Bright Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who wasn’t too bright…*

or

A fellow who wasn’t too bright…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Bright Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met a fellow who wasn’t quite “right.”
They wed, had a kid—
High IQ — off the grid.
Please don’t ask “Who’s the dad?”— Impolite!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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97 Responses to “Bright Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Peter Ledingham says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Electorally leaned to the right
    And to be sure they’d find her
    She put herself in a binder
    But the election result was a fright

  2. Veralynne says:

    Corrected:
    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Went out in the rain with a kite
    His wet clothes, wasted time
    Surely won’t earn a dime
    But having discovered electricity might.

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    could sure get a laugh all right
    Her logic was spacey
    We all called her Gracie
    And George told her “Just say goodnight.”

  4. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Liked to drink at the bar and pick fights
    But his throwing of fists
    Got the wrong man quite pissed
    And left him wond’ring who turned out the lights

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Thought she found a man who was just right
    He whispered “Ooh, baby!”
    She replied “Call me, maybe?”
    She never saw him after that night

  5. A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Thought babies were fashioned at night.
    She thought sex in the day
    Kept the stork at bay;
    And, for a couple of months, she was right.

  6. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Ate an apple to learn wrong from right
    That his girlfriend had picked
    But the fellow was tricked
    And got kicked out of Eden that night

  7. Chris Papa says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Had casual sex when he might,
    But now has detected,
    With crabs he’s infected,
    And scratches wherever they bite.

  8. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Sought pleasures while high as a kite.
    He’d bring home these beasts,
    And enjoy wicked feasts,
    Then awake with sheer fear of the sight.

  9. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow who was’nt too bright
    Bonked a hooker he thought was alright
    But alas and alack
    His willie turned black
    And his scarlet balls looked such a fright.

  10. A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Read a sex book by Ms. Shere Hite
    It started with kissing
    But the last half was missing…
    There was nothing but foreplay all night…

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Checked to see why a bulb wouldn’t light
    Stuck his finger in the socket
    Learned nothing could block it.
    He’s now known as poor Rudolph. What a sight

  12. John Sardo says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Took a fellow to bed one night
    She gave him her charms
    And heard the alarms
    But he skipped out of sight and left her contrite.

  13. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright,
    Decided to take a flight.
    She packed here gear,
    And with a shake of her rear,
    She sure flew a kite

  14. Craig says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    When asked by twin guys if she might
    Take them both for a spin
    Replied “Sex is a sin!”
    They convinced her two dongs make a right.

  15. Craig says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
    Take them both for a spin
    She said “Sex is a sin!”
    They convinced her two Wongs make a right.

  16. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    tried hard with all of his might
    to woo a large lass
    who showed him her ass
    and the poor fellow just died of fright.

    (with apologies all around)

  17. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    wrote a verse some thought impolite
    With apologies around
    bad vibes still abound
    It’s the couch that I’ll be on tonight

  18. RJ Clarken says:

    (Sorry I haven’t been around a lot recently, but with school, kids, holidays and everything else, I have been really strapped for time.)

    Anyway…

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    didn’t stop at a red traffic light.
    See, she outraced a cop
    for ten miles, nonstop,
    ‘cause she thought at high speed she’d take flight.

  19. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    thought that Shakespeare – somehow – he’d rewrite:
    “To thine own self be true
    if Mac’s Beth is a shrew!”
    His audiences exeunt stage right.

  20. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    held a bomb which he planned to ignite.
    But what happened to him
    and his dimwitted whim
    was he forgot the matches to light.

  21. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Lit a candle to give him some light
    For without electricity
    He had thought it felicity.
    The poor fellow, on fire, took flight.

  22. A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Was determined, a lim’rick to write
    But he’s “frozen boot numb”
    “Half a bubble off plumb”
    So he couldn’t, try hard as he might

  23. Craig says:

    Also with apologies to all:

    Dear Jesse – you’re not very bright:
    For your words may just come back to bite.
    Johanna don’t miss none
    And (trust me on this one)
    You’ll find yourself deep in the shite.

  24. Kirk Miller says:

    Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
    They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
    They’re depressed, and why not?
    In despair they are caught,
    Because always the end is in sight.

  25. Luke Prater says:

    Just thought I’d give you this one, you may heard it before – it’s the only academese/intellectual Limerick I’ve ever heard. Told (repeatedly) by my late grandfather who was a Doctor of Lit from Oxford University and wrote biographies of German Literary figures.

    A tiger with tastes anthropophagus,
    felt a yearning inside his oesophagus.
    When he spied a fat Brahmin,
    he said, “There’s no harm in
    a peripatetic sarcophagus”.

  26. Edmund Weisberg says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Plus a little short on height,
    Extended his hand,
    To his boss’s gland,
    And began shaking until he saw white.

  27. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Sought anyone who wanted to fight
    He thought he was tough
    Until someone called his bluff
    A spouse now causes him fright!

    .

  28. Lynn Wynen-Chamberlain says:

    A kitten who wasn’t too bright
    Would meow throughout the night
    His master told her to scoot
    With his foot gave her the boot.
    By the window now howls in a fight.

  29. Hoot Gibson says:

    A gal neither sober or bright
    Found her cigarette needed a light.
    She felt any old fire
    Would complete her desire.
    Oh My! How she lit up the night.

  30. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow who was not very bright
    For a bet went and swallowed cordite
    This internal corruption
    Caused an arsole eruption
    And his balls were blown out of sight.

  31. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Thought his wife was pure and upright.
    But the cute, young hussy
    With morals unfussy
    Made love to five men every night.

  32. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Sat and stared at FOX News each night.
    He watched O’Reilly,
    Always entirely,
    And quoted the blithering blight.

  33. Green Speck says:

    A rich guy who wasn’t too bright
    Married a gal he thought was right.
    But then one day
    While he was away,
    She stole his belongings, and ran out of sight.

  34. scott says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright,
    would only orgasm at night.
    ‘Cuz once she had read,
    that you have to be dead,
    before you can come to the light.

  35. scott says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    was talking while sleeping last night,
    ‘til his wife yelled “You Cad!
    Who the hell is Miss Mad?
    And why must your meter feel right?”

  36. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
    Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
    And he answered with pride,
    “K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”

  37. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A fellow who isn’t too bright
    Hires a butler who isn’t top flight.
    Lifting wine on his left,
    Of a clue he’s bereft,
    As he toasts, “To my being served right!”

  38. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow who was’nt too bright
    Had sex with his Mum’s Bobwhite
    His assault on this Quail
    Caused it’s flavour to fail
    Till it tasted like Lepidolite

  39. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Howled at the moon every night.
    The coyote drug him away
    His wife left town the next day.
    Now he’s a happy but pitiful site.

  40. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Leaped off a cliff with a kite.
    He fell in a river,
    Which caused him to shiver,
    Saying “n n next t time I must need m m more height”.

  41. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow who was’nt too bright
    Spends most of his time getting tight
    Has the brains of a rabbit
    And as well a bad habit
    Making love to an old sodomite

  42. Tim O'N. says:

    ‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
    That’s the view that you have of me, right?
    Well, you’d best think again
    When you see that Mad Kane
    Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.

  43. A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Refuelled while striking a light.
    There were parts of him cast
    Over an area vast
    And his balls were blown out of sight.

  44. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young faggot who was’nt too bright
    Had a dong that bent to the right
    To get it right in
    Was a trauma for him
    Not to mention his bum buddy’s fright

  45. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A sheepshagger who was’nt too bright
    Took his “Baaabara” to a cliff edge one night
    For this halfwitted Queerys’
    Brain had the theory
    That she might back up harder in fright.

  46. JulesPaige says:

    Bear with me…

    A Fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Tried to use the loo without a light
    To the outhouse he went
    The moon barely a cresent
    And never came in, from the night

    JP/davh

  47. Steve Yagyagan (Boysan Faletusi) says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Tried to convince us with all his might,
    As our prez, we’d ascent,
    Then, dissed forty-seven percent,
    With his spite, he’s now outasite!

  48. brian miller says:

    a man who wasnt so bright
    you could tell by his dim light
    pull his chain
    and watch it drain
    the lightbulb all grey with blight

  49. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A labourer who was’nt too bright
    Swallowed some nails on site
    Which played hell with his arse
    And when one he did pass
    His screams could be heard through the night

  50. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow who was’nt too bright
    Had a recurring erection each night
    As he did’nt aspire
    To sexual desire
    He just used it for flying his kite.

  51. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Up top she was’nt too bright
    But her musical flair was alright
    She could use her clitoris
    To churn out the chorus
    Of Christmas Hymn “Silent Night”

  52. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman who was’nt too bright
    A Fertility Pill took one night
    In 9 months and a day
    She had triplets they say
    A Mite, a Sprite and a Fright.

  53. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Her suitor, who wasn’t too bright,
    Took no hint when she didn’t requite.
    So she tried to be candid,
    But he only demanded:
    “How long till the swine will take flight?”

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Went out to a party one night
    But how could he guess
    It was not fancy dress
    And his Adam suit just wasn’t right?

  55. kkkkaty says:

    A donkey who wasn’t too bright
    gave a ride to a cockatoo white
    They conversed in Espanol
    sang in tenor and alto
    fell in love by evening candlelight

  56. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A woman who was’nt too bright
    Would piddle 4 streams every night
    She saw a physician
    About her condition
    Now the fly buttons’ gone she’s alright

  57. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young gay who was’nt too bright
    Said, “Marriage is right out of sight
    I would rather instead
    spend the time in my bed
    with the backsides of Tom, Dick and Dwight.”

  58. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman who was’nt too bright
    And whose twat was bent to the right
    Lived in fear and dread
    That she’d wind up dead
    If a left angled cock came in sight

  59. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A naive young Hooker, not bright
    Had a learning ability slight
    At her first job of head
    To the client she said,
    “Do I suck or blow, which is right?”

  60. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Kept confusing the left with the right
    And decried the extent
    47%
    Had worsened the 1%’s plight.

  61. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Went to France on a transocean flight.
    When the host introduced
    M. Jacques Toulouse,
    He corrected: “My jock is too tight.”

  62. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow maliciously bright
    Found a new way to act on his spite.
    He was simply an ass
    Till his wife wanted sass;
    Then he smilingly switched to polite.

  63. Johanna Richmond says:

    Craig and Jesse, for those who are bright,
    Ass measurements fail to excite,
    Cuz we know that the main
    Sex organ’s the brain,
    But I’m glad lower life forms have sight.

  64. Tim James says:

    A woman who isn’t too bright
    Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
    There’s a lyrical thing
    About thoughts taking wing.
    With Snooki, they canceled that flight.

  65. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old fellow not now very bright
    Thought of sex from the day he could bite
    But old age sad to say
    Whittled all that away
    Till his sex drive was not worth a shite

  66. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old Aussie that was’nt too bright
    Sniffed coke by day and by night
    Till the day came he died
    And Crematorium fried
    The smoke put the mourners in flight.

  67. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young fellow was’nt feeling too bright
    After zipper had caused him a fright
    With that bloody great shock
    To the head of his cock
    No way he’ll be shagging tonight

  68. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young fellow who was’nt too bright
    Was kissing his girl goodnight
    When her panty elastic
    Snapped and went spastic
    Now his left eye is black as the night.

  69. Dr. Goose says:

    A banker who wasn’t too bright
    Foreclosed ev’ry mortgage in sight,
    And the vacant abodes
    Invited in loads
    Of squatters, and neighborhood blight.

  70. Dr. Goose says:

    An investor who wasn’t too bright
    Decided that it was alright
    For 401k’s
    To chase the next craze
    & buy not at the trough, but the height.

  71. Dr. Goose says:

    Some pollsters who weren’t very bright
    Bought into the spin of the Right,
    And all of those guys
    Got quite a surprise
    On Election Day, late in the night.

  72. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A toothless old hooker not bright
    Reached the stage of not caring her plight
    She’d declare without shame
    All cocks are the same
    Whether Polish, Chinese or Shiite.

  73. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old whore who was’nt too bright
    Thought her knickers had some kind of blight
    But on closer inspection
    She found on reflection
    It was forgotten and rotten old shite.

  74. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old woman who was’nt too bright
    And whose joints were full of calcite
    To a rapist said, “Ducky
    you sure are unlucky,
    for my legs won’t open tonight”

  75. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An Alaskan who was’nt too bright
    Had the heaviest prick in Klondike
    They figured it’s immensity
    Times squared with it’s density
    Was the key to it’s weight and it’s might.

  76. daisy mae says:

    Poor Angus did not seem too bright
    When ‘Two and a Half Men’ he did spite
    This high-paid child actor
    Is now a detractor
    Yet paychecks make everything right.

  77. daisy mae says:

    A light bulb that wasn’t too bright
    Needed changing to light the dark night
    How many men needed
    Responded when heeded?
    None. Men can’t change- that’s their plight.

    So the light bulb remained dark, not bright
    Still needing a change to make light
    How many teens asked
    Arose for the task?
    None, though I nagged a fortnight!

    The dim light bulb burned none too bright
    A new one would cast much more light
    So now who would do it?
    I finally said ‘screw it’
    and did it myself just last night.

  78. Sabio Lantz says:

    Once a limerick walked into a bar
    Where conversations never goes far
    The gal to his right
    wasn’t quite right
    having left her kid out in her car

  79. fiddlerwalsh says:

    Patience says;

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Used a scouring pad in the night,
    She scoured and she scrubbed
    her whole scullcap she rubbed,
    Not a single grey hair left in sight.

    and the Prodigal:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Wrote Limericks far from polite,
    He then tried his entry,
    Didn’t get past the sentry
    He wont even come second tonight.

  80. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A longprong who was’nt too bright
    Propositioned a Hooker one night
    She agreed to coition
    But on the condition
    His insertion was ever so slight

  81. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Paraplegic not usually bright
    Round whose dick was a blowfly in flight
    Gave his Nurse a loud call,
    “Quick, tickle my ball,
    and I’ll plaster the prick to the light”

  82. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Two Paddys who were’nt very bright
    Watched a dog lick it’s balls one night
    Pat said to Nat,
    “Wish I could do that”
    And Nat said, “Don’t try, he might bite”

  83. Beth Parsons says:

    A woman who wasn’t too bright
    Said her red state would surely vote ‘right’
    When she picked up the papers
    She swooned from the vapors
    Her state had turned blue overnight.

  84. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A terrorist who was’nt too bright
    Gave his body the treatment one night
    The hidden live rocket
    That went off in his pocket
    Blew the family jewels out of sight.

  85. Tim O'N. says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Drew ‘pictures’ – blank sheets. just pure white.
    Asked ‘What’s that?’ or ‘Why?’,
    His standard reply
    Was ‘An aircraft that’s just out of sight.’

  86. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    The Pope was’nt feeling too bright
    Whilst taking his bath one night
    Had his soul full of hope
    But a hole full of soap
    Only left him feeling like shite

  87. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    He was naive and not very bright
    And of sex knew not what he might
    Until one day a chick
    Fondled his dick
    And he suddenly saw starlight.

  88. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright
    Recollected the girl fast as light.
    He departed one day,
    But his relatives say
    That his brain cells had failed to ignite.

    So instead of the previous night
    (The result from our lady named Bright),
    He went missing for years
    Downing Cheetos and beers –
    What was left of his mind then took flight.

    [For those who don't know it (NO, this is NOT part of my submission, neither is it eligible for votes) it's my reference, one of the all-time classics of the genre:

    There was a young lady named Bright,
    Whose speed was far faster than light;
    She started one day
    In a relative way,
    And returned on the previous night.
    -- A. H. Reginald Buller in "Punch" (Dec. 19, 1923)]

  89. Bob Dvorak says:

    That fellow, not overly bright,
    Who, when faced with an ass, died of fright?
    It’s good he’d not seen
    My Nativity scene
    Or he’d never have met her that night.

  90. A vicar who wasn’t too bright
    Said, “Our next hymn is ‘All Through the Day’ ”
    This ‘clerical’ error
    Could not be unfairer
    Coz my Limerick now doesn’t sound right. :(

  91. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young fellow who was’nt too bright
    Was born with a dick very slight
    On a cold winters day
    It would shrink right away
    Until resembling a miniscule mite.

  92. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow who was’nt too bright
    Tugged at his tool day and night
    Till the size of his dong
    Grew so thick and strong
    That the hookers who saw it took fright

  93. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    World affairs are not looking too bright
    With bad news reported each night
    Now worlds’ end is the rumour
    So let’s keep our humour
    And hope that the Mayans ain’t right.

  94. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    This is not intended as an entry but just an early Christmas Greeting to all:
    To Mad Kane and her followers bright
    Who enter their Limericks each night
    Now the season is nigh
    My mate Radnoft and I
    Wish all of you Christmas Delight.

  95. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
    Used a hooker who was “Out-of-sight!”
    But with glasses not on,
    He was easy to con.
    Soon his wallet and trollop took flight.

  96. Carolyn Henly says:

    A prom queen was not very bright;
    When told that she looked quite a fright,
    She abandoned her post
    And dressed up like a ghost,
    For she thought it was Halloween night.

  97. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 90.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Urbane Limerick.