Preening Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who tended to preen…*


A woman who tended to preen…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Preening Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who tended to preen
Looked great (so he thought) wearing green.
But the shady, base boor
Had no hint of allure,
Cuz clothing can’t camouflage mean.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , ,

68 Responses to “Preening Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Uhave2laff says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    Refused to camp in the green
    Said “it’s dank and it’s cold
    I’m sure that there’s mold.
    And the lack of tissue is obscene!”

  2. A woman who tended to preen
    Hoped that one day she’d debut on screen
    Without talent in acting
    The task was exacting
    Plus the fact that she dressed like a teen.

  3. kaykuala says:

    A woman who tended to preen…
    Endeavored to be rarely seen
    Her stated reputation
    Preceded her presence
    She was always pretty and prim


  4. colonialist says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    In scarlet and aquamarine,
    Was asked to depart:
    ‘Your outfit’s not smart,
    And it it is far better unseen.’

  5. Green Speck says:

    A woman who tended to preen,
    Regarded herself as a beauty queen,
    Once walking on the ramp,
    She slipped and had a cramp,
    The injury disrupting her daily routine.

  6. brian miller says:

    a fellow who tended to preen
    had a face that resembled a spleen
    he’d pinch & squish
    fresh skin his wish
    all the puss though would turn you quite green

  7. John Sardo says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    Had hair dyed purple and green.
    Along with the tint
    She kept a blueprint
    To comb her hair perfect before being seen.

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Cared not as his wife turned all green.
    She told him to get off the pot
    Her makeup was starting to rot.
    But honey he said it’s Halloween.
    A fellow who tended to preen
    Finally created a scene
    His angry main squeeze
    Let loose with a sneeze
    That mussed his boufant ‘fore meeting the queen.

    The fellow was Romney of course
    Whose wife went riding a horse.
    He said to the queen
    “My wife is so mean
    A horse did she preen.
    ”And then in between
    Said something obscene.”
    And with no more discourse
    She saddled the horse.
    And rode from the scene.
    With no sign of remorse.

  8. A fellow who tended to preen
    Styled his hair using real gasoline
    But one day, his mullet
    Took off like a bullet
    ‘Twas over The Bronx when last seen…

  9. colonialist says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Rocked up in his new limousine,
    So long, it is true,
    That nobody knew:
    ‘Still coming, or has it just been?’

  10. Patrick McKeon says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    In youth was a great beauty queen
    But with each year the task
    Of applying her mask
    Resembled more pre-Halloween

  11. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A teenager started to preen
    When his mirror was bright and pristine,
    And he just couldn’t stop—
    Pop-pop-POP! Pop-pop-POP!—
    Till its surface was grossly unclean.

  12. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Lingered more toward the obscene
    He spun a tall tale
    Landing in jail
    Luckily his flash could barely be scene

  13. scott says:

    A woman who tended to preen,
    kept herself well groomed and clean.
    much too my delight,
    and when I floss at night,
    there’s nary a hair in between.

  14. Craig says:

    The bed buyer started to preen
    Though the mattress guy’d said something mean
    He had looked at her mass
    And the size of her ass
    And said “Madam, you’re fit for a queen!”

  15. Mark Kane says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    Dressed as if she were still seventeen,
    With her hair orange bright,
    And black skirt way too tight.
    To that gal, every day’s Halloween.

  16. Mark Kane says:

    A woman who tended to preen,
    Insisted on using Chlorine
    To brighten her hair
    With no worry or care.
    Was she hoping for this shade of green?

  17. Pie Snelson says:

    A man who loved so much to preen
    Dressed so dapper. I mean he was clean.
    With his slacks sharply creased,
    And his head slickly greased
    Things reflect off his baldheaded sheen.

  18. scott says:

    A fellow who tended to preen,
    was viewed by some as obscene,
    when he used his own tongue,
    to lick his own bung,
    but that’s how dogs keep themselves clean.

  19. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    Decided to try kerosene
    But her friends lit a match
    And they found that her snatch
    Was recovered in old New Orlean(s).

  20. Joyce La Mers says:

    A fellow who tended to preen,
    Considering nose hairs obscene,
    Plucked out, with his tweezers,
    This symbol of geezers,
    The long, short, and those in between.

  21. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man with a penchant to preen
    Compulsively swills Listerine;
    With his sip-and-spit ways,
    Germs are not all he slays —
    Hopes for cavity-filling are lean.

  22. Johanna Richmond says:

    Old Mitt, who we know likes to preen,
    Put on puppy-dog eyes while his bean
    He cocked this way and that —
    But that puppy’s a rat,
    And his RNC act was obscene.

  23. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Had a wife with a baby to wean.
    With bottle or cup
    The baby threw up.
    He said ,”THROW the kid OUT. I’ll get clean!

  24. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Went to lengths just this side of obscene
    To impress the girlies
    He’d mousse his short curlies
    Thus causing a sort of “pubic” scene

    A woman who tended to preen
    Decided that sex was unclean
    Though the pleasure was there
    Pillows messed up her hair
    But she’ll stand if you want in between

  25. Jim says:

    Pretty Boy

    A fellow who tended to preen
    getting set for the silver screen
    slicked his fleece
    brushed his teeth
    the camera crashed no TV seen

  26. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A woman would powder and preen,
    Perfecting her delicate mien,
    Then—brooking no cavil—
    SLAM down her gavel
    And the board of directors convene.

  27. John Larkin says:

    A woman who tended to preen
    wasn’t pretty as once she had been.
    Her boyfriend said, “Dear,
    you’re causing embarrassment here.
    Your preening is becoming obscene.”

  28. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A bus driver given to preen
    Should not only keep all mirrors clean,
    But if possible groom,
    arrange, and perfume
    Only AT stops and never BETWEEN.

  29. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Dreamed he starred in his own magazine:
    Field and Stream meets GQ
    With a centerfold view
    Of his sassy, bass-loving sardine.

  30. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    starting acting like Charlie Sheen
    When he said he was “Winning”
    it set all heads spinning
    ‘Cause the kid was still barely a teen.

  31. RMP says:

    the widow continued to preen
    as police did arrive at the scene
    her husband lay dead
    a hole in his head
    “he cheated,” she said quite serene

  32. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A fellow would powder and preen,
    Making up to go out and be seen,
    Which raised his wife’s bile:
    “I’m starving here while
    Michelangelo paints the Sistine!”

  33. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A man who played gong liked to preen
    In his gong, with its mirrorlike sheen.
    And he thought, when he gonged,
    His image not wronged,
    Rather rendered a Pointillist scene.

  34. Granny Smith says:

    A raven who tended to preen
    Thought being a leader was keen,
    And proud of his skill,
    Swooped down on road kill.
    His dead body auto have seen.

  35. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A harlot would dally and preen,
    Tossing clothes o’er a Japanese screen,
    Making sure that her find
    Had drunk himself blind
    Before she came round to be seen.

  36. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A private was given to preen
    For hours in the barracks latrine.
    Not one of the crowd,
    He was few, he was proud,
    But an all-around lousy marine.

  37. Craig says:

    For her boyfriend, she started to preen
    Stating “I have the legs of a queen!”
    Then she asked “In this light
    Which looks best – ‘left’ or ‘right’ ?”
    He said “I’m more a fan of ‘between’ “

  38. Mark Megson says:

    A young girl who tended to preen
    Once made her face far too clean
    She rubbed hard with a cloth
    But her face it came off
    The child’s sadness heard but not seen

  39. Mark Megson says:

    Apologies for the double post, damn smartphone browser :/

    Note from Mad Kane: No problem. I deleted the duplicate. Actually, I’m surprised my blogging software didn’t detect and block it.

  40. Your limerick holds a lot of truth today—

  41. Manicddaily says:

    Wonderful, Madeleine! I am green over here! (With envy.) k

  42. Carolyn Henly says:

    A woman inclined not to preen
    Knew not how her beauty was seen.
    Cleopatra allure
    And the lack of hauteur
    Made the other girls turn Kelly green.

  43. Sara V says:

    Mad, you really made me laugh at this one! So many turns and twists of phrase–loved it!

  44. Fred says:

    a fellow who tended to preen
    went mad at the disruptive breeze
    for cluttered about,
    was shadow and doubt,
    as is such, the scourge of vanity

  45. Rallentanda says:

    A chap who tended to preen
    minced about eager to be seen
    he twaddled and fussed
    over his coiffeur streaked rust
    “oh no wrong colour!” he screamed

  46. Maybe this fellow who preened was a peacock …:)
    Thanks for the visit

  47. A woman who tended to preen
    surely glowed in her essence of sheen.
    Off to powder her nose
    when such a clamor arose
    as her boob popped out from its screen.

  48. Claudia says:

    ha…clothing can’t camouflage mean…true that…you always see it in the eyes of a person..

  49. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    picked up gals from the singles bar scene.
    But he’s now in the pen
    where he does five-to-ten –
    his last conquest was only sixteen.

  50. Bruce Niedt says:

    King Louie, who tended to preen,
    who thought peasants were something obscene,
    and Marie (Her mistake?
    She said, “Let them eat cake!”)
    lost their heads to a big guillotine.

  51. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Flashed a grin at the Jumbo-tron screen
    And said, “What nominee?
    This is all about me.
    I’ll be running in 2016.”

  52. Tim James says:

    A bald guy who tended to preen
    Buffed his head to a luminous sheen.
    He donned a white shirt
    With no smidgen of dirt.
    Now he looks a lot like Mr. Clean.

  53. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    Took up with a hooker named Jean
    They painted the town
    But she started to frown
    When he showed her a thing like a bean.

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    Henry 8 always tended to preen
    Trimmed his beard so he looked like a quean
    The trouble with him
    Was he also did trim
    The heads off his wives so I’m seein’.

  55. Beth Winter says:

    Love this! I will have to remember to visit more often. I am grinning from ear to ear.

  56. Granny Smith says:

    A Save-the-Earth man tends to preen
    When vowing to keep the world clean.
    He’s reached a conclusion
    On nuclear fusion.
    Their motto, he says, is “Glow Green.”

  57. A young woman who tended to preen
    Had hair with a nice, glossy sheen
    All the men stared
    But she never cared
    She lived for and loved to be seen

  58. Granny Smith says:

    A doctor who tended to preen
    Had found women’s ills slightly obscene.
    “But I need all their fees.
    Let them come if they please.
    I haven’t the patients to screen!”

  59. Jack says:

    I quite enjoy the commitment to rhyme!

  60. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    At eleven, he started to preen:
    The intern had excised a spleen!
    Or some nearby part,
    Like maybe the heart.
    Time of death: Eleven fifteen.

  61. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    An intern was starting to preen.
    His maiden excision: routine.
    Then the resident woke
    And checked with a poke:
    “You took out a fine, healthy spleen.”

  62. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A charmer was starting to preen
    As he sweet-talked the lovely Alene.
    “May I stay?” “Yes, you may.”
    Then he learned, as they lay,
    That Alene was a Turing machine.

  63. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    In the nation’s political scene
    Was acclaimed for his views
    By those with no clues
    As to what his pronouncements could mean.

  64. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who wanted to preen
    In the pages of Vogue Magazine
    Had a global career 
    In her sophomore year, 
    And was washed up at age 17. 

  65. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who tended to preen
    At clubs where he loved to be seen
    Had a head of PR
    For Page Six and the Star,
    And another for Us Magazine. 

  66. Taylor says:

    fun verse, your words in limericks are incredibly outstanding.

  67. madkane says:

    Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 78.

    But you can still have limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Spread.