Archive for the ‘Limericks’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 18, 2020)

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITER’S BLOCK, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITER’S BLOCK-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 19, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 18, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Hail/Hale-rhyme limerick:

“Are you ailing? You look very pale;
Not your usual hardy and hale.”
“No, I think I’ll be fine,
Once I’ve guzzled some wine.
Seems I’ve just had my first taste of kale.”

And here’s my Writer’s Block-themed limerick:

My muse has, alas, gone on strike;
At best, it has taken a hike.
And I won’t say this twice —
I don’t want your advice:
Writing AIN’T just like riding a bike!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (447)

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Assuming the posture of lotus,
Buddha lifted his voice to give notice:
“You may chant on this knoll
If it pleases your soul —
But you’re gone if your mantra is ‘POTUS.’”

Congratulations to STEVE BENKO, who wins the Special WEAPON-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Said Lizzy, “I’m grabbing an axe,
And my mother I’ll give 40 whacks.
Though that may seem uncouth,
I’ve discovered the truth:
She writes checks to Republican PACs.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Elaine Person, Janice Power, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Tony Holmes, and Steve Benko. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SOLE/SOUL” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

Asked the sage of his student: “Young soul,
How is Donald J. Trump like a mole?”
Well, the boy was wise too
And his answer was true:
“Both their heads are lodged deep in a hole.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

“Though your homophones, Oscar, are droll,”
Mused Richard, “this piece on the whole…
Well, I like ti with bread,
But a note ‘pulling thread’?
Any chance you might brighten up sol?”

Elaine Person:

I just met a cool man named Cole,
Who played his guitar with great soul.
He asked, “Do you play?”
I replied, “In what way?”
For I had a non-music goal.

Tim James:

Many years from now, Trump bares his soul:
“I regret that I lost all control.
I renounce my bad acts!”
But it’s time to face facts:
There’s no WAY that he’s making parole.

Janice Power:

Making devil’s food cake was her goal;
On her fate, though, it took quite a toll.
For this offer she took
From the demon’s cookbook:
“For my recipe, sell me your soul.”

Brian Allgar:

The fish swam around in a shoal.
God was angry, and told them: “Your role
Should be worshipping Me!”
They said: “As you can see,
We’re sardines, and we don’t have a sole.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Three fiddlers who knew Old King Cole,
Scoffed, “THIS guy? A merry old soul?
You should see what an ass
He can be without grass,
So we fill up his pipe and his bowl.”

Brian Allgar:

Since “God’s Chosen One” is his role,
Well, of course Donald Trump has “a soul.”
But there’s one little twist:
Theologians insist
That it should be pronounced as “asshole.”

Dave Johnson:

Some researchers have a new goal:
Determine if Trump has a soul.
One summed it up best:
“It’s an arduous quest;
We’re combing a bottomless hole.”

Tony Holmes:

In denial, Dad spurned self-control,
And repeatedly loaded his bowl;
But it wasn’t the fries
That secured his demise,
But a hook that was left in the sole.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WEAPONS LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

There’s a reason I’ve no wish to trifle
With the likes of a pistol or rifle:
My aim’s more impressive
When passive-aggressive.
(More conspicuous urges, I stifle.)

Steve Benko:

Said Oog, “Me go hunt now with spear.”
But his wife said, “You full of lies, dear.
What you call ‘business trip’
Is excuse; I am hip
To what means your Neanderthal leer.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 4, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)

Saturday, June 20th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEAPONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WEAPON-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 5, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 4, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SOLE/SOUL-rhyme limerick:

When I ordered a French Dover sole,
My fish-dish arrived in a bowl.
“What’s THIS? Why no PLATE?”
I shouted, irate.
(My new rating is “Dinnerware Troll.”)

And here’s my WEAPONS-themed limerick:

What’s my weapon of choice? It is words.
Guns and rifles and knives? For the birds!
Kill or maim? Not my aim.
(Please don’t make me shoot game!)
I’m just one of those bookwormy nerds.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (446)

Saturday, June 20th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for his funny limerick, inspired by this news item: “NYC Health Dept. urges New Yorkers to consider wearing face masks during sex.”

Social distancing leads me to drink;
Into boredom and torpor I sink.
“Take advantage,” they say,
“Of the new games to play!”
A masked ball, though, just isn’t my kink.

Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Special PUNCTUATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Tell me: Why must there be so much drama
Regarding the use of a comma
Instead of a period?
Yee gads! The myriad
Rules give me scholarly trauma.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Wayne Feder Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Steve Whitred, Will T. Laughlin, Tony Holmes, Ken Gosse, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SINK/SYNC” RHYME DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

How low can the President sink?
Is there nothing from which he will shrink?
All his statements are lies;
That includes (no surprise!)
Any sentence beginning “I think …”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

My machines grow increasingly clever,
Well equipped for most any endeavor.
Some will talk, some just think —
Either way, they’re in sync,
And have no use for me whatsoever.

Tim James:

His boat is now deep in the drink.
How’d it happen? He started to link
The computer on board
With his cell phone. “Good lord!”
He cried out as he watched the boat sync.

Wayne Feder:

Four years will pass by in a wink,
Then Don will have more time to think.
My guess, five to ten,
In a six by eight pen,
With just a commode and a sink.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone, on Synchronized Swimming:

I felt so dejected and blue
After reading “The Swimming Review.”
Seems one swimmer “in sync”
Sadly drowned from a drink,
So the other ones had to drown too.

Steve Whitred:

My fridge is beginning to stink
And potatoes grow under the sink.
The grass is as high
As a field full of rye,
But I’ll watch one more ‘Ozark’ I think.

Will T. Laughlin:

The name of the band was N’Sync.
I tried them, to see what I’d think,
But I soon had enough
Of such juvenile stuff…
They should call them N’Toilet. They stink.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PUNCTUATION LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

Punctuation in Spanish is cool.
“Put the marks at the start” is the rule.
“Turn them upside-down” too.
¿Es verdad? Is that true?
¡Por supuesto! Of course! I’m no fool!

Tony Holmes:

You can make a good point with a dash;
Gives your writing that something – panache!
But beware of abuse –
Be judicious in use –
Thus avoiding dismissal as “Brash!”

Lisi Nortman:

The Kanes took a walk in the park.
Mad shrieked, “Wow! that dog sure can bark!”
Hubby said, “It’s a deer.
You are wrong. Can’t you hear?”
(Mad knows she should not question Mark.)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Semicolons, I think, are intended
For a thought, if it’s split, to be mended.
But I must say “Amen!”
To the semi paren
(Which keeps discourse like this open-ended

Ken Gosse:

A persnickety writer once wrote
Punctuation should help to connote
And to clarify meaning,
Requiring preening
That’s used to enlighten, not smote.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

John painted a beautiful mural,
Depicting a scene that is rural.
It is called “Country View’s.”
But why’d this fool use
An apostrophe right in a plural?

Tim James:

The apostrophes often abused;
Lot’s of people dont know how its used.
They cant grasp, though they try,
All the rule’s that apply.
There are time’s even I get confused.

Fred Bortz:

I’m writing a note to Obama
Asking how to resist all the drama
That comes from Trump’s tweeting,
Protesting, and bleating.
I’ve begun “Dear Barack” and a comma.

Now I’m wondering, as I get rollin’,
Does “Barack” make it sound like I’m trollin’?
It’s clearly not normal
To be so informal.
I’ll start with “Dear Sir” and a colon.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)

Saturday, June 6th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PUNCTUATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PUNCTUATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 21, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SINK/SYNC-rhyme limerick:

I’m teetering right on the brink,
And it feels like my life’s out of sync.
I’m off of my feed.
So what do I need?
A shrink? Or another stiff drink?

And here’s my PUNCTUATION-themed limerick:

“You’ve a problem: You drink too much, pop.”
That comma’s essential – full stop!
Cuz without it the drinker
Is any old stinker…
And the bev’rage? Non-alcohol slop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (445)

Saturday, June 6th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

As her dance reached its physical peak,
Her kid brother called out this critique:
“Swing your butt side to side
In an arc high and wide!”
Yes, the twerp thinks her twerk needs a tweak.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special RUDENESS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

While tending a gardening chore,
A T-shirt is all that he wore.
His bent-over stance
Drew a passerby’s glance;
An asshole she tried to ignore.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Will T. Laughlin, Brian Allgar, Wayne Feder, and Tony Holmes. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “PEAK/PEEK/PIQUE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO RUDENESS LIMERICKS)

Steve Whitred:

There’s a woman in Queens, have you guessed?
Puts our limerick skills to the test.
If at her you feel pique
Or the urge to critique,
Just remember she’s doing her best.

So don’t gripe, grumble, grouse, and don’t brood.
Don’t be churlish, self-centered, or rude.
I must say this because
We all love what she does
And don’t like when her good work is booed.

Sharon Neeman:

As the lockdown relaxes this week,
My gray hair’s sticking up in a peak,
All my frocks are too tight,
My complexion’s a fright,
And I haven’t a shred of mystique.

It’s all true, I admit it — but, dude,
Did you honestly buy me a snood?
And what’s THIS thing — a sack?
That’s no dress! Take it back…
No, you KNOW what? Go pack! You’re too rude!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PEAK/PEEK/PIQUE” RHYME DIVISION)

Jean McEwen:

“Kiss my ass!” Peter shrieked in fake pique.
So obligingly, Mel, who is meek.
Felt compelled to submit
And to lick it a bit–
Unaware it was all “tongue in cheek.”

Steve Whitred:

Well, I once had a fling with a freak,
And her fetish was fairly unique;
She was awesome in bed,
But what filled me with dread
Was when Polly her parrot would peek.

Cuz, not only did Pollyanne peek,
But my paramour taught her to speak.
She’d say “Squack!” And “Oh blast
Don’t you want this to last?”
And, “I’m not touching that with my beak!”

Lisi Nortman:

On our drive, things were suddenly bleak.
I started to shake and felt weak,
Cuz we noticed a sign
That said, “Crafts By Design,”
Then heard, “Honey, let’s take a quick peek.”

Dave Johnson:

Pelosi unleashed a critique;
That Trump was just wimpy and weak.
On Twitter she found
That her message was sound;
She’d climbed to the top of his pique.

Tim James:

I’m a Luddite, a lazy old chap.
High-tech smart phones? I don’t give a rap.
But my int’rest would peak
If some talented geek
Wrote a program to download a nap.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

“Grab a Bible, a church, and a cop,
And a camouflage outfit — chop-chop!”
When they heard Kushner speak —
His excitement at peak —
They all knew that it meant Photo Op!

Will T. Laughlin:

From his bunker, King Trump risks a peek…
Then utters a terrified shriek:
“The election’s suspended!
Democracy’s ended!
I just saw a PROTESTOR! Eeek!!”

Brian Allgar:

Donald’s mood is far worse than mere pique;
He’s so angry, he barely can speak.
“I rely on Fox guys
To support all my lies,
But they said something TRUTHFUL this week!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RUDENESS LIMERICK DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

My life is much better, I find,
If I’m courteous, thoughtful and kind.
You, who label me rude:
Shove your dumb attitude
Up your BIG STUPID STINKY BEHIND.

Brian Allgar:

I’d invited a girl home to “play,”
And it should have been my lucky day.
She was nude, she was rude,
But she never got screwed,
Since I had to stay six feet away.

Tim James:

“Open up!” screams the mob, right on cue,
And they really don’t care whom they screw.
They’re aggressive and rude
’Cause they want sit-down food
Plus a haircut, massage, and tattoo.

Wayne Feder:

When Trump’s at the journalists’ throats,
Or getting the med experts’ goats,
Is his rudeness the work
Of a maniacal jerk?
Or is Donald just sowing his oats?

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Said the Judge, “You’re an impudent floozy —
A churlish, impertinent doozy!”
“Do go on,” said the wench
While she stood at the bench.
“As compliments go, I ain’t choosy.”

Tony Holmes:

“Quite apart from the fact that you’re crude,
That your speech is with expletives strewed,
What has irked me the most
Is contempt for our host,
And cavorting around in the nude!”

Dave Johnson:

Alexa’s new skill will include
An effort to lighten the mood:
Proclaiming her stress
With the buttons you press;
“Don’t touch me there – you are so rude!”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

“Off with their heads!” screamed the Queen.
Cried Alice, “That’s mean and obscene!”
“No, it’s not — it’s just rude,
’Cause I’m in a bad mood.
You should see what gets lopped when I’m mean.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: NEW SUBMISSION DEADLINE: JUNE 6, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern) [DUE TO NOT ENOUGH ENTRIES] Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line

Saturday, May 9th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PEAK or PEEK or PIQUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RUDENESS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RUDENESS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 7, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 6, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my PEAK/PEEK/PIQUE-rhyme limerick:

As anxieties surge to their peak,
We are called on to try not to freak.
Yes, it’s tough for us all,
And our world seems so small,
But we’re neither alone, nor unique.

And here’s my RUDENESS-themed limerick:

A fellow would cut to the chase,
Saying “Get to the point,” with no grace.
Staffers hated his ’tude,
And his boss thought him rude.
As for women he chased — they used Mace.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (444)

Saturday, May 9th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Moaned a mugger while reading a graph,
Showing street crime diminished by half:
“Now that all my marks hide
Under masks when outside,
If I say ‘Stick ’em up!’ they just laugh.”

Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Special CHALLENGE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

During Scrabble a challenge is heard,
But a penalty won’t be incurred;
The letter formation
Receives vindication,
’Cause the player’s as good as his word.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

The challenge was born on a dare;
That couple would screw in mid-air.
Their skydiving hump
After making the jump;
An aerial tryst then and there.

Connected, they dropped from the plane;
Then banging like they were insane.
Their downward descent
Was a naughty event,
Unfolding above the terrain.

The landing was soft in the end;
But maybe the start of a trend.
“Fantastic!” they said;
“Way more fun than in bed;
The next time, we’re bringing a friend.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Steve Whitred, Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Will T. Laughlin, Patrice Stewart, Steven Frakt, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sharon Neeman, and Daisy Hyrkas. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SIDE or SIGHED” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CHALLENGES LIMERICKS)

Tim James:

It’s a challenge to stand by the side
Of a guy whose cerebrum is fried.
Take a bow, Dr. Fauci;
Try not to be grouchy.
Don’t fret; it’s not you we deride.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SIDE or SIGHED” RHYME DIVISION)

Steve Whitred:

In Canada people are smart;
Public health measures taken to heart,
Like the rule that’s applied
When we’re working outside:
“Stay a caribou’s distance apart.”

Brian Allgar:

Donald Trump takes extravagant pride
In his intellect. “Can’t be denied,
I’m incredibly smart!
My IQ’s off the chart –
See, that’s me, on the far left-hand side.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

My owner and I used to nuzzle,
But not any more, (what a puzzle!)
At first I just sighed,
Then I broke down and cried…
And also he’s stolen my muzzle.

Will T. Laughlin:

“War President!” Turgid with pride,
Trump trumpets the words far and wide.
But no leader before
In the time of a war
Chose to fight on the enemy’s side.

Patrice Stewart:

’Twas a challenge to turn on her side,
As the double bed wasn’t that wide.
But she lifted one thigh,
Rolled and caught him – first try,
And their passion would not be denied.

Steve Frakt:

The sad chicken just sat there and cried;
Couldn’t cross to the road’s other side.
Though this tale may evoke
The world’s oldest joke,
That highway was just too damn wide.

Tim James:

If there’s one thing I cannot abide
It’s to “shelter in place” (i.e., hide.)
I endure this bad dream
With a pint of ice cream
And an order of fries on the side.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Donald Trump with Mike Pence at his side
Gives new meaning to Jekyll and Hyde.
No, wait – that’s too kind,
So if you don’t mind,
Let’s go with Godzilla and Bride.

Steve Whitred:

On the PornHub she’s kinky and brave.
She has fetishes; master and slave,
Sixty-nine or astride,
On their knees or their side…
But that maskless taboo is her fave.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CHALLENGES LIMERICK DIVISION)

Will T. Laughlin:

I’m tensing my muscles with dread
As I think of the challenge ahead.
I push through the hurt,
All my strength to exert —
And… I’VE DONE IT! I got out of bed.

Sharon Neeman:

Although challenges surely abound,
I’m determined to win in this round —
Not just vanquish the tomb
Using masks, soap and Zoom,
But avoid even one extra pound.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

“I am speaking to you on behalf
Of the President’s bumbling staff.
The challenge today
Is to hear what he’ll say,
And the winner’s the one who won’t laugh.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

It’s a challenge to follow this credo:
“When in public don’t flaunt your libido.”
But now that our tasks
Involve wearing masks,
We can flaunt all we want incognito!

Will T. Laughlin:

From watching Trump’s briefings, we’ve seen
The infection is deadly and mean.
Though the threat is severe,
We’ll defeat it — no fear!
(Then go on to fight COVID-19…)

Daisy Hyrkas:

The challenge is how to stay fit;
My muscle tone’s taken a hit.
I lay in my bed
And remain in my head.
In other words, I don’t do shit.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIDE or SIGHED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 9, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern Time)

Saturday, April 25th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SIDE or SIGHED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CHALLENGES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CHALLENGE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 9 or 10, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 9, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.) PLEASE NOTE THE NEW, EARLIER DEADLINE!

Here’s my SIDE-Rhymed limerick:

’Twas deceptively lovely outside,
But a problem was readily spied:
Though the sun was a-glitter,
No humans! (No litter!)
I retreated — electing to hide.

And here’s my CHALLENGE-themed limerick:

Feeling trapped in your house? Join the crowd!
(Except joining a crowd ain’t allowed.)
Though our viral constraints
May be cause for complaints,
We must cope with the challenge unbowed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (443)

Saturday, April 25th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

After thinking about it, I choose
To accept that Corona’s no ruse.
Why is that? I’ll explain:
I’ve a functioning brain.
Right-wing refuse I firmly refuse.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special PLAN-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

The romantic encounter he’d planned
Turned out to be way less than grand.
As things went awry,
He was left with “Goodbye…”
Along with “Hello Mr. Hand.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Steve Whitred, Susan Settje, Wayne Feder, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Jean McEwen, John Shardlow, Tim James, Roger Haugen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Tim Gray. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “FUSE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PLAN LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

“To ensure my election success,
There’s a thing that I plan to suppress –
Postal voting! I’d lose,
So I’m gonna refuse
Any bailout for USPS.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FUSE” RHYME DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

“I’m planning a dinner,” said she;
“How very delightful!” said we,
“But the rules in the news
Say we have to refuse…”
“No,” she shrugged, “it’s just ramen, for me.”

Steve Whitred:

What a mystery needs is some clues,
And what dynamite needs is a fuse.
Coming later this Fall,
For the sake of us all:
What the GOP needs is to lose.

Susan Settje:

Gone are days when the only fake news
Was in tabloids and meant to amuse;
When Cronkite and Rather
Didn’t simper or blather
Or tell lies that are meant to confuse.

Wayne Feder:

Some folks are just learning the news
That Trump has a very short fuse.
It shouldn’t surprise;
Just look at the size
Of his hands and his very small shoes.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Another acrostic? Admit:
When it comes to this task, you’re unfit.
For your own good, refuse,”
Uttered one honest Muse.
Look, you’re bad at this, REALLY. Now quit.”

Jean McEwen:

Several months ago, Carnival Cruise
Had a deal that we couldn’t refuse.
But I fear the damn virus
Will, sadly, require us
To bail (and fend off those “ah-choos.”)

Steve Whitred:

Told the barkeep some humorous news,
And she listened; she couldn’t refuse.
But instead of applause
Giggles, grins, or guffaws,
All I got from the barmaid was booze.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (PLAN LIMERICK DIVISION)

John Shardlow:

From a Potus who rates himself ‘great,’
This plan ought to carry some weight:
For Covid infection,
A Clorox injection.
Make sure that his jacket is ‘strait.’

Sharon Neeman:

On “Dancing with Stars” Jim had fans,
But an accident ruined his plans.
Hearing “Rrrrrrip!” in the final,
He found his tights (vinyl)
Were really his dance partner Ann’s.

Steve Whitred:

“For the people”, Ms. Harris began,
And Ms. Warren said “I have a plan.”
Amy Klobs made a plea,
But what scuttled all three
Was that none of these gals is a man.

Tim James:

He had planned on a cruise, the poor schlub.
Then the virus came. Ay, there’s the rub.
He is now quite bereft.
There’s but one option left:
That’s to play with toy boats in the tub.

Roger Haugen:

While thinking deep thoughts on the can,
He delivered himself of a plan:
He’d leave his old wife
To start a new life
And indulge in his yen for Japan.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Here is something to do when depressed:
Make nice plans, so you won’t feel distressed.
But remember, my friend,
I do recommend
That at some point, you need to get dressed.

Tim James, for his “A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.”

When my limerick effort began —
On this man, the canal, and his plan —
I emitted a curse
While constructing the verse:
That damn palindrome just wouldn’t scan.

Tim Gray:

If you think that you can’t, you are right.
Of this fact you must never lose sight.
The obvious plan
Is to think that you can,
And the chances increase that you might.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 25, 2020)

Saturday, April 11th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PLANS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PLAN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 26, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 25, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my REFUSE-rhyme limerick:

There are times I’m inclined to refuse
To read any national news
Cuz it’s all so depressing
And oh so distressing.
Remember when news could amuse?

And here’s my PLANS-themed limerick:

A fellow was trying to pitch
A plan that would “make us all rich.”
But a glitch in his scheme
Made it clear to the team
He was naught but a get-rich-scheme snitch.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (442)

Saturday, April 11th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to STEVE WHITRED, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Social distancing now is my thing.
I’ve a mask I secure with a string.
But until there’s a cure,
With my hands I’m unsure:
Should I sanitize, wash, or just wring?

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special FEAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Fearful rabbis declare we’ll be dead
If we celebrate Pesach with bread.
I say: “God has more sense
(Well, He must; He’s not Pence…);
Can He kill superstition instead?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Susan Settje, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Thomas Vincent, Tony Holmes, Roger Haugen, Brian Allgar, Dale S. Biggs, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Steve Whitred, and Steve Benko. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “RING/WRING” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO FEAR LIMERICKS)

Susan Settje:

We know Stoker and Lovecraft and King.
We’ve seen Jackson and Poe do their thing.
Lock the door, dim the light,
And prepare for a fright,
For ev’ry last quiver they’ll wring.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Shouted Thal, “I’ve invented the ring!”
Said Neander, “Go hide that damn thing.
Chiseled rocks with round holes —
What if one of them rolls?
Thal, I fear what the future will bring!”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RING/WRING” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

A boxer with insight to spare
Fought a bout, then was heard to declare:
“It’s a curious thing.
We all call this a ‘ring’ —
So why is it shaped like a square?”

David Reddekopp:

There once was a man from Quebec,
Who proposed to his girl on the deck.
What he brought, for the bling,
Was a cheap plastic ring,
So the girl started wringing his neck.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

The mini-bar’s stocked with libation;
The fluffed pillows suggest hibernation;
There’s a bell I can ring
Should I need anything.
Who will answer? Just me on staycation.

Thomas Vincent:

Said a wizened prize fighter named Bing,
“You can cover your body with bling.
But it won’t change a thing,
If you ain’t got no swing;
They’ll be carting you out of the ring.”

Tony Holmes:

My new girl is an old-fashioned thing
And as such, is averse to a fling.
She will kiss – and we pet,
But no nookie: “Not yet!
If you want me, just give me a ring.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

A loud voice to the chorus he’ll bring,
But his notes have a flat, hollow ring:
“Dough dough dough!” – out they roll,
“Me me me!” — but where’s soul?
So I tune out when Trump starts to sing.

Tim James:

A soprano, a devious thing,
Was a part of a criminal ring.
She got busted, but knew
How to rat out her crew;
So when questioned, she started to sing.

Roger Haugen:

They conducted a passionate fling
That lasted through most of the Spring;
“I’m pregnant,” she cried,
He laughed and replied,
“I suppose you’re expecting a ring?”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (FEAR LIMERICK DIVISION)

Brian Allgar:

“I’m pregnant! I’m frightened to tell
My old man – he’ll be angry as hell!”
“Just lie to the guy –
Say an angel stopped by,
And some Heavenly Spirit as well.”

Dale S. Biggs:

Said a priest to his flock, “Never fear…
For to God you are precious and dear.
Though a pain in the ass,
COVID-19 will pass–
With assistance from pizza and beer.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Now folks, let me say something brief
’Bout my honest and solid belief:
Let your fright disappear;
There is nothing to fear…
(Except the “Commander-In-Chief.”)

Brian Allgar:

Am I writing a foul villanelle? No!
A pantoum or a French kyrielle? No!
These forms simply suck;
Compared to such muck,
Do limericks frighten me? Hell, no!

Dave Johnson:

It has now become perfectly clear
That our nation has plenty to fear.
To fuel our demise,
Trump incessantly lies
While nitwit Repugnicans cheer.

David Reddekopp:

With a bellow that sounds insincere
Says the Prez: “Lo, the Donald is here!
With the brains that I bring
I will fix everything!”
Mr. Trump, that is what we all fear.

Steve Whitred:

In those horror films, girls are dispatched,
But I’ve never thought I would get snatched,
Cuz their endings get met
In a lingerie set,
Whereas none of my underwear’s matched.

Steve Benko:

Until now, I quite happily paid
When the need would arise to get laid.
With protection, the risk
Was just slipping a disc,
But mere breathing now makes me afraid.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Yet Another Pandemic Challenge (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 1st, 2020

The pandemic is causing a strain
On emotional health. What a bane!
We feel trapped! Tempers flare!
Can’t escape! I need air!
(Hey divorce lawyers, look for a gain.)

Who Hasn’t Had This Problem? (Limerick)

Monday, March 30th, 2020

It seems nothing I need is in stock.
I keep checking out stores, block by block.
They’ve been bought out by hoarders
And raging marauders…
Though I DID find a dusty pet rock.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RING or WRING at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 11, 2020)

Saturday, March 28th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RING or WRING at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FEAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FEAR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 12,2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 11, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my RING/WRING-rhyme limerick:

If I tell you to “give me a ring,”
Please know I’m not asking for bling.
(That would take lots of gall!)
No, I just want a call…
Though I’d settle for text or a ping.

And here’s my FEAR-themed limerick:

Excess staring can make women fearful;
Especially looks that seem leerful.
And pandemics will boost
The unease that’s induced…
Like right now, I’d prefer someone sneerful.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (441)

Saturday, March 28th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Just the thought of my girlfriend’s name, Iris,
Freaks me out in this time of the virus.
I know it’s not fair,
But I’m filled with despair,
And of Iris, no longer desirous.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special SCAM-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“We must cut Covid numbers by half!”
Warned the head of Trump’s Re-elect Staff.
“Just give me a minute,”
Said Donald. “I’ll spin it–
Now hand me that Sharpie and graph.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Dave Johnson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sharon Neeman, Brian Allgar, Steve Whitred, and Steve Benko. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

His blind date was an awkward affair.
They had said, “She has brains; she has flair
And, by God, can she sing!”
The unfortunate thing:
She looked much more like Sonny than Cher.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Got a dog for my wife at “Town Square.”
It’s a dachshund with black and white hair.
He sits and he stays
And always obeys.
I must say that the trade was quite fair.

Dave Johnson:

The film was a sexy affair;
It’s actors were chosen with care.
But one would resist
As she tried to insist
Her partner was too hard to bare.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Life was more than Rapunzel could bear.
From her tower she cried, “It’s not fair!
I’m expecting the Prince,
But I’ve run out of rinse,
And I can’t do a thing with my hair!”

Tim James:

Debussy wrote a piece called “La Mer”
(Which is French for “The Sea,” if you care.)
When I first heard it played,
The impression it made
Was so real that I tossed that night’s fare.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (SCAM LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sharon Neeman:

First he swore we would have a great time,
But he fleeced me of every last dime.
Then I found I was sick —
Not just COVID, but tick-
Borne disease… yes, Corona with Lyme.

Brian Allgar:

I was broke till last summer, but since,
I’ve grown rich. Here’s a couple of hints
For a scheme that can’t fail:
Offer money by mail,
And pretend you’re an African prince.

Tim James:

Charles Ponzi let pyramids crash.
Michael Milken sold bonds that were trash.
S&L mogul Keating
Got busted for cheating,
And Bernie Madoff with the cash.

Steve Whitred:

Blah, blah, blah, [insert word salad here.]
Blah, blah, blah, you have nothing to fear.
It’s a scam. It’s a hoax.
Let’s get back to work folks.
Kiss your Granny while you can still see ’er.

Steve Benko:

When I heard of Nigerian oil,
It sounded according to Hoyle.
Turns out I got fleeced,
But when mad I’m a beast;
As a hit man I’ve hired a mohel.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 28, 2020)

Saturday, March 14th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FAIR or FARE or AFFAIR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCAMS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCAM-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 29, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 28, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my FAIR-rhyme limerick:

I went shopping, but most shelves were bare;
Stocking up is a hopeless affair.
Seems most staples are made
In China. Well-played,
U.S. businesses! Great planning there!

And here’s my SCAM-themed limerick:

Though I’m loath to discount and cast darts
At a curative aspect of farts,
Any fat-fighting claim
Sounds a little bit lame.
If it dupes you, you likely lack smarts.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (440)

Saturday, March 14th, 2020

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A pilot was taken aback
By a sudden, fierce counterattack.
He approached with great care
On a wing and a prayer —
And got slapped in the face by a WAC.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special TOY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

After both of the kids were asleep,
Buzz Lightyear would quietly creep
Into Mom’s private room
For a quick va-va-voom!
(Did he tire of little Bo Peep?)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Whitred, Suzanne Heymann, Daisy Hyrkas, Dave Johnson, Steven Frakt, Thomas Vincent, Delano Britt, Fred Bortz, Tim James, Kirk Miller, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Ken Gosse, Sjaan VandenBroeder, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BACK/ABACK” RHYME DIVISION)

Stephen Whitred:

Said the cannibal holding a sack,
“Here’s a hussy to cook us a snack.”
But her lumbar tattoo
Would just ruin the stew,
So I doubt they’ll be having her back.

Suzanne Heymann:

Her ex beat her up, blue and black,
But her brothers would soon pay him back;
On a railroad they’d heap
(And tie up) this dumb creep.
You could say that they kept him on track.

Daisy Hyrkas:

Since I just can’t afford a Big Mac,
I check out the dumpster in back.
I sift through the litter
And fight off a critter,
Before giving up on my snack.

Dave Johnson:

She called him a liberal hack;
“You Trump-loving shill!” he shot back.
They’re at it again;
That’s the dialogue when
The Conways are hitting the sack.

Steven Frakt:

A flea and a fly ventured back
To the flue they had fled through a crack;
They did not much care
For the cold outside air.
Now they’re happy, for those keeping track.

Thomas Vincent:

Donald says that we have to strike back,
Cuz the White House is under attack.
For recession or flu,
It is clear what to do:
We will just blame it all on Barack.

Delano Britt:

There once was a gal with a knack.
For lying all day on her back.
Though I know it is cheesy
To say she is easy,
Even God couldn’t keep her on track.

Fred Bortz:

A bimbo who wanted a “rack”
Found out that her doc was a quack
When she woke from her op
And discovered her top
Had voluptuous breasts in the back.

Tim James:

When he heard that a gal in a shack
Did her job lying flat on her back,
He guffawed like a schmuck.
(She was fixing a truck.)
He’s a jerk with a mind that’s one-track.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

The Pandemic we’re currently braving
Has required new ways of behaving:
Do not greet with a smack,
If you’re breathing, stand back,
And trade foreplay for long-distance waving.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TOY LIMERICK DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

Toy store owners are asking themselves
About drones, so each one of them delves
Into records of sales,
And the trend that prevails
Is that drones have been flying off shelves.

Jean McEwen:

As much as I hate to be crass,
I have to come clean, doc. Alas,
I got carried away.
With some intimate play.
Now a butt plug has lodged up my ass.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Most toddlers are not at all coy,
And we watch them with pleasure and joy.
They will play with a box
Or with Grandpa’s old socks,
Cause anything serves as a toy.

Ken Gosse:

A birthday’s a time of great joy
For ev’ry good girl and good boy,
But as we get older
And joints get much colder,
We feel like a kid’s broken toy.

Suzanne Heymann:

If you’re poor and your children are boys
When they can’t have some fun, they make noise.
So without acting chilly,
Say, “Play with your willy;
You don’t need some silly old toys.”

Brian Allgar:

I started to strip her with glee,
But I knew she was toying with me
When the object I felt
Was a chastity-belt,
And she claimed she’d forgotten the key.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

An Upside To Social Distancing (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 11th, 2020

Headline: “Coronavirus is changing the way the world says ‘hello'”

Social distancing sounds fine to me!
No more hand-shaking, hugging? Whoopee!
Fewer kisses to duck?
Well that surely won’t suck!
(They are hard to fend off when you’re wee.)

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BACK or ABACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 14, 2020)

Saturday, February 29th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BACK or ABACK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TOYS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 15, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 14, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BACK/ABACK-rhyme limerick:

I’m confused and bewildered, alack,
Cuz I can’t decide which pol to back.
Ousting Trump is a must!
But whom can we trust
To keep Donald’s eviction on track?

And here’s my TOY-themed limerick:

Whenever I hear lots of noise,
I suspect that it’s men and their toys:
A new tool, scooter, car,
Or (Oy Vey!) a GUITAR!
Loud? Annoying? It’s catnip to boys!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!