Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 1, 2023)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WHEELS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WHEEL-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE-Rhyme Limerick:

A young fellow, no more than nineteen,
Would steal golf carts and often be seen
Careening around
On his campus. He’d found
A trump card: His dad was the Dean.

And here’s my WHEELS-Themed Limerick:

When I ask for the wheel, you refuse me.
“Backseat driver,” you say? Don’t accuse me!
I’m in front, so your claim
Is abusive and lame.
It’s so foolish, you almost amuse me.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

Ever been to a bus’ness lunch? Yuk!
You’ve one scheduled? You’re stuck? Well, good luck!
I’m no fan of such meals,
Where you’re s’pposed to make deals,
Watch your manners, and NEVER say “Fuck!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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148 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 1, 2023)”

  1. Steve Frakt says:

    The caveman did finally reveal
    An invention he thought so ideal
    To greatly enhance
    The human advance
    At long last, he made a square wheel

  2. Kids sing of the wheels on the bus
    As it merrily bypasses us
    They make faces and wave
    Oh, I wish they’d behave!
    Their attitude leads me to cuss!

    Bindy Bitterman, Chicago

  3. Gail White says:

    Okay, third try’s the charm:

    Said Grok, “I’ve invented the wheel.”
    Said his fellow stone-agers, “Big deal.
    Can’t eat it or throw it
    Or play it or blow it…
    At least it’s not easy to steal.”

  4. Terry Marter says:

    An old stripper and vaudeville queen
    Was sev’ral bad gigs past ‘has been’.
    She still treads the boards
    Sans her previous hoards
    Who’s mem’ries are far less obscene.

  5. Patrice Stewart says:

    Tween’s Church Knows Best?

    She thought him misguided and mean
    When he labeled her lyrics obscene:
    Wow, eternal damnation!
    Creative stagnation
    Results when he comes on the scene.

    But it’s all ’bout the letter of law
    When he senses rebellion, a flaw
    To stamp out at its root.
    Get in line, child, now scoot!
    Independence and talent flogged raw
    (It’s high time foolish parents looked, saw!).

  6. Keone Morienga says:

    Man, I thought the first two words were “METAL FAN”.


  7. Keone Morienga says:

    Toxic Wokeness

    It’s impossible: trying to glean
    What the masses are deeming obscene!
    Give the wrong group some sass?
    Fuckers cancel your ass.
    We comedians better break clean.

    I just find myself feeling so pensive
    Over what other folks find offensive.
    Everything’s “open smut”
    Till your tribe is the butt –
    The hypocrisy’s quite reprehensive!

  8. Keone Morienga says:

    Also SCENE / SEEN but VACCINE instead.

    “Howdy-doo,” muttered Dr. McBean.
    “You have come to receive a vaccine?”
    She said, “Doc, listen here:
    By ‘please stick in my rear
    Your big plunger,’ that’s not what I mean.”

  9. Terry Marter says:

    Oops! Please replace my earlier post with this one (L5 whose).

    An old stripper and vaudeville queen
    Was sev’ral bad gigs past “has-been”.
    She still treads the boards
    Sans her previous hoards
    Whose mem’ries are far less obscene.

  10. Keone Morienga says:


    In the business of watching folks sleep,
    People look at you like you’re a creep.
    I’m a fan – I must say –
    Of my boss, NSA:
    Eat my meal while I monitor “sheep.”

  11. Terry Marter says:

    Said a rock star whose cool name was Sloopy
    “My bedroom’s so hot, I feel loopy.”
    Called his new PA man:
    “I Can’t sleep; need a fan”
    And was promptly supplied with a groupie!

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    Loving mother speaks up for her lad:
    “Watching ladies undressing is bad,
    But his father admiring,
    This fan boy’s aspiring –
    As boys do – to take after his dad.”

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    It is said of inventing the wheel,
    That it was, and still is, a big deal.
    Of old things we admire,
    It’s right up there with fire,
    And combined, gave the automobile.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “Our perspective on what is obscene,
    Has undergone changes. I mean,
    Roman orgies were lewd,
    Pornographic and rude:
    Nowadays, they’d be quaint and routine.”

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    “Ah, the weekend’s upon me – ideal!
    Business done, I’ll enjoy a square meal,
    Watch the game – I’m a fan –
    Get some sleep, if I can,
    And then work on my sentence appeal.”

  16. Terry Marter says:

    Not all inventions were taken seriously.

    (In the British vernacular)
    You’ve invented a free-floating craft?
    With no wheels either side, fore or aft?
    That can go anywhere
    On a cushion of air?
    Are you taking the piss, or just daft?

  17. Dave Johnson says:

    The actors are doing a scene
    Where one of them gets in between
    Two others in bed;
    Then there’s laughter instead.
    How threesomes make PG-13.

  18. Dave Johnson says:

    Way up on Seattle’s Great Wheel,
    The others are starting to squeal.
    He sits there perplexed
    And most certainly vexed
    By moisture he’s starting to feel.

  19. Sharon Neeman says:

    An invention by chemist Martine
    Turned pool water that’s peed-in bright green.
    When asked why, she’d enthuse,
    “Well, I’m French — from Toulouse —
    And the French word for ‘pool’ is ‘piscine.'”

  20. Sharon Neeman says:

    My nutritionist, Dr. Jane Smith,
    Says: “The need for big meals is a myth.
    Watch your portions, I say,
    And sleep eight hours a day —
    But I surely won’t tell you who with.”

  21. Terry Marter says:

    The forensic department is keen
    To solve murders with info they glean.
    They’ve just found a box
    With six locks, under rocks.
    Its contents? – Remains to be seen.

  22. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m confessing that I tend to preen.
    I’m so gorgeous that most folks turn green.
    l dazzle, and yet,
    I do have one regret —
    That my privates I must leave unseen.

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    A clean limerick’s rather absurd;
    Smutty jokes, I insist, are preferred.
    Sex is what they’re about,
    Though scatology’s out –
    They should be obscene, but not turd.

  24. Brian Allgar says:

    (A couple of old ones)

    The Cardinal, quite a big wheel,
    Had a dog before whom he would kneel.
    He explained to some geezers
    The pooch was called Jesus –
    “When called, he will come straight to heal.”

    The chap who invented the wheel
    Couldn’t get the idea to congeal.
    “The concept is there”,
    Said his wife, “But a square?
    “It needs to be rounder, I feel.”

  25. Brian Allgar says:

    Bother! I’ve just realised that when I dashed off my first piece above, I forgot that ‘obscene’ was supposed to be the rhymeword. Oh, well, back to the drawing-board.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    For a limerick, smutty’s okay,
    But scatology’s best kept away.
    No point if they’re clean,
    So they should be obscene
    But not turd, is what I always say,

  27. A man thought he was unseen
    and started to dress down obscene.
    People said, “You ain’t invisible!
    You’re just so damned dismissable
    and don’t even rate in our scene!”

  28. Jean E McEwen says:

    My suggestion? Avoid the latrine,
    Or else brace for the stench and the scene
    From the strata of shit
    That persist in the pit.
    It is hardly a House of Hygiene.

  29. Jean E McEwen says:

    When I got, at the age of sixteen,
    My first set of wheels, I was green–
    Didn’t realize the need
    To take heed of my speed.
    That first crash, though, I should have foreseen.

  30. Jean E McEwen says:

    My Apple Watch tells me I sleep
    Like a log, never hearing a peep.
    But I think it is lying
    ‘Cause lying there, trying
    To sleep, I just keep counting sheep.

  31. Rudy Landesman says:

    I work at GM and I feel
    That my job’s not exactly ideal.
    Because I am new,
    I get little to do;
    And it seems I am just a fifth wheel.

  32. Rudy Landesman says:

    Of lim’ricks there has been a glut,
    Resplendent with puns and with smut.
    So, what can we glean
    From this dismal scene?
    Good taste has been down in a rut.

  33. Mike Moulton says:

    DeSantis loves to make scenes,
    Broadcasting his racist routines
    Says he’s anti-woke
    But we know the joke
    Is he has no idea what ‘woke’ means.

  34. Terry Marter says:

    Said the ape “Let’s escape, here’s the deal:
    I’ll steal the zoo’s truck, – take the wheel”
    They were caught in Havana
    Selling dodgy banana.
    The arrest was then (s)quashed on appeel.

  35. Bob Turvey says:

    When I was a very young man
    I loved tractors as much as folk can.
    An air-moving machine
    Then came onto the scene –
    And now I’m an extractor fan.

  36. Bob Turvey says:

    It is said that a house in Ephesus
    Is the home of the mother of Jesus.
    Many times have we been
    But she’s never been seen –
    So I think that she hides when she sees us.

  37. Bob Turvey says:

    To write a great limerick that’s clean
    The ending must be unforeseen.
    If you can’t make each rhyme
    Sublime every time
    Then it’s better off being obscene.

  38. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a lady, “My brand new bile d..d..d..d..duct
    Is there ‘cos the old one was f..f..f..f..failing to work.
    I just love it to b..b..b..b..bits.
    It’s right under my t..t..t..t..tum
    Which my husband has quite often s..s..s..s..seen.

  39. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A somnambulist said to a shrink,
    “I’m a sleepwalker. What do you think?”
    Said the doc, “I’m a fan
    Of walking, so can
    We meet up Friday night for a drink?”

  40. Bob Turvey says:

    A structure of wheels within wheels –
    What could be the truth it conceals?
    Well, Ezekiel said,
    “I saw it in my head,
    After ten beers and two dodgy meals.”

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    Quite simply, I’ve never been keen
    On judging some things as obscene.
    Suppose what is viewed,
    Whether naughty or lewd,
    Is something somewhere in between.

  42. DAISY WARD says:

    A man wanted to be seen
    After wearing cut out butt jeans
    He enticed a crowd
    Who got very loud
    Because what he wore was obscene

  43. DAISY WARD says:

    He tried to put on a scene
    Because the wig he wore was lime green
    He sashayed about
    Like a boastful peacock
    He’s now a high paid drag queen

  44. DAISY WARD says:

    The meal didn’t turn out as plan
    No season, the food was bland
    His friends chewed him out
    Then scattered about
    He realized, they wasn’t a fan

  45. Doug Harris says:

    There once was a Curate named Jean
    Who had an affair with the Dean.
    One sermon perverse
    They were seen to rehearse
    The one on the Mount, how obscene!

  46. Doug Harris says:

    Proverb-dyslexic Irene
    Says stuff that she really don’t mean.
    Today she got riled
    At her noisy young child
    And screamed, “Kids should be heard and not seen!”

  47. Dave Johnson says:

    When drowsiness hastens its creep,
    My state of repose is quite deep.
    As chill as it seems,
    If there aren’t any dreams,
    There’s nothing to watch in my sleep.

  48. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ancient potters had grown discontented,
    All their “potty” stuff misrepresented.
    Said one entrepreneur,
    “We will THROW our manure!”
    So the very first wheel was invented.

  49. Rudy Landesman says:

    If they call you to testify, go!
    Though the wheels of our justice are slow.
    It’s very de jure,
    And I’ll always view your
    Subpoenas with envy, you know.

    A pun?

  50. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oh,oh. “de jure” is pronounced in English as [DAY] + [JOOR] + [EE]

    So, let’s give it another try.

    If they call you to testify, go!
    Though the wheels of our justice are slow.
    It’s your duty, for sure.
    And I’ll always view your
    Subpoenas with envy, you know

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    That night was indeed quite upsetting.
    Something told me that I would be sweating.
    Never known as ideal,
    Once again, the third wheel
    At my very own elegant wedding.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Watchman’s the one who assigns
    The chefs to make food of all kinds.
    He asked “Killer Lucille”
    Her request for “last meal”
    Lucy asked for the list of white wines

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Death Penalty 2022 Texas

    The Watchman’s the one who assigns
    The chefs to make food of all kinds.
    He asked “Killer Lucille”
    Her request for “last meal”
    And she asked for the list of white wines.


  54. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When a King feared his food had been basted,
    With a poison, he’d have it pre-tasted.
    If the taster fell dead,
    The King watched him and said,
    “What a pity — another meal wasted.”

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Life As A Pilgrim” ( I use Pond’s to look much younger)

    We pilgrims were smelly, (not clean)
    Pickled parsley, our fav’rite cuisine.
    God would sure look askance
    If we jived the new dance.
    And it killed us to not be obscene.

  56. Rudy Landesman says:

    Well, hello, Lisi
    It’s so nice to have you back where you belong

    From Mad:

    I couldn’t resist posting “Hello Dolly.”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thanks, Rudy!

    The Senior Home’s wisely created
    With ramps, and we all are elated.
    On each wheelchair’s a sign
    With a lovely design
    Which states, “Walking’s Plumb Overrated”

  58. Don Lazarre says:

    I’m writing this lim’rick ‘bout ‘seen’.
    It’s dull. It’s not even obscene!
    Who picked this damn word?
    Oh, Mad Kane, I’ve heard!
    It isn’t good. Know what I mean?

  59. Don Lazarre says:

    The limelight, he still wants to steal.
    His motto makes evil so real:
    “If you’re not a ‘Trumper’,
    You’re a ‘mother humper’!”
    Let’s kick him off his fortune wheel!

  60. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Lisi is back –hooray! I echo Rudy’s and Mad’s and Satchmo’s
    joyful “Hello!”

  61. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I bought a small a compost machine;
    The stuff it exudes is obscene.
    As I muck the thing out,
    About this there’s no doubt:
    I do not enjoy going green.

  62. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Sorry for the small….a….typo. Now I must clog the blog with
    more composting posting.

    I bought a small compost machine;
    The stuff it exudes is obscene.
    As I muck the thing out,
    About this there’s no doubt:
    I DO not enjoy going green.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Our Disneyland room had a terrace,
    That seemed fit for a queen or an heiress.
    Said my friend, with a squeal,
    “Look — I see a big wheel!”
    But, alas, it was only the Ferris.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thank you Mad, Rudy, Sjaan, and Satchmo, (in heaven)
    “Randoms” from Dolly

    “Last Line Just A Joke”

    My fans have bestowed recognition.
    And soon, I shall add a submission.
    Although you’ve been nice,
    Here’s sagacious advice:
    Watch out for some stiff competition.

    (Yeah, Right) :)

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend’s a “hot sex machine”.
    He calls me his “Sensual Queen.”
    But last night when he stayed,
    I was somewhat dismayed
    Cause he didn’t create a big scene.

  66. Terry Marter says:

    (Theme and randoms)

    Retired, and perceived as a loner,
    She loves travel; food; sex (she’s a moaner!)
    She gets her best “high”
    When the Meals On Wheels guy
    Serves her meat & two veg, with a boner.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After lettuce each meal as his diet,
    Mouse then jumps on his wheel. What a riot!
    I may watch with disdain,
    But his message is plain:
    “It’s exercise — you ought to try it.”

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    They’re known as “Asleep at the Wheel”;
    The band with a Texas-twang feel.
    When Willie began
    To sit in with the clan,
    His high notes were part of the deal.

    (Willie Nelson recorded “Willie and the Wheel” a few years back.)

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Limerick

    My fans have bestowed recognition.
    And soon I shall post a submission.
    Although they’re real nice,
    For them, I’ve advice:
    Watch out for some stiff competition.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Neighborhood Watch

    That damn “Neighborhood Watch” makes me weep.
    I can’t even tempt “Bill the Creep
    With my breasts hanging low,
    And my one tooth aglow.
    I’ve been trying for years. I need sleep.

  71. Tim James says:

    An ex-president started to whine:
    “Give me back all those papers! They’re MINE!”
    Let the adage be so:
    Wheels of justice grind slow,
    But also exceedingly fine.

  72. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “The Wheel” is a comforting game.
    Ev’ry time that I watch, it’s the same.
    When I stare at the blanks,
    As a fan I give thanks
    To both V_ _ _ _ and old Whats_ _ _name.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I remember when I was fourteen
    My grammar was not very keen.
    Then I met Tutor Geek
    Who taught me to speak.
    He’s the best teacher I ever seen.

  74. Rudy Landesman says:

    If you are an entrepreneur,
    Be ready for what will occur;
    When manure hits the fan.
    Though you’ve done all you can,
    Your business goes bust in a blur.

  75. Terry Marter says:

    Police woman, all calm and serene,
    Said “That yellow junk yours?” near the scene.
    She meant my wrecked Comet.
    Me, dazed, thinking ‘vomit’
    said “Mine’s over here, – and it’s green”.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “wifey” refuses to whirl.
    Even worse, she will not do “The Twirl”
    She is always asleep.
    All night long I would weep.
    Till I found me a sweet business girl.

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    A porn acting novice, Kayleen,
    Was questioning – “What does it mean
    When Jake over there
    Says he’s ‘loaded for bear’?
    I thought we were shooting a scene.”

  78. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The charmed Prince gave the Beauty a poke.
    He’d been watching her sleep. Now he spoke:
    “One whole century gone —
    This is no time to yawn.
    Now wake up! Or you’ll never get woke.”

  79. Rudy Landesman says:

    A private limerick for Mad and me.

    My lim’rick was deemed to be spam?
    Because of the Mencken I am?
    It wasn’t obscene.
    Perhaps a tad mean.
    But frankly, I don’t give a damn.

  80. Dave Johnson says:

    The business of “I like to watch”
    Is something you don’t want to botch.
    For viewers these days,
    Let them see how it plays
    By raising things more than a notch.

  81. Tim James says:

    I once stiffed a psychic named Jeanne.
    I feel guilty, so now I’ll come clean.
    She had billed me a grand
    But I told her, “Pound sand!” —
    Which was something she should have foreseen.

  82. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To spice up my writing routine,
    I searched out new words, all obscene.
    I’d use them in verses,
    But golly gee curses,
    I have no idea what they mean.

  83. Dave Johnson says:

    An airliner dumping its can
    Flew over the house where a man
    Was watching a game.
    Through his ceiling it came;
    And that’s when the shit hit the fan.

    (True story – A few years ago, a Seahawks fan was watching a game
    when a frozen block of lavatory waste discharged by an airliner
    came crashing through his ceiling. Luckily, no one was hurt.)

  84. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A male cheetah with amorous zeal,
    Watched the females, then made his appeal.
    One gal saw a gazelle,
    And replied, “Very well.
    But first you must spring for a meal.”

  85. Terry Marter says:

    I’m the brain inside MY human’s head;
    My business is: Meals; toilet; bed.
    Plus, when it can’t sleep,
    I provide lots of sheep,
    Or write lim’s, -It’s so easily lead.

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    The D-Rump still bellows and squeals;
    Regurgitates “all of those steals”.
    His campaign befits
    This malodorous blitz;
    A garbage truck spinning its wheels.

  87. Tim James says:

    A sailor I’ve frequently seen
    Has a noteworthy posture and mien.
    One leg’s long, one leg’s short;
    So she lists some to port.
    Apropos, since her name is Eileen.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m embarrassed to admit this happened, but it actually DID !!
    “The Clueless Mother, Me” All that’s untrue is his name, because it didn’t rhyme.

    When my clutch start was stuck, I was fearing
    A heart attack, (near a dark clearing.)
    I called my son, Neil.
    He said, “Turn the wheel.”
    Still stumped, cause he didn’t say, “steering”

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    “A big meal sends me straight off to sleep –
    A fact known to the woman I keep.
    And when she’s feeling festive,
    Or randy and restive,
    She will feed me and leave me, the creep!”

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    “Mistress Fortune, when spinning her wheel,
    Seems to favour the blackguards with spiel.
    Not the kind and the meek,
    Who deserve a good week,
    But the blighters who lie, cheat and steal.”

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    “Okay people! Let’s finish this scene.
    And will someone get word to our queen!
    Biggus, luv, we need wood –
    Yes, right now, if you could …
    Get two fluffers to help him! He’s green.”

  92. Dave Johnson says:

    Her business is dances for laps;
    Considered the best one, perhaps.
    For gaining new fans,
    She has various plans;
    Allow them to fill in the gaps.

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    On second thought…

    Her business is dancing on laps;
    Considered the top one, perhaps.
    For gaining new fans,
    She has various plans;
    Allows them to fill in the gaps.

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    The governor tried to demean
    Porn actors for being “unclean.”
    They marched yesterday
    And the headline would say:
    “Obscenity causes a scene.”

  95. Terry Marter says:

    A purloiner of odes, “Carpe” Dimm,
    Stole a body of work, on a whim.
    Dimm’s dealer, so keen,
    Bought the ‘work’, – sight unseen
    But the ‘body’ was missing a lim’.

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    A porn film collector would screen
    The movies he managed to glean.
    Whenever the mood,
    One-by-one they were viewed;
    In short, that would make them obseen.

  97. Rudy Landesman says:

    It was Silicon Valley, the bank,
    That recently went in the tank.
    What to make of this scene.
    Does this really mean,
    That the whole banking system is rank?

  98. Rudy Landesman says:

    Silicon Valley part 2

    You withdrew all your money, you say?
    And you stashed it quite safely away,
    Where it can not be seen?
    Now you’re calm and serene?
    Is it under your mattress today?

  99. Rudy Landesman says:

    Silicon Valley 2 Redux

    You withdrew all your money today?
    And you stashed it quite safely away
    Where it can not be seen?
    Now you’re calm and serene?
    It’s now under your mattress, you say?

  100. Terry Marter says:

    Watching ovines en masse is absurd
    Those who count (frankly) should be referred.
    Those noisy-beast sheep
    In your routine (to sleep)
    Should be seen single file, and not herd.

  101. Dave Johnson says:

    A naturist from Abilene
    Is one who will posture and preen.
    She’ll lounge in her chair
    While the neighbors all stare;
    A scene of anatomy seen.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    “How To Bungle A Bank Robbery”

    He said that his business is “stealing”.
    Alas, this guy’s M.O’s revealing.
    His name is Gerard.
    Gives bankers his “card.”
    He works for the firm of Shla-Mealing.”

  103. Dave Johnson says:

    We stepped out last night for a meal.
    This new place that never did feel
    Quite right; waiter Stan
    Was a MAGA hat fan,
    So doggie bags finished the deal.

  104. Tim James says:

    A businessman thought he’d get far
    As he watched a hot gal in a bar.
    His attempt was a loss;
    She was wed to his boss.
    Now he sleeps and takes meals in his car.

  105. Dave Johnson says:

    When someone exclaims “that’s obscene!”
    I’ll try to discern what they mean.
    Expressing dismay
    At some naughty display?
    OK, let me look at your screen…

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    He purchased a self-driving car
    For traveling both near and far.
    As part of his deal,
    They pre-programmed the wheel
    To steer him back home from the bar.

    One night on the way, he was stopped.
    The officer noticed he’d propped
    His feet on the dash;
    Then an offer of cash
    The car made and charges were dropped.

  107. Jeremy Andrew says:

    When I drive the passengers feel
    Nervous as four tyres squeal
    But they really turn white
    When I close my eyes tight
    And shout “Jesus please take the wheel!”

  108. Andy Spragg says:

    Political, albeit parochially so from a UK PoV:

    The wheels of justice grind slow,
    But exceedingly fine, don’tcha know,
    But not in the Met,
    Fine’s unstarted yet,
    After twenty-five years of no-go.

  109. Dave Johnson says:

    Directing an X-rated scene,
    His style was demand and demean.
    An actor he tasked
    With a retake was asked
    “Who said you get rest in between?”

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    “I was roused from a very deep sleep,
    Much annoyed at an incessant bleep
    Which, invading my dreams,
    Had undone all my schemes
    To watch football in bed with Ms Streep.”

  111. Tim James says:

    I said to my wife, “Take the wheel
    While I finish my Taco Bell meal.”
    She peeled out. I’d a hunch
    That I might lose that lunch.
    She’s a fan of Andretti, for real.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    “Let me help you to picture the scene:
    Summer’s day; cricket match; village green.
    Thwack! The leather meets bat;
    Village bobby sans hat;
    Raucous laughter from all. (Was that mean?)”

  113. Dave Johnson says:

    Right here in our city you’ll find
    A business that’s one-of-a-kind.
    If you’re a big fan
    Of the movies, you can
    Indulge but “be kind – please rewind.”

  114. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though his Business Plan reads a bit clunky,
    He presents it with pride cuz he’s spunky.
    Plus, he knows where to find,
    A used organ to grind.
    All he needs are some fans and a monkey.

  115. Jon Gearhart says:

    When I make a date for a MEAL
    I choose Liberals. What’s the appeal?
    They’re fun, smart, and, hey,
    They pay their own way
    (And I WATCH for a Two-For-One deal!)

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    Watch out if you like “Kelly’s” grub.
    It’s not a salubrious pub.
    The food tastes like kibble.
    Don’t eat even a nibble.
    There’s a cat in the backroom meal-tub.

  117. Rudy Landesman says:

    I can’t keep my urges at bay.
    No more Mister Nice Guy, I say.
    Just watch as I steal —
    (And it won’t be piecemeal) —
    Your heart and your soul, all the way.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you heard about Margie O’Boyle?
    She eats 12 meals a day. You’d recoil
    If you watched her in spikes
    When she constantly strikes
    About 42 gallons of oil.

  119. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To his parents the Typical Teen,
    May appear to dislike being seen.
    To his room he retreats,
    But soon takes to the streets,
    With a coif he has dyed neon green.

  120. Terry Marter says:

    Wheels of fortune get stuck in the mud, –
    Bring you straight back to earth with a thud.
    Then your mind fills with doubt
    As the wheels turn about
    And a voice murmers “Trust me, – I’m Gud”.

  121. Dave Johnson says:

    (Last line change for my 03/22 6:28 pm post)

    He purchased a self-driving car
    For traveling both near and far.
    As part of his deal,
    They pre-programmed the wheel
    To steer him back home from the bar.

    One night on the way, he was stopped.
    The officer noticed he’d propped
    His feet on the dash;
    Then an offer of cash
    Was made by the car – Charges dropped.

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Used to stand and watch hookers stroll by.
    Couldn’t rise to that pie in the sky.
    Now their business is growing,
    It’s a thrill to be owing
    It to PhalloFill. Give it a try.

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Does anyone understand “King Lear” , cause I sure don’t.
    “Act 3, Scene 4”

    The most puzz’ling scene I’ve ever seen
    In “King Lear” is betwixt and between.
    Is Edgar Poor Tom?
    (Who is surely not calm)
    Or did Eddie have too much caffeine?

  124. Diane Groothuis says:

    I like to sleep after a meal
    That’s usually how I do feel
    And I do have to watch
    After imbibing Scotch
    Or I’ll lose on my next business deal

  125. Keone Morienga says:

    127 Hours

    When a boulder dislodged and then landed,
    Aron Ralston thus found himself stranded.
    Not the stickiest scene
    In which he’s ever been,
    He got out of that jam single-handed!

  126. Brian Allgar says:

    (Rhymeword + random)

    I was falling asleep on the can,
    When into my mind this thought ran:
    Are Mad’s limericks obscene?
    “FUCK!” See what I mean?
    That’s probably why I’m a fan.

  127. Rudy Landesman says:

    There can be no greater ordeal
    Than watching your dog eat his meal.
    He slobbers and slurps,
    Passes gas as he burps;
    But you love him, if he learns to heel.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    A true limerick: “Spunky and Feisty Senior Citizen” (Me)

    My life is now very serene.
    I’ve met Alan. I feel like a queen.
    The truth must be told.
    Although we are old,
    We’re still naughty and rather obscene.

  129. Mike Young says:


    So when looking at many a scene
    I am glad that not one is obscene
    Which is such a relief
    There is then just no grief
    Or the need to forget what I’ve seen.

    Where I live we call an auto a motor
    And attached to each corner’s a rotor.

  130. Mike Young says:

    Where I live we call an auto a motor
    And attached to each corner’s a rotor
    We call each a wheel
    And through corners they squeal
    “Cos they don’t want to end up factota!

  131. Mike Young says:


    First it’s business, then evening meal
    And I’ll watch a film reel to reel
    I watch one, not a heap.
    That would send me to sleep
    And the breeze from the fam I’d not feel.

  132. Mike Young says:

    FAN not FAM!!!

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Take Me Home Country Roads” (John Denver)

    Manhattan is not real appealing.
    Those “yankees” up here get me reeling!
    I don’t see no cricks.
    I miss all them hicks.
    I’m makin’ my way back to Wheeling.

  134. Terry Marter says:

    A lewd exhibitionist queen
    Loved to publicly do things obscene.
    When I whispered to her
    ‘Bout the sex I’d like prefer,
    She suddenly wasn’t too keen.

  135. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I had “Doggie Cam” synced to my phone,
    So if business calls, Pup’s not alone.
    Should he make a big swatch
    Of my couch, I can watch,
    And then yell at the screen, “Not a bone!”

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Wheel Of Fortune’s” a game I must win.
    On my face, you will ne’er see a grin.
    I’m not a big dope.
    So I won’t give up hope.
    Cause now it is my turn to spin.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Off To The Mart”

    That “scooter” is great at the mart.
    Sit down, press the button, then start.
    Walking used to be fun,
    But now I am done.
    I can’t even wheel the damn cart.

  138. Mark Totterdell says:

    This limerick’s deep and quite lyrical,
    It isn’t remotely satirical,
    But if I keep it clean
    Without turning obscene
    It will be such a fucking great miracle.

  139. Larz says:

    BARNYARD Ob-Scene-ity:
    A buxom young heifer, Maxine,
    Had brisket the best ever seen.
    In the bulls’ psyche
    She’s Aphrodite
    With teats of dimension Holstein.

    An oxen endowed in extreme,
    Rose up every day with a gleam.
    He’d come hot to trot
    And loved when he got
    A taste of her heavenly cream.

    Then all the hot bulls looking mean
    Would rut with intentions obscene.
    But she never cowed
    To that horny crowd
    She fancied the milking machine.

  140. Mark Totterdell says:

    So a couple have sex on the screen,
    It’s explicit, in close-up, obscene.
    Well I guess you should know
    It’s a BBC show
    And a couple of rabbits I mean.

  141. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    My Small Business deal will not go well.
    With no fan of my plan I can tell.
    Those “angels” I call on
    (I’m certain they’re fallen)
    Are invested in saying, “Like hell!”

  142. Tim James says:

    A Limerick Travel Guide

    The folks are free-wheeling in Wheeling;
    In Steele there’s a fair bit of stealing.
    There’s NO fun at all
    To be found in Blue Ball,
    But in Fucking there’s lots of good feeling.

    These are all real places. Wheeling is in West Virginia, Steele is in Missouri, Blue Ball is in Pennsylvania, and Fucking is in Austria (though they changed the name a couple of years ago because their street signs kept getting stolen).

  143. Charles Simmons says:

    A crafty old conger named Dean
    Was the Knave of Hearts for the Queen
    Stole and ate the Queen’s tarts
    But, left a trail of farts
    And was captured not far from the scene

  144. madkane says:

    Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  145. Charles Simmons says:

    I recall when I got my first wheels
    There’s nothing compared to that appeals
    Picked up my best girlfriend Jo
    Then of to a drive in show
    And ripped off hearing the tires squeal ⁹

  146. Debby (Daisy Mae) Simon says:

    When spring insects emerge, it’s obscene
    I despise them, they love me-they’re mean!
    I’m a human burrito
    To the Midwest mosquito
    A bug’s low-carb meal- pure protein!

  147. Dave Johnson says:

    With justice now turning its wheel,
    We’re hearing an odious squeal
    From T-Rump and friends;
    He’ll need extra Depends
    If perp walking’s part of the deal.

  148. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 507. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Just.