Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRIENDSHIP, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRIENDSHIP-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 1, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

We’re not buying your bid to conceal
Your role in the heist, so no deal.
You should have been straight.
Now your lies seal your fate.
We can prove you were wielding the wheel.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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124 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I think I’m beginning to feel
    A big bulge that I just can’t conceal.
    Need to give it a whirl,
    But I can’t find a girl,
    So I may have to temper my zeal.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A good friendship is really a pleasure,
    Lots of good times you always will treasure.
    Having someone to care
    And to always be there
    Is a gift that is way beyond measure.

  3. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I thought I was getting a deal
    ‘Cause it had the Good Housekeeping Seal.
    But much to my surprise
    It just came in one size,
    So it suddenly lost its appeal.

    Revised version!

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    All that money she’d hoped to conceal
    No longer seems such a good deal.
    That disquieting heat
    From her head to her feet
    Is the burn that she’s starting to feel.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker tried hard to conceal
    Her disdain at the sight of his “eel”,
    So pathetically small;
    When he said “Take it all”,
    It was more of a snack than a meal.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Rhyme + friendship

    My friend was a lecherous heel,
    But I never believed he would steal
    A girl-friend of mine.
    Well, he did! What a swine!
    So now I’ve a corpse to conceal.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo could barely conceal
    Her surprise when the pastor said “Kneel!
    And now let us pray”,
    For she thought he said “play”,
    And she did so with lip-smacking zeal.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Said my friend, “I’m away for the night;
    Please check that my wife is all right.”
    Well, what are friends for?
    So I knocked on her door,
    And she offered me more than a bite.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Her body’s as sleek as a seal,
    And her smile has a sexy appeal
    That says “Do me right now!”
    I’d be willing, and how!
    … If only the photo were real.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    There once was a deaf Navy Seal
    Who was noted for valor and zeal.
    When they said “Kill Osama”
    He misheard “Kill Obama”,
    But refused. The Republicans squeal.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    She made no attempt to conceal
    Her assets. Made horny guys squeal.
    It wasn’t her plan
    Lured the wrong kind of man
    Their intentions, too quick to reveal.

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    A lustful guy could not conceal
    An erection that was hard as steel.
    So he told each Miss
    “I want more than a kiss-
    At least you see just how I feel!”

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    “As pastor, I cannot conceal
    God’s ecstasy, I will reveal!
    The gateway to Heaven
    Will start at eleven…
    Be prompt and for more than prayer, kneel.”

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    They make no attempt to conceal
    Their scorn for those to whom they appeal.
    The pols think that we’re dumb,
    Maybe right about some.
    Pay attention-see what they reveal.

  15. Suzanne Heymann says:

    She obeys like a dog or trained seal
    Sits beside him when he tells her “Heel!”
    Well if he keeps it up
    She might poison his cup
    Or put laxatives in his next meal.

  16. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As she finished preparing a meal
    Which included potatoes and veal
    Her man disapproved
    When the salad – it moved
    With cockroaches she couldn’t conceal.

  17. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Friends are the family you choose
    When your relatives give you the blues
    You need loyalty, trust
    Kindness, love is a must
    And respect which they’ll never abuse.

  18. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Something fits like a hand in a glove
    When friendship + lust = love
    Just don’t overdo it
    Or you might break through it
    So don’t let the push come to shove.

  19. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The best friends you’ll find on this earth
    Who make you feel you still have worth
    Are your pets; they’re the thing
    That’ll make your heart sing
    All the joy that they bring starts from birth.

    They will lick your sore wounds if you bleed
    Always ready to do a good deed
    Like a gift from above
    Unconditional love
    They give, knowing whatever you need.

    They don’t backstab like human friends can
    Or borrow and crash your sedan
    They don’t mess with your honey
    Or snaffle your money
    Or use you, or lie, scheme or plan.

    There is only one thing that is wrong
    And that is, their lives aren’t that long
    When it’s time for goodbye
    I’ll just sit there and cry
    And allow myself not to be strong.

  20. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Friendship + conceal

    Here’s proof which I cannot conceal
    That DOG as man’s best friend is real
    Now here’s what you do
    Lock the dog and wife too
    In the trunk of your automobile.

    Let two hours pass by, that’s the deal
    And now open the trunk and reveal
    (though I’d NOT want to BE you)
    Who’s happy to see you?
    (If you’re lucky, your marriage will heal.)

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    The thought of his smile made her squeal.
    She loved how his touch made her feel.
    But he broke her heart,
    And so, they must part.
    She nailed down his coffin, to seal.

  22. Bruce Niedt says:

    At Marine Mammal Center I feel
    That my sex life I just should conceal.
    But I went in a panic
    When my auto mechanic
    Said, “Buddy, you just blew a seal!”

  23. Randy Wagner says:

    After lunch, Kenny Rogers could feel
    Nature’s call. The loo wasn’t ideal.
    The foul floor was all slicked
    And he wisecracked, “You picked
    A fine time to leave me, loo’s seal.”

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    His Majesty presses his seal
    On the orders; there’ll be no appeal.
    “Let the axeman begin”,
    He says. “Poor Anne Boleyn
    Will give head for the last time, I feel.”

  25. Thanks for the prompt!

    OK, I am DQ’ed this week, because I came up with several stanzas of AABB verse, rather than a limerick.

    But here it is:

    Overshares and unawares

  26. Randy Wagner says:

    Lois Lane was purported to squeal,
    “Ain’t it grand spandex tights can’t conceal
    My guy’s super-sized bulge
    I’m compelled to indulge
    As it stiffens to manhood of steel.”

  27. Daisy Mae says:

    Take a guess at which Navy Seal
    May still run for POTUS- for real
    If no Trump or no Bern
    Jesse says he’ll take his turn
    At a Ventura Capitol deal

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    Oh Canada, let’s make a deal;
    Forever our friendship we’ll seal.
    It involves a big trade,
    Historically made;
    With each party proclaiming a steal.

    This agreement might raise a big fuss;
    But believe it – for both it’s a plus.
    Two Justins we’ll do;
    Here’s Bieber for you
    And you’re giving Trudeau to us.

  29. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave Johnson:

    Oh USA, time to reveal
    Why we feel that this deal we can’t seal
    Born and raised a Canuck
    Was each Justin (what luck!)
    Then we gifted you Bieber, for real!

    Returning a gift is quite rude
    To trade it shows ingratitude
    Oh can’t you see how
    He is one of you now?
    We don’t want to be part of a feud.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    To Suzanne Heymann:

    Oh Canada, here’s what you lack;
    Justin Bieber we’ll be hauling back.
    In very short order,
    Up there at the border;
    He’ll arrive in a new gunny sack.

  31. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave Johnson:

    Oh USA, sacks don’t conceal
    And Canadian border guards feel
    That you need to be taught
    They’re too smart and will not
    Allow back here that schmaltzy schlemiel.


    John of Patmos sits down to his meal
    Of wild mushrooms. His brain starts to reel:
    He sees angels, with wings,
    Bearing terrible things,
    Each sealed with a magical seal.

    Yes, under each seal is a curse
    For ending the whole Universe.
    The First Seal alone
    Would be bad on its own,
    But each grows progressively worse.

    There’s Jesus, his mouth full o’ swords,
    Obeying each whim of the Lord’s…!
    With God’s Seal Team Seven
    Descending from Heaven,
    The sinners shall perish in hordes.

    The stars tumble out of the skies,
    And misshapen monsters arise.
    The seas turn to blood,
    And the mountains to mud,
    And pretty much ev’ry one dies.

    Devastation is clearing the maps
    As Gabriel comes to play Taps…
    So John writes his tome
    And then sends it to Rome
    (And I’ll bet it was WRITTEN ALL CAPS!!!1!!).


    A lovely young lass named Lucille
    When aroused makes a very loud squeal.
    But we’ve found sixty-nine
    Tends to mute her just fine
    (Which, for me, is one heck of a deal).

  34. @Marty, #1


    I think I’m beginning to feel
    A big bulge that I just can’t conceal…
    For I ran into Marty
    One night at a party,
    And totally fell for his spiel!

  35. yt cai says:

    If zombies were actually real
    My fear would be hard to conceal
    They’re scarier than frowns
    On those perverted clowns
    Because they’ll make you their meal

    From there you will no longer feel
    You’d even munch on Aunt Lucille
    And it also won’t hurt
    To have Sis for desert
    But if I’m lucky there’s Jessica Beal

    In the end, though, my fate they’ll seal
    A bullet to the head is not a big deal
    Take me away in a hearse
    You know it could be worse
    They could make me read my own spiel

  36. yt cai says:

    A childhood friend, back where I’m from
    Turned out to be nothing more than scum
    He slipped my wife his log
    While there petting my dog
    Now it’s sharks who are calling him chum

  37. Randy Wagner says:

    Suspicious of his fiancée,
    My friend dreaded his time spent away.
    He asked me, “Old pal,
    Please look after my gal.”
    Which I did, with great glee, night and day.

    Upon his return, he inquired
    Why I seemed so fullfilled yet so tired.
    I answered, “My friend,
    You can always depend
    On your buddy to do what’s required.”

    This cuckold is now worry-free
    And leaves all her minding to me.
    They had a white wedding
    Yet still I am bedding
    His bride altruistically.

  38. Randy Wagner says:

    To Will T. Laughlin:


    Quite gassy, our darling Lucille
    Found flatulence hard to conceal
    And while she blew Otto
    Her toot obligato
    Created a sweet fartenspiel.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    To Suzanne Heymann:

    Oh Canada, please don’t refuse
    This offer; our friendship we’ll lose.
    In exchange for Trudeau,
    We’re willing throw
    In Bill Shatner, along with Ted Cruz.

  40. Randy Wagner says:

    To Dave and Suzanne (with a nod to William Shatner):

    To boldly go get you a room
    Is a mission you two should assume.
    Enterprising teamwork
    That includes James T. Kirk
    Sets bilateral commerce abloom.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    We tried to conceal
    A tryst so surreal
    But I forgot the bags
    With the fancy price tags
    That Macy’s ad claimed “Superbly Unreal”

  42. Kirk Miller says:

    To a Quaker he knows, the man sends
    Christmas gift that he later defends.
    Their sacred Society
    Asserts impropriety,
    But the Quakers contend they’re just Friends.

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    He skipped school with a boy he befriended,
    And did bungee jumps ’til the day ended.
    But the folks at his school
    Didn’t think that was cool,
    And so both of them got suspended.

    Said the boy, “I sure didn’t intend
    To cause trouble. Don’t want to offend.”
    “What my homey does mean,”
    Said his pal to the dean,
    “I just wanted to hang with my friend.”

  44. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a playwright named Heather
    With writer’s block; didn’t know whether
    To get help from a friend.
    But she did. In the end,
    He helped get her act together.

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    My face shouldn’t ever be smacked.
    My friends and I made a nice pact
    To give noogies instead
    On the top of our head,
    Although it’s a knucklehead act.

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    Ray Charles wasn’t hard to amuse.
    He’d duck hunt with nothing to lose.
    All his friends he’d invite;
    They were really a sight.
    A duck blind is what they would use.

    One day after shooting a duck,
    Its feathers he quickly did pluck.
    All Ray’s friends said, “My word!
    How’d you bring down that bird?”
    He replied, “It was simply blind luck.”

    Stevie Wonder, his friend, said to me,
    “I suppose that you all will agree
    Mr. Charles has a gift.
    Understand? Get my drift?
    Ray is certainly something to see.”

  47. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a fellow named John
    Whose friend Donald gave him a hard-on.
    It was truly a sight,
    John’s erection all night.
    He’s aroused by the Crack of Don.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t ever try to conceal
    Your very sultry appeal
    For some enchanted evening
    When you see him leaving
    Run fast so your bosoms reveal

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dearest pal Faye
    Is a friend “all the way”
    But when she became a he
    It never bothered me
    And we were married on Moonlight Bay

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend is a competent clerk
    But she has an annoying quirt
    When she asks me for cash
    I make a mad dash
    To a place where my I-phone won’t work

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    A friendship is based on trust
    But sometimes you feel you must
    Tell her her breath
    Could make you sick to death
    And, by the way” Comb you hair; it’s all mussed”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not a Duplicate:

    My friend is a competent clerk
    But she has an annoying QUIRK
    When she asks me for cash
    I make a make a mad dash
    To a place where my I-phone won’t work

  53. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave Johnson:

    Oh USA, get your facts sorted
    Both Shatner and Cruz we exported
    You wanted them so
    Now you don’t? Yes or no?
    Your new game plan seems somewhat distorted.

    Why the need to acquire Trudeau?
    He’s the King of our land, don’t you know?
    You just can’t uproot him
    We can’t substitute him
    All countries need leaders, hello!

    Are you having a ‘good-leader’ slump?
    All your options you’re ready to dump?
    Clinton, Sanders and Cruz
    Do they give you the blues?
    Or they fail to amuse, like the Trump?

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    To Suzanne Heymann:

    Alas, you’ve deciphered our deal;
    Good candidates we’d have to steal.
    Our options are few;
    We need someone new.
    Desperation we cannot conceal.

    It’s now down to Clinton or Trump;
    Cruz happily hit a big bump.
    Sanders still lurks;
    But the way this thing works,
    He would need a miraculous jump.

    So our trade was a viable fix;
    One way to sneak by the old tricks.
    Now without any help,
    Most voters will yelp
    “It sucks here in 2016…”

  55. Suzanne Heymann says:

    You’ve my sympathies, poor Yankee friend
    I’m sorry that’s all I can send
    But maybe if you
    Moved up north, then you too
    Could enjoy the Trudeau trademark trend.

  56. Randy Wagner says:

    Young Johnny drove off with Camille
    In his rickety automobile.
    Car broke down. She went down.
    What was blown south of town?
    Johnny’s stones, wad and tyre and a seal.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:


    My friend, Lou Ann is a competent clerk
    However, she has an annoying quirk
    When she asks me for cash
    I make a mad dash
    To a DISTANT place where my iPhone won’t work

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    Johnny Manziel can’t conceal
    His lack of professional zeal.
    Two agents he hired
    Have told him “You’re fired!”
    This NFL train wreck is real.

    Perhaps he should seek a new job
    Where there aren’t any footballs to lob.
    The Trump camp provides
    For his true bona fides:
    An asshole who stirs up the mob.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last week I married a seal
    He was shiny and glossy with much sex appeal
    But his flippers went back
    So we were out of whack
    We had it annulled; no big deal

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    I carefully made sure to seal
    A letter to the judge with my appeal
    I work on the street
    It’s killing my feet
    Can’t you give me a special deal?

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    I carefully made sure I would conceal
    The money I made on ‘Let’s Make A Deal”
    But when I paid my tax
    To the very max
    I was back eating beans at every meal

  62. Randy Wagner says:

    The red carpet will rarely conceal
    Starlets’ flesh and their raw sex appeal.
    An excess of cleavage
    And boobular heavage
    Beguiles us: What’s fake and what’s real?

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    In Seattle, there once was a seal
    Named Herschel; mass salmon he’d steal
    At the Locks every day;
    They needed a way
    For an Orca to make him a meal.

  64. Dave Johnson says:

    That “Kiss from a Rose” song by Seal,
    Is a great one for closing the deal.
    Just turn it on low
    When she’s feeling the glow
    To enhance your seductive appeal.

  65. P Diane Schneider says:

    He feigns that his friendship is real
    While really, he is just a heel
    Took blooms on a lark
    Purloined from the park
    In order to be served a meal

  66. Tim James says:

    I knew that her passion was real
    When she started to bark like a seal,
    Moaning, squirming with bliss.
    And the reason for this?
    Gucci pumps at half price! Such a deal!

  67. P Diane Schneider says:

    He trims the leaves to conceal
    The wrongful act (what a deal)
    Handing them over
    Garnished with clover
    All the while grinning with zeal

  68. Randy Wagner says:

    Count Dracula sometimes may feel
    A tormented contriteness to seal
    With a kiss those love bites
    Punctuating hot nights
    As he savors his long bloody meal.

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    Two fishing guides – Brody and Gator;
    School buddies from down in Decatur.
    They both have a skill
    To jack up the bill;
    One troller and one master baiter.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Golden China” the special was seal
    I must say it had a certain appeal
    I took a bite
    Something wasn’t quite right
    It didn’t have that kosher feel

  71. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Lucille used her rod and her reel
    To catch fish, which she did a great deal
    Massive loads she’d insert
    Underneath her big skirt
    Where Lucille would conceal her pet seal.

    Nearby folks would hear crunching and munching
    And they’d swear something there must be lunching
    A tail that stuck out
    From her hem proved no doubt
    Why her skirt flung about and was bunching.

    One witness just could not conceal
    What he thought of this whole fishy deal
    He thought it immoral
    And guessed it was oral –
    A different kind of a meal.

    What appears to be concrete and real
    Is chaotic confusion and zeal
    Folks don’t have the gumption
    To test their assumption
    Of actions of one little seal.

  72. Suzanne Heymann says:

    So what do bikinis conceal?
    A part of a young baby’s meal
    And further below
    Hardly covered, you know
    What an entrance/some exits reveal.

  73. A old harlot who used oatmeal
    Said it helped her clients a great deal:
    “They enjoy the effects
    During vigorous sex
    As they get a much better seal”.

    A mermaid let out a big squeal
    When waking, post party, with a seal.
    Said the seal “Never fret,
    We just had a light pet,
    The real damage was done by the eel.”

  74. Mark Kane says:

    Here’s a ‘Combo’ using ‘Friendship’ and ‘Conceal’:

    As a friend you have lost your appeal.
    You just lie, and you cheat, and conceal
    that you’re bedding my wife.
    (for most of my life)
    What’s the deal, are you simply a heel?

  75. Randy Wagner says:

    The thong Thelma wears can’t conceal
    Her stupendously hot buns of steel.
    Thelma warns, “Since they’re bare
    You’re invited to stare
    But I’ll pummel those copping a feel!”

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    She texted an amorous friend;
    Too bad that she quickly hit “send”.
    ‘Cause auto-fill wrote
    That he smelled like a goat;
    A message she failed to amend.

    He answered right back “What is this?
    Your way of destroying our bliss?
    If that is the case,
    My back you will face
    Along with the ass you can kiss.”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    My date said he was a Navy Seal
    I thought it was a great big deal
    He ate like a pig
    Wore a mop for a wig
    Turns out he was a big schlemiel

  78. Dave Johnson says:

    In the Oregon city of Bend,
    It’s easy to find a new friend.
    On bikes or on skis,
    During hikes in the trees,
    “Hi there” is an ongoing trend.

  79. Brian Neil says:

    Intending a partial reveal
    The stripper applied too much zeal
    Whilst dancing she tripped
    Her knickers, they ripped
    Twas way more than she could conceal

  80. David Reddekopp says:

    There once was a wanker named Neil
    Who’d trot out in trunks that were teal
    But he was a loner
    His big, bulbous boner
    The Spandex could scarcely conceal.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    I made sure to conceal
    What I won on “Lets Make A Deal”
    When I paid my tax
    To the very max
    I’m back to beans at every meal

  82. Blown a Seal

    A grouper griped, “it is surreal –
    Depositing eggs aren’t ideal.
    I can swallow whole fishes
    But my one fervent wish is
    To deep throat an elephant seal.”


    “The Ravin’ ” after “The Raven ” by “Edgar Allen Poe”

    Once upon a teenage revel, while we danced to beat the devil,
    In an afterhours dive that once had been a holy place —–
    While we shimmied, smoothly spinning, suddenly Steph started grinning
    As of some one sweetly sinning, spinning like a moon in space.
    “‘She’s just peaking,” I figured, “sinning with a fevered grace–
    Sex and drugs and disco bass.”

    Indistinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
    The past year dim, a dying ember stomped to ash by boots we wore.
    “Happy New Year!” we were screaming; whirling ’til our sweat was streaming,
    Naked men with torsos gleaming – dreaming of a flawless score
    In the dark and secret cubbies nestled on the upper floor
    Whispers burning like phosphor.

  84. MadKane: I had an error. Would you mind fixing the title of my FRIEND poem?

    “The Ravin’ ” after “The Raven ” by “Edgar Allen Poe”

    From MBK: Done.

  85. Said a nasty old fellow from Fife,
    “My neighbor is screwing my wife.
    He bones the old crone,
    So she leaves me alone…
    Which makes him my best friend for life!”

  86. @Brian:

    I know of a man — his name’s Joseph;
    The nicest guy anyone knowseph.
    He’s a very good friend,
    And on him I depend
    Any time I’ve a corpse to disposeph.

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    Jenna’s my friend from Centralia;
    As a Trooper, she’s ready to nail ya.
    Her mood is sublime;
    But if speeding’s your crime,
    You don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.

  88. There once was a fellow named Hutton
    (For punishment surely a glutton)
    Who’d travel the land
    Giving notes out by hand,
    Since he wouldn’t “Unfriend” with a button.

  89. Though McDonald’s tries hard to conceal
    The industrial taste of the meal,
    Fries soften and sag
    When they’re left in the bag,
    And the hamburgers tend to congeal.

  90. Dave Johnson says:

    Embarrassed, we cannot conceal
    His ego-maniacal spiel.
    All mirrors and smoke,
    For the world, a bad joke;
    The punch line puts Trump at the wheel.

  91. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Telling people what they want to hear
    Makes your friendships all phony I fear
    You’ve just overrated
    The uneducated
    You think will be your votes this year.

    If you waste time at 7-Eleven
    On the day that hell sabotaged heaven
    The best man for the job
    Is a woman, you SOB
    ‘Cause your brain’s motor function ain’t revvin’.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dearest friend Roz
    Gave me a Baccarat vase
    But when the tornado struck
    I was out of luck
    And now she lives in the Land Of Oz

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    To seal with a kiss has appeal
    For expressing affection you feel.
    As a phrase or an act,
    There’s no doubting the fact
    That it’s better than kissing a seal.

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The fine line between friendship and romance
    Can be fuzzy unless there’s a slow dance
    If you rush in too fast
    It’s not hard to forecast
    That for messing around, you’ll get NO chance.

    Here is something that I recommend
    Don’t yet act like a lover, but friend
    If she can detect
    That you’re showing respect
    You’ll get much more than that in the end.

  95. P Diane Schneider says:

    I have got such a deal
    You’ll not believe it is real
    It works very hard
    Dissolving the lard
    (It’s got thirty pounds to conceal)

  96. David Reddekopp says:

    Their commercials don’t have much appeal
    I don’t know what they want me to feel
    What they sell, no one knows
    ‘Til the end (oh, it’s clothes)
    When it’s marked with an Old Navy seal.

  97. Allen Wilcox says:

    It is quite difficult to conceal
    Contempt for a candidate we’ll
    Agree (almost all),
    Whether hands large or small,
    Perfected the Art of the Feel.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dave and I tried to conceal
    our romantic tryst: SO SURREAL!
    Then at the bar
    There was “Dar”
    His wife with Joe, copping a feel

  99. Lisi Nortman says:


    Husbands and wives should never feel blue
    After all, they are “best friends” too
    But if you’re feeling bored
    You can be assured
    A great divorce lawyer is waiting for you

  100. P Diane Schneider says:

    The victim agreed to conceal
    But Dennis Hastert’s a heel
    He promised a sum
    And defaulted (the bum)
    Now the victim is suing with zeal.

  101. Susan Settje says:

    I got homies and bitches, a crew,
    And on Fridays that crew downs a few.
    We got game, we be tight
    Gotch yo’ back in a fight-
    To the kids on our block, we be true.

  102. Byron Ives says:

    My boastful young friend named Abdul
    Oft brags ’bout the size of his tool
    His girlfriend won’t talk
    ‘Bout the size of his cock,
    She always invokes the gag rule

  103. Lisi Nortman says:


    My best friend won the lottery last night
    I was so excited; I hugged her tight
    We’re on our way
    To the airport today
    She says she has a 12 hour flight

  104. Mary McGarvey says:

    A friend indeed did lend me the cash
    For my car crushed to a monster mash.
    Since then it’s been twenty-
    Plus years of no plenty.
    That dear friend waits for payback in ash.

  105. Mary McGarvey says:

    My friend, while still single, was fun.
    We’d spot a cool guy and we’d run!
    But now she’s ten kids
    She boils pots with no lids.
    If she sees a cute boy, that’s her son.

  106. Mary McGarvey says:

    Said my friend in old England to me,
    “I can’t stand this backpack misery.
    Let’s just go hitchhike
    To meet Tom, Dick or Mike
    And make this student trip history!”

  107. Allen Wilcox says:

    If you think Farmer Brown can conceal
    What he does in the pigpen with zeal,
    Then observe the prick prance
    With his hands down his pants,
    And listen to all the sows squeal.

  108. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A new animal made, called a ‘seel’
    Is a cross ‘tween a seal and an eel
    Just don’t ask me how
    For I did make a vow
    It was something I’d never reveal.

    Also cloning is part of the deal
    Even humans are cloned, I’ll reveal
    I confess, there’s a twist
    I’m a mad scientist
    Much worse secrets I have to conceal.

    I’ve been asked by a wealthy big wheel
    To create something truly surreal
    A human with horse
    He got without remorse
    For him, centaurs have such an appeal.

    There’s one critter, from science, I feel
    Should be banned with an unyielding zeal
    You’re an evil outsider
    If you’re a provider
    Of SPIDER, you sly dirty heel!

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    Many friendships come and go
    As time goes by, they help us grow
    The ones that last all our lives
    Are God’s gift in times of strife
    We’re thankful for their love and care
    Which keeps us alive from year to year

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    I close my eyes and say a prayer
    That my friend will get the best of care
    She has been blind for 20 years, and will
    Come as no surprise: that when her time
    Is finally here, God will fix her eyes
    But it is not time yet, you see
    Because I need her and she needs me
    So keep her healthy and keep her sound
    Please, Lord, that is my plea

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    I close my eyes and say a prayer
    “Please let my friend have the best of care”
    She has been blind for 20 years, and IT will come
    As no surprise: that when her time is finally here,
    God will fix her eyes.
    But it is not time yet, you see
    We’re both still footloose and fancy free
    “So keep her healthy and keep her sound
    Please, Lord, that is my plea”

  112. Rich Jones says:

    A financier sought to conceal
    His ill gotten gains from a deal
    So he stashed his moolah
    Down in old Panama
    (His conviction is pending appeal)

  113. Fred Bortz says:

    The draperies split to reveal
    The lectern and Prez with his seal.
    It’s Donald J. Trump,
    That YUGE horse’s rump,
    Declaring that he’s made a deal.

    “Sarah Palin’s now Russia’s Big Wheel.
    In a straight-up trade, Vlad said that he’ll
    Be glad to be Veep
    And he promised to keep
    Snowden’s secrets. Yes this is all real.

    “You see, Vlad and I had this urge
    For the US and Russia to merge.
    And there’s truth to the rumor:
    We will soon have a Duma.
    We’ve begun the Congressional purge.”

    I awoke with a start and a scream.
    Now I know that I never should stream
    “Dr. Strangelove” in bed.
    It plays tricks with my head.
    What a terrible, horrible dream!

  114. Fred Bortz says:


    Though surprised when he learned that his pal
    Would be living his life as a gal,
    He extended his arms
    To her new female charms
    ’Cause that day his wife said, “Call me Al!”

  115. Dave Johnson says:

    The job title has its own seal;
    With power both massive and real.
    One winner will get
    A big jumbo jet;
    Plus a mansion thrown into the deal.

    Let’s see how the finalists rate;
    For whom can we mortgage our fate?
    There’s a lady harassed
    For mistakes in her past
    And a blowhard the world loves to hate.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dearest friend Seal
    Is kind and genteel
    But if she changed her spelling
    She might have a compelling
    Relationship with sensual and desirable appeal

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can no longer conceal
    The mole on my heel
    My podiatrist’s a hunk
    With limitless spunk
    So I must take my sock off and bravely reveal

  118. Lisi Nortman says:


    I can no longer conceal
    Our unresolved ordeal
    She says she has a “pain”
    Or a terrible “migraine”
    Every night it’s the same old spiel

  119. Allen Wilcox says:

    It’s easier making amends
    And avoiding the worst recent trends
    Of family strife,
    Of threatening life,
    If your fam’ly are also your friends.

    Or use lines 1 and 5 for a simpler couplet version of friendly advice.

  120. Lisi Nortman says:


    I can no longer conceal
    The UNSIGHTLY mole on my heel
    My podiatrist’s a hunk
    With limitless spunk
    So I’ll take off my sock and bravely reveal

  121. Dave Johnson says:

    His emergence has all the appeal
    Of the stench from an overweight seal.
    Now Senator Cruz
    Has opted to choose
    The loser of “Let’s Make a Deal.”

    Together, they might have a chance
    Had The Donald not chosen to dance.
    But fright-wingers said
    “Forget Lyin’ Ted;
    We’re up for a blowhard bromance…”

  122. Suzanne Heymann says:

    She tried very hard to conceal
    The stuff bought on credit – unreal!
    Clothes, a car, some cologne
    Jewels, trips, a smart phone
    Will make her spouse reel, I do feel.

    They will have to remortgage their house
    Either that or live like a churchmouse
    That boy ought to, of course
    Get a nice, quick divorce
    From that dumb, shopaholicky spouse!

    (I would have ended it with the word “louse” instead, but that would be insulting the louse species)

  123. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Friendship-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners:

    Limerick-Off Winners 251.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Case.