Limerick Doc (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*

or

A woman who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Doc
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who needed a doc
For his dog, who had swallowed a rock,
Found a vet, highly rated,
Who helped him, then stated:
“It isn’t a rock — that’s a crock.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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86 Responses to “Limerick Doc (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Linkmeister says:

    A fellow who needed a dock
    First had to push off from the rock
    Which had holed his boat
    and thus soaked his coat
    And even his lady friend’s frock!

  2. Uhave2laff says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Fell down in a field of hemlock
    Said “I’m going to die
    Before morn is nigh!”
    Doc nodded and said, “No shit, Sherlock.”

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    sat around the ER in a smock
    While he waited in vain
    the clot went to his brain
    Of angels he’s now part of the flock.

  4. A fellow who needed a Doc
    For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
    But they didn’t stop till
    Doc presented his bill
    Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”

  5. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Was for hours as hard as a rock
    He’d been trapped in the ice
    Now wasn’t I nice?
    I kept it clean and didn’t say “cock”

    Oops.

  6. Bill Klein says:

    A woman who needed a doc
    Demanded his most high-tech of stock
    So to track her child-bearing
    He had her start wearing
    A digital biological clock

  7. scott says:

    A fellow who needed a doc,
    exceeded the advertised clock,
    for the little blue pill,
    and eight hours still,
    the fellow is hard as a rock.

  8. Diane Groothuis says:

    Pertelotte needed a Doc
    When a naughty rogue rooster did clock
    Her little red head
    And that’s when she said
    “Chanticleer is my favourite cock”

  9. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Arrived at the office in shock
    He had a black eye
    Received from a guy
    Up whose wife he did pitifully knock.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A woman who needed a doc
    Got laid ‘neath a grandfather clock
    She came just in time
    For the Westminster chime
    Then fumed to the doc “your pill didn’t block.”

  11. John Sardo says:

    A woman who needed a doc
    Arrived at the office to mock
    The skills of her lover
    But soon she’d discover
    The doc’s had risen beneath his white smock.

  12. A fellow who needed a doc
    When hit in the head with a rock
    Found his character changed,
    And his life rearranged,
    And favoured high heels and a frock.

  13. brian miller says:

    a man who needed a dock
    met a woman who purred like a clock
    twice a day
    she had something to say
    unwound she no longer tick tocked

  14. Chris Papa says:

    A fellow who needed a doc,
    Sought one in cheap newspaper schlock,
    The sawbones he got,
    Came as drunken sot,
    Rejected as healer ad hoc.

  15. Claudia says:

    a fellow who needed a doc
    (once his health was stable like a rock)
    but he fell in love
    in the city garage
    with a car & since then was in shock

  16. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    After his wife gave him the talk
    For after five
    Added to his hive
    It was time to snip snip his cock

  17. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who went to a Doc,
    Was told he must put on a smock.
    After getting quite nude,
    Was he trying for lewd?
    Seems so, or he’d cover his cock.

  18. colonialist says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Because he would pick at a pock –
    For reason: he’d figure
    To make it much bigger -
    Said, ‘Small ones can give you a knock!’

  19. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow who went to a Doc,
    For help with what seemed like a block,
    Was saddened to see,
    His shrink sleepily,
    Half awake, focused more on the clock.

  20. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scotsman who needed a Doc
    When he nearly got drowned in the Loch
    Gave the reason as such
    As he fondled his crutch
    Was that “‘Nessie’ grabbed hold of my Jock”

  21. Rich D says:

    Our songbird so needed a doc
    to cure the results of a knock
    upon his lil’ head
    that near left him dead
    reciting bad lim’ricks, all schlock

  22. Rich D says:

    Hickory, dickory, doc
    a young lass removed her frock
    her beau said “aha!”
    at her front-clipping bra
    instead of a com’nation lock

  23. Diane Groothuis says:

    That songbird who needed a Doc
    Found life was a bit of a crock
    Coz when he came round
    Was eventually found
    Between a hard place and a rock.

  24. Bill Turner says:

    Chaucer maiden once needed a doc.
    Chastity belt bold knight did unlock.
    Maid said, “I’ll call father.”
    Instead she cried “Farther,”
    And slapped knight hard on his buttock.

    Now bold knight’s in need of a doc
    After having gone thrice round the block
    With fair maid so pure
    Whose “gift” has no cure.
    Said doc, “Knight you’re in for a shock.”

    Now here’s why knight needed a doc;
    His dick dripped so’t filled up a wok,
    Filled right to the top
    And just would not stop.
    Now knight’s bellowing, “Aint this a crock.”

  25. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow was rushed to the doc,
    After getting shot up with a Glock.
    The surgeon, quite nice,
    Gave the guy sage advice:
    “Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”

  26. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A guy thought he’d visit a Doc
    When he found a red ring round his cock
    And scared of disease
    He first prayed on his knees
    But God said, “That’s lipstick you crock”

  27. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old fellow who went to the Doc
    After studying his withering cock
    Said,”Why must it be
    when I finish a pee
    dribbles run into my sock”?

  28. Hoot Gibson says:

    A geologist who needed a Doc
    Fell ill and slept ’round the clock.
    For 24 years
    He’d no dreams and no fears.
    He was the new fossil found on our rock.

  29. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Gayboy spoke from the Dock
    To the Judge in the wig and the frock
    “If it’s against the Grand Plan
    to fuck your mate Dan,
    then why did God give us a cock”?

  30. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An Octogenarian said to his Doc,
    “What’s going wrong with my cock?
    I feel the sex urge
    and get ready to merge,
    but it wilts and goes into shock.

  31. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A farmer said, “Honestly, Doc,
    My chickens’ behavior’s a shock—
    The hens started butting
    Like stags that are rutting,
    And a chick started sucking my cock!”

  32. kaykuala says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Found one but was in for a shock
    Kinky clothes well in place
    Twisted smile on his face
    Was sniffing all over like a dog

    Hank

  33. Mike Moulton says:

    A preacher was needing a Doc
    When a football fan out in his flock
    said, “The game’s on at one,
    so you should have been done,
    but you weren’t so I punched out your clock.”

  34. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old maid who consulted a Doc
    Remarked as he lifted her frock
    “Although I am used
    to cucumber abuse,
    my vagina has never known cock”

  35. Carolyn Henly says:

    Captain Hook was in need of a doc
    ‘Cuz his arm was chewed off by a croc.
    But along with the arm
    The croc ate an alarm:
    Now he’s the croc ’round the clock.

  36. Tim James says:

    A man might have needed a doc
    When he got an electoral shock.
    The campaign was hard fought
    But he found himself caught
    Between a hard place and Barack.

  37. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Displayed palpitations & shock.
    Said the doctor: “I fear
    That the fiscal cliff’s near,
    And you really need H&R Block.”

  38. Dr. Goose says:

    A lady who needed a doc
    Complained of a tic and a tock.
    Said the doctor, disarmed:
    “Now don’t be alarmed
    By your own biological clock.”

  39. Dr. Goose says:

    Said a fellow consulting his doc
    On reducing the size of his cock:
    “Doc, don’t be scared,
    But it’s often compared
    To that monster that lives in the Loch.”

  40. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow said: “Pardon me, Doc,
    But my penis is shaped like a rock.”
    “I’m referring you to
    A geologist who
    Can examine your calcified cock.”

  41. Dr. Goose says:

    A lawyer created a doc
    For borrowing cash against stock.
    For one $AAPL share,
    They’d lend up to there;
    Much less, if it’s $FB you’d hock.

  42. Dr. Goose says:

    A mortgagor offered a doc
    For the rate I was looking to lock:
    “Just go on and sign,
    But if you fall behin’,
    Your abode will be up on the block.”

  43. JulesPaige says:

    A woman needed a doc
    her rooster was one sick cock
    t’was a season less cheery
    no eggs for nog dearie
    the hen house was out of it’s stock

  44. A woman who needed a doc
    When she would orgasm in shock
    After playing a fugue
    Synthesized on her Moog,
    Care of Johann Sebastian Bach.

  45. A fellow in need of a doc
    With some folklore was starting to balk
    He ate Red Delicious
    But puked repetitious
    That apple a day thing’s a crock

  46. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman returned to her Doc
    After hormonal treatment a shock
    She said, “I’ve grown hair”
    And the Doc said, “Just where”?
    “On my chest and right down to my cock”

  47. Ira Bloom says:

    A congressman needed a doc,
    For his nerves, after meeting ad hoc.
    In opposing a plan,
    To strike first in Iran,
    He’d yelled “Fools! Just remember Iraq!”

  48. Kirk Miller says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    Had treatment denied; ’twas a shock.
    Did not have insurance;
    He now has assurance
    Of coverage, thanks to Barack.

  49. Gary Hallock says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    “For my port,” he explained to the clark
    Because this one’s scuzzy
    Said clark, “That looks lousy
    For me that’s a walk in the pa’k”

  50. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lady who needed a Doc
    Had her foot bitten off by a croc
    Said “My dip in the sea
    Made it cheaper for me
    I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.

  51. Tom Harris says:

    A shepherd who needed a doc
    But instead had a beer, a bock,
    Then enjoyed some hard booze,
    Fell in love with the ewes –
    Rambunctiously tended his flock.

  52. Craig says:

    I’m late to the game this week, I see, but here’s one from me:

    On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
    Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
    Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
    So I make one, then say:
    “Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”

  53. Mark Megson says:

    A rabbit who needed a doc
    Said “what’s up” and often wore frocks
    That cross-dressing bunny
    Was often naked and funny
    But had no genitals with which to shock

  54. Gary Hallock says:

    My iPhone plugs into a dock
    Alarming at dawn, like a clock
    At dockside, I’m synching
    All night I am thinking,
    “I’ll wake when this boat starts to rock!”

  55. A fellow in need of a doc
    Had him cut off his ‘tackle and block’
    That’s how Fred became Faye
    But the shock is that they
    Cut his pay when they cut off his … stalk

  56. a woman who enjoys hike
    decides to climb the mountain by a bike,
    she rolls down and hurt her head
    after she finds her tire has gone flat,
    Glad that I’m not dead, she said…

    have fun.

  57. Craig says:

    Up in Maine, a guy went to the doc
    And said  ”somethin’s naht raht with ma cock:
    All that comes out ‘a
    Is a blast a whaht powda –
    Simply put, ah got ‘nuts full o’chock.’ “

  58. Mike Walker says:

    There’s a naughty word rhyming with dock
    The Serious lim’rickers mock
    They vow not to use it
    Try not to abuse it
    But this thread’s enamored with cock!

  59. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A fellow who needed a doc

    Decided to take off his frock.

    When his visit began

    He appeared as a man!

    And the doctor passed out with the shock!

  60. Nurse Nancy says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    To augment his miniscule cock
    Suggested they try
    A bone from his thigh
    And then there was no more small talk.

  61. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    Re a subject to give you a shock
    Said “I need intervention
    A penis extension
    With records all kept under lock”

  62. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A PhD seeking post-doc
    Was sending around the clock
    CV to professors
    From great ones to lesser
    Rejected always by spam block

    A patient complained to a doc:
    “Why hangs it always six o’clock?”
    The doc answer’d, helpful:
    “It would be not healthful
    If it stood always like a rock!”

  63. Tim James says:

    A guy bought a boat for his dock
    But he had to go deep into hock.
    It darkened his mood
    When he couldn’t buy food
    So he took his dog out for a wok.

  64. A poet who needed a doc
    to cure her writer’s block
    couldn’t find any
    though there were many,
    but none could make her pen talk.

  65. Luke Prater says:

    A fellow kept needing a doc,
    tho’ ‘hypochondria!’ they cruelly mock.
    He didn’t feel well -
    enter the Belle -
    now the healthiest guy on the block.

    The good new is my blogs back online and looking clean. Bad news is my limerick is shitty. :(

  66. Don says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    about the cost he never gave a thought
    he was not a man of means
    and so in his wildest dreams
    all he needed was his healthcare plan he thought

  67. Don says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    ask the Doc where he’d been taught
    said the Doc to his chagrin
    it was a cyber school he’d been in
    so trust in the Doc he had not.

  68. Don says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    in the waiting room watched the clock
    as the hours went by
    his blood pressure went sky high
    so another pill to stay calm he had to pop

  69. Don says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    in the waiting room watched the clock
    and as the hours went by
    his blood pressure went sky high
    so to the nurse he said with a sigh,
    “When do you think the bleeding will stop”?

  70. Don says:

    A fellow who thought he needed a Doc
    on 12/12/12 had a thought
    this date has good form and function
    so today must be the junction
    for new beginnings and old fashioned gumption

  71. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A patient was rushed to a doc
    Who began to administer shock
    Till she realized the hour
    Was too late for her power.
    “Time of death: gin and tonic o’clock.”

  72. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow who needed a doc
    For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
    Told his flunky “Get writing,
    And make it exciting.
    With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”

    But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
    If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
    Tiny type, midst the muck,
    Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
    And that guy is now working the dock.

  73. Bruce Niedt says:

    A woman who needed a doc
    found a quack who lived just down the block.
    He delivered her baby,
    but he got too rough, maybe –
    the kid has ears like Mr. Spock!

  74. Bruce Niedt says:

    A woman who needed a doc
    put her cosmetic surgeon in shock:
    “It’s imperative that
    we should operate – stat!
    I think your face just stopped my clock!”

  75. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Hooker went to her Doc
    Concerning depression and shock
    The complaints she did mention
    She claimed were from tension
    But the Doc said too much hot cock.

  76. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young chick attended a Doc
    And after he’d probed neath her frock
    Said, “OK Jess,
    You can lower your dress
    And you can now let go of my cock”

  77. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Hooker needed a Doc
    Who asked her to remove her frock
    But when he saw her crack
    He exclaimed, “Why it’s black”!
    But the colour was due to Daglock

  78. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A young Hooker who stood in the Dock
    Charged with corrupting men of the Frock
    Said, “I know I’m a charmer,
    But I’m like a chook farmer
    Who spends all her time raising cocks

  79. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A girl fighter down at the Dock
    Had muscles as hard as a rock
    When she wrestled a dude
    Fans cheered, some booed
    But they all loved to look at her box.

  80. Tim O'N. says:

    A fellow who needed the dock
    In the rock, for his boat on the loch,
    Found it padlocked and chained!
    So he loudly complained:
    ‘Hey there! Unlock the loch rock dock lock!’

  81. Diane Groothuis says:

    A preacher who needed a Doc
    For the only black sheep in his flock
    Said “Commandments you’ve broken
    You’re sittin’ there soakin’
    You look like a shag on a rock.”

  82. Charley Simmons says:

    A boater who needed a dock
    Built one attached to a rock
    But, to his dismay
    It floated away
    ‘Cause the rock he’d chosen was chalk.

  83. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who needed a Doc
    “Cause a bee had just stung his cock.
    But,the more that it swelled
    He felt most impelled,
    To say “Gee Doc I feel like a Jock”.

  84. Kirk Miller says:

    Doc Leonard McCoy needs a doc.
    He’s prostrate, has gone into shock.
    Vulcan’s tri-corder scan
    Shows no life in the man.
    “He’s dead, Jim,” reports Mr. Spock.

  85. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A prudish girl needed her Doc
    To get rid of her sex mental block
    If she just saw two flies
    Mate in front of her eyes
    She would swoon right away with the shock

  86. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 92.

    But you can still have lots of limericks fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Blue Limerick.