Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GREED, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GREED-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 3, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 2 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A woman whose plane was delayed
Yelled and flew off the handle, then prayed.
Fellow passengers, scared
By her conduct, soon aired
Their dismay: “Help! We plainly need aid!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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140 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was normally staid
    Had only one goal – getting laid.
    So he tried very hard
    Using lines from the Bard
    But the lady just wished to get paid.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    There was a young lady who made
    Lots of money with guys getting laid.
    But insatiable greed
    Made her do one more deed
    And that’s when she got caught in a raid.

  3. Dave Johnson says:

    Their accountant was handsomely paid;
    But in time, he apparently strayed.
    Many thousands, they say,
    Went a prostitute’s way;
    It looks like those funds were miss laid.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    He crowed as he proudly surveyed
    All those lovely young chicks he had laid.
    But he felt rather sick
    When they each laid a chick –
    Gay Hen’s Lib? The old cock was dismayed.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Agreements for so-called ‘free trade’
    Will help only the rich, I’m afraid.
    Tax breaks for the greedy,
    And zilch for the needy.
    Your jobs? They have all been waylaid.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    My wife phoned to say: “I’m delayed;
    “We have guests, so I’ve hired a maid
    To set out the table,
    And start, if she’s able,
    Preparing the beef marinade.”

    Well, I have to confess that I strayed.
    Though I’m fond of my wife, I’m afraid
    That I’m tempted to roam;
    By the time she got home,
    Both the maid and the table were laid.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    (St. Augustine takes a rain-check)

    Augustine most piously prayed:
    “O Lord, I have always obeyed
    Your commands. Make me chaste –
    But not yet; let’s not waste
    What you gave me until I’ve been laid.”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    I can claim to have only one vice.
    Anger, envy and pride are not nice,
    Nor are gluttony, sloth;
    Greed is fouler than both.
    But lust – there’s a sin to entice!

    Of the seven, I think that indeed
    The most deadly of sins must be greed.
    I avoid it, I trust,
    Though in matters of lust,
    There is never as much as I need.

  9. Kirk Miller says:

    Want to be a good driver? Then heed
    The advice to which pros have agreed.
    And they all say the same:
    If you want driving fame,
    Then a crash course is all that you need.

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    Making money — executives’ creed.
    Lack of ethics, a problem indeed.
    Money’s love to excess
    May not end in success.
    What’s the problem? It’s avarice, aGREED?

  11. Dave Johnson says:

    A thousand mile journey was made
    For one purpose – just to get laid.
    Then, deflated he sat
    In two minutes flat;
    Still, the Bunny Ranch had to be paid.

  12. Dave Johnson says:

    From the company profits he made,
    An assistant was hired and paid.
    She was sexy and willing
    To do more than billing;
    By now his best plans have been laid.

  13. Dave Johnson says:

    The current Republican creed
    Has strayed from its previous heed.
    R.I.P. G.O.P.
    For it’s now P.I.G.
    An assembly of Partners In Greed.

  14. Kirk Miller says:

    From knee pain he wants to be freed.
    A surgeon and he have agreed
    To cut arthroscopic,
    A surgery topic
    That says he’s a person in kneed.

  15. Don Lee says:

    When I got home I laid
    my keys on the desk I made
    it was near the door
    but is there no more
    now my journey is delayed.

    By the road sat a fair maiden named Mislaid
    who wrote in her diary she was delayed
    because she lost her map
    which led to a detour and mishap
    that explained why she was becoming afraid.

    A comment was mislaid
    like it was the Jack O Spade.
    The dealer said, “That smart’s,
    where’s your queen of hearts?
    For now the game is delayed.”

    Lie, lay, sit, set and laid
    began to speak up but were delayed
    because their position
    in the composition
    was under debate and mislaid.

    Greed as a theme:

    There once was a handsome young steed *** Better than money is power, indeed

    who fed the gamblers need to make more greenbacks and feed.

    as he galloped around the track But if this self imposed obsession

    the louder they would clap leaves no room for compassion,

    like there was no limit to his speed. what alone becomes the need?

    When there’s a want or a need Having all you want or need
    you better take heed plants a dangerous seed
    come hell or high water when without a doubt
    a devious plan is the plotter the next desire is clout
    while morals, justice and honesty bleed. another obsession you feed.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A guy tried too hard to get laid,
    His intentions, too soon, were displayed.
    He came on too strong,
    Was gross and plain wrong,
    His seduction was just poorly made.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman tried hard to get laid.
    Didn’t want to end up an old maid.
    She wore skimpy clothes-
    The few that she chose..
    Too much of her charms were displayed.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    His glasses, again, were mislaid,
    He looked everywhere, even prayed.
    His search was misled,
    They’re on top of his head!
    Now where’d he put his hearing aid?

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    The AMTRAK train’s once more delayed
    I’m irked at the high fare I paid.
    Gives me more time to read
    That I’ll gladly concede.
    Though I’m more angered than I’ve conveyed.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re obsessed with infinite greed
    You might just get what you need
    But one day you’ll see
    That the powers that be
    Will come back to haunt you indeed

  21. Val Fish says:

    The new patio’s just been laid
    A heavy price hubby has paid
    I’m done with his lying
    There’ll be no more crying
    Oh shit, I’ve got blood on the spade

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    Corporations destroy with their greed,
    The masses of folks, they mislead.
    Our planet destroyed,
    More profits, enjoyed.
    Bought pols, any progress, impede.

  23. Oh, when did my sex appeal fade?
    I stare at my breakfast, dismayed:
    Orange juice gets a squeeze;
    Bacon strips (such a tease!),
    And the eggs, unlike me, have been laid.

  24. A friend saw that I was afraid
    Of a future I hope to evade.
    “Don’t worry,” he said,
    “If Trump wins, we’re all dead!”
    (Thanks a pant-load. My fears are allayed.)

  25. A candidate, out on his tours,
    Said this as he spoke to “the poors”:
    “I have money, and stuff,
    But it isn’t enough —
    I won’t rest ’til I take away YOURS.”

  26. The latter-day scions of Greed
    Aren’t content to take more than they need:
    They’ll squeeze blood from a stone,
    And won’t leave it alone
    If they think there’s a drop left to bleed.

  27. Judith H. Block says:

    How can it be subtly conveyed
    While remaining decorous and staid…
    Got that come hither glow,
    He really should know
    That all she wants is to get laid.

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    A new ‘Indy Jones’ has been made
    That merits a warm accolade.
    Indy brings to their knees
    The Republican sleaze,
    Right down to the Last Cruz Aide.

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    I lied when I said I had laid
    Seven cheerleaders from the parade
    With no outlay for me.
    Only six put out free –
    The seventh just had to be paid.

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    He would gorge himself, heap after heap,
    Every moment he wasn’t asleep.
    This greedy young glutton
    Ate huge bowls of mutton
    Until he had wolfed the whole sheep.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    My flight was 4 hours delayed
    So I sipped some cool lemonade
    The guy at the stand
    Was sinewy and tanned
    Boy, am I glad that I stayed

  32. Lisi Nortman says:


    If you’re CONSUMED with limitless greed
    You might just get what you need
    But one day you’ll see
    That the powers that be
    Will come back to haunt you indeed

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    With a mindset that’s stodgy and staid,
    Their reaction was sadly delayed.
    Now the powers that be
    Are scared shitless to see
    Trumpzilla’s about to invade.

  34. Dave Johnson says:

    They see her as quiet and staid;
    Some joke that she’ll never get laid.
    But they wouldn’t know
    That her website will show
    Those assets for which she gets paid.

  35. Doug Harris says:

    Lost the number I ring when I’m frayed –
    (A place to which often I’ve strayed).
    How I need a release,
    Just some calm and some peace.
    But where are the details – ‘Miss Laid’?

  36. colonialist says:

    Bill’s appetite he had mislaid,
    Though for a good reason this strayed –
    Insatiable greed
    Had caused him to feed
    Until Bill ‘Yes’ ‘NO!’ was displayed.

    The ‘Bill yes’ attack soon relayed
    Choice giving up food must be made:
    His greed caused the flow
    Other way, now, to go,
    So dinner on carpet he sprayed.

  37. Jim says:

    Two Friends

    There under the elephant ear she laid
    While in the kitchen my other throb played
    First one is my best girl friend
    Second, wife ’til life does end
    Nice dog and good wife, sure I’ve got it made

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    Two billionaires chatting agreed
    They were an exceptional breed;
    And rather admired
    The way they acquired
    The golden commodes where they peed.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:


    My birthday was great; my wife is a “star!”
    She gave me a fabulous, brand new car
    It’s a red Corvette
    But for some reason, yet
    I’d like another one, just to drive to the store

  40. Val Fish says:

    To a deadly sin I confess
    I just love to eat to excess
    Although my gluttony
    Could be the death of me
    I simply can’t eat any less

  41. Val Fish says:

    Pics on the brothel wall displayed
    Positions in which to get laid
    The girls of Pompeii
    Each had their own way
    They’d do anything to get paid

  42. Mary mcgarvey says:

    Now billionaires chomp on cigars
    And all of them drive nice big cars
    But for tax evasion
    The best smart equation?
    From Caribbean send their regards.


    Greed is greed — so it’s certain I am
    That The Donald’s campaign is a sham.
    He’s in, win or lose,
    With Ted (Calgary) Cruz.
    Think: “Canadian real estate scam”:

    Should either bad candidate win,
    Watch his shell corporations begin
    Leasing houses and flats
    To the U.S. ex-pats…
    How he’ll laugh as the money rolls in!


    Says the Very Rich Dude to the waiter,
    “I’ll have what he’s having.” He’ll cater
    By giving YOUR food
    To the Very Rich Dude,
    Then handing the bill to you later.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:



    My birthday was great; my wife is a “star”
    She gave me a fabulous, brand new car
    It’s a red Corvette
    But for some reason, yet,
    I want another one just to drive to the bar

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    That punk CEO Martin Shkreli –
    His strategy selfish and smelly,
    Got busted at last;
    They should make him fast
    With Flint water filling his belly.

  47. A user of the red-lighted trade
    Was asked why he’d been so delayed.
    Not wishing to admit
    That he’s slipped in for a bit,
    Replied, obliquely, “Not lost, only mislaid”.

  48. David Reddekopp says:

    A young girl, with her hair in a braid
    Led her beau to a barn to get laid
    And her lover (of course)
    He was hung like a horse
    And he came with such force that he neighed.

  49. David Reddekopp says:

    *was, not has, damn it. Please fix, Mad?

    From MBK: Done.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:


    “That cake looks delicious
    May I have a bite?”
    “I put in too much flour
    And it tastes very sour;
    But here’s a drink of refreshing Sprite”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is this too many syllables?

    That cake looks delicious; may I have a bite?
    I’m sorry, but I didn’t make it just right.
    I put in too much flour
    So it tastes kind of sour
    But here’s a drink of refreshing Sprite

    (Greedy Fat Friend)

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I first met Miss Laid
    She seemed to be very staid
    But one night in Shanty Town
    Wearing a tasteless brassy kind of gown
    She yelled, “Paul, come join our parade!”

  53. Tim James says:

    Gordon Gekko, film crook, didn’t care;
    He praised greed. So does Trump. Let’s compare!
    The guy from the flick
    Was much less of a dick;
    In addition, he had better hair.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    He pulls his big boat with a Hummer;
    And struts like he’s King off the Summer.
    Eventually though,
    A gold Speedo will show
    His love life must be a real bummer.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    “I know what to say when they call me.”
    Says a greedy young babe from Snoqualmie.
    She told her friend Mike
    “We can smooch if you like;
    Bring bling if you’re looking to ball me…”

  56. Dave Johnson says:

    In the Sixties, a movie they made
    Had choppers and dudes on parade.
    But censors said no;
    That song has to go.
    The title was “Born to Be Laid”.

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    In his mansion up high on a hill,
    Our CEO savored the thrill.
    With downsizing done,
    Outsourcing had won;
    Tonight, he won’t need a blue pill…

  58. David Reddekopp says:

    You might think the rich have it made
    They love power, are pleased to get paid
    Though these things are their thirst
    They are not what comes first
    For their ultimate goal’s to get laid.

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    You’re right! Such priorities made
    When biology’s needs are obeyed
    Are why money and power
    Can wait for an hour
    But sex just cannot be delayed.

  60. Allen Wilcox says:

    It was down on his couch that he laid
    On a fine APRIL day, and he prayed
    That he not wake too soon.
    But he woke up in JUNE,
    Which left him completely disMAYed!

  61. Val Fish says:

    I have never felt so betrayed
    Just found out that hubby has laid
    My identical twin
    His defence, (Somewhat thin)
    ‘It’s a mix-up easily made’

  62. Fred Bortz says:

    Our candidates once had compassion,
    But now that has gone out of fashion.
    They celebrate greed
    And blame those in need
    In campaigns full of trashin’ and bashin’.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s nothing like pastrami on pumpernickel
    And of course, you must have the sour pickle
    So go to the deli
    And fill your belly
    And then tip the “cabbie” a nickel

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never know where my glasses are laid
    So I hired a professional “spectacles aide”
    I said “Check every nook and cranny;
    Even places “uncanny”
    Then the very next day, he ran off with my maid

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Please change the pumpernickel line to:



  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: please change the last line to:
    Then tip the cabbie a SHINY nickel

    Thank you

    (MBK: No, that’s too many syllables.)

  67. Fred Bortz says:

    “Heidi, Ho!” Said Ted Cruz while he prayed
    That she wouldn’t find out whom he laid.
    He hoped to inspire her
    To skip the Enquirer
    And miss the page saying he’d strayed.

  68. Fred Bortz says:

    A rare trip to the dark side for me:

    The bishop knew how to get laid.
    He’d have fun with a nun in the glade.
    His number one Sister
    Was really a Mister.
    He glowed when the truth was displayed!

  69. Tim James says:

    He lamented, “I shouldn’t have strayed
    From my bunk on the train. I obeyed
    Carnal drives. ‘Twas insane
    Because, unlike a train,
    A young woman can *not* be de-laid.”

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    A slight change:

    My glasses always seem to be mislaid
    So I hired a professional “spectacles” aide
    I said, “Look in every nook and cranny
    Even places uncanny
    And then the guy runs away with my maid

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    My new maid seems to have mislaid
    My perfume that I had displayed
    Near my golden frame
    And the next time she came
    She smelled like “Musk Serenade”

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    The unraveling party of greed
    Is shaking and starting to bleed.
    In Cleveland, it might
    Be an MMA fight
    For the one who can finish the deed.

  73. Mary McGarvey says:

    Two vultures would meet to compare
    The roadkill they found, cooked or rare
    The sun, down it beat
    Roasting meat in the street.
    But alive? “hey, that’s mine! Don’t you dare!”

  74. Mary McGarvey says:

    A tribute to the commuter train system called BART falling to pieces:

    San Francisco’s Directors of BART
    All get fat while the trains fall apart.
    While these crooks full of hooey
    Let BART go Ka-blooey
    With grand theft as a great noble art.

  75. Mary McGarvey says:

    Sixty-five were blown up in Lahore.
    Said ISIS, “What fun! Let’s do more!”
    “Although we seem greedy,
    Spoiled rotten and needy,
    Praise Allah, there are peasants galore!”

  76. Mary McGarvey says:

    The suicide bomber raised hell
    When his clever vest plan went well.
    But in spite of his urgence
    To bring his own virgins
    They were scattered, those sinners, Pell-mell.

  77. Mary McGarvey says:

    The White House is bloated and fat
    even French Fries we feed our Chief Rat.
    He clings to his greed
    Not religion his need
    No, it’s IRS fun, where he’s at.

  78. Mary McGarvey says:

    Up to ninety-six thousand a year
    Goes untaxed if it’s earned far from here.
    So I’m off to Dubai
    To have and eat my pie
    never more in the US to appear.

  79. Patrick McKeon says:

    On his deathbed an old pilot prayed
    For a post mortem heaven upgrade
    But he couldn’t go straight
    To that great pearly gate
    Since his final approach was delayed

  80. Patrick McKeon says:

    As they led him to jail he decreed:
    “It was all done for love and not greed”
    “It’s a passion I feel”
    “Which compels me to steal”
    “Though that passion’s for cash I concede”

  81. Lisi NOrtman says:

    Mom always told me grandma displayed
    Antique bells that were always mislaid
    When the earthquake struck
    The house was amok
    And the cows came by in a Pride Parade

  82. Lisi NOrtman says:


    My new maid seems to have mislaid
    My perfume that I always displayed
    Near my golden frame
    And the next time she came
    She smelled JUST like “Musk Serenade”

  83. Lisi NOrtman says:


    My glasses are invariably mislaid
    So I hired a professional spectacles aide
    He looked in every nook and cranny
    And even places very uncanny
    Then he ran away with the maid

  84. Lisi NOrtman says:

    There’s nothing like pastrami on rye
    And for dessert a great apple pie
    So go to the deli
    And fill your belly
    Hand the waiter a nickle as he passes

  85. Lisi NOrtman says:

    not a duplicate

    There’s nothing like pastrami on rye
    And for dessert a great apple pie
    So go to the deli
    And fill your belly
    Hand the waiter a nickel as he passes by

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    Sometimes a particular need
    Creates the appearance of greed.
    For example, Trump’s plane
    Is really insane
    When a hot air balloon does the deed.

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    Little Bo Peep was dismayed;
    She’d noticed a couple had strayed.
    So she gathered the flock
    And gave them this talk:
    “How nasty old cowboys get laid…”

  88. Diane Groothuis says:

    My telephone bill was mislaid
    So then the damn thing wasn’t paid
    Then said Telstra to me
    “Do you think it’s for free?
    If you do, you are wrong we’re afraid”

  89. Diane Groothuis says:

    From the items of news that I read
    Some countries are governed by greed
    There’s a very large gap
    Tween the wealth and the crap
    With lots of folk living in need

  90. Mary mcgarvey says:

    Even Mexican labor’s not cheap.
    All those shacks, food and water can heap
    Up farmers’ expenses,
    Plus building big fences.
    Keep cheap labor in the land they can keep.

  91. Mary mcgarvey says:

    Someone’s nephew’s in need of a job
    Where to stick this dumb corn on the cob?
    Put him in charge
    Of a bank very large
    Where some peons can help him go rob.

  92. Dave Johnson says:

    Her mission in life – getting laid;
    An endeavor for which she is paid.
    The convention is looming;
    Business is booming
    Since delegates have to be swayed.

  93. Mary mcgarvey says:

    Theories of added value to labor
    Look good while at Yale, on paper.
    Marx’ books didn’t show
    That market values just go
    Up and down; no predicting life’s caper.

  94. Mary mcgarvey says:

    The Chinese don’t ask, “Where you from?”
    Your big nose makes that question dumb.
    Instead they must know
    If you’ve got some big dough
    So they ask, “From what you dough come?”

  95. Mary mcgarvey says:

    The Irish clerk asked, “Where are they laid?”
    It sounded rude to a Yank who had paid
    For his room, booze and board.
    He cried, “What? Good Lord!”
    “No, your people, where’s the beds they had made?”

  96. Mary mcgarvey says:

    A blind man was leading a bat
    To the street where he slept on a Mat
    While He begged for his grub
    the bat flew off to a pub,
    Said, “THAT hell ain’t where it’s at!”

  97. Mary mcgarvey says:

    ”Twas not thirst, his alcoholic greed.
    No, he drank much more than he’d need.
    He drank whiskey and rye
    Vodka, wine, beer and I
    Would laugh at how much that man peed!

    His whole house was going to seed,
    For he drank and he drank, then he peed.
    The state of his toilet!
    With brown shit he’d soil it,
    Then clean it with strong streams he would lead.

  98. Dave Johnson says:

    The housekeeper called and relayed
    Her arrival would now be delayed.
    The car doesn’t start
    So she cannot depart;
    What a bummer – she needs to get paid.

    He told her “Don’t worry Ms. Dade;
    I’ll come get you; your fears are allayed.”
    But the note to his wife
    Caused a moment of strife
    When he wrote “I am out getting maid.”

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    We had our poodle spayed
    We named her “Miss Laid”
    She was always getting mounted
    And on this procedure we counted
    That we could re-name her”Miss Staid”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:


    We had our poodle spayed
    Her name is “Princess Laid”
    She was always getting mounted
    So we greatly counted
    That we could re-name her “Miss Staid”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    My blind date’s name was Wade
    We were to meet at the “Palisade”
    I waited from midnight
    Till the dawn’s early light
    I guess his plane was delayed

  102. Randy Wagner says:

    A rude frequent flyer displayed
    His ire over being delayed.
    He stayed really peeved
    Until he received
    Some peanuts, free miles and upgrade.

  103. Randy Wagner says:

    His ex, at his funeral, laid
    A rose on his corpse. Quite dismayed,
    She sighed, “Only if
    You’d been half as stiff
    While living, I’d surely have stayed.”

  104. Randy Wagner says:

    Will’s conjugal tryst, I’m afraid,
    Just became a risqué escapade.
    Something wasn’t quite right
    So he turned on the light,
    Which revealed the houseguest he’d mislaid.

  105. Randy Wagner says:

    Maid Marion paused in the glade
    Since her love, Robin Hood, seemed delayed.
    He called out from a thicket,
    “Come hither! Be quick! It
    Feels better, dear maid, in the shade.”

    “Feels better, dear, made in the shade.”

    (I resisted that old trope, “made Marion”)

  106. Val Fish says:

    As I enter my sixth decade
    I fear I’ll end up an old maid
    Stuck on the shelf
    Pleasing myself
    Cos sad to say I’ve never been laid

  107. Nate Levin says:

    The GOP’s purpose mislaid,
    Will the prevalent BS now fade?
    Or will it get worse?
    Will we dodge the dread curse
    Of a 4-year Trump White House parade?

  108. Dave Johnson says:

    His wife said “Let’s get in the shade.”
    But Lem liked the spot where he laid.
    Then sunburned, he’d yelp
    And needed some help;
    The staff brought her pink Lem an aide.

  109. Tim James says:

    Since I hate buying cars, I delayed
    Going down to the lot. But I made
    The deal of my life:
    A new Ford for my wife.
    I thought it a pretty good trade.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    I seem to have mislaid
    My darling husband, Wade
    We’re so alike
    We were on our hike
    Perhaps it was the grenade

  111. Lisi Nortman says:


    Grandma always displayed
    Antique bells that were always mislaid
    When the earthquake struck
    The house was amok
    And the cows marched within their “Pride Parade”

  112. Lisi Nortman says:


    “That cake looks delicious
    May I have a bite?”
    “I put in too much flour
    It tastes very sour
    But here’s a drink of Sprite”


  113. Lisi Nortman says:


    We had our poodle spayed
    Her name WAS “Princess Laid”
    She was always getting mounted
    Now we greatly counted
    On re-naming her “Princess Staid”

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    The elites are starting to quake;
    Trumpzilla threatens to take
    Every voter in sight.
    They need a white knight;
    Cruz the hero? Give me a break…

  115. “Oh, dear,” said Miss Slade to her maid;
    “I fear that my ladle has strayed!”
    Though they searched for that ladle
    From cupboard to cradle,
    Miss Slade’s little ladle’s mislaid.

  116. Mark Kane says:

    A woman delayed getting laid.
    It seems she was deathly afraid
    Of catching the clap,
    From this handsome young chap.
    Her panties stayed on as they played.

  117. OK, I’m in. This multi=verse limerick responds to several blog and poetry prompts. (Thanks, MAD KANE, for another one!) It’s also for NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) and the April A to Z Blogging Challenge.

    Here’s where to find it:

    Abandon: A-Z verses from vintage visages

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dear mother always wore brocade
    She adored it so much; it was never mislaid
    She gave me a dress
    I had to say “yes”
    Now I look like a freaking old maid

  119. Lisi Nortman says:


    I seem to have mislaid
    My darling husband, Wade
    We’re just so alike
    We were on our hike
    I guess it must have been the grenade

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    We gave him ten dollars to sit for our cat
    He wanted ten more for watching our rat!
    “Go back to your house
    You greedy louse
    You’re getting no more and that is that”

  121. A faith healer from northwestern Dade
    Placed his hands on a lovely mermaid.
    When the creature did wail
    At the loss of her tail,
    He said lamely, “Perhaps it’s mislaid.”

    Robin Hood and Maid Marian strayed
    To a romantic glade in the shade
    He was sad to discover
    He was not her first lover –
    Friar Tuck turned this maid to miss laid.

    Though he dressed in a monk’s humble habit,
    Vows of poverty displeased the abbot.
    The sheer weight of his tax
    Broke the peasantry’s backs.
    He lusted for gold and to grab it.

  122. Allen Wilcox says:

    She felt a strong urge to get laid.
    In fact it became a crusade.
    Men found her vexatious,
    Extremely voracious.
    She made those she pursued sore afraid.


    He felt a strong urge to get laid.
    It fact it became a crusade.
    Women found him vexatious,
    Extremely voracious.
    He made those he pursued sore afraid.

  123. Dave Johnson says:

    The billionaire’s bluster and babble;
    A cringe-worthy gift to the rabble.
    Unhinged and absurd,
    His bleating is heard
    And reads like a bad game of Scrabble.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:


    The wind so fiercely swayed
    Causing his hair piece to become mislaid
    He stopped rambling on
    When he saw it was gone
    Then went into an utter tirade

  125. Lisi Nortman says:


    Grandma always displayed
    Antique bells, frequently mislaid
    When the earthquake struck
    The house was amok
    And the cows arrived in a mad parade

  126. Mark Kane says:

    Here’s a ‘Combo’ of ‘Greedy’ and ‘Laid’:

    In his life there are hundreds he’s laid.
    OK, many of them he has paid.
    But he’s greedy to do
    Still more who are new,
    As his trophy wife looks on dismayed.

  127. Phil Graham says:

    The girls’ school dean never delayed
    Saying this to each incoming maid,
    “When on dates, use a tether
    To keep thighs together,
    Ensuring they cannot be splayed.”

  128. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The butler had come, overstayed
    Irresponsible lust he displayed
    He misplaced where she lay
    For missed time, there’s no pay
    The laid pay-delayed maid was mislaid.

  129. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I heard a distraught centipede
    Complain to a smug millipede:
    “The question just begs
    Why do YOU have more legs?
    You are just a mutation of greed!”

  130. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Those Black Fridays are days filled with greed
    Where the shoppers create a stampede
    Boxing Day’s not enough?
    Life may get tough and rough
    As you buy all this stuff you don’t need.

    Tempting bargains would help you forget
    That there’s int’rest on top of the debt
    While you think you will ‘save’
    You’ll find out you’re a slave
    As you’re hit with a wave of regret.

    So live under your means; give up greed
    Pay off all of your debts; then you’re freed
    A belly well-fed
    And a roof o’er your head
    And some love in your bed’s all you need.
    (it’s indeed guaranteed you’ll succeed!)

    Your big debt load at least will have ONE dent
    Till it’s vanished, becoming redundant
    The stress will stop seething
    You’re once again breathing
    And living a life that’s abundant!

  131. Suzanne Heymann says:

    From the path straight and narrow, they strayed
    And the condom somehow got mislaid
    His impatient erection
    Came without protection
    And that’s why her period’s delayed.

  132. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The fellow was instantly swayed
    When she asked him, “Hey, wanna get laid?”
    But what he didn’t know –
    She had man parts below
    And the poor boy felt oh, so betrayed.

    The greed for free sex was displayed
    As his morals and caution decayed
    When he started messin’
    I couldn’t help guessin’
    He sure learned his lesson and paid!

  133. Dave Johnson says:

    His buddies all tried to get laid;
    But no one was making the grade.
    By doing the math
    With an uncharted path,
    In sewing class, he had it made.

  134. Dave Johnson says:

    The chapter on How to Get Laid
    May differ with many a maid.
    Some make a plot
    For the marbles you’ve got;
    While others just see how they’re played.

  135. Phil Graham says:

    Having heard ’bout their horny milk maid
    I drove out to a farm to get laid
    But my eyesight is failing;
    As I began flailing
    That piece of ass suddenly brayed!

  136. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Failure isn’t ‘defeat,’ just ‘delayed.’
    It’s a stepping stone life has just made
    If, preventing a fall
    Means do nothing at all
    Then your life will feel small and be staid.

    You do your best, plans are all laid
    So don’t bother to be so afraid
    If others will judge
    It’s a subconscious nudge
    Their own worth has a smudge, a low grade.

    Don’t let your self-confidence fade
    And stop thinking you have to ‘upgrade’
    Put your mask on some shelf
    And just be your own self
    Success will soon follow, self-made!

  137. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Hey Phil! I just noticed above, a little snippet of your autobiography.
    Let me respond…

    What’s wrong? Were your glasses mislaid?
    Seems your hormones are sharp as a blade
    Although somewhat blind
    You still managed to find
    A source of relief, unsurveyed!

  138. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There should be an agency made
    That helps the unlucky get laid
    Whether crippled or scary
    Too old or too hairy
    Or newbies who feel too afraid.

    There are those with a beautiful soul
    Whom no one will help fill that hole
    They too, need some lovin’
    Li’l pushin’ and shovin’
    Who otherwise can’t reach that goal.

  139. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Asked a fellow who sat in the shade
    “How the heck does a mermaid get laid?”
    Just go ask a sailor
    What he does to nail her
    I’m sure he gets somewhat delayed.

  140. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the GREED-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick of the Week 249

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Twist.