Preening Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who tended to preen…*
or
A woman who tended to preen…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Preening Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who tended to preen
Looked great (so he thought) wearing green.
But the shady, base boor
Had no hint of allure,
Cuz clothing can’t camouflage mean.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boorish, Clothing Humor, Limerick Contest, Personality Verse, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Preening, Writing Prompts
A woman who tended to preen
Refused to camp in the green
Said “it’s dank and it’s cold
I’m sure that there’s mold.
And the lack of tissue is obscene!”
A woman who tended to preen
Hoped that one day she’d debut on screen
Without talent in acting
The task was exacting
Plus the fact that she dressed like a teen.
A woman who tended to preen…
Endeavored to be rarely seen
Her stated reputation
Preceded her presence
She was always pretty and prim
Hank
A fellow who tended to preen
In scarlet and aquamarine,
Was asked to depart:
‘Your outfit’s not smart,
And it it is far better unseen.’
A woman who tended to preen,
Regarded herself as a beauty queen,
Once walking on the ramp,
She slipped and had a cramp,
The injury disrupting her daily routine.
a fellow who tended to preen
had a face that resembled a spleen
he’d pinch & squish
fresh skin his wish
all the puss though would turn you quite green
A woman who tended to preen
Had hair dyed purple and green.
Along with the tint
She kept a blueprint
To comb her hair perfect before being seen.
.
A fellow who tended to preen
Cared not as his wife turned all green.
She told him to get off the pot
Her makeup was starting to rot.
But honey he said it’s Halloween.
.
A fellow who tended to preen
Finally created a scene
His angry main squeeze
Let loose with a sneeze
That mussed his boufant ‘fore meeting the queen.
.
The fellow was Romney of course
Whose wife went riding a horse.
He said to the queen
“My wife is so mean
A horse did she preen.
”And then in between
Said something obscene.”
.
And with no more discourse
She saddled the horse.
And rode from the scene.
With no sign of remorse.
A fellow who tended to preen
Styled his hair using real gasoline
But one day, his mullet
Took off like a bullet
‘Twas over The Bronx when last seen…
A fellow who tended to preen
Rocked up in his new limousine,
So long, it is true,
That nobody knew:
‘Still coming, or has it just been?’
A woman who tended to preen
In youth was a great beauty queen
But with each year the task
Of applying her mask
Resembled more pre-Halloween
A teenager started to preen
When his mirror was bright and pristine,
And he just couldn’t stop—
Pop-pop-POP! Pop-pop-POP!—
Till its surface was grossly unclean.
A fellow who tended to preen
Lingered more toward the obscene
He spun a tall tale
Landing in jail
Luckily his flash could barely be scene
A woman who tended to preen,
kept herself well groomed and clean.
much too my delight,
and when I floss at night,
there’s nary a hair in between.
The bed buyer started to preen
Though the mattress guy’d said something mean
He had looked at her mass
And the size of her ass
And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”
A woman who tended to preen
Dressed as if she were still seventeen,
With her hair orange bright,
And black skirt way too tight.
To that gal, every day’s Halloween.
A woman who tended to preen,
Insisted on using Chlorine
To brighten her hair
With no worry or care.
Was she hoping for this shade of green?
A man who loved so much to preen
Dressed so dapper. I mean he was clean.
With his slacks sharply creased,
And his head slickly greased
Things reflect off his baldheaded sheen.
A fellow who tended to preen,
was viewed by some as obscene,
when he used his own tongue,
to lick his own bung,
but that’s how dogs keep themselves clean.
A woman who tended to preen
Decided to try kerosene
But her friends lit a match
And they found that her snatch
Was recovered in old New Orlean(s).
A fellow who tended to preen,
Considering nose hairs obscene,
Plucked out, with his tweezers,
This symbol of geezers,
The long, short, and those in between.
A man with a penchant to preen
Compulsively swills Listerine;
With his sip-and-spit ways,
Germs are not all he slays —
Hopes for cavity-filling are lean.
Old Mitt, who we know likes to preen,
Put on puppy-dog eyes while his bean
He cocked this way and that —
But that puppy’s a rat,
And his RNC act was obscene.
A fellow who tended to preen
Had a wife with a baby to wean.
With bottle or cup
The baby threw up.
He said ,”THROW the kid OUT. I’ll get clean!
Good one!
A fellow who tended to preen
Went to lengths just this side of obscene
To impress the girlies
He’d mousse his short curlies
Thus causing a sort of “pubic” scene
A woman who tended to preen
Decided that sex was unclean
Though the pleasure was there
Pillows messed up her hair
But she’ll stand if you want in between
Pretty Boy
A fellow who tended to preen
getting set for the silver screen
slicked his fleece
brushed his teeth
the camera crashed no TV seen
A woman would powder and preen,
Perfecting her delicate mien,
Then—brooking no cavil—
SLAM down her gavel
And the board of directors convene.
A woman who tended to preen
wasn’t pretty as once she had been.
Her boyfriend said, “Dear,
you’re causing embarrassment here.
Your preening is becoming obscene.”
A bus driver given to preen
Should not only keep all mirrors clean,
But if possible groom,
arrange, and perfume
Only AT stops and never BETWEEN.
A fellow who tended to preen
Dreamed he starred in his own magazine:
Field and Stream meets GQ
With a centerfold view
Of his sassy, bass-loving sardine.
A fellow who tended to preen
starting acting like Charlie Sheen
When he said he was “Winning”
it set all heads spinning
‘Cause the kid was still barely a teen.
the widow continued to preen
as police did arrive at the scene
her husband lay dead
a hole in his head
“he cheated,” she said quite serene
A fellow would powder and preen,
Making up to go out and be seen,
Which raised his wife’s bile:
“I’m starving here while
Michelangelo paints the Sistine!”
A man who played gong liked to preen
In his gong, with its mirrorlike sheen.
And he thought, when he gonged,
His image not wronged,
Rather rendered a Pointillist scene.
A raven who tended to preen
Thought being a leader was keen,
And proud of his skill,
Swooped down on road kill.
His dead body auto have seen.
A harlot would dally and preen,
Tossing clothes o’er a Japanese screen,
Making sure that her find
Had drunk himself blind
Before she came round to be seen.
A private was given to preen
For hours in the barracks latrine.
Not one of the crowd,
He was few, he was proud,
But an all-around lousy marine.
For her boyfriend, she started to preen
Stating “I have the legs of a queen!”
Then she asked “In this light
Which looks best – ‘left’ or ‘right’ ?”
He said “I’m more a fan of ‘between’ “
A young girl who tended to preen
Once made her face far too clean
She rubbed hard with a cloth
But her face it came off
The child’s sadness heard but not seen
Apologies for the double post, damn smartphone browser :/
Note from Mad Kane: No problem. I deleted the duplicate. Actually, I’m surprised my blogging software didn’t detect and block it.
Your limerick holds a lot of truth today—
Wonderful, Madeleine! I am green over here! (With envy.) k
A woman inclined not to preen
Knew not how her beauty was seen.
Cleopatra allure
And the lack of hauteur
Made the other girls turn Kelly green.
Mad, you really made me laugh at this one! So many turns and twists of phrase–loved it!
a fellow who tended to preen
went mad at the disruptive breeze
for cluttered about,
was shadow and doubt,
as is such, the scourge of vanity
A chap who tended to preen
minced about eager to be seen
he twaddled and fussed
over his coiffeur streaked rust
“oh no wrong colour!” he screamed
Maybe this fellow who preened was a peacock …:)
Thanks for the visit
A woman who tended to preen
surely glowed in her essence of sheen.
Off to powder her nose
when such a clamor arose
as her boob popped out from its screen.
ha…clothing can’t camouflage mean…true that…you always see it in the eyes of a person..
A fellow who tended to preen
picked up gals from the singles bar scene.
But he’s now in the pen
where he does five-to-ten –
his last conquest was only sixteen.
King Louie, who tended to preen,
who thought peasants were something obscene,
and Marie (Her mistake?
She said, “Let them eat cake!”)
lost their heads to a big guillotine.
A fellow who tended to preen
Flashed a grin at the Jumbo-tron screen
And said, “What nominee?
This is all about me.
I’ll be running in 2016.”
A bald guy who tended to preen
Buffed his head to a luminous sheen.
He donned a white shirt
With no smidgen of dirt.
Now he looks a lot like Mr. Clean.
A fellow who tended to preen
Took up with a hooker named Jean
They painted the town
But she started to frown
When he showed her a thing like a bean.
Henry 8 always tended to preen
Trimmed his beard so he looked like a quean
The trouble with him
Was he also did trim
The heads off his wives so I’m seein’.
Love this! I will have to remember to visit more often. I am grinning from ear to ear.
A Save-the-Earth man tends to preen
When vowing to keep the world clean.
He’s reached a conclusion
On nuclear fusion.
Their motto, he says, is “Glow Green.”
A young woman who tended to preen
Had hair with a nice, glossy sheen
All the men stared
But she never cared
She lived for and loved to be seen
A doctor who tended to preen
Had found women’s ills slightly obscene.
“But I need all their fees.
Let them come if they please.
I haven’t the patients to screen!”
I quite enjoy the commitment to rhyme!
At eleven, he started to preen:
The intern had excised a spleen!
Or some nearby part,
Like maybe the heart.
Time of death: Eleven fifteen.
An intern was starting to preen.
His maiden excision: routine.
Then the resident woke
And checked with a poke:
“You took out a fine, healthy spleen.”
A charmer was starting to preen
As he sweet-talked the lovely Alene.
“May I stay?” “Yes, you may.”
Then he learned, as they lay,
That Alene was a Turing machine.
A fellow who tended to preen
In the nation’s political scene
Was acclaimed for his views
By those with no clues
As to what his pronouncements could mean.
A woman who wanted to preen
In the pages of Vogue Magazine
Had a global career
In her sophomore year,
And was washed up at age 17.
A fellow who tended to preen
At clubs where he loved to be seen
Had a head of PR
For Page Six and the Star,
And another for Us Magazine.
fun verse, your words in limericks are incredibly outstanding.
Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 78.
But you can still have limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Spread.