Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ICE at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using ICE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SHOPPING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SHOPPING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 11, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 10, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I’m a klutz who used FIGURE skates twice.
Would I try again? Never! No dice!
I kept fretting I’d fall,
Hit the wall, and then sprawl,
As I skated on very thin ice.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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87 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ICE at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Well, I thought the young lady was nice.
    When she offered, I didn’t think twice.
    I was ready to rock
    But I got quite a shock
    When I found she was frigid as ice.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Ode to Black Friday.

    Eat your turkey, then run to the mall,
    Join the folks all lined up wall to wall.
    Then charge into the stores
    As they open their doors,
    If you’re quick, you can make quite a haul!

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    Once while out shopping for ice
    For a lady who treated me nice
    I found a great ring
    Which made her heart sing
    But I couldn’t get over the price!

    So I asked of her if, say, instead
    I could buy a cute hat for her head
    She said, “Are you nutty?
    It makes me look slutty!
    In that thing I won’t be caught dead!”

  4. Suzanne Heymann says:

    She knows how to charm and entice
    So be careful and take my advice
    If whatever she’s selling
    Is wildly compelling
    Just bring down the swelling with ice.

  5. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Soon the winter is coming; how nice!
    As we slip, do the splits, hit the ice
    To avoid such a fate,
    On each foot, wear a skate
    You’ll just glide; ain’t it great? Paradise!

  6. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I once had a head full of lice
    And a friend said, “Just freeze ’em with ice
    You just stick your whole head
    On the Knik River bed”
    Now I’m buried and dead (great advice!)

  7. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There’s a phrase that is naughty or nice
    It is either a virtue or vice
    A bad marriage, cool drink
    They’re related, I think
    “On the rocks” is their link, cold as ice.

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Whenever I’m shopping for clothes
    For a bargain, I’ve got a good nose
    Many thrift stores just are
    Good at raising the bar
    Make me look like a star, and it shows!

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    Make sure that your drinks don’t have ice,
    ‘Cause parasites ain’t very nice,
    You’ll be in a bad way,
    In the bathroom you’ll stay,
    The tropics won’t be paradise.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    Her heart was as cold as dry ice;
    But in bed, she was more than quite nice.
    Never found out her name,
    But she drove him insane;
    Was so wondrous, that he fucked her twice.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    Will the world end in fire or ice?
    Don’t think either would be very nice.
    Unless Trump or asteroid,
    The earth won’t be destroyed.
    For four billion years, to be precise.

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
    But they carry a very high price.
    Funding’s frozen and they
    Say expect a delay,
    So the architect puts it on ice.

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    After having some spills that weren’t nice,
    High speed bobsledder heeds my advice
    And takes up a new sport.
    When asked why, he’ll retort,
    “People said I was skating on thin ice.”

  14. Kirk Miller says:

    I eschew crowds and shopping — no lie!
    Past an hour, I will feel like I’ll die.
    “To find joy,” the ad sings,
    “Get material things.”
    That’s a concept I just cannot buy.

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    To the mall on a spree the gal went;
    To buy clothes of all sorts her intent.
    She was gone the whole day,
    Then returned and did say,
    “After shopping that long, I am spent.”

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    Be careful, look out for black ice.
    ‘Cause falling is not very nice.
    You will find your sweet self
    Sprawled on your bottom shelf.
    On your ass, to be much more precise.

  17. Kirk Miller says:

    A credit card shopper named Marge
    Bought items that filled her garage.
    Her shopping’s compulsive;
    Some think it’s repulsive.
    From her Visa she gets a big charge.

  18. Kirk Miller says:

    Since the price of house windows is dropping,
    If replaced, could we have a whopping
    Sum of savings? You bet!
    Haven’t bought any yet
    ‘Cause right now we’re just window shopping.

  19. Kirk Miller says:

    Christmas shopping can be quite a grind.
    The best presents? I think you will find
    If you want a big lift,
    Meditation’s the gift
    That’s the best. You get presence of mind.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    When upset, many women will eat;
    They prefer foods that are very sweet.
    Not me, I just shop
    Right from my laptop!
    I search, make some clicks, then repeat.

  21. Patty Magyar says:

    Santa came down the chimney head first,
    Laughing hard, I thought I might burst,
    He said “that’s not nice,
    My head hurts, I need ice”.
    Then he became nasty and cursed.

  22. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Here’s to “sah-keh,” the wine made from rice,
    Drink it heated, or poured over ice.
    Once you’re used to the taste
    It will not go to waste,
    ‘Cause the buzz that it gives is so nice!

  23. Ken Gosse says:

    Cold Christmas ~
    Christmas shopping? Well, take my advice:
    Choose your gifts by a roll of the dice,
    ‘cause whatever you choose,
    Just like craps, you will lose,
    And your wife’s gonna put you on ice.

  24. Ken Gosse says:

    Forgo Fargo, Fair Grimsrud ~
    His companionship never was nice,
    ‘cause his heart fostered nothing but vice.
    When he went Christmas chopping
    Instead of just shopping
    They shot his ass out on the ice.

  25. Ken Gosse says:

    Warm Blooded Shopping ~
    My two Limericks were just a device,
    To turn warm readers’ blood into ice,
    So before you go shopping
    I first suggest stopping
    To thaw it with hot rum and spice.

  26. Judith H. Block says:

    When you go down south of the border,
    Be sure to take care what you order,
    Watch out for the ice,
    It can have parasites,
    You don’t want a bowel disorder.

  27. Ken Gosse says:

    (inspired by Robert Schechter’s Limerick on facebook)
    Pro-Vice ~
    Single or blended – no vice,
    Even if you prefer it with ice.
    Although my druther’s Scotch,
    If that ain’t what you gotch
    I’ll take single or blended, but thrice.

  28. Ken Gosse says:

    Skating on Safe Ice ~
    This year Jekyll and Hyde are on Ice,
    And, as always, they’re poison and spice.
    First, Hyde skates like the devil,
    Then with Jekyll, we’ll revel
    Because Ice Capades always end nice.

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    I was lost in the snow and the ice,
    Tormented by thoughts that entice:
    A log fire ablaze,
    Soft music that plays,
    Mulled wine, piping hot, filled with spice;

    A rare, tender steak would be nice,
    And some chocolate cake, a huge slice,
    Then a brandy or two …
    As my fingers turned blue,
    I ploughed on through the snow and the ice.

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    She was trapped on the fast-melting ice;
    The whole floe would be gone in a trice.
    But the Donald said “Folks,
    Global warming’s a hoax!”
    Said the bear as she drowned, “Well, that’s nice.”

  31. Ted Hayes says:

    The crazy old coot’s head packed with dry ice,
    still showed all the blood and dead lice.
    Said he with some flair,
    “Used Nair for me hair,
    then stabbed all them buggers twice”!

  32. Ian Graham says:

    D. Trump, until further advice,
    Says “Climate change measures? No dice.
    This warming the planet
    Stuff’s nonsense. Just can it.
    With me you won’t cut any ice.”

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    The Senate’s infested with lice,
    And the Congress with roaches and mice.
    They’re useless, those farts,
    And the warmth of their hearts
    Would turn boiling water to ice.

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    (An old one)

    While using a woodworking vise,
    My wotsit got caught in it – nice!
    So that bulge in my jeans
    Isn’t rude, it just means
    That I’m soothing the wound with some ice.

  35. Ian Graham says:

    “Just shop till you drop,” said the cop.
    “Get purchasing now and don’t stop.
    The law of the land
    Is supply and demand
    So don’t you dare make, mend or swap.”

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    If your wife asks for helpful advice
    About jeans she’s just puchased, think twice.
    “Do they make me look fat?”
    “Only slightly.” Then, splat!
    Now I’m soothing my eye with some ice.

  37. Dave Johnson says:

    To Costco, my wife had sent me;
    For mouthwash and boxes of tea.
    I was wildly enthused,
    But she wasn’t amused
    When I brought home that big-ass TV.

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    When parking out there on the ice,
    Some fishermen ought to think twice.
    That climate change “hoax”
    Isn’t fodder for jokes;
    A deep-diving truck is the price.

  39. Brian Allgar says:

    “There’s no need to try breaking the ice;
    The Donald’s technique will suffice.
    See a pussy? Just grab it –
    She’ll squeal like a rabbit,
    But I gotta grip like a vise.”

  40. Brian Allgar says:

    (Another one from the past …)

    My wife took me shopping for suits,
    But she ended up trying on boots.
    What I told her still rankles –
    “Dear, not with your ankles!”
    She pulled out my hair by the roots.

  41. Val Fish says:

    When it comes to Christmas I tend
    To go crazy and overspend
    But it costs me dear
    Cos all the next year
    I’m paying back my flexible friend

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    My wife has gone mad, she is hopping,
    Because I forgot to go shopping,
    And ain’t washed the dishes.
    “Go sleep with the fishes!”
    Her saucepan is lifted for bopping.

  43. Loyd Dillon says:

    Trump’s “policy” tweets are not nice.
    He quadruples (that’s “double down” twice).
    But the Drumfs all came here
    From elsewhere so fear
    Deportation by “endorsers” at ICE.

  44. Ted Hayes says:

    In the California town of Van Nuys,
    low water made not enough ice to suffice.
    So a barkeep named Brewer
    tapped in to the town sewer
    and the water interred in his freezer made ice!

  45. Dave Johnson says:

    In First Class, there’s champagne on ice;
    The wine served in Business is nice.
    But then for the rest,
    Maybe coffee at best;
    Or a cocktail at three times the price.

  46. Ken Gosse says:

    Where’s the Spice? ~
    I thought of a Limerick for Ice,
    But then noticed I’ve posted thrice twice,
    But, upon a re-read
    I found what they all need:
    Is a whole lot less sugar. More Spice!

  47. Ken Gosse says:

    Inspired by Sue Dudley, with thanks:
    The Star at the Top of the Christmas List ~
    My Dad made a long shopping list
    But just in case something was missed
    The first page was blank:
    Part wisdom, part prank,
    For that something we just can’t resist.
    [By the way, my Dad wrote a letter to my wife when I was in Korea for a year. He left the first page blank and started the second, “I couldn’t think of anything to say.”]

  48. Jeanine Silverio says:

    For you couples all looking to spice
    Up your love life well here’s some advice
    Think your wife’s down to earth
    And cares not for net worth?
    She’ll get hot for two carats of ice.

  49. Jeanine Silverio says:

    On a stormy and dark Christmas Eve,
    I was shopping, if you can believe,
    And brawling with dawdlers
    For toys for my toddlers.
    I mace ’em now (I’m not naive!).

  50. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Chocolate syrup and coffee and cream
    Goes so well with your malt whiskey dream
    But instead of the ice
    Just a spoon will suffice
    As you pour it on top of ice cream.

  51. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The old shopping bug – I never feed it
    I just buy me a thing if I need it
    The temptation is high
    When you order and buy.
    Credit limit – don’t try to exceed it!

  52. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Have you ever seen some woman shopping
    While her man tags along with store-hopping?
    He’s there holding her bags
    While she tries on new rags
    On and on he just lags without stopping.

    How about, at the end of the day,
    She should just let him have his own way
    He will tell her, “I dare
    You to put on and wear
    Just your birthday suit there on display!”

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    If there’s one thing my wife really hates,
    It’s shopping for food – endless waits.
    So I did it on-line;
    It was all going fine,
    Then a black screen! It’s bloody Bill Gates!

  54. Brian Allgar says:

    In Amsterdam, shopping with glee,
    Behind every window, you’ll see
    A young lady to rent.
    If you haven’t a cent,
    Inspecting the goods is quite free.

  55. Brian Allgar says:

    The shop-lifting queen often gloats
    Of the number of items she totes.
    “I’m thin before thieving,
    But fat when I’m leaving –
    Five sweaters, four skirts, and three coats.”

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    A disappointed shopper

    It was “Pussy Day” down at the mall,
    And I thought I would have me a ball,
    So I jumped in a cab
    And I raced there to grab
    Me some pussy – found kittens, that’s all!

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    They ordered a fancy new phone
    Delivered by Amazon drone.
    The service was fast,
    But left them aghast;
    Their chimney’s a dropping-off zone.

  58. Ken Gosse says:

    ‘Twas a Cold but Toasty Night ~
    He’s checking his shopping list twice,
    As he filled his sleigh out on the ice.
    Whether naughty Or nice,
    Just take my advice
    And be sure to leave hot rum and spice.

  59. Tim James says:

    On Black Friday they heeded the call
    To Go Buy! They jammed in, wall-to-wall.
    Trampling, mayhem and fights
    Are the ample delights
    Of tradition: The Great Shopping Maul.

  60. Fred Bortz says:


    My limerick writing advice:
    You’ll do best if you skate on thin ice.
    Write of men being frisky
    Or of broads who drink whisky.
    Ditch your sweetness, and pour on the spice.

    My limerick writing advice:
    You’ll do best if you skate on thin ice.
    Write about genitalia
    Displayed–it won’t fail ya.
    ‘Tis best if you’re bawdy, not nice.

    I’ve posted this guideline now twice:
    Scribe your lims as you skate on thin ice.
    Write of bawdy old druids,
    And bodily fluids,
    Excretions and pustules and lice.

  61. Wendy Playter says:

    A mob boss named Sugary Ned
    Liked baked goods and one day he said,
    “It would be very nice
    If this cake got some ice!”
    (And later the cake turned up dead.)

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    To follow Fred’s missive takes guts;
    No shopping or holiday nuts.
    I’ll alter my post
    To highlight that most
    Limericks know stiffs, glands or butts.

  63. Patty Magyar says:

    To the store, I went for a ham.
    I tripped on the steps, and then WHAM!
    The steps hit my head,
    Now I’m laid up in bed
    and talking like Yoda, I am.

  64. Patty Magyar says:

    My Shopping List from the 70’s

    To my dealer, I needed to dash,
    For some mushrooms, some weed, and some hash.
    He said “want some coke?
    It goes good with the smoke”.
    I said “no, I just don’t have the cash”.

  65. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    He was sexy and cooler than ice.
    All his moves were so smooth and precise.
    He had style and flair,
    Plus that beautiful hair,
    So I wasn’t expecting the lice.

  66. Ted Hayes says:

    A closet nympho named Twiggy McDyce,
    had a passion hot enough to melt ice.
    But so thin was this girl,
    when she swallowed a pearl,
    nine guys left town pumping a handcar device!

  67. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My mail-order bride wasn’t nice.
    Said my legerdemain was a vice,
    And magicians are lame,
    So I’m hardly to blame
    For turning the bitch in to ICE.

  68. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The guests arrived! Dread has me filled
    For the wine I will serve is not chilled
    Someone gave me advice
    To just add some crushed ice
    That should make it quite nice; now I’m thrilled!

    Oh, but now I’m concerned it’s diluted
    This idea is so convoluted
    Well, it now matters none
    That’s because everyone
    Drank a lot, had some fun, got polluted!

  69. A fellow with nerves of pure ice,
    Was asked by his wife for advice.
    His reply was that
    “Of course it looks fat”;
    His death, while quick, was not nice.

  70. Brian Allgar says:

    “I took some advice – David Duke’s –
    And went shopping to buy me some nukes.
    They were made in Taiwan,
    And they’re part of my plan
    To silence them Chinese rebukes.”

  71. Brian Allgar says:

    The Parisian streets are no fun;
    They are littered with dog-turds, each one.
    But when covered in ice,
    It is even less nice –
    I’ve just stepped on the President’s son!

  72. Ted Hayes says:

    “Watch out for black ice”!
    was my dear wife’s advice.
    But I didn’t take heed,
    and can now only plead,
    “Please Doc, lower your price”!

  73. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Almost Xmas and shoppers are crazed,
    Which is why I don’t shop unless blazed.
    As I’m cruising the mall,
    I encounter a brawl,
    So I’m off to the food court unfazed.

  74. Tim James says:

    A plumber tried breaking the ice
    With the lady next door. She was nice,
    And she made her needs plain.
    So he snaked out her drain.
    She was thoroughly satisfied. Twice.

  75. Ted Hayes says:

    Shopping in Tiajuana

    In Tiajuana low prices you vie for,
    and the tacos so great, you’ll die for.
    But specks on your food,
    the price won’t include.
    They’re fleas, the cook’ll just lie for!

  76. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I know you’ve been naughty, not nice,
    By indulging your energy vice.
    My traditional role
    Is to leave you some coal,
    But you’d burn it and there goes the ice.

  77. Wendy Playter says:

    Though shopping made Eleanor squeal,
    It made FDR quite the heel.
    But he cheered up a lot
    When he had a new thought–
    “I might chance upon a new deal!”

  78. Patty Magyar says:

    I’m dead and my body’s on ice,
    My friend shot me ‘cuz I wasn’t nice,
    I drank all their beer,
    Now I’m lying here
    In the morgue with the rats and the mice.

  79. Patty Magyar says:


    To the store, I went out for a ham.
    I tripped on the steps, and then WHAM!
    The stair hit my head,
    Now I’m laid up in bed
    and talking like Yoda, I am.

  80. David Reddekopp says:

    I hate shopping. Adrift, what to buy
    There’s no stopping for thrift, price too high
    Just to give her a lift
    I deliver my gift
    Now she’s hopping mad, miffed, so I cry.

  81. Marty McCullen says:

    I think I told you once of twice,
    I like a dessert with some spice.
    But if that’s not good
    In your neighborhood,
    I will go find another vice.

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Nervous speakers could feel apprehension
    She was told, “Leave the stage!” (a suspension!)
    “I just tried to be nice
    By a-breaking the ice
    So I flashed my tits twice to ease tension!”

  83. Diane Groothuis says:

    Their dance to “Bolero” was nice
    In a seamless but quite complex splice
    I take it you’ve seen
    Our Torville and Dean
    Unravel the Ravel on ice.

  84. Heather Feather says:

    She had just one terrible vice
    It involved the rolling of dice
    When she placed on the red
    He rolled black instead
    And ended up wearing a bucket of ice

  85. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When the holidays come and I’m broke
    And my savings account is a joke
    I can’t make a living
    By always gift-giving
    And credit is driven to choke.

    So one day I cried, “Mamma mia!
    Eureka! I have an idea
    It’s sweeter than honey
    And won’t involve money
    If this works out, sonny, I’ll see ya!”

    For paper and pen I have paid
    Gift certificates done, all homemade
    Just wait’ll you hear
    What I’ve planned for this year
    Money woes will steer clear and just fade.

    Each certificate offers much more
    Than the stuff you would buy in a store
    My time gets surrendered
    Not legally tendered
    (And no, I won’t work as a whore).

    A car wash, a housecleaning service
    Full body massage (don’t be nervous)
    I’ll care for your hound
    Cook your food till it’s browned
    Or just drive you around (I won’t swerve us)

    So, shopping? Don’t bother! You’ll see
    How much fun this ‘gift-giving’ can be
    Every man and his wife
    Will have no money strife
    ‘Cause the best things in life can be free!

  86. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the SHOPPING-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Flu.