Choice Viewing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
What with networks and Netflix and cable
And Hulu and Amazon’s stable
Of shows to be seen,
I’m too wired to screen;
Feeling feeble, can’t pick — kindly table.
Posts Tagged ‘TV Humor’
Choice Viewing (Limerick)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015Limerick Ode To The Tonys
Sunday, June 8th, 2014Limerick Ode To The Tonys
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ll be watching the Tonys tonight
And rooting for Tony. That’s right —
It’s Shalhoub in “Act One”
Who should win when they’re done
Toting votes, or my angst won’t be slight.
Nightmare Limerick
Monday, February 17th, 2014Nightmare Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I rarely remember my dreams,
Except those that go off to extremes,
Like last night’s — I was taken:
A hostage, till wakin’.
I should stop watching Homeland, it seems.
Reality TV Humor (New York Magazine Contest)
Tuesday, January 21st, 2014New York Magazine recently started a new weekly contest. This week’s challenge is to invent titles of a “premodern reality-television series.” You can enter either on Twitter or in the contest page’s comment section.
Here are my entries (on Twitter) so far:
The Real Cavewives of Windsor
The Dinosaur Hunter
Reinventing The Wheel
Dancing With The Bard
Keeping Up With The Bardashians
The Sorcery Apprentice
Reality TV Shows That Will Never Be Produced
Thursday, November 14th, 2013In a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest (Week 1043), we were challenged to invent fake celebrity reality shows. I enjoyed many of the winning entries, especially several of the Honorable Mentions. So be sure to click that link and read about those never-to-be shows.
Alas, no ink for me this week. But here are my three non-winning entries:
“Dancing Behind Bars.” Former “Dancing with the Stars” judge Bruno Tonioli launches his quest for “fast on their feet felons,” after running out of minimally talented dancers in the general population. “Inmates have so much talent, it’s criminal,” raves Bruno. “The cat burglars have stolen my heart! And those death row moves are killer!”
“The Sex Factor.” After losing control of the Miss USA and Miss Universe franchises in yet another bankruptcy, Donald Trump makes a comeback with a weekly beauty contest that, according to Trump, will be “really big” with “lots of bikinis and no interviews.” Says Trump, “girls should be seen and not heard … unless they went to Wharton.”
“Dancing Up In Mars” marks a “new frontier in reality TV, taking dance competitions to the next step.” Says host Newt Gingrich, “the gravity difference presents a grave challenge. But on the upside, Mars doesn’t enforce alimony laws. So no more checks to my six (or is it seven?) exes.”
Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards
Sunday, September 22nd, 2013Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Emmy Awards are tonight,
An annual Sunday night rite,
At which some make the list,
And others feel dissed,
And carpers harp: “TV’s a blight!”
My Two Cents About The Voice (Limerick)
Tuesday, June 18th, 2013My Two Cents About The Voice
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On the Voice my fav entrants are out.
It’s Sasha and Amber I’d tout.
Danielle doesn’t phrase,
Yet they keep heaping praise.
I just hope it’s Michelle in a rout.
My Super Bowl 2013 Wrap-Up (Limerick)
Monday, February 4th, 2013My Super Bowl 2013 Wrap-Up (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rumor has it, the game’s fin’ly ended,
Long delayed till the lighting was mended.
Someone lost. Someone won.
Watchers surely had fun.
As for me, my TV — unattended.
(Okay, this is technically a lie: My TV was attended by hubby Mark.)
In Defense Of TV (Limerick)
Friday, June 8th, 2012From time to time, somebody annoys me with bald assertions like this: “I don’t own a TV; they rot the brain.”
I usually ignore them, but NOT this time:
In Defense Of TV (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There is good stuff and bad on TV.
Some will rot out your brain, I agree.
(Fox News comes to mind.)
But there’s great stuff to find.
Just be choosy and spurn the debris.
House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)
Thursday, February 9th, 2012Fox’s medical drama House is finally coming to an end. So it’s confession time: I hate House.
In fact, I loathe all medical dramas, doctor comedies, and any other show about sick people. Why? Because the mere mention of symptoms makes me start feeling them. So if I want to avoid real life doctors, I have to stay far away from the fake ones.
House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though it’s not my intention to grouse,
I detest doctor dramas, like House:
TV ailments and ills
Make me itch, give me chills.
WebMD, here I come — Where’s my mouse?
Limerick Odes To Charlie Sheen
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011After flunking (badly) The Guardian’s Who Said This — Gaddafi or Charlie Sheen quiz, I forced myself to watch ABC’s entire 20/20 Charlie Sheen interview conducted (I’m not sure how) by Andrea Canning. Yikes!
I’m no shrink, but if Sheen isn’t certifiable, I can’t imagine who is. Yet Sheen’s suing CBS and Warner Bros. for canceling Two and a Half Men. CBS and Warner Bros. should keep a copy on hand of ABC’s interview. Because that show gives CBS all the ammunition it needs to defeat Sheen’s case. We’re talking loony-tunes-uninsurable!
And so, Charlie Sheen has earned himself two “Dear Charlie” letter limericks. Here’s the first:
Dear Charlie, you’re acting bizarre.
We don’t need yet another sick star.
You appear on the brink
Of a breakdown, yet think
You’re not crazy, which proves that you are.
And here’s my second limerick:
Dear Charlie, you’re losing your sheen.
Once funny, you’re now turning mean.
It’s clear that you’re sick.
Get some help. Do it quick!
And stop wasting your comedy gene.
(You can find more letters at Write A Letter.)
Newsy Limerick
Sunday, February 6th, 2011Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who reported the news…
Here’s mine:
Newsy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who reported the news
Had some very odd habits and views.
He’d rant and he’d rave
And refuse to behave.
And when caught in a lie, he blamed booze.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
My Chances Of Watching TV Are Remote
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011This week Big Tent Poetry provides a bunch of word prompts, urging us to use one or more in our poems. I used three of them in my haiku (remote, function, handle) and one in a limerick (remote.)
First, my limerick:
I’m tempted to hide the remote
From my spouse in a closet or coat,
Cuz he flicks ev’ry station
In rapid rotation.
Missing show after show gets my goat.
*****
And now my haiku:
Dysfunctional spouse
Wields remote ADD-style.
Wife can’t handle it.
Have You Ever Noticed…
Monday, January 3rd, 2011This question will probably make me sound ageist and grumpy. In my preemptive defense, let me say:
1) I’ve been tossing AARP’s annoying magazine for years; and
2) I am grumpy.
So here’s my question: Have you ever noticed that Andy Rooney isn’t funny anymore?
I used to be a fan and would never turn 60 Minutes off until Rooney’s monologue was over. I even owned one of his humor collections. But I can’t remember the last time Andy Rooney made me laugh … or even giggle. These days his commentaries make me cringe.
Now to those who may argue that I’m not funny either, I say:
CBS doesn’t pay me a gazillion bucks a year to not be funny!
And no, this limerick isn’t funny either:
Have You Ever Noticed…
By Madeleine Begun Kane
At the risk of incurring some ire:
Andy Rooney should really retire.
It’s not that he’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But he’s funny no more, and it’s dire.
30 Rock Live — Limerick Review
Thursday, October 14th, 2010Hubby Mark and I watched 30 Rock Live tonight, and I sure hope the West Coast version was better than the East Coast version. What a train wreck! And I say this as a huge fan of Alec Baldwin (who, like me, hails from the Massapequas) and of Tina Fey.
30 Rock Live — Limerick Review
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Disappointed in 30 Rock Live.
I kept waiting for jokes to arrive.
The cast looked uptight.
(And I’m being polite.)
If the critics applaud it’s just jive.
Television Nightmares
Thursday, September 27th, 2007Do you want to lose weight? Then I recommend that you watch Gordon Ramsay’s new Fox show Kitchen Nightmares during dinner. As the good Gordon might (and often does) say, “Oh my God!”
Now my husband Mark and I are fans of Ramsay’s other show Hell’s Kitchen. But other than the presence of Ramsay himself, everything that makes Hell’s Kitchen so much fun — the competition among chefs whom you get to know and root for throughout the season — is missing from Kitchen Nightmares. What’s left (at least in episode 1) is numerous nausea-inducing scenes featuring rancid food and roughly gazillion roaches and flies.
Of course, by the end of the show Ramsay and his team of miracle workers turn the dive-of-the-week into a restaurant you wouldn’t be afraid to dine in.
What I can’t figure out is what the Manhattan restaurant featured in week 1 (Indian restaurant Dillons, reborn as Purnima) was doing in business before the makeover. Doesn’t New York City have restaurant inspectors? I sure hope so, because that’s where I live.
And now it’s time for a limerick:
Restaurant Nightmare
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I must flee this buffet. Please, let’s go.
A mouse just ran by and … oh no!
I spotted a roach
As it tried to encroach
On my sole. What’s that thing on your toe?
(You can find more of my food humor here and more of my media humor here.)
Yet Another American Idol Limerick
Monday, May 21st, 2007As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures. But it sure wasn’t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn’t:
Yet Another American Idol Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Melinda was beat out by Blake?
Now that’s what I call a mistake!
He’s all shtick and no voice.
What a terrible choice!
I suspect that his fans ain’t awake.
