Ms. Legal Person returns by popular demand with advice for the holiday season. “Your free help was worth every penny,” wrote one satisfied reader. “Do you have malpractice insurance?” wrote … oops, wrong letter.
Okay, enough with the accolades and on with your questions:
Q: They hung mistletoe in my office, and I’m highly offended.
Q: It’s sexual harassment.
A: I see. Has anyone ever kissed you while you were standing under the mistletoe?
A: What about when you weren’t standing under the mistletoe.
Q. Certainly not.
A: That’s what I thought.
Q: My birthday falls right before Christmas and I always get short-changed. Do I have any legal recourse?
A: You suffer from Badly Timed Birthday Syndrome. Fortunately, last year’s Anti-Discrimination and Mental Health Care Reform Bill included the Birthday Rehabilitation Act. It allows you to petition any federal judge to modify your birthday by no more than 30 days.
Q: That’s great news!
A: You need only prove that your birthday coincides with a key holiday, causing pain and suffering and depriving you of your fair share of attention and gifts.
Q: Wow! Can I also modify my birth year?
A: How old are you?
A: I’m afraid not. But you’re free to lie like everyone else.
Ms. Legal Person answers more of your holiday questions here.
(You can find more holiday humor here.)