Limerick Pose (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman would frequently pose…*

or

A fellow would frequently pose…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Pose
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A critic would frequently pose
A challenge to musical shows:
With his venom so vast,
Closing night would come fast.
His view: Not just anything goes.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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82 Responses to “Limerick Pose (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Okay, I’m a little out of condition. As a warm-up, I’m just going straight for for Edward Lear silliness:

    A woman would frequently pose
    With a moose on the tip of her nose.
    Its magnificent rack
    Could have damaged her back,
    But it’s not something she’d presuppose.

  2. Brion Emde says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    With nothing on, only a rose
    Strategically placed
    And fingers enlaced
    To conceal as much as she chose

  3. Hoot Gibson says:

    A tomboy would frequently pose
    In tattered and heavily patched clothes.
    When asked by a varmint,
    “What’s wit yer garment?
    “I itches, I scratches’s how it goes.

  4. Brion Emde says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    With nothing on, only a rose
    Strategically placed
    And fingers enlaced
    To conceal just as much as she chose

    (with help from Madeleine)

  5. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    In very undignified clothes
    On her feet she wore spats,
    On her head she wore hats
    And the parts in between simply froze.

  6. John Sardo says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    In panties and dark colored hose
    It drove hubby nuts
    He would cling to her butt’s
    Soft curves in his lover’s sweet throes.

  7. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently pose
    Face-front to hide his large nose
    It’s aquiline features
    Daunted sweet creatures
    But their charms he’d win with the prose he’d compose.

  8. Mark Kane says:

    In Holland whores frequently pose
    Their sweet curvy bodies sans clothes.
    In a crimson lit window,
    They work hard to kindle,
    Hot business with each of their shows.

  9. Brion Emde says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    Conundrums in rhyme and not prose
    Though frequently cryptic
    They act as Trip Tik
    And knowledge spurned by her work grows

  10. Brion Emde says:

    Oops – typo

    A woman would frequently pose
    Conundrums in rhyme and not prose
    Though frequently cryptic
    They act as Trip Tik
    And knowledge spurred by her work grows

  11. A woman would frequently pose
    With a finger jammed way up her nose
    She explained, “Listen, sugar,
    “I’ve got a HUGE booger
    “I need to keep track where it goes!”

  12. hansi says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    In the buff, without any clothes
    It soon got old
    When it got very cold
    For she would shiver, from her head to her toes.

  13. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    With a big fire hose
    Her recent hire
    Wanted her to put out a fire
    But she didn’t have the right clothes

  14. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A mathematical model should pose
    The conditions for turbulent flows
    Through discreet propositions
    And refined expositions—
    And all while she’s wearing no clothes.

  15. Mark Kane says:

    A woman, she struck quite the pose
    Lying naked in quiet repose.
    For she could surmise,
    From his swelling firm size,
    That soon it would ebb once it flows.

  16. Green Speck says:

    A lady would frequently pose
    With arrogance in her long nose.
    Tired of this habit
    Her guy said Stop it!
    Else your best friend will get my rose.

  17. Phyllis Reinhard says:

    Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
    A question-what’s verse and what’s prose?
    She lifted her Stein
    And declared both were fine,
    Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”

  18. Veralynne says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    A question to most of her beaux
    “Are you clean and not sick?
    Let me look at your dick.
    Wash it and we’ll see how it grows.”

  19. Veralynne says:

    A fellow would frequently pose
    For an art class–of course he’d expose!
    The college girls were hot
    So he fantasized a lot
    His wife never complained, Heaven knows!

  20. Johanna Richmond says:

    Sally’s neighbor would frequently pose
    With his long, turgid, high-power hose,
    Unaware of the presage
    Diluting the message:
    His minuscule fingers and toes.

  21. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently pose
    tough questions to me (oh my woes)
    See, I just couldn’t answer
    how best to cure cancer
    So, I punched him real hard in the nose.

  22. Johanna Richmond says:

    It was feared an art teacher might pose
    A real threat to her junior van Goghs
    When she cried out, “Alright,
    One more bad Starry Night
    And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”

  23. Phyllis Reinhard says:

    Politicians who frequently pose
    A threat to all women expose
    Unelectable fates
    For misogynist traits-
    We have binders of men to depose!

  24. Johanna Richmond says:

    A poem may unwittingly pose
    A challenge to limerick hos.
    So review every angle
    And watch what you dangle.
    You doubt me? Ask Jamie — he knows.

  25. Rich D says:

    Pranksters do frequently pose
    a threat to class members who doze.
    a girl once did wake up
    to discover her makeup
    was gluing two pens in her nose!

  26. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow who would frequently pose
    “The question” got up every girl’s nose
    Any woman he’d see
    He’d ask “marry me?”
    After getting down on one knee to propose

  27. Fair citizens will frequently pose
    Questions of Mitt’s tax disclose.
    “If you’ve nothing to hold back,
    Then just show us Jack!”
    That reveal must hurt him, he knows.

  28. A woman would frequently pose
    For pictures with most favorite beaus.
    Whether clothed or bare
    She hardly did care
    As long as her assets she did disclose.

  29. JulesPaige says:

    A fellow would frequently pose
    Jim Durante’s twin was his nose
    Selected rhinoplasty
    Got rid of that nasty
    Then chose to wear pantyhose

  30. A woman would frequently pose
    In nothing but garters and hose
    A silhouette sweet
    From her head to her feet
    Except for her toucan-like nose

  31. Tim James says:

    Dispatch from a Battleground State

    Where I live the pollsters all pose
    Political questions to those
    Who will vote this election.
    It’s too bad our selection
    Is all Larrys and Curlys and Moes.

  32. JazzBumpa says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    At my studio, sans all her clothes.
    I quite liked the view;
    When the painting was through
    We discussed the first thing that arose.

    JzB

  33. a teacher would frequently pose
    odd questions to which no one knows
    the answers, so guesses
    led to several messes
    in poetry, lyrics, and prose

  34. Victoria says:

    I knew this one would give a few good laughs!

  35. Craig says:

    Sara Lee and Li’l Debbie would pose
    And do choco-erotica shows
    They’d unwrap one and lick it
    Oh the places they’d stick it!
    They put “hoe” back in Hostess Ho Hos.

  36. Granny Smith says:

    A poet would frequently pose
    This quaint question, “If nobody knows
    The way one should rhyme
    Or how to beat time
    Is he doomed to forever write prose?”

  37. Granny Smith says:

    A dragon would frequently pose
    As a lizard, a small one, he knows;
    No maidens to eat -
    That would be quite a feat!
    He prefers Barbie Dolls without clothes.

  38. Craig says:

    He’s well-hung, and the girls would all pose
    Hoping they’d be the one that he chose.
    But despite their encour’gin’
    That boys still a virgin
    Since he’s not really clear where it goes.

  39. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “Foreign and Domestic”

    The debate moderator should pose
    A policy question which goes:
    “On the hotline at night,
    Wielding all the State’s might,
    Will the emperor wear any clothes?”

  40. Jesse Levy says:

    An actor would frequently pose
    as a poor, poor artist with woes
    His auditions were bad
    but thanks to his dad
    his trust fund just constantly grows.

  41. Rich D says:

    A Cardinal is now left to pose
    questions of what brought on woes
    With a lead three-to-one
    their season now done
    and Giants now take on new foes

  42. Granny Smith says:

    As a linguist, he mulls over pose
    And repose and compose, and he knows,
    “They’re supposed to relate.
    I’ll oppose that, I state,
    And propose we transpose all the ‘O’s.”

  43. Craig says:

    So this model was striking a pose
    How she held so still, God only knows.
    Never moving an inch
    So I gave her a pinch …
    And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.

  44. Craig says:

    Rework to fix the tenses:

    So this model is striking a pose
    How she holds so still, God only knows.
    Never moving an inch
    So I gave her a pinch …
    And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.

  45. brian miller says:

    a woman would frequently pose
    up in the air went her nose
    filed to a point
    ever out of joint
    the justice was a run in her hose.

  46. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Apparently, poems can pose
    What their penners would never propose:
    I know less about mine
    (That’s no “Biblical” line!)
    Than Johanna suggests that she knows.

  47. Claudia says:

    a woman would frequently pose
    in dubious plays and shows
    with a skirt way to short
    and no one to support
    her constantly running nose… ok ok…i know my limericks are just crap..smiles

  48. Rich D says:

    Limericks often can pose
    challenges not found in prose
    Rhyming it slickly
    Meter is tricky
    Don’t try at home, leave to pros

  49. Rich D says:

    Icebergs frequently pose
    troubles to boats with their floes
    Passengers panic
    Down goes Titanic
    Ladies and children, not Joes

  50. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old hooker would frequently pose
    When young without any clothes
    Then the tricks she could win
    But now ugly as sin
    She looks like she’ll soon decompose

  51. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    Pretending to be a “Blue Nose”
    But while acting the scout
    Checking Protestants out
    She was caught and hung by the toes.

  52. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A wrinkled old harlot would pose
    And between her teeth hold a red rose
    When young it worked well
    Now the smell hides the spell
    So these days she’s right on the nose.

  53. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old hooker attempted to pose
    But tripped and fell on her nose
    Which upset her Podagra
    And Spinjinic-Mandragara
    Which left the old hag comatose.

  54. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    When young she looked good in a pose
    But this old hooker’s now on the nose
    Since her eyes lost their twinkles
    She’s got wrinkles on wrinkles
    Especially between the big toes.

  55. Johanna Richmond says:

    Ho ho ho, Craig, you certainly pose
    Quite a fanciful dreamscape for those
    Who’ve been try’n to abstain
    From the rod *and* the cane…
    Call it: “two cravings coming to blows.”

  56. Johanna Richmond says:

    I shall leave, Jamie, queries you pose
    With respect to how deeply one knows,
    The…uh…thing signified
    (Straight up or implied)
    To epistemological pros.

  57. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A sailor in the showers would pose
    As if he was not One Of Those!
    But crew knew he was gay
    And preffered him that way
    When his turn in the barrel arose.

  58. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old contortionist would pose
    With his Old Boy stuck up his nose
    “It clears my head”
    Were the last words he said
    As he entered the eternal doze.

  59. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A cross dresser who liked to pose
    In his wife’s really tight panty hose
    Had a sudden erection
    Causing panty deflection
    Which started to raise up his toes.

  60. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Her dinky spurned suitors would pose
    Their challenge to Big Mama Rose:
    “But my love is so deep!”
    She’d reply, “That’s a leap—
    It’s true, uh, as far as it goes.”

  61. Rich D says:

    Spinmeisters frequently pose
    interpretations other than those
    (that) we all did see
    (one the) debate on tv
    they start up and “Lawd! Thar she blows!”

  62. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    They found him set in a pose
    Days after the coolroom was closed
    As Rigor Mortis set in
    It was’nt a grin
    Which was left on his face when he froze

  63. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    Did’nt care that he could’nt pose
    With that bloody great wart on his nose
    For wherever he’d roam
    He could make hookers moan
    When he shoved it between their big toes

  64. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A dandy would frequently pose:
    “Do tell, what do you think of these clothes?”
    This time, though, I was rude
    Cuz the duds on that dude
    Had looked best when St. Jude first wore those.

  65. Johanna Richmond says:

    To her husband who’d frequently pose
    In her corset, lace panties and hose:
    “So you’ve got better tits,
    But you’re out of your wits
    If you think I’ll strap on one of THOSE!”

  66. Rich D says:

    Girls lined up one day to pose
    for photos for binders for those
    who can’t get a date
    but feel they must rate
    assistants for Mitt’s campaign pros

  67. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman would frequently pose –
    ENT’s worldwide photo’ed her nose.
    “You think I’m a freak?
    You really should speak
    To podiatrists! Check out my TOES!”

  68. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    To advertise a butcher would pose
    In his window without any clothes
    Hanging on him a sign
    Saying “Please look at mine,
    you’ll be glad my sausage you chose”

  69. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Florist used flowers to pose
    And grew on her left tit a Rose
    On her right one Aspalia
    On her twat a large Dahlia
    And an Orchid attached to her nose.

  70. Granny Smith says:

    A mermaid would frequently pose
    On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
    “They think it is chipper
    That I have a flipper.
    I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”

  71. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Paradoxical matrices pose
    A scene for each eye to compose.
    My trained eye sees columns,
    Impoverished and solemn.
    And as for “my wild eye? Rich rows.”

  72. Carolyn Henly says:

    Mitt Romney endeavors to pose
    As someone who actually knows.
    He tries to apprise
    But his lies take the prize:
    Therefore grows he Pinocchio’s nose.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman would frequently pose
    In bikinis, corsets and maillots,
    Thus keeping it spicy,
    While knowing precisely
    The bits that she wouldn’t expose.

  74. Dr. Goose says:

    Kim Kardashian’s eager to pose
    For her likeness in Mme. Tussaud’s,
    Whose supply closet lacks
    The requisite wax
    For her backside in tight-fitting clothes.

  75. Dr. Goose says:

    Some Democrats wanted to pose
    As the One Percent’s populist foes,
    Until revelations
    That all their donations
    Were siphoned from rich CEOs.

  76. Dr. Goose says:

    A philosopher thought he could pose
    As the heir to the thought of Rousseau’s;
    To admiring throngs,
    He would say: “Plus ça change,
    Mes amis, plus c’est la même chose.”

  77. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    To the hooker they just had to pose
    The question–Why she always dabbed at her nose
    When asked, “Is it snot?”
    She said,”Certainly not,
    it’s just overflow I suppose”

  78. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A contortionist guy struck this pose
    Shagging his arse with his nose
    At the same time the fool
    Nibbled his tool
    While stroking his balls with his toes

  79. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 85.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Nutty Limerick.

  80. Patti says:

    Good one, Mad!

    A fellow is oft seen to pose
    As a beacon, a leader who knows.
    But alas, truth to be told,
    All that glitters ain’t gold.
    This emperor is absent his clothes.