Posts Tagged ‘Children Humor’

Name-Blame (Limerick)

Sunday, March 4th, 2018

It’s risky when parents show flair
In naming their child, so beware!
If you pick a bad name,
You may shoulder the blame
And the cost of a therapist’s stare.

Happy Celebrate Your Name Week (1st full week of March.)

Trick-Or-Treating Goes Green? (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

Here’s a creepy Halloween-related survey:

More than half (53%) of parents of trick-or-treaters say their children between the ages of 4 and 10 would prefer cash over candy or even toys, according to a survey of 1,747 parents who celebrated Halloween carried out by coupon- and discount-code website Vouchercloud.net.

Trick-Or-Treating Goes Green? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To you kids who want Halloween cash,
And not candy, your hopes I must dash.
If you ask me for money
Dear girly or sonny,
I’ll double the other kid’s stash.

Freelance Mothering

Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

This feels vaguely appropriate for Mother’s Day:

Freelance Mothering (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Be it newspapers, Web, magazines,
Mistakes are in print and on screens:
Though I’ve NO kids to nag,
I once learned in a mag:
I’m the very proud mother of teens.

True story: Many years ago I wrote several freelance humor columns for Family Circle Magazine, one of which was a “humorous contract” between parents and their teen about learning to drive.

I’ll never forget standing on a long line at the supermarket and spotting the issue I was scheduled to appear in, near the cash register. I grabbed the magazine, turned to the back page and excitedly started to read.

Everything look great … until I got to the bio note, which should have read: “Madeleine Begun Kane is a New York-based freelance humor columnist and lawyer.”

Instead, it read, “Madeleine Begun Kane is the mother of teens.”

And no, I do NOT have any children … unless, of course, you count my hubby Mark.

Spellbinding Changes (Limerick)

Friday, April 12th, 2013

Computers and spell-check have been turning spelling prowess into a quaint art. So it’s no wonder that the people behind the 2013 Scripps National Spelling Bee have upped the ante, now requiring competitors to actually know what the words they’re spelling mean.

Needless to say, this is controversial. And although I think the idea’s a good one, I sympathize with the contestants. Why? Because the change is rather last minute. The contest starts this May 28th, and the change was announced just a couple of days ago, on April 9th.

It’s the very definition of I-N-I-Q-U-I-T-O-U-S.

Spellbinding Changes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

They’re making the Spelling Bee tougher–
Decidedly meaner and rougher:
It’s no longer enough
To learn spelling of stuff–
Master meanings, or rankings shall suffer.

Bright Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, November 25th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who wasn’t too bright…*

or

A fellow who wasn’t too bright…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Bright Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met a fellow who wasn’t quite “right.”
They wed, had a kid—
High IQ — off the grid.
Please don’t ask “Who’s the dad?”— Impolite!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Halloween Haiku (2012)

Wednesday, October 31st, 2012

Though schools remain closed,
trick-or-treat stash is untouched:
Halloween Sandy.

*****

Hurricane Sandy
sure outpaces Halloween
in sheer spookiness.

One Father’s Day Limerick Too Many?

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

One Father’s Day Limerick Too Many?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pregnant young woman named Kay
Was due to give birth the next day.
So it wasn’t sublime
When her spouse picked that time
To confess that he really was gay.

Potty-Mouthed Dolls — I’m Not Toying With You (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Toys “R” Us seems to be selling some potty-mouthed dolls:

Pauline Davis bought some last minute presents for her grandchildren Christmas Eve, but when she brought three talking dolls back to her Oaklyn, N.J. home, she got a rude surprise.

The dolls giggle, coo, and then say something that sounds exactly like, “OK, crazy bitch.”

The three dolls called “You and Me Play and Giggle Triplets” are made just for the Toys “R” Us brand, and Toys “R” Us is sticking by its alleged potty-mouthed pixies.

Potty-Mouthed Dolls — I’m Not Toying With You (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Toys “R” Us has encountered a hitch
In its baby doll sales and it’s rich.
They should babble and burble,
But these dolls are verbal:
They exclaim loud and clear “Crazy Bitch.”

An Adorable Tyrant

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

I found myself a new serendipitous oxymoron at the prompt generator I played with yesterday. So the subject of today’s limerick is an Adorable Tyrant:

An Adorable Tyrant (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An “adorable tyrant?” Sounds wild!
A strange combo of mean and the mild.
I might even buy tix
To see such a mix,
Unless it’s a three-year-old child.

Frazzled Limerick Limerick Audio

Sunday, October 31st, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A frazzled new father named Jim…

Here’s mine:

Frazzled Limerick (Frazzled Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A frazzled new father named Jim
Bought his baby toy trains on a whim.
When his wife saw the gift,
She was terribly miffed,
So she yelled, “That’s for you. What’s for him?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Update: May 2 is Baby Day.

Just In Time For Mother’s Day…

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A hard-working mother named May…

Here’s mine:

Just In Time For Mother’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A hard-working mother named May
Had three children and twins on the way.
When her spouse heard the news,
He guzzled some booze
And grumbled, “I should have been gay.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Related Post: Mother’s Day Limericks

A Dog Of A Limerick

Sunday, April 25th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A wealthy old woman named Kate…

Here’s mine:

A Dog Of A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A wealthy old woman named Kate
Left her dog an enormous estate.
Her children all stewed
Till they finally sued.
Who won? Well, each lawyer did great.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Musical Accord (Spoof Contract)

Monday, September 18th, 2006

One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children. How do you resolve this dissonant dilemma?

AGREEMENT entered into on ___________, 20__ , by noise-averse Parents and instrument wielding Child.

WHEREAS, Child has expressed an interest in studying the sax;

WHEREAS, Parents hate the sax and don’t even consider it a real instrument; … (Musical Accord is continued here.)