Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGHT or SITE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 29, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SIGHT or SITE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CHILDREN, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CHILDREN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 30, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 29, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SIGHT/SITE-rhyme limerick:

Though I hate to appear impolite,
Or petty and quick to indict,
Trump’s a blight on our nation;
A Trump relocation
To prison would be a fine sight.

And here’s my CHILDREN-themed limerick:

We adopted a pet at the pound;
An adorable, cuddly young hound.
The children both love her,
But run off for cover
When doggie-doo mishaps are found.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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175 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGHT or SITE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 29, 2020)”

  1. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Chocolate cake is a heavenly sight
    And with me, always love at first bite
    But the calorie hounds
    Say I’ve gone out-of-bounds
    As I’ve gained seven pounds overnight.

  2. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Kids are sweet and more cuddly than cats
    And I love them (the way I love rats)
    Of such darlings I’d boast
    But such lies I won’t post
    ‘Cause deep DOWN we know most are just brats!

  3. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The garbage these bums leave just spreads
    And they tear my whole garden to shreds
    So all trespassers might
    Just be shot right on sight
    Lest my pitbulls should bite off their heads.

  4. John Shardlow says:

    There was a young man called Billy
    Who had tattoos on his willy
    My eyesight is poor
    I can’t read number four
    It says “Zip up my flies, I feel chilly”.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    Having children’s amazingly fine
    Didn’t know life could be so divine!
    The first sentence they learn
    (In your ears it will burn)
    Goes something like this: “That one’s mine.”

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    L5 above limerick…… Could you please remove the colon from
    “That one’s mine:
    So it will read “That one’s mine”

    Done, plus I replaced it with a period.

  7. P Diane Schneider says:

    COVID RULES/Bad Hombre
    This hoodlum is itching to fight
    Will you please consider my plight?
    With all his insistence
    I must keep my distance
    We can’t be in contact on-site!

    Self Defense
    I warned him that my dog will bite
    He pulled himself up to full height
    And lunged for my bag
    Called me an old hag
    The end result was quite a sight!

    With COVID we often indict
    Remotely on-screen via byte
    The judge may appear
    In boxers, I fear
    Could he pull this trick off on-site?

  8. Tony Holmes says:

    Row on row, lovely girls, left and right.
    It’s a challenge that’s sure to ignite
    The admiring young man
    Who thinks, “Can I? I can!
    And I’ll prove it – the sec’ I’m on site.”

    Some subscribe to the view, “Might is right!”
    It’s their warrant for starting a fight.
    If invited to chat …
    “We’ve no time for all that!
    We don’t do concordat – clear the site!”

    “Yes, we want him! Arrest him on sight!
    And be careful – he’ll put up a fight.
    His name’s Donald, and yez
    He will claim he’s the Pres’;
    Just ignore him.” ‘Deluded?’ “That’s right.”

    “Little children?” said W. C.
    “Quite delightful, if you’re asking me?
    But they must be well-cooked –
    This can’t be overlooked;
    And, on average, my limit is three.”

  9. Tony Holmes says:

    “Yes, I see it! I see the bright light;
    But the brightness is blinding my sight.
    Is it heaven? Can’t tell.
    No, more likely, it’s hell –
    They have, ‘Days Of Our Lives’, on, all night.”

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    When they grow to full stature, small boys
    Still continue to play with their toys.
    Motor bikes, cars and tools …
    Girls know boys are such fools;
    They learn nothing in schools – girls learn ploys.

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    Advice to young wives.

    “Yes, at first, it’s alarming – take fright!
    But, in time, you’ll get used to the sight.
    He’ll need training, of course;
    Be his guide, reinforce,
    And voila! It’s a source of delight.”

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    For the skittish young maid, the first sight
    May evoke the response, “Fight or flight?”
    “It looks harmless enough,
    So, I’m gonna hang tough;
    If it starts to play rough, then I’ll bite.”

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    Chocolate cake is, indeed, my delight!
    Just the thought makes my fancy take flight.
    Breakfast, luncheon and tea—
    “And for dinner?” Yes, three!
    And you’d best have a back-up on site.

  14. AABBA says:

    Is it in vogue to wear a face mask?
    You’d probably better not ask
    So on location it would depend
    As to whether you would offend
    When you’ve got them in your sight.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    A new baby is fragile like glass.
    To the mommy, you must never sass.
    For instance, don’t say
    (In a sharp-witted way)
    “That cute little smile is just gas”.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    We dined under very dim light.
    I thought it was love at first sight.
    After one more quick look,
    My whole body shook.
    That raccoon look was sure Mr. Right.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    Err … AABBA, your pen-name is indeed what the rhyme-scheme of a limerick is supposed to be.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    They adored him, it couldn’t be clearer;
    All those fans, not one mocker or sneerer!
    Donald grinned with delight;
    The line stretched out of sight
    In his lovely infinity mirror.

  19. Tony Holmes says:

    To the ogling male, failing sight
    Is a downer, a bummer – a blight!
    As I get close, to view,
    I get caught. They say, “Shoo!”
    To which, I say, “Go screw!” Well, they might.

  20. Tony Holmes says:

    A sacrifice was required – I chose metre and kept cake.

    Chocolate cake! The indulgence of choice.
    Devil’s Food, Sachertorte – the Rolls Royce!
    “Schwärtzwalder kirschtorte – light?”
    I would shoot it on sight!
    Can’t you see? It’s not right! Don’t rejoice!

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    We are now on our way to Madrid.
    Packed the sippy cups, each with a lid
    The bouncy chair, swing,
    “Sleep-Time Cuddlies” that sing,
    But we seem to have misplaced the kid.

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    As kids, they would squabble and fight;
    Both yelling who’s wrong and who’s right.
    Now each an adult,
    Any further tumult
    Requires a cross-country flight.

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    Schadenfreude, the voyeur’s delight.
    Both are naked, he’s flaccid, they fight.
    She says something unfair,
    Lights a spark, passions flare,
    And, ‘Hey, presto!’ he’s there! What a sight!

  24. Tony Holmes says:

    Who’d have thought we’d all grow up to be
    What we are, as we are, you and me?
    So much promise as kids –
    Cockney slang, “Saucepan lids.” –
    While we live, there’s still hope! Wait and see!

  25. The proud boys are out in plain sight
    saying it’s okay to be white
    while Trump sends to hell
    all from health to the mail
    and makes them look like a proud blight.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love choc’late, and what could compare?
    But truly, I sure wouldn’t dare
    Eat in front of the kids;
    Then I’ll be on the skids.
    Cuz frankly, I don’t want to share

  27. Jean McEwen says:

    When undressing at night, be polite!
    Close and shutter your blinds, lest the sight
    From your window put Irv
    (Your new neighbor, the perv)
    In position to over-excite.

  28. Jean McEwen says:

    You may think me a bitter old crone,
    But my views about kids are well known:
    From the poop to the croup
    And through every age group
    I can’t stand them til after they’re grown.

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    Saints and sinners all rush to the site.
    Enterprise lends a hand and – Flood-Light!
    Burgers, hotdogs, kebobs;
    Kids applying for jobs;
    Step aside for big nobs – it’s their rite!

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s a wonder of life that a lad,
    Who, on form, makes you think, “He’ll go bad!”
    Far from going astray,
    Finds himself and his way,
    And stands tall every day as a dad.

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    “Fellow perverts! Attention! Say, ‘Hi!’
    This is Irv’, our new member. That’s Cy’.
    Cy’ will show you the sites –
    Strict rotation, no fights –
    If you mess with our fun, it’s ‘Goodbye!’”

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    “My mommy has beautiful clothes;
    Her very good taste really shows.
    And some will be mine
    At the very first sign
    I’m growing a couple of those.”

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Things are not going well with my sight.
    (Having trouble; it sure is a plight.)
    My vision is blurred;
    But my wife overheard
    ‘Bout a “focus group”, sounding just right.

  34. Dave Johnson says:

    I share an insomniac’s plight;
    I’m rubbing them all through the night.
    By morning, at best,
    They can still pass the test
    Of needing both sore eyes for sight.

  35. Tim James says:

    With the tantrums, the whining, the mess,
    You would think he’s age seven, or less.
    And just who is this child
    Smeared with dirt, running wild?
    He mis-leads the afflicted U.S.

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    My compliments and thanks to Jean McEwan for the inspiration.

    “Fellow perverts! Attention! Say, ‘Hi!’
    This is Irv’, our new member. That’s Cy’.
    Cy’ will show you the sites
    And the local delights;
    If you mess with our fun, it’s ‘Goodbye!’”

    “You’ve a question, friend Irv’? Fire away!”
    “Thank you, Cecil. I’d just like to say,
    Your warm welcome – I’m stirred.
    Now, my question: I’ve heard
    You’ve got action on hand, night – and day?”

    “Tsk, tsk, Irving! First day – you’re still new.
    What you’ve heard is most certainly true;
    But we keep the best sights,
    For long servers. Take nights
    And be patient! No jumping the queue.”

    Irv’ was patient and stuck to the plan.
    When they swooped, they caught all but one man.
    Cy’ escaped, went to ground,
    And has never been found.
    Irv’, each night, walks his round, “Wow! Suzanne!”

  37. Tony Holmes says:

    “Coochy-coo! He’s a sweetie – so cute!
    Who’d have thought it? His dad’s such a brute!
    What’s his name?” “Who? His dad?”
    “Silly! I meant the lad.”
    “Liberace – you know, like the fruit.”

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    Infants, toddlers, teenagers – the horde!
    As a parent, you’ll never be bored.
    As the years take their toll,
    Hold this thought to console,
    “When they’re eighteen, I’m cutting the cord!”

  39. Tony Holmes says:

    “Daddy – Mummy says you’re a dead loss.
    It’s the reason she’s always so cross.
    She says Granny was right,
    You’ve no backbone, no fight,
    And you don’t give a toss. What’s a toss?”

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    For US readers, who may not be aware, ‘Toss’ is used as a slang term and means, among other things, ‘to masterbate’. I should have titled the above, ‘The Awkward Question’. LOL

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    My children just yell and they shout.
    Here’s a plan that will work without doubt:
    Don’t give them a key;
    You’ll say, “YIPP AREE!
    When you’ve locked them right out of the house

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rhyming Error! Try Again

    My children just yell and they shout.
    Here’s a plan that’ll work without doubt:
    Don’t give them a key;
    And you’ll say, “YIP AREE!”
    Cuz you fine’ly have locked them all out.

  43. Don says:

    Is it in vogue to wear a face mask?
    You’re probably better off not to ask
    So on location it will depend
    As to whetheror not you’d offend
    When you’ve got them in your sight

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, maybe tonight is my night.
    This guy looks like such a delight.
    (unattractive was he),
    And I’m sure you’ll agree
    “Find Your Lover’s” a double-faced site.

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m ‘Err …’ with Brian.

    An enigma, A-A-B-B-A;
    And ‘no clue between lines’ giveaway.
    When you speak of your sight,
    Are you ‘sniping’ for spite?
    Either way, it ain’t right. Please replay.

  46. Tim James says:

    Said a fellow whose future looked bright
    When he bought a car showroom one night:
    “Selling Edsels, I know,
    Will bring decades of dough!”
    Now a Burger King stands on the site.

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the alien, “Keep out of sight!
    We don’t want to be spotted tonight.
    Please, no probings – it’s gross
    And it leaves them morose;
    So, no getting too close – it’s not right!”

    “Just remember, we’re here for the beer.
    We’ll take Bud and Sam Adams from here.
    For the kids, get Bud Light,
    They’ve got plenty on site;
    You can party onboard, and I’ll steer.”

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    “Goodness gracious, Gaylord! You’re a sight!
    Come in quick, ‘fore the neighbours take fright!
    What on earth … are you drunk?”
    “Hic! As drunk as a skunk!
    Which is why you look scrumptious tonight.”

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    The Ballad Of Gaylord Suggs.

    “Goodness gracious, Gaylord! You’re a sight!
    Come in quick, ‘fore the neighbours take fright!
    What on earth … are you drunk?”
    “Hic! As drunk as a skunk!
    Which is why you look scrumptious tonight.”

    “Gaylord Suggs! Take that gleam from your eye!
    You’re not having your way, so don’t try.”
    “Mrs Suggs, it’s my right
    And I’ll bed you tonight;
    I’m not wastin’ good whiskey – standby!”

    “Gaylord Suggs! Stop undressing – at once!
    You’re in no state for romance, you dunce.”
    “It ain’t romance I hunt,
    So, decide, back or front?
    Second thoughts, we’ll go both ways, for bunce.”

    Mrs Suggs, knew when push came to shove,
    She’d surrender, as meek as a dove.
    Mister Suggs had his way,
    And his wife had her say;
    “We must do this more often, my love.”

  50. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    His advice was the fatherly kind:
    “Son, don’t marry the first girl you find.
    For when love at first sight
    starts to fade overnight,
    in the end it goes legally blind.”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trump woke up in the midst of the night
    Cuz his dream gave him such a bad fright:
    Daddy snatched the “small loan”;
    Left him all on his own,
    So he couldn’t botch up his new site.

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    “We were promised one helluva sight
    If we got to the top by first light.
    We were conned by our host,
    Who stayed home and made toast,
    Till the meteor struck – serves him right!”

  53. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An Old Woman declared, “Kids are treasures!”
    though she lived in a shoe (with few pleasures).
    Dared her inner soul feel
    that some broken down heel
    of a spouse might use birth control measures?

  54. Tony Holmes says:

    I suggest, while we still have our leisure,
    We reflect on the loss of all pleasure.
    You’ll have no time for you;
    Compensations? A few;
    When you’re old, they might think, “She’s a treasure!”

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    Rain plays havoc with specs when on site –
    Even worse if I’m working at night.
    Kaleidoscope vision,
    Steamed lens – Bang! – Collision.
    “Really, madam, that’s hardly polite!”

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    I reflect on that welcoming sight
    That awaits me at home, every night.
    Fifteen kids, and my wife,
    They’re the loves of my life,
    All those faces, so sunny and bright.

    First attempt, had the trips; then the twins;
    Followed up with the two sets of quins.
    We’ve got sponsorship deals,
    Which buys clothing and meals,
    And still leaves us a little for sins.

    Would be parents, take heed! Don’t forebear!
    We’ve abandoned all sex – we don’t dare!
    Though we love every one,
    Fifteen kids mean no fun;
    If you want one, we’re willing to share.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    All structures must be done just right:
    The span, and the width, and the height.
    And follow this rule:
    Disinfect ev’ry tool.
    Build “Six Feet Apart Wear Your Mask Site”

  58. Wayne Feder says:

    “Please come in, though my house is a sight.”
    She said “Yes, but I won’t stay the night.”
    But when liquor starts flowing
    And cheeks begin glowing,
    There’s a pretty good chance that she might.

  59. Wayne Feder says:

    The kids are at Mom’s for the night
    And her cares of the day out of sight.
    But when sex toys appear,
    She recoils in fear.
    Catholic girls get very uptight.

  60. Wayne Feder says:

    Any time that a man is in sight,
    She is drawn like a moth to a light,
    I won’t say she’s easy,
    And surely not sleazy,
    But she rarely goes home for the night.

  61. Wayne Feder says:

    Remember, while home on this break,
    That children are easy to make.
    So it’s wise to go slow,
    Or to even forgo.
    Quite often they’re made by mistake.

  62. Wayne Feder says:

    He said “You’re a beautiful sight
    And I’d sure like to do you tonight.”
    She replied, “You’ll turn gray
    Before I go all the way.
    Although give me a ring and I might.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An old Cyclops, devoid of delight,
    stayed holed up in his room day and night.
    Then he found a quick cure
    through a tourist brochure.
    Now he’s traveling — seeing the sight.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Raising kids, is for sure, not a snap.
    Some mom and dads call it a “trap”.
    They won’t pick up their toys;
    Cuz one of their ploys
    Is “My arms are now taking a nap”

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    revised limerick, to make more sense

    All structures must be built just right:
    The span, and the width, and the height.
    You must follow this rule:
    “Disinfect Ev’ry Tool
    Build A Six Feet Apart Wear A Mask Site”

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    To Little Miss Muffet’s delight,
    She noticed a spider in flight.
    She asked, “Why are you here”?
    He answered, “My dear,
    I’m creating a new webby site”.

  67. Tim James says:

    I’ve been watching my children at play
    And they’re really quite rotten, I’d say.
    They pull hair, punch, and kick;
    Eldest son’s just a dick.
    This must all be my wife’s DNA.

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    “My, oh, my! That’s a wonderful sight!
    But stop pointing – it isn’t polite!
    Good for frightening whores
    And for knocking down doors.
    May I stroke it? You’re said it won’t bite.”

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    “‘Boobs and Buns’ is a popular site,
    Filling days with diverting delight.
    For the true connoisseur,
    Ask for Suzanne and Fleur,
    Say I sent you, they’ll see you’re all right.”

  70. Tony Holmes says:


    “Come, my darlings, give granny a kiss!”
    “Must we, mother? She says things amiss.
    She says you’re an old tart,
    And that Dad’s a wet fart,
    And besides which, she smells of old piss!”

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    “Mrs Suggs, I would woo you, tonight!
    To add spice, you could put up a fight.”
    I won’t fight, do your worst.
    Have your way if you durst,
    But I’m keeping the TV in sight.”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    A toddler is never malicious.
    And grannys all call them “delicious”.
    Yet when they’re around,
    And you don’t hear a sound,
    You know that there’s something suspicious.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rhyming Error!!

    A toddler is never malicious.
    Their questions are so repetitious!
    And when they’re around,
    And you don’t hear a sound,
    Mom knows there is something suspicious.

  74. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “For sore eyes, my love, you are a sight”
    came out funny and ended the night.
    Snapped his girlfriend, irate,
    “I dressed up for this date!”
    He got left ’cause his syntax weren’t right.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    The bêtes noires of the popular site,
    Trolls disseminate venom and spite.
    Most are sad, lonely pricks,
    With pea brains and small dicks,
    Anf their futures are even less bright.

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry to repeat, but it turned into a twofer.

    The bêtes noires of the popular site,
    Trolls disseminate venom and spite.
    Most are sad, lonely pricks,
    With pea brains and small dicks,
    And their futures are even less bright.

    They were probably blighted when young;
    It’s their parents deserve to be hung.
    “Should be ‘Hanged’!” Yes, I know.
    It don’t rhyme. Apropos,
    If it weren’t for the rhyme, they’d be strung.

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    My life changed when night-vision came in –
    Even with that green tinge on the skin.
    Now I’m stealthy at night,
    And can keep out of sight,
    And I know what they mean by, ‘Win-Win!’

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    “The director called, “Wrap!” for the night.
    Then discovered the scene wasn’t right.
    We all groaned. We were dead.
    He took pity and said,
    ‘Get some sleep, then we’ll shoot it on site.’”

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Facts about toddlers (plural modifying another plural)

    Sweet toddlers are never malicious.
    Their questions are quite repetitious.
    And when they’re around,
    And you don’t hear a sound,
    You sense that there’s something suspicious.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Facts about my sweet little lamb

    My little lamb always sleeps tight.
    Falls asleep when I turn off the light.
    Eats breakfast of hay;
    Then goes out to play.
    Watches videos, loves ewe tube site.

  81. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    We did it for him and for her —
    to vacations with kids I refer.
    Crowded zoos, water slides,
    endless gut-wrenching “rides” —
    now it’s all just a stinky wet blur.

  82. Dave Johnson says:

    She went to the party that night
    Which rendered a frightening sight.
    Those drinks were unkind;
    When awakened, she’d find
    Steve Bannon by dawn’s early light.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    “She was something to see – a delight.
    A true vision! A feast for the sight.
    Six cold beers on a tray,
    “Second round’s on its way,
    And the burgers and fries – that all right?”

  84. Dave Johnson says:

    We’re stuck with a child who’s a brat;
    He’s constantly stoking a spat.
    One day we’ll be rid
    Of this horrible kid;
    And thanking Joe Biden for that.

  85. Kirk Miller says:

    The baboon met one night on a date
    The gorilla his dreams. It was great!
    He went ape at her sight
    ‘Cause he knew that she might
    Be the one he would call his prime mate.

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    Imagine this glorious sight:
    We’re rid of our national blight,
    With payment begun
    For the damage he’s done;
    Trump’s perp walk makes everything right.

  87. Tim James says:

    I had chiggers. They started to bite
    As they burrowed down deep, out of sight.
    From my ankles to belt
    I was one giant welt.
    Was it itchy? Perhaps just a mite.

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    Looking back, I now see that fore-sight
    Is the one thing I should have got right.
    All the guilt and the shame –
    Not to mention the blame –
    All avoided. I need a rewrite!

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    Completely and utter? You’re downright!
    A stick up your butt? Means you’re uptight!
    But if you say, “I know –
    Did I not tell you so?”
    A pain in the ass who has hindsight.

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    Apologies for reposting the first of these. Please delete the previous version so as to avoid annoying Suzanne. Thank you.

    “Looking back, I now see, with some foresight
    I’d have steered a course nearer to ‘Do right!’
    Far less guilt, much less shame –
    Not to mention, no blame;
    I submit my petition to rewrite.”

    Psychoanalysts claim inner sight;
    They can probe where neurotics take fright.
    Terrors haunting our sleep
    Are brought up from the deep;
    Dragged from darkness, they shrink in the light.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    Going Off Piste!

    Is that it, then, Suzanne – chocolate cake?
    Well, it’s not what you’d call an earthquake!
    Chocolate fuddled your brain?
    Or been sectioned? “Insane!”
    Give us something inane – for Foulkes sake!

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Play Dates”

    The rules are much different today;
    (Carried out in a more distinct way).
    The kids need to learn
    That their parents are stern,
    And make all the appointments to play.

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    “Pandemonium! Hullabaloo!
    It’s the sort of thing children will do.
    Not for them slowing down,
    So, don’t bother to frown;
    If they’re bothersome, tell them to, ‘Shoo!’”

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here are some obvious clues,
    (Which call for a tad bit of booze:)
    You hear you kids freaking,
    And then hear them shrieking,
    (It must be the night for shampoos.)

  95. Tony Holmes says:


    “Mum and Dad are so old! It’s high time.”
    ‘Not to do it would be the true crime.’
    “They get three meals a day,
    And we don’t have to pay.
    They can take them today – it’s sublime!”

    Mum and Dad overheard every word;
    Thought the notion, quite frankly, absurd.
    Dad was aged forty-two
    And, as far as he knew,
    Mum would be forty, too, on the third.

    That their kids were precocious … but still!
    Their mistake was in making the will.
    They had transferred their power
    To the kids, for an hour;
    At which point, things turned sour – as a dill!


    Join the SKI* club and never look back!
    If it’s spent, they’ve no reason to sack. (Pillage)
    They will cope! After all,
    That’s what you did – recall?
    They’ll be far better off if they lack.

    * (Spend the Kids’ Inheritance)

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    Dyllis Cosgrave professed second sight.
    For a long time, it worked best at night.
    Then one day, she foresaw
    What for her was in store.
    From that day she foreswore. She’s all right!

  97. Wayne Feder says:

    The Republican Convention

    The Trumps will be soon trotted out.
    Of course I will watch, I’m devout.
    And I’ll scratch and I’ll fight
    Or I’ll hide out of sight
    For one look at Melania’s pout.

  98. Wayne Feder says:

    He told the girl, “You’re quite a sight
    And I’d sure like to do you all night.”
    She smiled, “I’m surmising,
    But I’d find it surprising,
    If you’d last ten minutes, but you might.”

  99. Tim James says:

    She’s a glorious, heavenly sight;
    When I see her, my fancy takes flight.
    How delighted I’d be
    If she’d lie down with me!
    Sad to say, though, my chances are slight.

  100. Wayne Feder says:

    Much to Rev. Falwell’s chagrin,
    We’ve learned he’s been swaddled in sin.
    But unlike Jesus’ plight
    At the Bethlehem site,
    There was room for a trois in the inn.

  101. Tim Gray says:

    Caught in the sharp-shooters sight
    Trump’s ducking with flimflam and sleight.
    No matter he’s trying
    He still keeps on lying
    And thinks he has some God given right.

  102. Tim Gray says:

    We know some of Donald Trump’s kin
    Say that he’s guilty as sin.
    Just some sibling fight
    Or do they have some in-sight
    And are working to stop a poll win?

  103. Tony Holmes says:

    “Comely wench, for sore eyes, you’re a sight!
    I’m afeared that thou mayest be sprite.”
    “No, indeed, sir! I’m real –
    By all means, cop a feel.
    Oh, my lord! Thou art derring, Sir Knight!”

  104. Tony Holmes says:

    If you’re derring, then by all means, do!

    “Comely wench, for sore eyes, you’re a sight!
    I’m afeared that thou mayest be sprite.”
    “No, indeed, sir! I’m real –
    By all means, cop a feel.
    Oh, my word! Thou art derring, Sir Knight!”

    “’T is a while since … please, mistress, don’t scold.
    I had thought me alone on the wold.
    I was not coping well,
    By myself, truth to tell;
    Now you’ve happened along, I’m consoled.”

    “No apology needed, Sir Knight.
    I, like you, am bereft of delight.
    We are fortunate, Sir,
    That our needs so concur;
    Do be derring some more, it’s all right!”

    “’T is a kind wind that blew you my way.
    Let us stroll over here, to the hay.
    I shall plight thee – Odds strewth!
    Thou art eager, forsooth!”
    “And thou wordy, Sir Knight! Let us play!”

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    Mrs Binns, all agreed, looked a fright!
    She’d been sat up in curlers all night.
    Mister Binns knew his fate –
    She was way past irate –
    And, discreetly, remained out of sight.

    “Mister Binns! Stop your skulking this inst’!”
    Every man held his breath, and some winced.
    “There are cows in the shed,
    And the kids to be fed,
    Come out now or you’re dead!” She convinced.

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    (Guess who)
    OK, here they go – what a sight!
    The angle of view is just right.
    I’m starting to spy
    On my wife with that guy,
    And feeling so onesome tonight.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    If You’re Derring … Continuation.

    “Well, Sir Knight! You’ll be grieving no more.
    Thinkest thou we might even the score?”
    “Prithee, Mistress, thy name?”
    “Don’t be coy! You’re too tame!
    Let us finish our game – Eleanor.”

    Epilogue …

    Should you happen to visit the site,
    You will see that the knight got to plight.
    From his loins may have sprung
    A small army of young,
    As his lady oft claimed her delight.

  108. Dave Johnson says:

    Hi Mad – in line 5 of my posting above, could you please replace”getting”
    with “feeling”.

    Thanks, Dave


  109. Dave Johnson says:

    The RNC’s back on tonight;
    Another inglorious sight
    Where everyone brays
    And blathers the praise
    With all of their butt-smooching might.

  110. Tim Gray says:

    There’s no bigger historical slight,
    In our country’s or even God’s sight,
    As that happened to me,
    Which you plainly did see,
    When they said drinking bleach wasn’t right.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    To all you electoral chancers,
    No one has all of the answers,
    So best keep in sight
    And don’t treat as trite
    All of their lifestyle enhancers.

  112. Tim Gray says:

    2020 Republican National Convention

    For four nights we will lie,
    Saying things that are pie-in-the-sky,
    Using all of our might
    And not losing sight
    That this effort is our last do or die.

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    After seventeen pints of home-brew,
    Gaylord’s vision was somewhat askew.
    Ghoulies, beasties and wight
    Were a regular sight,
    But the Genie was certainly new.

    “I’ve three wishes, you say? Well, that’s ripe!
    Stop conforming to stereotype!
    Why not turn things around?
    Mix it up and confound!
    What was that? Yes, how foolish. That’s tripe.”

    When he woke the next morning, Gaylord
    Found himself in a hospital ward.
    How he got there … a fall?
    Nope! He couldn’t recall,
    But good heavens! The size of his sword!

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    “Now, then, children, you know what we say
    To our guest who has come here today.”
    Billy Suggs, classroom fool,
    Who loves playing it cool,
    Said, “He’s boring, Miss. Send him away!”

  115. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, would you change the last line of the above, please, to:
    Said, “He’s boring, Miss. Send him away!”

    Thank you.



  116. Mike Young says:

    Trump lives in a House that is White
    Which seems an appropriate site.
    If we painted it black
    He’d be easier to track
    If we needed to keep him in sight!

    But decades ago as a child
    To his classmates he seemed much more mild
    With the passage of time
    He’s become less sublime
    So that now he is frequently riled.

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    Thank you. LOL

  118. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    He sobbed with a pain so exquisite
    that the Martian Mom said, “Son, what is it?”
    “On the Beamer last night
    from Earth’s Lunatic Site —
    The Trumps said they’re coming to visit!”

  119. Larz says:

    Have you heard the joke about the farmer and the travelling salesman, where the farmer says, “…but you’ll have to sleep with me and my wife…”?

    When Farmer was out like a light
    His Missus undressed in plain sight.
    She slipped into bed,
    Came closer and said,
    “Please plow my south forty tonight!”

    I whispered as I held her tight,
    “I’ll sow some wild oats with delight!”
    But Farmer awoke,
    Did not see the joke…
    Let’s say I was soon out of sight!

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    Like Father?

    “Now, then, children, you know what we say
    To our guest who has come here today.”
    Billy Suggs, ultra-cool,
    Who loves playing the fool,
    Said, “He’s boring, Miss. Send him away!”

    “William Suggs! You know quite well that’s rude!
    We won’t tolerate that attitude.
    Now, get out of my sight!
    Tell your father I’ll write.”
    “That’s all right, Miss. He’ll tell you, ‘Get screwed!’”

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    Some have said that he did it from spite.
    Others think it was fair. “He’d the right!”
    But the truth is bizarre,
    And more shocking by far;
    “He said, ‘Shoot!’ when I think he meant, ‘S%ite!’”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lovely Venice in May’s quite a sight.
    The canals are a splendid delight.
    But the one thing that’s bad
    Which will make you real sad
    Is it stinks to high hell. What a fright!

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    Like Father?

    “Now, then, children, you know what we say
    To our guest who has come here today.”
    Billy Suggs, ultra-cool,
    Who loves playing the fool,
    Said, “He’s boring, Miss. Send him away!”

    “William Suggs! You know quite well that’s rude!
    We won’t tolerate that attitude.
    Now, get out of my sight!
    Tell your father I’ll write.”
    “Up to you, Miss. He’ll tell you, ‘Get screwed!’”

    Billy Suggs: you might think, “Doomed to fail!”
    You’ll have already put him in gaol.
    But the lad was no chump;
    Changed his name to D. Trump
    So, the next time you see him, “All hail!”

    Mad, apologies for the repetition. Do, please, delete the previous posts where necessary. Thank you.

    I’ll be happy to, if you provide the date and time of posting those posts. I don’t have the time to hunt for them. Thanks.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lovely Venice in May’s quite a sight
    The canals are a splendid delight
    But the stink is so bad,
    It will sure make you sad
    And your nostrils will never be right.

  125. Dave Johnson says:

    “OK son, it’s time for The Talk;
    I think we should go for a walk.”
    “Hey Dad, maybe we
    Can just watch Cardi B;
    Then tell me what ‘WAP’ means in shock”.

  126. Tim Gray says:

    It has been conservatively reckoned
    Trumps attention span is one second
    Based on his sight
    Of the Fox News sound-bite
    And the flipping of topics that beckoned.

  127. Tim Gray says:

    America will never be great
    Driven by greed, envy and hate.
    We must change our sight
    And start doing right
    Right now before it’s too late.

  128. Tim Gray says:

    If you think that you can’t, you are right.
    Of this fact you must never lose sight.
    The obvious plan
    Is to think that you can,
    And the chances increase that you might.

  129. Tim Gray says:

    There’s some people that you can’t trust,
    Who go out all rip, shit and bust…
    He got rid of the rats,
    The mice and fat cats.
    But the kids? Now we’re a little bit fussed.

  130. Tim Gray says:

    When I was young we made snowmen
    With a nose surpassed by no men
    Now as the genders are equal
    Then an apt fitting sequel
    Is have all the kids making snwomen

  131. Tim Gray says:

    Can you parents really not spot it
    Your child just hasn’t got it.
    No matter how much you pay,
    The same it will stay,
    Admit it and then please do drop it.

  132. Tim Gray says:

    Of thunder and lightening and rain
    Only the last one remain.
    The storm is quite mild
    Without the Wild Child
    Oh Thor, please come back again.

  133. Tim Gray says:

    The sage said the following koan,
    “You’re still a child who has grown.
    You’ve been taught many things
    That true wisdom brings
    But still quote words that cannot be known.”

  134. Tim Gray says:

    As children we had a stall,
    The summer’s thirst to forestall.
    I don’t know what we made
    But it weren’t lemonade
    And seems it food-poisoned us all.

  135. John Cooney says:

    “Please help!”, cried the herm-aphro-dite,
    “No longer can I stand the sight,
    Of two types of organ,
    I’m worse than a Gorgon,
    Please blow one off with gelignite!”

  136. John Cooney says:

    “I’ve come to release”, said the knight,
    “Excalibur from this here site”,
    So, he jumped in the lake,
    Och, his armour was fake,
    Well, his last words, I think, were “Good Night!”

  137. John Cooney says:

    I was about to apologize for language. Then, I thought “Why should I”?
    Let me put it this way:

    What’s rong with the speling of armor,
    Can’t help it! (the son of a farmer),
    Did u getta shock,
    When I used the “Och?”,
    But, “Och” is just “But”, feck the grammar!

  138. John Cooney says:

    I lied. My Dad was not a farmer. Och, his dad was.

  139. John Cooney says:

    ‘tis a Gaelic word, much used in Scotland and the upper northern half of Ireland when people speak in English. It can mean different things – like “But”, “ However”, “well”, “Mmmm”, “Arragh”, “Not sure”, “Not committed”,
    “Who cares”!

  140. John Cooney says:

    I laughed at the Snowemon. Very clever, indeed.
    John C.

  141. John Cooney says:

    Good man Larz, you were so tight,
    You failed to come right on the night,
    Your girlfriend was sober,
    Your innings was over,
    When Daddy came home outta sight!

  142. John Cooney says:

    Dear Tony, you talk the bulloney,
    Go home, for I think you’re a phoney,
    Do you hail from Ennis,
    Or Italy’s Venice,
    I no wanna you as a homey!

  143. The surgeon said, “Something’s not right.
    You’re thirty, and this is your plight?
    Lie down and relax.
    I’ll remove cataracts,
    And then you’ll be clean out of sight.”

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    Dear John …

    Hoots, John! Quite an entrance ye’ve made!
    Not a mon to be hugging the shade.
    I’m half Celt from the Vales;
    Seems my Da was from Wales.
    But why ‘Phoney’? I’m feeling betrayed.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    When he drew himself up to full height,
    He became a formidable sight.
    Four feet two in high heels,
    He stepped lively in reels,
    And would sing dirty ditties when tight.

  146. John Cooney says:

    Hey Tony! 👍,

    Sorry for outburst, dear Tony,
    ‘tis I, ‘tisn’t you who’s the phoney,
    There’s truth in the rumour,
    You’ve great sense of humour,
    Unlike my past wife, Ali Mony!

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Not at all! There’s no need to repent.
    I was sure that I need not resent.
    You’re a banterer, too,
    So, I’ve taken to you;
    From the Highlands ye’ve come, Heaven sent.

    Dear John, whilst I would never presume to criticise a man’s wife, ex or otherwise, it did occur to me that you might have missed out the ‘a’ in ‘money’. Just a thought. LOL

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    For John

    “Aye, yon Scotsman’s a braw mon the noo!
    He’ll toss cabers and throw hammers, too.
    With his kilt buckled tight,
    A magnificent sight!
    And each fist holds a can of Irn-Bru

  149. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  150. Kirk Miller says:

    When the children play hopscotch, it’s fine.
    That’s a game I don’t like to malign.
    It’s okay if they stay
    In their yard when they play,
    But my driveway’s where I draw the line.

  151. Dave Johnson says:

    He went to a strip club that night;
    Some fantasies yearning for flight.
    Then down by the front,
    Putting cash in the hunt;
    With hind his preferred kind of sight.

  152. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “All you fireworks people will pay!”
    bellowed Trump at the end of the day.
    “My great name — what a sight! —
    in the heavens at night.
    So, which dumbass forgot ‘Donald J’?”

  153. Dave Johnson says:

    With soul music reaching its height,
    James Brown had a hit – “Out of Sight”.
    That’s back in the day;
    Now we’re happy to say:
    That “Uptown Funk” got it just right!

  154. Dave Johnson says:

    Hi Mad – in my “strip club” post above, would you please replace the word “form” with “kind” in line 5.

    Thanks, Dave


    Done. Good choice for an internal rhyme. :)

  155. John Cooney says:

    Thanks for tip. I know. It struck immediately after posting the drivel that “Moany” would have been so much funnier. It would also help emphasive the unimaginable perception that I am a dreadful “ass In the pain”.
    Anyhoo, I enjoyed the Scotsman limerick immensely. I just read it tonight. It’s been a hard day’s night and I could do wi’ a can o’ Irn-broo.

  156. John Cooney says:

    My wife is a know-all, she’s right,
    She’s hard to please – awful uptight,
    Complains I’m too soon,
    (Can’t help it! – I swoon),
    So, my new fad is bad for eye-sight!

  157. John Cooney says:

    You married me just to be rich,
    My lawyer says: “Time to unhitch”,
    My infected site,
    As result of your bite,
    Will ruin you in court, you fat lady!

  158. John Cooney says:

    For Tony’s delectation:

    Prince Charlie met Archie McDonald,
    And sniggered and blurted, while coddled,
    “I dare say your sporran,
    Will heat and then burn”,
    As he tickled and fervently fondled!

  159. John Cooney says:

    The shock of Sir Laurence Olivier,
    With a man with his face in his derrière,
    I cringed at the sight,
    And cried, taking flight,
    “And don’t say he’s just a sommelier!”

  160. Tony Holmes says:


    Gosh, John! That Irn-Bru really takes its toll, doesn’t it? Only slightly less potent than LSD to judge by the above – which had been chuckling for several minutes, by the by. Cheers, mate!

  161. Tony Holmes says:

    Thanks to you, John, I’m Scottish – “Awright!?”
    I’ve played, “Sunshine On Leith” through the night.
    Breakfast? “Mars bars – deep-fried!
    Can’t do Haggis – I’ve tried –
    Then some heavy – kept handy on site.

    I’ve entered a Scottish phase – all your fault. I do this every now and again. Next up for me today, Kevin Bridges – after I’ve played The Proclaimers a few more times. LOL

  162. John Cooney says:

    “Can I have your name and address?”,
    Asked the Judge, “before you confess”,
    (S)he said: “Freda stroke Dwight,
    From the Freetown Camp-site,
    And, of course Hon, for you I’ve a dress!”

  163. John Cooney says:

    Greetings again, Tony.
    I’ve just seen your posts. Very entertaining indeed.
    I admit I went a wee bit O.T.T. On the Irn-bru!
    Not at all P.C. I spose Doggerel Licence is my “Get outa Jail Free Card”.
    Keep ‘me comin’. Haste ye back!
    I love Scotland too.

  164. John Cooney says:

    Keep ‘em coming.
    NOT what what printed in error!!!

  165. John Cooney says:

    Tony, we might be on thin ice.

    We shouldn’t be meeting like this,
    Or Mad May present us a kiss,
    Of death and expulsion,
    For causing revulsion,
    To others who hate our remiss!

  166. Mike Young says:

    He was Trumplet when young
    And his praises were quite often sung
    But now he’s mature
    We avoid him, for sure.
    ‘Cos he’s fearful when using his tongue!

  167. Tony Holmes says:

    Fear ye not, they’re a tolerant lot –
    Though Suzanne can get bothered – she’s hot!
    Are we ‘having amiss?
    Will Mad blow us a kiss?
    From experience, probably not.

    As fer keepin’ ye ‘comin’, my lad,
    Sigmund F might be asking, “Your Dad –
    Boxing gloves every night?
    “Ah’m protectin’ yer sight!”
    Makin’ up fer lost time – the new fad?

    I’m thinking you must hail from the Hebrides, John. You can’t be from Glasgow, you’re much too sensitive and refined. (No offence to Glaswegians. I’m thinking Rab C, here.)

  168. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story… but I’m still undecided when it comes to the last line…)

    I just CAME back from camping last night
    Where I went was a beautiful sight.
    I came home, hit the sack,
    Thought, “One day I’ll go back”
    So tomorrow I’ll pack, then take flight.

  169. Tim James says:

    He’s ablaze. It was love at first sight
    When a gal set his heart full alight.
    But it pains him to think
    That she’s now in the clink
    ‘Cause she torched his house too. She ain’t right.

  170. Tony Holmes says:

    Hey, Suzanne! You’re a sight for sore eyes!
    You’ve been camping? Get bitten by flies?
    I’ll fill in repartee:
    “There are no flies on me!
    I’m repellent by nature – poor guys.”

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    Hey, Suzanne! Did the midges not bite?
    Were you covered in lotion at night?
    “No, the midges evade
    Without chemical aid:
    There’s no need, I repel them on sight.”

    Thought I ought to stay on piste. Don’t want you telling me off on your forst day back, now, do I? X

  172. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Mr. Shakespeare-on-Steroids Sir Holmes
    I have read all your numerous poems.
    Though your words on this site
    Have a humorous bite,
    They’ve turned into some frightful rhizomes.

    Dont inCLUDE me in Irv’s pervy group
    It just SOMEhow reeks strongly of poop
    An unflattering sight
    For my name to be blight,
    You have got to stop citing that loop.

    Then your mischievous tongue strikes again
    With my name, just to rattle my chain!
    On Mad’s page I won’t fight
    It’s too sacred a site
    I’ll just laugh (with a slight bit of pain).

    Though I don’t really want to admit
    That my fiery passions are lit
    By your verses as such
    You’ve a certain nice touch
    But your words are too much! (just a bit).

  173. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’ve two children; I’ve raised them the same.
    They’re like DAY and night (who is to blame?)
    The first one’s a saint
    But the second one ain’t
    More than once made me faint, brought me shame.

    Though my mothering skills I’ve perfected,
    Her dad’s genes came through undetected.
    She’s the anti-christ beast
    (Thats okay, she’s out east)
    Far away, so at least I’m protected!

  174. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m so glad that you’re back in the game!
    Did my ‘Chocolate Cake’ put you to shame?
    You were absent from site,
    As though you’d taken fright,
    And weren’t up to the fight, hence your name.

    And dear Irving was not the bad guy.
    He was deep undercover. No, Cy –
    He who showed him the sights,
    And the pervy delights –
    Is the one to defame and decry.

    Now I’ve got you inflamed, I shall fan!
    Sorry, Suze, but I’m that sort of man.
    With my bellows on ‘High’,
    All my wiles I’ll apply,
    And keep going as long as I can.

  175. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 451. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wine.