It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a ERROL NIMBLY, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
At noon, if you see us drift by,
In my hot air balloon on the fly,
I’ll be serving a luncheon.
It’s quiche we’ll be munchin’.
We’re eating a pie in the sky.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special Clumsiness-Themed Limerick Award for this PAIR of funny limericks. Please note that this is a 2-in-1 limerick. One limerick is centered and in bold, and the other is in italics, half to the left and half to the right of his bold-faced limerick.
You idiot! WatchI’m a klutz. But I’m truly contrite, where you’re going!
I believe an apoSo I’ll hide on this Limerick site.logy’s owing,
You oaf. You’ve Since the writers are agile, reversed
Into where I verAnd nothing here’s fragilesed first…
Now this limeriI can’t damage anything — right?ck’s wrecked, and needs towing.
Congratulations to JESSE FRANKOVICH, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this “acrostic” limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Kicked a table and let out a yell;
Lost my balance and awkwardly fell.
Unaware it was there,
Thumped my head on a chair.
Zapped myself with a taser, as well!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Suzanne Heymann, Kathleen Bartoletti, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Jeanine Silverio, Jesse Frankovich, Fred Bortz, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Sharon Neeman, Will T. Laughlin, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “Buy/Bye/By/Bi” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CLUMSINESS LIMERICKS)
If you think you are smooth when you bellow,
Just remember, you really are yellow.
You’re a scared, clumsy guy.
You think ‘tough’ gets you by.
You’re a bull-in-a-china-shop fellow!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Buy/Bye/By/Bi” RHYME DIVISION)
He said crossly, “My throat’s going dry,
Come on, Kathy, it’s your turn to buy;”
But while quaffing his Bud
He fell down in the mud,
So I toasted, “Here’s mud in your eye!”
They sneered when I said I would buy
A fat pig, and then teach it to fly.
“Are you crazy?” they laughed,
“Pigs with wings? Are you daft?”
I pointed to Trump, flying high.
There was a young lady named Vi
Who was proudly and openly bi.
So she wasn’t upset
When the man that she met
Confessed that he wasn’t a guy.
She said with a sad heartfelt sigh:
“I just have to ask ‘Are you bi?’”
I took in those lips
And incredible hips
And I told her, “You’ve just turned me ‘try.’”
When the love of my life said goodbye,
For a while I did little but cry.
Then I longed for a do
With a new style and hue—
I just wanted to curl up and dye.
He’ll sleep with a gal or a guy,
And he’ll pay to escape when they try
His case in the court,
Saying “Judge, be a sport.
Let this guy who is bi buy a bye.”
Tim James, for his A Christian’s Lament:
I think that I’ll now say goodbye
To my boss, who’s a miserable guy.
All my colleagues at work
Said “Shove off!” to this jerk.
And the name of the dude? William Bligh.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CLUMSINESS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
An airline showed clumsy PR.
And their customer service? Bizarre.
If you’re not in first class,
They just might kick your ass.
If you’re not into pain, go by car.
There once was a charmer named Ed
Who could get any babe into bed.
Was he accident-prone
With these chicks he would bone?
’Cause I heard he kept knocking ’em dead.
There once was a man from Dubai
Who gave Kama Sutra a try.
With creative coitions
And parlous positions,
He managed to poke out an eye.
My very first date was a klutz!
He would fidget and fumble and futz,
And while walking and joking
Where people were smoking,
He’d always bump into their butts.
Will T. Laughlin:
He was awkward, and trembled with fear
As he tried to unhook her brassiere.
Soon her straps got so mangled
And twisted and tangled
They’d baffle a trained engineer.
He wrestled and pulled, but his fits
Just further entangled his mitts.
So she fought him, and struck him…
But though she’s unstuck him,
I fear he’s rotated her tits.
Of her dressmaking skills she had doubt.
“I sew like an oaf!” she would pout.
Her hubby said, “Chill,
It’s a cheap piece of twill,
And nothing worth hemming about.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!