Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PARTIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PARTY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 25, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 24, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here are my two sample limericks:

I never get shots for the flu.
It’s just something I don’t like to do;
I’m convinced they won’t work,
And I’ll feel like a jerk
When succumbing to germs from the queue.


I’m hoping you won’t misconstrue
This as telling you what you should do:
Our abode smells of smoke,
Which isn’t a joke.
Did you choke off our fireplace flue?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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66 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    ‘Twas a fine flight attendant named Sue,
    Made me feel good each time that I flew.
    She would meet all my needs
    With incredible deeds,
    ‘Cause she always knew just what to do!

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    ‘Tis the season when folks celebrate,
    Food and booze that just will not abate.
    But don’t do it too quick
    Or you’re sure to get sick
    From the stuff that you drank and you ate!

  3. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I coughed and I sneezed and I blew,
    And my temp was a hundred and two.
    Couldn’t get out of bed.
    Thought I soon would be dead.
    Hope I never again get the flu.

  4. Jesse Levy says:

    Gee, but the time really flew!
    It’s been fun being in here with you.
    But before we must part
    Let’s get to the heart
    Of the matter tonight, dear, and screw.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    From the chimney, she heard a to-do,
    Then Santa appeared down the flue.
    “I hope you’ve brought shoes,
    I just love Jimmy Choos.”
    “No, I’ve brought you”, he said, “ a … ACHOO!”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    They were partying; he was so high,
    LSD made him think he could fly.
    Well, it’s true that he flew
    For a second or two,
    Till the moment he ran out of sky.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    I could feel I was catching the flu,
    And I knew what I needed to do:
    Hot lemon and rum!
    Am I cured? No, old chum,
    But I’m pleasantly drunk on this brew.

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    ‘Twas a very fine host who’s named Marty
    Who knew how to throw the best party
    He would make every guest
    Feel like they were the best
    Put their fears all to rest; what a smarty!

  9. Suzanne Heymann says:

    ‘Tis the season for saying, “Achoo!”
    What to do for a cold or a flu –
    Drink some honey and lemon
    And rest till it’s stemmin’
    The coughin’ and phlegmin’ in you.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker appeared ill at ease;
    Her client had started to sneeze.
    He was catching the flu!
    Far too risky to screw,
    So she stayed at arm’s length on her knees.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The Party’s over

    The GOP know they’ve been rash;
    The economy’s certain to crash.
    Says The Donald, “I guess
    I must sell the US –
    But don’t worry, Putin will pay cash.”

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    A bricklayer and his good crew
    Built a fireplace for old Fu Manchu.
    When the job was all done,
    They were sick, every one.
    You should know what they had: Asian flue.

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    At the party, the cannibal bride
    Grabbed the groom, and she pulled him aside.
    “The reception is great
    And the food that we ate,
    But I’m fed up with people,” she sighed.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    What happened to TIME? It just flew.
    Where is that young chick that I knew?
    In the mirror, who’s that?
    My smile just went flat!
    Who’s that person there? Is it YOU?

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    You were such a great guy, that I knew.
    The years went so fast; they just flew.
    The moments, sublime!
    Wish I could freeze time.
    I remember the joy… I miss you.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    He gave her the chills, she just knew.
    A fever consumed through and through.
    She was thus inclined
    But it’s true, love is blind.
    All she had was a case of the flu.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    At parties, she sort of went wild.
    She saw a hot guy and he smiled.
    Such torrid words said!
    They would end up in bed.
    Then onto another manchild.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    The parties! The booze, and the food!
    The laughter; The fun, festive mood!
    More platefuls? Why, YES!
    Though it’s all in excess.
    Can’t refuse them ’cause that would be rude!

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    The party won’t happen, you fools!
    You’re nothing but throw-away tools.
    You’ve been conned, you’ve been used.
    And Trump’s quite amused,
    ‘Cause he doesn’t play by your rules.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    If Santa really comes down the flue,
    No fire, we’re cold! What to do?
    Drinking booze to keep warm!
    The Christmas eve norm.
    Light the fire; Shop Macy’s! F–k you!

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A million dollars a day!
    To protect Trump, my City must pay!
    You party on our dime!
    It’s disgraceful, big time!
    We’re begging you, just go away!

  22. Kay Davies says:

    A semi-Scottish Limerick for Mad Kane’s limerick-off
    (with apologies to my Scottish ancestors)

    ach, we poot in me new kitchen flue
    now I dinna know what tae do
    me big parrot got loose
    and it flew ‘roond the hoose
    ’til it scared off the whole workin’ crew

  23. Tim James says:

    It was Christmas Eve. Santa was due,
    Bearing goodies and gifts, a whole slew.
    All my hopes, though, were dashed:
    In the chimney he crashed.
    I’d forgotten to open the flue.

  24. Val Fish says:

    At a fancy dress do, down in Derry
    Maid Marian had a drop too much sherry
    It wasn’t young Robin
    Who had her heart throbbin
    ‘Twas Little John who made Marian merry

  25. Tim James says:

    We met at a New Year’s soirée,
    Drinking wine till we got enivré.
    Such a sweet mademoiselle,
    And a fille oh so belle!
    And the way she could French made my day.

  26. David Reddekopp says:

    It’s clear that I haven’t a clue
    How to clean out a chimney; it’s true
    When I tried, it instead
    Just collapsed on my head
    Now I’m laid up in bed from the flue.

  27. Kirk Miller says:

    When they asked, “Want a shot?” I acceded.
    Their prevention advice I had heeded.
    Didn’t want to get flu,
    So I knew what to do.
    ‘Twas the shot in the arm that I needed.

  28. Kirk Miller says:

    Do “The Vogue” at a party and dance,
    But don’t jump with the music and prance,
    ‘Cause everyone knows,
    Just strike a good pose,
    And then say, “May I have this stance?”

  29. Wendy Playter says:

    A party is not where it’s at
    When you wear an introvert’s hat.
    So when it gets loud
    I exit the crowd,
    To sneak off and go pet the cat.

  30. Wendy Playter says:

    Inside of my nostril it flew,
    The virus that some call the flu.
    And, not to be crude,
    This dampened my mood–
    It’s opened both ends of my flue.

  31. Wendy Playter says:

    I got an invite–stained and older–
    To dine in a clime that was colder.
    I swear on my honor,
    The party was Donner.
    I left when they gave a cold shoulder.

  32. Judith H. Block says:

    No Santa down the wide chimney flue.
    Bye to you and to your reindeer crew.
    Soon delivery by drone
    In every time zone.
    Just the latest in high-tech breakthrough.

  33. David Reddekopp says:

    We all thought that the party was super
    And we all drank ourselves to a stupor
    Then in came the dog
    To drop a big log
    That bitch was a big party pooper.

  34. Judith H. Block says:

    If Santa went down into a burning fireplace. New Christmas party food!

    What goes with roast loin Santa Claus?
    Indeed, the idea gives me pause..
    With this entree,
    A dry chardonnay?
    A cheeky merlot, just because!

  35. Judith H. Block says:

    The party continues (with Brian Allgar’s brilliant suggestion of Vino Santo wine!)

    Then it’s Vino Santo we’ll drink!
    Want Kringle and wine both in sync.
    Such a succulent roast!
    “L’chayim Santa!”, we toast!
    It’s all quite sick/lovely, I think!

  36. Ted Hayes says:

    Will someone please give me a clue
    how to manage five kids with the flu?
    Jill has the shakes, Jake’s tummy aches,
    the twins can’t defecate, and goodness sakes!
    Little Jenny’s still hugging the loo!

  37. Richard Campbell says:

    Hi, I’m Rick; I’m a limerickaholic.
    Through these fun little verses I frolic,
    Other interests? Few.
    And my wife? She just flew.
    (These poems are so darn diabolic!)

    As I lie awake nights, I confesses
    I’m not counting sheep, only stresses.
    And my meter? No clue.
    I have caught mental flu.
    All my lims seem meandering messes.

    Is there help somewhere, ‘fore I just drop?
    I feel like my brain’s ’bout to plop.
    All thought’s flown up the flue —
    Need activities new.
    (What the heck. Just one more. Then I’ll stop!)

  38. Mark G. Kane says:

    She often had fun when they flew.
    Together they’d sneak in the loo.
    She always will treasure,
    Their cramped randy pleasure,
    But sadly, she’s bid him adieu.

  39. Ken Gosse says:

    The Dewey, Dewey Flu ~
    [Inspired, as often, by Ogden Nash]
    Perhaps in concurrence with you,
    I might wish he’d rhymed flue with adieu,
    But we’ll flee from a flaw
    I suspect that he saw
    Once he made his escape from the flu.

  40. Kirk Miller says:

    The Republican drank some wine
    At the party, was feeling fine.
    He got up from his seat,
    Danced the conga, ’twas neat.
    He just followed the party line.

  41. Kirk Miller says:

    At her birthday bash, woman named Beth
    Muttered curses just under her breath.
    The limelight she hated.
    She felt quite ill-fated
    At the party, a fete worse than death.

  42. Ken Gosse says:

    Party of Three ~
    There once was a party of three:
    A he and a she and a she,
    And while he said, “Me! Me!”
    She and she said, “Oui Oui!”
    Cherished dreams of Paris Gaiety.

  43. Richard Campbell says:

    It’s a party, a bash, and a binge;
    An affair and a fête — but I cringe.
    And my ire will ignite,
    If you dare to invite
    All your friends from the lunatic fringe.

  44. Patty Magyar says:

    Trump makes me feel sad and blue.
    It’s much worse than having the flu.
    Though his fans adore him,
    I’d like to ignore him,
    But four years he will be in the news.

  45. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There is more to the much-dreaded flu
    Than just coughing and going “Achoo!”
    You get fever and chills
    Diarrhea-like spills
    And those useless damn pills you take too!

    Your pained body aches all through and through
    And some vomiting ain’t nothin’ new
    A sore throat that is rough
    Makes you sound gruff and tough
    Snot and phlegm – that’s enough to feel blue.

    Well, I betcha that you never knew
    That the flu can still benefit you
    Just go visit each chum
    Who’s a bum and a scum
    And do let them have some of it too!

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    Her mother said “Yes, you should go;
    Perhaps you might meet a new beau.”
    At the party, she sighs;
    The available guys
    Act like Larry, Curly and Moe.

  47. Patty Magyar says:

    I’m hoping good knowledge
    will influence the college
    of electors who’ll be voting Monday.
    To cross their party line,
    it may earn them a fine,
    but for that, I surely would pay.

  48. Val Fish says:

    In the mile high club she frequently flew
    Spending an awfully long time in the loo
    (She never liked to be rushed)
    She’d emerge somewhat flushed
    And oblivious to a very long queue

  49. Ted Hayes says:

    A gorilla with intestinal flue
    devoured poor Harry at the zoo.
    Said his dear wife Katelet,
    “He was, and is now ape shit,
    but he’ll all come out in the poo!”

  50. Ted Hayes says:

    The puppy was all in a stew.
    His Christmas once white was now blue.
    Each of the gifts he hated,
    for all were flea riddance related.
    Next Christmas I hope Santa gets stuck in the flue!

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    Arab chief is considered a freak
    In his country because just last week
    At a party one night,
    Did a thing not too bright:
    For a while he had danced sheik to sheik.

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    A beekeeper friend of mine, Marty,
    Remarked with a laugh that was hearty:
    “When a new hive is done,
    Bees and I have some fun.
    I throw them a house swarming party.”

  53. Tim James says:

    To the arms of his mistress he flew
    And he thought that his wife had no clue.
    She found out just the same:
    He cried out the wrong name
    During sex. That’s a screw that he’ll rue.

  54. Val Fish says:

    They were dancing at a very posh do
    When the clock started to strike, off she flew
    But Cinderella
    Landed her fella
    When he came calling, ‘Is this your shoe?’

  55. Richard Campbell says:

    I just have to edit a previous lim:

    It’s a party, a bash, and a binge;
    An affair and a fête — but I cringe.
    And my ire will ignite,
    If Trump dares to invite
    All his friends from the lunatic fringe.

  56. Tom Pikul says:


  57. Ted Hayes says:

    Juan Gonzalez, a very old monk,
    at a party wed Carmen while drunk.
    But once in Niagara,
    he had no Viagra,
    so his wife retrieved Raul from the trunk.

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    Their party had something for all;
    Everybody was having a ball.
    Some eggnog had flowed,
    And it really showed
    With the undies they found in the hall.

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    This happened the last time I flew;
    I wasn’t quite sure what to do.
    My stuff in the box,
    I hadn’t worn socks;
    And someone made off with a shoe.

  60. Fred Bortz says:

    Apropos of a Facebook post from Mad and her better half, Mark

    The doctors declare, “It is true
    That protecting us all from the flu
    ‘s not a hundred percent,
    But this shot may prevent
    Ague and a-chooing for you.”

    Still some folks persist in the view
    That medics do not have a clue.
    They turn down injection,
    Risk getting infection,
    And spread it to me and to you.

    We still love them all, through and through,
    But we wish that they’d soon get a clue.
    If they don’t, they may phone ya,
    “I’m getting pneumonia,
    And simply don’t know what to do.”

    Don’t be like those people who knew,
    But still became part of the crew
    Who are caught in the spiral
    Of illness gone viral.
    No sympathy we’ll have for you.

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Though the windows and doors locked like glue
    The bug still broke in and slipped through
    It killed each family member
    That night in December
    We’ll always remember the flu!

    The virus did need hosts anew
    To occupy, feed off of too
    But with no life about
    It soon found a new route
    And the flu then flew out through the flue.

  62. Suzanne Heymann says:

    At the party, if there’s just one stranger
    There may be potential for danger
    Getting beaten or marred
    Maybe robbed, you’ll be scarred
    There’s no bouncer, cop, guard or a ranger.

    Don’t get drunk, and make sure you’re well-fed
    And just stay mostly sober instead
    You won’t get victimized
    You can leave them surprised
    When you’ve bopped the bad guys on the head!

  63. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A bat colony hangs from my flue
    So now what in the hell should I do?
    If I started a fire
    The smell would be dire
    This horrid bat pyre with poo.

    The guano would be a big mass
    That emits toxic, nose-burning gas
    If I don’t soon move out
    Or just seal it with grout
    Then I am, beyond doubt, a dumb ass!

    I must now find a way to undo
    All my losses, so out of the blue —
    Tell me, what if I sell it?
    Some folks may not smell it
    If they have a cold or a flu!

  64. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick Award 267.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the PARTIES-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerck-Off Sign.

  65. Jeanine Silverio says:

    People’s faith in the system fast flew
    Out the window – The EC just blew
    Their last chance to expel
    This foul despot from hell
    From whose mouth only lies and hate spew.