Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MODE/MOWED/COMMODE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 19, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MODE or MOWED or COMMODE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MARKETS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MARKET-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 20, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 19, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my MODE/MOWED/COMMODE-rhyme limerick:

I failed to gain ground as I rowed;
When it’s windy and rainy this mode
Of transit is risky.
Boat’s frisky. Craved whiskey!
But mostly I longed to be towed.

And here’s my MARKETS-themed limerick:

I’m amazed when I see people graze
At the market, as if at buffets.
It is one thing to try
A sample, but why
Eat enough food to last them for days.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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164 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MODE/MOWED/COMMODE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 19, 2020)”

  1. Bob Turvey says:

    When Louis Quatorze played Miss Thrush,
    At strip-poker ― he caused her to blush.
    When her great pair was showed
    He filled his commode —
    And he won — ‘cos he had a Royal Flush!

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    Said our marketing man, “A sensation!
    Our dildoes have thrilled the whole nation.
    Why in South Delaware
    We’ve the whole market share;
    We’ve a hundred percent penetration.”

  3. Paul Haebig says:

    My trip to the market was fruitless
    Also vegetable-, stem-, stalk-, and root-less.
    They have nothing I need
    But it’s still guaranteed
    When I’m done with my shopping I’m loot-less.

  4. Paul Haebig says:

    At the market I asked “Do you know
    if this turkey is non-GMO?”
    The butcher replied
    “Nothing’s been modified!
    I asked him myself, he said no!”

  5. Jean McEwen says:

    My bladder’s about to explode,
    But I can’t seem to find a commode!
    I’m afraid I can’t wait!
    ….Oops – well – now it’s too late….
    (Already, my pee pee has flowed.)

  6. Jean McEwen says:

    At fish markets, often, imposters
    Can be found; they are really just mobsters,
    Pretending to bid
    On the tuna and squid–
    When they’re just there to pilfer the lobsters.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    “That’s a great deal on eBay”, I mused.
    “Thirty toilet rolls – can’t be refused!”
    But today, what I got ….
    Well, I’d failed to spot
    The description “Condition is: USED.”

  8. Tony Holmes says:

    The luxuriant Mrs Bulstrode
    Stipulated her garden be mowed
    Every week, “Without fail!”
    So her resident male,
    “Don’t get lost as his seed’s being sowed.”

  9. Michael P Moulton says:

    Trump, in rebellion mode
    Made sure that the seeds had been sewed
    To stoke up the fire
    Of those who admire,
    The lies that he’s shamelessly crowed.

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    Mrs Bulstrode, luxuriant, decreed,
    Lest her lover, while sowing his seed,
    Should get lost, in love mode,
    In the jungle Bulstrode,
    That her garden be transformed to brede.

    Van Gogh had his sunflowers. I …

  11. Sharon Neeman says:

    I need food! How to get to the market?
    By car? I’ll have no place to park it.
    By bus? I’m too lazy —
    Me? Bike?? Are you crazy???
    I guess I’ll stay hungry… oh, fark it.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Advice: Don’t go to the supermarket when you’re hungry !

    I went shopping today on a spree!
    For breakfast, I only had tea!
    I was starving; (went wild),
    Like an uncontrolled child.
    I’m the proud owner now of aisle three.

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    Ancient Roman, Commodious Crêpe,
    Earned his salis by making things drape.
    Togas, worn á la mode,
    Made his fortune, and showed
    That the Rom’s weren’t all pillage and rape.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    Mrs Bulstrode, luxuriant, decreed,
    Lest her lover, while sowing his seed,
    Should get lost, in love mode,
    In the jungle Bulstrode,
    That her gard’ be made over to brede.

    A refinement.

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    My goat sure knows how to kick ass.
    Who cares if he ain’t got no class?
    My lawn’s always mowed.
    It will never erode.
    Billy’s stoned, and just loves all that grass.

  16. I feel like I’m gonna explode.
    I ate too much pie à la mode
    and I ate seven wraps.
    Quick, get me a map.
    Which way to the nearest commode?

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    There was something about him that glowed.
    He was horny, and, boy! how it showed.
    I said, “This can wait
    I’m not feelin’ that great
    And tonight, I’m just not in that mode”.

  18. Tony Holmes says:

    Back again to the jungle Bulstrode:
    Seems worst fears are now fact, as forebode.
    In the lush undergrowth,
    Tam, a Scot from Arbroath,
    Was last seen when in cunniling’ mode.

  19. Tony Holmes says:

    Tardy Constable Pettigrew strode,
    Lest his lateness again incommode.
    Just the thought, that his feet,
    Could be pounding the beat
    Was enough to make P pigeon-toed.

  20. There once was a R. Giuliani
    whose mind (like these rhymes) was real gone-y
    and like a landscape, got mowed
    down by COVID and stowed
    while the deadpool cries out, “It is on-y!”

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
    Has moved on since the days when he glowed.
    Older, wiser, less tense,
    He’s revealed his good sense
    By inventing ‘The Pleasure Commode’,

    Which, in principle, functions like this:
    “It massages while you take your piss.
    Using ‘Area’ codes,
    Engage various modes,
    From, ‘That’s Better!’ to, ‘Absolute Bliss!’”

  22. Tony Holmes says:

    And now it’s a twofer.

    Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
    Has moved on since the days when he glowed.
    Older, wiser, less tense,
    He’s revealed his good sense
    By inventing ‘The Pleasure Commode’

    Which, in principle, functions like this:
    “It massages while you take your piss.
    Using ‘Area’ codes,
    Engage various modes,
    From, ‘That’s Better!’ to, ‘Absolute Bliss!’”

    Market research suggests record sales
    Among elderly ladies and males.
    Samples sent out for trial
    Have proved quick to beguile.
    Anecdotal endorsement prevails.

  23. Doug Harris says:

    With fashion-sense I’ve been bestowed,
    (A picture should shortly upload).
    My barber’s main style
    Is ‘farm rank & file’
    He says it’s all quite à-la-mowed!

  24. Tony Holmes says:

    As the nail on my pinkie ingrowed,
    I endured it in agony mode.
    It’s my own silly fault
    Since I made an assault
    On Miss Verity’s chastity node.

  25. Tony Holmes says:

    As the nail on my pinkie ingrowed,
    I endured it in agony mode.
    It’s my own silly fault
    Since I made an assault
    On Miss Verity’s chastity code.

    For the purists. Node was pushing it a bit.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the market, you always have fear.
    Cuz each time that you go, it is clear
    That you’ll groan and you’ll grunt
    Cuz the person in front
    Of you shops for food once ev’ry year.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’re so honored that Granny bestowed
    Us a beautiful antique commode.
    And with it a note
    Granny cautiously wrote:
    “Flush Flush Flush, then get rid of your load”.

  28. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    While in training for his new abode,
    Newest Dog Elect “Major” just showed,
    He will raise his right paw
    When folks lay down the law
    That the Rose Garden’s not his commode.

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    Mad – please delete the above pair of limericks! I had a “senior moment, and forgot that I hadn’t yet rhymed line 2!!!

    ****
    From Mad
    I know the feeling. :) Done.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the stock market, brokers sure care
    That investors will get their fair share.
    When they see a decline,
    It’s a very bad sign.
    So they summon a bull and a bear.

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    “Forgive me if I incommode
    You”, the Devil announced. “Legal code
    In my contract with you
    Means the debt is now due,
    And I’m here to collect what I’m owed.”

    “Ya mean that you’ve come for my soul?
    Go ahead, I got damage-control!”
    Said Trump with a grin
    As the Devil reached in –
    And found only a huge empty hole.

  32. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I was clearing Gran’s attic a bit,
    When upon a quaint item I hit.
    In an ornate commode
    An old toilet was stowed —
    The trademark read, “Crapper.” No sh**!

  33. cphenly says:

    From a bet, Little Sally was owed
    A dessert–“Something special!,” she crowed.
    So he filled up a glass
    With a bunch of cut grass
    And he served up some pie á la mowed.

  34. Tim James says:

    My dad had a very large load
    Of bad jokes, which he loved (and it showed).
    “How’d that brave frontier guy,
    Davy Crockett, like pie?”
    The right answer, of course: “Alamo’d.”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    You go into Costco and then
    You ask for a nice Cornish hen.
    You like them a lot.
    And now you have got
    Enough for a fam’ly of ten.

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    As a poet, I fear I’ve plateaued.
    All I’m good for, these days, is epode.
    Yea, this bard with one string
    Is a piteous thing
    Since epode is no longer la mode.

  37. Mike says:

    So the Don’s in ex-president mode
    Will he sit once again on commode?
    He just needs to know
    That the wheels let him go
    To a place where his hair can be mowed!

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    Like a prisoner led to the dock,
    Tom prepared for the snip, still a cock.
    When the barber had mowed
    Where the asset was stowed,
    He resembled a capon in shock.

  39. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Since I grocery shop like a trooper,
    Rolling up and down aisles in a stupor,
    In my three-layered mask,
    I guess that’s why I ask,
    How come markets are said to be “super”?

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    Assessing his future abode,
    All through Mar-a-Lago he strode.
    “We’ll be here indeed,
    So that means we will need
    To fill the gold-plated commode.”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    No more do I go to the “deli”.
    The food there is salty and smelly.
    Now I am smart.
    I shop at “Health Mart”
    I love natural food stuffed with jelly.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s official! My manhood’s plateaued.
    Unresponsive, no matter the goad.
    Not for Miss M Munroe
    Could I put on a show.
    I’m in thrall to my ruddy commode.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, would you change the ‘up’ to ‘on’ in line 4 of the limerick above, and then, replace ‘enslaved’ to ‘in thrall’ in line 5. Thank you.

    ******
    Done.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Vim and vigour, in youth, overflowed.
    Worked and played hard without overload.
    Then one day, something snapped:
    I was rudely ‘unchapped’,
    And since then, lived in chastity mode.

    This isn’t a confession, so don’t go getting ideas. I’m all man – well, most of me is.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    better

    No more do I go to the “deli”
    The food there is salty and smelly.
    I’ve become very smart.
    I now shop at “Health Mart”
    I love natural food with my jelly.

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    Maiden aunts who largesse have bestowed
    Throughout life, and are therefore much owed,
    Will, when no longer prime –
    Yes, there will come a time –
    Be most grateful you thought, “Ah! Commode.”

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Market

    Her trip to “The Mart” was postponed.
    She sighed and she whimpered and groaned.
    She needed to buy
    Her weekly supply.
    Couldn’t go; little piggy was stoned.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: at 1:58 today, I wrote a second version of my “Health Mart” limerick.
    L5 says: I love natural food stuffed with jelly.
    Could you please change that to…..I love natural food with my jelly.

    Thank you, Lisi

    *****
    Done.

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m a man among men!” he now crowed –
    Well, more croaked, he was still partly toad.
    He’s revised that view since
    He was kissed by the prince,
    Who was dragged up as ‘ess, a la mode.

  50. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m a man among men!” he now crowed.
    Well, more croaked, he was still partly toad.
    But then to his surprise,
    He was forced to revise
    As the prince was in drag, a la mode.

    Another Van Gogh moment.

  51. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve adapted my humble abode
    By installing a handy commode
    In each room and the loo –
    Just in case I need two,
    Or my guestlist has just overflowed.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    To the “Really Cheap Market” we went.
    Cuz most of our money’s been spent.
    The sign at the door
    Read “Come Into Our Store!
    The bread and rolls taste like cement”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    version two

    To the “Really Cheap Market” we went.
    Cuz most of our money’s been spent.
    The sign at the door
    Read, “Come Into Our Store”
    Those maggots we just can’t prevent”

  54. Brian Allgar says:

    Though Capone had a splendid abode,
    He neglected the garden – it showed!
    It was rough and unshorn,
    For it wasn’t the lawn,
    But his bootlegging rivals he mowed.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our regular check-out girl, Mary
    Is sweet, but a little bit scary.
    She wears a hair net
    To be real clean, and yet,
    Her arms, like an ape, are real hairy.

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the tourist guide, “Here’s the commode,
    The bequest Donald Trump has bestowed.
    It’s full of fake voters,
    The kind known as ‘floaters’,
    Which, as you can see, overflowed.”

  57. Dave Johnson says:

    To Costco my wife had sent me;
    For mouthwash and boxes of tea.
    Though I was enthused,
    She wasn’t amused
    When I brought home that big-ass TV.

  58. Tim Gray says:

    The beginnings for Josiah Spode
    Were clay pipes and the commode,
    Then he found his niche
    And became very rich
    Making fine china c’est à la mode.

  59. Sharon Neeman says:

    Since I learned my cat knows the word “vet,”
    I say “market” to baffle the pet —
    But this morning, I erred
    And employed the right word,
    And we’re both now extremely upset:

    Kitty leaped into daredevil mode!
    All the way down the counter she strode,
    Then flew up to the freezer!
    She’s STILL there. Can’t seize her.
    I mustn’t forget to use code…

  60. Sharon Neeman says:

    Damn. 7:40 am in Israel, typing before coffee…

    Mad, the verb in line 8 should be “flew,” as in “Then flew up to the freezer!” Sorry. Fixed it on Facebook. Will you please fix it here?

    *********

    Done.

  61. Tony Holmes says:

    Tom had taken a fancy. It showed,
    And Felicity showed that she knowed.
    Love now bloomed, late in life,
    Tom had found him a wife,
    And all thanks to the tandem commode.

  62. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, just noticed that I missed the capital ‘F’ for Felicity in line 2 of the above – bleary eyes. Would you correct, please. Thank you.

    ******

    Done.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When pacing around my abode,
    And into some room I have strode,
    But in the next minute
    Can’t think why I’m in it,
    I’m likely in limerick mode.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a nuisance that’s quite a disgrace:
    (This nitwit you’d sure love to chase!)
    Cuz he’s left his damn cart
    At the “Food Super Mart”
    In the “only one left” parking space.

  65. Dave Johnson says:

    (The TP shortage last Spring):

    The shelves are all empty again!
    I asked the store manager when
    They’ll get re-supply.
    He said “End of July;
    You’ll just have to hold it ’till then”.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We are all just aghast!!!”

    I’m launching a major attack,
    Concerning a real juicy snack.
    I’m going to “Health Mart”
    While eating a Pop Tart
    Then wolfing down one large “Big Mac”

  67. Craig says:


    On the beach, in her thong, she bestowed⁣
    Treats to onlookers – everything showed!⁣
    But now back home in Philly⁣
    Her short skirts are quite chilly –⁣
    She’s regretting her “Pie à la Mowed”

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    Mister Keats wrote an ode to an urn
    Which is why I will try, in my turn,
    To compose you an ode
    To my treasured commode.
    I dare say I’m no Keats, you’ll discern.

  69. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Four piggies to market were taken
    (the fifth was too smart to awaken).
    One went all to pieces
    And faked enuresis.
    The rest had to bring home the bacon.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was driving along on the road
    When my car stopped and had to be towed.
    I frowned and complained.
    Till the “tow guy” explained:
    “It was in its run-out-of-gas mode”.

  71. Kirk Miller says:

    The statistics professor once showed
    Cooking talent when in his abode.
    With math prof, he wrote
    A cookbook of note,
    And the title is Pi A La Mode.

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    The customer lines at the store
    Are distanced at six feet of floor.
    We must wear a mask
    And are given the task;
    They’re bagging our stuff nevermore.

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad- in my posting above, could you please change line 2’s last words to read: “of floor”.

    (we don’t need any more more)

    Thanks, Dave

    ********

    Done.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    another Costco limerick !

    To go into Costco’s real nifty.
    You shop there to be very thrifty.
    Whatever you get
    You can certainly bet
    It’s enough for a fam’ly of fifty.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    A wrecking ball known as The Donald
    Demolished the party of Ronald.
    Their ethics were mowed
    With one favor bestowed:
    He had his impeachment McConnelled.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love to watch all of the bees
    Collecting the sap from the trees.
    (‘Wanna be a “bug pro”)
    Tomorrow, I’ll go
    To the Market to buy some nice fleas.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better wording than the one from December 10th. at 2:01 PM

    Here’s a nuisance that’s quite a disgrace.
    (This nitwit, I’d sure love to chase).
    At the “Food Super Mart”
    He’s left his damn cart
    In the “only one left” parking space.

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    Messers Tryagain, Crapper and Spode
    Looked, chagrined, on the shattered commode.
    “Note to marketing: ‘No
    Farts or flame in our po
    As, combined, they are apt to explode.’”

    Does US English know the word ‘Po’ for chamber pot, or is it just a UK term?

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Right into the bedroom she strode.
    And then she began to explode.
    She yelled, “You forgot
    To play fetch with Spot!”
    (She has switched to her “monthly bitch” mode).

  80. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Those in line surreptitiously groan,
    “He’s been in there all day with his phone.”
    But they’d rather implode
    Than the King discommode,
    So they won’t push him off of the throne.

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    Messers Tryagain, Crapper and Spode
    Looked, chagrined, on the shattered commode.
    “Well at least we now know
    Naked flame, farts and po,
    If combined when we go, will explode.”

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our new mower with motor sure mowed.
    And pop had such fun, that he glowed.
    He did not read the guide.
    Yet he still loves that ride.
    And now he’s called “Poppy Three-Toed”.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: At 3:07 today, line 5 of above limerick reads:
    And now he’s called “Poppy Three-Toed”
    Could you please change that to….And now he’s called “Poppy Two-Toed”
    I’m attempting for a little more alliteration, as I did in line 1.

    Thank You
    Lisi

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    It was titled, ‘The Sting Episode’,
    And it flushed out our saboteur toad.
    He was caught, drill in hand,
    Which was not what he’d planned
    When he snuck down to sink the commode.

  85. Tony Holmes says:

    Christmas tensions been causing a rift?
    Try our number one bestselling gift!
    ‘The Exploding Commode’:
    (Sparking plug electrode.)
    Never fails – guaranteed! Get the drift?

  86. Tony Holmes says:

    Pleasure Commode: The Quick Start User Manual

    Thanks for choosing the ‘Pleasure Commode’.
    Be aware that it groans under load.
    Best results are achieved,
    And your tensions relieved,
    When it’s running in, ‘Ecstasy!’ code.

  87. Tony Holmes says:

    Pleasure Commode: The Quick Start User Manual

    Thanks for choosing the ‘Pleasure Commode’.
    Be aware that it groans under load.
    Best results are achieved,
    And your tensions relieved,
    When it’s running in, ‘Ecstasy!’ code.

    Things you can and can’t do with our ‘Po’,
    Chief of which, ‘Do Not Smoke!’ when you go.
    Don’t ignore! Our commode
    Has been known to explode
    When a fart and a flame – well, you know!

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    Every flea mart of old London town
    Has a pub close at hand where you’ll drown
    All your sorrows and find
    Other souls of like mind,
    Amongst whom there is always a clown.

    There’s only so much you can do with a commode.

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    At the market for farmers this week,
    I was offered a strangely shaped leek.
    Reminiscent of ‘Rex’ –
    (Oedipal, so think, ‘Sex’) –
    Which I thought was a bit of a cheek.

    This is inspired by a quote attributed to Dorothy Parker who, when she was shown the set for ‘Oedipus Rex’ – a giant phallus – quipped, “Well, it’s nobody I know.” What a gal!

  90. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Many gifts by my dog are bestowed,
    Those he chose, I suppose, to unload.
    I just wish he’d get wise,
    And not leave a surprise
    In the grass until AFTER it’s mowed.

  91. Sharon Neeman says:

    We’ve developed a Mom COVID Code!
    When in Zoom her sad visage she showed,
    “Wow! Your hair!” we would say
    With a smile (meaning “Gray,
    And resembling a lawn left unmowed.”)

    “Look! No wrinkles!” we’d beam (but we’d mean,
    “Have you put on a pound or sixteen?”)
    And we’ve recently tried
    To self-publish our guide —
    We could sell it, we thought — but, vaccine.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Whole Foods Market Experience

    I know that this sounds quite absurd:
    At Whole Foods, I met this sales nerd.
    He said, “Have some Pie.
    It’s vegan. Just try.”
    I gagged. Ran right out. Ate a bird.

  93. Tim James says:

    At the market — it’s more like a zoo —
    There are crowds, but the face masks are few.
    So much saleable stuff!
    But it isn’t enough
    ‘Cause these people still can’t buy a clue.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    The new Farmer’s Market is tops.
    It was one of our pre-arranged stops.
    We made a great choice.
    And sure did rejoice.
    When we bought one who knew about crops.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    At the market for farmers today
    Were some very lewd shapes on display.
    Veg’ should not be so rude –
    Some were really quite crude –
    And the vendor had too much to say.

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    At the market for farmers today
    I found all sorts of shapes on display.
    Take the tom’ with two cheeks,
    Between phallus shaped leeks,
    And two melons – a shameless array.

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    At the market for farmers, I see
    Funny faces. Some register glee,
    While the turnips, most stern,
    Rutabagas that gurn,
    Are a constant reminder of me.

  98. Tony Holmes says:

    At the market for farmers today
    Were some very lewd shapes on display.
    Veg’ should not be so rude –
    Some were really quite crude –
    And the vendor! He would have his say.

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    Gladys fancied a farmer she’d met
    At the market. Her only regret
    Was that much of his food
    Was, in shape, very rude,
    And she’d blush like a seasoned coquette.

  100. Tony Holmes says:

    In the markets financial, the ‘Bears’
    Are investors most cautious with shares,
    Whereas, ‘Bulls’ will back chance
    In the hope they’ll enhance
    What will, sooner or later, be theIRS.

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    At the farmers’, on Saturday last,
    I discovered a pumpkin so vast
    That the Dwarves and Snow White
    Could move in and invite
    Sleeping Beauty – and all of her cast.

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    Gladys fancied a farmer she’d met
    At the market. Her only regret
    Was that most of his wares
    Were erotic, and stares
    Made her blush like a seasoned coquette.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Disgraceful Transplant Guy

    The “Black Market Guy” was so vain.
    But not anymore; I’ll explain:
    He sells kidneys and hearts,
    Mostly all human parts.
    Yet there’s still no demand for Trump’s brain.

  104. Kirk Miller says:

    Over bra-less young gals men do lust.
    Sales of bras are way down, so store must
    See the market’s shifting.
    Though bras are uplifting,
    Store will close ’cause their sales have gone bust.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Black Market Guy 1:57 today….better

    The “Black Market Guy” was real vain.
    Now a problem has caused him much pain.
    He sells kidneys and hearts,
    Mostly all body parts.
    Yet there’s still no demand for Trump’s brain.

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    In the fleshpots of old Marrakesh
    One can buy naughty undies in mesh.
    There are hookahs galore –
    Yes, that’s ‘Hookah’ not whore –
    And the fruits and the veg’ are all fresh.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    As a Trekkie from way back, I know
    There are times when I must boldly go,
    And to know my commode
    Is at hand is a load
    Off my mind, and a blessing bestowed.

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    It is wise when in full-frontal mode
    To avoid those who mock and erode
    Your belief and your pride
    In your manhood. Decried,
    It make fail when it ought to explode.

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Mad. Would you change ‘make’ to ‘may’ in line five above, please. Thank you.

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    Not to worry. I’ve rewritten it. Thanks anyway.

    It is wise when in full-frontal mode
    To avoid those who mock and erode
    Your belief and your pride
    In your manhood. Decried,
    It may fail to respond and explode.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    Through the crowds on the beaches he strode,
    A colossus in full-frontal mode.
    Every man looked aghast –
    His appendage was vast –
    And the girls either swooned or they glowed.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry!

    Through the crowds on the beaches he strode,
    A colossus in full-frontal mode.
    Every man looked aghast –
    His appendage was vast –
    And the girls either swooned or “Helloed!”

  113. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Mad– I sent the same limerick twice on 12-12
    at 9:16 and 9:25. Would you delete one of them for me, please? (What? No, just one). Thanks. Though I say “I,” I’m pretty sure the dog did it.

    “On this new talking picture machine,”
    said the Luddite, “I’m not really keen.
    When I try to unload
    My mistakes in this mode,
    My eraser leaves marks on the screen.”

    **************

    Done. :)

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Black Market Guy: Improved (L2)
    I wrote this one yesterday, but I can’t find it, so I will re-write it

    The “Black Market Guy” was so vain,
    But a problem has caused him much pain.
    He sells kidneys and hearts,
    Mostly all human parts.
    Yet there’s still no demand for Trump’s brain.

  115. John Shardlow says:

    A Turk by the name of Farouk
    Bought a snake that he charmed in the souk
    Poor skill as a piper
    No control of his viper
    The bite on his ass, a rebuke

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    another look at the new mower, now with Tommy driving it

    Our new mower with motor sure mowed.
    And Tom had such fun that he glowed.
    He did not read the guide,
    Yet he still loves to ride.
    His new name is “Tommy-Two-Toed”.

  117. Sharon Neeman says:

    The Electoral College has cast
    All its votes. Now it’s over at last.
    Trump’s been threshed, plowed and mowed —
    Lost his game — shot his load —
    And with Biden we now should stand fast.

  118. Tony Holmes says:

    Through the crowds on the beaches he strode,
    An Apollo in Full-Monty mode.
    Every man looked aghast –
    His appendage was vast –
    And the girls either swooned or “Helloed!”

  119. Tim James says:

    She’s in furious spring-cleaning mode;
    Her superfluous stuff she’ll unload.
    Ancient clothing, CDs,
    Old computers, TVs,
    And her boyfriend sit out by the road.

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    Every inmate of Casa Bulstrode
    Took up shares in the household commode.
    Some took two, many three,
    Leaving one for poor me,
    Which is why I can’t pee if it’s snowed.

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    Cried the poet, “Please! Grant me an ode!”
    And his muse must have heard and bestowed.
    For the very next day
    Came a sparky, named Fay,
    Who installed the requested anode.

  122. Tony Holmes says:

    Many men, when in passionate mode,
    Don’t pay court; they’re too keen to get blowed.
    They get straight to the point,
    Which is why girls anoint,
    And the washouts go home overflowed.

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    Denzel whistled an’ grinned as ‘e mowed,
    An’ the cause was no secret. ‘E knowed
    That when mowin’ were done
    ‘E could ‘ave ‘im some fun –
    An’ a great deal of seed would be sowed.

  124. Tony Holmes says:

    Avaricious Cornelius Spode
    Leant some money which, once it was owed,
    Turned a hard heart to stone,
    So, he cancelled the loan,
    And went into recovery mode.

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    Silly Moi!!

    Avaricious Cornelius Spode
    Lent some money which, once it was owed,
    Turned a hard heart to stone,
    So, he cancelled the loan,
    And went into recovery mode.

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    Denzel whistled an’ grinned as ‘e mowed,
    An’ the cause was no secret. ‘E knowed
    That when mowin’ were done
    ‘E could go ‘ave some fun –
    An’ a great deal of seed would be sowed.

    But when Denzel ‘ad finished the field
    All ‘is ‘opes of some fun was repealed.
    Seems, accordin’ to code,
    That a farmhand who’s mowed
    Ain’t allowed a seed-spreader to wield.

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    Whereupon sat upon his commode.
    Thereupon he composed him an ode.
    As an ode it was crap,
    And he knew it, poor chap,
    But it helped when discharging his load.

  128. Tony Holmes says:

    For the dippers, the markets are prime,
    And the weekends their favourite for crime.
    They can move through the press
    And their gentle caress
    Goes unnoticed – well, most of the time.

  129. Tony Holmes says:

    This is an, ‘Only Fools and Horses’ market limerick.

    Messers Hurly and Burly declaimed,
    Using language both strangled and maimed.
    All their gear had dropped off
    Of a lorry, so Toff
    Kept a shufti in case they was framed.

  130. Tim James says:

    For Adam Smith

    An Invisible Hand’s said to be
    Guiding markets, as long as they’re free.
    Well, I’ve seen it. It mocks
    Ev’ry one of my stocks.
    Guess which finger it’s raising at me.

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Express Lane: 8 Items Or Less”

    “You’ve 9 items; this lane’s for 8”
    “I’m sorry; I just couldn’t wait.
    It’s a tiny mistake
    Hey! give me a break”
    “Okay, but tonight don’t be late”

  132. Sharon Neeman says:

    “You’re telling me WHAT? That it SNOWED?”
    “Not just that — there’s black ice on the road,
    The toilets are frozen,
    And… dear, I’m supposin’
    We’ll all have to use this commode.”

  133. Daisy Ward says:

    His phone was set on silent mode
    When he tried to quickly up-load
    There was no response
    So, he grabs a croissant
    Then fixed it by changing the code

  134. Tim Gray says:

    A popular share punters tool
    Is the theory of the bigger fool.
    If you can offload your junk
    Before the market goes clunk
    You can make a killing in the shark pool.

  135. Tim Gray says:

    Some markets respond to a need
    Others are driven by greed.
    An index spread
    Can’t be put on your bread
    And will no hungry mouth feed.

  136. Mike says:

    Our market is known as Wild Oats
    Just come with a wad of bank notes.
    Two hundred Rand
    You won’t keep in your hand.
    It’s paid to fill all your group’s throats.

  137. Caram Beri says:

    The loser he glowered and glowed
    “I WON’T go – I’ll HAVE to be towed
    I don’t care from where
    My bed or my chair
    Or even my mucky old commode.”

    I think I’m about to implode
    I know that I won, I have always so knowed.
    In this Office I’ll sit
    I will not budge a bit
    I’ll cling to my throne until towed.

  138. Tony Holmes says:

    Tony rushed to his keyboard, then slowed,
    Locked in full ‘auto-limerick’ mode.
    For the urge to create,
    To be Mad’s laureate,
    Must, for safety, abate. ‘OVERLOAD’.

  139. Tony Holmes says:

    Tony rushed to his keyboard, then slowed,
    Knowing full well that limerick mode
    Was defunct. He was spent,
    But he wouldn’t relent,
    So, his muse, now on strike, overrode.

  140. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  141. Dave Johnson says:

    With Trump in his whiny-tot mode,
    “They stole my election!” he crowed.
    The outcome was set
    When electors said “Get
    Your lame-duckling show on the road.”

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    The first thing I get is a cart.
    But it wasn’t the same at “The Mart”
    It’s always a “zoo”.
    But no more, must be due
    To the rule about six feet apart

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trump Goes Shopping

    Mr. Trump brought his solid gold cart.
    But it wasn’t the same at “The Mart”
    It’s always a “zoo”
    But no more, must be due
    To that gibb’rish ’bout six feet apart.

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: one limerick above, line 5 1:58 PM today
    Could you please change, “To that edict
    ’bout six feet apart” to …….To the rule about six feet apart

    Thank You. Lisi

    *******
    Done.

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    another way of putting it :Trump goes shopping

    Mr. Trump brought his solid gold cart.
    To go shopping at “Washington Mart”
    There was quite a dispute
    When they gave him the boot.
    Cause he wouldn’t stay six feet apart.

  146. Tim Gray says:

    What is Trump’s secret thrall
    When he works for himself not us all?
    His regular mode
    Is of obnoxious toad,
    But you have to say he’s got gall.

  147. Tim Gray says:

    Donald Trump, friend of Norman Vincent Peale

    Oh no, now I’m really sunk.
    I bought some bonds that are junk.
    It’s ok, I won’t be sinking
    With my power of positive thinking
    I’ll survive while others go clunk.

  148. Tim Gray says:

    How many crashes have there been?
    Count them, you’ll find it’s umpteen,
    Then once it’s failed
    The market is bailed…
    The public is milked by the cream.

  149. Tim Gray says:

    Economists are rather trite
    Claiming “The Market” is always right.
    They forget the Dutch flowers
    And the Junk Bonds of ours
    And their Wall Street Crash oversight.

  150. Caram Beri says:

    I think I’m about to implode
    The voting? I KNOW it was throwed
    In this Office I’ll sit
    I will NOT budge a bit
    I’ll cling to my throne until towed.

    (modified version)

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was fat, and, oh boy! how it showed!
    To be honest, I thought I’d explode!
    Told the waiter, “no pie!
    Or ice cream but I
    Would like a small taste of that mode”.

  152. Tony Holmes says:

    To the door of my humble abode
    In my, “Most incommodious!” mode,
    I advanced, flung it wide,
    To see who had defied …
    “What the f*%$ do you want?” I bellowed.

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    To the door of my humble abode
    In my, “Most incommodious!” mode,
    I advanced, flung it wide,
    To see who had defied …
    “What the f*%$ do you want?” I bellowed.

    In response to this greeting, a crone
    Said, “I do beg your pardon and own
    That I’m pressed. Your commode …
    If I might? You’d be owed …”
    “I’ll conduct you, myself. Please – enthrone!”

    “Oh, that’s better!” said much relieved crone.
    “Any chance of a cuppa?” I groan.
    Kettle on, warming pot,
    “Would you care for a spot
    Of pork pie with your tea?” I intone.

    Well, I’m not such a bad sort, at heart –
    And I quickly catch up, once I start.
    We got chatting and soon
    It was late afternoon
    And I asked, “Must you really depart?”

    My old crone, it transpired, was a witch
    With a strong sense of honour. Her pitch?
    “I could change, if you wish,
    To a tastier dish?”
    Which she did. Made one helluva switch!

    That was many years past. Yes, she stayed.
    My reward? Every day I get laid.
    I’m less grumpy these days,
    Thanks to her winning ways –
    And so lucky she came to my aid.

  154. Sharon Neeman says:

    Once we lived by a more squeamish code:
    No one wanted vaccines where it showed.
    Sleeves and biefs are now scanty,
    And even old Auntie
    Thinks showing ALL scars is the mode.

  155. Sharon Neeman says:

    Ooops, that’s “briefs” in the third line:

    Once we lived by a more squeamish code:
    No one wanted vaccines where it showed.
    Sleeves and briefs are now scanty,
    And even old Auntie
    Thinks showing ALL scars is the mode.

  156. Lisi Nortman says:

    another look at the dieter: minor change in L4

    I was fat, and oh boy! how it showed.
    To be honest, I thought I’d explode.
    Told the waiter, “no pie
    Or a la, but I
    Would love a small taste of that mode”.

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just wrote a modified limerick about “the dieter” and now it’s gone!
    L4 changed)

    I was fat, and oh boy! how it showed.
    To be honest, I thought I’d explode.
    Told the waiter, “no pie
    Or a la, but I
    Would like a small taste of the mode”.

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    To her interview, Marilyn strode.
    At the “Health Center” right down the road.
    “Your experience, Dear?
    You must make it real clear”
    “Well, I’ve emptied ‘a many commode”

  159. Fred Bortz says:

    Marie Antoinette wrote an ode
    To the people on whose backs she rode.
    She sure made a mistake
    Saying, “Let them eat cake!”
    When it should have been pie a la mode.

  160. Fred Bortz says:

    The newlywed virgin just glowed
    At her husband’s delight when she showed
    All her feminine beauty
    And reported for duty
    With her smooth furry patch freshly mowed.

  161. Fred Bortz says:

    Slight edit:

    The newlywed virgin just glowed
    At her husband’s delight when she showed
    All her feminine beauty
    And reported for duty,
    Her smooth furry patch freshly mowed.

  162. Fred Bortz says:

    The cryptologist’s yard had been mowed
    In a pattern that carried a code.
    On his tree, eucalyptus,
    A sign said, “Decrypt this
    To enter my humble abode.”

  163. Fred Bortz says:

    The Medal of Freedom bestowed
    On that loudmouth Rush Limbaugh just showed
    How low we descended.
    Had we really intended
    To flush our pride down the commode?

  164. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 459. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Mousse.