Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAISE or RAYS or RAZE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 1, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RAISE or RAYS or RAZE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DANCE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DANCE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 2, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 1, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my RAISE/RAYS/RAZE-rhyme limerick:

When requesting a bonus or raise,
It is best to prepare for some nays;
Often praise will precede
A loud “NO!” Alas greed
Within management ain’t just a phase.

And here’s my DANCE-themed limerick:

A gal was attempting the twist —
A dance from her youth she still missed.
But this hard kind of rock
Left her hips in a lock.
She was wistful, as Doc said: “Resist!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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139 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAISE or RAYS or RAZE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 1, 2020)”

  1. John Shardlow says:

    I’ve caused a big song and dance
    ‘Cos my wife’s been starching my pants
    The constant abrasion
    Released my frustration
    Have you got any tissues by chance?

  2. The march? D’ you mean yesterday’s?
    Yeah, we keep hoping marches will raise
    Awareness! that he
    (Sir Hairness, tee-hee!)
    Is nearing the end of his days

    Madeline: it’s been a while since I’ve done this, and it’s possible I’m not submitting it in the right form or the right place. If that’s true, I apologize.

    *****
    From Mad:
    No need to apologize. You’re doing it right! Good to have you back!

  3. DANCE

    I’m old now, and not quite as agile
    As I once was–tho clearly not fragile!
    And if dancing’s your thing, it
    Is mine, too–let’s wing it!
    The energy loss will be–gradual!

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the street, you will see lots of strays
    In Hawaii, you’ll see lots of bays
    In L.A. lots of parks
    In the ocean are sharks
    And in prism you’ll see naughty rays

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    (“Zumba” is performed primarily to Latin American dance music)

    At “Senior Place” we never stop!
    At 5 we’re all doin’ the Bop
    At 6 it’s the Rumba
    At 7 the Zumba
    And at 8 we do “Arthritis Flop”

  6. Kirk Miller says:

    The Republican drank some wine
    At the party, was feeling fine.
    He got up from his seat,
    Danced the conga, ’twas neat.
    He just followed the party line.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Fandango: a Spanish dance) “More Dancin'”

    At “Senior Place” we never stop!
    At 5 we’re all doin’ the Bop
    At 6 it’s the Tango
    At 7, Fandango
    And at 8 we do “Arthritis Flop”

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    The horrors just seem to increase,
    Today, gaily, we’ll dance for peace!
    We’re now in quite scary times,
    Resist with dance,VOTES, and rhymes,
    And pray that the nightmares soon cease.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    We will never just throw in the towel,
    As we watch the pols’ tap dance most foul;
    Won’t get drunk on good wine,
    At least most of the time;
    We won’t sing, we’ll quite loudly howl.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Get Hypnotized” I got a raise
    My boss said, “You sure deserve praise
    All your clients agree
    They don’t mind the large fee
    Cuz they love spending time in a daze”

  11. Byron Miller says:

    It’s regrettable we’ve had to raze
    All your cities to naught but a haze,
    But Commander-in-Chief
    Loves his burgers of beef
    And the cattle need grassland to graze.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rebecca, oh how she could dance!
    She hoped it might bring her romance
    But she smelled like a skunk
    Oh WOW! how she stunk
    Ain’t no one who’d give her a glance

  13. Sharon Neeman says:

    Though the poker joint’s no-smoke these days,
    It once reeked of old cigarette haze —
    Till the day that Big Mabel
    Tipped over the table
    And cried “I can’t see; I won’t raise!”

  14. Sharon Neeman says:

    The bar on the corner was grand;
    You could dance to a real decent band —
    Till the barmaid, no sport,
    Took the owner to court
    For misuse of a too-frisky hand.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    One moonlit night we were alone
    And heard music with sweet dreamy tone
    Our hearts were aglow
    We danced really slow
    While Johnny kept checking his phone

  16. Trump’s defense team is so hard to view.
    The roster just screams out #meetoo!
    The Church cries, “End Days!”
    Trump says, “I’ll see it and raise!”
    And his base just cries out “Whoo-hoo!”

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    better grammar: L2

    One moonlit night we were alone
    (Heard a song with a sweet dreamy tone)
    Our hearts were aglow
    We danced really slow
    While Johnny kept checking his phone

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Erotic Dancing”

    We seniors have great dancing power
    We’re show-offs who never will cower
    Our specialty’s “Pole”
    It’s got real tempting soul
    We swing down those bars in the shower

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    A singer with soul deserves praise
    Even more if the piano he plays
    He must have a great voice
    Which makes people rejoice
    And all of these features were “Ray’s”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: L5 Could you please change “are” to were

    Thank You,
    Lisi

    *******

    Done.

  21. John Shardlow says:

    Impotence may just be phase
    Ignore all the yay’s and the nay’s
    You’re not over the hill
    Buy the little blue pill
    Just swallow and hope for a raise

  22. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the Bard, “I conceive a design
    Regards music, as notions combine.
    It is Love’s daily meat –
    And the tapping of feet,
    Will mean dance must be Love’s heady wine.”

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    Spake the Bard, “I conceive a design
    Regards music; my notions combine!
    It is Love’s daily meat –
    And the tapping of feet,
    Will mean dance must be Love’s heady wine.”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Attention Employees!

    “We’re about to begin a new phase!
    And I think it deserves lots of praise
    This firm is in debt
    But employees will get
    Free Prozac instead of a raise”

  25. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Let’s get bulldozers – get them to raze
    Mar-a-Lago, Trump Towers; then gaze
    At the rubble; I’m thrilled!
    Our wish is fulfilled.
    Add some gasoline, spilled for a blaze!

    (hey! a girl can dream, can’t she?)

  26. Mike Young says:

    To our Donald a glass we all raise
    And insist that he sings Marseillaise
    The bright shiny rays
    His presence should raze
    Since our glasses hold drinks Écossaise!

  27. Mike Young says:

    And on the dance theme:

    The president’s trying to waltz
    To help him we share lots of malts
    And after each swig
    All he does is a jig
    And ends with sixteen somersaults.

  28. Daisy Ward says:

    The secretary expected a raise
    When she looked at her check, she was daze
    It was less than before
    So, she walked out the door
    Jumped around, starting a new craze

  29. Daisy Ward says:

    While doing the salsa dance
    I fell onto a guy named Lance
    We twisted and we turned
    The floor started to burn
    Caught fire, then we started to prance

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    We “seniors” have always outshone
    Belly Dancers, who make the guys moan
    Unlike long ago
    We’ve got lots more to show
    Cuz our bellies shake all on their own

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Savoy” (famed Harlem Night Spot, N.Y.C.)

    Even now that I’m old and I’m gray
    I love to put on a display
    Just like at “Savoy”
    I still dance for joy
    And I love ev’ry step of the way

  32. Tim James says:

    Dr. Spooner touched off quite a row
    With a toast that went sideways. Here’s how:
    When “Our glasses we raise”
    Came out “…lasses we graze,”
    A gal thought he’d called her a cow.

  33. Roger Haugen says:

    Embraced in a slow sexy dance,
    She slid her warm hand down his pants;
    The cannon was loaded
    And promptly exploded–
    So much for a one-shot romance.

  34. William Preston says:

    Though the sun and the moon have their rays,
    one works nights; the other works days.
    Said the sun to the moon,
    “Now, don’t set in a swoon,
    but your rays are but merely a phase.”

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    (The girl in Cake’s “Short Skirt/Long Jacket”)

    A basis she had for romance:
    The fellow must know how to dance.
    And once that was met,
    More guidelines she’d set;
    Including “Removal of Pants”.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    I gave my shy grandson advice:
    “Don’t sit like a damn block of ice
    Now go get up and dance
    Cuz now is your chance
    To learn touching girls feels real nice”

  37. Tim James says:

    As a girl she had studied ballet,
    And she practiced her moves ev’ry day.
    As she bent to that task,
    Other children would ask:
    “Can Anna come out and plié?”

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Bible verses all day, the nuns cite
    But at day’s end, their passions ignite
    They drink mocha, chew coca,
    Behave a bit loca
    And dance to a polka all night.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hokey Pokey

    First the right foot went in and then out
    At our parties, the kids had no doubt
    That the left foot was next
    Never made us perplexed
    And that’s what it all was about

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    The True History Of Square Dancing

    There is something I’d like to explain
    Even though it sounds rather insane
    “SWING YOUR PARTNER” began
    With a woman and man
    Who are well-known as Tarzan and Jane

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you dance, you must stay with the beat
    It’s the rhythm that makes it so sweet
    It’s “a one an a two”
    Really easy to do
    And sort of like lim’riks for feet

  42. Jean McEwen says:

    On the dance floor, I’ve got two left feet;
    Tend to perch on a far window seat.
    When “Let’s Tango!” is called
    I am most unenthralled
    (In fact, beat a most hasty retreat.)

  43. Jean McEwen says:

    If it’s Cain that you’re trying to raise,
    Try to round up a few devotees
    To the cause; then provoke
    A revolt. Go for broke!
    But expect a few counter-melees.

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    I’m working vacations these days;
    A concept that quite often pays.
    To stay within reach
    Watching girls at the beach;
    That’s likely to get me a raise.

  45. Jesse Levy says:

    A question I think I should raise:
    Are these the end of our days?
    If Trump wins again
    I guess so, so then,
    I’ll bury my brain in a haze

    Of pot smoke or good alcohol
    Cause I just couldn’t take it at all.
    But no, I should fight
    The crooks on the Right.
    I won’t let America fall.

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    At strip clubs, a number of chaps
    Pay dancers to roost on their laps.
    And here’s how it works:
    Buying wiggles and twerks
    Allows them to fill in the gaps.

  47. It’s not that I need a rooster to raise
    But there he sat, “Lord be praised”.
    He sat on the shelf
    Stuffed up as himself
    Brought him home cuz of pilfering ways.

    With feathers and red comb all a-sway
    I took him, YES, that very same day
    Can you see my dilemma
    ‘Twas a dull December
    Thus with me and cat he’s forced to stay.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    When stuck in a long bathroom queue
    Most ladies had nothing to do
    Till they started to squiggle
    Which proceeded a wiggle
    And Line Dancing made its debut

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” spends most of his days
    Working out, and I must give him praise
    He admits that he’s fat
    Yet, I’m so thankful that
    He shields me from real harmful rays

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    D on’t do “Salsa” too fast; you might slip
    A nd that would sure cause you to trip
    N ever wear slip’ry shoes
    C uz you’ll fall and abuse
    E v’ry muscle, and need a new hip

    (acrostic)

  51. Dave Johnson says:

    Their dancing was steamy and slow;
    We wondered how far they would go.
    Then, leaving the floor,
    Were they opting for more?
    The washroom attendant said “No!”

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    Some people, convinced they can dance,
    Are nothing but preening and prance.
    Their singular flair:
    Waving hands in the air;
    As bad as Sean Spicer? No chance!

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    While taking a trip to Durango
    I learned how to do the Fandango
    But another cool dance
    Got me pregnant by chance
    Cuz mom said, “It takes two to Tango”

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    Hi Mad,

    Could you please change line 5 in my posting above to read:
    “As bad as Sean Spicer? No chance!”

    Thanks, Dave J

    **
    Done.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick (3:46 pm, today) Could you change
    L3 from But there one more dance to But another cool dance

    Thank You Lisi

    *****
    Done.

  56. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a penniless farmer named Dan
    Who applied for a loan so he can
    Buy some chickens to raise.
    And he got the okays
    ‘Cause his loan’s on the lay-away plan.

  57. Must change last few lines. Here is replacement

    With his feather and red comb a-sway
    I took hem, yes, that very same day
    Can you see the dilemma
    Twas a quite dull December
    Thus with me and the cats he must stay.

    Thanks Madeleine Caryn from Maine

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hello, I would like some soft shoes
    Till you find them, I’ll go and peruse
    Your “Ole Antique Nook”
    Cuz I also must look
    For a hat and a cane. (Please excuse)

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Pregnant Again?

    While taking a trip to Durango
    I mastered the moves of Fandango
    Then I learned one more dance
    And got pregnant by chance
    (Forgot that it takes two to Tango)

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    A talented dancer named Jonas
    Met Kim at a club called The Onus.
    Now they really groove
    ‘Cause she knows how to move;
    Which works in the sack as a bonus.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    For years, I’ve been doing ballet
    But got bounced after last night’s “display”
    My poor pirouette
    I shall always regret
    Since my pony tail got in the way

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    TRUE !!

    I must tell you about my malaise
    I’ve arthritis for myriad days
    It’s killing my neck
    I am simply a wreck
    And both of my arms I can’t raise

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    He asked her “Do I bring you pleasure?”
    Her answer – not one he would treasure:
    “The issue you raise
    Might become the next phase;
    But first, we’ll need something to measure.”

  64. Tim Gray says:

    I went to the boss for a raise,
    He said, “You’ve seen much better days.
    Your work output of late
    Is strictly fourth rate
    And I’m of the mind that you laze.”

    No, simply that cannot be
    That’s someone else, it’s not me.
    I start all my work days
    Before the sun’s early rays
    And am here after afternoon tea.

    Yes, you may clock in and clock out
    But what do you do here about?
    I’ll give you a big raze
    That’ll cause more than a daze
    More like a bomb I’ve no doubt.

  65. Tim Gray says:

    The “Free World Leader’s” his claim
    But as a leader, he’s lame.
    In the new summer’s days
    When the bush fires raze,
    Do you think he’ll take the blame?

  66. Tim Gray says:

    Trump’s actions no longer faze.
    No looks, no eyebrow does raise.
    For most American folk
    He’s just a big joke…
    Save when he’s worked into a craze.

  67. Tim Gray says:

    Several States’ Electoral Law
    Is being built on houses of straw
    So that Republicans raise
    Their chances and raze
    The chances of ‘Crats even more.

  68. Tim Gray says:

    With Trump’s last flickering rays
    His effigy we’re going to raze
    A guiding light for the free
    That the whole world can see
    Democracy’s spirits to raise.

  69. Tim Gray says:

    My wife and I dance the Tango,
    The Samba, Cha Cha and Fandango.
    We both can’t resist
    The Jive or the Twist
    Or Limbo… to see how low we can go?

  70. Tim Gray says:

    I know what I’m talking about folks,
    No matter how Thunberg may coax.
    Just ignore the smoke haze
    That blocks the sun’s rays,
    Talk of climate change is a hoax,

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    (For Margo)

    They met when he asked her to dance;
    The start of an epic romance.
    Now thirty years plus,
    That’s the story of us;
    Love happens when given the chance.

  72. Roger Haugen says:

    A flagon of mead I now raise
    To Shakespeare, who wrote such great plays;
    Although I can’t quote
    A line that he wrote,
    I’ll read–maybe one of these days.

  73. Brian Allgar says:

    Want to join the Republican dance?
    If you’re stupid, this could be your chance.
    No brain is required –
    Say “Not Guilty”, you’re hired;
    Mitch just needs you to gibber and prance.

  74. Brian Allgar says:

    Can anything ever erase
    The shame of these terrible days?
    Justice stood on its head,
    And democracy dead,
    With a POTUS who knows that crime pays.

  75. Brian Allgar says:

    Once again, I am utterly pissed
    By the rhyme-words that Rhymeword has missed.
    Disbelieving, I gaze
    At the entries for ‘raise’,
    But ‘erase’ can’t be found in their list.

  76. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    When we’re dancing, her eyes tend to glaze,
    And I bask in their soft, dreamy rays –
    Till I tread on her toes!
    Then the swearwords she knows
    Would outclass all the oaths in Roget’s.

  77. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    I asked my boss for a raise
    To stay my fiscal malaise
    I was introduced
    To an alternate boost
    A leg-up on her sensuous ways

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    I remember that warm night in June
    40 years ago, oh, how I’d swoon!
    Out of nowhere, we heard
    The sweet song of a bird
    And we danced to the light of the moon

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Chuck BERRY! Oh wow, was he cute!
    He’d sing and he’d dance; what a hoot!
    My son asked of me
    “Hey Ma “What was he?
    A singer or some kind of fruit?”

    (chuckberries: yum)

  80. Tony Holmes says:

    When an ewe catches Farmer Grout’s eye,
    As the flock of his sheep pass him by,
    In the time-honoured ways,
    By the Moon’s eerie rays,
    He romances the ‘lass’ on the sly.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    The owners of “Real Fancy Mink”
    Should surely be put in the clink
    When the prices they raise
    They don’t deserve praise
    Cuz the “discount” is not what you think

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Counsel Of Seniors” is through!
    I’m so mad, I don’t know what to do!
    Barney asked for a raise
    He is sure in a daze
    He just got one in 1902 !!

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    When a winsome young ewe takes his eye,
    Farmer Grout isn’t one to be shy.
    By the Moon’s eerie rays,
    In the old-fashioned ways,
    He romances the ‘lass’ on the sly.

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    “Farmer Giles is a gentleman true!”
    So says Gertrude, his favourite ewe.
    “On occasion, we dance –
    He’s a slave to romance –
    Before getting to, ‘How do ewe do?’”

  85. Tony Holmes says:

    “When my husband comes seeking his way,
    I discourage his manly display.
    I recall, once, I gazed,
    As his manhood was razed,
    Thinking, ‘Wonder what Oprah would say?’”

  86. Tony Holmes says:

    “When my husband is feeling his oats
    I encourage with time-honoured quotes.
    ‘That’s some drawbridge you raise!’
    Says I, knowing that praise,
    Like a rising tide, lifts up all boats.”

    Devon farmers? They’m ol’-fashioned coves,
    But behaves theirselves as it behoves.
    They may be, quite by chance,
    With their wives at a dance,
    But they’m thinkin’ of ewes in their droves.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Note On Doctor’s Door Attention!

    “Doc’ Smith will be here in 2 days
    To cure ev’ry patients malaise
    But he’s real overworked
    So don’t get him irked
    And DO NOT think of questions to raise!

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    another way of putting it: “Note On Doc Smith’s Door”

    “Doc” Smith will be here in 2 days
    To cure ev’ry patients malaise
    But he’s quite overworked
    So please don’t get him irked
    Do not think of ONE question to raise!

    Sorry, Mad! I forgot the apostrophe in ” PATIENTS” in both limericks

  89. Brian Allgar says:

    She can do an incredible tango,
    And wait till you see her fandango!
    All this, if you please,
    While she grips with her knees
    An enormously fat, juicy mango.

  90. Brian Allgar says:

    Ssshhhh, Lisi, or the Punctuation Police will be breaking down your door in the middle of the nighy.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    Shake it up Baby, now. C’mon work it all out!

    I used to go twist and then shout
    Cause my hip was about to fall out
    Well, fine’ly I’m cured
    But still not assured
    Since now it’s affecting my gout

  92. Fred Bortz says:

    The latest political craze
    Is impeachment that lasts just ten days,
    But that won’t happen if
    They unleash Adam Schiff
    And allow him to riff and to raise

    Such venality that will amaze
    From this PO(tu)S who surely betrays
    Every value we hold
    With his lying, so bold.
    Yet the GOP votes that he stays.

  93. Suellen Mayfield says:

    PERFORMANCE REVIEW

    When Bob asked the boss for a raise
    He was quickly damned with faint praise:
    “Practice makes perfect,
    And there ain’t any working stiff
    More practiced in groans and oy veys.”

  94. Suellen Mayfield says:

    FREE AND EASY LIVER

    In my 20’s I was tan and skinny.
    I looked hot in my dotted bikini.
    But copping those rays
    Made my skin, these days,
    As spotted as my swimsuit had been-y.

  95. Suellen Mayfield says:

    THE MERRY CONTRACTOR

    You can holler and yammer and blaze
    About roots and community ways.
    For you times are lean, rough,
    But towers mean green stuff.
    So your neighborhood I’m going to raze.

  96. Suellen Mayfield says:

    The most amorous dance by fah
    Is the sinuous cha cha cha.
    Other dancers who step
    Seem as stiff as a goose step:
    Less fashioned for love than for wah.

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    “If we dance in the old-fashioned way,
    I might mount an unwelcome display.
    Should you happen to feel
    What I fail to conceal,
    And you find it distracting, please say.”

  98. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On Twitter Real Don would repeat
    nasty words he picked up on the street;
    he’d use them to raze
    reputations, most days,
    then most nights beat a hasty retweet.

  99. Fred Bortz says:

    He argues as if we are twits.
    His dance tears all reason to bits.
    His Twist and his Mash
    Transform logic to hash,
    So we call it the Dersho-half-witz.

  100. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “SPEAK UP. EL, AND MAKE YOURSELF CLEAR!”
    yelled Donkey at Elephant’s ear.
    “There’s no need to raise
    your voice in these ways,”
    said El, “just pretend I’m not here.”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Tribute To Michael Jackson

    I did not pass the “astronaut test”
    I must tell you I sure did my best
    But I couldn’t “Moonwalk”
    Oh Wow! Did they squawk!
    I was put under “Backslide Arrest”

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    My soothsayer gave me a call
    She’s a lady who sure does enthrall
    She said, “Wear a suit
    Cuz you’ve ‘gotta look cute
    And we’ll dance at the famed “Crystal Ball”

  103. Tony Holmes says:

    “Should we dance in the old-fashioned way,
    There’s a good chance my chap will betray
    What you may have surmised –
    Thus, will not be surprised –
    Things, when tongue-tied, I’m too shy to say.”

  104. Larz says:

    In the last Limerick-Off (queue) I introduced Sue (verse 1)
    For the current Limerick-Off, I submit verse 2 (raise).

    A naughty young nudist named Sue
    Was checking out guys for a screw.
    When she spotted his size,
    She exclaimed with wide eyes:
    “Oh, you’ll be the first in the queue!”

    Our saucy young nudist named Sue
    Was quite a fine sight in his view.
    And her naughty ways
    Gave him a hard raise…
    You all know the next thing they do!

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    “Should we dance in the old-fashioned way,
    There’s a good chance my chap will betray
    Things you may have surmised,
    But till now weren’t apprised;
    Things, when tongue-tied, I’m too shy to say.”

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    My thanks to Larz for this one. Hope you don’t mind, Larz?

    “Naughty nudists like Sue deserve praise;
    They’re such sports in their naturist ways.
    I played poker with one,
    And said, ‘This should be fun
    As I’m going all-in on this raise.’”

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    Still working on getting this right.

    “Should we dance in the old-fashioned way,
    There’s a good chance my chap will betray
    Things you may have surmised,
    But till now weren’t apprised;
    Things which, tongue-tied, I’m too shy to say.”

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    “Should we dance in the old-fashioned way,
    There’s a good chance my chap will betray
    Things of which, though surmised,
    You were not yet apprised;
    Things which, tongue-tied, I’m too shy to say.”

    That’s better.

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    “Naughty nudists like Sue should be praised;
    They don’t bet till they’ve fully appraised.
    With her eye on the pot,
    She’ll be put on the spot;
    ‘Are you going all-in now I’ve raised.’”

    Like you, Larz, I find I’m rather taken with Sue. LOL

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    “Naughty nudists like Sue should be praised;
    They don’t bet till they’ve fully appraised.
    With her eye on the pot,
    She’ll put you on the spot;
    ‘Are you going all-in now I’ve raised.’”

    Soory!

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Pilgrims arrived in a flock
    When you hear this, you’ll go into shock
    After eating the turkey
    They got kind of jerky
    And danced to “Ye Olde Plymouth Rock”

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    The toe dancers did their famed leap
    In the theater, there wasn’t a peep
    They danced in a “hush”
    There was no need to rush
    Cause the crowd there were all fast asleep

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    “Naughty nudists like Sue should be praised;
    They don’t bet till they’ve fully appraised.
    With her eye on the pot,
    She puts men on the spot;
    ‘Are you going all-in now I’ve raised.’”

    Scans better.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the post office, I had a chat
    With the mail man, (but more like a spat)
    Cuz the sign said,”We’ll raise
    Our rate for 6 days
    Then much more for each week after that”

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    a minor change

    At the post office I had a chat
    With the mail man, (or more like a spat)
    Cuz the sign said, “We’ll raise
    Our rate for 10 days
    Then again, for each week after that

  116. Tim James says:

    Fundamentalists, while they’re romancing,
    Make sure, if their love needs enhancing,
    They’re not standing up
    In the midst of their shtup
    Because people might think that they’re dancing.

  117. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  118. Tim Gray says:

    There is no smoke without fire
    And Trump is a raging pyre.
    Till the end of his days
    He’ll continue to raze
    And drag America into the mire.

  119. Tim Gray says:

    “Let the American people decide…”
    But they didn’t, so Herschmann has lied.
    A point I should well raise,
    Unrecalled after so many days,
    The Trump vote, by three million, shied.

  120. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As she moves with such grace, his heart melts
    Was he hearing the music of Celts?
    Why’s she shaking her bum
    Up and down like a drum?
    It’s the peepee dance, dumdum, what else?

  121. Suzanne Heymann says:

    He was going to end his own life
    But decided to put down the knife.
    To a strip joint he went
    Where the dancer was bent
    T’ward this horrified gent – she’s his wife!

    She stopped dancing and jumped off the stage
    As he chased her around with such rage
    His knife flipped on the fly
    And went right through his eye
    So I guess he won’t die of old age!

  122. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Fred Astaire doesn’t know how it feels
    To dance painfully, but it reveals
    Ginger flew like a wren
    Spun again and again
    Did it backwards and then in high heels!

  123. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Though I work hard as cleaner and scrubber
    And dance through the night like a clubber,
    I bounce and I flounce
    And I jounce and I pounce
    But I can’t shed an ounce of this blubber!

  124. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A Soviet martial art – Sambo
    Or a tough, one-man army called Rambo
    If I had my pick
    Of which quick trick I’d lick,
    Hmm, I think I’ll just stick to the mambo.

  125. Suzanne Heymann says:

    This hip-hop’s electro and rap
    Shows I’m too bloody old for that crap.
    I ain’t shakin’ my bacon
    You must be mistaken –
    I’d rather be takin’ a nap!

  126. Suzanne Heymann says:

    You say, “Do the Mexican Hat Dance
    While wearing a round skirt and flat pants.”
    See my girdle thing bust
    And folks watch in disgust.
    Of that happening, just a big FAT chance!

  127. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Waltzing Matilda’s a song
    To Australia it does belong
    The fires are a sin
    But she’ll fight and she’ll win
    So let’s tell her, “Hang in there, stay strong!”

  128. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I have never seen anything raze
    Like Australia’s fires these days.
    Throughout this hot weather
    It’s love’s binding tether
    Helps folks fight together, this blaze.

  129. Suzanne Heymann says:

    So, how truly bad are the sun’s rays?
    Is it worth looking sexy for days?
    Give me Vitamin D
    Not this lesion I see
    Of skin cancer; please be a short phase!

  130. Suzanne Heymann says:

    With some praise, the boss hopes that she stays.
    Here’s a mug, a new desk and bouquets.
    For solutions, he’s fished
    But his prospects were squished
    Because all what she wished for – a raise!

  131. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If your lover’s deep passion’s ablaze
    And your body parts flail in a craze
    If you know you’re not gay, be
    Prepared because maybe
    It could be a baby you raise!

  132. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Ray’s vineyard has gotten much praise
    Although wine’s not produced nowadays.
    A sweet treat’s all the craze
    Eaten so many ways
    As Ray’s raisins are raised by sun rays.

  133. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A corn farmer’s fields were ablaze
    On the only darn crop he could raise.
    His short temper was goaded
    To shoot; it exploded –
    The gun! It was loaded with maize.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    My doggie was just in a daze
    Because of her real naughty ways
    She should’ve been spayed
    Before she got laid
    And now she’s got 10 pups to raise

  135. Larz says:

    To Tony Holmes – no I don’t mind that you are enamored of my Sue…

    My Susie of nudist camp fame,
    Whose figure has won much acclaim,
    Has stolen men’s hearts
    But she always parts
    With thanks very much just the same.

  136. John Shardlow says:

    Did you enjoy the ballet today?
    When La prima performed Grand jeté
    You could here all the snickers
    She’d forgotten her knickers
    Her Nutcracker was quite a display

  137. Tim James says:

    This Republican bunch aims to raze
    The quaint notion that crime never pays.
    They’re content to ignore
    Trump’s abuses galore —
    Which they’ll do till the end of their daze.

  138. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 337. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off CHAIN.

  139. Tim Gray says:

    One thing about Trump can be said,
    “Witch Hunt’s” have gone to his head.
    No other twee phrase
    Will he immediately raise
    Though all Salem witches are dead.

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