Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Buy/Bye/By/Bi at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Buy/Bye/By/Bi at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Clumsiness, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Clumsiness-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 16, 2017 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 15, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here are my TWO limericks:

We are trying to find a good buy
On a car, and we’re desperate. Why?
Cuz our Camry was drowned,
And drenched engines (we’ve found)
Don’t rebound but, instead, fry and die.


A cute-looking man sauntered by,
Spun around and returned, saying “hi.”
Then he lured me with lore,
Stories hard to ignore,
And I ended up wed to the guy.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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96 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Buy/Bye/By/Bi at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    The best Congress that money can buy,
    Led by Ryan, a helluva guy,
    Tried to kill A.C.A.
    But too many said “nay”
    ‘Cause they just couldn’t see eye to eye.

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    My very first date was a klutz!
    He would fidget and fumble and futz,
    And while walking and joking
    Where people were smoking,
    He’d always bump into their butts.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    They sneered when I said I would buy
    A fat pig, and then teach it to fly.
    “Are you crazy?” they laughed,
    “Pigs with wings? Are you daft?”
    I pointed to Trump, flying high.

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo was learning to fly,
    And he thought she was ready to try.
    “Take my joystick”, he said,
    So she knelt to give head;
    As she went down, they went down … Goodbye!

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    “Well, thank you,” she said with a sigh.
    “It wasn’t too bad for a guy,
    But my dear friend Loretta
    Can do it much better –
    I’m seeing her soon, bi and bi.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    “Okay, girls, you’ve been warned – here he comes!
    Get protecting your pussies and bums.
    He’s a ham-handed fool,
    But he’s starting to drool,
    And you know he’s all fingers and thumbs.”

  7. Val Fish says:

    A woman was dating three guys
    Feeding each a tissue of lies
    She promised to marry
    Tom Dick and Harry
    Then ‘turned’ and eloped with a ‘bi’

  8. Jesse Levy says:

    According to my dear old Mumsy
    I’m nothing if not very clumsy
    I fell down. Now, blast!
    My leg’s in a cast
    For I just cannot walk and chew gum, see?

  9. Frank Hubeny says:

    She has hair from her head to her toes
    Since it’s cold with Siberian snows.
    Should I go out and buy
    Her a ring she’d ask “Why?”
    Proof of love is what warms her and glows.

  10. Chris Gross says:

    Queer cross-dresser let out a big sigh;
    Census Form asked THIS question, but why?
    After thinking a sec,
    These three boxes were checked:
    “Lesbian”, “Gay”, “Transgender”; not “Bi”

  11. Chris Gross says:

    In the clumsy category:

    Got to “third base”, but kept his control;
    After all, this first date’s on a roll!
    But his digit smelled funny,
    Just like shit, not like honey.
    Guess that he must’ve fingered wrong hole.

  12. Joel Kravitz says:

    The Republican agenda’s not new.
    It’s what they’ve always been trying to do.
    But as hard as they try
    American won’t buy…
    Freedom and Justice for few!

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    Disappear, Donald Trump! Go! Bye bye!
    We need you to leave! Hear our cry!
    What you do does appall;
    We don’t want your damned wall!
    Protecting you’s draining us dry.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m upset so I shop and I buy!
    Not great to do, I can’t deny.
    I have no more room,
    Need to stop, I assume.
    Oh, look! What a lovely tie-dye!

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    The best government money can buy..
    Corporate profits! So what, people die.
    Their policies appall;
    Our rights in a downfall.
    We need a huge, public outcry.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    Like a bull in a large china shop,
    Most things he’d bump into or drop.
    He sometimes would fall,
    A boozy screwball!
    He knew that his drinking must stop.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    There are certain things money can’t buy.
    Like good character-don’t even try.
    The Donald’s a disgrace,
    He makes his own case.
    Just a thin-skinned, bully, tough guy.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    Advice from the President

    “I’m so great! If you wanna know why,
    There’s a book that you really should buy.
    It’s ‘The Art of the Deal’,
    How to cheat and to steal –
    If you’re found out, just lie, lie and lie.”

  19. Marty Gerendasy says:

    There was a young lady named Vi
    Who was proudly and openly bi.
    So she wasn’t upset
    When the man that she met
    Said that he wasn’t really a guy.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    There once was a hot, selfish guy,
    Who was known for his bang and good-bye.
    It was a “slam/bam”,
    A quick, “thank you, Ma’m!’
    And then, “What just happened?”, she’d cry.

  21. Marty Gerendasy says:

    How I wish I could walk without stumbling
    Or to work with my hands without fumbling.
    Tired of being a klutz.
    It’s just driving me nuts.
    And it’s really incredibly humbling.

  22. Frank Hubeny says:

    My hot coffee spilled over her lap.
    My sad face didn’t miss her sharp slap
    And my brain felt like rain
    Without rivers to drain.
    Without coffee my mind tripped the trap.

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    Coloradans are able to buy
    Marijuana. They hope the supply
    Is enough for the folks
    Who enjoy many tokes.
    Marijuana support is real high.

    Colorado’s new pot law is why
    Many potheads will go out and buy
    Lots of snacks. They’ll deplete
    Shelves of candy that’s sweet.
    M&Ms stock is now flying high.

  24. Kirk Miller says:

    At the slaughterhouse, man had a wry
    Sense of humor. Whenever he’d buy
    Any donkeys, the guy
    Hung up mistletoe. Why?
    He’d say, “Folks, kiss your asses goodbye.”

  25. Kirk Miller says:

    Played Luke Skywalker tennis. The guy
    Was real good. As each volley whizzed by,
    I would give it a whack;
    Never did hit it back.
    Couldn’t beat the Return of the Jedi.

  26. Jeanine Silverio says:

    She said with a sad heartfelt sigh:
    “I just have to ask ‘Are you bi?'”
    I took in those lips
    And incredible hips
    And I told her, “You’ve just turned me ‘try.'”

  27. Jeanine Silverio says:

    I’m sorry, I should have proofed before posting…but would you mind adding the ‘ before the close quotation mark and changing “tri” to “try”?

    From MBK I made your two changes. But I’m wondering if you should have quotes around ‘try’ for clarity.

  28. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Once I ran for the trolley downtown,
    I tripped, ending up on the ground
    I rolled several feet
    On that cold crowded street
    And someone yelled loudly, “Touchdown!”

    *fyi: true story (minus “touchdown” lol

  29. Jeanine Silverio says:

    I think you’re right about “try.” If you wouldn’t mind changing it? Thanks so much…! xoxoxoxo

    From MBK: Done.

  30. Sharon Neeman says:

    What an absolute creep of a guy!
    You cheat, you get caught and you lie —
    And when I move out,
    You spread it about
    That I’m miffed ’cause I found out you’re bi?!

  31. Sharon Neeman says:

    My co-worker’s really a dick!
    He **said** he was calling in sick —
    But he phoned from the train
    On the way to the plane…
    What a clumsy, ridiculous trick!


    The babies come in and wave Bye Bye
    Realize where they are and start to cry
    There’s Dr. Shot !!
    It hurts a lot !!
    I don’t want that needle right in my thigh!


    I went to the hospital and got a new hip
    The very next day I had a bad slip
    My husband left me for a girl named Leigh
    He fell in love with her brand new knee

  34. There once was a man from Dubai
    Who gave Kama Sutra a try
    With creative coitions
    And parlous positions
    He managed to poke out an eye.

  35. Lea Anonymous says:

    I stumbled upon a great guy,
    And jew’lry he would always buy.
    But, alas, he was shady,
    He had another lady,
    So I happily said goodbye.

  36. Jesse Frankovich says:

    When the love of my life said goodbye,
    For a while I did little but cry.
    Then I longed for a do
    With a new style and hue—
    I just wanted to curl up and dye.

  37. The American Dream: To achieve it
    You must work very hard to receive it
    They deliver this lie
    With a brief lullaby
    For you must be asleep to believe it.

  38. Sharon Neeman says:

    I slipped when I went to unscrew
    The lightbulb; my hands were wet, too;
    So the jolt from the socket
    Blew my phone from my pocket
    And landed it — splash! — in the loo.

  39. I went on “Match” to meet a guy
    He seemed quite nice, a little shy
    We went to meet his mother
    I need to find another
    Adios, au revoir, and goodbye

  40. Kirk Miller says:

    Clumsiness limericks:

    The table saw use had demanded
    A skill that he hadn’t commanded.
    When he goofed, the result
    Was he didn’t exult.
    The accident left him short-handed.

    His skill with the saw wasn’t grand.
    The cutting did not go as planned.
    The tragedy lingers,
    But he crossed his fingers,
    And now he is great at shorthand.

    The accident was a humdinger.
    Not long at the saw did he linger.
    Didn’t want to converse
    With the mean E.R. nurse.
    Instead, he just gave her the finger.

    When the pain in his fingers expanded,
    In much agony man was then stranded.
    When the treatment had ceased,
    The doc said, “Well at least
    You will not go away empty-handed.”

    As he lay back at home in his bed,
    Doctor’s wit seemed to ring in his head.
    In the morn, he awoke
    And recalled surgeon’s joke:
    “I will keep you in stitches,” he said.

    The man whined to his buddy named Greg,
    Who replied, “I’m afraid I must beg
    To differ. ‘Twas bad,
    But you should be glad
    It did not cost an arm and a leg.

    In rehab he now will embark.
    It won’t be a walk in the park.
    All his friends were quite nice
    ‘Cause they took wife’s advice:
    Please don’t make a cutting remark.

    Finger damage is bad, and now we’ll
    Have to wait for some rehab until
    We’ll know whether or not
    His bad fingers are shot,
    If he must finger out a new skill.

  41. Sharon Neeman says:

    My love said “I just don’t know why
    You think a new dress you must buy;
    Try the costume of Eve!”
    …I don’t really believe
    That my figure allows me to try…

  42. Jesse Frankovich says:

    There are more than a few reasons why
    You should read the fine print ere you buy:
    Must be present to win,
    Avoid contact with skin,
    And, of course, some restrictions apply.

  43. I thought I felt a push
    Then fell right on my tush
    I carefully got back up
    Then fell on my Shana Cup
    Down again I went
    Now my arms were bent
    I fell on my belly
    And broke a jar of jelly
    Never again will I frequent Manny’s Kosher Deli

  44. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I had stopped ‘cause this gal caught my eye.
    When I hit on her, she wasn’t shy.
    “Shall we call my friend Rudy?
    He would love your tight booty.”
    But I chose to keep passing on bi.

  45. You idiot! WatchI’m a klutz. But I’m truly contrite, where you’re going!
    I believe an apoSo I’ll hide on this Limerick site.logy’s owing,
    You oaf. You’ve Since the writers are agile, reversed
    Into where I verAnd nothing here’s fragilesed first…
    Now this limeriI can’t damage anything — right?ck’s wrecked, and needs towing.

  46. Boy, am I old

    I went with a happy sigh
    To the music store to buy
    A Johnny Mathis tape
    Called “Dream and Escape”
    “Chances Are”….we don’t have it too da loo and goodbye

  47. Jesse Frankovich says:

    Kicked a table and let out a yell;
    Lost my balance and awkwardly fell.
    Unaware it was there,
    Thumped my head on a chair.
    Zapped myself with a taser, as well!

  48. I went with a very happy sigh
    To the music store to try and buy
    A Johnny Mathis tape
    Called “Dream and Escape’
    “CHANCES ARE, Mam, we cannot comply


    From MBK: I fixed it for you.

  50. I went on Match to meet a guy
    He seemed quite nice; a little shy
    We went to meet his mother
    I need to find another
    Adios, au revior, and a final good bye

  51. Byron Ives says:

    His new neighbor, Ted, made him sigh
    So he figured he’d give it a try
    He gave Ted the stare,
    Which got him nowhere
    Ted was close, but wasn’t near bi

  52. He was awkward, and trembled with fear
    As he tried to unhook her brassiere.
    Soon her straps got so mangled
    And twisted and tangled
    They’d baffle a trained engineer.

    He wrestled and pulled, but his fits
    Just further entangled his mitts.
    So she fought him, and struck him…
    But though she’s unstuck him,
    I fear he’s rotated her tits.

  53. Sharon Neeman says:


    I’m flying tonight! Going places!
    But now, I must just pack my cases.
    Let’s see how this goes…
    Dropped the {bleep} on my toes
    And brought laughter to everyone’s faces!!

  54. Sharon Neeman says:

    Comment on the last one. I wrote:

    Dropped the [left pointed bracket] bleep [right pointed bracket] on my toes

    but that whole word (“bleep”) was erased by your software. Can you put it in, in either pointed or regular brackets? Thanks!

    From MBK: Done.

  55. Kay Davies says:

    DECISIONS, DECISIONS, Kay Davies and Richard Schear

    I just don’t know what to buy
    A cake or a blueberry pie
    I just can’t decide
    So I’ll go inside
    And maybe the both I will try.

  56. Kay Davies says:


    My husband and I came up with this while trying to teach our new dog some sofa manners…a little bit of limerick, a little bit of “No, not there!” and back to a little bit more limerick.

  57. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    There once was a charmer named Ed
    Who could get any babe into bed.
    Was he accident-prone
    With these chicks he would bone?
    ‘Cause I heard he kept knocking ‘em dead.

  58. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    At the airport, I’m waiting to fly
    When a cute looking pilot walks by;
    Me: “I see you’ve got wings!”
    He: “And other nice things —
    But I’m off now to Spain, so good bye!”

  59. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    No matter how hard I try
    I can’t seem to meet the right guy;
    Som other girl it seems
    Grabbed the man of my dreams,
    Or else he converted to Bi.

  60. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    He said “My throat’s going dry,
    Come on, Kathy, It’s your turn to buy;”
    But while quaffing his Bud
    He fell down in the mud,
    So I toasted, “Here’s mud in your eye!”

  61. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    As sunset fills the Florida sky,
    Weary Mum sings a soft lullaby;
    She is soon overcome
    By her own soothing hum —
    Till the baby falls off the lanai.

  62. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    I attempted to make a cream pie
    With the best chocolate money could buy;
    Something went very wrong,
    Did I bake it too long?
    As a dessert, it was desert dry.

  63. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    When shopping on Amazon I
    Often cannot decide what to buy;
    This in blue? That in red?
    Oh, my poor aching head!
    Just buy all and then hoard the supply!

  64. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Hi, Mad,
    In my limerick about the cream pie, there is a “But” that should not be there in the third line. Would you please remove it?

    From MBK: Done.

  65. Byron Ives says:

    Of her dressmaking skills she had doubt.
    “I sew like an oaf!” she would pout.
    Her hubby said, “Chill,
    It’s a cheap piece of twill,
    And nothing worth hemming about.”

  66. Our politicians are in oversupply
    And parliament’s both a creche and a sty;
    But we should be quite proud
    Of our political crowd—
    They’re the best that money can buy.

  67. The rich don’t believe, when they die,
    That a camel could pass through the eye
    Of a needle before
    They would cross Heaven’s door:
    They believe in the “Sweet Buy and Buy”.

  68. Fred Bortz says:

    He’ll sleep with a gal or a guy,
    And he’ll pay to escape when they try
    His case in the court,
    Saying “Judge, be a sport.
    Let this guy who is bi buy a bye.”

  69. Fred Bortz says:

    He displays two left feet in a dance.
    And in sports, can he win? Not a chance!
    So it’s sure when he’s skating,
    He’s oft contemplating
    The stain on the seat of his pants.

  70. Mine’s here:


    Thanks for another great prompt!

  71. So, Nurse: are you wondering why
    A newborn like me needs to cry?
    Read this tag: how could I be
    Named “Baby Boy Bybee”?!
    (Sing: lullaby, bye, baby bye.)

  72. I had to put this limerick up externally, because there was no way I could get the formatting to work properly otherwise:


    From MBK: Very clever! I certainly understand why you had to post it externally! Thanks!

  73. Byron Ives says:

    You’re pregnant again? Shazzam!
    You’re sexually clumsy, madame!
    To turn back the seed,
    Oh my God, do I need
    To draw you a diaphragm?

  74. Byron Ives says:

    Monotonous: my Uncle Spence
    A gloater without much pretense
    Overbearing, not shy
    I can’t abide by
    The banal of my existence

  75. Tim James says:

    A Christian’s Lament

    I think that I’ll now say goodbye
    To my boss, who’s a miserable guy.
    All my colleagues at work
    Said “Shove off!” to this jerk.
    And the name of the dude? William Bligh.

  76. Ted Hayes says:

    He’s mighty and rich, so pompously high,
    and rules just seem not to apply.
    But though he’s no Ron,
    Don still has the ‘con’,
    so what makes me think “Sweet By and By”?

  77. Tim James says:

    An airline showed clumsy PR
    And their customer service? Bizarre.
    If you’re not in first class
    They just might kick your ass.
    If you’re not into pain, go by car.

  78. Byron Ives says:

    She shudders, dressed only in skorts
    He’s freezing, and visibly snorts
    Embracing, they quiver
    They rub and they shiver
    And he’s only come in his shorts

  79. I met a nice good natured guy
    Who seemed quite nice, (a little shy)
    When I smelled his breath
    It was a fate worse than death
    I told him “I’ll see you on the bi and bi”

  80. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Running out of bumwipe ain’t a plan
    While you’re dropping your load in the can
    You will prob’ly get by
    If you just let it dry
    It takes time, so don’t cry; be a man!

  81. Suzanne Heymann says:

    True story:

    Though from scratch, I love making a pie
    It is not really worthwhile to buy
    Takes an hour to do
    With ingredients, too
    Final price is, for you, much too high.

    (so I give them for nothing, that’s why)

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Can somebody please tell me why
    Almost all men hate having to buy?
    What the guys find appalling
    The gals find enthralling
    A trip to the mall makes them high!

  83. Suzanne Heymann says:

    At the airport, she started to cry
    And there wasn’t a tissue nearby
    As her soul’s only mate
    Slowly walked through the gate
    She would stay there and wait till he’d fly.

    A pool of tears filled up each eye
    As she watched the plane take to the sky
    She turned ’round all distraught
    Gave up love on the spot
    And she knew she would not even try.

    She went back to her car with a sigh
    Dropped her keys, and the curses would fly
    But that soon had to change
    As she saw, within range,
    Them retrieved by a stranger nearby.

    She looked up and she thought she would die
    He came back, yes, her very own guy!
    And that’s suddenly when
    He embraced her and then
    Said, “I’ll never again say goodbye!”

  84. Suzanne Heymann says:

    High heels and steep stairs are a worry
    Especially when in a hurry
    You may end up instead
    In a hospital bed
    And the eyes in your head will go blurry.

  85. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As soon as she met with her date
    She regretted, but it was too late
    So she cooked up a plan
    Just to turn off that man
    Till he’d run where his van would await.

    She’d make sure she was queen of the klutz
    She’d chew loudly, then belch from her guts
    She would promptly pass gas
    Then spill wine from her glass
    Till the wine reached his ass and his nuts.

    Tripping on her own feet, she did best
    Then she’d fall till her hair was all messed
    I say, what a great job
    She had done as a slob
    As she sneezed a green blob on his chest.

    Then she told him, “You’re in for a treat!”
    As she picked her nose. Isn’t that sweet?
    If that wasn’t enough
    She’d start eating the stuff
    Doing that was a tough kind of feat.

    “You’re the girl of my dreams! Kinda clumsy
    Do come visit my Pops and my Mumsy!
    We are hillbillies, too
    And my folks would love you
    ‘Cause you’re bumsy, it’s true, and quite dumbsy.”

    She excused herself, ran to the loo
    Where a shit failure soon would ensue
    So although she had sinned
    She refused to be pinned
    Well then, out through the window she flew!

  86. Sharon Neeman says:

    Another true story, combining both categories:

    My brother’s new kitten’s too sly —
    Tripped me up as she scampered on by!
    Banged my knee and my wrist
    And got royally pissed.
    Laughed my niece: “Oh, you’ve learned how to fly!”

  87. Nate Levin says:

    How clumsy of Putin to buy
    That the Donald’s the type of a guy
    Who means what he says–
    He’s the *runaway* prez–
    Never listen! And *never* rely!

  88. Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly says:

    It no longer is fun in July
    To watch girls in bikinis go by.
    When I gaze at a rump,
    I’m reminded of Trump,
    And my red-blooded glee goes awry.

  89. Brian Allgar says:

    North Korea? I’ve tried to rebuke ’em,
    But nothing I say seems to spook ’em.
    Their fat boy’s called Kim –
    I’ve a Fat Boy for him.
    Ooops! Clumsy me! Did I just nuke ’em?

  90. Byron Ives says:

    There’s danger with Kim, that is true
    One goof and he’ll execute you
    As the years have gone by
    Even brothers would die
    Plus his barber, Yuk Sum Dum Do

  91. Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly says:

    At noon, if you see us drift by,
    In my hot air balloon on the fly,
    I’ll be serving a luncheon.
    It’s quiche we’ll be munchin’.
    We’re eating a pie in the sky.

  92. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you think you are smooth when you bellow
    Just remember, you really are yellow
    You’re a scared, clumsy guy
    You think ‘tough’ gets you by
    You’re a bull-in-a-china-shop fellow!

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    “I’m sorry” she said with a sigh;
    “It’s over – I’ve met a new guy.”
    An unbearable thought
    For a ring he had bought;
    “How could she with such a good buy?”

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    They stumble, then bumble and fumble;
    We grumble their tumble will crumble.
    Can they fix and enforce
    An intelligent course?
    This White House is never so humble.

  95. Judith H. Block says:

    A guy let his chances slip by,
    How quickly his hopes went awry.
    Though the gal was quite eager,
    His odds became meager,
    He just couldn’t unzip his fly.

  96. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Clumsiness-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 275.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Hear.