Brassy Limerick

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A brassy old woman named Joan…

Here’s the limerick I wrote with that line. (It’s a three-verser, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Brassy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A brassy old woman named Joan
Loves the trumpet, but hates the trombone.
When people ask why
She says, “Married a guy
Who played bone with a terrible tone.”

She continues, “He made my head ache,
And he played it all night, for God’s sake.
I divorced him on grounds
Of cacophonic sounds.
Then I wed a French horn-playing rake.”

“He cheated on me day and night.
So I fin’ly said, go fly a kite!
Now I’m single again
And I’ll never date men
Who play brass, cuz those guys ain’t polite.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

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25 Responses to “Brassy Limerick”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Liked to jump on a young guy’s bone(s)
    She wasn’t ashamed
    And she couldn’t be blamed
    She preferred it to sleeping alone.

  2. Sally Franz says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    had had it with sales on the phone
    The next one that rung
    was quite undone
    when she belched out to high kingdom come

  3. A brassy old woman named Joan
    Was quite fond of her “beau-on-the-phone”
    But sadly, one day,
    As all things fade away:
    All she heard was dial tone.

  4. Linkmeister says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    was enamored with her new telephone
    Said she “my fingers can walk
    so whom should I stalk?
    The banker who called in my loan?”

  5. madkane says:

    These are fun! Please keep them coming!

  6. Tom Hale says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Loved to have sex on the phone
    She’d speak words so very
    Into her Blackberry
    While you were holding your own

  7. Brion Emde says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    who formerly dated Capone
    Said his manners were shabby
    And his chatter so gabby
    That she’d hate it whenever he’d phone

  8. K Bhattacharya says:

    This way I begin…

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Got stuck in the nude to an ice cream cone
    Hearing her blow at the top of her lung
    From nowhere a saber toothed tiger sprung
    Upon her, ate the whites, but left her shivering alone!


    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Could never leave young men alone
    It was her ardent style
    That made them smile
    Alas they always left her sitting on the WC throne!

    More in the pipeline!

  9. K Bhattacharya says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Was fond of talking to God on the phone
    She huddled in a straight jacket
    With a dead cat in a packet
    And the voice said happily, “Hi there, I am Godfrey Stone!”

  10. Lisa Christian says:

    Mad, if this is too blue for you, feel free to delete it…

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Was known for the cocks she had blown.
    When she tried to find ratio,
    For men to fellatio,
    Her lack of math skills was then shown.

  11. Dr. Goose says:

    A brassy old lady named Joan
    Said: “I’ll take out an equity loan
    To buy gadgets and toys
    To tempt all the boys,
    And maybe they’ll throw me a bone.”

  12. Catherine says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    did sit at the bar and bemoan
    ‘bout troubles and woes
    old lovers and foes
    and money and men she had blown

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Chose the piccolo over trombone.
    In closets she’d stay.
    With room to still play,
    She’d practice her bell-like warm tone.

  14. Veralynne Pepper says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Walked into the men’s club alone
    She said what she’d fancy
    A man in blue pants, he
    Said c’mon, your skills we’ll both hone.

  15. Veralynne Pepper says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Talked on and on in a drone
    But her life took a turn
    When she learned how to burn
    As a 900 number on the phone.

  16. Peter Metrinko says:

    A brassy woman named Joan
    To war visions she was prone
    Though tied to a stake
    And forced there to bake
    She helped Charles to the throne….

  17. Ellen Garneau says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan,
    To the bank she went for a loan,
    Then she went for a cruise,
    Spent the rest on some booze,
    And now here credit is blown.

  18. Ellen Garneau says:

    Today everything has gone wrong,
    And it’s lasted just too darn long,
    Was wound up so tight,
    Would be up through the night,
    Must have made my coffee too strong.

    To relax would help ease the pain,
    but what would work on this brain,
    I knew I could write,
    But no topic in sight,
    And for this I must thank you, Ms. Kane.

  19. madkane says:

    Wow! What a fun assortment. Thanks everyone! Please keep them coming. And Ellen, you’re very welcome!

  20. A brassy old woman named Joan,
    lived in a no-parking zone.
    The cops would come by
    give one look and sigh,
    “Better than living in Bayonne.”

    … and I was not aware that limericks – by definition – should be dirty.

  21. There once was a brassy woman named Joan
    Who wanted her prodigal son to disown.
    But the boy had a smile
    Could calm Wrath’s own bile
    So she doled him another big loan.

  22. Ellen Garneau says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan,
    Just hated to live all alone,
    She brought in some men,
    Again and again,
    A bordello she soon hopes to own!

  23. Sarah Rolph says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Whose limericks have all clearly shown
    That people can’t help
    But giggle and yelp
    Wants to laugh but mostly must groan

  24. Mary E. Agee says:

    A brassy old woman named Joan
    Looking much like a fashionable crone
    Claimed a home life of bliss,
    But to quote daughter Chris:
    “Mommy Dearest was Dracula’s clone!”

  25. madkane says:

    Thanks again everyone for your fun limericks!