Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 5, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LITIGATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LITIGATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 6, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 5, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD-rhyme limerick:

Don’t make me eat chard that’s been charred.
Even non-charred, I find it quite hard
To eat and digest.
At my tastebuds’ behest,
Be on guard against chard. It’s been barred.

And here’s my LITIGATION-themed limerick:

The litigants reached an accord;
One that none of the parties adored.
“That’s as it should be,”
Said the judge. “I decree
This case closed. None too soon! I was bored.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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75 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 5, 2020)”

  1. Tony Holmes says:

    A Twofer to start?

    Yes, a lawyer’s career could be marred
    By dyslexia, making life hard.
    It might lead to a suit
    Without wiggle room – moot?
    You can’t say, “Mrs Brace, you’re disbrarred!”

  2. Tony Holmes says:

    I shall try and improve the second line but I think I’ll be hard pressed. (No pun etc etc.)

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald called the security guard.
    “My key’s stuck in the door from the yard!
    Get it open!” he bitched.
    “Sir, the locks have been switched;
    Since you lost the election, you’re barred.”

  4. Michael P Moulton says:

    Trump had lost, and being sore
    He sent Rudy off to war,
    “If only we sue,
    Each state that’s blue,
    We’ll reverse the electoral score.”

  5. Tim James says:

    To acknowledge the problem is hard,
    But the Justice Department’s been marred
    By the current AG.
    It’s quite easy to see
    That the path to true justice is Barred.

  6. Sharon Neeman says:

    Lots of great AG picks on Joe’s slates —
    I’ll cite Garland, Jones, Patrick and Yates —
    So the choice may be hard,
    But that office dis-Barr’d
    Is a glorious thing for the States.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    “That Bacon’s a fraud!” yelled the Bard.
    His poxy pretence is ill-starred!
    He claims that he wrote
    All my plays, every quote –
    So I’m suing the scurvy blow-hard!”

  8. Bob Turvey says:

    In a thousand porn movies I’ve starred,
    The sort in which no holds are barred.
    My mum said, “It’s sleazy –
    Has it ever been easy?”
    So I told her, “It’s always been hard.”

  9. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a soldier, “My love life is fraught.”
    So a legal opinion he sought.
    Said the lawyer, “Let’s see.
    You had bromide in tea?
    Well that won’t stand up in a court.”

  10. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At my watering hole, Le Canard,
    I give legal advice — it’s not hard.
    Then the pandemic war
    Puts a lock on that door.
    For the third time this year, I’m disbarred!

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    To speak like the eminent Bard,
    The words we use now: disregard.
    For the verbs, just add “eth”
    As he did in “Macbeth”
    It’s a cinch that methinks isn’t hard.

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    Man packed up, changed his habitation;
    Skipped his rent, caused some litigation.
    Rental firm was appalled.
    Into court he was hauled,
    And the charge: moving violation.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    I studied the law and its mission.
    And no one had any suspicion
    That I did something cool:
    I sued my own school.
    And got back my total tuition.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “Seems our king played one round – under-parred!
    But the Captain, stern-faced, marked his card.
    He’d insisted, each green,
    That he must ‘putt’ the queen,
    And from that day to this, they’ve been barred.”

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    This lockdown’s increasingly hard;
    Pleasant habits I’ve had to discard.
    Around seven, I think
    I’ll go out for a drink,
    But I find the whole town’s been dis-barred.

  16. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Friggin,” “Freakin” and “Fuggin” bombard
    Folks with F-words not #@%! or starred.
    Euphemisms much worse
    Than the actual curse.
    (Frick and Frack would be taking this hard).

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    “Sure, I’m suing them Michigan queers.
    The obituaries prove all my fears.
    Voter fraud ain’t a myth –
    There’s a guy called ‘John Smith’
    Voted Dem. He’s been dead eighty years!”

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve thought of a law that is wise.
    It’s so smart, it should win a great prize.
    It concerns Trump, (who’s crude)
    And should clearly be sued,
    For telling us absolute lies.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR

    I’ve thought of a law that is wise.
    It’s so smart, it should win a great prize.
    It concerns Trump, (who’s crude)
    And should clearly be sued,
    For “Bee Essing” with all of his lies.

  20. Paul Haebig says:

    This organ stop’s called the Bombarde.
    You can hear it across the church yard.
    No! Don’t stand so near
    to the pipes, or your ear
    could be irreversibly scarred!

  21. Paul Haebig says:

    “No more Shakespeare! I’m sick of the Bard!”
    He screamed at his agent: “I’ve starred
    as Puck, Angelo;
    could I once play Godot?
    Or somebody more avant-garde?”

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double)

    Donald’s planning some new litigation.
    “I won! But I’m feelin’ frustration.
    State by state is too hard;
    Sleepy Joe must be barred,
    So I’m suing the whole goddam nation!”

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    (… a couple from the boneyard)

    Donald Trump has been sadly maligned;
    To call him a clown is unkind.
    It really won’t do,
    And he’s tempted to sue;
    As he puts it, “I have half a mind …”

    I really don’t know what to do;
    I dated a lawyer, who knew
    How to trap me with come-ons;
    I’ve just got a summons.
    You guessed it – the lawyer’s called Sue.

  24. John Shardlow says:

    Some oysters had caught us of guard
    She cried “Please, give it me hard”
    No repression or cares
    We broke table and chairs
    The waitress was screaming “You’re barred!”

  25. Sharon Neeman says:

    Don’s fiascos of vote litigation
    Are polluting the air of our nation.
    His judiciary fouls
    Smell as rank as loose bowels,
    And we wish he would get constipation.

  26. Tim Gray says:

    Judges comments about Rudi Giuliani’s arguments:

    It seems your thinking is flawed,
    As such it shall be ignored.
    If you can’t get it right
    You should study at night,
    Such laxness is to be deplored.

  27. Tim Gray says:

    From once being “America Great”
    Trump’s now made it third rate.
    It grates at the maw
    As he’s abusing the Law
    Like a Banana Republican State.

  28. Tim Gray says:

    I’m schizoid and saw myself nude
    And one of my selves is a prude.
    Now here is the score,
    She went to the law
    Where I was charged with behaviour that’s lewd.

  29. Tim Gray says:

    I am really so clever,
    I use the law as a lever.
    I set up the frame
    So they’ll get the blame
    And keep making money for ever.

  30. Tim Gray says:

    In Utah each breastfeeding mum
    From the law, will be on the run,
    If it is discovered
    Their breasts were uncovered
    And the baby can see either one.

  31. Tim Gray says:

    I’m lawyered up, raring to go,
    Ready to strike the first blow.
    But first I’ll get married,
    Then I’ll get harried
    That’s what I’ve been led to know.

  32. Tim Gray says:

    We know much better than you,
    So this is what we will do.
    We’ll enact some new laws
    That remove your just cause
    And deny your ability to sue.

  33. Tim Gray says:

    Although it has dominion,
    The law is just an opinion.
    All of that guff
    Is just made up stuff
    Used in controlling the minion.

  34. Paul Haebig says:

    It’s held in the highest regard
    Celebrated by minstrel and bard
    Her rivals, they quake
    At my Lady’s milkshake
    As it brings all the squires to the yard!

  35. Tony Holmes says:

    Olden days, you were feathered and tarred –
    Do not try this at home! It’s quite hard
    To wash off. Nowadays,
    They have softened their ways
    And the miscreant simply gets barred.

  36. There once was an old middling bard
    who had worked on a lawyer’s verse hard
    until when he came on the
    fact it was Giuliani
    and said “Eureka! The last rhyme word’s ‘disbarred!”

  37. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though his lingo is littered with lard,
    And for Shakespeare I’ve little regard,
    When I smell a fart now,
    I say, “Wherefore art thou?”
    To prove that I CAN quote The Bard.

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    Heavy Breathing: A Guide For Beginners …

    Run a few flights of stairs. Blowing hard,
    Call your number of choice – if not barred.
    Steady rhythm – don’t cough!
    If she don’t cut you off,
    Add the number to contacts, five starred.

  39. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry about this, but ‘hole’ is better.

    “Seems our king played one round – under-parred!
    But the Captain, stern-faced, marked his card.
    He’d insisted, each green,
    That he must ‘hole’ the queen,
    And from that day to this, they’ve been barred.”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Othello”

    If you vanish right into thin air,
    Your friends feel such pain and despair.
    So why didn’t the Bard
    Look real extra hard?
    Did know about Desdi’s affair?

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    If learning ’bout Shakespeare’s too hard,
    Throw away stuff you say, and discard.
    Then make up expressions.
    Create cool impressions.
    And some gibberish, doth like the Bard.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    better and makes more sense:

    If learning’ ’bout Shakespeare’s too hard,
    Get rid of your words and discard.
    Then make great impressions.
    Create new expressions.
    And some gibberish doth like the Bard.

  43. Loyd Dillon says:

    His legal team should be disbarred
    For making transition so hard.
    ” More litigation!”
    “No mediation!”
    These crooks should be feathered and tarred.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Once you’ve caught your ambulance …

    “Litigation? A means of redress
    For the trauma you suffered, the stress.”
    “But I didn’t.” “Poor chap!
    Loss of memory – mayhap,
    I can get you some extra! I’ll press.”

  45. Tim Gray says:

    Oblique reference to Steve Bannon wanting to resurrect old style punishments…

    “The quality of mercy”, quoth the bard
    When Shylock, from causing death was barred.
    Will Trump expect such respite
    When finally ends his losing fight
    Deposed, unfeathered and untarred?

  46. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Ma! I killed me a bar in the yard!”
    Cried brave Davy, unscarred, breathing hard.
    “Bar the door, boy, and lock it,”
    Said Ma to young Crockett,
    “There be more bar out thar to be barred!”

  47. Doug Harris says:

    My rhymes pack a punch, leave you scarred,
    Explosive, with wordplay so hard.
    They’ve an impact so vast –
    Hell, I have such a blast!
    That’s why my pen name’s the ‘Bomb Bard’.

  48. Mark Mironer says:

    Poor Donnie is taking it hard
    So he’s hunting for votes to discard.
    Sent his crooked A.G.
    On a fraud faking spree.
    Certifiably, Barr’ll be disbarred.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw my lawyer at Shyster Street Bar.
    He said something very bizarre:
    “Thanks for paying the fee,
    It’s my turn for a plea,
    It still didn’t pay for my car.”

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR

    Saw my lawyer at Shyster Street Bar.
    His request was a quite bit bizarre:
    “Though you paid me the fee,
    I need more, (please agree)
    Just enough to pay off my new car.”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Watching TV is now very hard.
    Cuz I simply cannot disregard
    Interruptions ’bout drugs,
    And those side-effect “bugs”
    Known as “New Meds And Health Plans Bombard”

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    That pumpkin-faced bucket of lard
    Has played out his very last card.
    The voter fraud myth
    Should be ending up with
    His shirt-tucking lawyer disbarred.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Guilty Verdict Is In But…..

    The defendant would simply not budge.
    He announced what he said was his grudge:
    “This trial’s a disgrace,
    And a prejudiced case,
    Cuz the plaintiff plays golf with the judge”

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    Hi Mad – could you please change line 3 in my posting above to read:
    The “voter fraud” myth

    Thanks, Dave
    **********

    Done

  55. P Diane Schneider says:

    If you file a frivolous case
    Do you just seek to lose face?
    Judge will disregard
    And you’ll be disbarred
    By seeking support of your base

  56. P Diane Schneider says:

    Yes Rudy’s indeed a bombard
    He fakes the injustice card
    Now everyone saw
    He can’t practice law
    Someone please just call the guard

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    “Litigation? It’s when you get screwed
    By some low-life whose vision is skewed.
    Put a foot out of line,
    You’ll get slapped with a fine,
    Then you’re rushed into court to get sued.”

  58. Tim James says:

    “To my girlfriend,” wrote ardent Bernard
    (Who considered himself quite the bard),
    “You’re a treasure, sweet Jo;
    You make love like a pro.”
    He got dumped. Writing poetry’s hard!

  59. Brian Allgar says:

    The windows were padlocked and barred.
    The detectives were stumped; Scotland Yard
    Called a private detective
    Who’d prove more effective:
    “Sherlock Holmes” was the name on his card.

    Inspector Lestrade was quite shocked
    By how quickly the case was unblocked.
    Said Holmes, “Elementary!
    The burglar gained entry
    By opening this door – it’s not locked!”

  60. Brian Allgar says:

    Rudy cries “I’ll continue to sue
    Every state that attempts to vote blue!
    And as for my face,
    It’s a total disgrace,
    So I’m suing those dye-makers too.”

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    My love life has faced much defeat.
    When I’m dumped, I feel so incomplete.
    But that crazy old Bard,
    Didn’t make that sound hard.
    Cuz the truth is that sorrow ain’t sweet.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    In order to make a decision,
    The lawyer was faced with derision.
    Cuz to be real exact,
    He asked for this fact:
    “How close were the cars at collision?”

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Oh, a masochist’s life must be hard.
    Should be plead to be feathered…or tarred?
    Must he suffer a win
    If he saves his own skin
    When he begs to be tethered not barred?

  64. Brian Allgar says:

    “When cooking your turkey, first bard
    It with bacon, or fine strips of lard,
    Then stuff it …” What, THERE?
    That’s disgusting! I swear,
    Then I chuck the whole thing in the yard.

  65. Dave Johnson says:

    At noontime, the judges would play
    Some ping-pong to lighten the day.
    One blast – it went right
    Through the door, out of sight;
    “The ball’s in your court” he did say.

  66. Sharon Neeman says:

    It behooves the American nation,
    In this era of grave infestation,
    To wash hands and wear masks,
    Avoid crowds and shared flasks,
    And refrain from inane litigation.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Two lawyers in carnal embrace
    Take a recess, of sorts, to touch base.
    She says, “Milk litigation,
    Don’t rush to summation,
    Before you have stated your case.”

  68. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A Short Ode (aren’t you glad) To A Maso-Limerichism

    By one typo a lim’rick be marred,
    And from Great Halls of Fame ever barred.
    Naught to do but stay calm —
    Your device is a bomb;
    You’ve been hoisted by your own petard.

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    “You aspire to the life of the bard?
    He – or she – must drink deep and play hard.
    Inspiration: its ways
    Are mysterious. Days,
    Even weeks, can be lost. Be on guard!

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    This year, we’ve been frightened a lot.
    Almost feels like a real evil plot.
    And even the Bard,
    Who’s taking it hard,
    Wants to know, “Where the hell eth the shot?”

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    A variation on the bardic theme.

    “So-o-o, you fancy yourself as a bard?
    Are you willing to drink – long and hard?
    Have you reckoned the cost?
    Weeks and months can be lost.
    It’s a steep price to pay, Beauregard.”

  72. Tony Holmes says:

    For a lawyer, dyslexia goes hard.
    Case in point, “Mrs Brace, you’re disbrarred.”
    The result is a suit
    That the judge thinks is cute,
    With a marked lack of jiggle. En Garde!

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m a lawyer, who guys think is cute.
    But in time they all give me the boot.
    They need more than a pal
    And not some well-trained gal,
    Who’s been formally trained to dispute.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: for line 4, could you please change “And not some well-trained gal” to…. And not some real smart gal

    Thank You, Lisi

  75. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Donald Trump to reporters when pressed,
    On which job he most favored, confessed:
    “Though it’s cool to bombard
    Ev’ry fool in this yard,
    I like pardoning turkeys the best.”

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