Limerick Award, given occasionally to a clever acrostic limerick:

Please don’t be afraid on my plane.
It is safe. You’ll be fine. Just remain.
Leave the flying to me.
OFF WE GO! And you’ll see
That tomorrow, we’ll all be in Spain.

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.

What a marvelous thing is a dimmer!
On the days I feel older and grimmer,
I just turn it down low,
Make my wrinkles all go,
And look younger and slimmer and trimmer.

If there’s something to mend, fix or tie,
I can just turn the dimmer up high
And produce enough light
To set anything right
And ensure I’ll get by if I try.

Yes, the dimmer is grand altogether,
For both higher light levels and nether –
But I’d be more content
If kind souls would invent
Me a dimmer to tether the weather.

Congratulations to MARK KANE and DIANE GROOTHUIS, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Mark Kane:

Crammed in close, thigh to thigh on the plane,
With their will to abstain on the wain,
They soon met in the loo
For a slow urgent screw,
Then toasted their lust with champagne.

Diane Groothuis:

The passengers thought it was plain
That sobriety was on the wane
When they stood in the queue
To go to the loo,
Hearing corks popping, fizzing champagne.

Mark Kane:

They heard banging again and again,
As they waited inside to deplane.
And once out of wine,
With their lust in decline,
They were scared, so they chose to remain.

(Mark and Diane’s limerick exchange continued into several more verses. You can read the entire limerick repartee exchange here.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, Judith H. Block, Fred Bortz and Val Fish. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO LIGHTING LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

Says Trump, “What’s that light in the sky?
It’s too bright, and I’m starting to fry.”
“It’s the sun,” they explain.
“That’s a lie! I maintain
That my son is no brighter than I.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

A fellow who lived in Champaign
(That’s a town on an Illinois plain)
Said, “This place ain’t all that.
It’s cold and it’s flat
Like my ex ― but costs less to maintain.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

La Guardia! Where is our plane?
We thought we were going to Spain!
We slept on the floor,
Heard obnoxious jerks snore.
Next vacation. To Disney. By train!

Tony Holmes:

All these people are boarding this train
For two weeks in the sunshine of Spain.
What they haven’t been told
Is it’s wet and it’s cold;
But that’s fine, cuz they like to complain.

Jane Hoffman says:

The cows have lined up to complain
That the bulls are too hard to restrain.
The cows want a pen
Without any men…
To give them a chance to abstain.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

We looked up at the sky. (Was it rain?)
It went fast, and our eyes felt a strain.
Was it Superman? NO!
Was it birds? (Not in snow.)
There it IS! Oh my GOD! It’s a PLANE!

Tim James:

A couple got onto a plane;
Airborne nookie they yearned to attain.
Neither one had a clue
How to screw in a loo.
So they winged it, to mutual gain.

Tony Holmes:

“Drunk again?” is her constant refrain.
She derides all attempts to explain.
It were better, I think,
To forswear further drink,
Than to suffer that woman’s disdain.

Tim James for his Acrostic:

It’s becoming increasingly plain:
Donald Trump’s so-called “very good brain”
Isn’t all it should be.
On the contrary, he
Tweets and rants like a man gone insane.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIGHTING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

“Soft music, dim lighting, and you…
You’re the love of my life. It is true,
When I see you, I’m dazed,”
Murmured Trump as he gazed
In the mirror, his favorite view.

Jean McEwen:

Thank goodness this room’s dimly lit
So my boyfriend can’t quite see the zit
On the tip of my nose
That through makeup still shows.
(If he saw it, then surely he’d split.)

Dave Johnson:

With agents and flashlights galore,
Now Roger is part of the score.
Since Mueller’s so near,
Trump just might need to fear
That 6 A.M. bang on the door.

Judith H. Block:

It seems that some guys need enlightening;
Their view is dismaying – needs brightening.
Beauty comes in all sizes.
They’re in for surprises;
Small gals can give pleasure quite heightening.

Fred Bortz:

The spotlights illumine the stage
Where the despot will soon stand and rage.
But the nation takes note,
And soon we will vote
That the time’s come to turn a new page.

Val Fish:

He’d attempted to set the right mood;
Soft music, the lighting subdued.
But it all went to pot
With chili, too hot;
Several trips to the toilet ensued.

Dave Johnson:

Trump’s shutdown is all about him
Kowtowing to fright-wingers’ whim.
Fed workers are stuck
All because of this schmuck,
Whose bulb runs no brighter than dim.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: Due to a family health situation, I have to extend this Limerick-Off by one week. The new deadline for entries is February 9 at 10 pm. (Eastern Time) — Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, Or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line

Saturday, January 19th, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLANE, PLAIN, COMPLAIN, or EXPLAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LIGHTING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIGHTING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 10, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When a girl told her mom she was bored,
Her mother grew angry and roared:
“How dare you COMPLAIN!
Can’t you see I’m in pain?
Go play house, or I’m cutting the cord.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (314)

Saturday, January 19th, 2019

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

The pirates, a larcenous horde,
Took over while storming aboard.
A boat crew of nine
Bound together with twine
Held fast; they were all in a cord.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special TREE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Said Trump to the hooker, “You’ll see
That my wood is the size of a tree!”
But when he was nude,
She said “Don’t think me rude –
It looks more like a bonsai to me.”

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN and FRED BORTZ. Each of them wins a special Limerick Saga Award, sometimes given to a clever multi-verse limerick.

Sharon Neeman:

Now we’re old, with bad joints and sore feet,
We find bus rides more bitter than sweet,
For we struggle to board
Or reach up for the cord,
And few youngsters will give us a seat.

Should we drive? No, that’s hardly a lark:
Trees take scary new shapes in the dark.
They cavort in the rain,
And it’s hard to explain
Why we hit one whenever we park.

Taking cabs is a strain on the purse,
Makes our budget and blood pressure worse –
No, I think we’ll stay in
Where it’s warm, play some gin,
Drink some scotch, and write crotchety verse.

Fred Bortz:

As hist’ry will sadly record,
A basket of those she deplored
Did Hillary in,
Giving Donald the win
With votes that could not be ignored.

His electoral victory scored;
He baited his bigoted horde
With alternate facts
That justified acts
Of hatred and evil, untoward.

There still may be time to reward
This land that we all have adored.
In the year twenty-twenty,
Let’s cast votes aplenty.
The outcome must not be encored.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Fred Bortz, Judith H. Block, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Tony Holmes, Lisi Nortman, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, John Shardlow, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TREE LIMERICKS)

Fred Bortz, for his “The Old Oak”

The couple, in ardent accord,
Their initials in tree bark had scored,
Leaving evidence, oaken,
Of love never broken.
They’ve aged, yet they know they’re adored.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD” RHYME DIVISION)

Judith H. Block:

He thought that his faux pas was minor.
Then he saw all her clothes were designer.
All the hints he ignored;
He sure struck the wrong chord
When he took her to eat at a diner.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

“Dear Teacher, I tripped on a cord,
Then got cut on my brother’s sharp sword.
So no homework today,
And oh, by the way,
I chased after a bull and was gored.”

Tony Holmes:

I would never admit that I snored,
So my wife made recordings – I’m floored!
Beyond doubt, she was right,
But the future is bright –
We’ve discovered a new major chord.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

In the 50’s Dad got an award!
(His intelligence never ignored)
Cuz all on his own
He upgraded our phone,
By getting a much longer cord.

Dave Johnson:

The cost of their service has soared;
So now I am cutting the cord.
We can still watch TV,
Once I do it for free
By the shed where the woodpile is stored.

Tony Holmes:

I’ve discovered I’m now in accord
With a viewpoint I’ve always deplored.
I am shocked! What has changed?
Am I sick or deranged?
No, it’s worse – I got lazy and bored.

Tim James:

I knew a composer who scored
An op’ra most people ignored
’Bout an Army man struck
By a half-track and truck.
A-flat major’s its dominant chord.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TREE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

Those trees that were blocking his view
Are suddenly lying askew.
Officials resist
His attempts to insist
That the wind just selectively blew.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Even though you might feel a nice breeze,
Never park your car under the trees!
Cuz when you return
You’ll undoubtedly learn
That the birds have done more than just sneeze.

Brian Allgar:

His offspring, I’m sure you’ll agree,
Are as crooked as President T,
Grabbing ill-gotten loot –
Which just shows that the fruit
Never falls very far from the tree.

Diane Groothuis:

I checked on my own fam’ly tree
To find who’s related to me.
Well I come from good stock,
But it came as a shock
That Dad’s branch didn’t want me to be.

Fred Bortz:

There’s a tree that I love in the park.
I can find it at night when it’s dark.
Dogwood’s blossoms and fruit
Bring delight to my snoot,
But what’s best is the sound of its bark.

John Shardlow:

You gardeners, please make this pledge:
Whenever you’re planting a hedge,
Using laurel is dandy,
But shun the leylandii;
Between neighbors it’s driving a wedge.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone: (With Apologies To Joyce Kilmer)

I’ve seen metal that’s also a knee,
And a card that is also a key.
But I really must say
That there’s no goddamn way
That a poem is also a tree.

Jean McEwen:

Please don’t slander my poor hemlock tree.
It’s not poisonous — trust me! You see,
It is not like the plant
That’s called hemlock; it can’t
Ever hurt you — so no need to flee!

Dave Johnson:

In Florida, palm trees will sway,
With sunbathers basking all day;
Some willing and proud
To be showing the crowd
What others should never display.

Diane Groothuis:

I think that I never shall see
A poem so nice as a tree.
Providing good shade,
In Heaven they’re made
And useful to dogs when they pee.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line

Saturday, January 5th, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHORD or CORD or CORED or ACCORD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TREES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TREE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Sunday, January 20, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 19, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A poet, quite broke, who felt stuck
Had a muse who was running amok.
So he got a large board
And some thick, heavy cord,
Then wrote: “Terrible Verse for a Buck.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Peer or Pier or Appear at the end of any one line

Sunday, December 16th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Peer or Pier or Appear at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Jewelry, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Jewelry-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 6, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you three full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 5, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

We ordered some wine and a beer
And waited for both to appear.
But neither drink came.
Empty noggin to blame?
We got eggnog … instead of good cheer.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: at the end of any one line CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR

Saturday, December 1st, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spice-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 16, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 15, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

This drink was a very “light pour.”
If you’d like to be paid, pour me more!
Here’s my other complaint
Which is likely to taint
Your review: piss-poor taste in décor.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PAIRS or PEARS or PARES or REPAIRS or PREPARES or COMPARES at the end of any one line

Saturday, November 17th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PAIRS or PEARS or PARES or REPAIRS or PREPARES or COMPARES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to THEFT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best THEFT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 2, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 1, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

It appears that my car needs repairs;
From the noise, you would swear that some bears
Are marauding inside,
Which ain’t good for the ride…
And impairs surreptitious affairs.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PLACED or MISPLACED OR REPLACED or DISPLACED at the end of any one line

Saturday, October 27th, 2018

UPDATE!!! ANNOUNCEMENT: DUE TO FAMILY OBLIGATIONS, I MUST POSTPONE THE DEADLINE FOR THIS LIMERICK-OFF BY ONE WEEK. THE NEW DEADLINE IS SAT. NOV. 17. RESULTS TO BE POSTED ON NOV. 18. MY APOLOGIES!

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PLACED or MISPLACED OR REPLACED or DISPLACED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FOOTWEAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FOOTWEAR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 11, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 10, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow with terrible taste
Always purchased his clothing in haste.
He lacked passion for fashion,
Yet swore he looked dashin’…
His self-confidence sadly misplaced.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line

Sunday, October 14th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GAMBLING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GAMBLING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 28, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 27, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The Republican Party is bent
And broken; its rapid descent
Into evil’s been led
By Trump. It’s in bed
With a “gent” who has much to repent.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRY or DECRY at the end of any one line

Saturday, September 29th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRY or DECRY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TOOLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOL-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 14, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 13, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

There are limerick writers whose brow
Is as low as a pub will allow.
Tasteful others reach high
And at times will decry
Evil acts, broken vows, harmful chow.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line

Saturday, September 15th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCHOOL SUPPLIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCHOOL SUPPLIES-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 30, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 29, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow went out for a stroll,
Healthy exercise largely his goal.
He encountered a hitch,
Falling down in a ditch.
Not too healthy that walk, on the (w)hole.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line

Sunday, August 19th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to OPERA, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best OPERA-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on Sept 2, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 1, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Make me sales chief, and no more delay!
See my hair? The wait’s turning it gray.
I deserve that promotion;
I’ve shown my devotion.
Better brace for commotion, if “nay.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DATE or SEDATE at the end of any one line

Saturday, August 4th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DATE or SEDATE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AFFAIRS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AFFAIRS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 19, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 18, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I’ve some traits that refuse to abate.
For instance, I’m far from sedate;
Never calm, nor unhurried,
I’m rarely unworried.
Want evidence? Check with my mate.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: YOKE or YOLK at the end of any one line

Sunday, July 22nd, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using YOKE or YOLK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPAM, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SPAM-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 5, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 4, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Our nation is under the yoke
Of a demon named Donald — no joke!
As his party-mates cower,
His chokehold on power
Increases, his base still “unwoke.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (302)

Saturday, July 21st, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Poor Billy. He fell for the spell
Of the belle of the ball. All was well,
’Til he swung her and tripped
At the moment they dipped,
And we all heard the bawl of the belle.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special Punishment-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Kinky punishment’s part of her act,
And at times she wears costumes. In fact,
With one client, for fun,
She dressed up like a nun.
But it wasn’t his knuckles she whacked.

Congratulations to Sharon Neeman and Brian Allgar, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, written because they apparently found my limerick theme choice to be punishing:

Sharon Neeman:

This week’s challenge is far from sublime:
Mad has found us a verb with no rhyme!
Not “astonish” or “banish”
Or “donnish” or “vanish” –
Just “nunnish,” which wastes all our time.

Brian Allgar:

Poor Sharon complains that this week
The lack of a rhyme-verb is bleak,
And to seek one for “punish”
Could only be funnish
For one with a masochist streak.

Madeleine Begun Kane:

Please don’t punish the judge for her theme-choice.
(One might modishly call it her meme-choice.)
For you’re free as a bird
To select any word
And determine your own rhyming scheme-choice.

Brian Allgar: (written, Brian claims, after a few drinks)

Dear Mad –

I washn’t intending to critishize
But shimply attempting to wittishize
Poor Sharon’s shad plight
As besht as I might
Through whishky-befuddled old British eyes

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners, in random order: Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, David Reddekopp, Dave Johnson, Steve Whitred, Tony Holmes, Will T. Laughlin, Mark Westin, Lisi Nortman, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Ken Gosse, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BELL / BELLE / REBEL-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PUNISHMENT LIMERICKS)

Sharon Neeman:

“Come lie down and be whipped,” hissed the “pastor;”
“You have shown disrespect to your master.”
His “disciple,” sweet Belle,
Grinned and answered “Like hell!
Though you’re older and bigger, I’m faster.”

Brian Allgar:

An athletic young hooker called Belle
Said “You’ve been a bad boy, I’ve heard tell.”
So she spanked and she spanked
While the President wanked,
Till his bum was bright orange as well.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BELL / BELLE / REBEL-RHYME DIVISION)

David Reddekopp:

There once was a fellow named Mel,
Whose date was proceeding quite well;
He was baring it all
With the belle of the ball –
Then he saw the two balls of the belle.

Dave Johnson:

He’s dating a true Southern belle
Who’s gracious and gorgeous as well.
We talked for a while
And he said with a smile:
“She’s horny and I’m feeling swell.”

Stephen Whitred:

Neither ask who is tolling the bell,
Nor for whom is its sorrowful knell,
Cuz the answer you see
Is it’s ringing for thee,
And you’re Donne for, or so I hear tell.

Tony Holmes:

When I ponder the night I met Belle
All the veins in my neck start to swell.
She was coy, I had gold;
She took charge, I got rolled –
But ’twas ME spent the night in a cell!

Will T. Laughlin:

From the depths of Political Hell
Came the sharp, metaphorical yell
Of a crotch-grabbing schmuck
With his short fingers stuck
In the crack of the Liberty Bell.

Dave Johnson:

When someone says “clear as a bell”
My question is: how does it knell?
Does transparency bring
A much zingier ding,
With a dong that is longer as well?

Mark Westin:

In the old days ’twas telephone hell
When the circuits were ruled by Ma Bell,
Till a wireless coup
Promised freedom anew.
But we wound up enslaved by the cell.

Lisi Nortman:

Ten items at checkout? Oh hell!
I’ve eleven, but no one can tell.
I just must buy that treat
Or my doggie won’t eat.
(And what a cool way to rebel!)

Stephen Whitred says:

What I said was as clear as a bell,
And our summit was super and swell.
He’s my biggily bear,
And I really don’t care
That he calls me his mademoiselle.

Tim James:

A woman was hotter than hell,
But she couldn’t do math very well.
“Four plus four’s forty-four.
Maybe less? Maybe more?”
She’s well-known as a true ding-dong belle.

Konrad Schwoerke:

In high school, I always did well,
But my shyness made being there hell.
My virginity loomed
(I’d have sworn I was doomed);
Then, at prom, I was saved by the belle.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PUNISHMENT LIMERICK DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

And now, for his manifold sins,
Trump’s punishment truly begins:
His dreadful remarks
Got the man who hates sharks
In hot water, surrounded by Fin(n)s.

Ken Gosse:

Trump would punish potential rebellion
By demanding that each wanton hellion
Watch his face night and day,
And hear all that he’d say.
His draconian touch was Orwellian.

Sharon Neeman:

Snatching kids makes America big?
Throw the Snatcher-in-Chief in the brig!
Make him pay for his fun:
Give that immigrant’s son
A new jumpsuit — same shade as his wig.

Jean McEwen:

You’ve committed a terrible crime,
But you’d rather not serve lots of time.
Disinclined to repentance?
Then ponder this sentence:
Old Sparky is truly sublime!

Sharon Neeman:

At dinner, if ever I said
Something nasty, they sent me to bed —
So I often was rude:
“Reading’s better than food;
Let my brothers do dishes instead!”

Konrad Schwoerke:

I’m emotional during my time,
And I sob at the drop of a dime.
I was wailing when nailed;
Now I’m wailing while jailed.
I-I’m putting the cry-y in crime.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BELL, BELLE, or the Verb REBEL at the end of any one line

Saturday, July 7th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BELL, BELLE, or the Verb REBEL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PUNISHMENT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PUNISHMENT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 22, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 21, 2018, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The runner felt swell at the bell,
But suddenly all went to hell;
One lace got untied,
And an ankle felt fried,
As behind former stragglers he fell.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!