MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

The Outgoing Message I’d love To (But Probably Shouldn’t) Leave On My Answering Machine
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your party can’t come to the phone.
She’s at lunch or home sick.  Please don’t moan.
Leave a message, or not.
I don’t care — I’m a bot.
But my owner says, “Leave me alone!”

(For more phone-related verse, visit Sunday Scribblings.)

Technorati Tags: Telephone Verse, Answering Machine Limerick, Outgoing Messages, Phone Humor, Business Poem, Workplace Poetry

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is email and/or spam. First, my limerick:

I’m out of the office right now.
Do I hate answ’ring email? And how!
Missed your missive? I’m glad,
So I won’t say I’m sad.
Pester some other worker-bee. Ciao!

And now my three spam-related haiku:

Suffocating spam
Pours into my computer,
Drowning out meaning.

Virulent spammers
Take over my computer,
Devouring its core.

My email pours in,
The meaningful lost,
Strangled by spam.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about email and/or spam. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

UPDATE: The Mr. Linky site (which generates the Mr. Linky links) seems to be having technical problems. So if you’d like to add a link to your email or spam-themed verse, please put in the Comments for now.  When Mr. Linky starts working again, I’ll place your links into Mr. Linky myself.

Technorati Tags: Email Limerick, Spam Verse, Email Hell Humor, Writing Prompts, Career Humor

Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your umbrella can not have gone far.
Can’t believe how forgetful you are!
If we still had each cent
On umbrellas you’ve spent,
We’d have cash to put gas in our car.

Note: My otherwise wonderful husband has lost so many umbrellas over the years, our umbrella fund could actually gas up at least a dozen cars … even at today’s prices.

Thanks to Simply Snickers for the “umbrella” prompt, Weekend Wordsmith for the “torrential rain” prompt, and Sunday Scribblings for its “family” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Cars Limerick, Gas Price Humor, Absent-Mindedness, Family Verse, Money Poetry, Marriage Poems, Relationships Poetry, Weather Limerick, Husband Humor

Cautionary Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.

(Note:  This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Identity Theft Limerick, Reputation Humor, Writing Prompts, Assets Loss Verse, Legal Limerick, Money Verse, Credit Humor

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is dogs. First, my limerick:

Dear Puppy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear puppy, how long will it be
Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee?
They said you were bright,
But there’s no end in sight
To your accidents. Please try a tree.

And now my dogs haiku:

She comes between us,
Foiling our would-be embrace.
Dogged chaperone.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about dogs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dog-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Dog Verse, Puppy Poetry, Puppy Love, Writing Prompts, Pet Poems

Tripped Up By Traveling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s outrageous, a rip-off, a gyp
What we paid for that terrible trip.
And to make matters worse,
I lost baggage and purse.
I believe they went down with the ship.

Note: This was inspired by two prompts: rip and outrageous.  And speaking of poetry prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest limerick and haiku prompt, whose theme is temper.

Technorati Tags: Trip Humor, Travel Limerick, Writing Prompts, Ship Poem, Luggage Poetry, Rip-Off Humor, Vacation Verse

Ode To A Grudge-Holding Judge
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a federal judge
Who was famous for holding a grudge.
But his clerk found a way
To get him to say,
“I forgive you.” She bribed him with fudge.

Note: This was inspired by Weekend Wordsmith’s “carrying a grudge” prompt.  And speaking of poetry prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest limerick and haiku prompt, whose theme is temper.

Technorati Tags: Judge Humor, Legal Limerick, Writing Prompts, Federal Judiciary, Bribe Humor, Forgiveness Verse

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is temper. First, my limerick:

Ode to An Ill-Tempered Felon
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A felonious fellow named Mort
Went to jail cuz his temper was short.
He assaulted a mime,
Committing his crime
(And his tort) with a bottle of Port.

And now my temper haiku:

Losing his temper,
He screamed, cursed, and hurled books.
I guess he found it.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about temper. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

(Note: You may have noticed that my limerick contains some legal jargon. For more on poems containing specialized jargon, check out Read Write Poem.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your temper-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Bad Temper Humor, Legal Jargon Verse, Writing Prompts, Felon Humor, Assault Poetry, Tort Humor, Legalise Limerick

Dear Spring
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear spring, you are late once again. 
Yet you claim that you’ve been here, since when?
Thirty days?  That can’t be:
It’s still cold out, you see.
And some sun would be nice, now and then.

Note: I feel almost guilty posting this, since yesterday’s weather was delightful.  But a couple of days ago, when Totally Optional Prompts prompted me to write it, it was unseasonably cold.

Technorati Tags: Weather Verse, Seasonal Humor, Spring Limerick

I thought I was through bitching about taxes and the IRS for at least a few months.  But apparently not: 

Dear IRS
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear folks at the Fed IRS,
Your rules and your regs are a mess.
You’re unfair to the poor. 
Middle class?  Even more.
So beware, cuz I know your address.

Note to the FBI, the IRS, and Homeland Security: This is a humor blog, so please don’t arrest me. Thanks for … uh … listening. 

Technorati Tags: IRS Humor, Taxation Satire, Limericks, Tax Humor, Letter Poems, Money Verse, Tax Poetry 

Ode To An Earthquake (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s ‘71.  I awake
In LA to a 6.6 quake.
I feel nothing but terror
And curse out my error
In moving here. What a mistake!

Note: I graduated from Cal Arts in 1971.  Great school, but I could definitely have done without that  terrifying earthquake.

(You can find more quake verse here.)

Technorati Tags: Earthquake Humor, Natural Disasters, Quake Verse, Cal Arts Limerick, California Institute Of The Arts, Los Angeles Poem, LA Poetry

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is health. First, my limerick:

Maladjusted Men
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Maladjusted men sometimes say, “Doc, 
Chiropractic is naught but a crock. 
Your adjustments don’t work, 
You’re a sick, spineless jerk, 
And I’ll sue till you’re broke and in hock!”

And now my handy haiku:

My musical hands,
Stricken by carpal tunnel,
Betrayed by my wrists.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about health. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your health-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Chiropractic Humor, Health Limerick, Adjustments, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Writing Prompts

As you can probably tell, I was in a very bad mood when I wrote this limerick. (Tax filing season tends to do that to me.) 

But I was determined to write something using words from three different prompts in a single poem.  Why? I have absolutely no idea.   But here’s the product of a bud prompt, a fearless prompt and a flight prompt. For five points, can you name the person I’m describing in this limerick?

Ode To A Despicable Person
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hey bud, don’t pretend to be fearless.
In your cowardice, you’re nearly peerless.
You took flight from your duty.
Your record’s no beauty.
You ought to be jailed and careerless.

Update: Here’s a haiku using the same three prompts, with my thanks to hubby Mark for the first two lines:

“This Bud is on me,”
Said the fearless flight steward,
Handing her a rose.

Technorati Tags: Despicable Public Figures, Writing Prompts

Rivals
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An arrogant fellow named Kirk
Thought each of his rivals a jerk.
When he vied for promotion,
He caused a commotion.
Now arrogant Kirk’s out of work.

(This limerick was inspired by Writers Island’s “rivals” prompt. And speaking  of prompts, there’s plenty of time left to give my latest relatives-related poetry prompt a try.)

Technorati Tags: Work Humor, Competition Humor, Rivalry Verse, Arrogance Limerick

Creature of Habit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Shall I tell you our specials today?”
Asks the waiter, who knows what I’ll say:
“My regular, please.
Just a burger — no cheese.”
My order’s become a cliché.

(This was inspired by Weekend Wordsmith’s “what’s on the menu” prompt. And speaking  of prompts, there’s plenty of time left to give my family-related poetry prompt a try.)

Technorati Tags: Habits Humor, Restaurant Humor, Food Limerick, Writing Prompts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is relatives. (Thanks to Read Write Poem’s aunt prompt, which inspired this broader theme including any family member.) First, my limerick:

Crazy Aunts
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Crazy aunt in your fam’ly? Let’s see:
Does she scoff at conventions with glee?
Fail to act quite her age?
Give advice strangely sage?
In my fam’ly, the crazy aunt’s me.

And now my haiku:

He made an offer
That I just could not refuse:
Marital bliss.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about a relative. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have two whole weeks!  Why? Because I still haven’t started my tax return.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your family-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Family Limerick, Relatives Haiku, Writing Prompts, Family Verse, Aunt Poetry, Funny Relatives

Here in the U.S., tax return day (April 15th) is looming. So today’s limerick and haiku theme is taxes and tax returns or, if you prefer, forms that drive you nuts. First, my limerick:

Taxing Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My records are scattered.  Oh dear!
And tax filing day’s almost here.
My receipts are all over –
Some eaten by Rover.
I’m destined for prison, I fear.

And now my haiku:

Whether you owe cash
Or are due a tax refund
Filing is taxing.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about taxes and tax returns and/or forms that drive you nuts. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

1. paisley
2. Noah the Great
3 Tumblewords
4. XBox Wife
5. Robert

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your tax-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Tax Return Humor, IRS Poem, Writing Prompts, U.S. Taxes, April 15th Humor, Tax Refunds, Money Limerick, Annoying Forms

Déjà Views
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I could swear that I’ve been here before,”
Said the gal as she stepped through the door.
“And this déjà vu sense
Is making me tense.
I’m not sure I can take any more.”

“Just ignore it,” responded her mate.
“You’ve never spent time in this state.
It’s the house of our dreams,
And that’s why it seems
So familiar. Let’s buy it. It’s fate.”

(Inspired by Writers Island’s déjà vu prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest poetry prompt. How do you participate? Just write a limerick or haiku about poetry or writing and use Mr. Linky to post your themed link.)

Technorati Tags: Déjà Vu, House Hunting Limerick, Home Buying Humor, Poetry Prompts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is poems about poems or, if you prefer, poems about writing. First, my limerick about writing haiku:

Ode To The Haiku
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s seventeen-syllable verse —
Maybe less — yes it has to be terse.
What a challenge to do —
This form called haiku,
Whose brevity’s blessing and curse.

And here’s a pair of haiku about poetry, the first about writing limericks, the second about poetry writing in general:

Anapestic twists,
AABBA rhyme scheme.
Add wit and you’re home.

Ideas, thoughts, fragments
Of inspiration surge forth.
Poetry is born.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about poetry and/or writing in general. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your poetry-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Limerick About Haiku, Poetry Poems,  Haiku About Limericks, Writing Prompts

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is yards and/or gardens. First, my limerick: 

I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake.
So that pile—I ignored it,
But then was rewarded
With saplings—benign neglect’s wake.

And here’s my haiku: 

Milk, juice, chicken breasts
Plunged into backyard snow drifts:
My fridge on the fritz.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about yards and/or gardens. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. 

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

NOTE: This post was inspired in part by Read Write Poem’s tree prompt and Sunday Scribblings’ rooted prompt.

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your yard and/or garden-themed verse in the Comments.

Technorati Tags: Gardening Humor, Trees and Plantings, Benign Neglect, Kitchen Verse, Refrigerator Poetry, Fridge Poems, Backyard Snow