Lining Up For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal was disturbed by a line …*

or

A man was disturbed by a line …*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Lining Up For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal was disturbed by a line
That stretched round the block to buy wine.
“Beaujolais Très Nouveau”
Read the sign. She said, “No!
I need grapes fully weaned from the vine.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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56 Responses to “Lining Up For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Linkmeister says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    which purported to measure the sine
    Said he “That line has no angle!
    It’s naught but a tangle!
    The drafter’s clearly been at the wine!”

  2. Bob Dvorak says:

    A man was disturbed by a line:
    Bill O’Reilly said “We’re in decline.”
    That guy, no great thinker,
    Ate all, hook and sinker –
    Does nought now but sit there and whine.

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    that wound round the block like a vine
    He tried to cut in
    A crass, mortal sin
    He was shot by all 299!

  4. Jesse Levy says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    uttered by one Frankenstein.
    All he said was “Friend?”
    But her scream did offend.
    Better to politely decline.

  5. Patrick says:

    A gal was disturbed by the line

    when a Limey said she was ‘fine’–

    but that wasn’t his word:

    he called her a’bird’

    and asked her to tweet him a sign.

  6. Kathy El-Assal says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    From the artist who thought her divine.
    Her perky exposure
    And total disclosure
    Brought offers she had to decline.

  7. Claudia says:

    a gal was disturbed by a line
    that ran like a snake along her spine
    and she tried to get rid
    with one single hit
    with success and now everything’s fine

  8. brian miller says:

    a guy was disturbed by a line
    that ran up her silk legs so fine
    distracted him all night
    though he tried to be polite
    he could get nothing else on his mind.

  9. Chris Papa says:

    Homer disturbed folks by line,
    That said Circe changed men to swine,
    He’d add, in debate,
    “‘Twas their nat’ral state,
    When guzzling too much ouzo wine.”

  10. From Patience:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    She got from this guy so divine.
    He said “taste my sweet apple
    Then we’ll go to the chapel”,
    But Adam the pear man was lyin’.

    From the Prodigal:

    A guy was disturbed by a line
    He found in the silt by the Rhine
    He pulled very hard
    Until he got charred
    By a left-over active land mine.

  11. Lee Magilow says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    Its straightness to him would entwine
    His doc said, “I love ya”
    but it seems your fovea
    I’m going to need to refine.

  12. Pat Hatt says:

    A man was disturbed by a line,
    As he saw it’s gathering sign
    It said “Be sure to shave,
    The situation isn’t so grave”
    You’re just about to be snip snip like a feline

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A gal was enticed by the line
    “Oh baby I’ll bend back your spine!”
    She favored rough play,
    And did hope he’d stay,
    Sliding into a pose more supine.

  14. Mark Kane says:

    A gal was enticed by the line:
    “Submit to my whip (Cat o’Nine).”
    He might think that hot,
    Though sadly it’s not,
    But a paddle of pine would be fine!

  15. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A gal in a bar got the line
    “Hey, Babe, so what is your sign?”
    She ordered a draft
    Then mockingly laughed,
    “ So outdated- you sound asinine!”

  16. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    The sleek auto’s speed, look and line
    Made drivers feel up on cloud nine
    The DeLorean car
    Should have gone really far
    It’s problem? Snorting roadway’s white line(s)

  17. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A jerk thought he’d try with a line,
    To pick up a gal he thought fine
    And though hearing impaired,
    She was quite well prepared
    He got fingered- Her third–Yay for ‘Sign!’

  18. John Sardo says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    Written by a prophet divine
    It forbade a divorce
    He expressed his remorse
    But continued to lie with the ladies supine.

  19. John Sardo says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    About lying with men supine
    It’s forbidden without marriage
    Yet who could disparage
    The great times with the guys she’d recline.

  20. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Love and War”

    His moves breached her Maginot Line
    As he bid her, “Surrender, you’re mine.”
    But her forces regrouped
    And advanced as she whooped:
    “The Allies are crossing the Rhine!”

  21. A gal was disturbed by a line
    That was scrawled in a red valentine
    Written on the inside
    “I want you for my bride”
    With the signature “Love Frankenstein”

  22. JulesPaige says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    The filament balled like brown twine
    His ultimate wish
    Was to catch a fine fish
    But all he could do was to whine

    or

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    Her fishnet hose was quite fine
    Didn’t want to play fair
    As she hobbled up the stair
    To relieve her bladder from wine

  23. Veralynne says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    ‘Cept for that one, the rest were just fine.
    Her sensibilities were low
    So, wouldn’t you know?
    ‘Twas porn she liked for her WHOLE Valentine!

  24. Veralynne says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    That showed up on his table of pine.
    A scratch really, or more like a groove,
    That happened in the cross-country move.
    He said, “I guess I’ll just levy a fine.”

  25. Veralynne says:

    Cowgirl was disturbed by a line
    Wearing ten gallons and boots! Really fine!
    The gals two-stepped, sashayed;
    Cowboys loved how they played.
    But our girl, not a dancer, was lef’ behin’…

  26. Jesse Levy says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    delivered in a nasal whine.
    Lamont is a klutz,
    she’s driving us nuts!
    For her, silent films will be fine.

  27. This man is disturbed by the line
    That’s bisecting your country from mine
    Without it we’d be living
    With twice the Thanksgiving
    And I think that that would be fine!

  28. A man was disturbed by a ligne -
    A word that he couldn’t define
    His wife said, “It’s nuttin’
    “But the size of a button!
    “You need a thesaurus? Use mine!”

  29. Green Speck says:

    Over-speeding, she heard the line,
    “Ma’am, you gotta pay your fine.”
    She got out of her car,
    Took the cop to a bar,
    And winked, “Would you like to be on cloud nine?”

  30. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    Which sent tingles of joy up his spine
    It said ‘We’ve not met
    But I think you’re a pet’
    But the writer neglected to sign!

  31. Craig says:

    The villainess hired from a line,
    Evil henchmen until she had nine.
    When she reached number ten
    Sent him back home again
    Saying “You sir, are no fiend of mine.”

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    A mechanic’s disturbed by a line
    In a limerick said to be mine.
    He said, “Wheels are not straight
    On your car.” I just hate
    When he’s trying to feed me align.

  33. A man is disturbed by a line
    That secessionists now do opine
    “We should split red and blue,
    It’s much better if you
    Go your own way and let me go mine”

  34. Luke Prater says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    a guy spat at her (with wine).
    Of course, she said “no! -
    How low can you go?”
    His shoes lost some of their shine.

  35. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    To fill up for $3.49:
    “To queue for a penny’s
    A favorite of many,”
    Said she, “But it’s not one of mine.”

  36. Dr. Goose says:

    Mel Brooks was disturbed by a line
    In his screenplay for “Young Frankenstein”:
    “‘The monster’s big dong’
    Is somehow just wrong,
    But ‘Schwanzstück’, instead, is just fine.”

  37. Dr. Goose says:

    Wagnerians wept at a line
    From the maidens who lived on the Rhine;
    While afloat in the nude,
    They would warble and brood:
    “Das Gold von dem Rhein ist nicht mein!”

  38. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    In the card from her sweet Valentine:
    “My darling,” it said,
    “I got you, instead
    Of some chocolates, some pickles in brine.”

  39. Dr. Goose says:

    A girl was intrigued by a line
    Of products for hair that was fine.
    They had all that you’d want
    For a six-inch bouffant;
    Some brunettes said they even got nine.

  40. Dr. Goose says:

    A farmer was irked by the line
    About casting of pearls before swine:
    “I raise mine, you see,
    Artisanally,
    So I ask of you not to malign.”

  41. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal was disturbed by the line
    Of the middle class’ income decline:
    “All the benefits went
    To the top 1%,
    And none to the next 99.”

  42. Kristi Coombs says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    that she read on a bottle of wine:
    “To get drunk much quicker
    you ought to try liquor,
    otherwise, this’ll do you just fine!”

  43. A man was disturbed by a line
    “you want to pretend that you’re mine?”
    I know that I’m green
    but really, I am queen
    and my land of make-believe is fine!

  44. Tim James says:

    A fellow used no pick-up line
    On a girl who by birth was Hawaiian.
    As she swayed to the hula
    He displayed wads of moolah.
    He got lei’d then, without further tryin’.

  45. Carolyn Henly says:

    Young Prince Hamlet disturbed by a line
    From a ghost claiming, “I’m Daddy thine,”
    Pondered long whether he
    Ought to be or not be:
    Left a Denmark in royal decline.

  46. Burns’ old teacher, disturbed by a line
    She’d read in his verse, ‘Auld Lang Syne’
    Sighed, “Isn’t it rotten?
    ‘Forgot’ for ‘forgotten’!
    “And we all thought that lad would do fine!”

  47. Tim James says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    Of chorus girls, not very fine.
    He found their resounding
    Loud stomping and pounding
    Exceedingly elephantine.

  48. colonialist says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    Appearing in song ‘Clementine’,
    ‘Feet where fish were packed stink
    Rather badly, I think –
    Unless they were pickled in brine.’

  49. Johanna Richmond says:

    A milkman turned white at the line
    He heard someone’s husband opine:
    “Spilled milk? No — that stain
    Is utterly plain,
    And it’s bull that its bovine or mine!”

  50. Cathy Holdorf says:

    A gal was disturbed by a line
    of cocaine she found on her behind.
    She’d woken that morn
    thinking she’d be reborn
    if the Lord would just show her a sign.

  51. Charley Simmons says:

    Eve was disturbed by a line
    from a slick talking snake on a vine.
    Of the apple she ate.
    Adam too took the bait.
    Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

    Adam too took the bait.
    Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

  52. Charley Simmons says:

    Eve was disturbed by a line
    from a slick talking snake on a vine.
    Of the apple she ate.
    Adam too took the bait.
    Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

  53. Laura Moran says:

    A man was disturbed by a line
    he received in a sweet Valentine
    “I’ve great news to share
    If you’ll just me me there!”
    But no time, place, or name did she sign…

  54. Dr. Goose says:

    I’m seldom disturbed by a line
    Of pure economic design
    In graphics and charts,
    Unless it departs
    From a closely held thesis of mine.

  55. madkane says:

    Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 89.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Bright Limerick.

  56. Hoot Gibson says:

    I’m seldom disturbed by the line
    That says that I “should be buy’n
    A new house or new car
    Or health foods by the jar.”
    I don’t buy! I hope they are cry’n