***** All New LIMERICK-OFF ***** Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: REST or WREST or ARREST at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using REST or WREST or ARREST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GUILT, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best guilt-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 1, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 30, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow attempting to rest,
Told his girlfriend, “Your parrot’s a pest!
“So it’s him or it’s me!”
“I’m setting you free,”
She responded, “Go find a new nest!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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115 Responses to “***** All New LIMERICK-OFF ***** Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: REST or WREST or ARREST at the end of any one line”

  1. Dean Geier says:

    From limericks we’ve taken a rest
    But now with a fresh lively zest
    We welcome you back
    Let’s get back on track!
    Mad Kane, you’re simply THE BEST!

  2. Ken Gosse says:

    For this historic occasion, a limerick of historical events:
    The Lionheart Sleeps Tonight ~
    Br’er John the Usurper knew best:
    If the Lionheart were put to rest,
    He could return n’er to
    The throne he was heir to
    And England would feather John’s nest.

  3. Ken Gosse says:

    Two Flew Out of the Cuckoos’ Nest ~
    Her young husband though it would be best
    To move out of her folks’ cuckoo’s nest.
    Putting caution to flight,
    She got pregnant that night.
    Now their home’s an asylum sans rest.

  4. Ken Gosse says:

    We the Jury Don’t Find the Defendant ~
    Throughout history, crime never stops,
    And who do we call on? The cops.
    Though we find jury duty
    Makes most of us moody,
    We’re guilty if justice flip-flops.

  5. Sharon Neeman says:

    The Day They Raided Mar-a-Lago

    He stared with mixed horror and zest
    As they bundled the Prez off, half-dressed;
    But his wife closed her eyes
    And sighed, “THAT’s no surprise:
    He SAID he was here for a-rest!”

  6. Ken Gosse says:

    Beau Jests ~
    In lim’ricks, the worst are oft’ best
    And their scent can put roses to rest.
    Perhaps poetry’s pall,
    Some are like a foul ball
    That goes deep, although most are beaux gestes.

  7. Ken Gosse says:

    In the Lim’rick Patch ~
    My limericks are gen’rally lilty.
    As for grammar faux-pas—yes, I’m guilty.
    For in spite of reproach,
    I’ve a patchwork approach,
    And my grammar is frequently quilty.

  8. Sharon Neeman says:

    Allaying my STRESSED with DESSERTS
    Brings a problem that’s hard to reverse:
    The GUILT that I feel
    Over chocolate is real,
    And TLIUG just makes matters worse.

  9. Ken Gosse says:

    Writing Wrist Wrenched ~
    Her wrist, nearly wrenched from the rest,
    Being wrested from all it liked best
    At behest of the pain
    Needed rest to regain
    Freedom from the arrest of its zest.

  10. Our rabbit thinks she’s the best
    and likes to give us a test
    pick her up in the night
    without having her fight
    if we pass, well then we can rest

  11. Mike Moulton says:

    Said Trump, “You should give it a rest
    This Russian connection inquest,”
    But Mueller declined
    Saying he was inclined,
    To gauge the guilt that this plea might suggest.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    The Donald is under arrest!
    “I am guilty as charge”, he confessed.
    Now he’s rotting in jail
    Sewing bags for the mail …
    Then I woke from my dream, quite depressed.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    He was driving, one hand on her breast,
    And her blowjob was truly the best;
    But the car hit a bump,
    And she bit the poor chump …
    I hardly need tell you the rest

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump’s gold-lust can never be sated;
    Just touching it makes him elated.
    Every loo he’s had built
    Is the proof of his gilt,
    And even his shit is gold-plated.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    “Our Prez is the greatest, the best!”
    Cried his voters. Who were they? You’ve guessed –
    White supremacist scum
    Who would lick Donald’s bum,
    Nazi creeps, KKK, and the rest.

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    I decided I needed a rest
    From that evil fake-President pest,
    So I tried to compose
    A sweet Ode to a Rose,
    But my keyboard is Donald-obsessed.

  17. Chris Gross says:

    If The Donald was doing his best,
    Then you think he’d by now’ve passed the test.
    He seems far too carefree;
    So can’t we all agree
    To put him under “White House” arrest?

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    You will say that I’m guilty, no doubt,
    Of alternative facts when I shout:
    “Look! I’ve just seen a pig
    In a bright orange wig
    Who is sniffing cocaine through his snout!”

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    Well, by now I am utterly stressed.
    Bloody Trump! I must give him a rest.
    Bloody Donald! I think
    I’m in need of a drink –
    A strong Bloody Mary’s the best.

  20. Mark Kane says:

    As she lies on the bed, prone, undressed,
    I admire her ass and one breast,
    Then move to resume
    While I’m still in full bloom,
    But she yells out, “Hey give it a rest!”

  21. Steve Benko says:

    Said the sheriff, “You’re under arrest,
    For I’m free at the Donald’s behest.
    We’re Knights of the Grail
    Putting wetbacks in jail
    And we won’t be deterred in our quest.”

  22. Marty Gerendasy says:

    At the start he was only a pest
    ‘Til the time that he fondled her breast.
    She said “that’s quite enough,
    I’m not taking that stuff.”
    And she had placed under arrest.

  23. Marty Gerendasy says:

    She was known as the Queen of the West.
    Lots of men she would put to the test.
    She could get any guy
    To zip open his fly,
    And she never would stop for a rest!

  24. Marty Gerendasy says:

    CORRECTED VERSION:

    At the start he was only a pest
    ‘Til the time that he fondled her breast.
    She said “that’s quite enough,
    I’m not taking that stuff.”
    And she had him placed under arrest.

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    I’ve Trump fatigue, I need a rest,
    I’m exhausted, gone way beyond stressed.
    He’s one big disaster,
    A cruelty master.
    Can’t talk of this- getting depressed!

  26. Judith H. Block says:

    He’s dead now, in peace may he rest.
    At ninety years, who would have guessed!
    Hot sex did him in,
    He died with a grin.
    The young guys are surely impressed.

  27. Judith H. Block says:

    “Young lady, you’re under arrest!
    Though lovely, you can’t show your breast.
    I am the police,
    You’re disturbing the peace.
    Though I must say, I am quite impressed.”

  28. Judith H. Block says:

    The gal just would not take a rest,
    This lover was surely the best,
    But she needed a break
    It was all she could take.
    “I’m really quite sore”, she confessed.

  29. Judith H. Block says:

    Every deed, every word he expressed,
    With this guy, one was truly impressed.
    He was really a prize,
    And not just his size,
    Head and shoulders above all the rest.

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    Ode to a Rose

    “A rose is a rose is a rose …”
    I was proud of my ode – grandiose! –
    Till I found the first line
    Had been penned by G. Stein,
    So I’m guilty of theft, I suppose.

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    They laid Donald Trump to his rest
    In his golfing attire, washed and pressed.
    But he jumped up. “Hey, folks,
    My death was a hoax –
    Fake news, just a journalist’s jest!”

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    “Ten commandments on stone! What a pain!
    My back is on fire again!
    Though thy name shall be blest,
    Could you give me a rest?”
    “Shut the fuck up! THOU SHALT NOT COMPLAIN!”

  33. Marty Gerendasy says:

    There once was a young guy named Milt
    Who enjoyed living life to the hilt.
    Got a nice girl in trouble
    And cut out on the double.
    He would never admit to his guilt.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    After work I try to rest
    My job leaves me very stressed
    I try to please
    And sometimes tease
    I’m a “call girl” (You might have guessed)

  35. Tim James says:

    Miss Temple’s films sure weren’t the best,
    Though she said they outranked all the rest.
    “They were fun, sweet and warm,
    And the art’s highest form!”
    So I said to her, “Shirley, you jest.”

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    Ivanka attempted to wrest
    His hand from her pussy. He pressed.
    As she squirmed and she wriggled,
    The President giggled:
    “Quit faking! Your Daddy’s the best.”

  37. Kirk Miller says:

    At the chance for a nap I am leaping;
    Into dreamland I’ll soon be creeping.
    As my friends will attest,
    I get plenty of rest.
    I just never get tired of sleeping.

  38. Kirk Miller says:

    Vegetarian students attest
    They like history more than the rest.
    And if you are wise,
    You’ll likely surmise
    They like Bacon’s Rebellion the best.

  39. Kirk Miller says:

    When the judge stroked his dick out of view
    From the lawyers, it steadily grew.
    The judge stroked with fury.
    “Not guilty,” said jury.
    The defendant got off; the judge, too.

  40. colonialist says:

    Guilty as Charged:

    I think now, your honour, ‘tis best
    My case on accused now I rest;
    Arrest he resisted;
    His wrest was ham-fisted
    When grabbing back where he confessed.

  41. Kirk Miller says:

    A gold-plating org’nization
    Was thought guilty by implication.
    They had friends who were crooks,
    Which drew questioning looks.
    It was gilt by association.

  42. Kay Davies says:

    Madeleine…many Canadians, like me, are concerned that Trump will push North Korea so hard that it will send a bomb in response, and that Canada, as well as the US, will suffer.

    My first attempt at a limerick after a long hiatus…I might manage more, who knows? So…

    Of limericks, mine aren’t the best
    But I know I just cannot rest
    I don’t want to see a
    Bomb from North Korea…
    This Trump-fear is fouling my nest

  43. Judith H. Block says:

    Was frustrated as she tried to wrest
    His cock out of his pants, she was stressed.
    His erection got caught,
    Which made her distraught.
    When she got it, he had decompressed.

  44. Sharon Neeman says:

    Said the cat to the writer hard-pressed:
    “Who works harder? I have the best test:
    I keep chasing my mouse
    All around the damn house,
    While yours stays on its pad, safe at rest.”

  45. Sharon Neeman says:

    This heat wave is making me wilt!
    There’s a new ice cream parlor they’ve built —
    But I mustn’t do that,
    Or I’ll really feel fat
    And quite overpowered by guilt.

  46. David Reddekopp says:

    No matter the topic addressed
    He brazenly boasts he’s the best
    But he should keep quiet
    What moron would buy it?
    Oh Donald, please give it a rest!

    On this man the Republicans doted
    And he won, though for him fewer voted
    The new White House resident –
    A fraud for a president –
    Just lies; he’s not “always misquoted”.

    Here’s a problem – his past is quite checkered
    To any who research his record
    They will soon understand
    He’s a con artist, and
    From the size of his hands, he’s small-peckered.

  47. Brian Allgar says:

    (I’m sneaking this one in on the grounds that (d)ressed is almost a homophone)

    His tailor asked which side he dressed.
    Donald told him, “Ya know I detest
    Both the left and the middle,
    So even to piddle,
    I reckon alt-right would be best.”

  48. Brian Allgar says:

    He crept out at night to molest
    Pretty women – the young ones were best.
    But the Vice Squad stopped by,
    And they handcuffed the guy.
    It’s their Captain who’s under arrest.

  49. Sharon Neeman says:

    Petrov — who, when put to the test,
    Proved inaction is sometimes the best —
    Averted world war,
    Then lived thirty-four
    More years… and has gone to his rest.

    Stanislav Yevgrafovich Petrov — born September 9, 1939; died May 19, 2017; death revealed, September 18, 2017 — was a lieutenant colonel of the Soviet Air Defense Forces, who became known as “the man who single-handedly saved the world from nuclear war” for his role in the 1983 Soviet nuclear false alarm incident.

  50. Fred Bortz says:

    He had to admit it when pressed.
    He envied his lover’s full breast.
    They’d watch Rocky Horror;
    He couldn’t ignore her.
    “She’s sweeter than all of the rest.”

  51. David Reddekopp says:

    A Scotsman who hiked up his kilt
    Was buried in up to the hilt
    He said there had been assent
    And claimed to be innocent
    To cover his obvious guilt

    See, screwing in public was his charge
    And he had no answer for this charge
    Said the cops, “It is best
    That you’re under arrest.”
    And they whisked him away without discharge.

  52. Neil Hood says:

    As with most relations I wrest
    With the situation thought best
    If one fondles a relation
    And feels stimulation
    It’s all in the family, incest

  53. Sally Franz says:

    Maybe the trick that is best
    Is to put myself under arrest
    Off to jail I will flee
    No cell or TV
    No Trump’s tweets, I can finally rest.

  54. I wish I could take a brief rest
    from the nutty right-wing. I so stressed
    By their devious schemes
    And contrivance extremes
    Their arousal must be detumesced.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    The cop said “You’re under arrest;
    You failed the sobriety test.”
    She replied “That’s not right,
    We weren’t drinking tonight;
    Just brownies…and they were the BEST!”

  56. Sharon Neeman says:

    “In… a… BAR?!” the conductor expressed
    Consternation. The cellist confessed:
    “I’m just SO tired today —
    And I did hear you say,
    ‘At the end of the bar, there’s a rest.'”

  57. Fred Bortz says:

    Deniers, please give it a rest.
    The facts are the ultimate test.
    First Harvey then Irma
    Submerged terra firma.
    And next it’s Maria’s flood crest.

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    Jenna’s a cop in Centralia,
    Who loves her official regalia.
    Committing a crime
    For the very first time,
    You don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.

  59. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Are you sure it’s OK? I’m so stressed,”
    Murmured Tom as they kissed and caressed.
    “Don’t feel guilty,” said James;
    “Mad likes homophone games —
    So come here, dear; let’s show her our best!”

  60. Chris Gross says:

    When Hungarian roach came to rest,
    They all knew that the unwanted guest,
    Was about to be killed
    By exterminator skilled
    With big shoe, that was billed:”Boot-a-Pest”.

  61. Mike Moulton says:

    Two aggies out walking a breast,
    Got tired but just wouldn’t rest,
    They walked it all day,
    Thinking that the best way,
    To pass their anatomy test.

  62. Bob Leggett says:

    For my dotage I tried to invest
    Using shares and compound interest
    But financial hard times
    Left just nickels and dimes
    Although change is as good as rest

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    Regarding “Pharma Bro” Martin Shkreli:

    After jacking the price of a pill,
    Now Shkreli can have a new thrill.
    In his cell, as of late,
    Maybe dwell with a mate
    Who’s seeking someone to fulfill.

  64. Byron Miller/aka Errol Nimbly says:

    When he puts his binocs to the test,
    Mr Thomas can peep with the best.
    While concealing his boners,
    This deviant loner’s
    Adept at evading arrest.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    In my bedroom, I was getting undressed
    However, I sensed a certain unrest
    The tree trimmer was peeking
    And indisputably sneaking
    A glance at my voluptuous, ample breast

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the Citizen’s Bank I was very depressed
    You might even say, exceedingly stressed
    I was overdrawn
    They called me a “con”
    Then the cops came and made a citizen’s arrest

  67. Val Fish says:

    A wedding I have to attend
    My guilt’s driving me round the bend
    The groom to be’s
    Been shagging me
    Now he’s marrying my best friend

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    “Hellooo” he said, cupping her breast;
    “As a hottie, you’re passing the test.”
    Her handbag revealed
    An officer’s shield;
    And Trump was placed under arrest.

  69. Ken Gosse says:

    I posted a limerick as soon as Mad announced her Limerick-Offs had returned, but this came to mind today. I don’t know why it was hiding. Maybe just ‘fraid.
    We’re Baaack ~
    Feeling guilty because I delayed
    My return to the challenge that’s laid.
    I’d have played in good time
    But frayed nerves and strayed rhyme
    Meant the words that I brayed might be staid.

  70. Fred Bortz says:

    In the sporran’s where he hid the loot,
    A goblet, gold plated–a beaut!
    But his kilt came unsealed
    And his guilt was revealed.
    Or was it his gilt? (The point’s moot.)

  71. Byron Miller/aka Errol Nimbly says:

    Hey Lisa….

    While giving her treetops a trim,
    On her sundeck, I noticed a limb.
    Then my eye came to rest
    On her ample left breast
    And a knee up revealing her quim.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    In my bedroom I was getting undressed
    BUT I sensed a certain unrest
    The tree trimmer was peeking
    And indisputably sneaking
    A glance at my ample breast

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can never get a good night’s rest
    Because I’m so very depressed
    The man who I wed
    Is right there in my bed
    But refuses to get undressed

  74. stephen whitred says:

    Some people are weak, some are good
    Some do chores in the order they should
    Some give in to the yen
    To put paper to pen
    When they ought to be bucking up wood

  75. stephen whitred says:

    Poor ol’ Donald, he’s feeling distressed
    To remain out of jail is his quest
    But he’s harried by laws
    Like th’ emoluments clause
    Could it be that he’s due for a rest?

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    When texting while driving, you might
    Observe an unfortunate sight.
    A car in the mirror
    Gets closer and clearer
    Then flashes its red and blue light.

  77. Jane Hoffman says:

    Early home I surprised husband Milt.

    I could tell right away he felt guilt.
    Although he sure tried
    He just couldn’t hide
    That curvaceous lump under the quilt.

  78. Judith H. Block says:

    He shocked her and innocence, took.
    Her virtue, his vile action shook.
    The guy’s guilty as charged,
    His member enlarged!
    She’s human, she just had to look.

  79. Sharon Neeman says:

    Drinking cocoa and petting the cat,
    Hearing Bach and crocheting a hat,
    When it’s rainy and chill
    And the boss thinks you’re ill —
    What a great guilty pleasure is that!

  80. Mark Kane says:

    At wine fests you dare never rest.
    I view them as more like a test.
    Sampling crackers and cheese
    And wines aimed to please,
    I’m focused on finding the best.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ll never forget my sudden arrest
    Because my wife did attest
    That first I groped her
    And then I roped her
    Never mentioning that it was her bequest

  82. Sharon Neeman says:

    Here’s what my new kitten calls play
    In the course of one average day:
    Ate the leaves off a fern
    And tipped over an urn,
    Stepping into a pie on the way;

    Then demolished a model I’d built
    And made sure that my coffee got spilt,
    Knocked my phone to the floor
    And threw up near the door…
    No, cats don’t know the meaning of guilt.

  83. Dave Johnson says:

    Their overnight fling ran its course;
    How it ended, she wouldn’t endorse.
    Awoken alone
    By a text on her phone:
    “I’m guilty of boner’s remorse.”

  84. Susan says:

    The first to kneel down was a test
    And the media dubbed him a pest.
    Now the lines on the field
    Are an unspoken shield
    Against bigotry, hatred, unrest.

  85. Bruce Niedt says:

    As a prez, Donald isn’t the best,
    weekly golf trips put us to the test,
    but he works hard colluding
    and tweeting and brooding –
    one thing he deserves is arrest!

  86. Bruce Niedt says:

    The news anchor was quite distressed –
    she wanted to stand out from the rest.
    She went under the knife;
    now she’s larger than life –
    with the news she now keeps us abreast!

  87. Bruce Niedt says:

    A re-write:

    The anchorwoman’s a little distressed –
    she wants to stand out from the rest.
    She’ll go under the knife
    to be larger than life –
    with the news she will keep us abreast!

  88. Susan says:

    The humor part of limericks is eluding me on this go round.
    Stereotypes have plagued us with each new wave of immigrants. One I remember from my childhood is the “Lazy Mexican.” In Small Town, USA I had no proof to the contrary. It’s not that I believed the stereotype, but there was no reason to disbelieve either.

    The Mexican taking a rest
    A sombrero and chin to his chest
    El hermano is lazy.
    It’s untrue, just plain crazy;
    At physical labor, he’s best.

    That is grossly understating the contribution Mexican-Americans (documented and undocumented) make to this country.

  89. Ryan Tilley says:

    What’s in a Name?

    If you’re searching for coffee with zest,
    Death Wish is the brand that’s the best,
    But beware the recall
    That began in the Fall
    Or it causes your final rest!

  90. Bruce Niedt says:

    Another tweak:

    The anchor’s a little distressed –
    she wants to stand out from the rest.
    She’ll go under the knife
    to be larger than life –
    with the news she will keep us abreast!

  91. Sharon Neeman says:

    The concrete that the new dam was built
    With, was cheapened by gravel and silt —
    But what caused most dismay
    On the day it gave way
    Was the contractor’s absence of guilt:

    “I don’t know why the papers protest,
    When my mentors were really the best —
    From Orange-Haired Belly
    To slick Martin Shkreli;
    “I guess I’m no worse than the rest.”

  92. Val Fish says:

    To the wife I tried to suggest
    ‘A change is as good as a rest’
    A threesome would be
    A nice novelty
    Such a shame she wasn’t impressed

  93. Val Fish says:

    ‘I’m placing you under arrest’
    She said as she slowly undressed
    This groom to be
    Was in ecstasy
    As my cock she deftly caressed

  94. Nate Levin says:

    The health-care attackers won’t rest

    ‘Cuz money is what they know best–

    With his donors on pause

    Mitch will uphold the cause

    Of wrecking what patients have blessed.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought I would finally get some rest
    So I packed my bags and moved out west
    Suddenly, by the sea
    I had a house “of debris”
    During the annual Gourmet Chocolate Fest

  96. Tim James says:

    He’d done more lousy things than he’d ought;
    And he’d laughed, and had never been caught.
    But one sad look from Mum
    Crushed his soul, left him dumb.
    There are worse kinds of guilt than he thought.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is a marital test
    Answer right and then you can rest
    Praise her cooked squirrel
    Hey! give it a whirl
    Her pleasure will be will be gratefully expressed

  98. Charley Simmons says:

    Years ago in a town way out West
    A Sheriff with a star on his vest
    Saw thiefs run from a bank
    But, their dreams of wealth sank
    When he said “boys you’re under arrest.

  99. All alone in the castle he built,
    He fell on his sword to the hilt.
    Tell the world that Kind Midas
    Has finally died as
    He lived — overcome by his gilt.

  100. Oh, Macbeth! Don’t you feel any guilt
    At the ocean of blood you have spilt?
    Said Macbeth, “I do not.
    For you see, I’m a Scot,
    And in Scotland it’s kill or be kilt.”

  101. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Mr. Berle, may I please call you Milt?
    As I’m known for my boldness, not guilt
    I am one of the minors
    (A child of moonshiners)
    Who heard the one-liners you spilt.

    And that’s why my big mouth likes to jest
    I’ve been learning from one of the best
    So my tongue will outlive
    My dense brain (it’s a sieve!)
    Though Mum told me, “Kid, GIVE it a rest!”

  102. Suzanne Heymann says:

    We all know Donald Trump’s a rednecker.
    This fair country – he just tries to wreck ‘er!
    A yuge wall he has built
    In his mind without guilt
    But his dreams will all wilt like his pecker!

    One day soon, you will find he’s belied you
    As he tries to build unrest inside you
    That old cockroach, that pest,
    Is unduly obsessed
    With just doing his best to divide you!

    With a wee tribal cloth for your loin,
    All the hate groups he wants you to join.
    It’s too late to protest
    When both sides (all too stressed)
    See the flipside (the rest) of the coin!

  103. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A comedian who’s genius at jest
    Picked on jerks; never gave it a rest.
    Oh, that good old George Carlin
    Poked fun like a marlin
    The comedy darlin’, the best!

  104. Dave Johnson says:

    Hugh Hefner is lying at rest;
    His legacy I can attest.
    A lascivious smile
    Embodied the style
    Where pleasure, when guilty, is best.

  105. Suzanne Heymann says:

    She had pics of the couple, undressed
    Which her hubby had tried hard to wrest
    His attempts were quite sloppy
    As she had a copy
    The courts liked her soppy tale best!

  106. Diane Groothuis says:

    He just wasn’t passing the test
    Though his passions were reaching a crest
    And when she complained
    His face looked so pained
    That she said it was only in jest.

  107. Diane Groothuis says:

    Edit previous limerick.
    He just wasn’t passing the test
    Though his passions were reaching a crest
    And when she complained
    His face looked most pained
    Causing a fatal arrest.

  108. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In response to Dave Johnson:

    Well, they tried to embalm him, but still
    A body part had its own will.
    Now, if you have to ask it,
    They just couldn’t mask it,
    Nor close that damn casket, until…

    A solution they sought for a while
    And they first tried a saw, then a file
    Then some acid, a drill
    But a bomb fit the bill
    After all that, he still wore a smile!

  109. Dave Johnson says:

    Back to Suzanne:

    His secret – well, not very much,
    Involved a prescription and such.
    That little blue pill
    Would allow him to still
    Make a stand in The Great Bunny Hutch.

  110. Dave Johnson says:

    Re: my posting above:

    My choice of words wasn’t the best;
    A failure of Madeleine’s test.
    I’m trying to fix
    What was lost in the mix;
    Plead guilty and all of the rest.

  111. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave:

    Don’t you worry, Dave, don’t be too stressed
    You have made up for that which you messed.
    I believe you’re excused
    ‘Cause the “guilt” theme, you fused
    In the line where you used the word, “rest.”

  112. Kay Davies says:

    one day a large wrestler did wrest
    his opponent’s arm from his chest
    what’s this? he cried
    as he threw it aside
    how now will I know if I’m best?

    alas now I feel so much guilt
    for all of the blood I have spilt
    I must make amends
    to all of the friends
    I’ve hurt just for glitter and gilt

    I’ve dismembered too many foes
    In my job that’s just how it goes
    Like a patchwork quilt
    All covered in silt
    Mud and blood right up to my nose

  113. Suzanne Heymann says:

    How I cry over milk that is spilt!
    ‘Cause I just cannot handle the guilt
    So I got me a cat
    To lick up what goes splat
    Brings my confidence back, all rebuilt!

  114. Judith H. Block says:

    His skills were considered the best,
    To that many gals would attest.
    Despite the temptation,
    ‘Twas no penetration.
    You’ll have to imagine the rest.

  115. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over.

    And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Guilt-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 282.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Ahead.

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