Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 15, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to STRING INSTRUMENTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best STRING INSTRUMENT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 16, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 15, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CHAIN-rhyme limerick:

My treasured gold chain has a knot,
Which I’d meant to repair, but forgot.
I returned to the chain
Where I bought it … in vain;
Now it’s naught but a large, empty lot.

And here’s my STRING INSTRUMENT-themed limerick:

A work that was written for strings
Debuted and received many zings;
The audience booed it,
Reviewers all rued it.
But in its defense, no one sings.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

125 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 15, 2020)”

  1. Tim Gray says:

    A funny thing with a chain
    It’s repeats links again and again…
    But there is one subtraction
    And that’s a reaction…
    Once happened, it’s never again.

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    I try to lose pounds, but in vain —
    They’re locked onto my hips with a chain.
    I’ll just have to drop kugel
    And kreplach and strudel
    And stick to gefilte with chrain.

  3. I think you will find, in the main
    There’s an indissoluble chain
    ‘Twixt cowboy and kid
    I mean, heaven forbid
    You forget that immortal wail, “SHAYNE!”

  4. We recently heard a virtuoso
    Play Robert Burns’ fiddle–’twas oh, so
    Enrapturing, and
    When we gave him a hand
    He blushed and demurred, ‘Twas just so- so.”

  5. Today is the Super Bowl date
    But I have a much better fate
    There’s a doc about Klezmer
    And the newspaper says we’re
    Gonna hear a real fiddling great!

    ****

    Can you name the different strings?
    I can’t–I just don’t know such things
    I am awed in my seat
    There amid the elite
    They could probably play on bedsprings!

    *****

    Remember the chain letter fad?
    Oh God, it was awfully bad!
    If you broke the chain
    You’d be ne’er seen again!
    (Well,, that was the meme that they had!)

  6. Tim James says:

    I had gotten my gal a gold chain
    For a bracelet. She said with disdain:
    “You’re a jerk; that I knew.
    It turns out you’re cheap too!”
    All this fuss for a tiny green stain!

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Will you look at my bicycle chain!
    It’s messed-up, and I have to complain!
    All I need are some links
    But this Internet stinks
    What’s a “bike store”? Can someone explain?

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    My son is now learning guitar
    Wants to be a cool musical star
    He plays it all night
    It never sounds right
    Now our bedroom door’s never ajar

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    The viola is truly a peach!
    And really quite easy to teach!
    I told all my kids
    This instrument is
    A violin without the screech

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    All conjugal visits remain
    As a way to relieve pent-up pain
    For just once a year
    You may see sweetie dear
    And have sex with that ‘ole ball and chain

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    (From the archives)

    The conductor exclaimed “Vot ze heck!
    You, ze violin in ze last deck –
    Your playing is poor, Jack;
    Zis scraping make Dvořák
    Sound ’orribly like a dud Czech.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    She always made love with her fellow
    As though she were playing the cello.
    When she gripped with her knees,
    So hard did she squeeze
    That he gave an unmusical bellow.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “lover boy” gave me a chain
    To afford it, he said, was a “strain”
    Yet to me it looked cheap
    And I started to weep
    When it melted away in the rain

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just cannot clearly explain
    Why this dance school is really INSANE!
    It’s just so much fun
    They’ve already begun
    To open a “Cha Cha Cha” chain

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    The singing of a soleful violin
    Is quite lovely, can make your head spin.
    A Classical suite/fiddle tune,
    An homage to the full moon;
    A concerto to what might have been.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    TYPO corrected. Please disregard previous one.

    The singing of a soulful violin
    Is quite lovely, can make your head spin.
    A Classical suite/fiddle tune,
    An homage to the full moon;
    A concerto to what might have been.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version of today’s limerick from 1:20 pm

    All conjugal visits remain
    As a way to relive pent-up pain
    And once ev’ry year
    You’ll undoubtedly hear
    “Oh, Baby, keep yankin’ my chain”

  18. Tony Holmes says:

    “Joe, my lover, said I am to him,
    Like a Strad’ – it’s the top violin.
    ‘If you keep your strings tight,
    While my bow is in flight,
    We’ll make music to make Mozart grin.’”

  19. Trump doesn’t like those who complain.
    He prefers people follow the chain
    of command to his classs,
    ramming head in his ass
    and muffling “YssSrr” ‘tween his claims.

  20. Jesse Levy says:

    My wife thinks that I am a kook
    Whenever I pick up my uke
    As I act so plucky
    In fact I am lucky
    To get only one stern rebuke

    But I really enjoy when I play
    I can sit here and strum it all day
    If I hit a wrong chord
    I con the fretboard
    When I try again she says, “Oy vey! “

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    I am learning to play the guitar
    And some day, I’ll be a big star
    But I am no fool
    I found a great school
    Where “La Manicure Spot” ain’t too far

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    a minor change in L5

    I am learning to play the guitar
    And, some day, I’ll be a big star
    But I am no fool
    I found a great school
    Where “La Manicure Spot” isn’t far

  23. Val Fish says:

    Copped a fine, whilst drunk on the train
    I pulled the emergency chain
    There is no excuse
    For improper use
    Note to self; next time engage brain!

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Lisi” Problem

    In the gift shop there’s just no key chain
    I can buy and then simply obtain
    Not a one’s engraved “Lisi”
    The closest is “Missy”
    I’m outside my front door in the rain

  25. Jesse Levy says:

    The thoughts going on in my brain
    Are like one long, crazy chain
    I try to cease them
    But only increase them
    To my sleep they are really a bane.

  26. Roger Haugen says:

    Though joy I can rarely contain
    When challenged by Madeleine Kane,
    This one drives me nuts,
    No Ifs Ands or Buts–
    My mind just a huge ball and chain.

  27. Jo says:

    Prisoner John had one foot in a chain
    He tried to pull it out though in vain
    As the wall came down
    John said with a frown
    Chained or not, bye bye, I’m off again!’

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Saga Of Cello” began
    With a wise and a real healthful plan:
    “Stay out of the heat
    Ev’ry day you must eat
    A serving of crisp rosin bran”

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Brussels sprouts ached with much pain
    And were under a terrible strain
    Oh, how they felt spurned
    The day it was learned
    They were first on the “Yucky Food Chain”

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    That hot violinist named Brie
    Enticed an additional three
    In order to set
    Her new string quartet:
    “Come over and fiddle with me.”

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Teaching preschool can be such a strain
    So I had to make use of my brain!
    Fake jewl’ry was made
    And each student displayed
    Their “Chewable Cheerio Chain”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    p.s. When I taught preschool, we actually made these necklaces, using
    licorice “strings” and cereal:

    Teaching preschool can be such a strain
    So I had to make use of my brain
    Fake jewl’ry was made
    And each student displayed
    Their “Chewable Cheerio Chain”

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Heavenly Dream Gone Wrong”

    For Angela, I had desire
    But couldn’t put anything by’er
    I said I was a harp
    Yet my dream was too sharp
    And told me that I was a lyre

  34. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Sang my son, “I am Carlos Montoya!”
    as he strummed wretched chords in the foya.
    Such abuse of guitar
    only proves that kids are
    always looking for ways to annoy ya.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you play the electric guitar
    There’s no doubt that you’ll be a great star
    Cuz that damn thing’s so loud
    You will sure please the crowd
    Who won’t realize how unskilled you are

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Cello was sure not composed
    In the court his mistakes were exposed
    The jury was back
    And destroyed this dumb quack
    The verdict was guilty. Case closed.

  37. Daisy Ward says:

    The carpenter found a large chain
    Then pulled it, like it was a train
    He fell through the floor
    Got toss through a door
    Woke up in excruciating pain

  38. Daisy Ward says:

    The conductor though the violin sound bad
    Stepped on it, then suddenly got mad
    He tossed it up high
    It fell back from the sky
    When crushed, he suddenly felt sad

  39. Brian Allgar says:

    “Shifty Schiff needs a ball and a chain,
    And a bunch of them Dems should be slain!
    Now impeachment is done,
    I can have me some fun
    Far more gross than Caligula’s reign.

    Susan Collins, that ugly old beagle,
    Confirms that my powers are regal.
    Gonna show some new tricks
    To them underage chicks –
    When the President does it, it’s legal!”

  40. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Please allow me this small misconstruction,
    followed up with a flimsy deduction:
    bikinis with strings,
    though not musical things,
    are string instruments of mass seduction.

  41. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The foreboding chain letter was plain–
    “Send this on, or you’ll suffer great pain.”
    So I covered my ass,
    sent out letters en masse,
    and let somebody else break the chain.

  42. Tim Gray says:

    Have you ever noticed how gaily
    I play on my small ukulele.
    It would really be missed
    And I’d go round the twist
    If it’s something I didn’t do daily.

  43. Tim Gray says:

    On a fiddle I’m really a klutz,
    No question, no if’s and no but’s
    But on my Stradivari
    My music’s light and it’s airy
    And the audience simply goes nuts.

  44. Tim Gray says:

    The dog started to heave
    It’s kennel, when it saw us leave,
    That put undue strain
    On it’s cheap choker chain
    That killed it when it couldn’t breathe.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    In an old house in Maine
    The toilet still had a chain.
    It came off in my hand,
    And where did it land?
    Sadly it went down the drain.

  46. Tim James says:

    Many gals in the orchestra face
    An attempt by a guy, a disgrace,
    To do sexual things
    With the “babes” in the strings —
    Though he still hasn’t got to first bass.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    Are the American voters insane
    When they support again and again
    That buffoon of a chump,
    One President Trump,
    Whose lies form an unbroken chain?

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trying To Get Into College

    On the “practice test” I have reviewed
    All the answers, so I could conclude
    That a “hat’s to a head”
    Like a sheet’s to a bed
    And a banjo’s like Spam is to food

  49. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double – if you allow the name ‘Viola’ to qualify also as a string instrument)

    Young Daisy wore only a chain
    As we scewed on my lawn in the rain,
    And as for Viola,
    That sweet garden-roller,
    The grass never grew back again.

  50. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The Old Mariner cried, “What the heck?!
    With an albatross–dead–I must trek?!
    Can’t I just drag a chain
    to display your disdain,
    not this smelly old pain in the neck?”

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    I’ve lost count of the horrible things
    That McConnell, Trump’s instrument, brings.
    But let’s not forget
    He’s a marionette –
    It is Donald who’s pulling the srings.

  52. Jean McEwen says:

    In our section, I play second fiddle–
    But please, do not mock or belittle
    My role–‘cause my skills
    (My vibratos and trills)
    Deserve neither your scorn nor your spittle.

  53. Jean McEwen says:

    Will we ever find out the full chain
    Of events that led up to Ukraine?
    (Trump’s corruption, that is….)
    I doubt it, ‘cause his
    Is one grand feat of legerdemain.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    The pot calling the kettle black
    Indicates a complete and utter moral lack.
    Like a single string base,
    Not too subtle an efface,
    GOP morality’s so out of whack.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    I bought an antique locket and chain,
    For as her partner I meant to remain.
    She said look, it’s so old
    And it’s only nine caret gold,
    And she threw it at me in disdain.

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    So ends the most craven of trials,
    In a swamp of obsequious smiles.
    Republican music
    Can’t fail to make you sick –
    It’s played by a consort of viles.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hello! I would like a nice chain
    But I’d like it to be rather plain
    See, I won’t spend a lot
    Cuz my wife’s not that hot
    And I’ll prob’ly get married again

  58. Brian Allgar says:

    He beat his pet dog with a chain;
    It obeyed him from fear and from pain.
    “Lick my asshole, you bitch!”
    Though the dog was called Mitch,
    He would lick it again and again.

  59. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump’s impeachment – the aftermath

    In a show that surpassed the Third Reich’s,
    Traitors’ heads were impaled upon spikes.
    They’d been hanged with a chain
    On the White House terrain,
    Live on Facebook, with millions of ‘likes’.

  60. ALAN HUNTER says:

    It’s the season for critters with wings
    To make their nests with all sorts of things
    They won’t hesitate
    To rob strings from my bass
    For up in the branches they cling!

  61. Mike Young says:

    Our Donald is really a pain.
    We should send him away on a plane.
    And when he’s de-planed
    He must be restrained
    By locking him up with a chain.

  62. Mike Young says:

    Did you know it’s called violoncello?
    And playing it can sound so mellow.
    If you like such a sound
    Then just look around
    When you see one you just may not bellow.

  63. Mike Young says:

    America’s favorite mugwump
    Most likely will try to gazump
    Again and again
    Till he’s locked with a chain.
    He’d then be ex-President Trump?

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Growing Old: Yuk

    My arthritis sure drives me insane!
    I gripe, but it’s truly in vain
    And what worries me more
    Is what’s next in store?
    Since that’s only one link in the chain

  65. Fred Bortz says:

    If you are a link in the chain
    Of experts who study Ukraine,
    You’ll be stabbed in the back
    By a Twitter attack
    From a boss who’s vindictive and vain.

    No matter that you suffered pain,
    Which your purple heart makes very plain,
    If you stand up for right
    You will suffer the blight
    Of the Most Stable Genius’s reign.

    Now I really don’t mean to complain
    But our country’s now marked by the stain
    Of flagrant dismissals
    Of folks who blow whistles.
    How long will that stigma remain?

  66. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’m so modest I always refrain
    from flaunting my solid gold chain.
    If I wear it, I must
    scrape off layers of rust,
    and to do so might make me look vain.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Orchestral Component (acrostic)

    V ery lovely deep tones you will hear
    I ts music delightful and clear
    O rchestral in sound
    L earned players around
    A nd its alto clef, sweet to the ear

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    My buddy is feeling real crappy
    I never have heard him so snappy!
    The banjo, he played
    But in time got dismayed
    He was tired of being so happy

  69. Fred Bortz says:

    I’ve been tutored to toot the kazoo.
    My tunes and my rhythms are true.
    But I can’t play a thing
    On a musical string.
    Yes I fret that I don’t have a clue.

  70. Tim James says:

    True story…

    I had lunch (though I hate to complain)
    At a branch of a hamburger chain.
    The next thing I knew
    I was stuck in the loo.
    Salmonella’s a whole world of pain.

  71. Tim Gray says:

    The God you believe in so much,
    A belief to which you firmly clutch,
    The sad fact shall remain,
    Though you firmly enchain,
    To a belief that is really a crutch.

  72. Tim Gray says:

    He broke my bicycle chain
    Doing MX on rough terrain,
    And he too broke the gears
    So I’m really in tears
    As he hasn’t a cent to his name.

  73. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, your whining wears thin,
    It’s like the screech of a flat violin.
    Don’t be a buffoon,
    Screaming that raucous tune
    Or a second term you will not win

  74. Fred Bortz says:

    A two-fer

    There once was a musical fellow
    Whose melodies sounded quite mellow.
    But he would complain
    Of the weight of the chain
    Round his neck that supported his cello.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    My will states “I here do bequeath
    My cello to dear uncle Keith
    My fiddle shall go
    To sweet uncle Joe
    Cuz he’s missing a whole lot of teeth”

  76. Kirk Miller says:

    Throughout hist’ry we’ve acted like tyrants.
    Mother Nature we’ve thumbed with defiance.
    We’re not top of the chain.
    To the Earth, we’re a pain.
    It’s not humans, but trees, that are giants.

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    With lush tones her instrument brings,
    She’s playing some beautiful things.
    But finding a place
    For a harpist to base;
    She might have to pull a few strings.

  78. Al says:

    Writing a Limerick with “chain”
    Is not a real test of the brain
    Because rhyming a word
    With small effort incurred
    Won’t make me the world’s next Mark Twain

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    The banjo is “second to none”
    So listen, I just have begun:
    “Deliv’rance” was great
    “Cool Hand Luke” was first rate
    And Pete Seeger sure had lots of fun

  80. Tim James says:

    In the mountains, this small, remote nook
    Is delightful, with woods, birds, and brook.
    And the air is so clear!
    Hold on, what’s that I hear?
    A guitar and a banjo? Let’s book!

  81. Kirk Miller says:

    Young guitarist is great; none are finer.
    But he got a black eye, quite a shiner,
    ‘Cause a high school girl’s dad
    Thought he’d done something bad
    When dad heard boy had fingered A minor.

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Revised acrostic limerick, originally submitted Feb. 9, 6:34 pm

    V ery dark, stately music you’ll hear
    I ts timbre delightful and clear
    O rchestral in sound
    L ovely tones will astound
    A nd its alto clef, sweet to the ear

  83. Larz says:

    I loved a young lady named Jane,
    And gave her a fine golden chain.
    Then, not to be lewd,
    She said she’d be wooed,
    Again, and again, and again.

  84. Dave Johnson says:

    A footballer’s stunt with a chain
    Attached to his truck was insane.
    Before he would flinch,
    It did not move an inch;
    The parking brake held for no gain.

  85. Rwspisak says:

    You ask that we treat on the string
    Section, that pitsicatto will ring
    But My thoughts drift to Cage
    Who was quite the rage
    When he plucked piano strings
    Well prepared
    Ignoring the keys
    He was bold
    I heard him perform – on a roll
    But the piece he perform’d
    Was by some even scorned
    In the piece
    He quietly yearned
    No plucking string steadied he
    No piano weary
    Not a key
    But a twelve bar silence
    Some resorted to violence
    But John Cage
    Left the state in “RE-Silence”*

    *Madame First Lady’s term

  86. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The Trumpdon has newly acquired
    The Trump Doll — no assembly required.
    When you pull on its chain
    to start up its wee brain,
    it says “Hoax!” “Scam!” “I’m perfect!” “You’re fired!”

  87. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The Trumpdom has newly acquired
    The Trump Doll — no assembly required.
    When you pull on its chain
    to start up its wee brain,
    it says “Hoax!” “Scam!” “I’m Perfect!” “You’re fired!”

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend plays bass, no one’s finer
    Dad caught us and gave him a shiner
    Then my “sweet” was indicted
    On three counts, was cited
    The first one was “Fin’gring A Minor”

  89. Dave Johnson says:

    I’m not really one to complain,
    But people keep yanking my chain.
    Like most shows on Fox
    Where everyone talks
    As if Donald Trump’s not insane.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Psychotherapists mostly begin
    By hearing your woes, so you’ll “win”
    My “doc” is so shrewd
    He sets the right mood
    While you’re crying, he plays violin

  91. Dave Johnson says:

    (A friend of mine in a band deals with this issue)

    In order to power the crowd,
    Our bassist will turn it up loud.
    But playing the drums
    Near his amp always numbs
    The side of my face – makes him proud.

  92. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you DO it right, you’ll make a zither
    Play notes that will tell her, “Come hither”
    But if it sounds askew
    Like a gnu with the flu,
    Then her int’rest in you might just wither.

  93. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I hope I have not overridden
    Your “strings” rules (in case it’s forbidden)
    What my limerick brings
    Are pianos (nice things!)
    And they all come with strings, but they’re hidden.

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A conversation I had with my dad when I was a kid (true story):

    “Pick a musical tool if you yearn it.
    I will buy it for you if you learn it.”
    I said, “Harp!” He said, “Poo!
    A tin whistle should do
    For a small kid like you!” (no, I’ll burn it!)

    His words poked me sharp as a thistle
    The pain of rejection – abyssal!
    He said, “Price is too steep”
    He ain’t broke, he’s just cheap!
    He can shove his damn (bleepin’) tin whistle!

    Well, we did have an organ in stock
    Which I played ever since I could talk
    But he’d use it all day
    I’d have nothing to play
    With my talent delayed ’round the clock.

    Years passed on; I played clarinet, flute,
    Harmonica, autoharp (cute)
    But my weakness is clear –
    I play mostly by ear
    Reading notes ain’t my nearly strong suit.

    In my teens, I received an old fiddle
    Played a song in ten minutes (a riddle!)
    But now, my first choice –
    A guitar with a voice
    And jam sessions rejoice as we diddle.

    (Geez, five flippin’ verses, what’s with that?! I’ll tell ya what: I started off with two and wanted to end it right there, but I saw how it ended so negatively and had no closure, so I decided to bore readers with one more verse of life story stuff. Still a bad sad ending. Okay, one more update, and make it a happy one, I told myself. But more things happened as I approached old age. So one more verse gave me the closure I needed)
    (Oh, you patient people, you!)

  95. Suzanne Heymann says:

    We once played a prank on John’s cello
    We filled the damn thing full of Jell-O.
    When he started to play,
    The thing started to sway,
    Came down crashing and sprayed the poor fellow.

    The audience roared; what a scene!
    The best part – it was slimy and green!
    ‘Twas obscene, we felt mean
    So we helped with hygiene
    And mopped everything clean and pristine.

  96. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A small family of local talented musicians I know called Trinitude write original songs and sing and play numerous musical instruments, including a hurdy-gurdy. Fascinating thing; sounds like a cross between a violin and bagpipes. It produces sound by a hand crank-turned rosined wheel rubbing against the strings. The wheel functions much like a violin bow, and the melodies are played on a keyboard with a finger to activate notes, pressing small wedges against one or more of the strings to change the pitch. (good golly, the story’s longer than the limerick!)

    Farmer Zeke had a nice hurdy-gurdy
    And oh my, that cute thang sure was purdy.
    He uses his finger
    Till sounds she makes linger
    Now dontcha go thinkin’ thoughts dirty!

  97. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A two in one:

    Like a link at the end of a chain,
    Their last song in this concert would reign.
    Reed and Juber had played
    Two guitars whose sounds made
    Them get big accolades for “Last Train.”

  98. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The cop asked the drunk in the rain,
    “Where to? It’s past midnight! Explain!”
    “To a lecture; can’t wait!”
    “Who gives lectures this late?”
    “Just my wife, sir, the great ball and chain.”

  99. Suzanne Heymann says:

    At the top of the nation’s food chain,
    Sits a predator lacking a brain.
    He attacks and rampages,
    Leaves children in cages
    His cruelty’s outrageous, insane!

  100. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Has your toilet gone out of control?
    I see nothing is plugging the hole.
    It’s the flapper again!
    Got detached from the chain
    And the water can’t drain to the bowl.

    We have got to repair this thing quick
    ‘Cause the poo smell is making me sick!
    It is curdling my brain
    So let’s fix that damn chain
    Before I go insane with a stick!

  101. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Dolly dropped (in the sink) her gold chain
    Called the plumber to unclog her drain.
    He looked through, she did too,
    But her chest blocked his view
    Nothing much he could do but abstain!

  102. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (Another true story… oh yippy skippy, right?)

    It was during one jolly jam session
    I created a tiny transgression:
    While I tuned my guitar,
    Turned the string’s knob too far
    Till the string popped, which marred self-expression.

    I’m quite lucky the string was a B
    If the damn thing, instead, had been G,
    I would not hear the end
    Of the jokes from each friend:
    “Much too far you were bending, heehee!”

    What they’d mean is, my “G string” had snapped
    But what’s worse is, I would have felt trapped
    When the music store clerk
    Would guffaw, go berserk
    And say, “Nice piece of work, want it wrapped?”

    But if one day my G string should bust,
    I’ll pretend to be ill and I’ll just
    Buy all strings, one of each
    I’ll avoid their free speech
    No conclusion they’ll reach then, I trust!

    (I was so tempted to keep my first phrase in Verse 1 Line 5 as ” … which marred my progression” instead of “… which marred self-expression” because the first one gave the verse the meaning I wanted, but I knew that “transgression” and “progression’ can’t be at the end of their lines within the one verse, as the consonants on the stressed syllables, “gr”, are the same, and that’s equivalent to saying the same word twice, which everyone knows is a no-no in proper limerick writing, but the switcheroo will have to suffice [why can’t I ever make a long story short?! Dang!])

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was time for the “Solo By Gail”
    (Who was sure that her skills wouldn’t fail)
    Felt her precious guitar
    Would get her real far
    Till she played a note not in the scale

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    above limerick: slightly revised:

    It was time for the “Solo By Gail”
    Who was certain her fame would prevail
    Felt her precious guitar
    Would get her real far
    Then she hit a note not in the scale

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Miss Lily, “The Symphony Slime”
    Figured out something truly sublime
    Played the harp with both feet
    Which just couldn’t be beat
    Cuz she finished in half of the time

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    Performing with symphony strings
    In discomfort an itch often brings,
    He scratched with his bow
    Thinking no one would know;
    But zippers are weird-sounding things.

  107. A virgin viola named Vera
    Fretted opening night taut with terror.
    “If I whinny or whine
    When my beau’s strings touch mine,
    The whole world will hear of my error!”

  108. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  109. Suzanne Heymann says:

    She is not just the old ball and chain
    She will care, make you laugh, ease your pain.
    She’s as smart as a book
    And you’re never a schnook
    And she will let you cook with champagne!

  110. Tim Gray says:

    The band who first smashed their guitars
    Were very good friends of ours.
    We said, “At the end of your gig,
    Smash all of your rig
    And it’ll make you Overnight Stars.”

  111. Tim Gray says:

    Kenney on bass, Johnny as lead,
    Me drums, who else would we need?
    Then Jason on fiddle
    Soon solved that riddle
    And proved he was needed indeed.

  112. Beri Caram says:

    I know of a clever Great Dane
    Who happens to live in my lane
    She sure can do rhymes
    As easy as limes
    But don’t ever yank on her chain.

  113. Beri Caram says:

    There once was a rooster named Rain
    Who lived on a window pane
    He thought he would die
    Unless he could fly
    But sadly he was tied to a chain.

  114. Beri Caram says:

    Come thunder or lightning or rain
    I tie myself up with a chain
    I ramble and I prowl
    I snarl and I growl
    Perhaps you are right – I am sane.

  115. Beri Caram says:

    Who knows who is nutty or sane?
    One wonders and thinks all in vain
    Your brisk is my lazy
    My sane is your crazy
    Oh please won’t you undo my chain?

  116. Beri Caram says:

    The ghost came rattling a chain
    To stop him I tried but in vain
    The spirit so mean
    Created a scene
    And all of my guests turned insane.

  117. Beri Caram says:

    There once was a rooster named Rain
    Who lived on a geometric plane
    He thought he would die
    Unless he could fly
    But sadly he was tied to a chain.

  118. Beri Caram says:

    There once was a young lad called Shane
    Who played with his ball and his chain
    While serving his time
    Because of the crime
    Of stalking a singer called Twain

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cartoons, way back when, would excite
    All us kids, as we laughed with delight
    Geppetto was sharp
    Minnie Mouse played the harp
    That Walt Disney was sure”out of sight”

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick, L1 should not read “did excite”
    It should read “would” excite.
    Could you please change that word for me?

    Thank You
    Lisi

    ****

    Done.

  121. Byron Miller says:

    String ensembles are musically mellow;
    I’m a center front row type of fellow.
    And if she’s a flirt,
    I can peek up the skirt
    Of the woman who’s playing the cello.

  122. Byron Miller says:

    String ensembles are musically mellow;
    I’m a center front row type of fellow.
    I’m also a flirt
    And may peek up the skirt
    Of the woman who’s playing the cello.

    (This variation has the speaker taking responsibility for his actions, instead of blaming the woman.)

  123. Byron Miller says:

    L4 – And may peek… ( to make it a possibility)
    Thanks, Mad.

    **

    Changed it for you.

  124. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’m now at the end of my chain–
    at this hour only die-hards remain.
    We’re still linked to the Muse
    who will not let us choose
    to refrain from that one last refrain.
    .

  125. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 338. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cash.

Leave a Reply