Mother’s Day Limerick Contest … With Money Prizes (Updated: Prize Money Increase)
My spring limerick contest was such a success, I’ve decided to hold limerick contests regularly. And it’s time for another one.
So here’s my challenge: Write a limerick related to the subject of mothers and post it here in a comment to this post no later than Saturday, May 12, 2007. I’ll announce the winners on Mother’s Day, May 13, 2007.
The first prize will be $25. The second prize will be $10. Both prizes will be paid via PayPal.
So, what exactly is a limerick? It’s a five line poem with an AABBA rhyme scheme and a very specific meter exemplified by these winning entries. (For more information about limericks check out these fine sites: Encyclospeedia Oedilfica and OEDILF.)
I’m looking forward to reading your entries!
UPDATE: The prize money has just doubled, thanks to a matching funds contest sponsorship by Billy Jones a/k/a Billy The Blogging Poet. Thanks to Billy’s generosity, there now will be $50 in first prize money and $20 in second prize money. Very cool, Billy!
UPDATE 2: This contest is now over, and the winners list and winning entries are posted here. Thanks for your wonderful entries, and stay tuned — another limerick contest is coming soon.
Tags: Limerick Contest, Moms Humor, Mother's Day Limericks, Mothering Day, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Parenting Humor, Writing Contests
There was a young mother from Prague
Who lived rather high on the hog
Of kids she had many
That’s why she’s not skinny
Her Prague-ress suggests she should jog.
Nine months carried in Mom’s sheltered womb;
Carried twenty years more, board and room.
She bears photos of each
Child who’s moved out of reach,
And she’ll carry her love to her tomb.
My mother knitted sweaters galore,
Instead of getting them from the store.
The wool, it was worsted;
The drop stitches cursed -
And the cats taking skeins to the floor.
A fitter once using a wrench
To fix, by some bolts, a loose bench
Asked, “Gimme another
Three-quarter-inch ‘mother’!”
(His first tongue was German, or French?).
German: Mutter = “mother”, but also: “(screw) nut”…
You like breakfast at home and with others, say,
And follow your sisters’ and brothers’ way?
Try to come and to stay –
Second Sunday in May–
With your mother, ’cause this is the Mothers’ Day!
There once was a mom from Poughkeepsie
with a penchant for getting quite tipsy.
She would not circumscribe
her martini imbibe,
but she’d say, “All I do is just sip, see?”
THE STEAMY NOVEL
That marvellous mother of mine
Thought my penchant for reading was fine.
She gave me a book.
Before letting me look,
Ripped out eighty through page eighty-nine!
(True story…*smile*)
Mother’s questions bring me lots of tension.
“What were you doing?” Things I can’t mention!
Guess it’s true what they say
About mothers today:
The necessity of all invention.
My mother, so gentle and kind
Who’s love is a genuine find
Though when patience was tested
Her hand quickly rested
On the fatty part of my behind
Mrs Beeton, whose excellent book
Taught Victorian England to cook,
Would have rather served nude
Than cook microwaved food.
Ma, we’re begging you, please, take a look!
Censoriously did she stare
At my skimpy red lace underwear.
I said, “Ma, this attire
Will set men on fire.”
But her scorn, like my ass, was laid bare.
My mother, she’s driving me crazy!
She’s obsessed that I’m useless and lazy.
What’s her beef? Goodness me,
I’m home always by three,
And by noon I’m as fresh as a daisy.
Give her candy or give her a card
To say, “Thanks, Mom, for working so hard”
Give her roses, a bunch
Even take her to lunch
When she’s done cleaning up the front yard.
There once was a man like no other
who had an ape for a surrogate mother
He loved to fling poo
and when asked, “Was that you?”
He’d say, “No, ma, that was my brother.”
Be Like Billy!
A mother’s worry is never quite done
Greater still if their child carries a gun
Dreads a telegram
Sorry’s from Sam
Till home, she prays she’s not lost one
Mom teaches us, while we all grow
She’ll say, “she loves you although”
“If You Don’t Know By Now”
“I’ve Lost You Somehow”
“And frankly, I don’t want to know”
Mother Bush lived a life of great fortune
T’was clear she nary skimped on her portion
But son George made a mess
Caused such global distress
Even the Pope would’a blessed that abortion!
A triple-play:
(Sweet)
As we lift up our glasses and cheer
For the mothers we all hold so dear,
I believe I can say
They need more than a day;
I propose we begin Mother’s Year!
——————————————-
(Sad)
For four or five decades you would have;
For four or five decades you could have.
But now that Mom’s passed,
You are seeing at last
That you showed her no love like you should have.
And shame on you for that…
——————————————-
(Goofy)
“I’m not happy this weekend,” said Brad.
“While my parents are gay, and I’m glad,
Mother’s Day is quite hard:
I can’t send out a card
Since neither one’s Mom; they’re both Dad.”
If I may, a quick revisal to an earlier submission:
My mother is driving me crazy!
She’s obsessed that I’m useless and lazy.
What’s her beef? Goodness me,
I get home before three
And by noon I’m as fresh as a daisy.
My mother was so loving to me
Den mother to all she would be
She worked very hard
Baked biscuits with lard
Read stories of elves and fairy
one more before the deadline -
Well knees up Mother Brown,
we kneesd up round the town-
my mum’s quite mad
but I’m her lad,
I couldn’t let her down.
or two -
Inventing the wheel was a feat
which caveman Nog figured was neat,
though he never forsaw
his mother-in-law
inventing the dreaded back seat.
Your mother is truly a dear,
But she’s getting too heavy I fear.
At the All You Can Eat
They said, “Don’t take a seat–
You can just load her up at the rear.”
We neglect Mother Earth, never learning
To cherish her, carelessly spurning
Her gifts, while she sighs,
Breathing grief to the skies;
Acid rain is her sorrow returning.
A mother cares not for your rank,
Or how much you have in the bank.
To her you’re the youngster
She reared and looked after,
And one day it’s her that you’ll thank.
There once was a wonderful mother,
who gave me a sister and brother,
though sometimes we fight,
it turns out all right,
’cause she is a mom like no other.
You are the best that I can see.
You are the woman I wan to be.
Thank you mum for your caring touch,
Which means to me so much.
Dear mom, you mean the world to me…
[...] The response to my Mother’s Day limerick contest exceeded my wildest hopes - 87 poems were submitted. Your delightful entries and enthusiasm has made this a fun experience for me and, I hope, for you. [...]
Thanks for all your wonderful entries! This contest is officially closed and the Mother’s Day Limerick Contest winners and their winning entries are here.
Please check back on this blog in mid-June, when I expect to announce a new limerick contest.
Here’s the limerick I put in my Mum’s card on Mothers’ Day:
Here are some words just to say
I love you on this Mothers’ Day
You’re Thoughtful and Sharing
And Loving and Caring
And supportive in every way
It made her cry
A hard-working mother named May
sadly regrets this Mother’s day
for without having sex,
by reasons complex,
another two are on their way,
A hard-working mother named May
she now regrets this Mother’s day
for without having sex,
by reasons complex,
another two are on their way
hey madeleine, thanks for the fun. a word of caution: one of the following three limericks contains a direct reference to “Peshtigo pigeon pate”
A hard-working mother named May
Drove home in her old Chevrolet
The windows were frosted
And though May was exhausted
She felt pretty good anyway
A hard-working mother named May
Wrote this to her friend in Calais
“My kids drive me nuts
My husband’s a putz
Could I visit you for a day?”
A hard-working mother named May
Arranged her hors d’oeuvres on a tray:
Haggis with rice
Mothballs on ice
And Peshtigo pigeon pate
a boy stood on a burning deck
a pocket full crackers
the mouse ran up
Trousers and bit away his
KNACKERS!