Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SECURITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SECURITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 17, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NOSE or KNOWS or NOES-rhyme limerick:

A fellow named Joe often goes
To ENT docs — nasal pros.
Those rhinologists charge
Pricey fees; bills so large
That poor Joe’s forced to pay through the nose.

And here’s my SECURITY-themed limerick:

Though the homebuilder does know the score,
His computer security’s poor.
So to no one’s surprise,
He’s been hacked. You’ll surmise:
Someone readily found the back door.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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171 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mommy’s not very skilled when she sews.
    She always makes imperfect clothes.
    My pants have one leg.
    She patched up my doll Peg.
    Who’s now missing one hole in her nose.

  2. Tony Holmes says:

    Rhinoplasty, as everyone knows,
    Involves tweaking the schnozz so it blows
    Without honking or braying –
    You know what I’m saying –
    And will look Romanesque in repose.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My name’s Donald, and I must disclose
    The secret about me and Rose.
    We had an affair,
    Till I was aware
    That Rosie possessed a fake nose.”

  4. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    The body – a palace of woes.
    Some think that the pit of the toes
    Is the messiest spot
    But I think it’s snot
    And must, in all truth, pick the nose.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    We seniors are proud of maturity.
    And never slide into obscurity.
    We buy lots of Depends.
    It just never ends.
    And there goes our Social Security.

  6. Terry Marter says:

    The Pelican’s a cut above those
    Other birds that just fly, perch and doze.
    This bird, (so I’ve read),
    Often stands on its head
    In the water, and looks down its nose.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    I came home and I suddenly froze.
    On the lawn, in the front, were my clothes.
    And sly like a fox,
    She changed all the locks.
    I have a slight inkling she knows.

  8. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Sniffing out a limerick (it’s still early on)

    As for “futures” — their highs and their lows —
    Charlie Swab is the place where one goes.
    For much bigger dramas,
    I read Nostrildamus;
    His predictions are right on the nose.

  9. Fred Bortz says:

    DeBergerac tried to propose
    To the lovely Roxane, though he chose
    To sign Christian’s name.
    Yet he won just the same,
    ‘Cause his letters were right on the nose.

  10. Fred Bortz says:

    The virgin protected her purity
    By a garment that offered her surety.
    When a cad groped he felt
    An iron chastity belt
    That offered her homeland security.

  11. Haven’t participated in far too long. Thanks for the prompt!

    My limerick appears here (at Nickers and Ink Poetry and Humor):

    Steamed or Redeemed – A Boiling Roil on Daily Toil

  12. Fred Bortz says:

    Revision to eliminate duplicate word

    The virgin protected her purity
    By a garment that offered her surety.
    When a cad groped he felt
    An iron chastity belt
    Protecting her homeland security.

  13. Fred Bortz says:

    Second revision, since I really want to eliminate duplication

    The virgin protected her purity
    By a garment that offered her surety.
    When a cad groped he felt
    An iron chastity belt
    That guarded her homeland security.

  14. Rudy Landesman says:

    So tell me, why cut off your nose?
    To spite your own face, I suppose?
    She replied: “Au contraire.
    That’s my private affair.
    It would never stop smelling a rose.”

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    Jimmy D gave a name to his nose.
    “It comes with me wherever I goes.
    An’ my girl – name’s Viola,
    She loves the Schnozzola,
    Except when it’s ailing and flows.”

  16. Tony Holmes says:

    “Rhinoplasty is tweaking the nose
    So it won’t dominate when you pose
    For publicity shots.
    We’ll put cream on those spots,
    And we’ll have to make do without clothes.”

  17. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have reinforced doors in the walls,
    And steel shutters on windows. The halls
    Have been mined, just in case
    So I’m safe in my space,
    But, I’m stymied if anyone calls.”

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    They’ve counted the yeas and the noes,
    Yet Republicans still will cause woes.
    They’re in opposition
    To every position.
    For reasons their God only knows.

  19. Doug Harris says:

    Pinocchio’s (honestly) grows
    And Rudolph’s consistently glows.
    While Jimmy Durante
    In width upped the ante.
    Cyrano de Bergerac knows.

  20. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An elephant’s trunk, I suppose,
    May be viewed as a straw or a hose;
    Seen as snorkel or spout,
    Or an arm reaching out;
    And when bent out of shape, as a nose.

  21. Jean McEwen says:

    When Duane gets a bad runny nose
    Blobs of snot tend to drop to his toes.
    But there’s no need to mock
    Him nor even to gawk.
    Make no comment; just lend him a hose.

  22. Jean McEwen says:

    Warden Ward, in a quest to secure
    His own safety, at times, will procure
    A few pros for the cons
    (He’ll include a few blondes.)
    He’s rewarded with calm for this lure.

  23. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    Don’t you know all our flaws and impurities
    Are powerless toys and obscurities?
    So let’s find the humor
    (fact, fiction, or rumor)
    In your treasure trove of insecurities!

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not one of us liked Auntie Rose.
    We took pictures, but Rose wouldn’t pose.
    One day I said, “SMILE!”
    She was stumped for a while,
    Till she found it right under her nose.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    It grows, then even’tuly goes.
    With some couples, it comes to a close.
    Joe still wondered why
    It took Auntie Vi
    Over ten years to powder her nose.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    (knows and security) “No Nonsense Mad”

    Mad Kane is the word-smith who knows
    That lim’riks are hard to compose.
    For instance, “security”
    Has a shade of obscurity.
    Her M.O. keeps us up on our toes.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Security measures for seniors

    Senior Hill has some great new additions:
    Sneaky cam’ras in lots of positions.
    The doorway is wide
    Enough to provide
    Wheelchairs and men with munitions.

  28. Terry Marter says:

    In Joe’s Garden.(2 verses)

    Joe’s new planting, was hard to explain 
    As his Alzheimer’s dug in again:
    “What’s prickly …. sweet ‘nose’….”
    Neighbour Phil: “You mean Rose?”
    Joe said “Yes! – (My recall’s down the drain)….

    Thanks Bill, – mem’ry’s wilting of late;
    You’re a champ to an insecure mate,
    And you’ve just ‘saved my life’ ”
    He then called to his wife:

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s democracy’s way, ‘ayes’ and ‘noes’:
    Those supporting and those who oppose.
    Of course, once the vote’s done,
    We are meant to be one,
    Not divided, or still in the throes.”

  30. When my girlfriend gets runny noses
    she shoots up with all nasal hoses.
    Once her body harbors
    more saline than water,
    she says, “Dads enub I subboses!”

  31. Mark Totterdell says:

    At an elephant’s front end there grows
    A protuberance more than a nose,
    Like a chubby grey snake
    That is there by mistake,
    Or a length of industrial hose.

  32. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I felt weak and defenseless before
    I joined Women United Shall Soar!
    Now I’m safe; I belong
    To a militant throng,
    And can be a real WUSS to the corps.

  33. Dane Paulsen says:

    Was it protective anger unfurled?
    A host of emotions that swirled.
    It was why he throws.
    What everyone knows.
    Is the slap that is heard ’round the world.

  34. Dane Paulsen says:

    Here is a fact no one knows.
    If half-empty, half-full you propose.
    I’m a half-empty glass, but
    An optimist, what?
    Less spill to clean up I suppose.

  35. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve a theory I wish to propose,
    As did Stein with “a rose is a rose”:
    A snout and a sniffer
    And whiffer may differ,
    But a nose is a nose is a nose.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    The winemaker’s summary goes:
    “This Cabernet has a great nose.”
    If that is the case,
    Then it must have a face;
    But Lord only knows how it blows.

  37. Ken Gosse says:

    It’s been quite a while since I joined in. I have quite a few I haven’t previously shared that fit the bill, so here goes:
    The Rose on Her Clothes (A Courtly Jesture) ~
    There once was a dark, stormy knight
    whose fair queen was his main appetite.
    She’d wear a red rose
    then she’d wrinkle her nose
    to confirm that the timing was right.

  38. Ken Gosse says:

    Composure Closure (Clown Noir) ~
    The clown hitman would wear his red nose,
    though the boss told him that could expose
    their exploits to the law,
    which was such a faux pas
    he was mulched and would soon decompose.

  39. Ken Gosse says:

    A Smell by Any Other Name ~
    Good limericks, just like wild flowers,
    bring pleasure for hours and hours,
    so stop; smell the roses!
    Watch out—the best noses
    disdain rhyme and rhythm that sours.

  40. Ken Gosse says:

    Blow It Out Your Nose! ~
    The plight of Viscount de Valvert’s
    great misfortune (if anyone cares):
    he poked his short nose
    into poetry’s rose,
    whence good Cyrano emptied his airs.

  41. Ken Gosse says:

    Don’t Lie Where You Lie ~
    Pinocchio once told a lie
    to his sweetheart—he couldn’t deny—
    for whence grows his nose
    his poor woodpecker shows
    where the wood came from.
    Poor little guy.

  42. Ken Gosse says:

    Wane On, Dude! ~
    Hair grows in strange places and shows,
    often poking its head out my nose,
    but here are the facts:
    I won’t wane not to wax
    from my pate to my nethers to toes!

  43. Ken Gosse says:

    Romeo’s Unspoken Soliloquy ~
    “By whatever name, my sweet rose
    Your fragrance entices love’s nose.
    But Lo, our endeavor
    To share love forever,
    Will’s will will abruptly dispose.”

  44. Ken Gosse says:

    What Francis Macomber Saw (or Bend the Words, Not the Rhyme) ~
    Two rhinos can’t kiss nose-to-nose,
    which apparently is due to those
    large protrusions of horn
    which their helmets adorn,
    used to fight when their might comes to blows.

    As the bearer of largest probiscuous,
    the head rhino can be quite promiscuous,
    and when mounting a lass
    when the time comes to pass,
    the affair becomes rather conspiscuous.

  45. Ken Gosse says:

    A Phrase by Many Other Words ~
    Sesquipedalian prose
    is a practice which everyone knows
    is pretentious profusion
    of lexicallusion
    in trying to rename a rose.

  46. Tim James says:

    My limerick muse comes and goes.
    How to keep her around, no one knows.
    When she goes on the lam
    I can’t rhyme worth a damn.
    I should think about sticking to prose.

  47. Paul Haebig says:

    In the end he prevailed, his foes
    far behind him. To power he rose
    from the bottom, with pluck,
    some assistance from luck,
    but, mostly, a very brown nose.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Juicy Gossip”

    “I heard Johnny is gonna propose
    To snotty, conceited Ann Rose!
    If he only knew,
    (And I know it is true)
    That’s not her original nose! “

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    We All Need To Feel Secure

    Though our love for each other was true,
    The honeymoon made me feel blue.
    I said, “Dear Jerome,
    I’m flying back home
    Then returning with Winnie The Poo.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:


    Charlie died, and we all felt despaired.
    2 weeks later, “despaired” changed to “scared”
    Right there on his marker,
    It said, “Charlie Parker
    Said passwords should always be shared.”

  51. Mark Totterdell says:

    To deter those wih motives impure,
    And to keep all your data secure,
    When picking a class word
    To set as your password,
    Then ‘password’ is perfect, I’m sure!

  52. Mark Totterdell says:

    You were taught as a child, I suppose,
    You should never stick things up your nose?
    Now a surgical swab
    Is precisely the job
    For those regular Lateral Flows.

  53. Bob Turvey says:

    When Parliament votes there are Noes,
    Which oppose Ayes, as everyone knows.
    It’s also quite plain
    That you don’t count Abstain –
    So we’re led by the eyes and the nose.

  54. Bob Turvey says:

    A lady I know is quite blunt
    On how she avoids an affront.
    She saves her purity
    Using security –
    A bear-trap’s been placed in her … front.

  55. Mike Young says:

    The initial letter of each line is important:

    Perhaps our Vlad really knows
    Understands, but just never shows
    That his name is Putout
    It’s a name that we shout
    Now we hope it’s not long till he goes!

  56. Mike Young says:


    The world’s feeling far from sublime
    Each country is riddled with crime.
    So strong is our hate
    But we all have to wait
    For The President’s Biden his time!

  57. Mike Young says:

    The world is so far from secure
    And we don’t have to look for a cure.
    Get hold of an axe.
    Make political hacks
    And put all the bits in manure.

  58. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Before Mr. Potato Head goes
    To the sack, he removes all his clothes.
    He turns on the news,
    Then pops off his shoes,
    And sits around holding his nose.

  59. Its stupid to say your prose
    If you’re blowing your nose
    Because if you sneeze
    You’ll be down on your knees
    While the others stone the crows

  60. There was this huge hunk of a Cherokee
    Who got involved in some VIP security
    Now being a diligent Red Indian
    His procedures were somewhat labyrinthian
    Contempt being the root cause of familiarity

  61. Terry Marter says:

    To fly, walk, or swim? Fate has chose!
    That most creatures can do one of those.
    My point is, you see,
    A duck does all three!
    No wonder it looks down it’s nose.

  62. Roger Haugen says:

    The farmer felt safe and secure
    While shoveling piles of manure;
    “I don’t mind the stink,”
    He said with a wink,
    “Whatever you’ve got, it’ll cure.”

  63. Roger Haugen says:

    The maiden was sure that her purity
    Guaranteed everlasting security;
    Her dream was cut short,
    When knights of the court
    Escorted her into maturity.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Weary Security Guard

    Tonight we’ll steal Jimmy Choo shoes.
    Hey, Darlin’, we’ve nothin’ to lose.
    But it must be at ten,
    Cuz that always is when
    The night watchman is takin’ a snooze.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Though a toddler, I still have my woes.
    Cuz I know how the court of law goes.
    I love Papa a lot,
    But it’s right that he got
    Arrested for stealing my nose.

  66. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    One evening a thief tried his best
    To break through the lock on my chest.
    I yelled, “you’ll get shot!”
    And aimed the red dot
    But then let my cats do the rest.

  67. Dane Paulsen says:

    Was it protective anger unfurled?
    A host of emotions that swirled.
    It was why he throws,
    What everyone knows.
    Is the slap that is heard ’round the world.

  68. Roger Haugen says:

    The model removed all her clothes
    And assumed a classical pose;
    But the class departed
    The minute she farted,
    And started picking her nose

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t feel secure in my OWN home!!

    More culprits? They creep on the floor!
    It’s becoming a virtual war!
    It was just “hubby” Stan.
    But my brilliant new plan:
    Stan will sleep on the floor by the door.

  70. Roger Haugen says:

    replace previous submission with this one
    punctuation error

    The model removed all her clothes
    And assumed a classical pose;
    The class departed
    The minute she farted,
    And started picking her nose.

  71. Roger Haugen says:

    A rose is a rose is a rose–
    After Gertrude Stein, everyone knows;
    Is it really profound,
    Or merely a sound?
    It could be the twain, I suppose.

  72. Rudy Landesman says:

    The author believed he was smart
    When he wrote his “The Art of the Fart”.
    He secured publication
    With this slight alteration–
    Dubbed it “Deal”, which still stank off the chart.

  73. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After viewing the faces of those
    God created, authorities chose,
    Not the Cyclops, but Man,
    To reflect the Grand Plan.
    And the eyes did outnumber the nose.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a shape on the wall in a pose.
    And I see that it’s wearing my clothes.
    But I’m in the nude.
    I discern this strange dude.
    I have secrets this strange “Shadow Knows.”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! I used “strange” twice. My Fix:
    “Who Knows What Evil Lurks In The Hearts Of Men?”

    There’s a shape on the wall in a pose.
    And oh no! It is wearing my clothes.
    But I’m in the nude.
    I discern this odd dude.
    I have secrets this strange “Shadow Knows”

  76. Tim James says:

    For the Trekkies:

    There’s an eager young spacefaring dude
    Who with courage and strength is imbued.
    His resolve to endure
    Keeps his starship secure.
    But he wears a red shirt, so he’s screwed.

  77. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A surgeon (cosmetic) once spoke
    On aesthetics to ev’ryday folk.
    He began to disclose
    How he’d picked his own nose,
    But they laughed as if it were a joke.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “business” is flourishing, Rose!
    Folks are buying those beautiful clothes!
    But today, I sniffed out
    Someone’s real ugly snout.
    I must throw out that meddlesome nose!

  79. Lisi Nortman says:


    My “business” is flourishing, Rose!
    Folks are buying the beautiful clothes.
    But today, I sniffed out
    Someone’s big ugly snout.
    I must throw out that real nosy nose.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Security: “Safety Airlines Slogan”

    Fly “Safety”, you won’t feel dismay.
    We have bomb dogs that always obey.
    So feel free to roam.
    In due course, you’ll get home
    On the days that they don’t run away.

  81. Rudy Landesman says:

    For years he sought love, goodness knows,
    And got tired of just getting noes.
    So he found a new way,
    Is now glad to be gay
    And be wanted right down to his toes.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    “A deterrent for sure – at first sight.
    But say, ‘Boo!’ and he quickly takes fright.
    Oh, he’ll snarl, and he’ll growl
    Whenever thieves prowl,
    But if pressed elects flight over bite.”

  83. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Wine this good,” cried Garcon, “is a crime!”
    Then he spoke of its legs as sublime.
    “Juicy skins enhance nose,”
    he went on. My gorge rose.
    I won’t order “full-bodied” next time.

  84. Rudy Landesman says:

    Correcting the rhyme scheme of my previous posting. (4/6 at 7:55 pm)

    His yearning for love ever grows
    And he’s tired of just getting “noes”.
    So he found a new way,
    Is now glad to be gay
    And be wanted right down to his toes

  85. Rudy Landesman says:

    Replaces limerick submitted on 4/3 2:53 pm. (Guilty of rhyming regulations.)

    Republicans always oppose
    Any program the Democrats chose.
    They’ll get into a fray
    And then simply say “nay”
    For reasons their God only knows.

  86. Dane Paulsen says:

    A security guard wants to be.
    All that he can, so he
    Applied at a Samsung store.
    He then could be (one more).
    Guardians now of the galaxy.

  87. He kissed her upon the nose
    She was thrilledi down to her toesi
    After kissing her lips
    And caressing her hips
    She ripped off all her clothes

  88. I accidentally put an I on toes

  89. Terry Marter says:

    The insecure guy in Security,
    She honey-trapped, feigning ‘demurity’:
    After kiss, feel and stroke,
    She rolled him a Toke
    With more than ‘the usual’ impurity.

  90. Tim James says:

    His proboscis is large, I suppose,
    So I giggled to hear him disclose
    That his name is Bill Beak.
    I’ve been laughing all week.
    That’s a little bit too on-the-nose.

  91. Daisy Hyrkas says:

    I ripped off my last lover’s pension,
    then winced at the shimmering tension.
    He proceeded to gape me,
    then orally rape me,
    while I swallowed my dull apprehension.

  92. Terry Marter says:

    I’ve just bought a high-tech new flat
    With secure touch-screen entry, – just pat.
    A third ‘Fail’ with my ‘Key’?
    Robo-voice-call to me:
    “Your new key-code is under the mat”

  93. Roger Haugen says:

    He’s one of those average joes,
    Content with just what he knows;
    For a tasty spread
    On sourdough bread–
    “I prefer the jam from my toes.”

  94. David Friedman says:

    With some reservation, dear Rose
    Would stuff chips in her pantyhose,
    “Each little Pringle,”
    She said, “Gives a tingle,
    But salt water drips out my nose.”

  95. David Friedman says:

    The testes of Oliver Rose
    Are the size of a large buffalo’s
    His ex-girlfriend hates him
    Because his damn baitsim
    Busted her teeth and her nose.

  96. David Friedman says:

    “Your mask,” said McConnell, “It goes
    Over your mouth and your nose,
    Then pull the thing in
    Down under your chin,
    Unless you don’t have one of those.”

  97. The shadow eclipsed my new nose.
    I stopped for a moment and froze.
    That Cyrano cast,
    Of proboscis of past.
    Our sun has its way to expose.

  98. Rudy Landesman says:

    For bargains she does have a nose.
    She finds things wherever she goes.
    She once bought a whale
    When it was on sale.
    In it’s shower she shouts: “That she blows!”.

  99. Rudy Landesman says:

    Correction in line 5

    For bargains she does have a nose.
    She finds things wherever she goes.
    She once bought a whale
    When it was on sale.
    In it’s shower she shouts: “Thar she blows!”.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    A man with a very broad nose
    Starred in witty and comical shows.
    When he met a producer,
    With the nickname “Seduc’er
    They bought popcorn and watched “Charlie Rose”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    That was wrong! Try Again:

    A man with a real ugly nose
    Was bad-mouthed by Charlie Peete Rose.
    Then they both met “The Cos”
    And the world took a pause
    When the three of them took of their clothes.

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    “What’s his name?” “Call ’im Rudy – the nose.”
    “After Rudolph the reindeer, I ’spose?”
    “Come the dark, stormy nights,
    When we ain’t got no lights,
    We put ’im out in front an’ ’e glows.”

    Disclaimer: The name ‘Rudy’ should not be taken to refer to a limericist of the same name, nor to any of his appendages or protruberances. Any similarity to real life is purely coincidental – no, really!

  103. Sharon Neeman says:

    My cat’s small, but quite brave — and it shows
    In the mincemeat she makes of her foes.
    Just this morning, dear Pet
    Had to go to the vet —
    Who’s now bleeding from cheek, hand and nose.

  104. Sharon Neeman says:

    Are there decent Repubs? I suppose
    There may be a small number of those:
    Mitt, Lisa and Sue
    Knew the right thing to do,
    And did not give Katenji their “noes.”

  105. Linda Fuller says:

    I have a large schnoz, heaven knows
    A fact I’m not loath to disclose
    I was watching for whales
    On a ship full of males
    When I sneezed they cried out “thar she blows”

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    “Yes, your conk is patrician. It shows
    You have breeding: it’s more than a nose.
    From your soles to your head,
    You’re a true thoroughbred.
    And another sure sign is six toes.”

  107. Terry Marter says:

    Though I type at a reas’nable pace,
    I slow-ly-put password in place.
    The computer says ‘No’
    But I’m RIGHT (I checked “Show”)
    And apparently, – that’s not the Case!

  108. Roger Haugen says:

    Santa’s nose is as red as a rose,
    And when he’s excited, it glows;
    It lights up so bright
    On each Christmas night,
    When he’s in for some holiday blows.

  109. Rudy Landesman says:

    Another typo (Line 5, 4/8 9:31 pm) I need some new glasses.

    For bargains she does have a nose.
    She finds things wherever she goes.
    She once bought a whale
    When it was on sale.
    In its shower she shouts: “Thar she blows!”.

  110. Terry Marter says:

    I’m Type-Writing again; on The Ball,
    Shift-ing characters both large and small.
    Laptop’s Down (the ravine!)
    Fifteen hours I’ve been
    Typing passwords, – I’ve just tried them All.

  111. Terry Marter says:

    The Pelican’s a cut above those
    Other birds that just fly, perch and doze.
    This bird, (so I’ve read),
    Often stands on its head
    In the water, and looks down its nose.

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    “Awful case of Pinocchio Nose.”
    “Politician or salesman, I ’spose?”
    “They suppress their remorse,
    Which then festers, of course,
    And builds up in the snout so it grows.”

  113. David Friedman says:

    The locks that Lynn keeps all about
    Would keep her secure, there’s no doubt.
    “They don’t,” giggles Lynn,
    “Stop men getting in;
    I use them so men can’t get out!”

  114. Terry Marter says:

    (On inventing words etc, for effect)

    Some’ll nitpick cuz They think they should,
    Deeming Some words ‘no good’ (yes they would).
    They love picking our Noes
    Like it’s Our fault they’ve woes
    To Pedantics: Semantics! – S’all good.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Everybody’s Talkin’

    The weather will suit all my clothes
    In that place where the stream always flows.
    I’m sick of the city.
    It’s harsh and it’s gritty.
    But where is this place? Nobody knows.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m so lazy; I think that it shows.
    I don’t even put on my clothes!
    Hope I don’t go amiss
    When it’s time for the “bliss”
    I pray that I won’t. Heaven knows.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’m so lazy; I think that it shows.
    I don’t even put on my clothes.
    Hope I won’t go amiss
    When it’s time for the “bliss”
    I’ll try very hard, heaven knows.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Mistake! (sorry)

    “The Echoes of My Mind”

    The weather will suit all my clothes
    In a place where the stream always flows.
    I’m sick of the city.
    It’s harsh and it’s gritty.
    But where Is this place? No one knows.

  119. Doug Harris says:

    World peace is a difficult thing
    When the mutant dictator is ‘king’.
    Put some sweet novichok
    Into Putin’s last Hock
    And the party will go with a swing …

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Confusion About The Kunik

    The nose is the part they expose
    When they’re bundled up down to their toes.
    For close friends or lovers.
    When love always hovers:
    The kunik’s a kiss nose to nose.

  121. Lisi Nortman says:


    The nose is the part they expose
    When they’re bundled up down to their toes.
    For close friends or lovers,
    Gentle warmth it uncovers.
    The “kunik’s” a kiss nose to nose.

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    132 Years Without A Bath (at least, put down your arm!)

    As the water of New York Bay flows,
    The Statue of Liberty glows.
    You too would turn green
    By not being clean.
    When you visit, you must hold your nose.

    (and that’s why the New Jersey Turnpike stinks)

  123. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Linda,

    Your schnoz I do truly bewail,
    But your tale of some whales I do hail.
    But as everyone knows
    Tall tales can bring woes.
    Since MY whale is bigger than your whale.

    (O.K. The meter rule is violated slightly in line 5, but those whales are very unruly.)

  124. Dane Paulsen says:

    They asked a child if he knows.
    Since an octopus hasn’t a nose.
    “How many protrusions
    Has two, your conclusions?
    Without counting on fingers and toes”.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    Though a virgin, I took off my clothes.
    Closed my eyes in a tranquil repose.
    Then Charlie went wild.
    And now I’m “with child.”
    He told me that it was his nose.

  126. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Tony,

    Poor Rudolph the Reindeer protests:
    “My nose is no subject for jests.
    Because it is red,
    It secures in good stead
    My going on Christmassy quests.”

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    When an elephant’s parched it can guzzle,
    On liquid sucked up in its muzzle.
    In addition, its nose,
    Can be used as a hose,
    And when feeling affection, to nuzzle.

  128. Brian Allgar says:

    It’s the Donald! Just look at that nose!
    It is huge, and it grows, and it grows
    With each lie that he tells
    As it stretches and swells
    Till it’s longer than Pinnochio’s.

  129. Sharon Neeman says:

    They told me I had to stay pure,
    Toward men to act shy and demure…
    Now I’m 40, I fear
    I won’t marry this year
    (Or at all), and I’m quite insecure.

  130. Sharon Neeman says:

    My mother was terribly strict,
    Locked me in when I dared contradict –
    Till a crook down the block
    Gave poor Mom such a shock,
    When he proved that my “lock” could be picked.

  131. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the Snowman “As long as it snows,
    I’ll be safe, from my head to my toes.”
    But the first sunny day,
    He just melted away.
    All that’s left is a carrot – his nose.

  132. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Sorry, sweetie,” she said with a giggle
    And the tiniest, sexiest wiggle;
    “I’m no prude, heaven knows,
    But I just won’t expose
    The parts of my body that jiggle.”

  133. David Friedman says:


  134. Fred Bortz says:

    If Larry David wrote a certain 1960s situation comedy

    Samantha would wiggle her nose
    Whenever she needed new clothes.
    But most times that she twitched
    On the sitcom Bewitched
    New troubles for Darrin arose.

    She was taught by her mother, Endora,
    Who learned from her mother before her
    How to raise Holy Hell
    By casting a spell
    With the Yiddish phrase, “Oy! Keinehora!”

  135. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve seen models who show off their clothes,
    Or their teeth, or their chests, or their toes.
    But I swear –to this day —
    Save for sculptors of clay,
    I’ve seen nobody model a nose.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Journey

    I felt so secure when inside.
    I would smile, I would laugh with such pride.
    Twas’ the essence of “cushy”
    Then someone got pushy.
    And slapped me so hard that I cried.

  137. Roger Haugen says:

    He believes the key to security
    Is living a life in obscurity;
    “Don’t care about fame,
    ‘Who needs a big name?”
    It gives him a feeling of purity.

  138. Randy Wagner says:

    A harlot removed all her clothes
    And remarked, “Fella, here’s how it goes:
    Let my breasts, butt, and thighs
    Be a feast for your eyes
    But one touch and you’ll pay through the nose.”

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Secure? Are you kidding? “Stay Calm?”
    I ran out and got killed by the bomb.
    My one great regret,
    Which I’ll never forget:
    I missed the awaited Spring Prom.

  140. Fred Bortz says:

    He invested his savings in stock,
    And now he is deeply in hock.
    Our language is funny
    When speaking of money.
    Securities? What a huge crock!

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    Betcha didn’t know how a sneeze flows!
    Or how quickly the sudden burst goes!
    Hundred miles per each hour.
    That’s a lot of air power!
    Now you know a cool fact ’bout a nose.


  142. Brian Allgar says:

    The doctor said “I diagnose
    That we’ll have to remove seven toes.
    We will give you sedation
    And then – amputation.”
    Said the millipede: “Lots more of those!”

  143. Roger Haugen says:

    His dealer proclaimed, with all surety,
    “This pill contains no impurity;”
    Now the credulous nerd,
    Who believed every word,
    Floats dead in the Sea of Absurdity.

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    “There is more than one use for a nose.
    It can turn up with scorn, or expose
    One’s contempt with a sniff:
    Detect scandal – first wiff –
    And tell tales. (You’re a toper. It shows.)”

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    “Poker players keep watch on their noses.
    If they twitches, they know this exposes
    The strength of their hands.
    When they’re betting in grands
    They’re advised to maintain neutral poses.”

    “You’ve a very impertinent nose!
    Take it out of my business! “It goes
    Where it will, sniffing out
    Those who think they can flout.
    It’s its mission in life to expose.”

  146. Dane Paulsen says:

    On my workbench a wood carving grows.
    What it looks like, no one knows.
    One part of a whole
    (Viking ship is my goal).
    What I hear all around me are noes.

  147. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m aware of what Nietzsche once said.
    He clearly declared: “God is dead”.
    That might be great prose,
    But everyone knows
    That God is just napping instead.

  148. Dane Paulsen says:

    Qr maybe:

    On my workbench a wood model grows.
    What it looks like I guess, no one knows.
    One part of a whole
    (Viking ship is my goal).
    What I hear all around me are noes.

  149. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A man who owned gold and would hide it
    (always fearful that others had spied it),
    Dug a hole six feet deep,
    Where his treasure would keep.
    In the end he was buried beside it.

  150. Tony Holmes says:

    “Someone told me, ‘My dog’s got no nose.’
    ‘It’s an old joke,’ I told him. He froze.
    I ask, ‘How does it smell?’
    You say, ‘Awful!’ ‘Oh, well,
    If you’ve heard it, that’s it, I suppose.’”

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Smog Doesn’t Bother Me”

    My friend Ann moved out west, by the bay.
    Although smoggy, she wanted to stay.
    To her friends, she’d disclose,
    “Cuz I have a big nose,
    I inhale only once ev’ry day.”

  152. Dane Paulsen says:

    Many canines are bred for dog shows.
    Then groomed, and soon trained for each pose.
    They’ve so much to prove.
    They’re judged buy each move.
    From their toes right up to their nose.

  153. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Folks like Trump are America’s foes.
    These damned know-nothings cause us great woes,
    With their vicious opinions
    And vacuous minions.
    I’d rather be led by the “knows.”

    From Mad:

    Welcome back, Konrad!

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s safe and secure, (such a thrill)
    To live here at “Old People’s Hill”.
    For just pennies more
    The boss knocks on your door
    To remind you, “It’s time for your pill.”

  155. Stu Hiley says:

    I don’t like how you’re looking at me
    you seem to want something for free
    The weight of your gaze
    ‘neath the eyebrow you raise
    makes me question my security

  156. Terry Marter says:

    I once thought that my life just dragged on,
    ‘Til I changed my mind-set, – then I shone.
    I’ve since asked where Time goes
    But nobody knows,
    So I looked back, and there it was: -Gone!

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    Both me and my sweet darlin’ Rose
    Had nose jobs, (the noses we chose.)
    Then Rose had Schnoz Tot.
    I guess we forgot
    “The Gospel Of Bona Fide Nose.”

  158. Roger Haugen says:

    In the interest of health and security,
    Essen strives for breathe-able purity;
    But until the great day
    When coal goes away,
    Pollution-free air is a Ruhr-ity.

  159. Dane Paulsen says:

    A tale that’s quite fishy and bold,
    Of a salmon, who made off with gold.
    A safe, he broke into.
    It is what he knew.
    He was a lox myth, I am told.

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend likes tight sexy clothes.
    Like Lana’s and Jayne’s or Monroe’s.
    But I have to admit
    Tight sweaters don’t fit.
    Cuz they cannot get past my big nose.

  161. Rudy Landesman says:

    The opera has friends. It has foes.
    Each season brings highs. It brings lows.
    I will not be vague —
    Avoid like the plague
    Shostakovich’s smelly “The Nose”.

  162. Rudy Landesman says:

    There’s a felon that we should immure
    To keep every golf club secure.
    He bogeys each hole
    With a putter he stole
    When leaving the White House, I’m sure.

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Ultimate Security

    When you die, it will cure all your ills.
    And you won’t have to take any pills.
    Before you depart,
    Be wily and smart.
    Tell your in-laws to pay all your bills.

  164. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    Good grief, you are not all that clever.
    This project’s a Crucial Endeavor!
    It says here 2 “noes”
    And 3 “I suppose”
    And 1 very thoughtless “whatever.”

  166. Fred Bortz says:

    Though observing the rhyme rules he knows,
    His rhythm was off, I suppose.
    Mad Kane’s derogation
    On this sad occasion:
    “Your lim’rick is actually prose.”

  167. Terry Marter says:

    Mad: Please delete my Limerick at April 14- 2.40am (not relevant to comp theme). Thanks.

  168. Terry Marter says:

    (Double Duty)
    Putting lips near my ear with such surety,
    She mind-read my thoughts of impurity.
    “Forget all your prose,
    I got nothin’ but Noes
    So Zip it, or I’ll call Security.”

  169. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    Here is my contribution to your Limerick Off :


    Glen got a blow at night on his nose,
    He could name no one as he had no foes;
    The court was surprised,
    All the case was reprised;
    The judgement was given : beat Glen with blows.

  170. Terry Marter says:

    Secure password we typed in and sent,
    Now our hard drive’ acts up as though bent.
    DVD, for no reason
    Just played its last season,
    The Winter of our Disc Content.

  171. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 493. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Waste.