Limerick-Off Award (455)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

While shopping for clothes, be astute.
It’s for work, so not overly cute.
Geez, that jacket’s a sack!
Please don’t pick off the rack—
All you’ll find is some low-hanging suit.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special NEIGHBOR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I’ve a house in the country. Out there,
I have quiet, clear skies, and fresh air.
But it isn’t all nice.
I found out there’s a price
When my neighbor got et by a bear.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tony Holmes, Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Paul Haebig, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Dave Johnson, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tony Holmes:

“Well, dear neighbour, I think you can tell
It’s been good fun to visit a spell.
But like every pursuit,
Brief is best, lest its fruit
Should turn bitter. I bid you farewell!”

Brian Allgar:

I’m engaged in a lustful pursuit
Of my neighbor, who’s temptingly cute.
So I long for the day
When her husband’s away;
“Love thy neighbor” – the Bible’s my route!

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Get a cauldron that’s really top notch;
Add some gin and six bottles of scotch,
Toe of frog, eye of newt —
It’s a charm that should suit
When you’re out there on Neighborhood Watch.


Paul Haebig:

Long after our water was poured
The waiter appeared, looking bored.
“I can tell by your suit
The specials are moot;
There’s nothing that you could afford.”

Brian Allgar:

“They call me a crook and a brute,
But it seems that they don’t give a hoot
For Obama’s great crime –
The guy should do time
For wearing that tan-colored suit!”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

All I want is a guy who is cute.
I don’t care if he’s nice or astute.
Yet my mom knows a lot
And she said I should not
Continue this triv’yal pursuit.

Tony Holmes:

It is best, when preparing good food,
Not to do so when tiddly and nude.
Quite apart from the fruit
Leaving stains on your ‘suit,’
You’ll have guests who’ll regard it as rude.

Tim James:

When she opened her door, he was mute.
She had dolled herself up, no dispute.
Hair and make-up? Chef’s kiss.
But the kicker was this:
Her exceedingly fine birthday suit.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I was once in addictive pursuit
Of campaign buttons (ugly or cute.)
But now I’ve no use
For button abuse —
Except for the one labeled “Mute.”


Jean McEwen:

My neighbor (a snoot and a snoop)
Parks herself, every day, on the stoop
Of her spic and span house
And proceeds, then, to grouse
About all of the dogs she sees poop.

Dave Johnson:

The couple upstairs didn’t care
If they broadcast their steamy affair.
At first, “Oohs” and “Aahs”
Followed up with a pause;
Then an “Uuh” to announce he was there.

Tim James:

My neighbor emits quite a din
From the next-door apartment she’s in.
With her boyfriend, Big Rod,
She cries out to her God.
How I wish that the walls weren’t so thin!

Tony Holmes:

If your neighbor should give you the eye,
Don’t rush in! Stop, and ask yourself, “Why?”
She is young, bold and hot,
And let’s face it, you’re not;
Then again, Bud, go reach for the sky!

Dave Johnson:

He’s known as the neighborhood pest;
As merely “Hello” will attest.
When trapped in a chat,
One solution for that:
Proclaiming that Trump is the best.

Tony Holmes:

Our new neighbors look friendly enough –
And compliant. No need to get tough.
Give them time, early days;
Once they’re trained in our ways,
We’ll pop over and borrow their stuff.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

It appears that my neighbors have started
To wear face masks with slogans imparted:
’Cross the street lives “Free Hugs,”
On the corner “Got Drugs?”
Right next door “Blah Blah Blah” and “Who Farted?”

Konrad Schwoerke:

Though your home is the fruit of your labors,
You might not get to pick your close neighbors.
Sure most couples will fight,
But all day and all night?
And on horseback with cavalry sabers?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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