Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 9, 2024)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEETH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOTH/TEETH-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my WRY or RYE or AWRY-Rhyme Limerick:
Mary’s husband, an insecure guy,
Often asked her, “Is something awry?”
For he feared that his bride
Would soon cast him aside,
Whenever he heard his wife sigh.“Nothing’s wrong,” she would always reply.
Until one day, she let out a cry,
Saying (weary with rage)
“That damn query’s not sage!
Ask it just one more time, and you DIE!”
Here’s my TOOTH/TEETH-Themed Limerick:
“On your X-rays, I’m seeing decay,”
Said the dentist. “You’ve quite an array
Of molars that must
Be attended to. Just
Pay this sizeable invoice today.”
And here’s my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
“Your article’s riddled with flaws.
Did you proof this? Please look at this clause:
It runs on forever.
So publish this? Never!
Your writing endeavor? Lost cause!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Dental Humor, Dental Limerick, Insecurity Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Teeth Humor, Teeth Limerick, Writing Prompts
Observers conject as to why
Mona Lisa’s smile looks kinda wry.
Despite the belief
That she ain’t got no teef
There’s now proof that she’d just screwed her guy.
‘kay, you had a love that went awry
So what else is new? Gotta try
To pick up the pieces
Pack’em up in valises
And kiss’em off, tell’em “Bye Bye!”
*****
Good heavens, it’s awfully unfair
To blame me for the mess that’s up there!
Sure, it’s under my roof
But I rent to that goof
For whom “dress-up” means clean underwear!
Some advice I’ve received with a frown:
“Your lim’ricks don’t get much renown.
The reason? Here’s why.
Your jokes are too wry.
Perhaps, you could just dumb them down.”
One might say that I’m being aloof,
Or attempting to jokingly goof,
Or that I am a boor.
It’s a riddle for sure.
Here’s a pudding requiring some proof.
So, it’s time that I bid y’all farewell.
On the reasons I don’t need to dwell.
Though I smile, yet beneath
I’ve been gritting my teeth.
Writing lim’ricks for y’all has been hell.
******************************************
From Mad Kane:
A writer who quits in a huff
Via verse that’s both bitter and gruff
Should engage in some thought
About all that he’s wrought
And ask if mere ego’s enough.
******************************************
“Guy” from Hick Town, U.S.A.
I welcomed my old buddy, Guy
With a laugh and a smirk, then a sigh.
Cuz at lunch at the deli
He ordered grape jelly
As a schmear with his corned beef on rye.
The Dentist Speaks. The Patient Prays
“As a dentist, I’ve got lots of skill.
I must ask you to stay very still.
It’s not an ordeal.
Like a new man you’ll feel.”
(“I hope this new man pays the bill”)
Proofreading’s a skill that’s required
If a bottle of hooch you’ve acquired.
I once knew a guy
Who drank 90-proof rye
Without reading the proof. He expired.
He was trapped when the burglars broke in,
Tied with rope from his toes to his chin.
But his son heard him call,
And he bit through them all –
He was saved by the teeth of his kin.
“Look, these charges are really unfair!
They’re riddled with lies and hot air.
The riot that day
Was messy, OK,
But there’s proof I was not even there!”
When his parrot sang, “Bottle of Wry!”
The old pirate fixed ‘pon it an eye:
“Stop acting so dumb —
It’s bottle of RUM.”
“I’m mocking,” was Polly’s reply.
If you let your gum line get dirty,
You’ll fail when you try to be flirty.
And, not incidental,
When agony’s dental,
You’ll think that it’s always 2:30.
(Tooth hurty, of course.)
I got holes in the lobes of each ear,
And tattoos on my back and my rear.
Then I ventured a look,
At a skin disease book,
And now I am riddled with fear.
At a deli, I thought that I’d try
A Reuben—the name caught my eye.
But I soon ruled it out
When I saw it had kraut,
So I ordered a corned beef on rye.
(In honor of the long-time but recently closed Corky’s and Lenny’s in Cleveland)
An unflattering SNL spoof
Sent that narcissist Trump through the roof.
When he tweeted, “Unfair!!
I have much better hair.”
They countered, “See now we have proof.”
The best laid plans go awry
Sometimes so bad that you cry
Be it mice or men
Or pigs in a pen
All you can do is ask “why”?
So hungry he tho’t he might die
He ordered a large ham on rye
After Wolfing it down
He then went to town
And ate a whole blueberry pie.
(Tooth theme—if you stretch it)
A vampire was first on the spot
When he heard that a victim was shot.
At the sound of the bangs,
He uncovered his fangs
And drank up before blood could clot.
“Leonardo da Vinci’s Suggestions”
“You look great in that Renaissance style.
But your ugly teeth stick out a mile.
Kindly breathe through your nose
To assume a new pose.
Lisa, please try a more subtle smile.
correction of a limerick from Feb 11th 4:48 AM”
“The Dentist Speaks. The Patient Prays”
“As a dentist, I’ve got adept skill.
I must ask you to stay very still.
Though it’s quite an ordeal,
Like a new man you’ll feel.”
(“I hope this new man pays the bill” )
There was a young lady of Rye
Whose hobby was watching paint dry.
The fumes from a door
Would make her heart soar
And when they were gone she would cry.
Said an actress, “Oh my goodness me!
Archbishop – your hand’s on my knee!
You’ve a glint in your eye …
And your vestment’s awry!
And you haven’t yet paid me the fee!”
There was an old lady called Flo;
Each morning she’d put on a show.
She’d put her teeth in,
Give her husband a grin –
And then on his nightstand she’d blow.
If you drive in mid-winter in Leith —
GO SLOW — or you may need a wreath,
The council’s so mean
They’ve no gritting machine –
Their advice is to grit your own teeth.
I’ve heard that most dentists are keen
To study big cats which are mean.
They know that the ocelot
Does not really flocelot —
But his teeth are all sparkly and clean!
I feel awful. I suffer from gout.
And that Covid – I’ve just had a bout.
Said my dentist today,
“Your teeth are … OK!
But your gums – well, they’ll have to come out”.
There once was a kinda old guy
who press thought was witty and wry.
He said “bomb NATO!”
The press said “Go, man, go!”
and attacked this one older guy.
Your scheme to deceive’s gone awry,
You’ve been caught in the midst of a lie.
I insist you express
Some remorse and confess.
After this, you deserve a black eye.
The hygienist has nary a clue!
I have fooled her; if only she knew
How much sugar I eat
She’d turn white as a sheet!
And give me a firm “talking to.”
Though my tresses look messy, the breeze
Is the reason it’s tangled. So please!
Stop critiquing my hair!
You are being unfair.
At least I do not harbor fleas!
Minor edit to improve lines 3-4
If you let your gum line get dirty,
You’ll fail when you try to be flirty.
And, not incremental,
When agony’s dental,
You’ll think that it’s always 2:30.
(Tooth hurty, of course.)
“The Will”
“To my ne’er-do-well son, inept Keith
I am happy to say I bequeath:
Some real itchy socks
In a dust-covered box,
And a worthless old comb with no teeth.”
My dentist is cranky and old,
And his manner’s increasingly cold.
What I really can’t stand
Is his unsteady hand.
That’s what gets on my nerves, tooth be told.
“Old Diogenes,” said my friend Carol,
“Used to walk about inside a barrel.
You’re not hurt if a mutt
Sinks his teeth in your butt.
It’s a wonderful piece of apparel.”
Said the vet, “Gee! Your cat’s teeth appal!
Use dry food so decay you’ll forestall.”
But my cat loves dry kibbles
So much that he dribbles –
So I can’t feed him dry food at all!
When teeth are all pockmarked with caries,
They’re put to one side by the fairies,
When ground into paste
They’ve a buttery taste
So the fairies then sell them to dairies.
There was a young girl with a scarf
Who said, “I don’t do things by half.
This scarf that I use
Matches my shoes
And hides both my teeth when I larf.”
Whisky drinkers’ best humour is wry.
And those who drink gin – well it’s dry.
Cocktail drinkers? Ah, blue.
Which brings us to you.
Dark, deadpan, surreal or just sly?
I’ve just seen my lim’rick, – right there,
Its random words chosen with care,
In a well-structured line
That is technic’ly fine:
Look; Messy; Proof; Riddle; Unfair.
My first date at 21, (legal age to drink)
I turned 21, thought I’d try
To impress John, a real classy guy.
We went to a play,
Then dined at “Per Se”
Where I ordered a vodka on rye.
Something’s Creepy About Janie’s Hair
Janie’s hair sadly never looks nice.
Hope she gets a beautician’s advice.
Seems each morning at home
With an old fine-toothed comb
She styles her “chignon a la lice.”
A baker once thought it quite wry
To bake mayonnaise in a pie.
The result was quite gross,
And his clients morose
As they told him, “We’d all rather die!”
“Well, look who’s home late, “Cheater Kyle!”
I have proof that you’re cunning and vile.
It’s not her perfume
Which is making me fume!
It’s because you came home with a smile!”
Sorry about that rhyming error! Next Try:
“Well, look who’s home late, “Cheater Kyle!”
I have proof that you’re cunning and vile.
It’s not her perfume
Or that hot chick on Zoom.
It’s because you came home with a smile.”
By a fantasy he was inspired
To make love on a bike. This required
That he be fit and spry.
But it all went awry:
When he tried it, it made him two tired.
“A Letter From Your Father-In- Law To Be”
Dear Steven, I must give you warning.
Though my daughter is always adorning
Her face and her hair,
Please don’t be unfair:
Do NOT look at her in the morning.
A golfer who’s constantly gutting
it out in a rough that needs cutting,
Maybe looks to the green,
To make shots more pristine;
For the proof is (they say) in the putting.
Mad. Please delete version at 14th Feb 10am.Thanks.
Premature appreciation.
He fell down a ravine, to the ground,
Breaking both his arms hitting a mound.
When hauled by his teeth
To the edge, from beneath,
He said “Thaaaaanks” with diminishing sound.
“Internet Dating Site”
“Hello there, my first name is Keith.
I’ve got bite marks and cuts “underneath”
Please reply if you’re hot.
Let’s give it a shot.
Respond only if you ain’t got teeth.”
The three: women, song and wine
Have been a passion of mine.
Now I’m long in the tooth,
Said goodbye to my youth,
So now no more singing is fine.
I was getting quite fat eating rye
And I just couldn’t understand why.
Then I saw a footnote,
You may be subject to bloat
If instead of boiling you fry.
All horny young fellows will try
To lay any girl passing by.
Girls pass by unmoved
And that’s how it’s proved –
Men’s plans to get laid go awry.
The train guard was sentenced to die.
In the electric chair he would fry.
They three times threw the switch
But each time was a glitch,
The bad conductor made things go awry.
For a second term he is dreaming.
To effect that end he is scheming.
If things go awry
To stay he will try,
Till he’s out of there kicking and screaming.
Written after the 2020 election about my favourite chump, one Donald J.
I’ve a brother who’s really quite spry.
Grinds up branches. His humor is wry.
Even when he’s weary,
He is always cheery.
People say he’s a real chipper guy.
Dentist looks at my tooth, and my fate
Isn’t bad, but it isn’t real great.
“No infection is there,”
Dentist says, “But beware.
Tooth is in a pre-caries-ous state.”
Took one look at my teeth, and thought, “Damn!
Time I gave up the strawberry jam –
All those puddings and sweets,
And my sugary treats …”
Always do near my dental exam’.
My wife’s teeth are like stars in that they
Will come out at the close of each day.
And once toothless – sans bite –
She’s a pitiful sight,
But her tongue’s just as sharp, so, “Oy vey!”
I’m addicted to choc’late – sweet tooth –
And have been since the days of my youth.
In my molars, I’ve caves
Have spelunkers in raves,
So my weekends are busy, forsooth.
Damn my diligent dental regime!
All for what? So my molars would gleam?
Now I learn, to my cost,
That I need not have flossed
As a mouthwash works best – I could scream!
“My dear, Count, those eyeteeth spoil your smile.”
“I’m a vampire!” “So do it with style.
Cos, cosmetic’lly, they
Are a dead give-away – –
It’s small wonder the girls run a mile.”
Ah, at last! Here’s a theme with some bite.
One can sink one’s teeth into, and write.
Universal, our theme –
A limericist’s dream –
Has us chomping at bits – ain’t that right?
By the glare my bride’s pearly whites –
An exemplar, her dentist delights –
I am dazzled and miss
Our hotel. Wedded bliss
Is postponed, now, for several nights.
A young dentist who practised in Leith,
Used to sing whilst attending to teeth.
He sang solo to drill,
Then duetted, to fill,
With a dental hygienist called Keith.
Once, the tooth fairy used to buy back,
Any tooth — be it pearly or black.
The prize for a chomper,
When I wore a romper
was cash. Now it’s just some old plaque.
Sorry for the duplication. I missed the ‘of’.
By the glare of my bride’s pearly whites –
An exemplar, her dentist delights –
I am dazzled and miss
Our hotel. Wedded bliss
Is postponed, now, for several nights.
And while I’m correcting errors …
Ah, at last! Here’s a theme with some bite.
One can sink one’s teeth into, and write.
Universal, our theme –
A limericist’s dream –
Has us champing at bits – am I right?
When one’s plans, so well laid, go awry
It is tempting to give up, and cry.
But the right course to take?
Find who made the mistake,
And ‘Denature’ And Throttle The Guy!!!!
Sense of humour can range from the wry –
At times weary, ironic, and sly –
To the slapstick, so broad
Only kiddies applaud,
And then rapier wit, which is dry.
I am using two of the random words — look(s), proof
At the tavern, folks’ gazes are
At the roof, say it looks bizarre.
Up on top of the roof,
Solar panels are proof
They are trying to rays the bar.
Life is cruel to the ug – the un-fair,
Who have looks that repel, not ensnare.
But Ma Nature repays;
Beauty always decays,
The unblessed will be spared that despair.
Mouthing off to his dentist named Phil,
Josh said, “Take a good look at my grill.
My front teeth have big gaps.
When you fit ’em with caps,
Use the ones that don’t come with a bill.”
Said an athletic lady called Gay,
“I love having sexual foreplay.
Things can go awry,
If the man isn’t spry,
But it usually lasts the whole day.”
I know I’ll be safe as can be.
Look Honey, can’t wait till you see
My new bullet-proof vest.
You’ll be very impressed
Cuz it’s got a return guarantee.
‘I’d like to be a catcher in the rye’
So said Holden Caulfield with a sigh
And as I smoke this joint
I think that boy’s got a point
I’d like to do the same and that’s no lie
The dentist said to my mate dirty Mick
‘You’d better get some treatment son, and quick!
What with all these rotten teeth
And diseased gums underneath
It looks as though you must have chewed a brick!
I eat too much sugar and hence
My teeth are all in the past tense
They’re crumbling and black
From the front to the back
They look like a burnt picket fence!
Improved version of earlier one
The dentist hey there young Mick
You’re gonna need treatment and quick
Cos with these broken teeth
And bad gums underneath
It looks like you’ve chewed on a brick
This one scans (I think)
Sorry should say
The dentist said hey there young Mick
You’re gonna need treatment and quick
Cos with these broken teeth
And bad gums underneath
It looks like you’ve chewed on a brick
Good old boys, drinking whiskey and rye,
While they wait for the day that they die.
They’re embalming, their way,
So that come the dread day,
The morticians won’t need to apply.
Now what’s wrong with poor Grampa Heath?
Who can’t find his pair of false teeth.
He lost them in bed,
So Granny Jo said,
“Try looking for ‘em underneath.”
I think that it’s very unfair,
That some have such beautiful hair.
“While I.” Pondered Essie
“My locks are so messy,
To look at it, causes despair.”
There’s proof in the pudding they say.
If that’s in the tasting, I pray
That I solve the riddle,
Of such a hard middle,
And why it just cooks, but half way.
She said, “I just thought I would die!”
What date ordered was reason why.
In horror she’d gaze.
He put mayonnaise,
On top of his corned beef and rye.
Look-Messy-Riddle:
To handsome young men it’s a riddle
Why plain messy girls always diddle.
While they have to look
By hook and by crook
But only get laid just a little.
Doctor Smelly Von Vet told me I
Must bid all my cattle, “goodbye”
Though they all will be missed,
They are doin’ the twist.
(It’s a bug called “Repugnancy Wry”)
I’ve a doctor whose humour is wry.
He examined and said, “You will die.”
Panic stricken, in tears,
I said, “Days, months or years?”
“Oh, I’ve no idea when – but stand by.”
“Monsieur Poirot, these dentures we’ve found,
Go unclaimed by their owner.” He frowned.
“Could it be, he or she
Is embarrassed? Mais oui!
A mysterious case most profound.”
Poirot, prodding the little grey cells,
Solved the riddle. “The mist it dispels!
Who, sans teeth, stands aloof?
Ah, mais oui! There’s your proof!
Are they not the red-faced mademoiselle’s?”
The gum doc informed patient Hugh:
“It appears from these x-rays that you
Have teeth horizontal.
It’s periodontal;
Further eating you’ll have to eschew.”
I looked at the bottle of rye.
It was 86 proof. With a sigh,
I imbibed (to excess)
And woke up in a mess,
Missing teeth. Now the riddle is: why?
We’ve a race on, my gnashers and I.
Will they last till the day that I die?
One or two bit the dust,
But the rest will – they must!
I’m a very competitive guy.
An edentulous crone scratched her chin,
And complained, “A fine pickle I’m in.
I can’t chew, and my wiles
Induce world record miles
By the men I scare off when I grin.
When the merde hits the fan, do not cry.
Take deep breaths and say, “Plans go awry.”
Assume nonchalant air –
Show the world you don’t care.
Be that stiff upper lip kinda guy!
A young builder whose work lacked finesse,
Joined the Army to look for success.
He declared, “I’ve been itchin’
To remodel a kitchen,
But I’d settle for making a mess.”
“What a mess! Ev’rything is awry –
Look! My dentures are missing.” “Don’t cry.
We’ve been burgled. Some goof
Must have stolen them. Proof
Life is cruel and unfair.” (Heavy sigh.)
Here’s a tongue-in-cheek tale of a sleuth
Who is well past the prime of his youth.
The defective detective
Is now less effective,
Short of breath, and too long in the tooth.
I went to the dentist with dread;
Aware of the questions ahead.
Like “Haven’t you flossed?”
Here’s the answer I tossed:
“I’m brushing between ’em instead.”
There was a young twitcher called Snipe
Who spoke the most God-awful tripe.
He said that the wry-
neck’s song is a cry
That sounds like a fart in a pipe.
I once knew a fellow named Fry
Who’s sex life went quickly awry
Although he tried oft
to get more than soft
his girlfriend just started to cry
A man with bad teeth that I knew
Stuck his molar back on with some glue.
This Idea that he had
Would not be that bad,
If he skipped food he needed to chew.
Here’s a riddle that isn’t unfair
Concerning a shape known as “square.”
In a rare situation,
There’s one more formation
That COULD be a square, and I swear.
(What is this formation? hint: It’s a well-known geometric shape)
That passenger flight went awry
While thousands of feet in the sky.
A window seat door
Wasn’t there any more;
Unbolted, it fell from on high.
And now their commercial can say:
“Come fly with us – starting today.
Our Boeing Max 9
Is a new plane so fine;
It’s features will blow you away!”
I’m stretched out in the chair, mouth agape,
Says my dentist, tut-tutting, “You vape!”
“Nn nn nn nn,” I say –
Which translates, “Twice a day.”
My position allowed no escape.
I boogied with one stupid guy.
He was nice though, till things went awry.
When my falsies popped out,
He started to shout,
“I didn’t know puppies could fly!”
Another double
“Dusty” Miller chews bread all the while,
So you really can’t miss his rye smile.
With teeth also awry
He’s a real ugly guy
Use your loaf; stay upwind, his breath’s vile.
Loaf, is English rhyming slang for Head, (loaf of bread).
When it used to be Siri and me,
I was happy as happy can be.
But it all went awry
When this open AI
Started blabbing on ChatGPT.
(Slight correction to the last line of my posting above)
That passenger flight went awry
While thousands of feet in the sky.
A window seat door
Wasn’t there any more;
Unbolted, it fell from on high.
And now their commercial can say:
“Come fly with us – starting today.
Our Boeing Max 9
Is a new plane so fine;
Its features will blow you away.”
Said the crew: Let’s get Captain Bligh
Come on, boys, we’ll give it a try.
Then the Bounty will be
Ours to sail on the sea.
What’s the worst that could go awry?
This is absolutely true to the very word. My father often dropped by for dinner after I got married.
My daddy Sam, often came by
For dinner, and then I would sigh.
Ev’ry time I served bread,
He perpetually said,
“Looks good, but you call that a RYE?”
Correction from Feb. 20th. 7:13 PM, at which time I made a mistake
Here’s a riddle that isn’t unfair.
Concerning a shape known as “square”
The key word is “angle”
Now can you untangle
This form that is also a square?
(What is this formation? Hint: another well-known geometric shape)
Having only two thumbs is no riddle
For, say, babies and folks who play fiddle.
But for me it’s unfair
To have only one pair
When I want to send texts while I twiddle.
“Save your teeth!” cried the dentist. “Decay
Has set in. Don’t ignore what I say.
You’ve no choice: Let me drill,
And you’ll have your teeth still – –
But one way or the other, you’ll pay.”
A woman from Texas named Ruth
Was in pain from a very bad tooth.
So her dentist, with care,
Pulled it out then and there.
This means Ruth’s now a yankee, forsooth!
On a loch near the Ness, in the fog,
Nessie messed with two guys glugging grog.
On days that were hazy,
She liked to look lazy,
So she made like a bump on a log.
A beautiful lady called Nancy
Could have any man that she’d fancy
It is therefore quite wry,
That there’s only one guy
Whose name fits this verse – and that’s Clancy.
Last night I was dreaming of death.
What would I say with my last breath?
I would say, with a sigh,
That my life went awry,
When I transitioned from Seth to Beth.
There was a man for whom things went awry,
He didn’t feel even the need to cry;
He didn’t get much worry,
Nor any useless flurry;
He hoped to have them all on his next try.
Looping Homophones Limerick:
A sailor buys ale and some RYE,
WRY smile and glint in his EYE.
I hear seas make him AIL.
ALE helps him to SAIL.
SALE on ale, without fail, he will buy!
Hey, welcome to “Everything Rye.”
We’re so happy when people stop by.
We have seedless and dark.
Both will give you that spark.
And our latest is “Hooch For A High.”
I’m a mess, I just want to throw up.
I eat ONE piece of cake and blow up!
Life’s so damn unfair.
Now I’m clearly aware
Why Peter Pan didn’t grow up.
Venus de Milo
What’s up with her schmata? (a dress?)
She sure didn’t “drape” for success!
With no arms, life’s unfair.
You can’t fix your own hair.
Ms. Milo’s a classical mess.
Complained little fish, Steve, “Odds aren’t even.
There’s no proof that we’ve much to believe in.”
Answered big fish, “There, there,
Life’s not always unfair,”
Then ate ALL the small fish — even Steven.
Things have gone clearly awry,
And I somehow got a black eye.
How did it all start?
Was there martial art?
Just clumsy me swatting a fly!
She knows I like sourdough, not rye.
But she still serves it up, – don’t know why.
I suspect it’s to spite me,
I whinge, she says “Bite me!”
Methinks someone’s end could be nigh!
Drac presents to his dentist a puzzle:
“Doc, I spill when I nuzzle and guzzle.”
Mused the tooth man, “You might
Have a bad overbite.
I suggest you start using a muzzle.”
Master Plan: “Reality Teeth” No One Will Tell
Dr. Replicate wisely maintains,
“We dentists should use our skilled brains.
Thus, concerning your “fakes”
I shall make no mistakes:
In your false teeth, I’ll add a few stains.”
They roundly agree she’s a square.
On the hole Peggy’s treatment’s unfair.
If Peg had looked ‘round,
I’m sure she’d have found
A square Peg’s never fitting in there!
TEETH:
A tipsy old geezer prostrate
Was licking his lusty old mate.
She came with such vigor,
He cried out, “Damn liquor,
I think I just swallowed my plate!”
Cried gasping old grandma, “Oh dear,
I’m glad that I gave you some beer.
I do love your lickin’
In places forbidden,
I think that your plate’s up my rear.”
Visit Scotland they said, – look for Nessie.
So we did, – took my dumb cousin Jesse.
He jumped in for a swim,
And soon Nessie found him.
After that, things became rather messy!
It all started as just a fun spoof,
But blew up with a flash, bang and poof!
Actors thought it unfair
That it went live to air,
Till the ratings went straight through the roof.
Said a woman whose outlook was wry:
“Why do men always think they must lie?
Seven inches? No way!
Mark my words when I say:
I can measure such objects by eye.”
Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends this Saturday, March 9, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
A fine set of teeth has the ocelot,
Though it’s true that they do make him cross a lot.
When food scraps get stuck
It’s annoying as f*ck
And if only he could he would floss a lot.
A born chiseler, one dentist Keith,
Claims, “Your smile will light up like a wreath!
For ten grand (thereabout),
These new crowns will stand out.”
So his patients all sport big-buck teeth.
I once asked my great aunt Di
her secret to staying so spry;
she said with a wink,
”It’s easier than you think,
eat a diet of Limburger on rye!”
(Sorry I’m so late. I just discovered your contest.)
Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 519. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Shot.