Archive for the ‘Mothers & Fathers Humor’ Category

Pat Parental Retorts (Limerick)

Saturday, August 27th, 2016

Parents dish out some phrases with glee:
“Just because!” “Cuz I said so!” “We’ll see!”
“Till you pay your own way,
You must do what I say!”
“Do you think money grows on a tree?”

Happy “Just Because Day!” (Aug. 27)

I Wrote This Limerick “Just Because”

Tuesday, August 27th, 2013

When I was a child, I hated the words “just because,” a favorite parental “explanation.” And yet there’s a “Just Because Day,” celebrated on August 27th by people who look at those words rather differently.

I Wrote This Limerick “Just Because”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The parental retort,”Just because,”
Is a stale and inadequate clause.
Moms might just as well say
“It’s the law, so obey!”
Or, hemmed in, just try hemming and haws.

Motherly Angst (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

Motherly Angst (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A mom at the end of her rope
Said “It’s hopeless! I simply can’t cope.
Both the food and the band
Appear to be canned.
The rest of my kids must elope!”

Happy Mother’s Day!

Freelance Mothering

Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

This feels vaguely appropriate for Mother’s Day:

Freelance Mothering (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Be it newspapers, Web, magazines,
Mistakes are in print and on screens:
Though I’ve NO kids to nag,
I once learned in a mag:
I’m the very proud mother of teens.

True story: Many years ago I wrote several freelance humor columns for Family Circle Magazine, one of which was a “humorous contract” between parents and their teen about learning to drive.

I’ll never forget standing on a long line at the supermarket and spotting the issue I was scheduled to appear in, near the cash register. I grabbed the magazine, turned to the back page and excitedly started to read.

Everything look great … until I got to the bio note, which should have read: “Madeleine Begun Kane is a New York-based freelance humor columnist and lawyer.”

Instead, it read, “Madeleine Begun Kane is the mother of teens.”

And no, I do NOT have any children … unless, of course, you count my hubby Mark.

A Fishy Tale (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

Yesterday, when I posted this anecdote about my mother-in-law on Facebook, several friends urged me to turn it into a limerick. And so, I’ve done just that. (My limerick is right below the anecdote.)

True story: Sunday night, Mark kept anxiously re-dialing his elderly mother. When she finally answered, her voice sounded very upset as she said, “A terrible thing happened.” Then she paused, as Mark’s heart skipped several beats.

His mother’s next words were: “They stopped making my salmon.”

(She was referring to her favorite canned salmon, which actually is still available, but was out of stock in the two stores she’d been to.)

And now, the limerick:

A Fishy Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Something awful has happened,” she cried,
And then paused. We thought someone had died.
That’s Mark’s mom at her best:
Her horror expressed
About salmon no longer supplied.

Mental Limerick

Tuesday, July 24th, 2012

Poets United has a fun vice-versa challenge this week: Use all four of these words in any type of poem: Allow, Deny, Harsh, & Gentle. Here’s what I came up with:

Mental Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who denied being “mental,”
Was at times rather harsh, sometimes gentle.
He had one sacred cow:
He would never allow
A critique of his units parental.

Gunning For Father Of The Year? (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

Taking your baby son with you when visiting a hooker is probably unwise:

A man in Tuscaloosa may be charged with child endangerment after taking along his nine month old son during a meeting with a prostitute.

Once inside the motel room, another man entered and a fight broke out. Shots were fired while the baby was in the room, and a bullet grazed the father’s head.

Gunning For Father Of The Year?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear dads, if your kid’s under one,
And you’re looking for prostitute fun,
A sitter’s a must;
Else forget about lust,
Or be labeled a son of a gun.

The Astute Dad (Limerick)

Friday, June 15th, 2012

The Astute Dad (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A dad who was very astute
Always yearned for good Father’s Day loot,
But for decades got ties
That were hard on the eyes.
He exchanged forty ties for a suit.

(Linked at Poetry Jam, which asks us to celebrate.)

Just In Time For Father’s Day

Saturday, June 18th, 2011

Father’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Do not argue with me,” said the dad
To his son, who was making him mad.
“You are too disputatious,
Your point is fallacious,
And…” “Huh?” said the four-year-old lad.

Frazzled Limerick Limerick Audio

Sunday, October 31st, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A frazzled new father named Jim…

Here’s mine:

Frazzled Limerick (Frazzled Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A frazzled new father named Jim
Bought his baby toy trains on a whim.
When his wife saw the gift,
She was terribly miffed,
So she yelled, “That’s for you. What’s for him?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Update: May 2 is Baby Day.

Just In Time For Mother’s Day…

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A hard-working mother named May…

Here’s mine:

Just In Time For Mother’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A hard-working mother named May
Had three children and twins on the way.
When her spouse heard the news,
He guzzled some booze
And grumbled, “I should have been gay.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Related Post: Mother’s Day Limericks

A Dog Of A Limerick

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A wealthy old woman named Kate…

Here’s mine:

A Dog Of A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A wealthy old woman named Kate
Left her dog an enormous estate.
Her children all stewed
Till they finally sued.
Who won? Well, each lawyer did great.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Send Us Spring, STAT!

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

I’m so sick of this snowy New York winter. And of all the fretful phone calls from my mother-in-law, warning hubby Mark about snow shoveling and heart attacks. Funny, she isn’t at all concerned about my heart.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Send Us Spring, STAT!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m achy from head down to toe.
The cause? I’ve been shoveling snow.
I wanted to punt,
But instead, did our front,
While my spouse did the rest — quid pro quo.

     

********

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the one up side of February which is coming up very soon: Valentines Day. And so happy Valentines day, especially to you fellows who may find this Valentines Day column helpful. Gals, you can thank me later.

1996 Humor Column About Underwear Shopping With My Mother

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Thanks to all of you for your kind emails, comments, and Twitter tweets about my mother’s death. I really appreciate it!

In my mother’s honor, I’m posting a 1996 humor column she inspired during happier (and funnier) times:

Secret Shopper
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”

My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.

She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)

“Dear Son” Letters (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

“Dear Son” Letters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whenever my husband gets mail
From his mom, this is true without fail:
It concerns medications
And health aberrations.
Just reading her notes makes me pale.

Crafty Verse (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

A new limerick, haiku, and senryu prompt (at long last) whose theme is jewelry, crafts, and engagements.  First, my limerick:

Engagement Bling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“I’m engaged,” said the gal to her mom.
“I’m in love and I’m marrying Tom.”
“But I don’t see a ring,”
Said her mom.  “Get some bling.
Until then, I intend to stay calm.”

And now my haiku (senryu):

Craft show earrings
Once adorned the riverfront
And now grace my lobes.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about jewelry, crafts, or engagements. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until September 5th to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants     

1. Lilibeth
2. Random Short Stories
3. Crafty Green Poet
4. Linda – Nickers and Ink
5. Shannon
6. Granny Smith

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your jewelry, crafts, and engagement-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

UPDATE 2: National Jewel Day is March 13th.

Quick Story & Other Verse (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)

Friday, June 13th, 2008

Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is furniture and furnishings. First, my limerick:

Quick Story
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Quick story,” my husband declares.
“It’s short — I’m not kidding,” he swears.
But I know that he’s wrong.
He’ll be witty, but long.
How I wish I could find us some chairs.

And now two haiku (senryu):

Dad climbs into bed.
His poodle growls in protest.
Their turf war begins.

Sixty-year-old chair,
still covered in plastic,
protected from life.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about furniture and furnishings. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

(Note: My poems were inspired by these three prompts: “being told a story,” “pets,” and “father / find.”)

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

     

1. SandyCarlson
2. Connie
3. Patricia (a/k/a Roswila)
4. Jade
5. Linda – Nickers and Ink
6. Noah the Great
7. Noah the Great
8. Bevie
9. Crafty Green poet
10. art predator

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your furniture and furnishings verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

UPDATE 2: World Storytelling Day falls on the spring equinox in the northern hemisphere.

Lies And Deception (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 5)

Friday, January 4th, 2008

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is lies and deception. First, my limerick: 

“Your excuse simply can’t be believed.
You’re a liar! I feel quite deceived,”
Said the gal, as she wept,
To her lover, who’d slept
With her mother. (I guess she was peeved.)

And now, my haiku:

People who maintain
That they are always honest
Are surely lying.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about lies and deception. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day

One Of These Days, I’ll Actually Say This

Monday, November 12th, 2007

This week’s theme over at BlogFriday is annoyances, and I’m betting this scenario will ring a bell:

One Of These Days, I’ll Actually Say This (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re annoyed by your motormouth child.
He is boist’rous and noisy and wild.
So please put a lid
On your rude, rowdy kid.
Cuz, trust me, we aren’t beguiled.