Archive for December, 2007

Two Haiku

Monday, December 31st, 2007

When prompted to use the words curious, eventually, and shower in a poem, this haiku more or less wrote itself:

I am curious:
Will you eventually
Shower?  I hope so.

And here’s another haiku, this one inspired by an earth-themed prompt:

There’s no earthly way
I’d ever vote for global
Warming deniers.

Frosty Haiku

Sunday, December 30th, 2007

Ev’ning argument.
Sleepless night, anger unchecked.
Early morning frost.

Wishing You A Spirited New Year (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 4)

Friday, December 28th, 2007

Sorry for the late post!  My father’s very ill, and I’ve been traveling between New York and North Carolina. 

Today’s limerick and haiku themes are wine and spirits or the New Year or, if you prefer, both. Here’s my wine and spirits limerick: 

The bartender offered cheap brandy.
“No fine cognac?” I whined—wasn’t handy.
So I had to decline,
Mulled and ordered dry wine—
Told the barkeep, “Your cab tastes like candy!”

Here’s a wine snob haiku, the first of today’s two haiku:

Decant, sniff, sip, spit—
Wine connoisseur’s ritual.
I’d rather just drink.

And here’s a haiku that combines both themes:

Champagne bubbles dance.
Spirited revelers toast.
A new year’s welcomed.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about today’s theme(s). When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here. And you can find my New Year’s Resolutions humor here.

Love At First Sight (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 3)

Friday, December 21st, 2007

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is love at first sight or, if you prefer, simply love. Here’s my love at first sight limerick: 

Amoré Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

‘Twas amoré (yes, love) at first sight
When I met my dear husband that night.
We’ve been wed thirty years—
So much laughter, some tears.
Mark, my husband, remains Mr. Right. 

And here’s my haiku on the same theme:

I laughed at the thought
Of love at first sight, but our
Love had the last laugh.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about love at first sight or some other love-related topic. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your love verse.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

Multitasking Mania (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 2)

Friday, December 14th, 2007

Welcome to my 2nd Poetry Prompt. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) on this week’s theme, which is Multitasking. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your multitasking-related verse.

Here’s my multitasking limerick, which was inspired by this news story: Runny Pasta Sauce Nabs Hit And Run Driver.

Just Desserts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s risky to drive while you eat,
Most especially pasta with meat:
Slurping red sauce is rash—
You might very well crash
And leave evidence trails head to feet.

And here’s my multitasking themed haiku:

Lectured to not do
Two things at once, he obeyed
And always did three.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

UPDATE: Happy National Pasta Day: October 17, 2012!

One Car Guaranty I’d Gladly Forgo

Monday, December 10th, 2007

One Car Guaranty I’d Gladly Forgo
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Those dents seem to come right on cue
A few days from your auto’s debut.
A scratch or a nick
Will show up mighty quick.
How do dents know your car’s spanking new?

(You can find more of my car and driving humor here.)

(Inspired by this dent prompt.)

NOTE: There’s still time to give my first limerick and haiku prompt a try.

Annoying Advice Poetry Prompt (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 1)

Saturday, December 8th, 2007

I’ve been having so much fun drawing inspiration from poetry prompts, that I thought I’d launch my own.  And since I’m seriously (and unseriously) into limericks and haiku, I’m focusing on those two forms.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) on this week’s theme: Annoying Advice.  When your poem’s taken root, please return to this post and add a direct link to your themed poem.

Here’s my Annoying Advice limerick:

Chin Up
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Keep your chin up, and things will be fine.
Just act brave. Do not bitch, flinch, or whine.
You have the right stuff.
You just have to hang tough.”
Does anyone fall for that line? 

And here’s my Annoying Advice haiku:

When somebody says
“You sure you want to do that?”
Doubt perversely fades.

UPDATE: Happy Cliché Day, November 3rd!

Competition Haiku

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Warning: This post (three haiku about competition) is humor-free:

The need to be first—
Exciting, addictive,
But doomed to disappoint.

Competing oboists
Break reeds and steal music—
Angling for an edge.

Orchestra try-outs
Held behind screens to halt bias—
Betrayed by heels.

(For the lighter side of music, click here.)

Friday Five Fun — The Eccentric Pianist

Friday, December 7th, 2007

This week’s Friday Five asks us to use these five words in a poem or story: mustard, piano, elastic, moat, and notorious.  As you can see, it set me off in a rather silly direction:

The Eccentric Pianist
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The notoriously eccentric pianist
Played electric stride piano
With an elastic reach worthy of Fats Waller
While perched on the deck of his moat-surrounded castle,
Then dined on a meal of mustard sandwiches.

For a post and limerick about a real (and not-nearly-so-eccentric) stride pianist, check out my Ode To Judy Carmichael.

(You can find more of my music humor here.)

The Turn Not Taken (Haiku)

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Eyeing a road sign
That says, “Turn Right,” he turns left.
It turns out, he’s right.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The “he” in this haiku is my husband, Mark.  He’ll freely admit to being a bit perverse.  He’ll also (legitimately) brag about his great sense of direction.

I eyed this prompt and used this road sign to write this haiku.

Weathering New York Weather (Limerick)

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Weathering New York Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The weather outside isn’t nice,
And the walks are all covered with ice.
I seem to recall
That it’s technic’ly fall.
Would I leave New York City? No dice!

(You can find more of my seasonal (and holiday) humor here and more of my New York humor here.)

Ms. Legal Person Answers Your Holiday Questions

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season.  “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader.  “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.  

Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:

Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.

A: Why?

Q: It’s sexual harassment.

A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?

Q: No.

A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.

Q. Certainly not.

A: That’s what I thought.

*****

Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse? 

A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.  

Q: That’s great news!

A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.

Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?

A: How old are you?

Q: 37.

A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.

*****

Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here

(You can find more holiday humor here.)

Can’t Contain My Disdain For Luggage Rules

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007

It’s hard to believe, but snow globes (even tiny ones) are a carry-on baggage no-no. I’m not kidding — an  airline luggage inspector actually seized our miniscule Vegas memento. Why?  It seems that bomb-makers can do something really, really scary with the fraction-of-an-ounce of water contained in an eight-dollar snow globe.

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

Seizing your snow globe
For being an airline threat
Doesn’t hold water.

(You can find more of my travel and vacation humor here, and more container haiku here.)