Urbane Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was rather urbane…*

or

A gal who was rather urbane…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Urbane Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was rather urbane
Mocked pop culture as trite and inane.
He did it in song —
Twas a hit before long.
His disdainful refrain now makes rain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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72 Responses to “Urbane Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Craig says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Wrote lim’ricks, but it was a pain.
    His lims were the worst
    But at least he was first
    And for that we can break out champagne.

  2. Bob Dvorak says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Thought his lim’ricks did better in Spain.
    But sea air wouldn’t do,
    So to Paris he flew.
    In the end they just found him… in Seine.

  3. An Irishman, not so urbane,
    To get his Lim up first did strain
    But tho’ fame briefly beckoned
    It appeared only second :(
    P’raps a Guinness may help ease his pain? ;)

  4. OR, more correctly I see …

    An Irishman, not so urbane,
    To get his Lim up first did strain
    But tho’ fame briefly beckoned
    He didn’t even make second :( :(
    P’raps a Guinness may help ease his pain? ;)

  5. A man who was rather urbane
    Wooed women with charm and champagne
    They were all so impressed
    That they quickly undressed
    And none were heard to complain.

  6. A man who was rather urbane
    Strong emotion, he never would deign
    And he felt like a hick
    To be in this lim’rick
    But was far too genteel to complain

  7. Hoot Gibson says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Wrote limericks that were purely profane.
    From filth up to crudeness
    And sex up to prudness
    No two were ever the same.

  8. Green Speck says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Fell in love with Ms Plain Jane.
    Opposites attract
    Quite true, in fact
    They proved the saying all over again.

  9. John Sardo says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Was driven to levels insane.
    His Ferragamo’s he scuffed
    And they couldn’t be buffed
    To Italy he flew on a private jet plane.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was rather urbane
    Met a man on a private jet plane
    Said “my place or yours”
    For delightful amours
    But scuffed Ferragamos caused her passion to wane.

  11. Chris Papa says:

    A man who was rather urbane,
    Would drive his poor girl friend insane,
    Their sex wouldn’t last,
    He finished too fast,
    She now prowls the lesbo domain.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    At da Vinci he’d finally deplane.
    He went to a store
    Threw scuffed shoes on the floor
    A new pair set his gal’s heart aflame.

    A man who was rather urbane
    Bought a bottle of costly champagne.
    On the very top floor
    He knocked on the door
    Of the suite of love lost to reclaim.
    .
    A gal who was rather urbane
    Imbibed of the costly champagne
    When her senses she lost
    Good behavior she tossed
    And became so profane, drove her lover insane

  13. Pat Hatt says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Made is wife pop a vein
    For each day
    He’d go the wrong way
    And board the opposite train

  14. brian miller says:

    a man who was rather urbane
    slowly slipped mentally insane
    he lost his way
    each and every day
    connections reversed in his brain

  15. Beth Parsons says:

    A woman who was rather urbane
    Lost her wedding ring down the sink drain
    She called up her plumber, but
    She should have kept her mouth shut
    “The trap with the gold is his domain”

  16. Mark Kane says:

    A baker all thought was urbane,
    Baked bagels both seeded and plain.
    But after one bite,
    So fluffy and light,
    We wondered, was he from Lorraine?

    *** BASED ON A TRUE STORY:

    In the late eighties, Madeleine and I had occasion to stay at the
    “Le Boston Meriden Hotel(now The Langham)” for five weeks,
    and had gotten to know the staff quite well.

    One Sunday Morning, the french chef, knowing we were real “New Yorkers”,
    announced quite excitedly that he had a special treat for us.

    He had just baked “Bagels” for the very first time and wanted our honest
    opinion of them.

    When he brought us a bowl of his new creation we were as excited
    as he was.

    They were a sight to behold. The very image of perfect “Bagels”.

    He had arranged them so artfully, the egg, leaning against the pumpernickel,
    the plain, sandwiched between the poppy and sesame.

    And he waited, with bated breath, the head french chef of this respected institution
    as we took our first bite.

    And they smelled devine (In fact, a little too good for a bagel).

    That was our first clue, something was amiss.

    They smelled too damn good, like Croissants or Danish.

    But then our first bite confirmed our worst fears.

    These were good! Very good!

    Delicious in fact, but NOT BAGELS!

    We told him as gently as we could where he had failed.

    A “Bagel” needs to be solid, and chewy, and a bit heavy, after
    having it’s dough boiled a bit before baking.

    These were feathery light!

    I don’t think he ever attempted “Bagels” again.

  17. Kathy El-Assal says:

    A guy who was rather urbane
    Sniffed a line of the purest cocaine.
    He felt so delighted
    While acting be(k)nighted
    He started to reign on the plane.

  18. Hansi says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Had a limp, and walked with a cane
    Said, “tis not a factor
    I went to a chiropractor
    And now I’m on top of my game.”

  19. Craig says:

    My accountant is smart and urbane.
    He knows tricks that can hide any gain.
    His skills are so clear
    That he’s known around here
    As the Master of Ledger-demain.

  20. scott says:

    A man who was rather urbane,
    wondered how he got a stain,
    on his favorite bed spread,
    then his manservant said,
    “Robin did that, Mr. Wayne.”

  21. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A rancher who’s very urbane
    Gives his cattle a sip of champaign
    From a glass, not a trough,
    Before sending them off
    To the slaughter by passenger train.

  22. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    attempted to speak like John Wayne
    His wife, name of Mavis
    said, “That’s Bette Davis!”
    His impressions caused her some pain

  23. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Found a lady whose talk was profane,
    And found the solution
    To her elocution
    Was rain on the plain down in Spain.

  24. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Rode from Russia with Love on a train.
    As you’ve probably heard,
    He was shaken, not stirred
    In Never Say Never Again.

  25. Dr. Goose says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Could scarcely control his disdain
    For wine-swilling English
    Who couldn’t distinguish
    Spumante from Sekt or Champagne.

  26. Dr. Goose says:

    A blogger was rather urbane,
    As resignedly he would explain
    To the dull and the dim,
    Less enlightened than him,
    The ways of the world, once again.

  27. Craig says:

    She thought the guy looked quite urbane
    Chiseled features and long flowing mane.
    But her hopes all went south
    When he opened his mouth
    And he grunted “Me Tarzan, you Jane.”

  28. Craig says:

    A lim writer, rather urbane,
    Wins this contest again and again.
    The secret to this
    Is to know how to kiss
    The behind of one Madeleine Kane.

  29. A gal who was rather urbane
    From coarse language. was taught to refrain
    So she wouldn’t say f#$k
    but with modicum l#$k
    She would do it again and again

  30. Kathy El-Assal says:

    There once was a poet urbane
    And Queens was her royal domain.
    In limericks numerous,
    Her rhymes oh-so-humorous
    Provoked like a poke from a cane.

  31. Kathy El-Assal says:

    There once was an artist urbane,
    Avant-guard in the past, now mundane.
    To reignite interest,
    He posted on Pinterest
    A shock-value, cock weathervane.

  32. Luke Prater says:

    A dude who was wicked urbane
    dropped his drawers & went to find Jane

    …ok that’s enough. Smut. hehe. I don’t claim to be a great Limericker. But I have a challenge for you, Mad, concerning writing a story in six words… in the footsteps of teh great Hemingway… love your SOH

    Luke xx

  33. RJ Clarken says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    would oft stroll with an antique sword-cane.
    Once, a mugger attacked
    so this man did react
    with a jab in a similar vein.

  34. RJ Clarken says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    but had talents of legerdemain
    was so debonair
    he’d pick pockets with flair
    while sipping on Heidsieck champagne.

  35. RJ Clarken says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    (and secretly, rather profane,)
    would swear with panache
    at high tea or at squash
    since he elegantly couldn’t abstain.

  36. Rich D says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    boarded a train they named Blaine
    In this Stephen King scene
    he sang “5:15″
    going out of his brain on a train!

  37. Rich D says:

    An ape man who acted urbane
    was driving himself half insane
    He thought “what the hell”
    and did his famed yell
    but nowhere could he find his Jane!

  38. Bill Klein says:

    A gal who was rather urbane
    Picked the wrong line of work, it is plain
    With her stylish ‘do’s
    And her tasteful flat shoes
    Without mini and heels, men weren’t payin’

  39. Bill Klein says:

    A man who was rather urbane,
    Impeccably coiffed, and quite vain
    Loved his well-moneyed mentors
    Loathed 47 percenters
    And watched his White House hopes spin down the drain

  40. Al Hood says:

    There once was a man so urbane
    That his hubris was really a pain
    But one day when he farted
    The hauteur departed
    Now he’s treated with utmost disdain

  41. Claudia says:

    a gal who was rather urbane
    had a dog that was quite insane
    about running around
    on green grass and ground
    & when they moved (to the countryside) he was fire & flame

  42. Mark Kane says:

    A man who was rather urbane,
    Seducing each gal with Champagne.
    While drunk they’d indulge,
    His randy hard bulge,
    But sober they’d always abstain.

  43. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A man who was rather urbane,
    Fell flat on his nose in the rain.
    He said ‘Well, I’m dashed!
    These trousers are splashed!
    I don’t think I’ll wear them again!’

  44. Granny Smith says:

    My dog who is rather urbane
    Thinks trips to the woods are a pain,
    Just tree trunks and bugs
    with NO hydrant plugs.
    He lifts up his leg in disdain.

  45. Dr. Goose says:

    A king who was rather urbane
    Decreed that, throughout his domain,
    The marching brigades
    Must practice their trades
    If they want to parade on his reign.

  46. Diane Groothuis says:

    A driver is very urbane
    With a girl in the second chicane
    But the look on her face
    Shows he’s not in the race
    Ans his efforts are not worth the pain.

  47. Dr. Goose says:

    A professor, so very urbane,
    To his students would always explain
    Advanced economics
    By means of Ebonics:
    “What up Keynes, you know what I’m sayin’?”

  48. Dr. Goose says:

    A seducer was not so urbane
    With a wench who was painfully plain:
    (“Though the urgency’s now,
    I’ll soon disavow
    This gal, whom to conquer I deign.”)

  49. Sabio Lantz says:

    A quick limerick since you linked d’Verse Poets to this post:

    A poet was once though very urbane
    On poetry sites she never complained
    Alway feigning to understand
    Poems vague, rambling or bland
    Resulting in the atrophy of her brain

  50. JulesPaige says:

    Not all folks with haute couture are inhumane…but,

    The couple was rather urbane
    Would drown if they went out in the rain
    The gal and the fella
    Wouldn’t hold their own umbrella
    Their noses held high with false strain!

  51. Manicddaily says:

    A gal who was very urbane
    insisted on clothes that were plain.
    She wore nary a ruffle
    and raised a kerfuffle
    when Chanel showed a dress with a train.

    Hi Mad! Thanks for your kind words! k.

  52. Sara V says:

    A gal thought she was urbane
    While wearing a frock, Jenni Kayne
    But she was outdone
    By a Louis Vuitton
    So she booked the next Air France plane

  53. Tom Harris says:

    The man who was rather urbane
    Fled to the capital of Spain.
    And the reason he hid
    Over there in Madrid:
    Shoddy fiscal legerdemain.

  54. Tom Harris says:

    Malinda is hardly urbane,
    In fact, she’s homely and plain.
    Her mouth is atrocious,
    She has halitosis.
    But none of that matters to Duane.

  55. Carolyn Henly says:

    Homage:

    A pris’ner unu’shly urbane
    (Of the life of the warden the bane):
    He git by his wit
    Down a river of shit:
    On to freedom sailed Andy Dufresne.

  56. Tim James says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Took his girl to Paree, but in vain.
    He proposed; she declined
    And he flat lost his mind.
    Now he’s jumped off a bridge. He’s inSeine!

  57. Granny Smith says:

    A man who was very urbane
    Was seldom seen minus his cane.
    Oh, should I have said,
    “Think Ginger and Fred”?
    I’m dancing down Memory Lane!

  58. Rich D says:

    And old fart who none thought urbane
    enjoyed whacking shins with his cane.
    The knees and the feet
    weren’t such a treat
    but shin whacks caused cool shrieks of pain!

  59. Rich D says:

    While thinking himself most urbane
    Joe watched the moon wax and wane
    He said to dear Janet,
    “That there ain’t no planet.
    but cross-eyed I can see its’ twain!”

  60. Tim James says:

    A publisher, not too urbane,
    Desired a war against Spain.
    This journalist yellow
    Proceeded to bellow,
    “Let’s get ‘em! Remember the Maine!”

    This guy, the reverse of urbane,
    Was aimed at political gain.
    And there he was heading
    But he hit some rough sledding
    When Welles released “Citizen Kane.”

  61. Daisy Mae says:

    He was never described as urbane
    He was grunge- and fans didn’t complain
    His life was pure trauma
    But he made Nirvana
    ‘til suicide killed Kurt Cobain

    A man who was rather urbane
    And had style with words he preferred plain
    Wrote Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn
    His great quotes make us grin
    Sam preferred to be known as Mark Twain

    Cary Grant was a star quite urbane
    On the screen he drove women insane
    His absolute best?
    Hitchcock’s North by Northwest
    Sat on faces– such thrilling terrain!

    A tense woman appeared quite urbane
    In her seat towards the back of the plane
    ‘Til the engines did grind
    (She did, too- to unwind)
    And re-joined the Mile High Club again

  62. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man who was hardly urbane,
    With a boner he couldn’t maintain,
    Warned, “Stay calm, when we screw,
    If you hear ‘chugga choo;
    Open up for the big choo choo train.’”

  63. Kirk Miller says:

    A man who is rather urbane
    Is balding and wants to attain
    More hair on his head.
    A sculler friend said
    The elegant method: Row-gain.

  64. Mike Moulton says:

    A man whose tastes weren’t urbane,
    Eschewed meals he thought were too plain.
    “All food that’s been canned,
    I think should be banned,
    except maybe not Chicken Chow Mein.”

  65. Gordon says:

    A gal who was rather urbane
    Was pulling a biker club train.
    She said “I like that
    But you guys are too fat
    And should go on a diet again.” :-)

  66. Tim James says:

    Here’s one for geeks of a certain age:

    James Kirk was extremely urbane;
    From space chicks he’d never abstain.
    He just couldn’t master
    That cosmic disaster:
    The episode known as “Spock’s Brain.”

  67. Diane Groothuis says:

    Your limericks are very urbane
    All about Tarzan and Jane
    But the trouble with mine
    When I’m trying to shine
    Is they give me a terrible pain.

  68. Tim O'N. says:

    A man who is really urbane
    Will politely converse, without strain,
    With a dullard, a bore,
    A tramp, or a whore,
    Never showing ennui or disdain.

  69. Diane Groothuis says:

    A student was very urbane
    When asked “Are you using your brain?”
    And the problem got worse
    And went into reverse
    When student gave teacher the cane.

  70. A man who is not too urbane
    Delayed posting this half writ refrain
    A schlemiel and a schmuck
    He just ran out of luck
    Finding rhyming words not too profane

  71. Charley Simmons says:

    A man who was rather urbane
    Looked at all others with distain
    With his nose in the air
    and high falutin’ flair,
    he walked in front of a train

  72. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 91.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Doc.