Limerick-Off Award (450)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Grandma’s cottage was perched on a slope,
Where the weeds were way wild beyond hope.
There, a Big Bad old hound
Wolfing sweets by the pound,
Giggled, “Grandma, your brownies are dope!”

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special LOVE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

There once was a lover named Victor
Who said to a gal as he licked ’er:
“I’ll know I’ve done right
If your quake of delight
Scores an eight on the measure called Richter.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Wayne Feder, Larz, Dave Johnson, Tony Holmes, Sjaan VandenBroeder, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tim James:

A homophobe just couldn’t cope.
He said, “Marriage equality? Nope!
Wedlock’s just,” he’d aver,
“For a him and a her.”
There you have it, my friends: the straight dope.

“It’s ‘the love that dare not speak its name.’
Those who sin are condemned to the flame!”
Is that brimstone I smell?
It’s our version of hell
That the whole GOP thinks the same.


Jean McEwen:

Tell me, how can you be such a dope
As to think you could vulgarly grope
The ass of that lass
And be given a pass
When you heard her distinctly say “nope!”?

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

The cops said, “This guy was a dope.”
(Told reporters, “He just couldn’t cope.”)
“He was takin’ a shower,
Then started to cower,
Got strangled with ‘soap on a rope.'”

Tim James:

An artist, a pompous old dope,
To bright colors has firmly said nope.
He’s a bore to his core,
And his work is a snore.
His new painting: “A Study in Taupe.”

Wayne Feder:

I won’t say that I’ve given up hope,
Or I’m numb and can no longer cope.
But till Trump goes away,
I’m planning to stay
In a cave with my kilo of dope.


My wife bathes in bubbles of soap.
She’ll soon be quite frisky, I hope.
I’m waiting in bed —
She shakes me instead.
Said, “Oh, wake up! You’re dreaming, you dope!”


Dave Johnson:

He knew it was love at first sight;
A vision so perfect and right.
And what would inspire
Such unchecked desire?
Trump’s mirror – his source of delight.

Tony Holmes:

In that first flush, love smiles at your quirks;
Later on, still indulgent, it smirks;
But the end is in sight
When the quirks start to bite,
As the dopamine no longer works.

Wayne Feder:

The girl told her friend in disgust,
“It’s hard to find men you can trust.
Not heeding Mom’s warning,
I learned the next morning
That love’s not the same thing as lust.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

It is better to love and be blue
Than to never have loved… Oh so true.
Though I’ve paraphrased badly,
I make this point gladly,
As long as it’s me dumping you.

Tim James:

She’s in love, with her eyes full of stars;
He’s obsessed with his beer and fast cars
And the sports that he sees
On his wide-screen TVs.
That all fits, because men are from Mars.

Suzanne Heymann:

Friendship’s better; love’s just a creation
That leads to eternal damnation.
Romance is a word
That too often is heard
As a highly absurd expectation.

Friends don’t need you to be good in bed
Or to please them or make sure they’re fed.
You can fart and be broke,
Be too fat, drink and smoke
Yet stay friends till you choke or drop dead.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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