Posts Tagged ‘Gift Humor’

Dear Klutzy Gift-Givers (Limerick)

Thursday, December 18th, 2014

Dear Klutzy Gift-Givers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are your fingers all thumbs? Then beware!
Please don’t try to convince her you care
By wrapping your gift.
One quick look — she’ll be miffed:
“Why’s my present been mauled by a bear?”

Vendor Venting (Limerick)

Monday, January 20th, 2014

Vendor Venting (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A package arrives, which I lift.
Since I’ve NOT placed an order, I’m miffed.
It’s a greedy misdeed
To anticipate need.
Dear Amazon: Thanks for the gift.

Note from Mad Kane: This hasn’t actually happened to me, but it’s only a matter of time. Why? Because Amazon has just patented “anticipatory shipping.”

Yes, Amazon thinks it knows what we want, even before we know we want it.

Sorry Amazon, but my husband can’t read my mind … and neither can you.

The Astute Dad (Limerick)

Friday, June 15th, 2012

The Astute Dad (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A dad who was very astute
Always yearned for good Father’s Day loot,
But for decades got ties
That were hard on the eyes.
He exchanged forty ties for a suit.

(Linked at Poetry Jam, which asks us to celebrate.)

Commanding and Demanding (Haiku Quintet)

Thursday, March 17th, 2011

Designing programs
for software business clients —
command performance.

*****

Military gifts
like General Patton’s patch —
commanding presents.

*****

Want satisfaction
when your weapon’s sarcasm?
Pick a smart target.

*****

An unrooted soul
steps on the joy of others
and roots for failure.

*****

Meaningful haiku
that’s smart, breezy, yet mellow —
ticklish challenge.

*****

(Haiku Heights commands prompts us to write haiku using the word command; One Single Impression wants us to be sarcastic; Sensational Haiku Wednesday roots for us to write haiku; and Three Word Wednesday prompts us to use breeze, mellow, and tickle in one fell swoop.)

How To Muck Up Gift-Giving

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Some men send their wives Hallmark greeting cards. Then there’s Dick Kleis of Zwingle, Iowa, who got a bit more “creative” on his wife Carole’s birthday. He spent three hours spelling out a huge love note in 120,000 pounds of “good, soft, gushy, warm” manure. And proving that there’s no accounting for taste, his wife actually liked it, saying her hubby “dung good”.

Attention, dear hubby Mark … and any other man who might be inspired by this story on a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine’s Day: Don’t even think about it!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

How To Muck Up Gift-Giving
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear hubby, I’d really be miffed
If you gave me manure as a gift.
Now I don’t expect plush
If you ain’t feeling flush.
But dung? Sweet revenge will be swift.

Valentines Day Humor

Monday, February 5th, 2007

A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Attention guys — it’s time to get ready for Valentine’s Day. After all, you don’t want a repeat of last year, do you? I didn’t think so.

For most men, the very mention of Valentine’s Day conjures up memories of a last minute, fruitless shopping expedition followed by a quarrel with their girlfriend or wife. Women, on the other hand, tend to think romantic thoughts: champagne, dining by candlelight, strolling violinists, and an after-dinner brandy in front of a roaring fireplace. This scenario exists only in their fantasies, mind you. After all, they are dating or married to you.  … (A Valiant Guy’s Guide To Valentine’s Day is continued here.)