While I don’t drink stout (or any sort of beer, ale, lager, etc.) I couldn’t resist celebrating “International Stout Day” with a limerick:
A patient whose ailment was gout,
Was informed that he drank too much stout.
The fellow turned pale,
As he yelled “I need ale!
“Downing beer is what living’s about.”
I’ve heard a little rumor
That it’s “Start A Rumor Day”
From some scuttlebutting boomer.
Let’s hold gossiping at bay.
Pretend I did not tell you
Of this holiday, absurd.
Please don’t let my news impel you
To repeat it. Not a word!
Thanksgiving Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I should really stop singing the blues
And bemoaning the terrible news
And, instead, send this greeting:
At least we are eating;
Many people lack roof, food, and shoes.
Limerick Ode To Greedy Stores
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t reward greedy, cynical stores
For behaving like gluttonous whores:
If they’re open on days
Like Thanksgiving, it pays
To shop elsewhere. Don’t walk through their doors!
******
A Companion Haiku:
Stores, be on notice:
Open doors on Thanksgiving?
Brace for a boycott.
******
In honor of “Absurdity Day” and “Air Your Dirty Laundry Day,” here’s a pair of haiku:
“Absurdity Day”
How is this day different
from all other days?
*****
I don’t celebrate
“Air Your Dirty Laundry Day”
Because it’s a wash.
Limerick Ode To Homemade Bread Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It is Homemade Bread Day, but don’t make me.
Even future bread begs, “Please don’t bake me!”
I’m not good with a stove;
Don’t know clover, from clove.
In the kitchen my brain cells forsake me.
Limerick Ode To “Lovable Lawyers Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “Lovable Lawyers Day.” Whee!
But this day isn’t greeted with glee.
It seems most people say:
“Love a Lawyer? No Way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?
*****
Alternative Version for “Love Your Lawyer Day” (1st Friday in November)
“Love Your Lawyer Day” most will agree
Isn’t greeted with gusto or glee.
Many clients would say:
“Love my lawyer? No way!”
But what about ex-Esqs … like me?
Happy National Absurdity Day! (November 20)
Limerick Ode To National Absurdity Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Today you can get a free pass
To be zany — do things that lack class:
It’s Absurdity Day,
So go your own way—
Skip backwards, dance nude, kiss a bass.
Here’s an invention we could have done nicely without: On November 7, 1876, the cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by Albert H. Hook.
I’m Not Hooked On This Patent (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A patent that now seems obscene
For the cigarette making machine
Has a birthday today.
Albert Hook paved the way,
Hooking people on cigs to make green.
Happy “Use Your Common Sense Day.” (November 4)
Limerick Ode To “Use Your Common Sense Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are people with brilliance immense
Who lack, nonetheless, common sense.
Despite great comprehension,
You might have to mention:
“Wear clothing. This blizzard’s intense.”
Happy “World Kindness Day,” which is celebrated on November 13th.
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “World Kindness Day.” Try to be nice.
Put your mean inclinations on ice.
Be pleasant and sweet—
A warm smile would be neat.
Please don’t hurt me — it’s only advice.
(Linked at DVerse Poets.)
Happy International Accounting Day, which is celebrated on November 10th. My apologies to accountants for this limerick:
Limerick Ode To An Excellent Career
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The comptroller had tried to do well
With his powerful urge to excel.
He had planned out his life
Using spreadsheets, but strife
Intervened. He’s accounting in hell.
UPDATE: October 17 is Spreadsheet Day.
A Sax Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A blowhard musician named Rand
Played sax (not too well) in a band.
He’d blow solos, yet boast.
Now he’s finally toast—
The leader, at last, took a stand.
UPDATE: November 6 is Saxophone Day, in honor of inventor Adolphe Sax’s birthday in 1814.
Dear Merchants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Black Friday — you want us to shop,
To spend all of our money, non-stop.
But I won’t spend a dime
Cuz I’d rather spend time
Writing rhymes I could trade. Care to swap?
Raw Confusion Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I stare at my freezer, unglued:
I’m in “Indian leftovers” mood.
But it’s chaos in there.
Yes, from now on I swear
That I’ll label my freezer-bound food.
UPDATE: I just found out that November 29th is “Throw Out Your Leftovers Day.” And October 30th is Haunted Refrigerator Night.
I’m always looking for fun ways to jumpstart my muse. A new favorite is this Serendipitous Oxymoron writing prompt generator over at the Writing Fix. Just a couple of clicks can pair you up with an amusing or thought-provoking oxymoron. For instance, today it gave me “Tasty Tragedy,” which inspired this limerick:
Tasty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The baker delivered his cake,
As the bride yelled, “I’ve made a mistake!”
She canceled her vows.
But that cake sure got wows,
As the wedding turned into a wake.
UPDATE: November 26th is National Cake Day.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
