Limerick-Off Award (248)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins both the Limerick-Off Award and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:

When Marilyn stepped on the vent,
Her skirt billowed up like a tent.
The crowd loved the show,
Crying out “Way to go!”
And that is where Kennedy went.

Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the SIBLING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Dear Brother: I wooed Mrs. Lister,
But her husband broke in as I kissed her.
I’m now on the run
In the guise of a nun…
Yours truly, your brother the Sister.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, Ian Graham, Brian Allgar, Judith H. Block, Allen Wilcox, David Reddekopp, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tim James:

Two brothers set out to invent
A machine that could fly. So it went:
Though they had the Wright stuff,
They had troubles enough.
In the ground they left many a dent.


Marty Gerendasy:

Please excuse me, but I need to vent
’Cause the landlord just jacked up my rent.
What a dastardly deed
Based on nothing but greed.
I may have to go live in a tent.

Ian Graham:

No alibi could she invent
For her night in a wigwam with Brent.
“He’s a crook,” her folks curse.
“That makes it much worse.
It was done with a crim’nal in-tent.”

Brian Allgar:

Yes, the Donald knows how to invent
Vicious lies to incite discontent.
Though he’s boastful and shifty,
His ‘groupies’ score fifty –
That’s, roughly, IQ and percent.

Judith H. Block:

My darling, that’s not what I meant
By positions that we could invent.
While I’m all for hot sex
And did not provide specs,
A pretzel was not my intent!

Tim James:

A sailor lost ev’ry last cent
But the sex was a signal event.
While they rolled, yawed and pitched
She got greatly enriched
While he, like his money, got spent.

Allen Wilcox:

“It was what I was trying to prevent –
Going into the hole where I went.
It wasn’t my goal.
I missed the right hole.
It’s the way that my damn thing is bent.”

David Reddekopp:

There’s naught I can do to prevent
What the skies, I surmise, have now sent.
The snow is now falling.
I find it appalling.
It’s the winter of my discontent.

Will T. Laughlin:

In the spring, I met young Mrs. Trent,
Whose husband was agèd and bent.
A tentative kiss
Led to hours of bliss –
Though suspicion I tried to prevent.

I guessed no malicious intent
Months later, when Mr. Trent sent
Me a note to invite
Me to join them one night –
I agreed to attend the event.

“I’ve challenged my cook to invent
A new dish for you,” leered the old gent;
“A pity my mate
Will be joining us… late.”
Then he tittered. Now, what had he meant?

From the kitchen, and up through the vent
Came a strangely familiar scent…
Mixed with garlic and leeks.
How he laughed at my shrieks,
As out through the window I went.


Fred Bortz:

He once had a tomboyish sister
So commanding that none would resist her.
Then his sib stopped pretending.
“I’m done gender bending,”
He said. “You must now call me Mister.”

Will T. Laughlin:

The left half of Siamese twins
Berated her mate for his sins.
Cried he, “How the hell
Is a fellow to tell
Where you end, and your sister begins?!”

Dave Johnson:

Two brothers named Jason and Kevin
Show up at the gym before seven.
They don’t like to sweat;
Any six-pack they get
Will come from a 7-Eleven.

Will T. Laughlin:

Sure, kids are a pain in the tush…
But try being Barbara Bush:
At the end of your life
As a mother and wife,
Your illusions deflate with a whoosh,

And as you step out of your bubble, you
Are left with the facts. And they trouble you.
O the stigma! The shame
To the family name,
That the smartest Bush brother was W!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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