It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JESSE FRANKOVICH, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Concentration is what you’ll require
If you’re searing some sirloins with fire
On a towering grill
On the top of a hill,
For the steaks will have never been higher.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special POWER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
That Greedy Old Party in power
Keeps screwing the poor by the hour.
Those cretinous heels
Want to crash Meals on Wheels
So the rich can have more to devour.
Congratulations to MARTY GERENDASY, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
It was dark down at Joe’s Bar and Grill.
Not a sound. It was perfectly still.
Had to kill Happy Hour;
They’d lost all their power.
Must remember to pay that damned bill!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Gross, Brian Allgar, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Kathleen Bartoletti, Jeanine Silverio, Fred Bortz, Kirk Miller, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRILL-Rhyme DIVISION)
You remember the nursery rhyme drill,
When two kids took a stroll up a hill?
Seems that Jack tumbled down
And broke off his new crown,
After Jill got all up in his grill.
“As a chef, I am great!” was his boast.
“I can cook the books better than most.
Though I don’t have the skill
To put bread on the grill,
I can turn the whole country to toast.”
No, I’m not being rude, Auntie Jill.
Yes, you are a good driver… but still,
If you must hit a cop,
You’d be wiser to stop
Displaying his pants on your grille!
A man at the town bar and grill
Ate and drank with abandon until
He took note of his weight.
Then he planned his estate,
Proving where there’s a weigh there’s a will.
The whale, a baleen, had a grille
To filter the plankton and krill,
But she ran out of luck
The day Jonah got stuck
And she just couldn’t swallow the pill.
The scene: a spring day, warm and still;
Two lovers, and meat on the grill;
Just as things start to sizzle,
Rain starts with a drizzle
And fizzles their afternoon thrill.
Come over! There’s steak on the grill,
And beer and martinis. Come chill!
One catch: our discussion
Can NOT mention “Russian,”
“The travel ban,” “golf” or “The Bill.”
Never felt I was over the hill
(Though I’m bald and lost most of my grill),
Up until summer break
When I barbecued steak;
Now it’s fall and I’m gumming it still.
Fred Bortz’s Patio Store Confidential
Hissed the barbecue spit, “Please be still,
Or you’ll never grow up as a grill!
The humans can’t know
That at night, we all glow.”
The hibachi responded, “I will!”
From the pool section came a reply.
“I’ll protect her. Lord knows, I will try.
She brings me such joy,
Because I am a buoy
Who loves grills. That I cannot deny.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (POWER-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
He had finally got her alone
When the power went out. With a moan,
He discovered that night
She was quite a delight —
For his circuits weren’t all that got blown.
A snow storm left people without
Any power, so folks are no doubt
Neither cheered nor consoled
When it’s bitterly cold
Hearing: “Have an ice day and chill out.”
The power of FAUX News upset her.
(You’ll notice there’s one extra letter.)
And yes, I agree
There should only be three;
Removing the “A” makes it better.
In this dark and, yes, desperate hour,
Looking up at the lights of Trump Tower,
I remember with dread
What George Orwell once said:
“The object of power is power.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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