Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Sept. 28, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOTE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRAMMAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GRAMMAR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 29, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. (Due to my travel schedule you’ll have one extra week to submit your clever, polished verse.) Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 28, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NOTE-rhyme limerick:

A man who was singing by rote
Kept hitting an out of tune note.
But nobody cared;
Instead, they just stared.
He was cute, which “earned” everyone’s vote.

And here’s my GRAMMAR-themed limerick:

A woman encountered an ad
Whose grammar was markedly bad.
So she dashed off a note
To the sponsor and wrote:
“Are you even a middle school grad?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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155 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Sept. 28, 2019)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Proper grammar is hard, so please try
    To use all the words that apply
    To the matter at hand
    But you must understand
    This suggestion’s between you and I

  2. “And the winner is …”

    Trump is an actor of note;
    Although he can’t hope to emote,
    His true claim to fame
    Is explained by his name:
    He can trump the Academy’s vote!

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mother consistently said
    “Speak like I, then you’ll sound quite well-bred
    Do your homework at night
    Double check that it’s right
    And then yous can all go to bed”

  4. Jesse Levy says:

    One thing I would like to note,
    We’re sick of the gloat and the bloat.
    The big orange schmo
    Has just GOT to go
    So people, please get out and vote.

  5. Michael R. Burch says:

    Trump asked, “Did I stammer?
    I have the best-est grammar!
    My IQ’s so high
    It can actually fly,
    And my tweets crush like Thor’s hammer!”

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    Note and Grammar

    When writing a letter or note
    Use this method which I shall now quote:
    “Make sure you sound bright
    So get all the words right
    Then re-read what you just done did wrote”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slightly modified version of a previous limerick

    My mother consistently said
    “Speak as I, then you’ll sound quite well-bred
    Do your homework at night
    Double check that it’s right
    And then all of yous hop into bed”

  8. Colonialist says:

    When sending my Grammar a note
    I seem to be missing the bote,
    It never makes sense
    Put in the past tense,
    As she only knows stuff by rote.

    But if to this Grammar one wrote
    A fully Grammatical note,
    Would it fail to impress her,
    And merely depress her
    If ‘create’ in past tense one wrote ‘crote’?

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    (As usual, I started by getting the list from Rhymezone. Their idea of words that rhyme is often pretty weird, but this time they’ve outdone themselves. Can someone explain to me how “showoff” is a one-syllable rhyme for “note”?)

    To finish this verse that I wrote,
    I looked up the rhymewords for note.
    I got them from Rhymezone,
    That linguistic crime-zone,
    So that’s why I’m ending with “showoff”.

    From Mad:
    Wow! I never noticed that before. Just amazing!

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “Though they laugh at my spelling and grammar,
    At weather, believe me, I am a
    Map-maker of note,
    So it’s just like I wrote –
    The hurricane hit Alabama!”

  11. Michael Moulton says:

    After his doctor’s endeavor,
    Trump thought he was being quite clever,
    He wears a long baggy coat
    An hopes no one will note
    That his BMI is higher than ever

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    The Oxford professor was pissed;
    He was shouting and waving his fist.
    “I have told you before –
    When there’s three terms or more,
    A comma’s REQUIRED in a list!”

  13. Steve Benko says:

    When my very first lim’rick I wrote,
    Seems I struck quite a discordant note.
    For in Texas I was,
    And it said, “He’s a scuzz,
    And for Donald all y’all shouldn’t vote.”

  14. Sharon Neeman says:

    Zoologists, please do take note:
    There IS such a thing as a shoat.
    It’s not sired by a ram
    And a goat’s not its dam,
    And it certainly isn’t a stoat.

    A shoat is a newly weaned pig;
    Its hands — sorry, HOOVES — aren’t big;
    It’s a juvenile hog
    And it can’t dance or jog…
    Am I writing too subtle a dig?

  15. Steve Benko says:

    From the owl and the pussycat’s boat,
    There came never a discordant note.
    For when pussy he grabbed,
    She just reached out and stabbed
    The old bastard right smack in the throat.

  16. Steve Benko says:

    When my entries, Ms. Kane, you dissect,
    You will find that the grammar’s correct.
    For I write without flaws;
    Disagree? That’s because
    Both your husband and I are henpecked.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:


    On “Match Love” I met this guy Pete
    At first I sure thought he was sweet
    Then I read his “description”
    And had a conniption
    Cuz his phrasing was so incomple–T.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: please ignore my request about changing O.C.D. limerick.
    Could you possibly delete the original limerick and the “request”
    Thank You

    Here is the correct one:
    “Seems you’ve got O.C.D.” said “Doc” Smote
    (Got my pencil and carefully wrote)
    “My next session’s July”
    I’ll remind myself I
    Need a note and a note and a note

  19. Porrtly Bard says:


    Brian —

    I have long admired your work.

    The short answer to your RZ question appears to be “compounded” errors involving treatment of assumed contractions (as in show-off which sans its hyphen is wrongly inferred as one syllable rhyming with “note”) and treatment of actual contractons (as in “they’re” which sans its apostrophe is wrongly interpreted as rhyming with “tire”). Thought you might enjoy this reply:


    You’ve discovered a truth that’s profound.
    Cyber logic is often “unsound”.
    It only arrives
    at what it contrives,
    not the stuff it assumes will be found.

    I’m surprised that you didn’t take note,
    in the list that you cite and you quote,
    one should also refute
    their assertion that “beaut”
    is a rhyme they believe they can float.


    Portly Bard

  20. Aw, shucks, here I am in the slammer!
    You’d a thunk I’d a taken a hammer
    And I’d killed someone dead
    But what I done instead—
    Was just murder that dumb English grammar!

  21. I agree, yes, that was in my note!
    And I’m sorry if it got your goat!
    But I must keep resisting
    If you keep on insisting
    He will win! Well, he won’t get my vote!

    When he slipped something into her tote
    She hoped for a sweet, loving note
    But it sadly turned out
    What the note was about
    Was only Mad Kane’s weekly quote!….


    Does the way you pronounce affect grammar?
    I mean, it wouldn’t if you’re in the slammer….
    But, what if, just say,
    You auditioned one day
    And (like New Yorkers) called the play melodrammer?

    I can already hear the ‘Tut tut”
    I’ve broken some rule–agreed, but
    By linking good grammar
    With bad “melodrammer”
    I’ve had fun; I just won’t make the cut!

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wanted TO hear all the news
    ‘Bout TWO friends and their very first cruise
    Seems the sea was TOO rough
    They both sure had enough
    And were sick of all three of those TUZE

  23. Steve Benko says:

    A Bosnian sneered at a Serb,
    “You’re misusing a transitive verb.
    A direct object noun
    Is required, you clown;”
    Said the other, “Your peace I’ll disturb.”

  24. Tim Gray says:

    This man has done nothing for us.
    To get rid would be a big plus.
    He is, and I quote:
    “Just being a Big Note!”
    But beware, he’ll kick up a fuss.

  25. Tim Gray says:

    The symphony was soft and serene,
    As I heard it there in my dream.
    Then suddenly I woke
    When I played a bum note…
    Forgot it, and just wanted to scream.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    The skilled Paramedics are here!
    Stop crying; don’t be in despair!
    They have brought Grammar Brown
    He will sure calm you down
    By telling you, “Now, their they’re there”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Teaching Grammar all day isn’t fun
    At the end of the day I just run
    To the Scholar Cafe
    Cuz I must get away
    And order my synonym bun

  28. Steve Benko says:

    “On Ivanka,” says Donald, “I dote,
    But of Tiffany barely take note.
    Though the Jewish one’s hot
    (Why with THEM tie the knot?),
    Her poor sister tends sadly to bloat.”

  29. Lisi Nortman says:


    Dear Americans, please all take note
    It is ev’ry four years you must vote
    For the slightly less awful
    And eventually unlawful
    Moron who’s then gonna gloat

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    METER ERROR !! “Headline”

    Dear Americans, please all take note
    It is ev’ry four years you must vote
    For the slightly less awful
    And eventually unlawful
    Dumb moron, who’s then gonna gloat

  31. Roger Haugen says:

    Said the Slav with a sniff, “Please note,
    And don’t get it wrong or misquote;
    Don’t play that old game,
    We’re not all the same–
    I’m a born and bred Serb, not a Croat.”

  32. Roger Haugen says:

    Correction on previous Note limerick sent 5:31 pm. Replace with:

    Said the Slav with a sniff, “Please take note,
    And don’t get it wrong or misquote;
    Don’t play that old game,
    We’re not all the same–
    I’m a born and bred Serb, not a Croat.”

  33. Roger Haugen says:

    When it comes to language grammatical
    Trump’s grasp is, at best, problematical;
    The fine points of speech
    Are out of his reach–
    With grammar not clear or syntactical.

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    The Party of Law and Order

    Said Boris, “We’re leaving for sure!
    No deal, and we’re out of the door.
    It’s illegal? Please note,
    Though I lost every vote,
    If I have to, I’ll just break the law.”

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    (Grammar – three from the archives …)

    I was hoping for sex with my date,
    A young teacher of Latin called Kate,
    But after we’d wined
    And we’d dined, she declined
    My suggestion that we conjugate.


    “You shouldn’t say ‘us’ll’, but ‘we’ll’ ”,
    The teacher done tell us – big deal!
    Young rednecks like us,
    Why, us don’t give a cuss.
    ’Cause us’ll get richer than she’ll.


    A woman cried “What shall I do?
    I’m pregnant, but don’t know by who.
    On vacation in Mali,
    I had sex with Charlie,
    But later that day, Tim bucked too.”

    (N.B. The grammatical error is hers, not mine.)

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was caught very viciously strangling
    A man with whom I had a wrangling
    His syntax was dire
    I began to perspire
    When his participle was just dangling

  37. Judith H. Block says:

    When grammar and grandpa get together,
    You just know it’ll be stormy weather.
    She corrects how he speaks,
    He mocks how she shrieks.
    He’s obese; she’s as light as a feather.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    In 2015 on THAT day
    In the voting booth things looked real gray
    So I slipped out a note
    Which said, “After I vote
    May I have extra time just to pray?”

  39. Steve Benko says:

    To Roger Haugen: It’s pronounced “CRO-at.” That’s why I went with a Bosnian instead.

  40. Steve Benko says:

    I’ve been dating an English professor;
    It’s delightful until I undress her.
    During passionate sex,
    Pillow talk she corrects,
    And it makes my arousal much lesser.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    With phrases you must always try
    To use pronouns that duly apply
    So use “them” “you” or “us”
    And you’ll get an A+
    (That’s a secret between you and I)

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Voting” a bit different

    In 2015 on THAT day
    In the ballot booth, things looked real gray
    So I slipped out a note
    And on it I wrote
    “May I have extra time just to pray?”

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Computer Dates Without Commas

    I decidedly have no regrets
    Not meeting this man on “Matched Sets”
    Under “Pastimes” he wrote
    “I just love my new boat
    And eating my fam’ly and pets”

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Presidential Address (Grammar)

    “Right now I am boss of the nation
    The chief of the whole population
    Ev’ry day I get praise
    For my real savvy ways
    And I don’t need no more education”

  45. Mark G. Kane says:

    For your Birthday I’m writing this note,
    To show I am present and woke,
    To the fact that you’re OLD,
    (If I may be bold)
    So why don’t your looks so denote?

    Happy Birthday to the best woman in the whole wide world, my lovely wife Madeleine!

  46. Mark G. Kane says:

    The robot played songs note for note,
    Exactly as Beethoven wrote.
    And this was its goal,
    But lacking a soul,
    It failed cuz it couldn’t emote.

  47. When welcoming them off the boat,
    Trump only wants people of note.
    Anyone bad, well,
    just give’em a paddle,
    send them off yelling “Hope you can float!”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last night when I went to my room
    I noticed the trees were in bloom
    Saw a well-spoken owl
    Who started to howl
    And perfectly then uttered “Whom”

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    In her chair my real stern teacher sat
    And said, “Students, do not forget that
    When writing a phrase
    You must not use cliches
    Because frankly, they’re really “old hat”

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    My school was a real scary place
    I tried but I couldn’t keep pace
    I was just so confused
    And thought colons were used
    For a lovable, cute “smiley face”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    The professor so clearly expounds:
    “Ev’ry sentence must have its own bounds
    Use a subject and verb
    Quite unique and superb
    And an object that weighs 20 pounds”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    It is it’s when you mean that it is
    It is its when it’s hers or it’s his
    But make no mistake
    When you need a nice break
    It is ain’t and you’ll still pass this quiz

  53. Tim Gray says:

    I try hard to be erudite and engaging
    But I’m sixteen and hormones are raging.
    When I wrote a short note
    To her whom I dote
    Her reply was that I needed caging.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    It’s Gr8

    Generally, not specifically, note.
    Really, an authentic vote.
    Excruciating and Trite
    And not worth a shite
    Tiresome and not worthy of quote.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    Would I be the first to complain
    If Trump were elected again?
    Not if popular vote,
    That’s “Popular”, note,
    Said, “Donald, as Prezzie, remain.”

  56. Tim Gray says:

    I thought I’d make lots of dosh.
    I’m from Eton and so I talk posh,
    But they found me quite galling
    As my grammar’s appalling
    So I came down to earth with a splosh.

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    An Italian tenor of note
    Would, betimes, lose his voice and I quote:
    “If I sing … they no clap?”
    He gets nervous, poor chap,
    And the fear puts a frog in his throat.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grasping homophones makes me so proud
    And proves that I’m quite well-endowed
    With a brain so acute
    That there’s just not dispute
    And now I’ll recite them allowed

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Way back in the month of July
    I held up my banner real high
    I carefully wrote:
    “All people TAKE NOTE!
    Bad spellers, we all must UNTIE”

  60. John Shardlow says:

    For language that’s proper and fit,
    grammar that’s correct and legit.
    To convey information,
    use the right punctuation
    and demonstrate knowing your shit.

    Apostrophes don’t always fit.
    To include them, or sometimes omit.
    Don’t sit on the fence,
    succeed and make sense,
    or fail, not knowing you’re shit.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is something that I’ve always said
    To my students to all get ahead
    “It is i before e
    Except after c
    Spelling’s crucial for being well-bread”

  62. Steve Benko says:

    “When the people of Sodom I smote,”
    Said the Lord, “I told Lot to take note:
    When your wife hears their cries,
    On the road keep her eyes;
    But she’s salt, for she turned back to gloat.”

  63. Steve Benko says:

    “We will throw all our shit in the moat,
    For I’m king, and you don’t get a vote,”
    Said His Highness one day,
    “We don’t wash anyway;
    Of the smell we will barely take note.”

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Way back in the munth ov July
    I held up my banner reel hi
    I karefully wrote
    “All u folks pleeze take note:
    Bad Spellers!! We yall must UNTIE”

  65. Steve Benko says:

    “When I hit that Wagnerian note,”
    Said Brunhilde, “That’s when they emote.
    When the audience hears
    That high C, it brings tears;
    It sure isn’t my horns like a goat.”

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    A young blacksmith, who sang as he smote,
    Took it ill if he struck a bum note.
    Notes off key marred his art,
    Which dismayed his pure heart,
    As he aimed, as in all things, for haute.

    Note On Rhymezone: May I suggest ‘WikiRhymer’ as an alternative which only offers pure rhymes – mostly.

  67. Tim James says:

    The anthem that Francis Scott wrote
    Screws the diaphragm, lungs, and the throat.
    As I reached way up there
    For “the rockets’ red glare”
    I sprained *everything* hitting that note.

  68. Bill Pfeil says:

    She used to be feeble, and small,
    Healing Ruth Bader Ginsburg their call,
    The doctors succeeded,
    In doing what’s needed,
    She now appears younger, and tall.

    Promoting this theory’s uncouth,
    It can’t be considered the truth,
    Until colleagues take note,
    And publicly quote:
    “There is something quite fishy with Ruth.”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:


    It’s it’s when you mean that it is
    It”s its when it’s hers or it’s his
    But make no mistake
    When you need a nice break
    It’s ain’t and you’ll still pass this quiz

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve heard rumors, and now I shall quote:
    “When he strums, it sounds just like a goat”
    So don’t be alarmed
    I shall leave you unharmed
    Cuz my tune will consist of one note

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    My owner’s a really nice guy
    He’s gentle and kind, (can’t deny)
    When he commands me to “Lay”
    I never obey
    And won’t budge till he tells me to “Lie”

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    Re-Upped because I realised that the last line didn’t scan. Long layoff, I’m rusty, I guess.

    A young blacksmith, who sang as he smote,
    Took it ill if he struck a bum note.
    Notes off key marred his art,
    Which dismayed his pure heart;
    He was aiming, in all things, for haute.

  73. Michael Moulton says:

    In limericks the structured conditions
    May involve words with odd definitions
    For expositions of wit
    Infinitives are split,
    And lines ended with prepositions.

    When Kirk said, “To boldly go”
    In the original Star Trek intro,
    The adverb inserted
    Left some disconcerted,
    Thinking the writers ought better know.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s been found there’s a real low percent
    Of people whose learned intent
    Is to speak the right way
    Thus, I sadly must say
    That the days of good grammar are went

  75. Daisy Ward says:

    The young man was handed a note
    Check here, if you’re registered to vote
    Voting wasn’t on his mind
    Felt he waisted his time
    Stuffed it inside an unusual tote

  76. Daisy Ward says:

    He hit himself with a large hammer
    “cause” it took to long too learn grammar
    His head was swoll
    Twice the size of a bowl
    Wobble from side to side, he stammer

  77. Tim Gray says:

    I was getting quite fat eating rye
    And I just couldn’t understand why.
    Then I saw a footnote:
    “You may be subject to bloat
    If instead of boiling you fry.”

  78. Tim Gray says:


    There was an old fellow called Sandom
    Who’s speech, it was really quite random.
    His words were all jumbled
    And speech, it was mumbled
    So you never could quite understand him.

  79. John Shardlow says:

    Some action takes place on a boat
    The lyrics, I’m sure Gilbert wrote
    A theme most piratical
    His lines ungrammatical
    But the music is worthy of note

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    At first, I just thought I would “purr”
    When a card came from dear “hubby” Kerr
    Which said, “Dear darling, Kate
    All this traveling’s great
    I miss you, and wish you were her”

  81. John Shardlow says:

    She’s left me, just left a note
    Says I’m lazy and smell like a goat
    But what really hurts
    That I’ve run out of shirts
    Full trash cans and where’s the remote?

  82. Tim James says:

    English grammar? We had it down pat.
    We did drills till it all was old hat.
    Teacher said, “Mind these rules,
    Or you’ll sound like dang fools!”
    Ain’t no way I should oughta do that.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    For All Of Us Who Have Worked In An Office:

    I tied her up tight by the throat
    Till she looked like a petrified goat
    That takes care of “Boss Sludge”
    “The Infamous Nudge”
    Who can no longer post a damn note

  84. Jean McEwen says:

    Some political pollsters promote
    The positions they WISH folks would vote
    For instead of restricting
    Their role to PREDICTING.
    (Their track record’s poor, I might note.)

  85. Jean McEwen says:

    Those old scolds who incessantly yammer
    About other folks’ syntax and grammar
    Should just give it a rest
    (Leave their views unexpressed)–
    Or expect to get hit with a hammer.

  86. Ken Gosse says:

    They’ll Take the High Track and We’ll Take the Low Track ~
    Though our grammar came over the ocean
    And crossed the great sea with devotion,
    We kicked the Brits’ butts
    So they say we sound nuts,
    Words derailed by some strange low commotion.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Use the Correct Word!

    A fort is a place for protection
    And typic’ly built with perfection
    But forte’s playing loud
    By and large for a crowd
    And folks: there just ain’t no connection

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Not Guilty” Grammar

    My boyfriend was sure in a funk
    When the cop said he’s “legally drunk”
    So if it is lawful
    Then what’s so damn awful?
    To me it just sounds like plain bunk

  89. Lisi Nortman says:


    My sister’s poor writing discloses
    More flaws anybody composes
    Says, “Homophones don’t matter”
    Then she serves me a platter
    With cake that reminds me of roses.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above “Flour” limerick: Could you please change line 5 to
    With cake that reminds me of roses

    Thank You,



  91. Tim Gray says:

    We got, from the teacher, a note;
    To learn a poem by rote.
    Ha! A poem of one word,
    Is that too absurd?
    It’s the longest thing I could quote.

  92. Tim Gray says:

    If you’re at sea in a runabout boat,
    There’s one thing that you should note:
    Though you can go “Hell for Leather”,
    Keep and eye on the weather;
    Big waves and you’ll not stay afloat.

  93. Tim Gray says:

    There’s one thing the King didn’t note
    When he built a big sea-going boat:
    Though sturdy and strong,
    One thing was wrong,
    There is no canal from the moat.

  94. Tim Gray says:

    Eyeing pictures of Trump you will note
    That his demeanour is always of gloat.
    Smug and self-satisfied,
    Even though he has lied,
    To others, his demeanour’s of Goat.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    a better one than before

    I was caught very viciously strangling
    A man with whom I had a wrangling
    His grammar was dire
    I began to perspire
    When his participle started dangling

  96. Tim James says:

    With his short stubby Sharpie, Trump wrote
    An alternative storm track. “Take note:
    ‘Bama’s gonna get hit.
    They’re in really deep shit!”
    (With the rest of us in the same boat.)

  97. John Shardlow says:

    Liars to queens ought to note
    When done in the past, and I quote
    ‘The punishment for treason
    Whatever the reason,
    A trip to the Tower by boat’

    “A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality”
    Sounds like the Bard had read a Nostradamus prediction and wrote about ‘Britain Boris’ and the ‘bone spur kid’.

  98. Steve Benko says:

    In Maine, where you need a warm coat,
    She solved crimes on a lighthearted note.
    Can you guess who I mean?
    On her stories I’m keen:
    Mrs. Fletcher, in “Murder, She Wrote.”

  99. Tim Gray says:

    I l-l-lithp and altho I thtammer,
    Which d-d-d-doethn’t help with my grammar.
    I’m d-d-d-dythlexic ath well
    So G-G-G-God go to Hell,
    Heth hit me with a triple whammer.

    Intelligible version…

    I lisp and also I stammer,
    Which doesn’t help with my grammar.
    I’m dyslexic as well
    So God go to Hell,
    He’s hit me with a triple whammer.

  100. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you want to create an impression,
    Take up grammar; attend ev’ry session.
    If you’re ugly, poor, dwell
    In a hut and you smell,
    Fine! But stick to your grammar profession!

  101. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I see newspaper grammar mistakes
    So many, my cranium aches.
    It’s turned into a sort
    Of a piss-me-off sport.
    Not the news, but reporters are fakes!

  102. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The Orchestra’s Secret

    One instrument plays the first note
    So that others can tune theirs and gloat
    Then they fly to the sky
    Without having to try
    Making sounds to which I can emote.

    What’s that instrument? Are you a whiz?
    Or can you not answer this quiz?
    What’s wrong? Are you dodo?
    A wandering hobo?
    The answer is OBOE, it is!

    It’s the one that’s least likely to change
    Its “A” KEY in the four forty range
    If you ever were taught
    About music a lot
    Then it really is not very strange!

    Sometimes weather conditions can screw it
    Changed humidity’s known to undo it
    You can tune like a saint
    It’s like matching up paint
    So you know that there ain’t nothing to it!

  103. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you sing or play music, please be
    Kind enough to not do it off-key
    So just keep the right note
    Or I’ll strangle your throat
    Which may end up afloat in the sea.

  104. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’re hunting and you try to troat
    Be prepared and do hit the right note
    ‘Cause the last thing you need
    Is, get mounted and bleed
    If a buck tries to breed through your coat.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Use The Right Verb!! (Teacher’s Critique)

    “I find your report quite amusing
    Since I noticed that you have been choosing
    Some words which don’t fit
    So, John, please omit
    That “Time travel is was confusing”

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    My New Jersey to Chicago “Incorrect Word” Experience

    When you MARRY, you both are inflamed
    When you’re MARY, you have a nice name
    But don’t get too MERRY
    In Chicago, it’s very
    Annoying: they all sound the same

    (Mary Christmas)

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grammar Brain Freeze

    Dear Smiley Face, you’re sure okay
    You are cheerful and happy and gay
    Here’s a note to say “thanks”
    Cuz the times I draw blanks
    You help me with nothing to say.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    We noticed a serious note
    On which “Doc” Zoo explicitly wrote:
    “Give 12 buckets of tea
    And real quickly you’ll see
    That you’ve cured your giraffe’s bad sore throat”

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just noticed that “inflamed” doesn’t rhyme with “same”
    Here is another try:

    Use The Right Word In The Mid-West !!

    When you MARRY, you feel that “wild flame”
    When you’re MARY, you have a nice name
    But don’t get too MERRY
    In Chicago, it’s very
    Annoying; they all sound the same

    (Mary Christmas!)

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    An Essay On “Fort” And “Forte”

    A fort is a place for protection
    And typic’ly built with perfection
    But forte’s playing loud
    Before a large crowd
    And folks: There is just no connection
    So I’ll see you the 15th. of May
    Cuz tomorrow, I’m going away
    To learn the bassoon
    And play a nice tune
    Since my forte is to play it forte

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grammar Lesson: “Unique”

    If something is truly unique
    It’s one of a kind at its peak
    Not “very” or “quite”
    Thus, learn how to write
    Using proper and perfect technique

  112. Tim Gray says:

    Some may cry, “You Abuse!”
    If there isn’t a word you can use
    And you make up your own,
    To finish your koan,
    Where all others would simply confuse.

  113. Tim Gray says:

    Words morph over time…
    Pride is no longer a “crime”.
    What you might say
    In Shakespeare’s day,
    Today might just not be fine.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    All adjectives, Johnny, are easy!
    Relax, and stop getting all queasy!
    I’ll write down a few
    And they all describe you:
    You’re “disgusting” and “smelly” and “sleazy”

  115. John Shardlow says:

    An ermine is really a stoat
    It’s put on the edge of a coat
    How many need skinning
    For use as a trimming
    To clothe the people of note?

  116. John Shardlow says:

    In the Bible, I first read the quote
    ‘See clearly to cast out the mote
    from the eye of another’
    (it could be your brother)
    Lose the beam, you might read this note

  117. Tim Gray says:

    On the beach I found an old note
    That had been in a bottle, afloat.
    It said, “I need to be saved,
    For I am being enslaved,
    With chains round my wrists and my throat”.

  118. Tim Gray says:

    When it comes to poems and verse,
    Grammatical rules are no curse,
    For they’re simply ignored,
    Instead of deplored,
    Which makes the end better not worse.

  119. John Shardlow says:

    If you place a bet on the tote
    Rather use coin than a note
    Don’t behave like a rookie
    Better odds with a bookie
    And the chance of increasing your float

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    If in grammar, you want to excel
    Try synonyms; they can work well
    If at times, you’re confused
    They are words you can use
    In place of the ones you can’t spell

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick:
    L4 should be: They are words which are USED

    Can you please change that for me?

    Thank You, Lisi

  122. John Shardlow says:

    When Moses didn’t have use of a boat
    He took his rod and he smote
    Some waves, which then parted
    The Exodus started
    (The Commandments, he got in a note)

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    People say “If you didn’t vote, then you don’t have a right to complain”
    (My rebuttal)

    Here is something I’d like to explain
    (And it doesn’t take much of a brain)
    Americans note!!
    I went out to vote
    But I still have a right to complain.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    I feel that my life’s not complete
    If all of my chores I don’t meet
    So I put in my tote
    A critical note:
    “Eat. Sleep. Take your pills. Then repeat.”

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you hear someone say, “That’s unique”
    It means “one of a kind” at its peak
    It’s not “very” or “quite”
    Not one adverb is right
    And that is the “unique technique”

  126. Tim Gray says:


    “We were just running an errand.”
    Demonstrates past-participle and gerund
    Also, (in a sense),
    A pluperfect tense
    And agentive role in that errand.

  127. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A rigid grammarian, Guy,
    Claims that HE knows what’s right, also why.
    “It’s subjective, you see,
    Not objective like ‘me’.”
    So me poked this guy right in his ‘I’.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Stollen” (traditional Christmas fruit and nut bread)

    I ate some traditional stollen
    My abdomen then felt quite swollen
    So I called Doctor Grammar
    (And so calm, without clamor)
    Said, “Let’s take a look at your colon”

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    possessive pronouns before gerunds!!

    My darling, I know what you’re thinking
    Do not say “I can’t stand you drinking”
    To be rightly expressive
    Please use the possessive
    And tell me “I can’t stand YOUR stinking”

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    With Who? or With Whom? I’m aware
    That grammar is hard, (I sure swear)
    I saw you with Merle
    Then the next night with Pearl
    With WHO WHOM did you have an affair?

  131. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Me kent all dem WORDS u unite
    an laud em me does —wit delight…
    tho yourn grammars be off
    i ain’t never shall scoff:
    Cuz ta I; Yawl is englishing right

  132. Tim James says:

    “Second person familiar,” said I
    To my student. “Now give it a try.”
    She used thou, thee and thine
    And her grammar was fine ―
    As I rested my hand on her thy.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    My knowledge, at last, is complete!
    And now I am truly elite!
    Needed just one more word
    To be crowned “Grammar Nerd”
    “OXYMORON” !! (Oh how bittersweet)

  134. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump takes a rhetorical hammer
    To bash any semblance of grammar.
    We hope what he says
    As a future ex-Prez
    Draws laughs from his mates in the slammer.

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    a better version of “IT’S”

    It’s it’s when you mean that it is
    It’s its when it’s hers or it’s his
    But take a nice break
    If you make a mistake
    Don’t get yourself into a tiz

  136. Dave Johnson says:

    A nasty old parrot named Gus
    Gets mixed-up when he starts to fuss.
    His words are amiss;
    Like, “You can ass my kiss”
    And he’s “crapping the kick” out of us.

  137. Mike Young says:

    Both sides of the pond need to vote
    To remove all the leaders that gloat
    It won’t happen we know
    They’ll make sure it’s not so
    So we’ll have a Trump BoJo of note!

  138. Mike Young says:

    Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain
    With grammar. Good liquor I stoutly maintain
    Will help me escape
    Accusations of rape
    Of our language whilst I’m still not insane.

    (With apologies to Oliver Goldsmith’s She Stoops to conquer)

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those “Cliff Notes” all try to “condense”
    But this part just didn’t make sense:
    “Scrooge then got haunted
    And terribly taunted
    By the famed ghost of Christmas past tense”

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    I came home and found a strange note
    On which my dear wife, Mary, wrote:
    “PETA meets here today
    Put the dishes away
    And then go and hide my mink coat”

  141. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    An immigrant just off the boat,
    In this era of Trump, oughta note:
    If you’re not a Caucasian,
    Or maybe an Asian,
    You better be able to float.

  142. John Edwards says:

    Grammarians, please take a note.
    Don’t treat me like some poor scrote.
    Don’t holler or yammer
    And don’t diss the grammar
    Of this limerick wot I have wrote.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad : above limerick: Before it was finished, I didn’t press “Submit”
    but for some reason it went into your blog !!
    Could you please delete it and I’ll try the write the WHOLE one?
    Thank You, Lisi


  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane?

    Its such a magnificent plan
    To visit the island’s Japan!
    What’s That? Go and Hide!
    Someones just crept inside
    Oh Help! Its APOSTROPHE MAN !!

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dad teaches English because
    He follows “grammatical laws”
    And each Christmas day
    With presents I play
    From Santa Subordinate Clause

  146. Tim Gray says:

    Not a rat, weasel nor stoat
    Would qualify for my vote.
    Trump seems to me
    To encompass all three,
    Therefore no vote you will note.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    A Further Revision And A Late New One.

    A young blacksmith, who sang as he smote,
    Took it ill if he struck a bum note.
    Notes off key marred his art,
    Which dismayed his pure heart;
    For he aimed, as in all things, for haute.

    Said the man, who was feeling his oats,
    “I have here, in my hand, several notes.”
    Said the lass, ‘Cash is dead;
    Now we barter instead;
    I want four laying hens or two goats.’

  148. John Shardlow says:

    We’ve got to get back to the boat
    The foghorn has tooted it’s note
    For when we go cruising
    We’re careful when boozing
    Getting pissed at the port, not afloat

  149. Lisi Nortman says:


    If in grammar, you want to excel
    Try synonyms! They can work well
    Now if you’re confused
    They are words that are used
    In place of the ones you can’t spell

  150. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The opera singer (dumb lass)
    Sang so loud, it came out of her ass.
    That screeching old goat
    Hit a bloody high note
    Till the windows all broke, shatt’ring glass.

  151. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I is smart and me grammar’s real cool
    But some peoples says I’s a big fool
    That me brain’s too dang slow
    But hell, what does them know?
    Thems all thinks me shoulds go back to school.

  152. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Little Johnny thought Sally a swan
    Oh so pretty to feast eyes upon
    So he slipped her a note:
    “Come at eight to the boat
    By the pier; we’ll emote until dawn.”

    “Give me THAT!” teacher hag would command
    Yanked the boy’s note right out of his hand
    Then she tucked it away
    Till the bell rang that day
    In her mind she would play what she planned.

    Well now, eight o’clock soon rolled around
    Johnny boy at the pier made no sound
    Then over the hill
    Came the cranky old pill
    Oh, she felt a big thrill – he was found!

    She cried, “Loverboy! I am your lass!”
    A cougar she ain’t, just an ass
    Bared her breasts with an urge
    But a sudden big surge
    From the boat did emerge – the whole class!

    The next day, the kids started to drool
    Couldn’t wait to condemn the old mule
    But her pride had all burned
    To the ground, and they learned
    That she never returned to that school.

  153. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Old Noah the perv, you should note,
    Would get off in the rain—let me quote:
    “Sure, a sprinkle is sweet,
    But when beating my meat,
    It’s a deluge that’s floating my boat.”

  154. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two (actually three) weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 331. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Grip.

  155. Roger Haugen says:

    Faced with bankruptcy, the bosses
    Decided to cut their net losses;
    Considered the staff
    And cut it by half:
    “They’ll just have to bear their own crosses.”