Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DOPE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 15, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DOPE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LOVE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LOVE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 16, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 15, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DOPE-rhyme limerick:

Wear a mask, please, and don’t be a dope.
Yes, it may be annoying, but cope.
Start now, and don’t wait;
You already are late…
And it also won’t hurt to use soap.

And here’s my LOVE-themed limerick:

“I’m in love,” said a gal to her mom.
“My boyfriend is great. He’s the bomb!”
But her mother replied:
“No, he’s conned you and lied;
He’s been featured in!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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223 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DOPE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 15, 2020)”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    My wife said, Hey, how ’bout a grope?
    But me, not being a dope,
    Could see right through
    Her scheme. It’s true.
    Twas my wallet she wanted. No soap.

  2. Dee Hyrkas says:

    I’m coming down hard from the dope.
    Don’t bother me, please. I can’t cope.
    I’ve smoked up my hash
    and I’m fresh out of cash.
    If things get much worse, I’ll drink Scope.

  3. John Cooney says:

    While rounding The Cape Of Good Hope,
    Bart oiled and extended his Scope,
    But, he slipped (too much rum),
    The said tool up his bum,
    And discovered such thing as a dope!

  4. John Cooney says:

    Donald ducks, when on the rope,
    His I.V. of choice is bleached soap,
    His I.Q.’s the best,
    He trumps all the rest,
    Despite the plain fact he’s a dope!

  5. John Cooney says:

    My Doc showed his proctoscope,
    I said: “Give me drugs, man, to cope,
    That’s really good “shit”,
    For it prolonged my fit,
    I recommend highly your dope!”

  6. John Cooney says:

    Apologies: omitted a word (“me”) from Line 1.

    My Doc showed me his proctoscope,
    I said: “Give me drugs, man, to cope,
    That’s really good “shit”,
    For it prolonged my fit,
    I recommend highly your dope!

  7. John Cooney says:

    My boyfriend announced, “Let’s elope!”,
    I scolded him, saying: “You dope,
    Though kinky, contrary,
    I’m still Sister Mary,
    And shan’t be betrothed to The Pope!”

  8. John Cooney says:

    I would fall in love if I could,
    A violet shrunk could be best bud,
    My bi-polar nature,
    Would need legislature,
    To render my plight understood!

  9. Tony Holmes says:

    A note, in (brotherly) LOVE, to the Portly Bard.

    Ah, Dear Portly, a word in your ear.
    Your remarks were most gracious, mon frere.
    I do hope you read this
    For I fear I’m remiss,
    So, I’ve posted the last one and here.

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, to love thee! I’m counting the ways.
    Let’s begin by removing your stays.
    Then these damn petticoats!
    What? You women want votes?
    We’ll get ‘round to it – one of these days.

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    Blue-nosed Vinny’s the man with the dope.
    If he says it’s sure-fire, then it’s oke!
    Sure, he missed that one time,
    But forgive, that’s no crime;
    And with Vin’, no one ever goes broke.

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    They do say, don’t they, that one should lead by example? Read the above and draw your own conclusions. (Ho hum!)

    Blue-nosed Vinny’s the man with the dope.
    If he says it’s sure-fire, then there’s hope!
    Sure, he missed that one time,
    But forgive, that’s no crime;
    Because Vin’ don’t employ the soft soap.

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    Dope by example.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    A masterful recovery?

    Blue-nosed Vinny, of whom I have spoke,
    If he says it’s sure-fire, then it’s oke!
    Sure, one time the poor dope
    Slid down slippery slope;
    But since then? No one ever goes broke.

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    Looming dread when I think about dope.
    Dee’s begun at the end of her rope.
    So, when Sjaan does his thing,
    And Suzanne starts to sing …
    We’re all headed for Slippery Slope!

  16. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m trying for Runyonesque, so … (Sorry Suze!)

    Dead Cert Vinny’s the man with the dope.
    If he says it’s sure-fire, then there’s hope!
    Sure, he missed that one time,
    But forgive, that’s no crime;
    Dead Cert Vin’ ain’t the man to soft soap.

  17. Tony Holmes says:

    I suggested, “Why don’t we elope?
    All we’d need is a good length of rope.”
    But my love had a fit;
    Said, “Sod off! You half-wit.”
    Which, apparently, means I’m a dope.

  18. Tony Holmes says:

    Ooh! Is that a twofer?

  19. Tony Holmes says:

    I suggested, “Why don’t we elope?
    All we’d need is a good length of rope.”
    But my love had a fit;
    Said, “Sod off! You half-wit.”
    Which, apparently, means I’m a dope.

    This was not the response I had hoped
    And for many a day, yes, I moped.
    Then, Eureka! A plan.
    And I knew just the man.
    She’ll be much more compliant when doped.

  20. Tony Holmes says:

    I suggested, “Why don’t we elope?
    All we’d need is a good length of rope.”
    But my love had a fit;
    Said, “Sod off! You half-wit.”
    Which, apparently, means I’m a dope.

    This was not the response I had hoped
    And for many a day, yes, I moped.
    Then, Eureka! A plan.
    And I knew just the man.
    She’ll be much more compliant when doped.

    My fiancée was ever the tope,
    So, I had great success with the dope.
    It was when she came round
    That we travelled new ground,
    And since then … no, not even a grope.

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    A Twofer?

    I’ve decided life offers no scope
    To a cack-handed, squinty-eyed dope.
    Luck and love both elude
    This unfortunate dude;
    Man, a life without nookie! Who’d cope?

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    The Doctor was far from a dope,
    But he’d almost abandoned all hope,
    For the President’s brain
    Had gone missing again …
    It was found with a large proctoscope.

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    Yes, of all of the gifts life bestows,
    One excels all the others. Suppose
    That Life left you estranged,
    Would you not be deranged?
    If you never know love, son, who knows?

  24. Kirk Miller says:

    My uncle did not give up hope
    Of wedding my aunt. He’s no dope.
    He called Grandpa a deer,
    And just why became clear
    When Grandpa let antelope.

  25. Tony Holmes says:

    Though it pains to admit, I’m a dope.
    What on earth can it mean, ‘Proctoscope’?
    So, I probed in the dark
    And saw light. What a lark!
    Do I need to probe further? Oh, nope!

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    He knew it was love at first sight;
    A vision so perfect and right.
    And what would inspire
    Such unchecked desire?
    Trump’s mirror – his source of delight.

  27. Mike Young says:

    I used up a whole bar of soap
    When making a slippery rope
    It was vital, you see
    As it hung from a tree
    To deal with a world-famous dope!

    The victim just wasn’t a dove
    So he had to be sent with a shove.
    The branch was so strong
    That nothing went wrong
    It’s just not a job that I love!

  28. Sharon Neeman says:

    We’ve all watched him lie, steal and grope
    For years. Will he change now? No hope.
    If you think that he’ll get
    Any better, I bet
    There’s a bridge I can sell you, you dope!

  29. Dave Johnson says:

    I don’t think I’m being a dope
    For having a smidgen of hope.
    That moment we face,
    We’ll reject and replace
    By telling the G.O.P. “Nope!”

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” sure has lots of quirks
    To be honest, he’s one of those jerks
    But he’s got lots of money
    Lets me cheat with my “honey”
    And that’s why our love affair works

  31. A kindly young woman named Hope,
    Fell in love with the very first dope,
    He treated her crummy,
    And was terribly scummy,
    So she washed him away with some soap.

  32. Jesse Levy says:

    The commander-in-chief is a dope.
    His incompetence gives me no hope.
    He brags of “his people”
    But his boasts are so feeble
    By now just an old tired trope.

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    A young kid, I felt like a dope;
    They’d joke about “souls filled with hope”.
    With bath tubs and church,
    I was left in the lurch;
    Especially “holes filled with soap”.

  34. He handed her his written love letter,
    He thought “that’s the way that I’ll get her!”
    A naughty limerick he included,
    She snorted, “you’re deluded,”
    And walked away saying, “I can do so much better.”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Me and Maggie

    Fell in love with a pretty girl, “Mag”
    Always helpful, and never a nag
    But now we are through
    And I surely was blue
    When I found out she cheated at Tag

  36. I think that love is kind of stupid,
    The mascot is a naked baby named cupid,
    The whole thing will start,
    With an arrow through the heart,
    If you survive, you’ve often been dupe-id.

  37. Rewrite…

    He gave her his written love letter,
    He thought, “that’s the way that I’ll get her!”
    A naughty limerick he included,
    She snapped, “You’re deluded”
    And added “I can do so much better.”

  38. Rewrite:

    I think that love is kind of stupid,
    The mascot? A naked baby named Cupid.
    The whole thing will start,
    With an arrow through the heart
    If you live, you’ve often been dupe Id.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    True love at first sight overtook
    Me; I drooled and I gushed and I shook
    But now that we’re wed
    Should have used my damn head
    And taken just one more quick look

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think this one’s better:

    True love at first sight overtook
    Me; I drooled and I gushed and I shook
    But now that we’re wed
    Think I’d rather be dead
    Should’ve taken just one more quick look

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    The cops said, “This guy was a dope”
    Told reporters, “He just couldn’t cope:
    He was takin’ a shower
    Then started to cower
    And got strangled with “soap on a rope”

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    When a person addicted to dope
    Goes cold turkey, there’s reason to hope
    That this agonised soul
    May, with love, become whole,
    And discover a life with more scope.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    One who chooses to make his career
    In proctology, is, I do fear,
    The epitomised dope!
    Tools of choice, proctoscope,
    Clamps and scissors, to bring up the rear.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    “Darling mine, I confess I am hoping
    That you’re down with the thought of eloping.
    If that isn’t the case,
    I’m afraid we must face,
    The alternative, dear – I am doping.’

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    “Love, I think, is much more than a grope,
    And of having your way using dope.
    Sending flowers is a must –
    A sure sign it’s not lust;
    If you think in these terms, then there’s hope.”

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    “If you’re sure that you want my advice?
    I’ll endeavour to keep it concise.
    I suggest, avoid dope,
    If you mean to elope;
    Quite apart from the cost, it’s not nice.”

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    A good thing made better?

    It may be when you choose a career
    In proctology, motive’s unclear.
    You epitomised dope!
    Tools of trade, proctoscope,
    Clamps and scissors, to bring up the rear!

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    Love – A cynic’s-eye view.

    Love and folly are cinema tropes
    That turn great hulking chaps into dopes.
    For the sake of some skirt,
    Guys, so easily hurt,
    Are misled into raising their hopes.

    They’re persuaded that love is for real,
    That the gold-digger isn’t a heel.
    They think they’ll be happy,
    And so become sappy,
    All convinced that they’ve found their ideal.

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    Love – A Cynic’s-Eye View

    Love and folly are cinema tropes
    That turn great hulking chaps into dopes.
    For the sake of some skirt,
    Guys, so easily hurt,
    Are mislead into raising their hopes.

    They’re persuaded that love is for real,
    That the gold-digger isn’t a heel.
    They think they’ll be happy,
    And so become sappy,
    All convinced that they’ve found their ideal.

    The reality check comes too late,
    Now betrayed, they succumb to their fate.
    Some join legions foreign,
    Others, liars, will feign
    That their lives are still rosy, but hate.

    If forewarned is forearmed, well and good.
    You will now be on guard, as you should.
    When that winsome young bint,
    Bats her eyes, that’s a hint
    To hightail it and hide in the wood.

  50. Michael P Moulton says:

    While ignoring the positive slope
    Of Covid infections, a dope,
    Said, “Covering faces,
    in public places,
    Will just make the president mope.”

  51. Tony Holmes says:

    Seven dwarves, one of which was a dope.
    One was tetchy, one dozed, one a tope. (He drank – hay-fever)
    One was smart, one was shy,
    One was happy, know why?
    ‘Cause Snow White had just given him hope.

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    Seven dwarves, one of which was a dope.
    One was tetchy, one dozed, one a tope. (He drank – hay-fever)
    One was smart, one was shy,
    One was happy, know why?
    ‘Cause Snow White had just given him hope.

    Dopey’s visage was tragic to see.
    He said, “Snow White was promised to me!”
    “No, I think you misheard.
    What she said was, ‘My word!
    That’s a sight for sore eyes – and so wee!’”

    “No! I’m madly in love with Snow White,
    And if need be, I’ll put up a fight.
    Three feet tall I may be,
    With a manhood that’s wee,
    But the passion I feel gives me height.”

  53. I wish I was less of a dope
    That way there would be far less rope
    to hang on my words
    that keep dropping like words
    When I try clever and end up in trope.

  54. Tony Holmes says:

    Or, The ‘Disney’ Ending

    Seven dwarves, one of which was a dope.
    One was tetchy, one dozed, one a tope. (He drank – hay-fever)
    One was smart, one was shy,
    One was happy, know why?
    ‘Cause Snow White had just given him Hope.

    Hope, you see, was the friend of Snow White,
    Liked old men with long beards and low height.
    Seems the lass was beguiled
    When the happy dwarf smiled,
    Much to Snow White’s and Dopey’s delight.

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    The Real Life ending. (Sorry Suze. Just read the last.)

    Seven dwarves, one of which was a dope.
    One was tetchy, one dozed, one a tope. (He drank – hay-fever)
    One was smart, one was shy,
    One was happy, know why?
    ‘Cause Snow White had just given him hope.

    Dopey’s visage was tragic to see.
    He said, “Snow White was promised to me!”
    “No, I think you misheard.
    What she said was, ‘My word!
    That’s a sight for sore eyes – and so wee!’”

    “But I’m madly in love with Snow White,
    And, if need be, I’ll put up a fight.
    Three feet tall I may be,
    With a manhood that’s wee,
    But the passion I feel gives me might!”

    The ensuing fracas took its toll.
    Dopey, maddened with grief, took a stroll.
    It was much later learned
    That he no longer yearned,
    As he’d given his heart to a troll.

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, in ‘A Cynic’s-Eye Vie’, please change ‘mislead’ misled. (Wasn’t paying attention.) Thank you!



  57. Dave Johnson says:

    “I love you.” he said with a sigh;
    “Of course it’s insane, but let’s try.”
    Rebuffing his plea,
    She was asked “Is it me?”
    Alexa: “Nope – some other guy.”

  58. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Grandma’s cottage was perched on a slope,
    where the weeds were way wild beyond hope.
    There, a Big Bad old hound
    wolfing sweets by the pound,
    giggled, “Grandma, your brownies are dope!”

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m a sapiosexual gal.
    If you’re dumb, you can just go to hell.
    If YOU want to love me
    Then YOU have to shove me
    With proof that you’re brainy as well.

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    Found a shrink cuz I just couldn’t cope
    He said, “Not to worry; don’t mope
    Please take my advice
    It’ll make you feel nice:
    Do not mope. There is hope. Just smoke dope.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:


    Found a shrink, cuz all day I’d just mope
    I told him , “I’ve lost all my hope”
    He said, “Take my advice
    It’ll make you feel nice:
    Do not mope. There is hope. Just smoke dope.”

  62. Charles Simmons says:

    I fear for me there is no hope
    I am a confused stupid dope
    Full of shame and sad remorse
    A cowboy who has lost his horse
    Or did l simply find a rope.

  63. Tim James says:

    A homophobe just couldn’t cope.
    He said, “Marriage equality? Nope!
    Wedlock’s just,” he’d aver,
    “For a him and a her.”
    There you have it, my friends: the straight dope.

    “It’s ‘the love that dare not speak its name.’
    Those who sin are condemned to the flame!”
    Is that brimstone I smell?
    It’s our version of hell
    That the whole GOP thinks the same.

  64. Tony Holmes says:

    Ooh, Suzanne! You’ve gone up in my est’.
    Sappysexual women are best.
    They come primed to detect
    What is cloaked by defect,
    And are known to take care of their chest.

    Please file under ‘Love’.

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I must file under ‘love’? What a sneak!
    Do you plan on conversing all week?!
    Hijack MAD’S page with crap?
    (Though I do smell a trap)
    So your chance of that happ’ning are bleak.

  66. Richard Campbell says:

    Due to Covid, I’d simply lost hope.
    But then Drumpf said to turn on to dope.
    “With enough hash or speed,
    All your cares will recede.
    And injection’s the best way to cope.”

  67. Richard Campbell says:

    “My dearest, my darling, my sweet.
    With you, my life would be complete.”
    “Lord, don’t be a dope.
    For you, there’s no hope.
    And to think so’s an utter conceit.

    And to see me no more I entreat.

    Now be fleet on your feet down the street.”

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    I shall rise above that one, Suzanne.
    As a sapiosexual man,
    I can see there’s no hope,
    So you see, I’m no dope;
    Though I’m smitten, I’ll follow your plan.

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    Than a man on the scrapheap of love,
    Is there anything sadder? The shove?
    Out of nowhere it came –
    And I know who’s to blame;
    The conspirators worked hand in glove.

  70. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Poor Tony…

    I was harsh and I did criticize
    But monopolize THIS page? Not wise.
    Others’ entries would be
    Lost and drowned in a sea
    Of our love repartee we’d devise.

    Other folks may be miffed that we are
    A bit selfish to take this too far
    But some curious dope
    Might just hold out some hope
    Of what lurks in our love repertoire.

    So I guess a few more words can’t hurt
    But let’s not remove pants (or my shirt!)
    Though I sound like a nun
    We just might have some fun
    I must say though, you’re ONE bloody flirt!

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s most hard when your hopes she inflates.
    And then all of a sudden, she gates.
    So, I’m making a stand,
    Lest this get out of hand,
    And I’ll brook no demurs or debates.

    I have done what I can to pitch woo;
    Now I find myself dumped. What to do?
    I’m a man with a heart –
    This is good for my art –
    So, I’ll suffer. Now, over to you.

    But before we sign off, dish the dirt!
    Tell me more of this buttoned up shirt.
    Come on, Suze! Dish the dope –
    I’m tied down with strong rope;
    Casanova himself couldn’t flirt.

    And PS, not a photo in sight!
    I am left to imagine what might …
    Don’t mistake, I can DREAM,
    But I’d truly esteem
    Something saucy – no sleaze – to delight.

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    If you wish, I can be on my way.
    If it’s over, I’ll call it a day.
    Love is fragile, I know,
    And needs nurture to grow –
    And a willing abandon in play.

  73. Tony Holmes says:

    When we love, we have passion, not lust,
    Which engenders respect and builds trust.
    Passion swells as love grows –
    For one reaps what one sows –
    And endures till we’re turned back to dust.

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    I have suffered enough, so I’m back,
    And I’ve come to reclaim what I lack.
    But to show I’m no dope,
    And, of course, while there’s hope,
    I will learn from the past and change tack.

    May I ask what your hobbies are, please?
    I know baking – and don’t include tease!
    Are you classy, refined?
    How’d you like to unwind?
    Would you say you’re a woman at ease?

  75. Richard Campbell says:

    Correction to previous submission.

    Due to Covid, I’d simply lost hope.
    But then Drumpf said to turn on to cope.
    “With enough hash or speed,
    All your cares will recede.
    And injection’s the best way to dope.”

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I think about “love at first sight”
    I knew I had found Mr. Right
    I shall never forget
    When our eyes quickly met
    Even better, he don’t even bite

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Love and Dope

    Do not walk in circles and mope
    Find love; it will give you great hope
    Though “head over heels”
    Comes with many ordeals
    So keep a real good stash of dope

  78. The Portly Bard says:




    Being sapiosexual means
    she’s in search of IQ in your genes
    (to make sure you’re no dope
    and your ego can cope)
    before physical groping convenes.

    To prompt “Sapio Suze” to contrive
    any chance for romance to arrive,
    get a grip on your chore
    she will open no door
    til you’re rhyming line four in line five.

    File under WISDOM.

  79. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A lonely old shepherd once shouted,
    “I love love! And I won’t do without it!”
    He especially loved girls,
    the ones with tight curls,
    and refused to feel sheepish about it.

  80. Tony Holmes says:

    Greetings, Portly! So glad you dropped by.
    It’s a shame that by nature, you’re shy.
    Thanks for dishing the dope,
    But I think I can cope;
    So, you can’t muscle in, but nice try.

    Where Suzanne is concerned, I’ve a plan,
    I am wooing as soft as I can.
    Of course, Dee may intrude,
    Shouting, “What the hell, Dude?”
    In which case I’ll withdraw for a span.

    File under, “Growling at Portly.”

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    Second stage growling. (Comes under the ‘All’s fair in love ..” heading)

    En garde, Portly! My weapon of choice,
    Is a well-trained, mellifluous voice.
    It charms birds down from trees
    And brings oafs to their knees,
    And has oft given cause to rejoice.

  82. Jean McEwen says:

    Tell me, how can you be such a dope
    As to think you could vulgarly grope
    The ass of that lass—
    And be given a pass,
    When you heard her distinctly say “nope!”?

  83. Jean McEwen says:

    I have never been lucky in love,
    ‘Cause I always make guys wear a glove
    When we fuck, but that pisses
    Them off, so my “Miss” is
    A status unlikely to shove.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just why do I love her? (That’s tough)
    The reason is easy to bluff
    But the truth is much better
    From the moment I met ‘er
    It was clear that we hate the same stuff

  85. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I said, “Write her a love sonnet, chum.
    Family saga in verse? She’ll go numb.
    Though your lim’ricks are cute,
    I doubt she gives a hoot
    that your Da and Da’s Dada were dumb.”

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    I asked my hot lover boy, Drake
    “Do you feel our affair’s a mistake?”
    He said, “No my dear
    Let me make something clear:
    I love you like Chubby loves cake

  87. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s a while since I smoked any dope.
    Even longer since I had a grope.
    With this lockdown in place
    I’ve been sunk without trace;
    But I still haven’t given up hope.

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    My heart throbs when I think of Suzanne.
    I have urges and yearnings – Oh man!
    She will doubtless reply,
    “’Fore I give you a try,
    I need signed guarantees that you can!”

    “Gosh, that’s harsh! Are your hopes now dissolved?”
    Not at all, it’s a problem soon solved.
    I must prove, once employed,
    That I’ll work when deployed,
    And that chemical aids aren’t involved?

    Very fair when reviewed from her stance.
    Should she weaken and give me my chance,
    And then learn, oh, how sad,
    That I’m no Jack the lad,
    But a worn-out old knight with no lance.

    But on that score, I need not misgive.
    Though no lance, I can muster a shiv.
    Plied with tact and finesse,
    And the lady’s largesse,
    She’ll have memories she’ll want to relive.

    Come, Suzanne! I have set out my stall.
    I stand ready and wait for your call.
    Don’t delay! Beat the crush,
    Or get killed in the rush;
    Now it’s game on – and winner takes all!

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    Love it, Sjaan. Keepin’ the old country ways alive, eh?

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    With love, there should be no remorse
    When first married, you’re happy, (of course)
    But please keep in mind
    Find someone who’s kind
    And strongly believes in divorce

  91. Tim James says:

    An artist, a pompous old dope,
    To bright colors has firmly said nope.
    He’s a bore to his core
    And his work is a snore.
    His new painting: “A Study in Taupe.”

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    Those who love say they’re cruel to be kind,
    But look closer! I think you will find,
    They rehearse the, “Our pain
    Is the greater,” refrain,
    But they’re lying! They really don’t mind.

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    ‘Love Story’ for the bitter and twisted and cynical. I’m ashamed to post it – almost.

    When in love then no ‘Sorry!’ is said.
    You pretend to forgive her. Instead,
    Store the slights, till they’ve built
    To a level where guilt,
    When disclosed, can crash down on their head.

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad will explain.

    When you write about love, best avoid
    Any reference to ‘throb’, lest, annoyed,
    Or incensed by the term,
    Which has made the SPAM squirm,
    Your attempt to amuse ain’t deployed.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    Men have hearts, and do handstands and twirls;
    We’re susceptible, same as you girls.
    But a man takes hurt deep,
    That’s why some turn to sheep;
    Well, it’s that or those tight, woolly curls.

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, that love were an easy affair!
    What I mean is … Oh, shucks, you’ve been there.
    Ups and downs, hot and cold,
    Then unravel, then fold.
    Go ahead! Fall in love – if you dare.

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, to sing by the light of the moon;
    To make women undress, love and spoon.
    Casanova, Don Juan …
    I could be the new Juan;
    All I need is tight tights, and to croon.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    I believe there is “love at first sight”
    And for you, I have seen that bright light
    For me it’s sure true
    Do you feel that way too?
    Or should I come back here tonight?

  99. B A Dragon says:

    Poor Tony is searching for nookie
    But can’t locate a willing cute cookie
    Perhaps with good dope
    He would have some more hope
    Though he might find himself with a wookie.

  100. Scott Straub says:

    I really should learn to say, “Nope!”,
    Cuz, now I just feel like a dope.
    Gave the doc my consent,
    So inside he went,
    With his gas powered, new proctoscope!!

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, Dear Sjaan, you must think me a goof!
    It’s no wonder you’re keeping aloof.
    I’m bereft. Such a tool!
    You’re a girl – I’m a fool!
    I thought Sjaan translates Sean, with no proof.

    Dearest Sjaan, play again, don’t be coy.
    I’ll behave – no I will – my best boy.
    We’ll eschew talk of lust,
    Won’t refer to your bust;
    And who cares if it’s dull and lacks joy?

    Dear Ms Sjaan, be my playmate again!
    In a non-Play-Boy way – you’ve a brain.
    I don’t mean to suggest,
    You’re not great when undressed …
    This is hopeless – I need to retrain!

    I have made my appeal. Give me hope!
    I’m a man at the end of his rope.
    You may think, “Good! Go hang!
    I don’t care – not one pang!”
    It’s a very harsh end for a dope.

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, this is better. Please delete the one above. Thank you.

    I ejaculate – always too soon.
    I’m impulsive and ever the loon.
    Guys like me are a trope –
    In the films – we’re the dope
    Whose remarks are most inopportune.

  103. Tony Holmes says:

    I was told when I got past my prime,
    My lovebido will slow in real time.
    Total crap! What a dope!
    Have I slowed down? Whooaa! Nope!
    Thanks to Mad and the girls, it’s in ‘climb’.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a senior, I must learn to cope
    So I take all these pills to have hope
    I remember a time
    When life was sublime
    And I merely subsisted on dope

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    Cynical ‘Love Story’ better last line. Please delte the first, Mad, when convenient.

    When in love then no ‘Sorry!’ is said.
    You pretend to forgive him. Instead,
    Store the slights, till they’ve built
    To a level where guilt,
    When disclosed, will unman him in bed.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    I am smart and I know how to cope
    I refuse to be slothful and mope
    To exist on just air
    Is surely not fair
    And that is my reason for dope

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    Revised Limerick

    When I think about “love at first sight”
    I know that I found Mr. Right
    I shall never forget
    When our eyes quickly met
    And the best part of all, he don’t bite

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    Wedding Vow

    Our lives will be e’er intertwined
    And now I repeatedly find
    That I’m floating on air
    Precious love we shall share
    (Common sense has abandoned my mind)

  109. Wayne Feder says:

    Sometimes I think I’m a dope,
    For holding a sliver of hope.
    Will Donald keep tweeting
    And lying and cheating?
    Are Catholics still led by the Pope?

  110. Wayne Feder says:

    I won’t say that I’ve given up hope.
    Or I’m numb and can no longer cope.
    But til Trump goes away
    I’m planning to stay,
    In a cave with my kilo of dope.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    The weekend has arrived, and I hope
    That my dealer has stocked up on dope.
    All too oft’, when he’s low,
    He’ll just go with the flow;
    As a trader this limits his scope.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    A truism men always follow
    “Our love affair sure won’t be hollow
    Unless she’s unkind
    And changes her mind
    And one day refuses to swallow”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick:
    Could you please change “My love affair sure won’t be hollow” to “Our love affair sure wont’ be hollow (L2)

    Thank You,


  114. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    All alone in his car, the poor mope,
    with his sandwich and day’s horoscope,
    thought, ‘Great wealth lies ahead!’
    and the prophecy said:
    “Today you’ll have lunch with a dope.”

  115. Tony Holmes says:

    The cruel lack of the feminine touch
    Knocks the best things in life from one’s clutch.
    For a chap, once disowned,
    Leaves his techniques unhoned;
    Well, there’s no hope of lovin’, as such.

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    Love in the 21st Century.

    What a beautiful concept – ‘elope’.
    For Jane Austen a meaningful trope.
    But a joke for today
    They’re all banging away,
    And at best, dads are living in hope.

  117. Wayne Feder says:

    The girl told her friend in disgust,
    “It’s hard to find men you can trust.
    Not heeding Mom’s warning,
    I learned the next morning
    That love’s not the same thing as lust.”

  118. Wayne Feder says:

    When pursuing a sordid affair,
    Covid makes love hard to share.
    So when I show you mine,
    Over here is just fine
    And you show me yours over there.

  119. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    It is better to love and be blue
    than to never have loved….Oh so true.
    Though I’ve paraphrased badly,
    I make this point gladly,
    as long as it’s me dumping you.

  120. John Cooney says:

    For tracking who killed the inspector,
    Her Dad, whom she loved, I respect her,
    Though, sadly bereft,
    She worked and she slept,
    With double o 7 in “Spectre!”

  121. John Cooney says:

    Slight adjustment. (Sorry.)

    For hunting who killed the Inspector,
    Her Dad, whom she loved, we respect her,
    Though, sadly bereft,
    She’d gladly have slept,
    With Double o 7 in “Spectre!”

  122. John Cooney says:

    My Doc took the oath of Hip-poc-rat-es,
    Don’t ‘axe’ me, for I know not what-it-is,
    His pal, Dr. Hope,
    Prescribed me some dope,
    For fungus, name of Zy-go-MY-cet-es!

  123. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Poor Tony…

    Does my long absence make me a jerk?
    Not at all – I’ve done overtime work.
    I’ve now earned lots of money
    No time for a honey
    My schedule’s funny, berserk.

    She’s back now, this li’l Cinderella
    To banter with that Tony fella.
    I’ve got news that might bruise
    You may choose to drink booze.
    When you cry, I might use an umbrella.

    You’re a romeo two-timing fool.
    You have broken the true lovers’ rule
    You have flirted with Dee
    And Sjaan, and then me
    Thats where I don’t agree that it’s cool.

    B. A. Dragon my friend said it best:
    You’re just looking for nookie and breast.
    I’ve expressed that you’ve messed
    Up, your quest failed the test.
    You’re depressed and distressed and obsessed.

    You’re romantic but not very loyal.
    My passions can’t help but recoil.
    It’s quite evidential
    You’ve lost the potential
    To gain some credentials you spoil.

  124. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Portly Bard… I’ll file under”Clever”, as “Wisdom” is not quite an accurate description of your smarts… yet.

    Portly Bard, seems to me that you’ve caught it
    Very few have been able to spot it!
    I’m impressed that you’ve guessed
    The ‘Line four in five’ test.
    If my love is your quest, then you’ve got it!

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    When love comes to an end a man’s hope
    Takes the fast lane down Slippery Slope.
    No ripe bosom to hand,
    No good reason to stand;
    He gets by on cheap whiskey and dope.

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, Suzanne! What a woman you are!
    In your absence I’m well below par.
    How I’ve missed you, my queen!
    I don’t care where you’ve been;
    I’m just glad that you didn’t go far.

    Yes, dear Cinders, I flinched at your news.
    The effect was far worse than a bruise.
    I was stabbed to the heart,
    And I own, it did smart,
    But the errant knight braves and eschews.

    And besides, there’s no solace in booze!
    That is never the course I would choose.
    I might hunt a wild boar,
    For as long as I’m sore,
    And if boars ain’t around, then gnus.

    I’ve been weak. I confess. You are just.
    I’m flirtatious by nature, but lust?
    No, my feelings run deep;
    I have no truck with sheep;
    And I’m roused more by eyes than by bust.

    Re the views of friend Dragon – I flout!
    Such remarks I can well do without.
    I’m wholistic. My quest?
    Find a soul-mate – the best.
    But you’ll listen to B. A., no doubt.

    I am neither depressed nor obsessed;
    For a minute or two, yes, distressed.
    I am loyal to a fault,
    So, your verbal assault,
    Though deserv-ed, must be reassessed.

    A romantic? I s’pose that I am.
    I’m a Capricorn goat, not a ram.
    We aspire to the best,
    True to form, I won’t rest
    Till I’ve proved I’m for real, and no sham.

    I shall hope that your pash will spring back;
    I’ll be ready, and this time, on track.
    You’re the girl of my dreams!
    (Count them up, I wrote reams),
    And however it SEEMS, I won’t tack.

    (Eat your heart out, Portly)

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    Sooo, friend Dragon, you’re ‘burning’ my boats
    With your highly inflammatory quotes.
    Are you fanning the flame?
    Is my downfall your aim?
    I thought dragons were quite fond of goats.

    Oh, pshaw! What an ass! It’s not goats.
    You like donkeys when grazing your oats.
    Ass or donk’, I’m the choice;
    I’m a donkey with voice;
    But Suzanne’s staked her claim, so, no votes!

    I hope you’re payin’ attention, Portly! I’m not alludin’ just for the fun of it, you know. (Actually, I am.)

  128. Kirk Miller says:

    When the wallpaper’s love affair grew
    With a wall, it then said, “This is true:
    Though you have a big crack,
    I’m not taken aback.
    And I still have designs on you.”

    The wallpaper’s feelings weren’t new.
    After all that the two had been through,
    Deep in love it did fall,
    So it said to the wall,
    “I admit that I’m still stuck on you.”

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lovistotle the great foremost sage
    Said, “Fall for a man of old age
    His eyes will be weak
    But for you he’ll still seek
    And forever you won’t disengage”

  130. Tony Holmes says:

    And another thing I can’t condone,
    Teasing Portly. You leave him alone!
    With your three line-end tits –
    Poor ol’ Port’ will have fits!
    It’s no kindness to give him a bone.

  131. Tony Holmes says:

    For Suzanne – just in case that wasn’t clear.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:


    The Donald claimed, “Now there is hope
    Although some people call me a dope,
    Always give me much praise
    And remember my phrase
    “Let’s make all America grope”

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    Portly’s reading of Suzanne’s limerick – possibly. (Please file under observant)

    Portly Bard, seems to me that you’ve— ‘Cor! Tit!’
    Very few have been able to— ‘Spo Tit!’
    I’m impressed that you’ve— ‘Breast!’
    The ‘Line four in five’ test. (Oh, behave! That would be obsessive)
    If my love is your quest, then you’ve— “Go Tit!’

  134. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Poor Tony…

    How dare you so mock! You repel us!
    And why are you nasty? Please tell us!
    Your demeanor is brittle
    You’ll get no acquittal!
    I think you’re a little bit jealous!

    If I want to throw Portly a bone,
    Thats my business, so leave me alone!
    He’s not at all spiteful
    In fact, he’s delightful
    But you! You are frightful, you’ve shown.

    So make no bogus claims of true love.
    You’re a meanie when push comes to shove.
    Just quit digging a hole
    Like a desperate mole.
    You must show you’re a soul from above.

  135. Tony Holmes says:

    Dear Suzanne,

    In the spirit of fun, you’ve admaonished me once or twice – harsh was mentioned in one, but this time, given the content, I don’t dare respond until I know if I have, somehow – and quite unintentionally – or haven’t given offence. I would be deeply upset to know that I had, as, I believe, all our exchanges have been intended to amuse. How could it be otherwise?

  136. Tony Holmes says:

    A period of reflection has resulted in my thinking that i have possibly been a — and a —- to boot. (I leave you to fill in the blanks in your own inimitable style.) So,

    I have read in between every line;
    I’m in search of your meaning – some sign?
    I don’t mock or belittle;
    And I’m sturdy, not brittle,
    So, I don’t understand. Why malign?

    Who said ‘throw’? I wrote ‘give’; think again!
    Faced with tits at each turn, like a chain,
    Portly may, or may not,
    Find himself on the spot,
    But was bound to get HOT under strain.

    I’m with you, he’s delightful – a prince,
    And if you wish to dally … but since
    You hold me to the mark,
    You’ve no case when I bark;
    And no ‘plaint if my feelings evince.

    I’m not mean; I don’t push, dig or shove,
    And regarding my soul from above,
    Read the lines set below –
    Take your time – read them slow!
    Then decide, should I GO, or make love?

    When we love, we have passion, not lust,
    Which engenders respect and builds trust.
    Passion swells as love grows –
    For one reaps what one sows –
    And continues until we make dust.

  137. Tim James says:

    She’s in love, with her eyes full of stars;
    He’s obsessed with his beer and fast cars
    And the sports that he sees
    On his wide-screen TVs.
    That all fits, because men are from Mars.

  138. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    ‘Twas a marriage from Hell — beyond hope.
    She was hateful. Worse, he was a dope.
    With the clues all spelled out,
    why did nobody shout
    when Phil Anthropist wed Miss Ann Thrope?

  139. Suzanne Heymann says:

    No worries, Tony. And I take no offense to anything you posted, as I’m aware it’s all in fun. I find that people enjoy being entertained by soap opera type scenarios because they like to see the bickering and drama that goes on between couples. I’m just doling out the same, but I might put an unexpected twist in it at some point.

  140. Tony Holmes says:

    That’s a relief, Suze! Does that mean your next response is iminent? I hope so – and I accept your apology. LOL
    PS: I have one or two faults, but watching soap operas isn’t one of them. Probably why I didn’t twig. X
    PPS. Does B. A. have anything to say for herself? X

  141. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, well, if you’re going to go with the obivous, Sjaan …
    (Please imagine being ironic wink emoji)

  142. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Tony, I don’t understand. Say what?

  143. Wayne Feder says:

    “Move over,” we hear Donald gush.
    He wants his face carved on Mt. Rush.
    The thought that he’d hope
    They’d include such a dope
    Makes George and the other three blush.

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    I thought that your latest post was very clever, particularly the last line, but being me, I preferred the back-handed compliment. i.e. that it’s the complete opposite of obvious. (It’s a British thing, although, typically, the Greeks had a word for it. ‘antiphrasis’.) LOL X

  145. The Portly Bard says:


    To Suzanne and Tony —

    How endearing to hear such amends
    — loving truce as it were, between friends —
    but I hope no more prose
    will be used to compose
    all those knots you propose for loose ends.

  146. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi,Tony– Thanks for the clarification. I feared you might be telling me that the pun was so rotten that it needed an emoji to deodorize it. Sometimes I just WANT a certain rhyme to work, and, even if it doesn’t, I push it out the door anyway. Here’s the ‘thrope’ alternative I threw away:

    Angry Ann at the end of her rope,
    said of her fellow man, “He’s a dope!”
    On her deathbed she hissed,
    “Glad I’ve never been kissed.”
    She died smiling, did old Miss Ann Thrope.”

    No need to respond to this note. You may be too tempted to say that I should have thrown BOTH away.
    (Btw, I’ll be looking up ‘antiphrasis’ for future reference,
    but with the hope that it’s not Mad’s next rhyme word).

    From Mad: LOL! I had to look up antiphrasis myself.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Confession: So did I. I knew that there was a word – and that it described what I was doing – because I do peruse my, ‘Garden of Eloquence’, now and again; but I couldn’t remember its name.

    And as for commenting on your efforts, I shall be very surprised if you aren’t crowned for the one you did post, for which I obviously have the highest regard, hence my compliment, so no need to be quite so hard on yourself.

    In addition to everything else, you demonstrate admirably what can be achieved by revision once you’ve got the idea caged.

    And don’t worry about Mad using ‘antiphrasis’ for the next rhyme word – she probably can’t spell it.

    The thing that’s worrying me is Ye Portly Bard steaming in to inform me that what I did wasn’t antiphrastic at all, but something else equally Greek.

    Watch this space. LOL XX

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    PS Please file under ‘Trepidation’ or ‘Paranoia’. You choose.

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    PPS. Sjaan, never throw anything away! Once you’ve created it, give it time to grow. You just never k … Sorry, Suze, I couldn’t do it.

  150. Tony Holmes says:

    Love is gentle, forbearing and kind;
    When you’re naughty, it tends not to mind.
    It’s inclined to excuse
    Everyone – but not Suze!
    Blow on blow upon BRUISE – Love ain’t blind!

  151. Tony Holmes says:

    In that first flush, Love smiles at your quirks;
    Later on, still indulgent, it smirks;
    But the end is in sight
    When the quirks start to bite,
    As the dopamine no longer works.

  152. Tony Holmes says:

    To love in the ‘old-fashioned’ way
    One abandons finesse and foreplay.
    Get it over and done –
    No, of course it’s no fun!
    But it’s better than NONE, I would say.

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    “We’re in love! Don’t go countin’ the cost!
    I’ve a plan, luv, so all is not lost.
    I’ll put you on the game –
    Which, I grant, is a shame –
    Just for now, till our stars is uncrossed.”

  154. Tim James says:

    South Dakota may be beyond hope
    ‘Cause Her Honor the guv is a dope.
    Bikers shelter at home?
    That’s absurd, says Ms. Noem.
    They’ve a death wish? She’ll hand them the rope.

  155. Dave Johnson says:

    He got up and asked her to dance;
    The start of an epic romance.
    Years later, they still
    Get a musical thrill;
    That song keeps removing their pants.

  156. Dave Johnson says:

    Don’t tell me I act like a dope!
    I’m really just trying to cope
    With this pandemic stuff.
    So I’m calling its bluff.
    Unmasking that hoax is my hope.

  157. Dave Johnson says:

    Oops! Mad could you please change line 4 in my posting above to read:
    “So I’m calling its bluff;”

    Thanks, Dave


  158. Roger Haugen says:

    The young fiancee must whimper and mope
    Because her true love is a profligate dope;
    This was the right time,
    But he hasn’t a dime,
    And without any money they canteloupe.

  159. Tony Holmes says:

    I’m unloved and can no longer cope.
    As we’re not allowed guns, try a rope?
    Drink and drugs were no use;
    Now I’ve got no excuse;
    Goodbye world! Ouch! Wrong knot! Useless dope!

    It’s a bit dark, isn’t it? Can’t think where it came from. Must be your ‘soap opera’ influence reaching out, Suze. (LOL X)

  160. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Poor Tony…

    Am I the one causing you grief?
    Well then let’s make this quick, keep it brief
    Just jump off a tall
    Giant building, that’s all,
    With a parachute; fall like a leaf.

    You’ll be news, and your fame shall soon spread
    And the gals will line up at your bed
    Let them do an audition
    You’ll find what you’re wishin’
    Your suicide mission is dead!

    And if THAT won’t help get you your chick,
    A big billboard should then do the trick!
    Advertise! That is how!
    With no sweat on your brow
    And voila! You may now take your pick!

  161. Tony Holmes says:

    I respond – in brief!

    To make mock of a man in his woes
    Is the lowest of lowness, tha’ knows.
    I am Tarzan sans Jane –
    Go ahead – kick again!
    When one has fiends like you, who needs foes?

    Parachute? Ha, ha, ha, no ripcord?
    You’ll be telling me next, “Use your sword.
    Scars are sexy – get stabbed.
    Once sewn up, you’ll be grabbed
    By some female who’ll care ‘cause she’s bored.”

    Advertise! Are you putting me on?
    Do you think it will work? “Oui! C’est bon!”
    True, the cost might be high …
    “It’s no time to be shy!
    If it works, the conclusion’s foregone.”

    Polyamory could be the way.
    There’d be me and ten girls – way, hey, heey!
    “It’s quite legal, of course?”
    I’m just checking my source.
    If it ain’t, then I’m jumpin’ – okay!

  162. Daisy Ward says:

    The man thought his outfit was dope
    Circus clothes worn from a tight rope
    Laughter was all he heard
    Wished that he was a bird
    To fly away an not have to cope

  163. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Poor Tony…

    Now, don’t get your snot in a knot
    Good advice like mine cannot be bought.
    You know, sympathy’s faint
    A solution it aint
    So renounce your complaint (just a thought!)

    So what else did you want me to say?
    If I’d known you’d lash out in dismay,
    I’d have told you instead,
    “Oh dear Tony, don’t dread
    Love shall come to break bread if we pray!”


  164. Tony Holmes says:

    I respond – addendum.

    You’re quite right! It is written, ‘A wife
    Is a gift from the Lord.’ And for life!
    Cockneys, known for their quips,
    And for unloading ships,
    Call the lady their, ‘Trouble and strife.’

    I shall take this to heart, and we’ll see.
    Who’s to say, I might favour-ed be?
    And be sure, if I should,
    I’ll work hard and make good;
    But I’ll still fantasise about thee.

  165. Dave Johnson says:

    This blather is running amok;
    To “love’s” lost and found – take a walk!
    Mad’s site is for laughs,
    Not these lonely heart gaffes
    That really belong in a crock.

  166. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s a shame, Dave, you haven’t more wit.
    It might save you from writing such foolishness.
    Take a note: Love’s the theme
    So, this blathering stream
    Is on track, and compliant, you silly fellow!

    It’s a game played for fun and to hone
    Writing skills, so, please, leave us alone.
    If our efforts don’t please
    Just ignore. It’s a breeze.
    And if that doesn’t work, gnaw your bone.

  167. Tim James says:

    There once was a lover named Victor
    Who said to a gal as he licked ‘er:
    “I’ll know I’ve done right
    If your quake of delight
    Scores an eight on the measure called Richter.”

  168. Steve Frakt says:

    She was pretty and clever and bright
    And I wondered if I possibly might
    Have a chance of romance
    Or would she look askance?
    She said yes, and our love’s turned out quite right.

  169. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oh Tony…

    Oh Tony, I love how you roar!
    You’ve defended my honour, and more!
    Maybe Davey is sad
    Jealous too, I might add
    He just might not have had love before.

  170. Larz says:

    My wife bathes in bubbles of soap.
    She’ll soon be quite frisky I hope.
    I’m waiting in bed –
    She shakes me instead,
    “Oh, wake up! You’re dreaming you dope!”

  171. Tim Gray says:

    Sadly Trump cannot cope,
    As a result he’s having a mope.
    His problem’s with showers,
    “You have to be there for hours
    To get wet.” Gee, what a dope.

  172. Tim Gray says:

    There are none so blind as those will not see,
    Take the fat, whose problem is dietary.
    So how do you cope
    With folks who’re a dope?
    Do you tell them, or just let them be?

  173. Tim Gray says:

    What I don’t feel from you, is the Love
    That exudes from your God above.
    If demonstrates your Faith
    I’ll remain as a waif
    And for Heaven I’ll not grovel nor shove.

  174. Tim Gray says:

    What I thought was love was just lust;
    Not, “I’d like”, but “I must!”
    When I came down to earth
    And saw her true worth
    My “True Love” soon turned to dust.

  175. Tim Gray says:

    You may think you’ve got Faith in spades,
    But from you it’s Love that evades.
    I think you may find
    It’s Fear of some kind
    Shown by the Anger that through you pervades.

  176. Tim Gray says:

    You talk of Love, but it’s Lust,
    Burning hot, then turns to dust.
    If it’s not satisfied
    It’s defeated by Pride
    And is not a Love you can trust.

  177. Tim Gray says:

    He was the love of my life
    And I’d endure no trouble or strife…
    Damn! I didn’t see
    That he’d turn out to be
    Not wanting me for his wife.

  178. Tim Gray says:

    Kids, you may one day discover,
    What came between me and your mother.
    No matter I tried,
    My attempts were denied,
    As she’d flit from one love to another.

  179. Tim Gray says:

    Most Buddhist’s, Christian’s and Moslem’s aren’t
    Applying to love their chosen slant.
    Jew’s too, have missed the boat
    With their favourite, “God’s Chosen” quote,
    As to love one another, they can’t.

  180. Tim Gray says:

    We like to think we have made it
    Having fortune amassed and displayed it.
    Spurred, ‘twould appear
    By both greed and fear.
    Of compassion and love? Betrayed it!

  181. Tim Gray says:

    Though nails through my hands and my feet,
    You people I’d like to entreat,
    To love your foe
    As a friend that you know,
    And in love and in harmony greet.

  182. Tim Gray says:

    If you want to sing praise your Lord
    And sing to his son adored,
    Don’t sit in a room
    Singing hymns out of tune,
    Display your Love all abroad.

  183. Tim Gray says:

    My marriage is bound by frayed cord
    That unravels as points are scored
    From the twice daily spat
    Of vile tit-for-tat,
    There’s no hope that love be restored.

  184. Tim Gray says:

    All those songs of Love are not.
    To call it Love is simply rot.
    Lust and greed,
    Procreative need
    And by that need besot.

  185. Tim Gray says:

    True Love is not a burning flame,
    A unity in passion’s name.
    True Love is cool
    Not Nature’s fool,
    That’s just a mating game.

  186. Tony Holmes says:

    I must confess, Suzanne, that I woke this morning half expecting a note from Mad along the lines, “Now, now boys! Play nicely!” I had my response ready, of course. “Please, Miss, it were ‘im, Miss. He said ‘blather’.”

    Sad and lonely – and desperate – like me?
    If he is, I should much kinder be.
    I shall tender a cheek,
    As a sign that I’m meek;
    Better still, make a nice pot of tea! (The British answer to everything)

    You have honour!? Why wasn’t I told?
    I’m ashamed now, for being so bold.
    Half a mo’ – it’s a joke!
    I can’t laugh, I might choke;
    For a minute there, Suze, I was sold.

    I’ve just noticed, you said there was more.
    More of what, Suze? I need to keep score.
    I remain in the dark,
    So, the shift is in ‘Park’;
    I’m aflutter to know what’s in store.

  187. Tony Holmes says:

    Hey, B. A.! Sorry to be so slow responding. You must have sneaked it in when I wasn’t looking. LOL

    And for your information, B. A.
    Wookie playmates are great in the hay!
    True, their pillow talk sucks,
    But those cuddles – deluxe!
    And their love adds a certain cachet.

  188. Tony Holmes says:

    What ho, Portly! I’m sorry I’m late.
    And so glad that you’ve joined the debate.
    I’ve been meaning to ask –
    Please don’t take me to task –
    Do you nip from a flask while you wait?

    Dearest Portly, I trust you are well?
    In your absence, I’ve no way to tell.
    Do you need to divest?
    Get a load off your chest?
    Inundated with bosoms? That’s swell!

    I refrain from repeating the plea –
    You recall, line abreast, there were three?
    I shall take it amiss
    If you don’t share your bliss;
    It would be most remiss, believe me.

  189. Tony Holmes says:

    A Portly Entry …

    It was nice of Ol’ Port’ to drop in.
    He appears, like a friendly shaolin,
    Spreading wisdom abroad –
    That’s abroad, not a broad;
    Watch! Suzanne thought she’d scored – and herein.

  190. Tony Holmes says:

    The refrain of the average Joe.

    What is Love? Will I know if it hits?
    Will I tremble and faint, and have fits?
    Does it last very long?
    Will I burst into song?
    Oh, good grief! Will you look at those tits!

  191. Tony Holmes says:

    PS to my reply to Suzanne.

    And just keeping the record quite straight,
    I’m not getting much lovin’ of late.
    Not before and not since;
    Any less – these are hints –
    There’s a chance I might never reflate.

  192. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, P B, but it had to be done.

    Always nice when Old Portly wafts in.
    He appears, like a cuddly shaolin,
    Spreading wisdom abroad –
    That’s abroad, not a broad;
    Watch! Suzanne thought she’d scored – and herein.

  193. Tony Holmes says:

    Love – true love – is the product of time;
    It is nurtured and nourished. Sublime!
    Love can never be rushed;
    It’s too easily crushed,
    And, yes – sir – it costs more than a dime.

  194. Dave Johnson says:

    When Biden picked Kamala Harris,
    Their ticket said “none to compare us.”
    Now President Dope,
    At the end of his rope,
    Finds new ways to auto-embarrass.

  195. The Portly Bard says:


    In response:

    To Suzanne —

    Rest assured I’m sufficiently wise.
    I know writing when seen I should prize.
    I am simply amazed
    when it’s cleverly phrased
    as the humor is raised to my eyes.

    You so flatter a man of old age
    simply seeking to see if as sage
    he could render advice
    to engender the splice
    of two poets enticed to one page.

    Let me say I’m in awe of your style
    and the way it will draw me to smile
    as the message you send
    with the rhyme you extend
    is replayed in my craw by your guile.

    Repartee you display and abide,
    using rhyme you’ve so ably applied,
    puts you well on a roll
    so incredibly droll
    that I suffer the toll in my side.


    To Tony —

    Because gamely you tried my advice,
    giving sway to the line rhyming twice,
    dismissing aspersion…
    I’ll silence aversion…
    while I pray one more thought will suffice.

    Though you find by your wit women bare…
    any feeling you’ve lit with your flair…
    all your humor so glib
    merely tickles the rib —
    up your game just a bit…and you’re there!

  196. Tony Holmes says:

    I think this is best filed under ‘All’s fair in Love and Portly …’

    What a fool … how on earth …? I’ve been blind!
    You licentious old goat! You aren’t kind!
    Sucking up to my girl!
    You unscrupulous churl!
    Now the scales are removed, I’ll rewind.

    Oily, sneaky, malign and depraved!
    And to appetites nasty enslaved.
    Posing shyly as mage
    In the hopes you’d engage –
    It was having your way that you craved.

    All the while you were plotting your scam.
    Thought you’d use me for teasing my dam.
    Let me get her worked up,
    Then waltz in for the tup;
    Well there’s no loving cup, you old ram!

    In addition to all the above,
    You can’t count when a push comes to shove.
    Re your helpful advice,
    Look again! It rhymes thrice –
    As in trio and mice, my old love!

    Oh, that I could have been so deceived!
    It’s small wonder that I’m so aggrieved.
    Draw a line, that’s my plan;
    I’ll forgive – when I can.
    One must love fellow man – not be peeved.

    I feel better now that’s off my chest.
    Always bracing to give of one’s best.
    Have I tickled your rib?
    Do you still think me glib?
    I’ll resharpen my nib – if I’m pressed …

  197. Tony Holmes says:

    That was fun. Shall we do it again?
    Stimulation is good for the brain.
    As Joe said, “Pip, what larks!”
    Let’s let fly some more sparks!
    There’s still time, if you aren’t under strain?

  198. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last week, I thought, “Boy, what a dope”
    (I’m not using “a dope” as a trope)
    In the course of my skiing
    I was shocked I was seeing
    A sign that said, “Risks On This Slope”

  199. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hub” had become a real dope
    He was gentle, now won’t even grope!
    I just can’t survive
    I’ve left him cuz I’ve
    Tied a knot at the end of my rope

  200. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    While gathering rosebuds one day,
    a young maiden heard one fella say,
    “I’m getting the hunch
    it’s about time for lunch.
    So how ’bout a roll in the hay?”

  201. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At the White House one laundress, poor dope,
    pinned large undies (unwashed) on a rope.
    So beset by the quand’ry
    of Trump’s dirty laundry,
    she had used up four years worth of soap.

  202. Lisi Nortman says:

    The boss told me, “Please do not sweat it
    You’re hired there’s no need to fret it”
    He said, “You’re no dope”
    And he gave me some rope:
    (One whole minute to see if I get it)

  203. Daisy Ward says:

    Love hearts flowing in the air
    No one said that love was fair
    So many grabbing at hearts
    Touching their chest, making marks
    They’re chancing love like it was a dare

  204. Lisi Nortman says:

    Be honest, and then you’ll find love
    Never lie to your sweet turtle dove
    Thus, if you can fake it
    You surely will make it
    And be in like a hand to a glove

  205. Lisi Nortman says:

    Honesty: The Best Policy For True Love

    Be honest, and then you’ll find love
    Never lie to your sweet turtle dove
    Thus, if you can fake it
    You surely will make it
    And be in like a hand to a glove

  206. Lisi Nortman says:

    My lover-boy, wow! did he burrow
    You would think he’s erecting a furrow!
    He said, “Babe, I’m not lewd
    I’m the kind of a dude
    Who’s always real detailed and thorough”

  207. Lisi Nortman says:

    True love, to a major degree
    Is amnesia, and that is the key
    Cuz you can sure bet
    When in love, we forget
    There are 10 million fish in the sea

  208. Suzanne Heymann says:

    So dear Tony, although you allure,
    You are Shakespeare on steroids, for sure.
    All the others must say,
    “You two lovebirds, stay ‘way!”
    Don’t know HOW much more they can endure.

    We have already hijacked Mad’s page
    And I don’t want to stoke up her rage.
    I found it sublime
    To speak with you in rhyme
    But let’s limit our time on this stage.

  209. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When he said, “My love, let us elope!”
    She recoiled a bit, couldn’t cope.
    Very rich was that bloke
    But so ugly, she’d choke
    So she solved it by smoking some dope.

  210. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Why do gold-diggers use looks to buffer
    Their greed? They’re just making life tougher.
    Dont they want love that’s true?
    Are their hearts in the loo?
    I don’t sympatbize; do hope they suffer!

  211. Suzanne Heymann says:

    All she met was just jerk after jerk.
    She’s a magnet for losers – a quirk.
    I heard ‘law of attraction’
    Will bring satisfaction
    But takes constant action to work.

    Meditation’s supposed to help, too
    In finding a love that is true.
    She procrastinates much
    And does not have that touch
    Nor desire to clutch someone new.

  212. Dave Johnson says:

    Hi Mad – in my Biden/Harris posting above (yesterday 3:02 pm), could you please change the first word in line 2 from “His” to “Their” because after all, it IS their ticket!

    Thanks, Dave


  213. Suzanne Heymann says:

    We know Trump’s a destructive old dope
    He has given this country no hope.
    Though I poop like a pigeon
    On phony religion,
    I’d rather be led by the pope.

  214. Suzanne Heymann says:

    You’re about to go on a hot date
    You ate garlic – oh no! It’s too late
    To get rid of that breath
    Don’t let love meet its death –
    Just drink half of a bottle of Scope!

  215. Dave Johnson says:

    Getting lucky in love is a gift
    For the wondrous ways it can shift
    Souls formerly lost
    Into eyes that are crossed;
    While more than one heart gets a lift.

  216. Tony Holmes says:

    Is it better to love and to lose,
    Than never to have loved, dearest Suze?
    I suppose it might be;
    Time will tell; we shall see;
    If you must, you must flee – leave tissues!

    Is Mad, mad? That, indeed, would be sad.
    I had hoped that our games made Mad glad.
    It was not long ago
    That the entries, so low,
    Made it four in a row – that WAS bad!

    Advertisement! I’ve steroids for sale!
    They work best for the poet who’s male.
    I’ve now more than I need,
    Since my muse has agreed,
    I had best run to seed – she’s made bail.

  217. Tony Holmes says:

    To be loved is the ultimate high –
    I’m just stating my case. Don’t ask, ‘Why?’
    Ask the pop stars! They’ve said,
    “Love songs make lots of bread.”
    Though a few are now dead, they don’t lie.

  218. Tony Holmes says:

    I am tempted to shout, “Donald – Duck!”
    But in all prob’, he don’t give a fig
    That he’s number one dope.
    He’s the Pres’! He will cope.
    But he won’t be much longer – with luck.

  219. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, in the above, would you change ‘say’ to ‘shout’, please. Thank you!


  220. madkane says:

    Contest deadline today is 4 PM eastern. Please get your stragglers in.

  221. Dave Johnson says:

    That driver is way beyond hope;
    Tailgating a cop – what a dope!
    Now letting him pass;
    Will he step on the gas?
    Blue lights and a siren say “Nope.”

  222. Dave Johnson says:

    The music I love is the Blues;
    So many great artists to choose.
    There’s B.B. and Buddy,
    Then way back to Muddy;
    While Clapton keeps lighting the fuse.

  223. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 450. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Sight.